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Cutting Scenes - The Fine Line

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THE FINE LINE<br />

ISSUE 3<br />

thefineline00.wordpress.com<br />

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Cover Art<br />

“Fixed” by Francis Raven<br />

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Editors<br />

Cyndi Gacosta<br />

Bradley Tomy<br />

Danna Berger<br />

To Submit to <strong>The</strong> <strong>Fine</strong> <strong>Line</strong> please visit the website:<br />

thefineline00.wordpress.com<br />

All rights remain with the author.<br />

September 2011<br />

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“As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found<br />

himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.”<br />

Franz Kafka<br />

<strong>The</strong> Metamorphosis<br />

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Table of Contents<br />

Art<br />

Fixed by Francis Raven<br />

Cover Art<br />

Timeshift by Dorothee Lang 11<br />

Sunny Snow by William Hicks 20<br />

<strong>The</strong> Turning Point by Caroline Krieger Comings 23<br />

Weathering the Storm by Carolyn Coe 28<br />

At the Turning Point by Amy Tolbert 33<br />

Filigree Gold 3 by William Watkins 50<br />

Untitled 1 by Ruben Monakhov 64<br />

Dancing Grid by Francis Raven 71<br />

Breaking Skin by Eleanor Leonne Bennett 73<br />

Transformation by Francis Raven 87<br />

Untitled 2 by Ruben Monakhov 89<br />

Landscape 12-22-10 by William Hicks 96<br />

Untitled 3 by Ruben Monakhov 99<br />

Fiction<br />

<strong>The</strong> River Jordan by D. Krauss 13<br />

Casualty of a Parking Lot Injustice by Lynn Kennison 24<br />

Parental Discretion Advised by Karen Beatty 34<br />

Rosewater by Brian Alan Ellis 41<br />

<strong>The</strong> Sermon of Vegetarianism by Ilya Prints 51<br />

<strong>The</strong> Ants by Keith G. Laufenberg 54<br />

Doggone It!! by Wayne Andrewartha 65<br />

<strong>The</strong> Rite Steps to Manhood by Ciara Harris 74<br />

<strong>The</strong> Nanny by Rita Buckley 75<br />

Back to Zero by A. Frank Bower 91<br />

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Poetry<br />

<strong>Cutting</strong> <strong>Scenes</strong> by Michael Young 10<br />

Treebone by Raj Sharma 12<br />

End of Girlhood by Annemarie Ni Churreain 21<br />

Segue from Age to Age by Barbara Westwood Diehl 22<br />

In Her Thirteenth Year by Karen Douglass 29<br />

Even Now by Susan V. Meyers 30<br />

How Womanhood Began by Annemarie Ni Churreain 32<br />

Innovative Love by Gary Beck 48<br />

Metamorphosis by Susan V. Meyers 49<br />

Cocooned in Sheets by Duane Jackson 53<br />

Lunatic Speaks by Caroline Hagood 72<br />

<strong>The</strong> English Teacher Retires by Richard Glowacki 88<br />

On the Last Train by Gary Glauber 90<br />

House by Annemarie Ni Churreain 97<br />

Conversion to Digital,<br />

A Consolation for the Aging by Barbara Westwood Diehl 98<br />

Notes on the Contributors 100<br />

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<strong>Cutting</strong> <strong>Scenes</strong><br />

Michael Young<br />

It started in the elevator, the smell almost a stink<br />

of artificial strawberry bubble gum, followed by<br />

memories of chewing a block of Bubblicious sugar,<br />

walking my first time alone to see a movie in 1977,<br />

the self importance and authority I felt, skipping along<br />

like a film that suddenly jumped ahead to a few days ago<br />

when the smell of orange sweetened my hands<br />

after peeling the rind, and all of these episodes<br />

spliced together into one step through a revolving door<br />

entering the gray air under the scaffolding outside:<br />

wood blocks nailed into cement, posts, crossbeams,<br />

platforms — the whole patchwork structure of preservation,<br />

the massive effort to endure the change of scene<br />

and seasons, to keep the history intact of a building<br />

labeled in the tour guides as such for its antique architecture<br />

and this, even as each character interrupts himself<br />

where the page goes blank, and he feels the gear<br />

slip out of alignment and knows he couldn’t stop<br />

the machine now if he wanted to, like that moment<br />

in a New York cab years ago, speeding through<br />

Village streets, reciting a poem I knew like a litany<br />

for ten years, an invocation of familiar comforts<br />

when, without reason, the words were gone,<br />

as if the files had been stolen and the drawers<br />

of an empty cabinet banged open and closed<br />

while the violent lurch of the cab rocked me.<br />

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Dorothee Lang<br />

Time Shift<br />

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Treebone<br />

Raj Sharma<br />

<strong>The</strong> frail leaf<br />

Withers<br />

But the battered<br />

Treebone<br />

Fights frosts,<br />

Unyielding<br />

And skies<br />

Stern,<br />

To wear<br />

Green again.<br />

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<strong>The</strong> River Jordan<br />

D. Krauss<br />

It was $50,000, about a year's salary. Carl didn't know<br />

about it until three days after his wife dropped dead in the<br />

kitchen. "You have a rider on your insurance policy," the agent<br />

said.<br />

"What?" Carl was sitting on the couch, lost.<br />

"A rider. Most people have them. You'll receive a check."<br />

He did and left it uncashed for another three days. "An<br />

aneurysm," the doctor in the emergency room, pale and worldbeaten<br />

with an expression of distance, had said.<br />

"What?" Carl had been sitting on a gurney, lost.<br />

"It was instantaneous." That was true. She had turned to<br />

him laughing, suddenly stopped laughing, looked a bit stricken,<br />

then fell to the floor.<br />

"An aneurysm? But, only angry people get those. That's what<br />

I should die of."<br />

<strong>The</strong> doctor shrugged and looked annoyed. "Anyone can get<br />

them. Things wear out," and he walked away.<br />

Carl knew, right then, it was his fault.<br />

"It's not your fault," his son said, draping a big,<br />

carpentry-formed arm about Carl's shoulders. His daughter, half<br />

the look of his wife, especially in the hidden grief of her<br />

eyes, nodded and added an arm and they both mouthed this over<br />

and over while the grandkids made every effort to remain solemn<br />

but the imperatives of youth overwhelmed. It was a closed casket<br />

because Carl and his wife thought a viewing barbaric. <strong>The</strong> grands<br />

should remember her properly, homemade cookies and backyard<br />

snowball fights, not as a waxed and rouged face, nightmare,<br />

lying empty on a satin pillow.<br />

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He remained silent, did not correct his children, but they<br />

were wrong. <strong>The</strong> thinning artery was his work. He had forced on<br />

her pressures she could not bear. He had placed the loaded<br />

pistol against her head and took thirty-seven years to pull the<br />

trigger.<br />

He didn't mean to. Carl simply didn't realize how things<br />

accumulate. She was of a generation and culture that took as its<br />

theme "Stand by Your Man," and would never do the grand and<br />

dramatic gesture necessary to wake him up. Maybe if she had<br />

walked when he threw a beer bottle across the sunroom because<br />

the warehouse had delivered the wrong ceramic for the upgrade,<br />

or when he punched a wall because the county inspector wanted a<br />

little too much money in the envelope this time, maybe then. But<br />

she didn't. She cleaned up the broken glass and drywall, spent<br />

time soothing him, kept the kids at bay.<br />

All of that wore. Each time, it shaved a bit of tissue out<br />

of a critical artery.<br />

He found the check tossed among the mail, more bills than<br />

cards, this time. He'd wanted to pay the bills earlier because<br />

life demands attention, no matter what's going on, but the cards<br />

distracted. <strong>The</strong>y were all deep felt sympathies addressed to him.<br />

Error. Should have been addressed to her.<br />

Carl was thinking of error when he uncovered the check. He<br />

had not forgotten it; you don't forget about such a sum. He'd<br />

been afraid of it but couldn't say why, not having a command of<br />

words or description like she did. It had something to do with<br />

his soul, for lack of a better word, with what a man ultimately<br />

was.<br />

He studied it. A year off doing nothing, that's what it<br />

represented. He could sit quietly in the kitchen for that year<br />

and stare at her absence, hoping some direction, some assurance<br />

would form there. It would not; that chance had passed. Improve<br />

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the business, then, or buy a car for his son and daughter, take<br />

a trip, all possibilities. But that would end and he would sink<br />

back to his distant, disapproving self, still with the ability<br />

to shave arteries.<br />

No.<br />

He would not profit from long-term murder. He would not<br />

have blood money. Carl squeezed his eyes shut and groped for his<br />

soul, lost somewhere in the hard shell. It evaded his grasp.<br />

He almost sent the check to the Red Cross, where she had<br />

volunteered for most of those thirty-seven years, but stayed the<br />

pen. It would be dismissal, a single act throwing her and her<br />

shredded artery away. Insufficient. <strong>The</strong> artery needed repair.<br />

He sent it to the equity loan and paid the remaining<br />

$3472.16 a week later with the two invoices that came in from<br />

the Court House job. That was a good start. <strong>The</strong> equity loan had<br />

worried her. She would say to him, "Carl, is there any way we<br />

can send them a little extra?" Debt frightened her. She'd spent<br />

her childhood thrown out of one perfectly good house after<br />

another because of her Dad's gambling. Carl's Master<br />

Certificates for Interior Remodeling, Plumbing, and Electricity<br />

ensured she would never, ever be thrown out of another house in<br />

her life, especially because he was a sober, unimaginative man<br />

for whom gambling, or theater or dancing, were frivolities. She<br />

loved that, though. <strong>The</strong> safety.<br />

But safety is a relative term, and a high price to pay for<br />

things lost, and she never really felt safe, actually, because<br />

he didn't have her concerns. His Dad was a tile setter, too, and<br />

Carl grew up convinced debt was an instrument of business, a<br />

base for doing more. "<strong>The</strong>re's a new KD wet saw out," he<br />

announced and $3000 went against the house. "That new Dodge<br />

truck has more torque and can tow a bigger trailer," and there<br />

was $38,000, just after the equity had been paid down to about<br />

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10 or so. She did not add to it, only he did. She spoke of<br />

things she wanted, new furniture, new carpets, a new kitchen,<br />

after the debt was made manageable, say around the 5,000 mark.<br />

It never got to that mark. She never got what she wanted.<br />

She never got the house she wanted, either. <strong>The</strong>y lived in<br />

his inherited three-bedroom 1 ½ bath on a half lot, three<br />

streets back from the railroad and four streets away from the<br />

storefront. Convenient for him, and remodeling of the rooms and<br />

the baths and the adding of a garage he thought sufficient<br />

upgrades. <strong>The</strong> kids went to adequate schools and had adequate<br />

friends to prepare them for another generation of the business<br />

and the town. But she spoke of Victorian farmhouses in mountain<br />

settings, two or three stories with five to ten acres, fences,<br />

woods and rivers. She knew the burdens of maintaining such a<br />

property, accepted his common sense arguments about isolation<br />

and distance from customers and stores and familiar schools and<br />

teachers. Still, she looked at pictures. He did not understand,<br />

until shortly before paying the equity, that there was<br />

permanence in land and Victorian farmhouses, an assurance she<br />

craved.<br />

Carl stood in the twilight at the end of the driveway and<br />

looked at the house, no longer an instrument of debt, but a<br />

standing accusation. He had arranged their lives inclusive for<br />

him, exclusive of her. He had flanked her possibilities, put his<br />

son on a narrow road, loped off his daughter's hopes. He groped,<br />

again, for his soul, thinking the equity payoff would surface<br />

it, but there was too much mud. More dredging required.<br />

"What are you doing?" his son asked, horrified, when Carl<br />

put up the For Sale sign.<br />

"I can't afford to live here anymore," he said.<br />

"What? What are you talking about?" Alarm, his alarm, Carl<br />

knew, taught to his son over the past 28 years whenever<br />

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something different emerged. "We're more than flush!" He should<br />

