FEMALE MONOLOGUES: Naomi in the Living Room/over the top ...

FEMALE MONOLOGUES:
memorize 2 from the 6 monologues below)- one natural for you and one to show your range!
Naomi in the Living Room/over the top Comedy
By Christopher Durang
Naomi: Please, sit down; Sit on one of the sitting devices; we use them for sitting. DON’T SIT THERE, I
WANT TO SIT THERE!! Ingrates! It’s my house, it’s my living room. I didn’t ask you, I can ask you to
leave. No, no, sit down. Please, make yourselves at home. Tell me, are you two ever going to speak, or
do I just have to go on and on by myself, or WHAT!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Goodness my moods switch quickly. Insane? I can have Christmas by myself, I can wait for Santa by
myself. I can pot geraniums. I can bob for apples. I can buy a gun in a store and shoot you. By Myself!
Do you get it? Leave here. I don’t need you, and you’re dead! Well, that was a nice visit.
Plays In Ten/Straight Comedy
By David Raine
Elizabeth: Every time Michael bought a birthday gift for me or Mother or Dad, it was either something
too atrocious to be seen outside the immediate family, or something we already owned. Well, this time
he was so excited because he was sure he had broken the curse. He felt he could avoid the curse by
buying something for the baby. He pulled the box out from behind a chair, and I unwrapped it. It was a
little antique bassinet-the kind with a carrying handle instead of wheels. It was gorgeous. Michael was
beaming. I told him that I had seen one almost exactly like it in a local antique place just before Jeremy
was born. You should have seen his jaw drop when I brought out the bassinet from the car. Except for
the trim on the hood, they were identical. The curse had struck again! We all laughed about it. Poor
Michael.
[TITLE OF SHOW]/Light Comedy
By Hunter Bell
Susan: I just want to jump in here and say that I support an experimental piece and you guys completely,
but I have my doubts about doing a musical. I get nervous about singing, finding my part, harmonies,
me singing songs and songs that are sung by me in general . Fair enough? (Beat) Farrah…Nuff, that’s a
good drag queen name. When we come up with a good drag queen name we text in to each other. I’m
gonna order a turkey burger. You guys want anything? (While calling in order to the phone) Yes, I’ll hold.
What about her majesty, Lady Footlocker…ah, no I didn’t! Yes I did…

All My Sons/Drama
By Arthur miller
Mother: There are just a few things you don’t know. All of you. And I’ll tell you one of them, Annie.
Deep, deep in your heart you’ve always been waiting for him. Listen to your heart. Certain things have
to be, and certain things can never be. Like the sun has to rise, it has to be. That’s why there’s God.
Otherwise anything could happen. But Annie-just like I knew the day he went into that terrible battle.
Did he write me? Was it in the papers? No, but that morning I couldn’t raise my head off the pillow.
Ask Joe. Suddenly I knew. I knew! And he was nearly killed that day. Ann. You know I’m right!
The Insanity of Mary Girard/Tragedy
By Lanie Robertson
Mary: When I was childless you blamed me. I too thought I was barren. I felt I had cheated you out of a
son. But it wasn’t me. You couldn’t put life in my body because you had none in your own. I got more
warmth from a stranger in a little hour than you could ever give. It isn’t my child that is loathsome to
you but the freedom of my mind and my love of life itself. May God have pity on you, sir.
Play It Again Sam/Light Drama
By Woody Allen
Linda: Allan, the most beautiful thing in the world has occurred right under our noses. We’ve had a
wonderful experience. Doesn’t that surprise you? You didn’t have to do anything. Didn’t have to leave
any half-open books lying around… you didn’t have to put on the proper mood music. I even saw you in
your underwear with the days of the week written on them. While I was out, suddenly everything
became very clear, and when I asked myself do I really want to break up my marriage… the answer was
no. I love Dick, and while someone as wonderful as you is very tempting… I can’t think of my life without
him. He needs me, Allan…and in some unexplainable way … I need him.