Ulrike Meinhof on the Dead Wing - German Guerilla
Ulrike Meinhof on the Dead Wing - German Guerilla
Ulrike Meinhof on the Dead Wing - German Guerilla
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<str<strong>on</strong>g>Ulrike</str<strong>on</strong>g> <str<strong>on</strong>g>Meinhof</str<strong>on</strong>g> <strong>on</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>Dead</strong> <strong>Wing</strong><br />
From <strong>the</strong> period between June 16, 1972 and February 9, 1973:<br />
The feeling, <strong>on</strong>e’s head explodes (<strong>the</strong> feeling, <strong>the</strong> top of <strong>the</strong> skull will<br />
simply split, burst open)—<br />
<strong>the</strong> feeling, <strong>on</strong>e’s spinal column presses into <strong>on</strong>e’s brain<br />
<strong>the</strong> feeling, <strong>on</strong>e’s brain gradually shrivels up like, like dried fruit, for<br />
example—<br />
<strong>the</strong> feeling, <strong>on</strong>e is c<strong>on</strong>stantly, imperceptibly, flooded, <strong>on</strong>e is remotec<strong>on</strong>trolled—<br />
<strong>the</strong> feeling, <strong>on</strong>e’s associati<strong>on</strong>s are hacked away—<br />
<strong>the</strong> feeling, <strong>on</strong>e pisses <strong>the</strong> soul out of <strong>on</strong>e’s body, like when <strong>on</strong>e cannot<br />
hold water—<br />
<strong>the</strong> feeling, <strong>the</strong> cell moves. One wakes up, opens <strong>on</strong>e’s eyes: <strong>the</strong> cell<br />
moves; afterno<strong>on</strong>, if <strong>the</strong> sun shines in, it is suddenly still. One<br />
cannot get rid of <strong>the</strong> feeling of moti<strong>on</strong>. One cannot tell whe<strong>the</strong>r <strong>on</strong>e<br />
shivers from fever or from cold—<br />
<strong>on</strong>e cannot tell why <strong>on</strong>e shivers—<strong>on</strong>e freezes.<br />
To speak at a normal volume requires an effort like that necessary to<br />
speak loudly, almost like that necessary to shout—<br />
<strong>the</strong> feeling, <strong>on</strong>e falls silent—<br />
<strong>on</strong>e can no l<strong>on</strong>ger identify <strong>the</strong> meaning of words, <strong>on</strong>e can <strong>on</strong>ly guess—<br />
<strong>the</strong> use of sibilants—s, ß, tz, z, sch is absolutely unbearable<br />
guards, visits, <strong>the</strong> yard seems to be made of celluloid—<br />
headaches—<br />
flashes—<br />
sentence c<strong>on</strong>structi<strong>on</strong>, grammar, syntax—can no l<strong>on</strong>ger be c<strong>on</strong>trolled.<br />
When writing: two lines—by <strong>the</strong> end of <strong>the</strong> sec<strong>on</strong>d line, <strong>on</strong>e cannot<br />
remember <strong>the</strong> beginning of <strong>the</strong> first—<br />
The feeling, internal burnout—<br />
<strong>the</strong> feeling, if <strong>on</strong>e must say what’s wr<strong>on</strong>g, if <strong>on</strong>e wants to let it out, it’s<br />
like a rush of boiling water in <strong>the</strong> face, like, for example, boiling<br />
water that scalds forever, that disfigures—<br />
Raging aggressiveness, for which no outlet exists. That’s <strong>the</strong> worst.<br />
Keen awareness that <strong>on</strong>e cannot survive; a complete breakdown of<br />
<strong>the</strong> capacity to deal with this;<br />
Visits leave no trace. A half an hour later <strong>on</strong>e can <strong>on</strong>ly mechanically<br />
rec<strong>on</strong>struct whe<strong>the</strong>r <strong>the</strong> visit was today or last week.<br />
t h i s a n d o t h e r d o c u m e n t s a v a i l a b l e a t<br />
A ny t h e f o o t n o t e s i n t h i s d o c u m e n t h a v e b e e n a d d e d by t h e e d i t o r s –<br />
n<strong>on</strong>e of <strong>the</strong>m appeared in <strong>the</strong> original document<br />
271
Compared to this, bathing <strong>on</strong>ce a week means: a momentary thaw, a<br />
moment of rest—to stop for a couple of hours—<br />
The feeling, time and space rec<strong>on</strong>nect—<br />
<strong>the</strong> feeling of finding <strong>on</strong>eself in a house of mirrors, like in an<br />
amusement park—to stagger—<br />
