flemings

MARTIAN HOLIDAY
(There are Matelots on Mars)
Harry was an orphan-many had doubts about his
ancestry. Harf) was also a boffin for he had E.T.2..
"hich was regarded b) his oppos as e(luivalent to a
B.Se.
There \Iere onl) two "eeks before he paid ofT and
wellt back to U.K. for his lea\"e. The Messdeek table
was littered with papers and Holiday Guides, for Harr)
intemled to spend a holida)' abroad. MallY of the "nine
>ear men" were spending leave at 5t. Retllo. Home.
Venice and other places w!lich were well within their
income.
SuddenI) he saw it on page six of 'J\ggies Weeki)'.
Itsimpl)'said:-
;'CO,\1E TO i'\'IAHS
FOil THE HOLIDAYS OF YOLIl LIFE
IFor details write Box 66)
London W.C.3:'
If an) sane person had seen tbe caption ther would
have laughed and thought it a joke. But lIarry had
spent eighteen months in the Far East. and. as the reader
\\ill know, anybody who remains sane after eighteen
months is a ;Nuller'. Anyway. Harry "rotc away and
dul) received his instructions plus MJ. 440.000 in
Martian Travellers' Cheques.
Three weeks have passed and HarT} is wailing at a
bleak spot somewhere in England. IIis on I} baggage
is a small case containing 6.000 Woodbines and a bar of
'La Pusser's Soap'. l1arr) likes travelling light.
Suddenly a loud humming fills the air and out of
the over·cast sky glide.'! a large flying ;Sauccr. The
strange craft lands and. for the first time in Human
History, Man ann Martian meet face to face.
The Martian stands about five feet tall and is shaped
like a carrot witb h\o legs at the root and a large
smiling face.
The air is still as the 11\0 members of difTerent
\\orlds lIleet ill the most dramatic moment of History.
·'Wot kept )er. Carrot"? said Harr). "Yer ten
minutes adrift." "Greetings. Earthman l1arr):' said the
carrol. "M) name is Xpplph. sorry I'm late. I-lad a Lit
of trouble coming through the Friction Barrier~weath("r
cooler fell over. An)l\a). let's go Harr)." ~aid Xpplph.
·'O.K. lets move Veg," said lIarT} I,ho liked to be
informal.
The hatch closed behind the pair :Ind the saucer
flashed awa) from the Earth at seven lIlile~ a minute.
But Harr) alread) had his head down.
The saucer touched dOlln at SNXI 2-1. hours after
leal ing Earth. arid !larry staggered awa\ under the
increased gr,:!\'ity to his hotel to sleep. .
The next 20· "eeks pasl rapidl) for Harry. He
and his friend Veg I,ent fishing in the canals and
\ isited all the sights. Harr)' found no trouble breathing
the Martian atmosphere. After living down his Messneek
for eighteen months he could breath :lrl)thillg.
The highlight of tht' horida) carne \\hen our pair
went up to Phobo's-one of the two mOOIlS of Mars to
pb) Grrpl)·og Ithe Martian e(luivalent of Tomhobl.
The game \\as Lanned on Mars because of the high death
rate. The game was badly organised. But our hero
managed to "in M/- 4B09.60iJ on 1110 houses-that is
rough I) £982.000 British.
lIarry. true to the best traditions of sport. lashed the
,\tartialiS up to "Pickled Grob Weed Whisk) "-the
Martian hooch.
Whell lIarT} I,oke up he was being escorted through
the gates of H.N.B. b) three large Patrolmen. Fi\e
minutes later he was filing headlong into a dark cell
and left to himself.
Next morning he l\a5 dragged in front of the
COlllmalider of the Barracks charged 1\ ith being 20 days
adrift. drunk and lost Pa)book.
On his last ship. lIarf) would have been let ofT and
gin~n a quiet number. But Buracks I\as a difTerent
proposition.
When Harry explained about his holiday e\'erybody
was sympathetic. Lut firm. "Ninet) days and see a
psychiatrist." growled the Commander.
As l-IarT} turned 10 leale the table a loud humming
noise was heard and on the Parade Ground landed a
large Fly ing Saucer. Out before the .,:tunned eyes of
the beholders stepped Harry's friend Veg.
"Ere Arry" said Veg. "You forgot your P:I)book
and Crrply-og mone).·' \'\'ith a I,itness. Harf) \\as now
able to IHOle that he \,as not adrift at all. bu! still had
t"ehe Martian days le:ll'e Idt. Of cours{'. he was let
ofT II ith profu~e apologie~.
The la~t I\e heard of l1arr). he \Ias running the
Anglo-''1artian Tomboh COlllmillee at the J'liartian Space
Fleet Club.
By ROTTZ.
• Harry gains on his leave because one Martian week is
equal to twenty Four and a Half Earth dar.'!. (Editor's
Note).