MAR '11 - The Nyack Villager

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22 The Nyack Villager March, 2011 Mental Health Notes by Daniel Shaw, L.C.S.W The Control Paradox Humans start needing to have some measure of control fairly early in life— possibly from about the time we draw our first breath. It is ironic, then, that uniquely among all living creatures, we alone are aware of the inevitability of our eventual death, and completely without any control whatsoever over when that will happen. This may explain to some extent why control issues loom large in the human psyche. No matter how easy going we may want to imagine ourselves to be, control issues are inescapable. Our unexamined needs for control can paradoxically put us in prisons of our own making. Negotiations with significant others around issues of control and power can often be baffling, frustrating and exhausting. For example, pretty much every parent is familiar with the seemingly endless struggles one has with one's kids. Are the most successful parents the ones who exert the most control? We probably all know kids who grew up under extremely strict conditions, for whom things did not turn out so well—unlike the apparently perfect prodigies born to and raised by Amy Chua, the "Tiger Mother" who is all over the news these days. I certainly talk to quite a few people professionally for whom an authoritarian upbringing was not the way to get to Carnegie Hall, but rather contributed heavily to their addiction problems, impotence, divorce, alienation from family, depression and anxiety— and so on. In my work with people affected by authoritarian groups (sometimes such groups are thought of as cults, or as cult-like), I've talked to scores of people who joined such a group searching for freedom of one kind or another: from ego, from inhibition and fear, emptiness, meaninglessness, etc. Where they ended up instead was spending some of the best years or decades of their lives living like slaves, allowing a charismatic leader to dictate every move they made, everything they COMMUNITY NOTES start on page 16 only indoor winter farmers' market, brings locally grown and prepared foods to our community every Saturday from 9am to 1pm. Look for root vegetables, greenhouse greens, apples, cider, fish, meat, dairy, breads, cheeses, desserts and more. e market continues Saturdays thru June 4. NYACK TOASTMASTERS Nyack Toastmasters provides a fun, low-pressure environment where adults enhance their communication and presentation skills. Meetings are at Nyack Library, 59 South Broadway, Nyack, twice each month—in March on the 10th and 24th, at 7 to 8:30pm. Guests welcome. Info: visit www.NyackToastmasters.org or call (845) 358-1175. wore, ate, said and did. In all those years before they finally left their group, they thought they were on the road to liberation. Michael Wright's superb recent piece in e New Yorker about how the screenwriter Paul Haggis got into Scientology, what he put up with to stay in it, and why he finally left, is a great illustration of how one can allow oneself to be controlled by others—all the while deceiving oneself into believing that the subjugation and exploitation one accepts is all in the name of self-realization, freedom and making the world a better place. For many who are struggling to find the right intimate partner, control issues can be a stealth killer. One strong, highly accomplished woman I worked with whom I'll call Sonia easily attracted men who showed intense interest in her. These were men who seemed masterfully in control—of their careers, their wealth, their bodies and their sexual performance. Sonia would eventually become dismayed to discover that these men also expected to be able to control her. When she resisted the controlling behaviors, the man in question would quickly turn from seductive pursuit to belittling rejection. In spite of the repetitive disappointments she experienced with men of this type, she found herself turned off by and made herself unavailable to men who were less dominating. Catch-22. Like Sonia, we all have unconscious, complicated relational patterns that are impacting our way of managing our control needs, especially with our most significant others. If we believe that it is a basic human right to be free - and today, more and more people all over the world are beginning to assert that it is - then it behooves us to understand more about the need for control. There is a world of difference between control as a destructive, rigidifying tool for domination; and control, built on trust, compassion and respect, that creates stability, allows for flexibility, and encourages freedom. Daniel Shaw, LCSW, practices psychotherapy in Nyack and in NY City. He can be reached at (845) 548- 2561 in Nyack and in NY City at (212) 581-6658, shawdan@aol.com or www.danielshawlcsw.com ✫ VCS EVENTS IN MARCH • An Afternoon with Sundance —an all-volunteer organization devoted to noncompetitive outdoor activities for the LGBT community. At Nyack Library, 59 S. Broadway Nyack. Free Sun, March 6 at 3pm • vCS Coffee House Music, poetry and more. Donation $25pp via Pay Pal or at the door and that includes coupons for 3 refreshments. At RCC Student Union Building, Room 3214. Fri, March 25 from 7 to 10pm • Film Screening: “No Dumb Questions” A fresh perspective on transgender identity from a family that insists there are no dumb questions. At Nyack Library, 59 S. Broadway Nyack. Free Sun, March 27 at 3pm Community Notes continue at right