Afterwards: incredible euphoria, that <strong>on</strong>e heard something—<br />
bey<strong>on</strong>d <strong>the</strong> acoustic day and night differentiati<strong>on</strong>—<br />
The feeling, time now flows, <strong>the</strong> brain expands again, <strong>the</strong> spinal<br />
column sinks down after some weeks.<br />
The feeling, as if <strong>on</strong>e’s skin is thickening.<br />
The sec<strong>on</strong>d time (December 12, 1973 until January 3, 1974):<br />
Ears buzzing. Waking up, <strong>on</strong>e feels as if <strong>on</strong>e has been beaten.<br />
The feeling, <strong>on</strong>e moves in slow moti<strong>on</strong>.<br />
The feeling, finding yourself in a vacuum, as if you’re encased in lead.<br />
Afterwards: Shock. As if an ir<strong>on</strong> plate had fallen <strong>on</strong> your head.<br />
Comparis<strong>on</strong>s, c<strong>on</strong>cepts that invade <strong>on</strong>e’s mind:<br />
(Psycho) shredding—<br />
The feeling of traveling through space packed into a barrel so that <strong>the</strong><br />
accelerati<strong>on</strong> causes your skin to flatten—<br />
Kafka’s penal col<strong>on</strong>y—The versi<strong>on</strong> with a bed of nails—<br />
A n<strong>on</strong>-stop rollercoaster ride.<br />
The radio: it offers minimal stress reducti<strong>on</strong>, like when <strong>on</strong>e, for<br />
example, reduces <strong>on</strong>e’s speed from 240 to 190.<br />
That everything exists in a cell that makes it in no obvious way<br />
different from any o<strong>the</strong>r cell—radio, furniture, plus newspapers,<br />
books—is actually by its implicati<strong>on</strong> ra<strong>the</strong>r aggravating: making<br />
any understanding between <strong>the</strong> pris<strong>on</strong>ers and people who do not<br />
know what silent isolati<strong>on</strong> is impossible.<br />
272 A ny t h e f o o t n o t e s i n t h i s d o c u m e n t h a v e b e e n a d d e d by t h e e d i t o r s –<br />
n<strong>on</strong>e of <strong>the</strong>m appeared in <strong>the</strong> original document
Also disorienting to <strong>the</strong> pris<strong>on</strong>er. (That it is white like a hospital cell,<br />
for example, <strong>on</strong>ly increases <strong>the</strong> terror, but mainly it is <strong>the</strong> silence. If<br />
<strong>on</strong>e lived <strong>the</strong>re, <strong>on</strong>e would paint <strong>the</strong> walls.) Clearly, <strong>on</strong>e who is in<br />
<strong>the</strong>re would ra<strong>the</strong>r be dead.<br />
Peter Milberg, who was in <strong>on</strong>e of <strong>the</strong>se things in Frankfurt-<br />
Preungesheim (“an empty medical wing”) subsequently accused his<br />
judge of “attempting” to kill him. This indicates that what is going<br />
<strong>on</strong> in <strong>the</strong>se places is simply a type of “executi<strong>on</strong>.”<br />
That is to say: A process of inner disintegrati<strong>on</strong> occurs—like<br />
something being dissolved in acid, which <strong>on</strong>e attempts to slow<br />
down by c<strong>on</strong>centrating <strong>on</strong> resistance, but nothing can stop it<br />
The complete destructi<strong>on</strong> of <strong>the</strong> pers<strong>on</strong>ality is insidious. Nobody<br />
exists outside of <strong>on</strong>eself in <strong>the</strong>se completely extraordinary<br />
circumstances.<br />
As means/method, it can quite clearly be compared, for instance, to<br />
that which <strong>the</strong>y use against <strong>the</strong> Tupamaros: to create in <strong>the</strong>m a<br />
state of nervous agitati<strong>on</strong> and ag<strong>on</strong>y, shortly before administering<br />
pentothal—which suddenly creates a feeling of relaxati<strong>on</strong> and<br />
euphoria. One expects <strong>the</strong> pris<strong>on</strong>er to lose self-c<strong>on</strong>trol.<br />
To babble.<br />
t h i s a n d o t h e r d o c u m e n t s a v a i l a b l e a t<br />
A ny t h e f o o t n o t e s i n t h i s d o c u m e n t h a v e b e e n a d d e d by t h e e d i t o r s –<br />
n<strong>on</strong>e of <strong>the</strong>m appeared in <strong>the</strong> original document<br />
273