know. He did the books.<br />

"Still." It was all Carl could say. He could not explain<br />

what he meant by 'afford.'<br />

"But, Dad!" <strong>The</strong>re, Carl's own exasperated arm waving. He'd<br />

last used it when she had talked about buying an RV and touring<br />

the country. Each flail was a reach inside and a scraping at<br />

that artery. "You own this house outright!"<br />

Carl said nothing, just hammered the sign in a bit more,<br />

leveled it. "This is about Mom, isn't it?" his son had said and<br />

then said a lot more, the gist all those Hallmark cards about<br />

sympathy and moving on and Better Places. Carl said nothing.<br />

He got $425,000 for the house, cleared 417,328.35. Simply<br />

astonishing. Simply a matter of markets. <strong>The</strong> city, 50 miles away<br />

and prohibitively expensive, drove its poorer workers into<br />

Carl's neighborhood. <strong>The</strong>y considered Carl's house a bargain. He<br />

considered them insane.<br />

"Here," he stood on his son's porch and gave him the<br />

cashier's check for $200,000. He also gave him power of<br />

attorney, the business title and the various registrations.<br />

"Sell the shop. Take what's yours. Share the rest with your<br />

sister," he said.<br />

"What are you doing?" his son was shocked. His daughter-inlaw<br />

was behind in the kitchen, kneeling down, holding a<br />

grandson, looking afraid. Don't be, he thought to her.<br />

"You wanted to go to school and be an architect."<br />

"Dad…"<br />

"Go," and he turned and got in the truck, which now pulled<br />

a used 18 foot Airstream, courtesy of what was left in the<br />

savings and checking accounts.<br />

He knocked on his daughter's apartment door. "Dad!" she was<br />

close to crying when she opened it, "Bobby just called me…"<br />

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"Here." $217,328.35.<br />

"Dad!" she did cry now, his baby, his little girl, as<br />

fragile and thin of artery, if not more so, than his wife. "What<br />

are you doing?"<br />

"Send your kids to that academy. Give them a chance." He<br />

went to the truck.<br />

"Where are you going, Dad?" she managed, through the tears,<br />

to call after him.<br />

He paused. "I don't know exactly." She was framed at the<br />

top of the landing and from her, and from her brother, he felt<br />

cessation. <strong>The</strong>ir thinning was over. If it started again, it was<br />

on them. He groped, testing, but still encountered layers of<br />

mud. "I'll call you," and he drove away.<br />

He didn't go that far, only four hundred or so miles. He<br />

looked over as he crossed the Ohio River from Williamstown,<br />

changed his mind about continuing up 77, and turned off into<br />

Marietta. He got some directions and settled the Airstream in<br />

the dark next to the Muskingum River, about 15 miles north on<br />

60. He slept well.<br />

<strong>The</strong> next morning he drove back to Marietta and walked<br />

around. Nice, a row of Victorian mansions on the street<br />

overlooking the Ohio, an Indian mound at the top of the hill<br />

with a Revolutionary War cemetery around it. <strong>The</strong> headstones<br />

named soldiers who had come here for land and homes. <strong>The</strong>ir<br />

wives' stones often showed a death a few years after the<br />

husbands'. That was unusual for the time. It spoke of good men,<br />

who did not thin arteries.<br />

<strong>The</strong> Ohio decided it. He walked to the banks, the bluffs of<br />

West Virginia towering on the opposite side. <strong>The</strong> water was brown<br />

and a Coast Guard tug floated slowly by, a thin sheen of oil<br />

trailing behind. But the water was fast and carried all of its<br />

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impurities away. Carl put both hands in it and let the water<br />

carry his impurities away.<br />

He worked out $300 a month with the camp site, even though<br />

the owner thought him crazy for wanting to spend an Ohio winter<br />

in an aluminum tin can. He took a job as an assistant setter,<br />

even though the owner thought he was crazy for not<br />

subcontracting. It was all he needed and he remained silent<br />

during the jobs, remained steady. <strong>The</strong> jokes and insults finally<br />

stopped. He called his daughter and his son.<br />

And every day, after work, even in the winter, he went to<br />

the Ohio and washed his hands.<br />

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William Hicks<br />

Sunny Snow<br />

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End of Girlhood<br />

Annemarie Ni Churreain<br />

<strong>The</strong> first time<br />

a tree called me by name,<br />

I was thirteen and only spoke a weave of ordinary tongues.<br />

It started with a leaf and next,<br />

a mist came down from the hills, beating a lone skin drum,<br />

looking for me.<br />

Scarlet pimpernels dropped hints<br />

that could not be ignored:<br />

no red is innocent.<br />

Badger trails called me aside for a word.<br />

Come underground, they said,<br />

see what we are made of.<br />

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Segue from Age to Age<br />

Barbara Westwood Diehl<br />

<strong>The</strong> people here are happy now.<br />

<strong>The</strong>y have forgotten their fires.<br />

<strong>The</strong>y have forgotten what smoldered.<br />

Any embers have been tamped down.<br />

<strong>The</strong> smell of charcoal doesn’t conjure smoke.<br />

What the fires consumed has no more weight than ash.<br />

<strong>The</strong> smell of campfire on a jacket brings back songs.<br />

Humming a bar doesn’t fill them with longing.<br />

<strong>The</strong> old intoxications don’t even make them giddy.<br />

A whiff of marijuana brings a sweet déjà vu.<br />

A gin and tonic on the breath makes them fizzy.<br />

<strong>The</strong>y have forgotten the sharp pins of morning after.<br />

Tobacco on the fingers is sophistication.<br />

It is the happily acrid cocktail hour.<br />

<strong>The</strong> children are nestled all snug in their beds.<br />

<strong>The</strong> guests who stayed too long have left.<br />

<strong>The</strong> burns on the maple table have been buffed.<br />

<strong>The</strong> yellow stain on the blouse has been bleached.<br />

<strong>The</strong> smell of chlorine reminds them of ironing boards.<br />

<strong>The</strong>y forget the lonely pull-chain light in the laundry room.<br />

<strong>The</strong>y forget the vacant business suit.<br />

<strong>The</strong>y recall the bathing suit with polka dots.<br />

<strong>The</strong>y have forgotten not knowing how to float.<br />

<strong>The</strong>y have forgotten the undertow.<br />

Oceans smell of thighs, or only oceans.<br />

<strong>The</strong> tide leaves the scent of a Coppertone girl.<br />

<strong>The</strong> children leave the scent of Popsicle in their wake.<br />

Anything bitter has been sweetened.<br />

A whiff of furniture polish comforts.<br />

It doesn’t recall the cobweb corners of rooms.<br />

What was slipcovered over remains that way.<br />

<strong>The</strong> oven is closed over the scorches inside.<br />

<strong>The</strong> dish soap bubbles make everything lemony.<br />

Once, children sold lemonade on the lawns.<br />

Once, children blew bubbles through plastic wands.<br />

<strong>The</strong> Wonder Bread was wonderful.<br />

<strong>The</strong> smell of yeast is the bread of memory.<br />

<strong>The</strong> people here remember, and they’re happy.<br />

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Caroline Krieger Comings<br />

<strong>The</strong> Turning Point<br />

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Casualty of a Parking Lot Injustice<br />

Lynn Kennison<br />

I circled the shopping mall five times before finding an<br />

open spot close enough to the mall entrance, I wouldn’t need an<br />

umbrella for the impending storm. I waited patiently as a mother<br />

of two small boys stuffed her shopping bags into the trunk of<br />

her car and then struggled to get her rambunctious little ones<br />

strapped in. Being a mother and having raised two boys close in<br />

age myself, I could empathize. <strong>The</strong> pressure of knowing someone<br />

is watching while you pretend that you have complete and utter<br />

control of the situation can be somewhat nerve-racking. My boys<br />

loved an audience, and it seems her two, undoubtedly, posses the<br />

same wild gene. While she was coaxing her two young ones into<br />

submission, I noticed a teenaged boy walking through the parked<br />

cars as he chatted away on his cell phone with his hoody was<br />

pulled tightly over his head— I guess anticipating the coming<br />

rain as well.<br />

Once they were in, the mother looked back and gave an<br />

apologetic waive. I smiled and gave her an understanding nod.<br />

She started her car and proceeded to back out as expected. What<br />

I hadn’t expected, was the obstacle suddenly standing in the<br />

parking spot. <strong>The</strong> teenaged boy, wearing the hoody and mobile<br />

device stuck to his ear, blocked my immediate entrance. At first<br />

I was confused, but then my thoughts suddenly became crowded<br />

with obscenities when I realized this boy was presumably holding<br />

my parking spot for someone. Sure enough, a moment later, an<br />

obnoxious humming noise caught my attention as the source zoomed<br />

up the lane behind me. Appearing in my rearview mirror was a<br />

bright neon green and purple car. It looked more like an absurd<br />

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trapper keeper or Easter egg than a mode of transportation as it<br />

sat idling like a sickly little bee behind me.<br />

Surely this boy knew that I had been waiting for this spot.<br />

I rolled down my window to kindly let the young man know—just<br />

incase he was genuinely oblivious to his surroundings. His dark<br />

hoody and chrome tinted sunglasses concealed his facial<br />

expression, but he told me in not so many words—just two in<br />

fact—to get lost. <strong>The</strong> only way I was getting that spot was to<br />

