Volvo Ocean Race in Singapore - Association of Dutch Businessmen

Business
Expat question: “I cannot unplug”
By Frank Kuijsters
A few weeks ago I received the following question from someone. I want to share her dilemma with you
because I think many others are confronted with the same:
I cannot unplug. I just feel too guilty when I go on vacation not to check my email every day and
call into the office at least every other day. I am the one who brought my family here to Singapore and
I do not want to risk having the office say she is slacking off — even if it is vacation — and certainly in
these times of economical downturn getting fired. Help!
It is the feeling of not being able to let go. Being
an expatriate with quite a few responsibilities
at work, you feel the pressure both at work and
of making sure your family is ok. This work-life
balance is currently a much-heated topic. Did I
tell you already that the person who wrote me
is a women? Probably not. What I see is that
women in senior positions often fulfil multiple
roles; they are the breadwinners, but at the same
time, I would say that women are more likely to
consider and stress over the implications of their
decisions for the rest of the family. Whether
living at home or in a new country, women tend
to take greater responsibility for the care of their
family, regardless of whether they work outside
the house or not, or how senior they are. I do not
know many women who can seem to let go of this
sense of responsibility, just because they hold
senior positions at work. Plus, women tend to be
the ones who notice and worry how people in the
family are getting along, how each family member
is feeling; who is excited about the new move
and who is angry, and who just wants to pack up
and go back home.
Try not to worry unnecessarily. I presume
getting fired after having been sent abroad is
unusual but at times like these everything is
possible. Expatriate relocations are a fairly
expensive undertaking and I am sure that the
employees are chosen by their company because
they believe in them and are confident that they
are capable doing the job.
Under normal circumstances, this does not
mean that it’s expected to be on call 24/7. That
would not be fair, and would eventually lead to
having a burnout. Maybe the emotional tolls of
the move, plus the work challenges have started
to eat into your confidence.
If I look around I see that expats are typically
dedicated, career-minded individuals and are
inclined to put in long hours. However, all work
and no play can cause breakdowns, and that’s not
what you want. Not for yourself, your work or for
your family. Being in touch all the time with the
company is not going to make you more effective,
you’ll be distracted while you are supposed to
recuperate and rest and thus you’ll not be rested
fully upon return from your vacation. Taking your
laptop along on your holiday, is it really necessary?
Can’t you hand over your work to your assistant
or co-worker before you go on leave, and inform
your superior? Of course you can let them know
how to reach you in case of emergency. Try the
next time to be more disciplined and leave your
laptop at home when you go away with your family,
but I think you still can take your Blackberry/PDA,
you can turn it off whenever you want, just like
your hand phone. Now reflecting on this all think
how you can set yourself parameters and only turn
your phone on during the timeslot you’ve set as
your goal. These days, it’s too easy to be a slave
of technology for what is often no good reason
at all... and family vacations would usually be
the best example of the ‘no good reason’ time
segment.
Probably it is wise to communicate with your
spouse about your feelings, your concerns and
what you are going through. Who knows, maybe
a good debrief and a good belly laugh with your
partner might be just the medicine your doctor
ordered, to release tension and start focusing 100%
on enjoying your holiday!
When you get back from your holiday, you
might want to think about finding a mentor in your
company – or elsewhere in your environment. Find
someone to talk about how your core values and
beliefs affect your adjustment to an international
move and discuss how best to tackle those issues.
Furthermore let your company understand your
circumstances, including the good and the notso-good
parts.
Believe in yourself, you can do it; in the past
you had to work effectively without being available
24/7. Think about it… is there anyone else in your
organisation that will actually be checking you
24/7? Not likely. They’re usually too busy taking
time out with their friends and families, just like
you should do.
Vol.19 • No. 1 • February 2009