COMMUNITY NOTES start on page 16 AT THE FELLOWSHIP OF RECONCILIATION 521 N. Broadway, Nyack, NY. Info (845) 358-4601 ext 32 • First Sunday Concerts for Peace Featuring Mr. Juniper, Reggae Folk Rock: Kaylah Bell, Caylen Crawford, Liev Golowasch and Jasper Lilac Williams . Suggested Donation: $10. Sun, March 6 at 2pm • F.O.R. Celebrates the Berrigan Family Celtic Musician and others celebrate the Berrigan Family’s commitment to Peace. Suggested Donation: $10. Sat, March 26, at 7pm MULCH MADNESS Order your garden mulch by March 4 from Nyack Center and they will deliver March 18, 19, & 20. Call (845) 358-2600. VENDORS WANTED e Village of Nyack will sponsor African American Day 2011 on Saturday, May 14 (raindate May 21). e celebration starts at 2pm with a parade through the village to Memorial Park, where there will be vendors, entertainment music, a fashion show and food. Parade organizers are currently looking for marchers, vendors, and entertainment artists. Application deadline is April 1. Info: please call (845)480-0289. SAVE THE DATE e Garden Club of Nyack's Annual Plant Sale will be held on Sunday, May 22, between 10am and 2pm, at 507 North Broadway, Upper Nyack. Proceeds benefit the Garden Club's many community projects. WOMEN’S LUNCHEON e Christian Women's Club of Rockland County invites all ladies to its Tues March 8, luncheon from noon to 1:30pm. at the Casa Mia Manor House, 577 Rt. 303, Blauvelt, NY. Guest speaker, Regina Coleman, presents, My Story, Incorporated with Love, followed by a surprise feature. Cost is $16, which includes program and tax. Gratuity is not included. Reservations are mandatory and must be kept, canceled or used by a friend. Call (845) 947-3423. ASSOCIATION OF UNIVERSITY WOMEN e Rockland County Branch of AAUW presents the following programs: • Great Decisions—Public Policy Group Discussion, urs, March 3 at 7pm at the New City Library, 220 North Main Street, New City. Free and open to the public. • AAUW Rockland Readers' Book Club, urs, March 3, 1pm at Barnes & Noble, 140 Rockland Plaza, Nanuet. • AAUW Rockland Branch Book Group, Wed, March 16, 4pm at New City Library. • Branch Meeting of the Rockland AAUW will be Sun, March 13 at 1pm at New City Library. Info: e-mail aauwsam@optonline.net or call (845) 358-1680. ✫ houses of Worship in the River villages Phone or check website for service times & details Reformed Church of Nyack Corner South Broadway and Burd Street, Nyack NY (845) 358-5518 e-mail to frchurch@optonline.net Pastor Tom Danney Grace Episcopal Church 130 First Avenue, Nyack, NY 10960 The Rev. Richard L. Gressle, Rector The Rev. Emily Sieracki, Assistant to the Rector Info: www.gracechurchnyack.org or (845) 358-1297 Temple Beth Torah 330 North Highland Ave, Nyack NY; Rabbi Brian Beal; on the Internet at www.TempleBethTorah.org Info: 358-2248 Christ Church New St., PO Box 177, Sparkill. Rev. Thomas Faulkner, Vicar. (845) 359-2858 http://www.christchurch-sparkill.org Hollingsworth Memorial Church 187 Main Street. Nyack NY Dr. Eugene Jones, Pastor; (845) 348-0401 St.John the Baptist RC Church 895 Piermont Ave, Piermont NY. Info: 359-0078 Msgr. John T. Mulligan, pastor; www.stjohnspiermont.e-paluch.com Congregation Sons of Israel 300 N. Broadway, Upper Nyack NY 358-3767 Rabbi Joshua Z. Gruenberg St. Ann's Catholic Church 19 Jefferson Ave. Nyack, NY 10960 845-358-4707 www.stann-nyack.org Fr. Reese Doughty, Pastor. Palisades Presbyterian Church Washington Spring Road, Palisades, NY Church Office phone: 359-3147 www.palpresny.org Pastor: Reverend Angela Maddalone Piermont Reformed Church A center for spiritual development, cultural events, and service to the community: visit piermontchurch.org 361 Ferdon Ave., Piermont 845-359-4637 Rev. John VandenOever Unitarian Universalist Society of Rockland 130 Concklin Road, Pomona, NY 10970 (Exit 12N, PIP) Phone: (845) 354-1789 e-mail: administrator@fusrc.org website: www.fusrc.org Living Christ Church 151 South Broadway, South Nyack, NY 10960. (845) 358-3125 Email: info@lccnyack.org Web site: www.LivingChristNY.com Rev. Tim Pettit, Senior Pastor (ext 105) Marvin E. Nelson, Youth Pastor (ext 103) Rockland Center for Spiritual Living (Formerly First Interfaith Church of Rockland) Aubree Lynn, Spiritual Director; (845) 623-1515 Best Western Hotel, 26 Route 59. Nyack Please notify The Nyack Villager of any changes in your information or errors in ours. ✫ The Nyack Villager March, 2011 23
Page 1 and 2: TheNyack Villager ® An independent
Page 3 and 4: In this issue Departments 3 REPORTE
Page 5 and 6: An open community forum Letters to
Page 7 and 8: photo courtesy Rockland Center For
Page 9 and 10: Under exposed by Shel Haber Conside
Page 11 and 12: Amazing Grace Youth Circus • Circ
Page 13 and 14: Events start on page 10 Events in m
Page 15 and 16: Service credits when you knit scarv
Page 17 and 18: Food, Glorious Food by J.R. Tillots
Page 19 and 20: y Donna Cox Many buyers have been s
Page 21: the Nyack villager Founded in 1994,

MAR '11 - The Nyack Villager

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