Writing Strategies

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
CAHSEE on Target
English Language Arts Curriculum
Published by
The University of California, Davis,
School/University Partnerships Program
2006
Director
Sarah R. Martinez, School/University Partnerships, UC Davis
Developed and Written by
Syma Solovitch, School/University Partnerships, UC Davis
Reviewers
Jennifer Osborne, UC Davis English Graduate
Faith Paul, School/University Partnerships, UC Davis
Linda Whent, School/University Partnerships, UC Davis
Sarah Rees, School/University Partnerships, UC Davis
Design and Layout
Bo Botelli, Publications Coordinator
Jack Zhang, Publications Assistant
Advising Services, UC Davis
The CAHSEE on Target curriculum was made possible by
funding and support from the California Academic Partnership Program,
GEAR UP, and the University of California Office of the President.
We also gratefully acknowledge the contributions of those teachers
and administrators at Sacramento High School and Woodland High School
who piloted the CAHSEE on Target curriculum.
© Copyright The Regents of the University of California, Davis campus, 2005-06
All Rights Reserved. Pages intended to be reproduced for students activities
may be duplicated for classroom use. All other text may not be reproduced in any form
without the express written permission of the copyright holder.
For further information,
please visit the School/University Partnerships Web site at:
http://sup.ucdavis.edu

CAHSEE CAHSEE on on Target
Target
Introduction to the CAHSEE
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
The CAHSEE stands for the California High School Exit Exam.
The English Language Arts section of the CAHSEE consists of
72 multiple-choice questions (45 reading items and 27 writing items)
and one essay (accounting for 18% of the section).
The items span across 6 distinct strands:
• Word Analysis: 7 Questions
• Reading Comprehension (Informational Text): 18 Questions
• Literary Response & Analysis: 20 Questions
• Writing Conventions: 15 Questions
• Writing Strategies: 12 Questions
• Writing Applications: 1 Essay (18% of the total score)
What is
CAHSEE on Target?
CAHSEE on Target is a tutoring
course specifically designed for
the California High School Exit Exam
(CAHSEE). The goal of the program is to
pinpoint each student’s areas of weakness
and to then address those weaknesses
through classroom and small group instruction,
concentrated review, computer tutorials and
challenging games.
Each student will receive a separate workbook for
each strand and will use these workbooks during
their tutoring sessions. These workbooks will
present and explain each concept covered
on the CAHSEE, and introduce effective
strategies for reading comprehension,
essay writing, and text revision.

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Writing Strategies for the CAHSEE
The Writing Strategies section of the CAHSEE consists of 2 multiple-choice questions.
You will be given several short passages that are grammatically correct but that contain
stylistic errors. You will be directed to individual paragraphs, sentences, or parts of sentences
in these passages and asked to edit them.
CAHSEE Example
CAHSEE release questions based on the passage “Essay Writing”:
Essay Writing
( ) To begin an essay, a student should have some knowledge of the topic or be willing
to search out information. (2) Then one must focus clearly on the prompt, addressing all
its major points, and making sure that the central purpose is evident throughout the
entire essay. (3) Interesting and convincing examples with lots of specific details are always
helpful. (4) The details must show some kind of clear arrangement—chronological, spatial,
or order-of-importance. (5) A student writer will also want to revise a first draft so that any
errors in grammar and mechanics can be got rid of. (6) Steps can be taken to edit essays.
(7) Relying solely on “SpellCheck” can be risky; (8) It does not catch the common errors
that students make, such as confusing “your” and “you’re.” (9) If students meet all these
requirements, then they will have written very effectively.
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CAHSEE on Target
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Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
. Which of the following sentences, if inserted before sentence , would make the
MOST effective opening sentence?
A. Writing an essay is easy if one uses a computer.
B. Good essays are always written in black pen.
C. Any student can write a successful essay
D. Teachers sometimes assign difficult essays.
2. Which is the MOST effective substitution for the underlined part of sentence 5?
A. and ridding of errors in grammar and mechanics.
B. to get rid of errors in grammar and mechanics.
C. and getting rid of errors in grammar and mechanics.
D. Leave as is
Source: California Department of Education, 2004
Note: You do not need to answer these questions now.
We will return to this exercise later.
Notice that these questions focus on style. There are no grammatical errors in the text,
yet the writing does not flow. There is no opening sentence to introduce the reader to
the topic or main point of the essay. There are awkward sentence constructions, such as
the one that is underlined. These passages and questions are typical of those you will see
on the Writing Strategies section of the CAHSEE.
In this packet, we will look at three broad areas:
• Coherence: Things fit together in a logical and clear way.
• Unity: Everything belongs; there are no sentences or phrases that are unnecessary
• Information Resources: Sources (such as books, magazines, Web sites) needed to
find information and do research
information resources
UNITY3
COHERENCE

