The Troubleshooters,' by Wang Shuo

46 CHINESE EDUCATION AND SOCIETY
YANG ZHONG: Shall we wait a few more minutes?
Yu GUAN: No. Why should we spoil them? Listen, there’s more than one way to
skin a cat. (Shouts to stagehands) Spotlight! Ready? (Turns to those standing
near by) We’ll have to use pumpkins and vegetables as replacements, okay? If
you don’t have anything to do, then go sit on the rostrum. Ma Qing, pass notes to
everyone. Quick!
MA QING, who is holding a pack of notes, gives a note to each person present,
h.IA QING: These are well-known sayings from famous people. Remember, when
the spotlight is on you, you’ll need to project your voice; it needs to be sonorous.
You need to project confidence as if what you’re saying is your own idea.
Yu GUAN: (In a serious tone) Don’t laugh! No one will know that you’re impersonating
a celebrity.
41 ON STAGE / INTERIOR /EVENING
The fashion show has just come to an end. Afer ajlurry of drumbeats, the
theater is darkened The spotlight is turned onto h.IA QING who had been furtively
showing off in the dark. A famous but seldomly seen author’s name is
announced over the PA system. h.IA QING’S face is a blank: he stares at the
ceiling, resigned to his fate.
hlA QING: I was dead when I was born!
The audience erupts in a wild frenzy of enthusiastic applause as the profound
remark filters into each person. Men’s and women’s faces are shown with broad
smiles, and as the camera pans over the group, the lenses of their glasses
sparkle.
The spotlight is extinguished. Another burst of drumbeats and another famous,
but seldomly seen poet’s name is announced. LIN PEI is pushed onto the
stage where she is illuminated by the spotlight.
LIN PEI: (Her voice trembling) Fresh flowers are blooming on the prairie, while
that which the cattle found to eat here is nothing but forage.
Thunderous applause is heard. Lights are illuminated and extinguished, drums
are heard and silenced
All the so-called literati follow the same pattern as the first two, then bow or