August - Kansas City Sports & Fitness Magazine
August - Kansas City Sports & Fitness Magazine
August - Kansas City Sports & Fitness Magazine
You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles
YUMPU automatically turns print PDFs into web optimized ePapers that Google loves.
www.kcsportspaper.com KANSAS CITY SPORTS & FITNESS AUGUST 2011 7<br />
D<br />
Rivalries and their jokes help define college football<br />
id anyone actually think that the NFL’s<br />
billionaire owners would not settle<br />
with their millionaire players before<br />
the fans’ money spigot was shut off?<br />
The likelihood of that would be about the<br />
same as Mark Mangino pushing away from<br />
a buffet table. Greed rules the day again.<br />
Hey, I am of the belief that if the owners<br />
were disciplined enough they could have<br />
implemented a salary cap of $300,000.<br />
Where else would these guys make that<br />
much money? McDonald’s?<br />
<strong>Sports</strong> Illustrated recently did a cute<br />
chart showing what many of the NFL players<br />
did in this off-season. A few went on<br />
TV. Some got married.<br />
But which categories featured the most<br />
players? Those players who were arrested<br />
for drugs and those arrested for assault.<br />
Toss in those arrested for DUI (Hines Ward<br />
was on TV and picked up for DUI),<br />
weapons, disorderly conduct and bar fight<br />
and you pretty much have a snapshot of the<br />
quality of many of the individuals playing<br />
in the NFL today.<br />
To me, that’s why college football<br />
still reigns supreme. Despite the NCAA’s<br />
best efforts to try and ruin its top colleges<br />
and players, there is nothing like the start<br />
of the college football season to raise the<br />
fan excitement level to Warp 10 across<br />
the country.<br />
Sure a meaningful NFL game with<br />
playoff implications can generate excitement<br />
for one season, but in reality it is<br />
nothing like Auburn vs. Alabama, Ohio<br />
State-Michigan, Notre Dame-USC,<br />
Texas-Oklahoma, <strong>Kansas</strong>-Missouri,<br />
Oregon-Oregon State or any other long<br />
running college rivalry. Maybe many of the<br />
rivalries are even more special because<br />
many of those colleges do not have NFL<br />
teams nearby.<br />
Virtually every college at every level has<br />
at least one team circled on its schedule it<br />
truly despises. It is often a hatred that is<br />
passed down from generation to generation.<br />
A loss can depress its fans for months. A<br />
win means bragging rights for a year.<br />
But aside from the actual game rivalry,<br />
sometimes the<br />
jokes and putdowns<br />
surrounding<br />
the games makes it<br />
even better. Sure,<br />
the Alabama fan that<br />
poisoned trees at<br />
Auburn crossed a<br />
major line of idiocy,<br />
but jokes seem to add<br />
a unique flavor to any<br />
rivalry.<br />
As a born and bred<br />
Ohioan, the game<br />
against rival Michigan<br />
defines the season.<br />
Bumper stickers saying<br />
things like “I root for<br />
Ohio State and any team<br />
that beats Michigan” are<br />
plentiful - and honest.<br />
You can be sure similar bumper stickers<br />
with the teams reversed are plentiful<br />
in Michigan.<br />
In fact, a Buckeye friend sent me a video<br />
(YouTube: Pure Michigan: U of M People)<br />
that made me laugh so hard about the<br />
“Walmart Wolverines” I am still trying to<br />
get coffee out of my keyboard. I sent the<br />
video to a diehard Michigan friend who did<br />
not share my enthusiasm for it. His<br />
response is not printable, but I would<br />
expect nothing less than a guy who has a<br />
ceramic golfer in his front yard dressed in<br />
Michigan’s maize and blue.<br />
Once there were bumper stickers in the<br />
Lone Star State that read: “Texas - The<br />
University.” Not to be outdone, their<br />
Baptist neighbors in Waco retaliated with:<br />
“Baylor - Thee University.”<br />
Years ago while traveling through Texas<br />
I came across an entire book of “Aggie”<br />
jokes about the rivalry between Texas and<br />
Texas A & M. I was amazed. An entire<br />
book of putdowns of your rival! How cool<br />
is that?<br />
Here are some of my<br />
favorite jokes from the<br />
book. Keep in mind, the<br />
teams and rivalries can<br />
be changed accordingly<br />
- and will work just as<br />
well:<br />
Q: How many Aggies<br />
does it take to screw in<br />
a light bulb?<br />
A: One, but he gets<br />
three-hours credit.<br />
Q: How many Aggies<br />
does it take to tackle<br />
a running back?<br />
A: Good question, no<br />
one knows.<br />
Q: What is the difference<br />
between the Aggies and Rice Krispies?<br />
A: Rice Krispies know what to do in a bowl.<br />
Q: Why don’t Aggies eat barbecue beans?<br />
A: Because they keep falling through the holes<br />
in the grill.<br />
Q: Why is ice no longer<br />
available in the drinks at<br />
Aggie games?<br />
A: The senior that knew the<br />
recipe graduated.<br />
Q: Why can’t Aggie farmers<br />
raise chickens?<br />
A: They plant the eggs<br />
too deep.<br />
And...Did you hear that<br />
the A & M coach is only<br />
dressing 10 players for the next home game?<br />
The rest of the team will get dressed by<br />
themselves.<br />
Pro football players can count their<br />
money and whine about having to actually<br />
prepare for games. Please no two-a-day<br />
practices permitted. They can file their<br />
union grievances against anything management<br />
tries to do. Good for them.<br />
Just give me a good college game and the<br />
jokes surrounding it any time.<br />
John Landsberg of Bottom Line<br />
Communications can be reached at<br />
jlandsberg@bottomlinecom.com.<br />
On KCXL 1140 AM & 102.9 FM<br />
Monday thru Thursday 6:00-9:00 pm<br />
Friday and Sunday 6:00-10:00 pm<br />
Anatomy of Sport<br />
Steve Nash &<br />
Jim Krause<br />
Pettit Said It<br />
Rusty Pettit<br />
Pro Football Weekly<br />
Hub Arkush &<br />
Wayne Laravee<br />
Press Row Central<br />
Frank Sprankle &<br />
Nicholas Spiva<br />
<strong>Sports</strong> Extra<br />
Rusty Pettit &<br />
Steve Nash<br />
Good <strong>Sports</strong><br />
Steve Fisch<br />
Talking Baseball<br />
James Peuster<br />
John<br />
Landsberg<br />
Contributing<br />
Writer<br />
www.isbnteam.com<br />
info@isbnteam.com