Drama Auditions – Overview - Etobicoke School of the Arts

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CEDRIC: Get in!
BISHOP: (to audience) I’m shown into the largest room I’ve ever seen. I mean, a fireplace eight feet wide and a staircase that
must had had a hundred steps in it. I’m not used to dealing with nobility. Servants, grand ballrooms, pheasant hunting on the
hearth, fifty-year-old brandy over billiards, breakfast in bed … shit, what a life!
CEDRIC: Madam is in the study. Get in!
BISHOP: The study. Books, books … more books than I’ll ever read. Persian rug. Tiger’s head over the mantle. African
spears in the corner. “Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the…” I stood at the door. I was on edge. Out of my element. Lady St.
Helier was sitting at this little writing desk, writing.
LADY ST. HELIER: Very punctual, Bishop. Please sit down.
BISHOP: I sat in this chair that was all carved lions. One of the lions stuck in my back.
CEDRIC: Would our visitor from Canada care for tea, madam?
LADY ST. HELIER: Would you care for something to drink, Bishop?
BISHOP: Tea? Ahhh, yeah … Tea would be fine.
LADY ST. HELIER: A tea for Bishop, Cedric. And I’ll have a gin.
CEDRIC: Lemon?
BISHOP: (disappointed) Gin! I wonder if I could change … No, no. Tea will be fine.
BANANA BOYS by Leon Aureus MALE – COMEDY
SHEL (Shel anxiously awaits contact from a girl for whom he has fallen. When the monologue begins, he is staring at his cell
phone.)
Okay, cell phone, me and you need to talk. We’ve been through a lot together. The last 6 months here have been… marginal.
I’ve given your number to a few people, and so far, no one calls you but The Boys back home. This sucks for both of us. I
mean, we came to Ottawa to find someone. To end The Quest. Twenty-four years old, and I still hadn’t had a serious girlfriend.
Or any sort of girlfriend. I almost had you disconnected. (pause) Don’t look at me like that, I didn’t go through with it. And do
you know why? Because the day we stopped looking… was the day we met Her. I went twenty minutes out of my way, in
minus-thirty-degree weather, to walk Her home, breaking the ice in front of Her with my CSA approved boots so She wouldn’t
slip and fall. She’s wonderful. (He beams.) I have Her your number, and She said She’d call. So… cell phone, if ever you were
going to ring, if ever you were going to make that special connection… let it be now. You’re fully charged. We’re sitting in the
bathtub where you get the best reception. So… ring. (It doesn’t ring.) C’mon. Please? (nothing) She’s really special. She’s got
these beautiful eyes, and really great hair, and… I’m prattling, but… the way She –
The phone rings. SHEL is startled, then fumbles the phone and picks it up.
Hello? (pause) Kathy! Hi! (pause) No, I’m not busy, just… waiting… for you. (pause) Oh man, that sounds lame, doesn’t it? I
didn’t… uh… (pause) Really? Well, I think you’re sweet too…
ZASTROZZI by George F. Walker MALE – COMEDY
ZASTROZZI (In this speech, Zastrozzi describes his power and his master plan to destroy his foe: the new middle class with
its shiny new liberal education and its fancy for art.)
I am Zastrozzi. The master criminal of all Europe. This is not a boast. It is information. I am to be feared for countless reasons.
The obvious ones of strength and skill with any weapon. The less obvious ones because of the quality of my mind. It is superb.
It works in unique ways. And it is always working because I do not sleep. I do not sleep because if I do I have nightmares and
when you have a mind like mine you have nightmares that could petrify the devil. Sometimes because my mind is so powerful
I even have nightmares when I am awake and because my mind is so powerful I am able to split my consciousness in two and
observe myself having my nightmare. This is not a trick. It is a phenomenon. I am having one now. I have this one often. In it, I
am what I am. The force of darkness. The clear sane voice of negative spirituality. Making everyone answerable to the only
constant truth I understand. Mankind is weak. The world is ugly. The only way to save them from each other is to destroy them
both. In this nightmare I am accomplishing this with great efficiency. I am destroying cities. I am destroying countries. I am
disturbing social patterns and upsetting established cultures. I am causing people such unspeakable misery that many of them
are actually saving me the trouble by doing away with themselves. And even better I am actually making them understand that
this is in fact the way things should proceed. I am at the height of my power. I am lucid, calm, organized and energetic. Then it