I. Coherence
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In coherent writing, sentences fit together and flow in a logical and clear way.
The ideas tie together smoothly and clearly, and readers can easily follow along.
There are many factors that contribute to a coherent piece of writing:
• Appropriate paragraph breaks
• Appropriate transitions
• Sentence variety
• Concise and precise language
• Appropriate verb form (emphasis on the active voice)
A. Paragraphs
Paragraphs tell the reader when a new point or new information is presented.
Each paragraph tells the reader something new and important.
Indent to begin new paragraphs . . .
• at the beginning of a story
• when you’re changing the topic
• when you’re making a new point
• when the speaker changes
• when the place changes
• when the action changes
• when the time changes
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CAHSEE on Target
Paragraph Exercise: Tutor Version
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Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Read the essay below and mark wherever a new paragraph is needed.
The character “ ” means begin a new paragraph.
Bright Lights, Green Spaces
Many people are attracted to the bright lights and hustle bustle of the big city. They
love the frenetic energy and pulsating rhythm that only a major metropolis can
provide. Others prefer the peacefulness and natural beauty of the countryside.
They find the people friendlier, the air cleaner. Often overlooked, however,
is the small college town. For those who seek a safe environment for their
children, as well as a broad range of cultural diversion, the small college town is
worth exploring. First, college towns offer the kind of cultural diversity
found in big cities. Students and faculty come from every major continent
on the globe. There are Africans, Asians, Europeans, South Americans, and
Australians. They bring their customs, languages, and music with them, thus
transposing the small college town into a tiny cultural oasis. On a walk across
campus, one might hear snippets of French, Italian, Arabic, and Hebrew. On
the college green, one can hear West African drumming, Cuban salsa, or music
from the Andes. In addition, college towns attract a highly educated workforce.
Colleges bring college professors, along with doctors, lawyers, and high-level
administrators. In fact, college towns boast the highest number of residents with
doctoral and professional degrees. Moreover, most of these residents were
born and raised elsewhere and, as a result, they bring with them a certain
continued on
next page
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CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
sophistication and worldliness not typically found in a small town. They enjoy the theater, art,
film, and foreign cuisine, and they can afford to partake of all of these. Consequently, most
college towns have a performing arts center, as well as several movie theaters, art galleries,
and ethnic restaurants. At the same time, small college towns are ideal for those who love the
great outdoors. Often the layout of the town itself encourages people to be physically active.
There are large, sprawling parks, bike paths that meander through woods and along streams,
and horseback riding trails. Many students and professors choose to leave their cars at home
and get around town and campus by bike. Outdoor, family-oriented events encourage residents
to engage with one another. In the summer months, there are outdoor concerts on the college
green, community picnics and barbecues at the park, and Saturday shopping at the farmer’s
market. Everyone seems to know one another, and it is not uncommon to see people stopping
on the street to hug someone and chat for a few minutes. The small college town is ideal for
those who seek cultural diversity within a small, intimate setting. It offers many of the advantages
of the big city, from the visual and performing arts to opportunities to meet interesting, educated
people from all over the world. Yet people tend to be more open than in a big city, and it is
easier to make friends. Indeed, the small college town offers the best of both worlds.
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B. Transitions
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Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Readers want to know when changes are coming or when important points are going
to be made. Transitions give us this information.
Transitions are words and phrases that serve as bridges from one idea to the next,
one sentence to the next, or one paragraph to the next. Without them, sentences and
paragraphs come across as choppy - - as just a list of points or facts that have no
connection with one another. We can group transitions into seven basic categories:
Transitions to Compare Transitions to Contrast
• Also
• In the same way
• Just as …
• Likewise
• Like
• As in …
• Here, too,
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• Although
• While
• On the contrary
• Nevertheless
• Yet
• Unlike
• However
• On the other hand
Transitions to emphasize Transitions to clarify
• Indeed
• Truly
• For this reason
• Simply stated
• In fact
• Another key point
• Most importantly
• More importantly
• Surprisingly enough
• For example
• For instance
• In other words
• Simply stated
• Therefore

CAHSEE on Target
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Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Transitions to add info Transitions to Conclude
• In addition
• Moreover
• Furthermore
• Equally important
• Second
• Third
• Finally
• Another factor
Transitions to list info
• First
• Second
• Third
• In addition
• Another factor
• In the beginning
• At the end
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• Finally
• In summary
• In conclusion
• Lastly
• Therefore
• For this reason
• To conclude

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Transitions Exercise: Tutor Version (Possible Transitions)
Add appropriate transitions to the following essay.
Refer to your list of transition words and phrases.
Did you know that driving can be the most risky activity in which people engage?
_______________, among professional drivers (people who drive for a living), the risks are
even higher. According to a recent report published by the Center for Disease Control
and Prevention, driving is the most dangerous activity workers engage in while on the job.
There are many factors that contribute to the high rate of accidents among
professional drivers. _______________, those who drive for a living, such as truck drivers,
often drive long distances and are therefore more likely to experience driver’s fatigue.
_______________ it is recommended that all drivers stop every two hours and rest for ten
to fifteen minutes, those who drive professionally are often under pressure to make good
time. _______________, they tend to drive straight to their destination.
_______________, professional drivers are more likely to eat, drink, and change music
CD’s while they drive. These activities are distracting and lead to a higher incidence of
accidents. _______________, the National Safety Council has estimated that between 20
and 30 percent of all motor vehicle accidents in the United States can be attributed to
engaging in distracting activities while driving.
_______________, the advent of the cell phone has revolutionized driving, for better or for
worse. For those who spend long hours on the road, cell phones have become indispensable;
they provide an essential link to their employers, clients, and loved ones. _______________,
there are serious disadvantages to using cell phones while driving. Studies have shown
that drivers are less attentive to the road when using their cell phones. _______________,
they are much more likely to cause or become involved in an accident.
Next time you consider the risks of flying on an airplane, think about your drive to
the airport. Driving is a serious activity; without serious drivers, it can be a dangerous activity.
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Transitional Statements
CAHSEE on Target
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Transitions are not limited to words and phrases. They can also be whole sentences.
Reread the passage “Essay Writing” on page 2. What is the main idea in the passage?
Is it ever stated? There is no one sentence that pulls the entire passage together in a
coherent manner.
The following question, based on the passage, focuses on this weakness:
CAHSEE Example
Which of the following sentences, if inserted before sentence , would make the MOST
effective opening sentence?
A. Writing an essay is easy if one uses a computer.
B. Good essays are always written in black pen.
C. Any student can write a successful essay
D. Teachers sometimes assign difficult essays.
Source: California Department of Education, 2004
Explain Your Answer:
0

C. Sentence Variety
CAHSEE on Target
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Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Readers become bored with words and sentences that never vary.
Weak writing often contains short, choppy sentences, in which the same pattern
is repeated over and over again.
Examples of choppy sentences:
. Ramona is my best friend. She lives across the street.
2. Carolyn is a high school senior. She will be graduating in June.
There is no variety in the structure of the above sentences. Notice that in almost
every sentence, the pattern remains the same. This repetitive pattern makes
the writing seem choppy.
There are five ways to avoid short, choppy sentences:
1. Use Commas to Combine Sentences
Example: Ramona is my best friend. She lives across the street.
Revised: Ramona, my best friend, lives across the street.
Example: Carolyn is a high school senior. She will be graduating in the spring.
Revised: Carolyn, a high school senior, will be graduating in June.
On Your Own: Combine the sentences by using commas.
Evelyn is a cheer leader at Douglass High School. She is dating a college junior.