put my car on top of him. Feeling it wasn’t worth it, I moved on<br />

to find another.<br />

I gave up trying to find a spot near the mall entrance, and<br />

then gave up trying to find one near the closest department<br />

store entrance before heading next-door to the movie theatre<br />

lot. Finally, I found one between a curb and a huge pickup with<br />

scary looking tires. <strong>The</strong> owner of the truck must have not<br />

realized that his vehicle was a bit too large to fit exactly<br />

between the lines, and I was forced to exit my car through the<br />

passenger-side door. Once I managed to squeeze out, I maneuvered<br />

carefully between my car and the boxwood bushes adorning the<br />

curb, but one of the branches reached out and snagged me. As I<br />

tried to free my sweater, one of my buttons became a casualty—<br />

popping off and rolling up under my car. I took a deep breath to<br />

calm my nerves and got down on my knees to peek under and look<br />

for it. After all, it wasn’t just any button; it was an antique<br />

button I found in my grandmother’s sewing room about ten years<br />

ago. She had two of them and gave me both. I put them on a<br />

sweater and have always received nice complements when wearing<br />

them. I reached under as I spied my button lying close to the<br />

back tire. I felt around blindly in the spot next to my tire and<br />

pulled it out. As I rose to my feet dusting myself off, I opened<br />

my hand to blow the dirt off of my button; but when I opened my<br />

hand, lying in my palm wasn’t my button, it was a tossed out<br />

- 25 -


piece of hard candy with all kinds of nasty things stuck to it.<br />

I immediately tried to throw it down, but I had such a firm<br />

grasp on it when I first retrieved it, that it was now<br />

determined not to part from me. Slinging my hand around like a<br />

lunatic wasn’t working, so I desperately began rubbing my hand<br />

over the bushes, for which worked on freeing my hand, but I also<br />

gained a nice splinter doing so. Holding in my frustration, I<br />

began walking towards the mall. Sorry Grams, the fucking button<br />

is staying put.<br />

Besides losing a button, gaining a splinter, and feeling<br />

the beginnings of blister on my left heel from the long hike,<br />

everything was going good until the rain, led by thunder and<br />

followed by lightning, began to fall. I was too far gone from my<br />

car to turn back, so I made a mad dash for the mall. As I ran<br />

passed the trapper keeper car, I gave it the middle finger. No<br />

one was inside of it, but I did feel somewhat better doing so.<br />

I made it inside just short of taking a shower in my<br />

clothes, so my first stop was the ladies room. I hunched up<br />

under the hand dryer to get as dry as I possibly could. Several<br />

women ended up leaving without drying their hands as I clung to<br />

the dryer with my teeth chattering uncontrollably. My hair and<br />

makeup were unsavable, but I managed to tame the running mascara<br />

and tone down the overdone Goth appearance before exiting and<br />

searching for the nearest coffee stand.<br />

As I walked through the mall sipping my coffee, I spotted<br />

the little shit that had stolen my parking spot earlier. It<br />

wasn’t too hard; he was still wearing his obnoxious sunglasses<br />

indoors while he read the back of a video game cover. I entered<br />

the video game store and eased over. I wondered could I get away<br />

with spilling my coffee on him. I could just bump into him and<br />

pretend it was an innocent accident. As I looked around to see<br />

if there were any cameras to witness probably the worst offence<br />

- 26 -


I have ever committed, I heard him telling his friend to check<br />

out the cute blonde in the pink sweater across the way in the<br />

food court. Having a closer look, I realized that he wasn’t a<br />

teenager at all—he just dressed like one. I gained the courage<br />

to approach him, but as he turned around, I soon lost it. I was<br />

surprised to learn that he recognized me from the parking lot,<br />

and as he made a joke to his friend, I fought the urge to<br />

literally hurl my coffee at him. Instead, I smiled and I thanked<br />

him for taking that parking spot from me. As he looked at me<br />

curiously, I explained that while I was on my way in, I<br />

witnessed someone smack into his car crushing that lovely tea<br />

tray attached to the top of his trunk; they didn’t even leave a<br />

note! “<strong>The</strong> nerve of some people,” I told him. He was so upset,<br />

he ran out of the store with unpaid merchandise still in his<br />

clutch. <strong>The</strong> sight of him being tackled by security in the food<br />

court, next to the girl in the pink sweater, was worth the hike.<br />

- 27 -


Carolyn Coe<br />

Weathering the Storm<br />

- 28 -


In Her Thirteenth Year<br />

Karen Douglass<br />

She never mastered pin curls, but she bled<br />

and borrowed lipstick at school, got caught,<br />

outgrew her training bra, imagined<br />

that she was scullery maid to a mad queen,<br />

At thirteen, she shouted four younger<br />

brothers and sisters up to bed while<br />

her stepmother went next door<br />

to smoke and play cards. Our girl<br />

studied starch and steam ironed<br />

her father’s white shirts—woman’s work.<br />

Friday night she swept, scrubbed<br />

with pail and rag, waxed white linoleum.<br />

<strong>The</strong> next Friday and the next Friday<br />

she found no frog with great potential, only<br />

spilled red sauce and the smell of floor wax.<br />

Upstairs those giggling kids refused to sleep.<br />

She dreamed away her free hours in a field<br />

of gladioli, brazen as forbidden girlfriends<br />

with laughter and makeup on their faces,<br />

trailed her fingers through the silky mouths<br />

of open milkweed pods. Kissed her pillow.<br />

But the wax was real. <strong>The</strong>re was always<br />

that linoleum. Had she dared, she would<br />

have danced naked on the ceiling.<br />

- 29 -


Even Now<br />

Susan V. Meyers<br />

more than a decade later,<br />

she still loves to tease sea anemones shut<br />

with her shoe. She likes their<br />

surprise, that startled gasp<br />

of closure, as brightly-colored fronds<br />

dissapear like sound.<br />

"You never know what<br />

you're going to do," she says, looking down<br />

at the tightly shut stub of sea life,<br />

its purple arms swallowed up<br />

in security. "That's the scary part."<br />

She means the divorce.<br />

She means leaving my father to live<br />

with a woman.<br />

And I'm still trying to remember<br />

just how many years ago I stood here<br />

with both parents, my small feet teetering<br />

and slipping between the rocks. I'd wanted<br />

to take everything home with me--crabs and<br />

limp beach grass, sea urchins, gulls--<br />

but my parents had pointed to the sign,<br />

which is still here: Do not remove living sea life<br />

from the tidepools.<br />

"You can have sand dollars," they'd said.<br />

"Or beach grass, or broken barnacles."<br />

Dead things only, weathered and used,<br />

but still precious somehow<br />

in their casual decay.<br />

"When we were here before," I say,<br />

"I found a dead starfish out here in these rocks,"<br />

remembering its stiff salute, its curiously<br />

vibrant death-glow: miraculous and orange.<br />

- 30 -


"Oh?" she answers, distracted<br />

by the anemone still cautious<br />

and closed at her feet. I nod,<br />

feeling even now its shape, its<br />

weight over-big in my hand, and that strange<br />

leathery surface after it had dried<br />

where I'd left it on the back steps<br />

of our beach house.<br />

My mother motions toward her shoes,<br />

and I watch with her as the purple-armed anemone<br />

begins to reopen, still timid<br />

in her shadow. "You just never know."<br />

I nod again, feeling more definite<br />

about this statement than anything else--<br />

and think back to my childhood anxiety years ago,<br />

how I visited those back steps<br />

every hour to examine the starfish,<br />

to make sure that it hadn't moved, that it was still<br />

dead. Because I had to know, I had to be certain<br />

not to take anything living<br />

from the sea.<br />

- 31 -


How Womanhood Begins<br />

Annemarie Ni Churreain<br />

Occult, rose-headed,<br />

my first blood came in the last month<br />

of summer.<br />

Inexplicably mine, a love-ink<br />

letter delivered<br />

finally,<br />

I too had something<br />

to conceal.<br />

- 32 -


Amy Tolbert<br />

At the Turning Point<br />

- 33 -


Parental Discretion Advised<br />

Karen Beatty<br />

Have you any idea what it’s like to catch your elderly<br />

father tongue-kissing a woman fourteen years his junior in an<br />

obscure corner of the local McDonald’s? Let’s just say it<br />

induces a mental state somewhere between primal horror and black<br />

comedy.<br />

<strong>The</strong> scene was set for this psychic out-take about two<br />

months ago when I got a letter from my widowed Dad. Ever since<br />

Mom died almost two years ago he had been living alone in the<br />

small New Jersey home I grew up in, about five hours from my<br />

current home in Boston. Several months ago Dad wrote that he had<br />

met Cynthia, a most wonderful woman—a widow—who was rejuvenating<br />

his life. At first, I was thrilled: maybe this relationship<br />

would alleviate the guilt I suffer from rarely visiting him and<br />

from not extending an invitation for Dad to live with me. Not<br />

that he had asked; after all, I’m a 54-year-old divorcee,<br />

children grown and dispersed, and not that far from retirement<br />

myself. Neither my father nor I had entertained the notion of<br />

combining households.<br />

Still, I knew that one day in the near future I would have<br />

to make some kind of “arrangement” for him. I sighed in<br />

capitulation to the inevitable. Both Dad and I are destined to<br />

contend with the disabilities of aging on the limited resources<br />

of making do with Medicare. I’m one of those baby boomers who<br />

free-wheeled employment for decades to avoid selling out to the<br />

establishment and planned to live off love, peace and rock ‘n’<br />

roll in the extended youth of old age. But my father had<br />

- 34 -


certainly done the so-called responsible thing. He was an<br />

educational administrator—had worked hard for his pension and<br />

counted on Social Security to tide him over during the “golden<br />

years”. What he had not counted on in all his careful planning<br />

was inflation and the high cost of minimally covered healthrelated<br />

expenses. Back in his day you bought a house on property<br />

that would accrue in value, so that you could turn it over in<br />

latter life for more inexpensive digs and a financial cushion.<br />

Sure, Dad could sell the family house now, but then where would<br />

he live? Certainly not with me, and there really are few<br />

affordable alternatives for aging adults of modest means.<br />

I understood all this, yet was unable to tolerate poor old<br />

Dad’s going for the love in his twilight years. This Cynthia, I<br />

calculated, is only thirteen years older than me: what could she<br />

possibly want from my 81-year-old father? Probably, I surmised,<br />

the house and what’s left of the funds my parents had set aside<br />

to sustain themselves in their old age.<br />

I telephoned my father right after I got a second letter<br />

announcing that he had invited Cynthia to move in with him. At<br />

the time, I was vaguely uneasy, but tried to be supportive. In a<br />

subsequent letter, however, when he mentioned the possibly of<br />

getting married, I quickly made plans to visit and throw<br />

interference. Dad described Cynthia as “charming, energetic, and<br />

well-spoken”. Of course (I shrewdly concluded), just the<br />

qualities required of a grifter to hustle an old man. You read<br />

about it in the papers all the time: there’s always a son or<br />

lover skulking in the shadows, coaching the shill and waiting to<br />

swoop down on the elderly person’s possessions and bank account.<br />

My father, no doubt, was one of numerous geriatric victims<br />

ensnared in this evil scheme. Thinking about it now, there was<br />

also the Bingo connection, further evidence of Cynthia’s moral<br />

lapses. Dad had reported that he met Cynthia at the weekly Bingo<br />

- 35 -


ounds sponsored by St. Joseph’s Church. We’re not even<br />

Catholic, and my dear mother had viewed Bingo as a form of<br />

gambling. (That the Catholics condoned Bingo made it all the<br />

more suspect.) Dad had obviously mingled with predators and was<br />

ensnared.<br />

I did, of course, have another more mature “voice”<br />

regarding all this: Dad is lonely and so is Cynthia. <strong>The</strong>y want<br />

another shot at happiness. My father has good genes; he’s still<br />

trim, only slightly stooped, a full head of white hair. With the<br />

exceptions of a depression he slipped into just after the loss<br />

of my mother and a tendency toward high blood pressure, he is<br />

healthy, has a sense of humor, likes to dance—all promising<br />

signs of vital years to come. Why not rejoice that he has found<br />

a partner?<br />

It was hard to find this more reasoned voice, however, when<br />

I was in my father’s house. All it takes for grown children to<br />

be reduced to adolescents is for them to step through the<br />

portals of the family home. A friend had told me of her<br />

mortification, while visiting her elderly father, at checking<br />

his list of medications and discovering a prescription for<br />

Viagra. She confessed, “I felt like a kid in sex ed class<br />

having, for the first time, to think about what my parents must<br />

have done to conceive me.” At the time I had joked about finding<br />

out if condoms were also covered by her father’s insurance.<br />

Later, I read in that AARP Bulletin that AIDS is on the rise<br />

among seniors. Really, it’s true.<br />

When I arrived in New Jersey Dad’s car was in the driveway,<br />

but I simply let myself into the house as if it were my own. <strong>The</strong><br />

