Missouri National Guard Association

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DEPARTMENT – leadership Several years ago, we had a beautiful golden retriever named Liberty. She came to us free from a family she had faithfully served for a couple of years. Two months later, we noticed she was gaining weight and appeared to be losing some hair. We took her to the vet, “Probably just stress of a new home and family,” he said. “Shouldn’t be anything to worry about.” If stress causes weight gain and hair loss then I, and half the people in the National Guard, are under an enormous amount of stress. Anyway, she kept getting fatter and lost all her hair. In fact, she didn’t even look like a dog anymore – looked more like a pig, a post-nuclear holocaust mutant pig … people stared. Turns out she needed thyroid medication. She thinned down and furred up, which is good – rubbing sun screen on a naked dog is weird! Last night, I had a nightmare about Liberty. Apparently, the Army had written a regulation governing dog ownership. My dream began in the receptionist office at the veterinarian’s office ... “Mr. Crowder, do you have your dog ownership training papers?” asks the receptionist. “What dog ownership training papers?” I inquire. “The dog ownership training papers required by regulation. You can’t proceed with the exam if you don’t have your dog ownership training papers!” “Can we do this exam to keep the ball rolling?” I ask, “Then I’ll start the dog ownership training. I had to wait five weeks to get this appointment!” “No!” she yells, “You can’t continue with this appointment until the training is completed. How can you have an appointment if you can’t technically have a dog? The classes are offered on the second Tuesday in months beginning with an ‘M’ or ‘S’ and in the month of June on even years, or you can take them online.” I complete 16 hours of online training, reschedule Liberty’s appointment, go to the appointment, then to several followon specialist appointments, finally receive the diagnosis, then wait for the treatment 4 Missouri National Guard Association PAST PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE By Larry Crowder, Missouri National Guard Association to be authorized and, only nine months after the first appointment, pick up the medication. In the meantime, neighborhood children aren’t allowed to pet the “Chernobyl pig dog.” No love for Liberty. Good news, she’s ultimately found fit for pet duty. The wife and kids are ecstatic! The stress has been tough on me, I’ve gained 12 pounds and all my back hair has fallen out. The Crowders are excited. We can now begin our relaxing dog partnership. Well, almost. According to the Army Dog regulation, we have an annual inspection due. The “Dog Talker,” or whatever the heck his name is, now works for the Inspector General. He’ll just swing by for a few hours, sitting silently out of the way, and observe. His checklist can be found in the regulation. We make a copy and spend the next 12 weeks preparing for his visit. Vigilantly, we prepare. Inspection day is upon us and he observes. Ninety days later, the report arrives, we passed except for one re-look, paragraph 4-1, section E-2, or as Army dog owners call it – the unreasonable turtle clause. Apparently, by Army Dog regulations, you can’t maintain a turtle and dog in the same household. The boys have a turtle, and the turtle has to go. They’re upset; they love Corky the turtle. Lisa’s upset; he eats all the leftover lettuce and carrot ends. Army regulations are quite clear, now that I’ve read them: it’s either the dog or the turtle. Corky is ceremoniously set free that very afternoon. Tears were shed, goodbyes said and Corky crept away, decorated with the boys names painted on his back – it was very emotional. Of course it was far more emotional the next morning when Corky was found flattened like a psychedelic Frisbee with colors of red, yellow and purple, the apparent victim of an uncaring trash truck. “That stupid regulation killed Corky!” Lisa yelled. “Technically, 18 tons of trash truck killed Corky.” I smirked ... her bony fist connected just above my right elbow. She hit me so hard it killed the little toe on my left foot. Anyway, more stress. I’ve gained an additional six pounds, and all the hair on my right leg has fallen off. Okay, re-look over; the Crowders are ready to enjoy Liberty the golden retriever, play a little fetch, chase squirrels and terrorize cats. “Come on boys; let’s take Liberty to the park, it’s a great day!” “Dad, we can’t find Liberty.” My kids call out ... Liberty has run off. Apparently, walking around naked in public due to delayed medical care, nine months of sun tan lotion rub downs and, the final straw, being ignored due to inspection preparations, did her in – she was done! This is terrible. Everyone’s mad and the Missouri National Guard dog owner statistics are in the red because of the Crowders. Sadly, I’m so busy with mandatory Army stuff, I can’t take the time to actually find her. I follow the dog regulations, they say to send her an email, hopefully she can login, try to call her on the phone and then send three letters 30 days apart. Per regulation, after 90 days, the dog can’t be allowed back in the house. You can try to do an “exception to policy,” but those take months, sometimes years – we just don’t have the energy to carry on. Sadly, Liberty has been reduced to a stack of papers in a cabinet, information on spreadsheets and a few photos in my computer. We don’t talk of her much anymore; I guess we’ve moved on. The stress finally got me – complete hair loss coupled with weight-gain, ulcers … a couple of teeth have fallen out. I’m being medically discharged from the Army. My fate is set, my days are numbered, and my future is in the hands of an unstoppable process. Regretfully, in a mere four to six years, I’ll be moving on. We now have a cat. It’s not a dog, but currently there are no Army cat regulations. Liberty was taken in by another military family, not an Army family, but a nice Air Guard family. I see them out walking, loving life, smiling, playful, having fun – it’s good to see true happiness has filled Liberty’s soul. “Larry, wake up. You’re dreaming!” Lisa yells. “You keep trying to throw something.” In my dream, the cold bite of winter had invaded Jefferson City. A few fellow Army cat owners and I lured Liberty’s family into an L-shaped ambush and pummeled them with snowballs. I had trouble falling back asleep, “Just who the hell do those Air Guard guys think they are!”
FROM THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR By Dr. Joel D. Denney, Missouri National Guard Association A few days ago, I heard a longtime Missouri Guardsmen say this: “There are two very important things to remember if you are in the National Guard. First, keep in mind that there is life after Guard service ends. Second, take advantage of every opportunity available to you as a Guardsman to improve your education, training, and skill set.” I thought this was sage advice. As such, about the only constant any more is the fact that change will continue to happen throughout life. A quality education is an asset in dealing with change. The advice recognizes that there are education and training opportunities that are available to Missouri Guardsmen that are not available to others. This can give Missouri Guardsmen an edge in preparing for life’s changes – an edge of which Soldiers and Airmen should avail themselves. In different pieces in this issue of the Sentinel, there is information about three higher education institutions in Missouri that clearly are “Guard friendly” – Columbia College, Grantham University and the University of Central Missouri. There are other institutions in the Show- Me State that are also “Guard friendly” – in future issues of the Sentinel we will call your attention to some of them. To all these institutions, we are appreciative of the dedication they have demonstrated to Missouri’s citizen Soldiers – making them better Guardsmen and getting them ready for life after Guard Missouri National Guard Retirees – You can continue to serve! Missouri needs volunters for the Missouri Reserve Military Force. The Reserve Force provides a unique opportunity for utilizing your military leadership skills to continue serving our state and nation. To learn more or become a volunteer member of the MRF, contact the Office of the Adjutant General at 573-638-9890 or 573-638-9633. service. And we are also appreciative of their support for the Missouri National Guard Association through their financial gifts, in-kind contributions and corporate membership. I continue to be honored to serve you. And I continue to believe that the “Guard is right for America.” Feel free DEPARTMENT – leadership>> to contact me in the Association’s office at Missouri National Guard Headquarters by telephone at 573-632-4240 or by email at denney@mo-nga.org. THE SENTINEL • Spring 2013 5
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