CAHSEE on Target
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Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
2. Use Conjunctions to Combine Sentences
You can combine sentences that have the same subject and/or verb by
using conjunctions.
Example: Phyllis is attending college and working part time.
Conjunctions are the short little words that are used to connect words,
phrases, and ideas. Examples of conjunctions include the following: but,
and, or, so, yet.
Example: Andrew spends two hours each night on his homework. He is still
having problems in his math class.
Revised: Andrew spends two hours each night on his homework, but he is still
having problems in his math class.
Note: When connecting two sentences with a conjunction, place a comma
before the connecting conjunction.
On Your Own: Combine the sentences by using conjunctions.
. I cannot find her number in my address book. I will look it up in the phone book.
2. I studied until two o’clock in the morning. I still don’t feel ready for my history exam.
and but or
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CAHSEE on Target
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Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
3. Use Relative Clauses to Combine Sentences
A relative clause is a clause that begins with a relative pronoun:
who, which, whom, that, whose.
You can combine sentences that begin with the same subject by using
a relative clause.
Example: John, who is my three-year-old brother, is very smart.
Example: My brother John, who is three years old, is very smart.
Note: Enclose your relative clauses in commas.
On Your Own: Combine the sentences by using relative clauses.
. Sacramento is the capital of California. It is a fascinating city.
2. My teacher was born in Tennessee. She moved to California when she was
twelve years old.
3. The exam is scheduled for tomorrow. It will consist of fifty multiple-choice questions.
whom
whose
WHICH
THAT
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who

CAHSEE on Target
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Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
4. Use Participles to Combine Sentences
A participle is an adjective made from a verb (specifically, from the -ed or –ing
form of the verb). Participles can be helpful in combining two short sentences.
Example: The baby cried all the way home. He was tired and hungry.
Revised: Tired and hungry, the baby cried all the way home.
Example: Sam was exhausted from basketball practice. He collapsed on the couch
and fell asleep.
Revised: Exhausted from basketball practice, Sam collapsed on the couch and
fell asleep.
Note: Enclose your participial phrase in commas.
On Your Own: Combine the sentences by using participles.
. She was homesick for her family. She decided to return home for the week
of Thanksgiving.
2. Miriam wasted no time in starting on her research project. She was anxious to
show her teacher that she was serious about improving her grades.
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CAHSEE on Target
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Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
5. Use Subordinate Clauses to Combine Sentences
A subordinate is a word that shows a relationship. Subordinate clauses are phrases
that begin with a subordinate. They often begin with one of the following words:
after although because if
until when while since
You can combine sentences that are related (cause and effect, etc.) by using
subordinate clauses.
Example: Sam woke up late yesterday. He missed basketball practice.
Revised: Since Sam woke up late yesterday, he missed basketball practice.
Example: I want to believe you. You’ve lied to me twice already.
Revised: Although you’ve lied to me twice already, I want to believe you.
On Your Own: Combine the sentences by using subordinate clauses.
. I won’t be able to go with you to the movies tomorrow. I have a mid-term exam
on Friday.
2. I’ll see you on Friday. I’ll bring the book that I promised you.
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CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Practice: Edit the following short, choppy sentences, using one of the strategies covered:
. I need to study for my math exam. The exam will cover five units.
2. I have already spent two hours preparing for the exam. I need to review the material
one more time.
3. She stayed home all week. She was overwhelmed with grief.
4. My nephew is home for vacation. He attends college in Arizona.
5. Matthew is a junior at UC Davis. He is majoring in Engineering.
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CAHSEE Example
CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
The following passage appeared on the CAHSEE. Read it through quickly and then
answer the question, which focuses on combining sentences.
My Brain
Sometimes I think I am probably more right-brained, but other times I feel more
left-brained. I love to play music and I especially like to make it up as I go along.
For anybody else to hear my music, they might think it sounds like noise. My brother,
for one, always complains about it. ( )
I also like to write poetry. It is a way for me to put down on paper how I am really
feeling. I write things in my poetry I would probably never tell anyone else. I am also
pretty good at giving prepared speeches in my English class. Because I really like to do
these kinds of things, I feel that I must be right-brained.
But there are other times I am not so sure about it. For example, I am really pretty good
at math and other things that require me to be logical. I also think I am pretty good at
writing essays about technical things, like explaining how things work. And I’m good
at remembering things too. (2)
Though I guess I prefer right-brained activities and can do them more easily, I can do
left-brained things pretty well if I have to. I like doing math problems. So I am not sure
what that makes me!
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CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
CAHSEE release question based on “My Brain”:
What is the BEST way to combine the underlined sentences labeled 2?
A. I am good at writing technical essays explaining how things work, and I also have
a good memory.
B. Writing technical essays, I am good at explaining how things work and I have
a good memory.
C. I am good at explaining how things work by writing technical essays and
remembering things too.
D. Explaining how things work and technical things are things I am good at writing
essays about, and I have a good memory.
Source: California Department of Education, 2004
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D. Concise Writing
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Use as few words as possible to make your point.
While short, choppy sentences are a sign of poor writing, so too is wordiness.
Example: Going to the party on Friday may present a difficulty.
The above sentence is very wordy. Here is a much simpler and clearer way
to state the idea:
Revised: It may be difficult to go to the party on Friday.
Writers often make the mistake of believing that the more words, and the bigger
these words, the better the writing. This is not true. Good writers use words that
are familiar to the reader and use just enough words to be clear.
Factors Contributing to Wordiness:
I. Redundant Words
Certain words are redundant (unnecessary and repetitive) and add little to the meaning
of a sentence.
When you write, try to avoid the following words:
• kind of
• sort of
• type of
• really
• basically
• actually
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II. Redundant Expressions
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Certain expressions are redundant (unnecessary and repetitive); they tell us
something that we already know.
Example: All applicants who are interested in the job must complete this form.
In the above sentence, the clause “who are interested in the job” is unnecessary,
since anyone applying for a job is, by definition, interested in the job.
Here is a much simpler and clearer way to state the idea:
Revised: All job applicants must complete this form.
On Your Own: There is a redundancy in each of the following expressions.
Cross out the redundant word and explain why it is redundant.
a. past memories:
b. future plans:
c. true facts:
d. completely finished:
e. large in size:
f. often times:
g. cheap price:
h. honest in character:
i. at an early time:
j. period of time:
k. round in shape:
redundant
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CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Practice: The following sentences are wordy and contain many redundancies.
Try rewriting each sentence, using as few words as possible.
. Many car buyers prefer cars that are pink in color and shiny in appearance. ( 4 words)
2
( ) words
2. That is an expensive price for a diamond that is so small in size, but if this diamond is
really something that you want, however, then buy it if you see that you have enough
money to afford to pay for it. (42 words)
( ) words
3. I might add that we have taken the first steps to build a large number of new schools.
( 8 words)
( ) words
4. It should be pointed out that we had an unfortunate and unexpected accident. ( 3 words)
( ) words
5. It is necessary that I spend a period of time to think about and reflect upon this. ( 7 words)
( ) words

