Feminism in Russia - Passport magazine

Personal Opinion
Regally Ribbed
Anth Ginn
Britain continues to play its role as a
world power as David Cameron follows
in the footsteps of Tony Blair, working
for peace in the Middle East. Before he
was given the job of “peace envoy” Blair
set the bar rather high by helping start
two wars in the region. David Cameron
recently went on a trip to the trouble
spot, promoting democracy by selling
British weapons to anybody with a
cheque book and an oil well.
Nick Clegg was asked who was in
charge while Cameron was away. He
thought for a moment, made a phone
call, and was reminded he was the deputy
prime minister. He eventually replied,
“Oh, I suppose it must be me then.”
Meanwhile the Labour Party have
become bankrupt. They are £23 million
in the red. The shadow cabinet have
promised to get Saturday jobs to help
repay the overdraft. The party have reverted
to their former status of being
bankrolled by the trade unions, who recently
gave them £2.2 million. The Tories
banked £11.4 million from companies in
the City, and the Lib-dems received a
£5.99 voucher for Boots the chemists
and a £3.00 W. H. Smiths book token,
from one of Nick Clegg’s neighbours.
2011 is a UK National Census year. The
last UK census, ten years ago, revealed
that almost half a million Brits had entered
their religion as Jedi, and a considerable
amount claimed to be witches.
Church leaders have objected to Jedis
and witches being classed as religions,
but the government, worried about becoming
victims of black magic and the
power of the Force, said they are powerless
to do anything about it.
April 2011
Readers will be pleased to know that
the nation’s obsession with Health and
Safety continues unabated. A woman
from Cheshire was recently awarded
thousands of pounds in damages after
attending an event organised by the
Health and Safety Executive and falling
down an open drain.
The 2012 London Olympics draw nearer,
and to emphasise their commitment to
sexual equality and political correctness,
the organisers have decided the first event
will be women’s football, which will be
held two days before the opening event
in a different country (Wales). There have
been complaints about the ticket prices
for some events. Some tickets will be on
sale for over £2000, which is almost as expensive
as a train ticket from London to
Manchester. Beach volleyball, originally
planned to take place in Brighton, has had
the venue changed to Horse Guards Parade,
after organisers discovered that there
was no beach in the south coast resort, and
the scarcity of heterosexuals in the town
could adversely affect ticket sales.
I’d hoped to avoid the Royal Wedding
this issue, but I’m afraid developments in
the lucrative souvenir market can’t pass
without mention. This regal topic has
produced little that is more bizarre than
commemorative heritage condoms. The
sales literature points out, “Like a Royal
Wedding, intercourse with a loved one is an
unforgettable occasion.”
The condoms are available from “Crown
Jewels, Condoms of Distinction,” who inform
us that the prophylactics , “Combine
the strength of a Prince with the yielding
sensitivity of a Princess-to-be, Crown Jewels
condoms promise a royal union of pleasure.
Truly a King amongst Condoms. “
Three individually wrapped condoms
are presented in a “timeless souvenir heirloom
collector’s box” which includes a full
colour “collectable portrait of the Royal
Couple as they might appear on their
wedding day”. They are “lavishly lubed”
and “regally ribbed”. A pinch, or a stretch,
or a squeeze at £5.00 a box.
Unfortunately the small print at the
bottom of the screen informs us,
“Crown Jewels Royal Wedding Souvenir
Condoms are a novelty condom not suitable
for contraception or protection against STDs.”
So if you want to practice royalty-inspired
birth control, maybe a picture of
Charles and Camilla on the bedside table
will be more effective. P
High res press photos downloadable from
www.crownjewelscondoms.com