stillness was disconcerting but the neat airiness of the living<br />

room stopped me like a stun gun. My parents had typically kept<br />

the place dark and rather on the shabby side, always with the TV<br />

blaring. Now there were bright new curtains and plants that were<br />

- 36 -


actually thriving. In a little kid’s voice, I tentatively called<br />

out, “Daddy?” When there was no answer, like a detective<br />

securing a crime scene, I quickly swept the premises. Obviously,<br />

nobody was home. I peeked into but was reluctant to closely<br />

inspect my Dad and Mother’s bedroom.<br />

OK, I told myself, remember to breathe. Since it was a<br />

beautiful spring day, Dad would likely have walked either into<br />

town or to the park on the way toward town. I decided to drive<br />

into town first so I could pick up a few things like diet coke,<br />

which he never kept on hand. I parked at the McDonald’s and<br />

decided to check inside, since the restaurant is one of those<br />

destinations for local seniors who cannot afford Starbuck’s.<br />

That was how I came across Dad and Cynthia in their compromised<br />

embrace. I had not intended to spy; it had not even occurred to<br />

me that my father would be making out (gross) at McDonald’s with<br />

that woman.<br />

Oblivious to my lurking as they snuggled up, the two of<br />

them malingered over paper cups of tepid tea used to secure<br />

their extended stay at the restaurant. Dismissing my own<br />

regressive state, I began to muse about the similarities of<br />

mindset in old age and adolescence: the propensity to ignore<br />

consequences, the disregard for societal norms, and the abject<br />

negation of long-standing family traditions. I caught myself<br />

inadvertently bobbing my head to Janis Joplin’s anthem:<br />

Freedom’s just another word for nuthin’ left to lose. Shaking<br />

the lyrical diversion off, I shifted back into disciplinary mode<br />

and quickly retreated from the restaurant. Fortunately, my<br />

father, who only had eyes for Cynthia, had not noticed my<br />

presence.<br />

Returning to the house and sitting on the living room sofa<br />

to await the return of the dynamic duo, I considered my father’s<br />

uncharacteristically neat stack of magazines and selected a news<br />

- 37 -


weekly to employ as a prop. I no longer felt so free to poke and<br />

roam about the house. My rational voice kicked in again: C’mon,<br />

the place looks nice, your father seems happy. Cynthia is<br />

healthy—she can take care of him, save you some worry and trips<br />

home. I was pretty convincing until my eyes drifted toward the<br />

mantelpiece. My parent’s wedding photo was gone! It had, in<br />

fact, been singled out and removed from its spot among several<br />

other framed family photos. I felt as if my Mother’s grave had<br />

been desecrated.<br />

I heard voices and approaching footsteps. Clutching the<br />

magazine to my lap and pressing my feet to the floor to steady<br />

myself, I hoped to appear nonchalant. As the front door opened I<br />

observed my father sling his arm around Cynthia to escort her<br />

inside, a simple gesture he had never afforded my mother.<br />

“Surprise!” I chirped in feigned good will. Standing and<br />

setting the magazine aside, I explained, “I arrived early.”<br />

Self-conscious and guilty, I quickly added, “Well, that was<br />

silly. I guess you saw my car. Anyway, I hope you don’t mind I<br />

let myself in?”<br />

“Of course not,” Dad reassured, smiling broadly. “You’re<br />

always welcome home. I’m just sorry we weren’t here to greet<br />

you.”<br />

I shrugged and forced a return smile.<br />

Dad gently supported Cynthia’s arm as he guided her toward<br />

me. She was wearing pale blue linen slacks, navy pumps and a<br />

modest white blouse. Her hair was splotchy blonde-covering-gray,<br />

teased underneath for body—a style favored by the aging beauty<br />

parlor set. (Thankfully she was not disheveled-looking from<br />

their very public romantic antics.)<br />

Dad’s face lit up as he looked toward Cynthia and<br />

proclaimed, “This is Cynthia, the best thing life has doled out<br />

to me in a very long time.”<br />

- 38 -


Cynthia seemed a little anxious as she stepped forward and<br />

reached out her hand. Smiling, she said, “Anna, I’m so pleased<br />

to meet you.” <strong>The</strong> way she met my eyes and said my name so softly<br />

made it impossible for me to withhold a smile or to quickly<br />

withdraw the hand I had placed in her extended one.<br />

<strong>The</strong> rest of the day Cynthia was gracious and attentive,<br />

both to Dad and me. He was atypically extroverted in her<br />

company, bragging about his career achievements and about my<br />

children and me. Cynthia listened intently and chuckled at Dad’s<br />

corny attempts at humor. She even reminded him that his favorite<br />

news program was about to start. My “elimination” game plan<br />

rapidly became defunct. If Cynthia was running a scam she was a<br />

grand master, and I could only surrender. I was also relieved<br />

that she seemed more like his generation than mine. If she had<br />

put on Beatles or Stones music instead of a classical selection,<br />

I think I would have burst into tears.<br />

That weekend I only stayed one night in my father’s house<br />

and then returned to Boston, if not assuaged, at least with more<br />

clarity. My issues were less about Cynthia, I decided, than<br />

about the discomfort I was experiencing around my father—his<br />

newly acquired enthusiasm for idle conversation and the kind of<br />

emotional engagement he displayed around Cynthia that was never<br />

there for my mother. Worse was the self-centered way he carried<br />

on about himself and angled for attention. My mother would<br />

definitely have called him on that, but such pretensions did not<br />

seem to perturb Cynthia in the least.<br />

At dinner with some women friends a couple of weeks later,<br />

I tried to express my reservations about my father’s new<br />

relationship. “It’s hard to explain,” I began. “I just don’t<br />

like who he’s become. He’s not the man I knew when he was with<br />

Mom. And it’s not just different—he’s not better. It’s like—like<br />

she’s catering to his narcissism. I can’t explain it.”<br />

- 39 -


I could tell from the way my friends cut their eyes quickly<br />

toward each other and away that I was not making sense. I let<br />

the topic go.<br />

At home that night I sat down at my computer and created a<br />

little sign to contemplate at my desk each day. It was not<br />

comforting but it did proclaim an essential truth regarding my<br />

perspective on my elderly father’s foray into romance. In three<br />

simple words the message I gave myself was: GET OVER IT.<br />

- 40 -


Rosewater<br />

Brian Alan Ellis<br />

“Well,” said Doctor Shire, the man maneuvering Rosewater<br />

into a white, fluorescently lit room, “here we are.”<br />

“Doctor,” said Rosewater, leaning forward in his<br />

wheelchair, “about the dream I had, last night…”<br />

“Do tell, Mister Rosewater, do tell…”<br />

“Well, I dreamt that Mother came to visit. It was in a room<br />

like this one. She came to me as a nurse.”<br />

“Oh?” said Dr. Shire, sleepily.<br />

“She injected me with something.” Rosewater thought about<br />

it. “Heroin,” he said. “Just like in real life.”<br />

“Mr. Rosewater, are you saying that your mother actually shot<br />

you up with heroin?”<br />

“Oh, yes,” said Rosewater. “For many years. She said it was<br />

her way of facilitating our relationship.”<br />

“Fascinating.”<br />

“You won’t believe it, Dr. Shire, but the heroin allowed me<br />

to walk again! It was difficult at first, mind you, but<br />

eventually I got the hang of it, and so I went over to Mother,<br />

who of course asked how her little boy was doing and I said,<br />

‘Oh, just fine, just fine,’ and we kissed, and after our kiss<br />

she told me to sit down on the floor, which I did, and she said<br />

‘good boy’ and then laughed that sweet, raspy laugh I remember<br />

her having, and I laughed also, and then she nudged me with her<br />

foot a little, and so I got real excited and began hugging and<br />

kissing those strong, wonderful legs of hers and then… then<br />

something bad happened.”<br />

“Something bad?”<br />

“Yes… the skin on her legs started to blacken and flake,<br />

- 41 -


much like paper does when it’s held under a match—or when it’s<br />

left on the stove—and so I looked up and saw that Mother had<br />

just burst into flames, and she held out her hands, which were<br />

melting, and cried, ‘What’s happening to me?’ and so I latched<br />

onto her, thinking I could put the fire out, but I couldn’t, and<br />

she turned to dust, right in my very arms.”<br />

“Remind me,” said Dr. Shire, “to order you a psychiatric<br />

evaluation.”<br />

“You really think so?”<br />

“Yes, Mr. Rosewater. Never have I been so sure about<br />

something. Ever.”<br />

“Have you ever lost a loved one, Doctor?”<br />

“I had a cat drown when I was seven.”<br />

“Ah, yes,” said Rosewater. “Burning and drowning. <strong>The</strong>y say<br />

those are the two worst ways to go. What do you think?”<br />

“Never gave it much thought, really.”<br />

“Yes, right, right…”<br />

“Now,” said Dr. Shire, “we want you on your best behavior.<br />

Because, frankly, Mr. Rosewater, we’ve all grown sick and tired<br />

of your antics—knocking over trays of food, putting holes into<br />

walls, coaxing patients and staff into doing strange things…<br />

Again, everyone is just sick and tired of it.”<br />

“Sick and tired, huh? Those words again…” Rosewater sat up<br />

as straight as he could. “Hospitals are made solely for sick and<br />

tired things, aren’t they, Doctor? Things taken into rooms—cold,<br />

lonely rooms—where they wait to be fed and forgotten and, if<br />

luck permits, to die too.”<br />

“Now, Mr. Rosewater…”<br />

“See it, Doctor?” Rosewater motioned to the open window<br />

across the room. “<strong>The</strong> afternoon breeze… as it dances through<br />

those transparent blue curtains? A miracle the breeze can fit<br />

through those mesh bars, don’t you think?” For a moment, both he<br />

- 42 -


and Dr. Shire stared curiously at the window. “Honestly,” said<br />

Rosewater, “I can’t think of anything worse than those blue<br />

curtains.” He smiled. “Doctor.”<br />

“We know you’ve been through a horrendous ordeal,” said Dr.<br />

Shire, shortening the stem of a yellow flower before placing it<br />

in a glass vase beside Rosewater’s bed, “but you shouldn’t take<br />

it out on people. We’re here to help you.”<br />

Rosewater nodded sadly. “I know, Doctor, I know…”<br />

“Well,” said Dr. Shire, checking the time, “I must be<br />

going. Nurse Diestrum has been assigned to aid you. She’ll be<br />

here shortly.” He turned to leave. “Be nice to her,” Dr. Shire<br />

added. “You’re in good hands.”<br />

Rosewater watched as the blue curtains continued in the<br />

breeze. <strong>The</strong>n he turned, setting his gaze on the glass vase<br />

beside his bed. <strong>The</strong> yellow flower floating inside the vase<br />

excited him, and so he rolled up to it. Gently, he ran his<br />

fingers along the stem. When a thorn cut into his thumb, he<br />

plucked the flower from the vase and snapped it in half. <strong>The</strong>n he<br />

brought his hand over the petals and squeezed, crushing them in<br />

a tight fist. He put what remained into his mouth and chewed,<br />

eventually chasing it with water from the vase. <strong>The</strong>n he pulled<br />

away the blankets covering his lower half, ignored the new<br />

stumps his accident had given him, and masturbated as the blue<br />

curtains danced some more.<br />

“<strong>The</strong> sound of your shoes squeaking down the hall amused<br />

me.”<br />

“Why, you must be Mr. Rosewater,” said Nurse Diestrum,<br />

presenting her hand for him to shake.<br />

Rosewater took Nurse Diestrum’s hand in his and stared<br />

longingly at it. “Mother,” he said, now running his bandaged<br />

thumb along her work-worn fingernails, “had hands just like<br />

these. Long, white, and pudgy.”<br />

- 43 -


“I beg your pardon!”<br />

“Oh, don’t be offended,” said Rosewater. “<strong>The</strong>y’re very<br />

beautiful.” He looked Nurse Diestrum up and down, smiled, and<br />

said, “Nice breasts, too.”<br />

“Excuse me?”<br />

“Mother,” said Rosewater. “She had excellent breasts. Round<br />

and healthy. Well built lady, my mother.”<br />

“I understand you’ve been in some sort of accident?”<br />

“Oh, yes, yes. Terrible one. Mother didn’t make it.”<br />

“I’m sorry to hear that.”<br />

“Oh, it’s fine. Really. She was cancerous. Better to go out<br />

in a blaze, I say.”<br />

“Well,” said Nurse Diestrum, “you’re in good hands with<br />

me.”<br />

“No doubt. Even Dr. Shire thought so. He was right, too.<br />

Lovely hands.”<br />

Nurse Diestrum smiled and began fluffing Rosewater’s<br />

pillow. “Mother burned up in a fire, you know…” Rosewater<br />

clucked his tongue. “Burning and drowning. <strong>The</strong>y say those are<br />