E. Precise Language
Use specific words.
CAHSEE on Target
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Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
General terms, such as “nice,” “good,” or “thing” are overused and make the writing
dry and uninteresting.
Example: The man is good.
How is the man good? Is he compassionate? Is he generous? Is he equitable?
Merely stating that he is good does not tell the reader very much.
Good writers use precise and descriptive terms. They choose words that are specific
and that most closely capture their intended meaning. On the CAHSEE, you will be
given passages that use common, overused words and asked to substitute them with
more precise and descriptive terms.
CAHSEE Example:
The following CAHSEE question, which is based on the passage “The Abominable
Snowman”, focuses on concise and precise language.
Which of the following words is the BEST way to express the meaning of the word
thing in sentence ?
A. object
B. item
C. creature
D. article
Read the passage on the next page and then answer the above question.
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CAHSEE on Target
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The Abominable Snowman
( ) The Abominable Snowman is a hairy, apelike thing that is said to live in the
Himalayan Mountains of Nepal. (2) Natives of this region have believed in
the existence of this beast for many centuries. (3) However, since no one has ever
found a Yeti (the Nepalese name for the Abominable Snowman), doubts still remain.
(4) Some people who believe in the Yeti point to the discovery of peculiar footprints
found above the snowline of the Himalayas. (5) There were footprints left by animals,
and some people think that they were very much like human footprints but that they
must have been made by animals which were much heavier and larger than humans.
(6) Scientists who have studied the footprints, however, agree that they were most
likely left by bears. (7) “Bears are quite capable of walking on their two hind legs,”
says zoologist Hans Miller. (8) “This also explains many supposed Yeti sightings.
(9) At a distance, a bear walking in such a way could easily appear to be a creature
of human form. ( 0) In fact, three of the five Yeti sightings last year were determined
to be bears. ( ) The others remain unexplained.” ( 2)
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continued on
next page

CAHSEE on Target
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Nonetheless, many people remain convinced that the Yeti is real. ( 3) “There has to,”
says Raju, a mountain guide, “be something out there. ( 4) There have been too many
sightings for this all to be the product of overactive imaginations.” ( 5) And, yet, it seems
that the world will not be convinced of the existence of the Yeti until it is confirmed by
hard evidence, a live specimen, or at least a skeleton. ( 6) For now, it appears that
the Yeti will continue to inhabit the shadowy region between legend and reality.
Source: California Department of Education, 2004
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CAHSEE Example
CAHSEE on Target
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Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
The following passage appeared on the CAHSEE. Read it through quickly
and then answer the question, which focuses on precise language.
ROUGH DRAFT
Shower of Light
( ) The black sky seemed to go on forever. (2) The silence of the night was broken
only by the gentle chirps of crickets and the rhythm of the cicadas. (3) Each star
shimmered with a white light that seemed to sparkle like a diamond on a piece of
black velvet. (4) Suddenly the darkness came alive as a meteor shot across the sky,
leaving a trail that instantly vanished into the darkness. (5) Mika saw another one,
then another. (6) Some of the meteor trails glowed orange or red for a moment,
then went away.
(7) While Mika looked at one, more would appear in a different area of the sky,
and her head moved double time as she tried to make sure she didn’t miss one.
(8) The meteor shower continued to escalate, with a dozen or more meteors arcing
across the sky at the same time. (9) Meteor showers usually appear only at certain
times of the year. ( 0) They flew by so rapidly that she almost doubted she had
seen them at all. ( ) These so-called shooting stars lit up the darkness with their
shower of light and then quickly disappeared, but for Mika, they made the moment
memorable. ( 2) Mika would hold the memory of these unique showers in her mind
for many years.
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CAHSEE on Target
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Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
CAHSEE release question based on “Shower of Light”:
Read this sentence from the passage.
Some of the meteor trails glowed orange or red for a moment, then went away.
What is the MOST effective way to write the underlined part of the sentence?
A. and then they were really, really gone
B. then they disappeared and went away
C. and then they could not be seen any longer
D. then faded away as if they never had existed
Source: California Department of Education, 2004
26

