here - The Deli

“Whether you’re a guitarist, bassist, drummer, or you play one
of the many less-crucial instruments, don’t be afraid to let your freak
flag flutter and flap during solos!”
musicianship, and that his addiction was to a slightly different
cocktail of hard drugs than the rest of Guns N Roses
were addicted to, and that this critical difference made it
impossible for the band to employ fewer than a dozen drug
dealers full-time, around the clock. The word came down
from management: Guns N Roses’ profile was taking on
a vile tarnish in the public eye – the band must limit the
number of full-time drug dealers on official payroll to eight.
At a moment like this, when the reputation and performance
of the band has been threatened, there is little choice: the
likeminded band members must crawl out from the opiate
swamp where they now dwell like hibernating alligators
and mutter or in some way signal that they’re fed up with
the offending member’s irresponsibility, wayward behavior,
and callous disregard for the organization’s wellbeing. The
lawyers take over from there, making sure that the cancerous
tumor is extirpated before further sullying occurs. This
last bit can become messy. A band like GNR has sufficient
financial clout to purchase a smooth exit: $2000 was wired
into Adler’s account. Later the same day he was kidnapped
by two ex-LAPD officers, then lobotomized by a bribed
prison doctor. Next he was set up with a job in the commissary
of an oil atoll 1,500 miles off the coast of Hawaii.
Adler has been selling Camels, Penthouse, and Reese’s
Peanut Butter Cups ever since. He has refused numerous
job applications from both Slash and Izzy Stradlin.
the deli_18 fall 2010