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Variety
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Culture
Top Ten Surprising “Facts” About Curling
Andrew Schreyer
Variety Section Columnist
10. Every year it’s watched by dozens of people.
9. Curling is consistently ranked the world’s number one broom-related sport.
8. It’s a lot like hockey, minus the speed and excitement.
7. No number 7 -- writer fell asleep while researching curling facts.
7
Opinion
6. Not to be confused with Norwegian sport “Carling” where you push a guy named Carl
across the ice.
5. Longest match ever: unknown, because no one ever stays till the end.
4. No number 4 -- writer still asleep. Man, curling is boring.
3. Mickey Rourke is making a film about a washed-up curling legend who comes back for
one last big curl.
2. The thing they slide down the ice is called “thing they slide down the ice.”
Dear Edgar,
Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I
don’t have a special someone to share it
with this year. I really want a Valentine,
but I don’t know where to find one.
What can I do?
Hopeless Romantic
Dear Edgar,
Dear Hopeless,
Valentine’s Day is that special time
of year when two people who love each other
express their love in lavish ways. If you want to
partake in this potentially expensive time of year
and you need a Valentine fast, I recommend going
to this website: buyadate.org. It may be illegal
and a little sketchy, but if you’re as desperate as
you sound, this will be great! You can search for a
person to be your date on the most important day
of the year. The best part - if you make a fool of
yourself, you’ll never have to see them again! It’s a
win-win for you and them.
Photo: Dan Bronovan
1. No one cares.
Classif ieds: Misconnections
Student Union Perfect at the Port
I saw you in the Student Union on
Wednesday the first at approximately half
past eleven. You had brown hair, a good
bag, cheap shoes, and a light West Virginia
accent, and I could smell your Evian
skin cream (I believe I also detected L’Air
du Temps, though I don’t think you were
wearing it that day). I would love to have
you for dinner sometime, and maybe you
could tell me some things about yourself:
I can prepare a lovely dish of liver and fava
beans, with some nice wine, perhaps.
I think you’d especially like my drawing
of the Duomo as seen from the Belvedere
(all from memory, I might add!). I work
in the Psych department, but don’t worry
about finding me: when the time is right, I
think you’ll know just where to look.
I catch your eyes and you look back in
mine. We connect for that brief moment
in front of the Port, where I can always
find you. You look so cute with your hair
coming out of your gray beanie. How I
long for us to share a coffee and conversation
together. Maybe I can sport your
beanie to show we’re going steady. I know
you’re single and you’ve been flirting with
that tall dark brown haired girl…I have
dark brown hair too, and my height is
above average.
Maybe you’d want to flirt with me. Let’s
have our first date on Valentine’s Day so
we can have our anniversaries on that
special couple’s day. Let’s meet in front of
the Port. Noon. Friday. I miss you…