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Practice: Each of the following sentences contains a general, overused word.
Replace this word (which is underlined) with one that is more specific
and descriptive.
. After all of the hot, muggy weather that we’ve been having,
I would find a rain shower nice.
A. good
B. refreshing
C. fine
D. excellent
2. Jennifer and her sister had a fight and are no longer on speaking terms
with one another.
A. battle
B. combat
C. quarrel
D. difference of opinion
3. The movie was funny; we couldn’t stop laughing.
A. hilarious
B. strange
C. fun
D. amusing
4. I find my teacher interesting; he spent ten years in China and studied
Buddhism with a famous monk.
A. attractive
B. fascinating
C. motivating
D. exciting
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F. The Active Form of the Verb
CAHSEE on Target
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Strong writers use the active form of the verb whenever possible.
Sentences written in the active voice are usually clearer and more concise
than those written in the passive voice.
Active Verb: The pitcher threw the ball.
Passive Verb: The ball was thrown by the pitcher
To understand the concept of the active and passive voice, we need
to identify the “agent” of the sentence. The agent performs the action.
Example: Melinda bought the bike.
What action is being performed? Answer: Buying the bike
Who is performing the action? Answer: Melinda
Melinda is the agent.
She is the one who is performing the action (buying the bike.)
The Active Voice: In sentences written in the active voice,
the agent performs the action.
Example: Kim sent the letter.
On Your Own: Underline the agent in each sentence.
The first one has been done for you.
. The boy threw the ball.
2. The chimpanzee has eaten the banana.
3. The secretary will type the report.
4. The mother takes her children for a stroll through the park.
5. I have signed the lease.
28

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
The Passive Voice: In sentences written in the passive voice, the action is performed by
the agent.
You can recognize the passive voice because . . .
i. The verb phrase includes a form of “be,” (am, is, was, were, are, been)
ii. The word “by” precedes (comes before) the subject.
Example: The letter was sent by Kim.
Here, Kim is still the agent, but the sentence is written in the passive voice.
On Your Own: Underline the agent in each sentence.
The first one has been done for you.
. The ball was thrown by the boy.
2. The banana was eaten by the chimpanzee.
3. The report will be typed by the secretary.
4. The children were taken by their mother for a stroll through the park.
5. The lease has been signed by me.
Your Turn: Write one sentence in the active voice and one sentence in the passive voice.
Active Voice: __________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
Passive Voice: __________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
29

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Comparing the Active and Passive Voice
Sentences in the passive voice often appear wordy and awkward.
A. Passive: The CAHSEE will be taken by all eleventh graders in the spring.
B. Active: All eleventh graders will take the CAHSEE in the spring.
Which is clearer?
Which is more concise (i.e. uses fewer words)?
A. Passive: A gift was given to the child by the teacher.
B. Active: The teacher gave the child a gift.
Which is clearer?
Which is more concise?
A. Passive: The letter was received by me in the mail.
B. Active: I received the letter in the mail.
Which is clearer?
Which is more concise?
A. Passive: The vacation was enjoyed by the family.
B. Active: The family enjoyed their vacation.
Which is clearer?
Which is more concise?
30

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Changing from the Passive Voice to the Active Voice
On the CAHSEE, you will be given sentences in the passive voice
and asked to evaluate them and determine whether they could be
stated more clearly. Usually, the clearer substitute is the sentence
written in the active voice.
Changing from the passive voice to the active voice is easy:
Just make the agent the subject of the sentence, and change
the verb.
Example:
Passive: The CAHSEE will be taken by all tenth graders next spring.
Active: All tenth graders will take the CAHSEE next spring.
On Your Own: Change to the active voice.
. A large pepperoni pizza was shared by them.
a large pepperoni pizza.
2. Homework was assigned by the teacher.
3. The fire was caused by a cigarette.
3

CAHSEE Example
CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Reread the passage “Shower of Light”, which appears on page 25.
Then answer the following question, which focuses on the active and passive voice.
What is the BEST way to state the action in sentence 2?
A. Only the gentle chirps of crickets and the rhythm of the cicadas broke
the silence of the night.
B. Breaking the silence of the night was only the gentle chirps of crickets
and the rhythm of the cicadas.
C. Broken only by the gentle chirps of crickets and the rhythm of the cicadas
was the silence of the night.
D. The silence broken in the night was by only the gentle chirps of crickets
and the rhythm of the cicadas.
Source: California Department of Education, 2004
CAHSEE Example
Reread the passage “Essay Writing”, which appears on page 2. Then answer
the following question, which focuses on the active and passive voice.
Which is the MOST effective substitution for the underlined part of sentence 5?
A. and ridding of errors in grammar and mechanics.
B. to get rid of errors in grammar and mechanics.
C. and getting rid of errors in grammar and mechanics.
D. Leave as is
Source: California Department of Education, 2004
32