the two worst ways to go. What do you think?”<br />

“Never thought about it.”<br />

“Say, are you married?” Rosewater asked.<br />

“I’m sorry?”<br />

“It’s just that, with you being my nurse and all, I figure<br />

we should get to know each other a little.”<br />

“Well… no… not exactly…”<br />

“Boyfriend, then?”<br />

“Girlfriend. Eleanor. She teaches kindergarten. Any more<br />

questions, Mr. Rosewater?”<br />

“A teacher, huh? That’s swell. Would be nice to be<br />

something. I never had much opportunity for that. Mother always<br />

needed me around, especially after cancer.”<br />

- 44 -


“Well,” said Nurse Diestrum, placing a thermometer under<br />

Rosewater’s tongue, “taking care of the sick is certainly<br />

something.”<br />

“That’s true,” Rosewater mumbled.<br />

Nurse Diestrum removed the thermometer from Rosewater’s<br />

mouth and read it. “A little high,” she said. “But you’ll live.”<br />

“Would you care to see?” said Rosewater. “<strong>The</strong> accident left<br />

me two little guys. May as well get used to them.”<br />

“Why, yes,” Nurse Diestrum said nervously, “of course.<br />

Let’s have a look.” She pulled back the blankets covering<br />

Rosewater.<br />

“Well?”<br />

Nurse Diestrum turned and began dry heaving into the back<br />

of her hand. “It’s… it’s a very… unfortunate thing…”<br />

“Say hi to the pretty nurse,” Rosewater said to his two<br />

bobbing stumps. “What’s that?” He looked up at Nurse Diestrum<br />

and said, “<strong>The</strong>y want you to touch them.”<br />

“No, that’s quite all right,” she said.<br />

“Oh, they won’t bite,” Rosewater insisted.<br />

“Well… I… I suppose…” Nurse Diestrum reluctantly placed her<br />

palm over one of the bruised appendages.<br />

“<strong>The</strong>re,” said Rosewater. “Not so bad, is it?”<br />

“No, I”—Nurse Diestrum nearly fainted—“suppose not.”<br />

“Something to drink?”<br />

Rosewater nodded. “Cranberry juice. No vodka.” He winked.<br />

“Not allowed.” Nurse Diestrum handed Rosewater a plastic cup<br />

filled with orange juice.<br />

“You know, Miss Diestrum, I couldn’t help noticing your<br />

legs. You’re real lucky to have a pair like that.” Rosewater<br />

sipped his juice. “How much?”<br />

“I’m—sorry?”<br />

“Your legs,” said Rosewater. “How much you want for them?”<br />

- 45 -


Nurse Diestrum smiled and said, “Not for sale.”<br />

Rosewater looked at her very seriously. <strong>The</strong>n he laughed.<br />

“Of course they’re not,” he said. “If I had pretty legs like<br />

you, I wouldn’t give them away for anything.”<br />

“Well, I’m flattered you think so,” said Nurse Diestrum.<br />

“I’ve always been a leg man, you know—ever since I was a<br />

child. I remember,” said Rosewater, “sitting on the floor,<br />

looking up at Mother. She had legs just like yours, in fact.<br />

Real thick, strong ones.”<br />

“Yes, well, I think it’s time you—”<br />

“Listen,” Rosewater whispered, “would you be so kind… as to<br />

lend me a favor? Maybe have me sit somewhere on the floor…<br />

looking those pretty legs up. I’d be forever grateful, Ms.<br />

Diestrum. Maybe even kick me a little, with the tip of your<br />

shoe—not too hard, now—just enough for me to feel it some. Would<br />

you do that?”<br />

“Absolutely not!” Nurse Diestrum placed a metal tray of<br />

food on Rosewater’s lap. “Now—” She held up a spoonful of peas.<br />

“It’s time to eat.”<br />

“Please, it’s been so long, I—”<br />

Nurse Diestrum shoveled the peas into Rosewater’s mouth.<br />

“Go on,” she said, “chew.”<br />

“Yack! Terrible!” A gob of half-chewed peas dribbled down<br />

Rosewater’s chin. “Please, Ms. Diestrum, don’t make me eat this—<br />

this sick-and-tired food.”<br />

“Hush!”<br />

“No—no, damn it!” Rosewater used one of his stumps to knock<br />

the tray of food to the floor. “I told you I don’t want it!”<br />

“<strong>Fine</strong>. Have it your way, then.” Nurse Diestrum knelt down<br />

to pick up the mess. “After this, I’m putting you to bed. You<br />

hear?”<br />

Rosewater reached over and put his hand on Nurse Diestrum’s<br />

- 46 -


thigh.<br />

“My God!” Nurse Diestrum turned and struck Rosewater<br />

several times with the tray. “No! You hear me? No, no, no!”<br />

A thin trace of blood formed on Rosewater’s forehead. “You<br />

tricked me,” he muttered, the bitterness of two pills sliding<br />

uncomfortably down his throat. “You always trick me…”<br />

“Just you wait,” said Nurse Diestrum, gathering up her<br />

things. “Dr. Shire will hear about this.”<br />

Dazed, Rosewater looked towards the window. It was now shut<br />

and locked. <strong>The</strong> blue curtains no longer danced. He heard Nurse<br />

Diestrum shouting for Dr. Shire as the squeaks of her shoes<br />

moved out of the room and then quickened up and down the hall.<br />

He laughed; it was still amusing. <strong>The</strong>n he thought about his<br />

mother—her long, pudgy white fingers; the healthy round breasts<br />

spilling out; the thick, strong legs. He began masturbating to<br />

these visions. He continued doing so until the pills took him<br />

under, mid-stroke.<br />

- 47 -


Innovative Love<br />

Gary Beck<br />

<strong>The</strong> eternal triangle<br />

between two rivals<br />

for a desirable woman<br />

has been reinvented<br />

for the Information Age.<br />

While surfing the internet,<br />

an addictive diversion<br />

for underutilized minds,<br />

two men were welcomed<br />

by an enticing woman<br />

who built a relationship<br />

using remote control<br />

that provoked one suitor<br />

to murder the other.<br />

An investigation revealed<br />

the enterprising woman<br />

used her daughter's web page<br />

to pose as an eighteen year old<br />

and lured the distant victims<br />

to a violent end,<br />

deceiving them<br />

electronically.<br />

- 48 -


Metamorphosis<br />

Susan V. Meyers<br />

Because butterflies are beautiful<br />

I have no fascination for moths,<br />

their thick-blunt<br />

wings buttered brown<br />

as cinnamon, or rusted<br />

blades. I don’t care<br />

for the miracle of their birth:<br />

the parental corpse, the forgotten<br />

apple, like a planet now. <strong>The</strong>y feed<br />

on my accident. <strong>The</strong> underside of the bed,<br />

like a margin, becomes<br />

universal.<br />

Did I ask for this? Did I invent<br />

this? Some night lapse<br />

of the brain, some dream?<br />

And then their appearance<br />

like a subtext, below.<br />

I will clean everything.<br />

I will not tolerate their rushed cocoons,<br />

their unannounced<br />

arrival. <strong>The</strong>se white worms weaving<br />

themselves into my cotton sheets, my dreams.<br />

Poised—in the interval of their<br />

transformation—rigid<br />

as a ballerina, or bone.<br />

Better, if they had been butterflies:<br />

beautiful, seasonal, whole. More symbol<br />

than insect. What if butterflies<br />

had flown up out of my mattress one night?<br />

What if one had brushed my sleeping cheek, forearm, thigh?<br />

Could I have guessed: butterfly or moth?<br />

What difference<br />

would that have made, waking?<br />

- 49 -


William Watkins Filigree gold 3<br />

- 50 -


<strong>The</strong> Sermon of Vegetarianism<br />

Ilya Prints<br />

<strong>The</strong> mayor of the woods was the Big Man – the Bear. <strong>The</strong>y<br />

said he was appointed to duty by himself, long ago, but none of<br />

animals argued. <strong>The</strong> Bear was, really, the very-very one – the<br />

biggest, the strongest, and so the fairest and the wisest. In<br />

short, the Big Head.<br />

Life in the woods was calm and fine. Animals were busy with<br />

their regular businesses: making bunches of flowers, gathering<br />

berries and mushrooms, shopping, or visiting with each other.<br />

And everything would have been very well if not for the Wolf.<br />

While he was on friendly terms with sheep from the close<br />

village, the Bear did not pay any attention to the Wolf’s<br />

activity. But, when some rabbits, hares, and even moose began to<br />

complain, the Bear decided to talk with the Wolf.<br />

“It is very shameful to hurt the weak, good animals! <strong>The</strong><br />

animals who want to make bunches of flowers, gather berries and<br />

mushrooms, shop or visit each other as well the other creatures<br />

in the wood!” the Bear said. <strong>The</strong> Wolf was pretty ashamed. He<br />

hung his head. If not for the thick hair on his muzzle, everyone<br />

would see how the Wolf turned red. He was very, very ashamed.<br />

“Look around. You can go to the raspberry bushes or taste<br />

the honey. It’s pretty delicious!” continued the Bear. And with<br />

those heartfelt words, the Wolf’s eyes were filled with tears.<br />

Everyone could see that the Wolf was suffering.<br />

“All animals have to live in love,” the Bear proceeded with<br />

his sermon, inspired more and more by his own words. “<strong>The</strong>y are<br />

like pets. You, Wolf, could be welcomed to every home in our<br />

woods!” And the Wolf shed a tear. And each could see that reeducation<br />

and persuasion succeeded. But…but just at that moment,<br />

- 51 -


the Wolf saw the sheep returning to the village from a pasture.<br />

“Oh, my dear lord,” the Wolf said. “I am so tired… Let’s take a<br />

little break, only for half- an hour. It will take no more… I am<br />

so exhausted… And… and…I may miss my supper!”<br />

- 52 -


Cocooned in sheets<br />

Duane Jackson<br />

A pouch of dreams<br />

is gummed to leaf –<br />

a bed in misted<br />

jade-green sheen.<br />

Cocooned in sheets,<br />

sleep’s silken feel<br />

reforms my bones<br />

for winged retreat.<br />

- 53 -


<strong>The</strong> Ants<br />

Keith G. Laufenberg<br />

-1-<br />

THE INVASION<br />

When they came to the Valley of the Ants, an ant said: ‘Go into<br />

your dwellings, ants, lest Solomon and his warriors should crush<br />

you.’<br />

—<strong>The</strong> Koran.<br />

Betty Ross looked at her husband and could not fathom his<br />

unbridled anger, as he glared at the mass of small ants<br />

scurrying over the cupboards and kitchen table. <strong>The</strong>y had gotten<br />

onto the left-over dinner plates and then inside the cupboard,<br />

where the sugar container, which was a supposedly insect-proof<br />

Tupperware Bowl had been totally infiltrated by the small red<br />

balls of fury. “Good Gawd Betty—do you believe this—the little<br />

devils are everywhere. I’m gonna make this my first priority, to<br />

kill these bastards!” Stephen Ross, an aerospace engineer at<br />

nearby Lockheed Martin, in Marietta, shook his head sadly. <strong>The</strong>y<br />