Unit Review
CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Read the essay and evaluate it for coherence. Use the next page to write your comments.
The thing that is the most demanding in a young person’s life is the senior year in
high school. Many things are faced by students during this year: the application
to college, the taking of the SAT, the writing of college essays, the keeping up of grades
in school. Just the application alone can take a lot of time. Some students choose
to take night classes to prepare for the SAT. Some students have private tutors. It all
takes time if you want to get a high score. What does the future hold? It is a good time
in a person’s life. It is also very frightening. Decisions must be made. Where should
the student go to college? There are so many colleges out there. Which is the right one?
They all have certain advantages. They all have disadvantages too. It is helpful to
speak to a guidance counselor at school. They know a lot about all of the different
colleges out there and can give the student information. Then do your own research.
There are advantages to taking time off. There are disadvantages to taking time off.
It is hard to know the good thing all alone. Most people find it good to talk to their
counselors at school.
33

comments on the essay
CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
34

II. Unity of Purpose
CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
In a well-unified essay, every word contributes to its purpose. That purpose should be
clear to the reader. There are no irrelevant details that take away from that purpose.
Read the following letter to establish whether there is a clear and unified purpose.
Dear San Martino Bee,
I have a subscription to your paper. In fact, I have been a loyal customer for
the past two years. Although I do not always find the articles interesting, I do enjoy
the real estate section and find some of the editorials very good. Your last editorial
on the mayoral election, for instance, was fascinating! However, I am not pleased
with your delivery man. I do not always receive the paper and sometimes it arrives
so wet that I cannot read it. I have spoken with him in the past about the poor service.
He is a very nice person and I realize how demanding his paper route is. Still, this
is a problem for me. I have also spoken with your customer service department.
They have also been very nice. I would like to point out that Cynthia, in particular,
has been very kind to me. I know she makes a special effort to respond to my requests,
and yet my replacement paper does not always arrive. I am sure it’s not her fault.
She has probably been reassured by someone else that the paper is on its way or
has been redelivered. So what can she do? Still, I am sure you’d agree that I can’t
afford to keep paying for papers I don’t receive. This will have to end now.
Sincerely,
Esther Johnson
35

CAHSEE on Target
Unity of Purpose (continued)
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
What is the author’s purpose for writing the letter?
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
Does the letter have a unified purpose? (Does every word contribute to the author’s purpose?)
Explain.
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
Go back to the letter and cross out any words and/or sentences that do not fully contribute
to the author’s purpose.
36

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Evaluation of the letter to the San Martino Bee:
In the above letter, it is not clear what Ms. Johnson intends to do. She is clearly
unhappy about the level of service she is receiving, yet she never mentions what
she wants done about it. She includes many comments that are irrelevant to
the issue, such as her poor delivery service.
When you write, state your purpose clearly in one sentence. This will help you
organize your ideas and avoid comments and details that detract (take away) from
the main point you wish to make. Even if you do not use this sentence in your final
version, your writing will be more focused, and the point you wish to make will
be stronger.
If, for instance, Ms. Johnson had said to herself, before she began to writing her letter,
“I want the San Martino Bee to know that I wish to discontinue my service and that
I expect to be fully reimbursed for all of the papers that were delivered wet or that
never arrived,” she would have written a very different letter. The result might look
like the letter on the next page.
37

March 8, 2005
Dear San Martino Bee,
CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
I am writing this letter to end my subscription to your newspaper. In addition, I request
a refund of $27.00. I would like this matter resolved quickly and professionally.
Over the course of the last two months, I have received nine wet newspapers; these
papers were not placed in plastic wrap (as I understand to be the normal procedure
on rainy days), nor were they placed under the awning of the house, where they would have
been protected from the rain. On each of these occasions, I called your customer service
department and requested a new paper; each time I was assured that the paper would be
redelivered before the end of the day. Only three papers were redelivered.
Furthermore, within the same two-month period, 3 newspapers were never delivered
at all. Each time I contacted your customer service department and was promised a new
paper by the end of the day. Only one of the 3 missing newspapers was redelivered.
I have also spoken with the newspaper boy. I have explained to him that I have not been
happy with the service and that I intended to end my subscription if delivery did not
improve. While he was attentive and courteous at all times, the situation has not improved.
In all, you have overcharged me for 8 newspapers. Please send a refund of $27.00
( 8 newspapers @ $ .50 per paper). Since I do not believe that your service will improve,
I also wish to discontinue my subscription to your paper, effective immediately. Please
confirm receipt of this letter and send a check for $27.00 by the end of the week.
Sincerely,
Esther Johnson
38

CAHSEE Example
CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Reread the passage “My Brain” on page 7. Then answer the following question,
which focuses on unity.
Which of the following sentences does NOT fit well in the paragraph in which
it is found?
A. “I love to play music and I especially like to make it up as I go along.”
(first paragraph)
B. “I also like to write poetry.” (second paragraph)
C. “I like doing math problems.” (fourth paragraph)
D. “For example, I am really pretty good at math and other things that require
me to be logical.” (third paragraph)
Source: California Department of Education, 2004
CAHSEE Example
Reread the passage “Shower of Light”, which appears on page 25.
Then answer the following question, which focuses on unity.
Which sentence is NOT related to the main idea of paragraph 2?
A. sentence 9
B. sentence 0
C. sentence
D. sentence 2
Source: California Department of Education, 2004
39

CAHSEE on Target
III. Information Resources
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
When conducting research on a subject, there are a variety of information resources
that you can draw upon. All of them can be found in a good library. Some can be accessed
on the Internet.
A. Almanacs
Almanacs give up-to-date facts, figures, charts, and tables in a very brief and
concise format. Almanacs cover a wide range of topics, including famous people
and events, weather, geography, and economics. Since almanacs are updated
each year, make sure you have the most recent edition if you need the latest
available facts and figures. On the other hand, if you need data from an earlier year
(for example, the population of China in 956), consult the almanac for that year
(in this case, 956). Most libraries collect almanacs that go back many years.
To find a particular topic in an almanac, consult the index at the back of the book.
(An index is an alphabetical list of names, places, topics and sub-topics covered in
the book, along with the pages on which they are mentioned or discussed.)
B. Encyclopedias
Like almanacs, encyclopedias provide information on a wide range of topics.
In encyclopedias, however, the information is much more thorough and
comprehensive; while an almanac will provide you with the facts and a brief
overview on a topic, an encyclopedia will contain an entire narrative, which may
span several pages (depending on the topic).
Encyclopedias generally consist of several volumes, which are alphabetically
organized. Sometimes, there is one volume for each letter of the alphabet;
other times, volumes may combine two or more letters (e.g., M/N). Within each
volume, broad topics are listed in alphabetical order; sub-topics are organized
in terms of importance. For example, if you were searching for information on the
Han Dynasty of China, you would begin with the “C” volume of the
encyclopedia and search alphabetically for China. Once you found
China, you would skim the pages until you came to the
sub-heading entitled “History”; then, within the History
sub-heading, you would skim again until you found the
sub-heading for “Han Dynasty.”
40

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
C. Biographies
Biographies are articles or books written about one person.
There exist biographies about almost every major historical
person that you can imagine. While most biographies are
written about famous people, they are not limited to the
famous; in fact, many writers have written biographies of their
fathers, mothers, or siblings.
Note: An autobiography is also a book written about one
person, but the author is the same person being written
about. Remember: “auto” means self, so the biography is
written about oneself.
D. Atlases
Atlases are books that contain maps. World atlases contain
maps of the continents, countries, states, provinces, and
major bodies of water (oceans, rivers, lakes). In addition,
they provide brief facts about each country and a picture
of the country’s flag.
E. Dictionaries
Dictionaries list all of the words in a language and provide
their definitions and pronunciations. Words in the dictionary
are listed in alphabetical order.
F. Directories
Directories, such as phone books, give very brief information
(addresses, phone numbers, fax numbers, email addresses,
and web sites) about people, organizations, companies,
or institutions.
G. Gazetteers
Gazetteers are geographical dictionaries. They list places
(countries, states, cities, towns, villages) and their locations.
These locations are identified through coordinates,
such as lines of longitude and latitude. Most atlases
contain gazetteers.
4

H. Periodicals
CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Periodicals are publications that are published on a regular basis. They are
called “periodicals” because they are published periodically (recurring at regular
intervals, or periods, of time.)
Examples of periodicals include newspapers, magazines, and journals:
• Newspapers contain the news. They provide, in summary form, factual
information about an event (i.e. the “who,” “what,” “where,” “when,”
and “how”). Newspapers cover recent events in world politics, national
politics, and local politics; the financial markets; and the sports scene.
National newspapers, such as The New York Times concentrate on world
and national news, whereas local newspapers, such as The Sacramento Bee,
focus more on state and local news. Since newspapers are published daily,
they provide the most up-to-date information available.
• Magazines also cover major news events, often in more detail than newspapers.
While many magazines cater to a general audience and cover topics of broad
interest, there are those that are more specialized and aimed at a narrower
section of the population (for example, magazines that specialize in gardening,
music or sports.) Even more specialized are the “trade magazines”; these are
aimed at those in a particular trade (or profession), such as advertising executives
or interior designers. Magazines are generally published weekly (Time) or
monthly (The Atlantic).
• Journals are scholarly publications. They contain long, detailed articles written
by specialists in an academic discipline, such as sociology, psychology, or
medicine. Unlike magazine articles, journal articles are research oriented.
They are generally published monthly, bi-monthly (every two months), quarterly
(every three months - - four times a year) or semi-annually (every six months).
42

I. Textbooks
CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Textbooks are books that contain information on an academic subject and are
commonly used in the classroom by students and teachers. They are organized by
“chapter,” each of which focuses on a particular topic. Often the knowledge base
deepens from one chapter to the next, with a topic introduced in the first chapter
and expanded upon in subsequent chapters. For this reason, textbooks should be
read sequentially (in the order in which the material is presented); otherwise, a
student may have difficulty following the explanations and examples that appear later.
For a quick overview of the topics presented in a textbook, consult the table of contents
at the beginning of the book. To locate more specific information, consult the index
(an alphabetical list of names, places, topics and sub-topics covered in the book, along
with the pages on which they are mentioned or discussed). The index appears at the
back of the book. To quickly find the definition of a technical or specialized term used
in the book, consult the glossary (a list of terms and their definitions, arranged in
alphabetical order), which also appears at the back of the book.
J. Documentaries
Documentaries are films or TV programs that present facts about a person or event.
Like a biography, a documentary may tell the story of a person’s life; like an encyclopedia,
it may cover the major facts about an event; and like a magazine article, it may provide
a detailed narrative on an event. The major difference is the format in which the
information is presented: a documentary is an audiovisual resource.
43

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Practice: Match each question with the correct resource.
Choose from the following resources:
almanac, atlas, biography, dictionary, encyclopedia, gazetteer, newspaper, and directory.
. When did the Civil War begin and end?
__________________________________________
2. What’s the latitude and longitude of Paris, France?
__________________________________________
3. What is the proper pronunciation of the word “museum”?
__________________________________________
4. What are the major museums in Sacramento, California?
__________________________________________
5. Where can I find more about the life of William Shakespeare, particularly his childhood?
__________________________________________
6. What was the population of Kentucky in 200 ?
__________________________________________
7. What was the score for the game between the Chicago Bulls and the Sacramento Kings
last night?
__________________________________________
8. Is Charleston, South Carolina on the Atlantic Ocean?
__________________________________________
44

CAHSEE Example
CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Reread the passage “The Abominable Snowman”, which appears on pages 23 and 24.
Then answer the question, which focuses on information resources.
Based on the essay, which of the following would be the BEST source of information
to demonstrate that the Yeti most likely does NOT exist?
A. a book of Nepalese legends which contains stories about the Yeti
B. a documentary about the Yeti containing interviews with Yeti believers
C. a poster which has pictures of all known Himalayan mammals
D. a magazine article which demonstrates the falsehood of all supposed Yeti sightings
Source: California Department of Education, 2004
45