had just moved into a new house in the country and he had given<br />

no thought to the insect population, until now.<br />

“Well Stephen I’m sure there’s no need to kill them.”<br />

“Wha’ … Betty—oh, right—well—ain’t that just like you. You<br />

don’t think there’s any need to kill these buggers? Are you<br />

crazy Bet’? Look—look?” Ross spread his hands out, palms up then<br />

moved them furiously back and forth around the room, signifying<br />

- 54 -


that there were ants everywhere. He walked to his large kitchen<br />

table, a solid mahogany beauty that had been a wedding present,<br />

and slammed his open palm down hard upon it, again and again,<br />

turning his hand over after every slap and then wiping the<br />

results onto has pants-leg, before continuing his one-handed<br />

assault. He only stopped when his wife walked over and grabbed<br />

his forearm. “Honey, why don’t you just take a shower and I’ll<br />

get rid of the ants for you.”<br />

Ross glared at his wife and then at the innumerable ants<br />

spread throughout the kitchen and dining room, then shrugged his<br />

shoulders, seemingly calming down, but only on the surface.<br />

“<strong>Fine</strong>, what the hell, it’s only midnight and I ain’t gotta<br />

get up till six in ah morning.” He stormed towards his bathroom,<br />

warily eying the ants, which seemed to be everywhere, now. He<br />

knew that no one could get rid of the little buggers, much less<br />

his wife of less than a year, but, as he stepped into the shower<br />

he smiled smugly; this would finally teach her something, as she<br />

was always complaining about all the pollution and how it, and<br />

progress, were so dangerous. She was against nuclear power and<br />

had history, such as the near meltdown at Three Mile Island in<br />

1979, to solidify her nature-first philosophy but her lectures<br />

on the environment drove him crazy.<br />

Stephen Ross stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel<br />

around his waist, hurrying out of the bathroom and into the<br />

- 55 -


dining room, where his wide smile soon faded, when he looked<br />

around the room, which was devoid of even a single ant. It was<br />

as if someone had taken a vacuum cleaner and sucked them all<br />

away, but, as he searched for one, he could plainly see that<br />

there was no such household appliance in the room.<br />

-2-<br />

THE SECRET<br />

God made all the creatures and gave them our love and our fear,<br />

To give sign, we and they are his children, one family here.<br />

—Robert Browning, Saul. St. vi.<br />

Betty Ross sprinkled the water onto the flowers and smiled,<br />

as several bees flitted about pollinating first one than the<br />

other of the white and red roses. She nodded at her neighbor, as<br />

the woman approached her, eying the bees warily. “Oh hello<br />

Missus O’Brien,” she said, smiling.<br />

“Oh, call me Emily please—Betty?”<br />

“Well alright then—Emily.”<br />

“God—how can you stand these bees? Oh my God. Emily O’Brien<br />

put her hands above her head and began fluttering them<br />

noiselessly, flailing in exasperation as several bees, sensing<br />

her fear and frustration, began swarming around her.<br />

“Oh, Emily, please just stand still and forget about them<br />

and then they’ll leave you alone.”<br />

- 56 -


Emily O’Brien gasped and paled noticeably. “Stand still?<br />

God, how can I? <strong>The</strong>y’re so noisy. Why, I’d be stung for sure?”<br />

Betty Ross shrugged her shoulders and set her water-pail on<br />

the ground. “Well, won’t you come inside for some breakfast<br />

then?”<br />

“Well, maybe just for some coffee.”<br />

“Alright then,” Ross replied, as she walked her neighbor to<br />

the back porch of her large home, which sat on two acres of<br />

relatively undeveloped land—out in Cherokee County. As she<br />

motioned her neighbor to a table on the back porch, Betty Ross<br />

walked into her kitchen and grabbed a pot of coffee from her<br />

stove. She brought it to the table, along with two porcelain<br />

cups and poured one hall-full of the dark liquid, then nodded<br />

towards the empty cup sitting in front of her neighbor. “Say<br />

when?”<br />

As she poured, the other woman smiled and cut her off when<br />

the cup was almost to the top. “I take it black,” she said and,<br />

as they sat sipping their java, Emily O’Brien smiled. “Oh, you<br />

do make a good cup of coffee, Betty.”<br />

“Why thank you Emily.”<br />

“Oh, it’s so beautiful out here, isn’t it?”<br />

“Yes-yes it certainly is and I hope it stays that way.”<br />

- 57 -


Emily O’Brien smiled languidly at this statement. “Oh, I<br />

know what you mean. We do need to keep the area as private as we<br />

can.”<br />

Betty Ross sipped at her mocha and smiled imperceptibly.<br />

“If it wasn’t for these damn insects and bugs it would be<br />

paradise out here, you know?” Emily O’Brien said.<br />

“Well, they were here before we were, you know!”<br />

Emily O’Brien smiled at her neighbor and stared out the<br />

screened-in porch. She had ascertained from her husband, who<br />

worked with Stephen Ross at Lockheed Martin, that Betty Ross was<br />

part Cherokee Indian, which she had considered a romantic idea<br />

at the time, but now she wondered if the woman weren’t just a<br />

little too strange for her taste. She was about to light a<br />

cigarette when Betty Ross quickly interjected, “Oh, I wish you<br />

wouldn’t—please.”<br />

“Oh … what … you mean my cigarette?”<br />

“Yes—and thank you very much for not smoking,” Ross<br />

replied, smiling.<br />

O’Brien kept the cigarette between her second and third<br />

fingers but didn’t light it, instead crossing her legs and<br />

leaning towards her neighbor to lower her voice, as if someone<br />

would hear them. “Of course dear, I won’t smoke if it bothers<br />

you. Oh Betty, by the way, could you please let me in on your<br />

secret?”<br />

- 58 -


“My … secret … my—”<br />

Emily O’Brien rolled the cigarette in her fingers aimlessly<br />

and leaned closer to Betty Ross, as if they were discussing a<br />

conspiracy that reached into the highest levels of the<br />

government.<br />

“Oh come now Betty, don’t be coy with me, please. Just tell<br />

me what brand of poison you used to get rid of those pesky ants.<br />

<strong>The</strong>y’re all over my house too. Bob says it must be some sort of<br />