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
IV. How to Write and Interpret a Bibliography
On the CAHSEE, you may be asked to interpret parts of a bibliography. A bibliography is
a list of all of the references, or sources of information, used in any research report or study.
There are different bibliographical styles that are used, but the most common one, as well as
the one used on the CAHSEE, is the one we will examine in this packet.
A. Order of Entries
As we said above, a bibliography is a list of references. The list is compiled in
alphabetical order, based on each author’s last name.
Example: Look at the three bibliographical entries below:
Harrison, Abigal. The Invention of Superglue. New York: Pearson Press, 2003.
Martin, Julia. The Age of Superglue. Boston: Mint Press, 2004.
Wheeler, Beatrice. The Dangers of Superglue. New Orleans: Crescent Press, 2004.
Notice that the entries above are listed alphabetically by the authors’ last names:
Harrison, Martin & Wheeler.
46

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
On Your Own: Rewrite the four entries below in their correct order.
Cramer, Elizabeth. A Day at the Races. London: Rein Press, 2004.
Brent, Gerald. The Kentucky Derby. Philadelphia: Bryce Books, 2000.
Baker, Amy. A History of Race Horses. San Francisco: Penwick Press, 2004.
Caiter, Ronald. A History of the Kentucky Derby. New York: Brighton Press, 2003.
47

B. Bibliographical Format
CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
The most common bibliographical format is the following:
Author’s Last Name, Author’s First Name. Title of Book. City in which book was
published: Name of Publishing Company, Year in which the book was published.
Notice the punctuation:
. A comma (,) separates the author’s last name from his/her first name.
2. A period (.) separates the author’s first name from the book title.
3. A period (.) separates the title of the book from the city in which the book
was published.
4. A colon (:) separates the city from the name of the publishing company.
5. A comma (,) separates the name of the publishing company from the year
in which the book was published.
6. A period (.) ends the entry.
Here is an example of an entry in proper bibliographical format:
Example:
Thackery, William. Vanity Fair. New York: Random House, 200 .
On Your Own: Answer the questions based on the above entry:
. Where was the book published? ____________________________
2. In what year was the book published? ____________________________
3. Who published the book? ________________________________________________
4. What is the name of the book? ____________________________________________
5. What is the author’s complete name? ______________________________________
48

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Practice: Read the following bibliography and answer the questions that follow:
Balmuth, Miriam. The Roots of Phonics: A Historical Introduction.
New York: Teachers College Press, 995.
Barth, Roland. Improving Schools from Within.
San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers, 99 .
Bowen, William & Bok, Derek. The Shape of the River.
Princeton: Princeton University Press, 998.
Lemann, Nicholas. The Big Test.
New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 999.
Questions:
. Who wrote The Shape of the River?
_______________________________________________________________________
2. In the second entry, what does “San Francisco” refer to?
_______________________________________________________________________
3. In the third entry, what does “Princeton University Press” refer to?
_______________________________________________________________________
4. Which of the four books listed above is the most recently published?
_______________________________________________________________________
5. Where was The Big Test published?
_______________________________________________________________________
6. Who published The Roots of Phonics?
_______________________________________________________________________
49

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
Strand Review: Read the following passage, which appeared on the CAHSEE, and then answer
all of the questions that follow.
Amelia Earhart: An Aviation Pioneer
( ) Earhart began her flying career soon after airplanes were first invented. (2) As a child,
she was fascinated by the idea of being a pilot. (3) At the age of 23, she took flying lessons
from Neta Snook, one of very few women pilots at the time. (4) In 92 Earhart bought
her own airplane. (5) And she used it to set the first of many aviationrecords. (6) She flew
up to 4,000 feet, setting the women’s altitude record.
(7) In 928 Earhart was the first woman to cross the Atlantic by air. (8) The trip took about
2 hours. (9) She published a book about her experiences and followed it with a lecture
tour. ( 0) A few years later, in 932, she piloted a plane from Newfoundland to Northern
Ireland, making her the first woman to fly across the Atlantic alone. ( ) Then she went
on to do many other things in aviation. ( 2) In fact, Earhart became an important pioneer
in the world of aviation.
( 3) In June of 937 Earhart and her navigator Frederick
Noonan left Miami, Florida, in an attempt to fly around
the world. ( 4) The pair made it to New Guinea on
June 30. ( 5) Earhart and Noonan had traveled a
distance of 20,000 miles across the Pacific Ocean before
their plane was lost. ( 6) Amelia Earhart, one of the most
renownedaviators in history, dared to attempt the most
hazardous flights of her time. ( 7) In her own words,
she summed up her philosophy: “Courage is the price
that life exacts for granting peace with yourself.”
50

CAHSEE on Target
UC Davis, School and University Partnerships
Student Workbook: Writing Strategies Strand
CAHSEE release questions based on “Amelia Earhart”
. Which sentence would BEST begin the essay?
A. This paper is about Amelia Earhart, a famous pilot.
B. Most people like to red about famous pilots.
C. There are several interesting facts about Amelia Earhart, a famous airplane pilot.
D. Amelia Earhart was one of the most famous airplane pilots of her time.
2. What is the BEST way to combine the sentences labeled 4 and 5?
A. In 92 Earhart bought her own plane and used it to set the first of many
aviation records.
B. Buying her own plane in 92 , the first of many aviation records was set
by Earhart.
C. The first of many aviation records was set in 92 by Earhart when she bought
her own plane and used it.
D. Setting the first of many aviation records in 92 , Earhart bought her own plane.
3. Which of the following would be the MOST precise way to state the underlined
words in the sentence labeled ?
A. have several other good times
B. take some other actions
C. find other adventures
D. set other records
4. What source is BEST for finding out what happened on Amelia Earhart’s flight from
Newfoundland to Northern Ireland?
A. a chapter in a history textbook
B. an encyclopedia article on Earhart
C. a book on the construction of airplanes
D. a biography of Earhart
Source: California Department of Education, 2004
5