a secret Indian herb that you use?”<br />

Betty Ross smiled languidly at her neighbor and shook her<br />

head. “Well Emily you could say that that is what it is, but<br />

it’s not a herb and it’s really not much of a secret, not among<br />

the Cherokees anyway.”<br />

“Oh? Oh, you’re, you’re part Cherokee then?”<br />

“Yes, my mother is an Anidjiskwa.”<br />

“An an-nadish …” I thought you said she was a Cherokee,<br />

Betty?”<br />

“Yes, she is, she’s a full-blooded Cherokee and a member of<br />

the Anidjiskwa—it is the Bird Clan— my ancestors were members of<br />

the Raven Clan, a clan that is now called the Bird Clan. She has<br />

taught me many things, only one of which is that we must live in<br />

harmony with all creatures and if you treat the ants in your<br />

house as you would treat human beings who were guests in your<br />

home they honor your wishes.”<br />

- 59 -


Emily O’Brien’s mouth dropped open, as her eyes magnified.<br />

“Wha’ … what … wha’ …? But what poison do you use? That’s all I<br />

wanna know?”<br />

“Ah, but I don’t use poison—Emily—no, I use love.”<br />

Emily O’Brien’s brows furrowed together in serious<br />

consternation. “What? You can’t be serious, love? You mean you<br />

love the ants?”<br />

Betty Ross smiled laconically and sipped her coffee. “Yes,<br />

I guess you could say that, although respect might be a better<br />

word.”<br />

“Love …? Respect—but they’re only ants—they’re insects.”<br />

“<strong>The</strong>y are living beings, Emily.”<br />

Emily O’Brien stood up uneasily. She felt she was talking<br />

to a crazy woman; either that or a witch. She had just seen a<br />

movie about witches and Emily O’Brien whose I.Q. was only a<br />

point or two above a baloney sandwich, believed whatever she saw<br />

on the big screen, especially if there were any big-name stars<br />

in the picture. She bid her neighbor a hasty farewell and<br />

hurried out the back door; lighting her cigarette almost before<br />

the screen door slapped shut and inhaling on it greedily, as she<br />

hurried towards her home and safety.<br />

- 60 -


-3-<br />

MOTHER EARTH<br />

Speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee.<br />

—Old Testament. Job, XII, 8.<br />

Betty Ross placed the plastic baggie inside her apron<br />

pocket, just alongside the clothespins and walked out into her<br />

backyard. It was early in the afternoon and she had a load of<br />

wet clothes to string upon her clothes-line. She stared up into<br />

the sky and saw the sun shining brightly and stopped abruptly.<br />

Suddenly, she was a little girl again and it was 1950, and she<br />

closed her eyes and saw her grandmother who was also her<br />

teacher, and this caused her to verbalize her thoughts, without<br />

her even realizing it, a she whispered: “A ke yv ku gv, Squa ne<br />

lv nv hi Ha do, wa do. Ye ho waah, Oo n jl nauh hi. Yo, U ha lo<br />

te qa, A at nv ti.” ‘Sun, my Creator, thank you. God, Maker of<br />

all things, good and great beyond all expression, here is the<br />

place of uniting.’<br />

She stared at the sun for almost ten minutes before walking<br />

to her clothesline and hanging up the wet clothes. She then left<br />

the empty clothesbasket and walked to the first of the mounds—<br />

which was slightly sloped and similar to what Betty knew her<br />

ancestors had copied on a much larger scale, in centuries past.<br />

She pulled the plastic baggie from her apron and spread some of<br />

its contents across the mound, closing her eyes as she did so.<br />

- 61 -


“Ah—workers—I know you have been wronged by my husband, as well<br />

as so many others, but they do not understand you as I do and I<br />

am here to make things well, as I promised you last night I<br />

would and I have Ye ho waah’s blessing in this. I will not<br />

forget my promises to you, as I know you will respect mine also.<br />

I am sorry that the house I live in has destroyed some of your<br />

mounds but I will see to it that it never happens again here.”<br />

Betty Ross spread the sugar granules liberally around the mound,<br />

then stood up and moved on to the next mound, several feet away.<br />

****<br />

Emily O’Brien spoke into the telephone, almost in a<br />

whisper, conspiratorially, as she exhaled a stream of toxic<br />

fumes from her nostrils and sat her burning cigarette in an<br />

ashtray, on the counter-top of her dining room table. “Yes, yes<br />

I know Sherry but I’m telling you I saw her putting the poison<br />

on top of the ant hills and they have absolutely no ants in<br />

their house. What? Well, I’m not sure about that but I think<br />

she’s some sort of a witch. Oh yes—yes—well it would explain a<br />

lot of things—how else could she stand watering those flowers<br />

among a mass of bees and not even be afraid of getting stung?<br />

And how else could she have plants blooming practically<br />

overnight? And....and wait’ll you hear this, she said she loves<br />

ants, yes-yes and worms, worms Sherry. Yes, really, she said<br />

- 62 -


they, the worms, can help save Mother Earth. Mother Earth Sher’,<br />

I mean weird, weird, she, she must be a witch.”<br />

Emily O’Brien stood up and walked towards her picture<br />

window, the one that afforded a splendid view of both her and<br />

her neighbor’s backyards, and, as she did so, the telephone cord<br />

knocked the ashtray with her lit cigarette onto her new rug, and<br />

on top of the front page of some old newspaper, but Emily<br />

O’Brien was oblivious of it, as she chattered on and on—<br />

gossiping—her favorite pastime, since moving to the suburbs.<br />

- 63 -


Ruben Monakhov<br />

- 64 -


Doggone it!!<br />

Wayne Andrewartha<br />

“Yes, of course I can talk. Why not? If a horse on TV can<br />

talk, then surely a dog would have no problems. Everyone knows<br />

dogs are way smarter than the average horse.”<br />

“Okay. Let’s get back to what I was saying. I’m an intelligent,<br />

and, even if I say so myself, a cute, black Doberman called<br />

Angel, who can talk, although only to Toby, my master.”<br />

“I know what you’re thinking. I can hear it in your<br />

silence. What’s this stupid dog on about? Dogs can’t talk,<br />

period. But you’re wrong - I can. And not just regulated barks<br />

or woof woofs either - plain English. And before you say it,<br />

just because you haven’t heard me talking doesn’t prove<br />

anything.”<br />

“Alright – I concede I have a doggie accent, but Toby seems<br />

to understand me. He just can’t tell anyone else. You might ask<br />

why? Because no one would ever believe him, that’s why.<br />

Especially since I’ve decided to talk only to him. Even the<br />

friendly females who rub my ears and say “Isn’t he cute?’ don’t<br />

get a word out of me.”<br />

“Thinking back to the time when he first brought me home, I<br />

didn’t need to talk to get my message across. I remember that<br />

first night so well. Everything was strange to me – new smells<br />

and new places to investigate, and a new owner to train. I<br />

recall that Toby was sitting at the kitchen table eating sirloin<br />

steak and fresh vegetables. It smelt so good; I was drooling.<br />

He’d already fully laden my dish with food - dog roll and dry<br />

biscuits. Oh, very nice, if only I couldn’t smell his steak.<br />

Now, I ask you – is that fair? When did equal rights disappear?”<br />

- 65 -


“From that very moment, I needed to re-establish his<br />

priorities towards me. Otherwise, I’d be eating doggie-type food<br />

forever. To change his attitude, I must admit I was a bit<br />

naughty. I waited for my chance. It came shortly after Toby went<br />

to the fridge to get another beer. When he returned and sat<br />

down, I walked over to the table, carrying my tray containing my<br />

untouched food in my mouth. Without warning, I dropped my food<br />

all over his black trousers - made a hell of a mess. I just<br />

looked up at him with my big brown eyes, as if to say ‘it wasn’t<br />

my fault.’ It got his attention though, because the very next<br />

night, I dined on steak just like he did. Best thing was – I<br />

didn’t need to say a thing.”<br />

“Before I tell you how I first came to talk to Toby, maybe<br />

you can answer something for me? Why do humans only clean the<br />

top part of their furniture? Don’t they know there’s an<br />

underbelly? As I crawl under furniture like the dining table,<br />

all I find is cobwebs, dust, and other undesirables. Not good<br />

for a dog’s fur, now is it? It makes me sneeze a lot as well.”<br />

“Carrying on with my story, I promised to share how I first<br />

started talking to Toby. It all happened when I was very young.<br />

I was so full of energy, I just couldn’t sit still. Toby had<br />

been trying to read a book, but couldn’t concentrate with me<br />

racing around the room, banging into furniture and knocking<br />

things over. He’s a slow learner, but finally he got the hint.<br />

He decided to take me to the park, so I can burn off this<br />

energy, and sniff out every nook and cranny, a doggie’s dream.<br />

In this particular park, there are many interesting nooks and<br />

crannies, I must say.”<br />

“Oh no, I shouldn’t tell you that – I forgot – dogs aren’t<br />

supposed to talk. “<br />

“Anyway, back to the park. Toby had bought a ball along for<br />

me to play with. After he’d released my lead, he flicked the<br />

- 66 -


all across the grass. Immediately, I scampered after it like<br />

any good dog would. Holding it in my teeth, I raced back and<br />

dropped it at his feet.”<br />

“He threw it again, this time further away. I raced after<br />

it, perhaps a tad less enthusiastic than the previous time. I<br />

dropped it at his feet again, and my tongue was already dangling<br />

from my mouth like an engorged lizard.”<br />

“Oblivious of my heavy panting, Toby fired it away again.<br />

Who was having fun here?”<br />

“I shot after it, and caught it between my teeth before it<br />

had even stopped rolling. ‘I’ve still got my speed,’ I mused.<br />

Halfway back, I stopped dead in my tracks, and flopped to the<br />

ground. A thought had suddenly flashed through my mind. ‘What am<br />

I doing this for? He’ll only throw it away and I’ll have to<br />

chase it again. It’s far too hot to race around like a mad<br />

thing.’<br />

“So I rose and strolled slowly back. As I dropped the ball<br />

at Toby’s feet, I casually said, “I’m over chasing balls today.<br />

Next time you want it, you fetch it.”<br />

“Well, talk about blowing his socks off. Momentarily, he<br />

stood there flabbergasted with a stupid expression on his face.<br />

After a few moments, he sat down quickly, his eyes as wide as<br />

saucers. You could say he was stunned. Yep, a talking dog will<br />

do that every time.”<br />

“Well, that finished our day in the park. He couldn’t get<br />

me home quick enough. He kept looking at me all the way home as<br />

if I was going to bite him or something. Of course, I wouldn’t.<br />

I love the big bozo, even if he’s an idiot.”<br />

“In the days that followed, Toby was that excited, he told<br />

all his friends, but they all laughed in disbelief – even his<br />

stuck-up girlfriend, Rachel, thought he’d lost it.”<br />

- 67 -


“Eventually, he couldn’t handle looking like the village<br />

idiot, so he stopped telling people about his talking dog. Now<br />

it’s our secret, and that’s the way I like it.”<br />

“Just talking about being an idiot reminds me of the day<br />

when Toby started confiding in me about his new girlfriend,<br />

Mary-Anne.”<br />

“Yep, you guessed it. Rachel dumped him when he put the<br />

hard word on her a few weeks back. I was curled up asleep in my<br />

cosy bed at the time, but Toby told me later. I said she was<br />

stuck-up.”<br />

“Anyway, back to Mary-Anne. Toby and I’ve had endless<br />

discussions about her. I know her well. Toby often buys her<br />

flowers and chocolates, takes her to dinner and maybe a show,<br />

but at the moment, she’s playing hard to get. All he receives in<br />

return is a good night kiss. And he’s deliriously happy with<br />

that!!!<br />

“I can’t understand that. In my world, if a female wants<br />

me, we just do it. No preliminaries – we may not even know each<br />

other’s name. Much better, don’t you think?”<br />

“<strong>The</strong>n there’s this thing called WORK!”<br />

“Toby goes off to work every day, and leaves me alone in<br />

the back yard. When he first started leaving me behind, I<br />

thought I’d been punished for doing something wrong. So I was<br />

extra nice to him when he returned that night and continued my<br />

affectionate behaviour throughout the next morning, but it made<br />

no difference – he still left me at home. Now I’ve gotten used<br />

to it, and it doesn’t bother me anymore. In a strange way, I now<br />

enjoy my own company. At least, I can get a lot more sleeping<br />

done without him around.”<br />

“One day we were talking and Toby said he works to earn<br />

something called money, which pays for our food (two steaks per<br />

mealtime is fairly expensive), and, of course, there are my vet<br />

- 68 -


ills. <strong>The</strong>re’s a wonderful nurse at the vets who always makes a<br />

big fuss of me, so occasionally I pretend to be sick just to go<br />

and see her again. If Toby was to ever find out ... well, bugger<br />

me!!<br />

“Oops, sorry - another thing we don’t do in our species.<br />

Not enough closets, I guess ...”<br />

“Toby works in all temperatures, while I laze around,<br />

sleeping, eating and drinking, and occasionally, if I’m lucky,<br />

the other. When he gets home tired from work, he still has to<br />

take me for a long walk, whether he wants to or not. I have to<br />

keep healthy you know? He has to amuse me whenever he’s in the<br />

house.”<br />

“<strong>The</strong> pleasure is not all one-sided. I do have my uses.”<br />

“For example, like the night Toby and Mary-Anne were out,<br />

and I stopped a burglar from taking all Toby’s nice things. It<br />

all happened so quickly; I surprised myself with what I did.”<br />

“I was sleeping inside the house when I heard the sound of<br />

breaking glass in the lounge. I was instantly alert. I spotted a<br />

man slightly smaller in build than Toby climb in through this<br />

broken window. I sensed something was wrong. Toby didn’t know<br />

this man.”<br />

“He kept the lights off, which gave me a decided<br />

advantage.”<br />

“Curious, I followed his flitting shadow as he went from<br />

room to room. He scooped up jewellery, a small TV and DVD, and<br />

Toby’s model car collection. He laid them out on the kitchen<br />

table, before raiding the fridge for food. I crept up behind him<br />

and whispered, “<strong>The</strong>re’s an angel at your table, and he doesn’t<br />

like you eating his food.”<br />

<strong>The</strong> man jumped up in fright at the sound of my voice. When<br />

I gave him my best impression of an angry Doberman - you know<br />

the one what I mean – the snarling jaws, the rolled back,<br />

- 69 -


demented eyes, and the ears pointed upwards, he just about<br />

choked on what he’d been eating.”<br />

He leapt up onto the table to escape my snapping jaws, but,<br />

when I jumped up beside him, he made a break for it. Ignoring<br />

his booty, he rushed headlong towards the window he’d broken to<br />

enter in the first place. Disorientated and in a blind panic, he<br />

dived through the wrong window. He hit the ground outside,<br />

covered in glass confetti.”<br />

“Without a moment’s hesitation, he rose and raced off into the<br />

darkness, nursing his cuts and bruises. My growl urged him on.”<br />

“If dogs were meant to have a sense of humour, I would’ve<br />

laughed ‘til I dropped. When I told Toby later, that’s exactly<br />

what he did. I guess humans are better equipped in some ways.”<br />

“At least Toby appreciated me much more after that. In<br />

fact, I’m spoiled rotten; a situation I can heartily recommend.”<br />

“<strong>The</strong>y say humans are much smarter than dogs, but guess<br />

again. I know who my money’s on.”<br />

“See You.”<br />

- 70 -


Francis Raven<br />

Dancing Grid<br />

- 71 -


Lunatic Speaks<br />

Caroline Hagood<br />

In the dream I’m under a cow tent<br />

in Africa somewhere, sucking<br />

my own sweat though a straw, feeling<br />

that I am nothing but a sum of small things, snails,<br />

fly wings, dust bunnies, candle drips, leftover<br />

air. When I wake, I feel so empty<br />

I eat everything in sight.<br />

My hurt is crystalline, taking on never<br />

before seen patterns of beauty, subtle<br />

in that way of things that belong to the mist, like cotton<br />

candy and the blue drool that follows, or the haze<br />

of teeth whiteners and skin powders that leave a dusting<br />

of synthetic snow across the dermis, newly fallen<br />

shadows, so close to not being, spinning<br />

alone in a vacuum.<br />

I still smell of cow and my eyes<br />

have started to rain. I married<br />

a weatherman so that he could tell me when my brain<br />

would start playing misty for me. <strong>The</strong> plan backfired<br />

and I'm up in the middle of the night watching TV, can’t sleep<br />

with this buzzing in my head, not quite pain<br />

and not quite light, something crueler, a mooing of the mind<br />

trying to run away from itself. If I'm not crazy,<br />

then why do my thoughts speak a language<br />

that I can’t understand?<br />

Is the oddball orange peel of this world<br />

in an atlas all there is? <strong>The</strong> globe carved up and impotent,<br />

like a discarded foreskin? Watching episode after episode<br />

of this stupid surgery show reminds me<br />

that people are really just pieces of meat, tendony,<br />

with puffy unindentifiables, many-colored protrusions<br />

that can be undone with instruments like the felling of the<br />

first tree<br />

that I do nothing to stop, just swivel hips,<br />

shake some rump in the lunatic disco<br />

as the jungle goes down.<br />

- 72 -


Eleanor Leonne Bennett<br />

Breaking Skin<br />

- 73 -


<strong>The</strong> Rite Steps to Manhood<br />

Ciara Harris<br />

Today I danced and proved all that I am. <strong>The</strong> thick wood smoke<br />

burns through my nostrils. Sweat trickles down my back, stinging<br />

the lash wounds along the way. My muscles seize but I stand my<br />

ground. I have made it to the end.<br />

I started the first steps just a boy, naked and exposed to the<br />

early morning air, every eye on me eager for the outcome.<br />

Through the lashings, inflicted by my own to test my endurance,<br />

I persevered. Deep into the waning light my stamina prevailed.<br />

Even as my bare feet caught the stray embers that spilled from<br />

the fire pit, nothing could damper my rhythm, my steps.<br />

Now I stand inside the ritual dance circle with the beat of the<br />

drum bound to my soul as my village, my people, look proudly<br />

towards me. Today I danced and proved all that I am, and I stand<br />

before them a man.<br />

- 74 -


<strong>The</strong> Nanny<br />

Rita Buckley<br />

Annie was the oldest nanny the agency had sent for us to<br />

interview, but there was something about her that the baby<br />

liked. She toddled over and held onto her leg.<br />

“Coe-coe-coe,” she said, tugging at the hem of her coat.<br />

“Coe-coe-coe.”<br />

Steffy didn’t want to let her go. Annie was the first nanny<br />

out of 40 that she’d didn’t shy away from or avoid.<br />

<strong>The</strong> baby liked her. For the life us of, we couldn’t figure<br />

out why. Annie was 63 years old, a washed-out former<br />

schoolteacher, with a dead husband and four grown kids, all<br />

living out of state. She had a deep voice, mousy brown hair, sad<br />

eyes, and sagging boobs.<br />

“Are you able to live in our guesthouse?” I asked.<br />

“Yes.”<br />

“Do you like dogs?”<br />

Our two English sheepdogs ran into the room and sniffed her<br />

flat ass. She moved it out of their way, and patted them on<br />

their heads.<br />

“Yes.”<br />

“Will you also do cooking and cleaning?”<br />

“Yes.”<br />

“Why’d you leave your last job?” I asked.<br />

“I retired with a decent pension,” she replied. “Not only<br />

that, the kids were bringing knives and guns into school. One<br />

student had a machete.”<br />

“Those are good reasons,” I said.<br />

My wife, Jane, sat back and took it all in. She was the<br />

antithesis of Annie: tall, all legs, with a mane of thick blond<br />

- 75 -


hair, and a body that could turn a stiff into a sex fiend. She’d<br />

never held a real job in her life, and was proud of it. She<br />

leaned back in her chair and filed her well-manicured nails.<br />

“How long have you been doing this?” she asked.<br />

“This is my first time out.”<br />

“How do we know you’re any good with kids?”<br />

“Well,” Annie said, “I raised four and they turned out<br />

pretty good.”<br />

“What‘s pretty good?”<br />

“One’s a physicist, one’s a lawyer, and the other two are<br />

doctors. A brain surgeon and a neurologist.”<br />

“That’s fine,” Annie said. “But are they happy?”<br />

“All happily married with kids. My oldest son just had his<br />

24th wedding anniversary.”<br />

“Do you have a husband?”<br />

“No. He died about 10 years ago.”<br />

“Do you have a boyfriend?”<br />

“No”<br />

“Do you want one?”<br />

“No.”<br />

“What do you do for fun?”<br />

“Play the cello, paint, swim”<br />

“Are you healthy?”<br />

“As far as I know.”<br />

Steffy was trying to climb onto Annie’s lap. She picked her<br />

up and bounced her on her knee. <strong>The</strong> baby cooed with delight.<br />

Jane and I looked at each other. Annie seemed like a fit to<br />

me, but I couldn’t tell what Jane was thinking. I could never<br />

tell what Jane was thinking. She always surprised me. That was<br />

one of her charms.<br />

“We’ll let the agency know tomorrow,” I said.<br />

- 76 -


Annie reached down and picked up one of Steffy’s stuffed<br />

bears. She held it in front of her and turned it this way and<br />

that.<br />

“Mr. Bear wants to play with you,” she said.<br />

<strong>The</strong> baby reached for the bear and she handed it to her,<br />

then eased her onto the floor. Annie stood up, slipped on her<br />

coat, and picked up her pocketbook.<br />

“Thank you,” she said.<br />

I stood to walk her to the door, but she waved me off.<br />

“I can find my way out,” she said.<br />

“I’m impressed,” I replied.<br />

_______<br />

<strong>The</strong> house was big, a 4,500 square foot custom-built<br />

contemporary. It had granite counters, stainless steel<br />

appliances, a SubZero refrigerator, a wine cellar, a marble bath<br />

with a soaking tub and Swedish shower, a master bedroom suite to<br />

die for, heated indoor and outdoor salt water pools, a gym, a<br />

billiards room, and a library. I bought it after I made a<br />

killing in the stock market.<br />

We also had a small guesthouse out back for the nanny.<br />

Actually, it was an in-law apartment with a fireplace and a<br />

loft, custom made closets, a flat screen TV, and a skylight. It<br />

had a whirlpool tub and steam shower. <strong>The</strong> windows overlooked the<br />

baby’s playground and one of our gardens. Jane’s parents were<br />

supposed to stay there when they visited, but they never did.<br />

_______<br />

Annie moved in two weeks to the day we hired her. She drove<br />

up to the guesthouse in a Honda Accord and started to unload her<br />

stuff. She brought very little with her. Just a couple of<br />

suitcases, a laptop computer, a cello, a box of music and a<br />

- 77 -


stand, canvases and painting supplies, photos of her children<br />

and grandchildren, and a framed portrait of her dead husband. He<br />

looked like a banker with rosacea, a tall thin man in a suit,<br />

with a ruddy face and piercing, grey eyes. I hung him over the<br />

fireplace for her. <strong>The</strong> bed was already made, the kitchen stocked<br />

with supplies, and the linen closet filled with plush towels, an<br />

extra blanket, and clean sheets and pillowcases. I gave her a<br />

map of downtown Westwin. We spread it out on her desk.<br />

“Can you read maps?” I asked<br />

“Yes,” she said.<br />

“Good,” I replied.<br />

“<strong>The</strong> bank is about here,” I marked it with an X, and did<br />

the same for the supermarket, post office, theatre, and<br />

bowling alley.<br />

“We’re very close to town,” I said.<br />

“Just go to the end of the driveway, turn right until you<br />

hit the first light, then take a left. It’s no more than 10<br />

minutes away.”<br />

_______<br />

Jane was spoiled, and I did nothing to change that. If<br />

anything, I made it worse. We were patrons of the Boston<br />

Symphony Orchestra and went to concerts at least three times a<br />

month. We were on the advisory councils of several philanthropic<br />

groups, and attended expensive benefits on a regular basis. I<br />

was a ranking member of the local Democratic party, and we often<br />

held fund-raising events at the house, catered affairs with<br />

caviar, Moet et Chandon, scallops wrapped in bacon, mushrooms<br />

stuffed with heart of mongoose, and generous portions of parlez<br />

vous Francais.<br />

I sat on the boards of a software company, a new social<br />

media group, a leading advertising agency, Bank of America,<br />

- 78 -


Pfizer, Novartis, Chi Chi’s Mexican Restaurant, IBM, and the<br />

local bagel shop. I finagled seats on several boards for Jane,<br />

to occupy her time. We didn’t need the money, but I liked to see<br />

her dress up and act purposeful. She never had much to say at<br />

the meetings, but she sparkled like a jewel and added an aura of<br />

elegance to any room she entered.<br />

That said, she was a less than an ideal mother. For some<br />

unknown reason, she was awkward around the baby, and put off by<br />

the messiness of feeding her and changing diapers. If the baby<br />

woke in the night crying, she generally slept right through the<br />

racket and left it up to me to provide solace. She needed her<br />

beauty sleep.<br />

I couldn’t understand her. I didn’t mind being a dad. In<br />

fact, I was thrilled by it, filled with wonder at this tiny<br />

person we’d created. I enjoyed comforting the baby and rocking<br />

her back to sleep. I loved her fresh, clean scent and her<br />

unadulterated joy at every new thing. I enjoyed feeding her,<br />

wiping the mess off her face after she ate, playing with her,<br />

reading to her, being in the pool with her. I savored every<br />

moment with my beautiful little daughter. She had my dark hair<br />

and her mother’s blue eyes; my smarts, her mother’s charisma.<br />

She’d get the best of everything. I’d see to that.<br />

_______<br />

“Wha, wha, wha. Wha, wha, wha. Wha wha wha. ”<br />

It went on and on, a never-ending, ear-piercing wail. <strong>The</strong><br />

baby had cholic, and I’d spent half the night driving around<br />

with her, hoping she’d fall asleep, and the rest of the night<br />

humming to her, reading <strong>The</strong> Duck and <strong>The</strong> Beast, and walking back<br />

and forth in the nursery, holding her on my shoulder. Nothing<br />

seemed to work.<br />

- 79 -


Steffy was still crying in the morning when Jane came into<br />

the kitchen. She took her in her arms for a few minutes, bounced<br />

her up and down a little, then handed her back to me.<br />

“I’m going shopping,” she said, and headed into Boston.<br />

When Annie came in to make breakfast, she took a quick look<br />

and asked if we had any vanilla extract. I handed the baby over<br />

to her and searched through the cabinets until I found a small<br />

bottle of it. Annie put the baby in her highchair, gave her some<br />

Cheerios to play with, mashed a spoonful of vanilla into her<br />

food, and tried to feed her.<br />

“Wha wha wah.”<br />

Steffy pushed it away. Annie told me to get the bear. I<br />

ran upstairs and brought it down.<br />

“Mr. Bear wants to eat,” Annie said. She pretended to feed<br />

the bear.<br />

Steffy stopped crying for a minute and watched warily.<br />

“One for him, one for you. Open wide.”<br />

She took the food.<br />

“One for Mr. Bear, one for you. One for Mr. Bear, one for<br />

you.”<br />

Annie made Mr. Bear jump up and down.<br />

“He wants more,” she said.<br />

Steffy ate faster, until all her food was gone.<br />

She’d stopped crying and was sleepy. <strong>The</strong> vanilla had worked<br />

like magic.<br />

We took the baby upstairs, put her in her crib, and watched<br />

over her until she fell asleep. I was exhausted, also ready to<br />

sleep, but Annie insisted on making me breakfast. I couldn’t<br />

resist the eggs, pancakes, and coffee. <strong>The</strong>n she handed me a<br />

mimosa in a fluted glass.<br />

“You deserve it,” she said.<br />

“Now,” she said, “come with me.”<br />

- 80 -


She took my hand and practically pulled me up to the master<br />

bedroom. She pushed me onto the bed, took off my shoes, and<br />

covered me with a blanket. Within minutes, I was asleep. I<br />

didn’t wake up until late afternoon. By then, the floors were<br />

sparkling clean, and the kitchen looked better than it had since<br />

we moved in. <strong>The</strong> dirty dishes were out of the sink. <strong>The</strong> spoiled<br />

milk was gone. <strong>The</strong> coffee, donuts, Cheerios, baby food, bread,<br />

and crackers were off the counters and in the cabinets. I didn’t<br />

see a single crumb anywhere. Everything was orderly and neat.<br />

I looked out the window and saw Annie working in one of our<br />

gardens. She was weeding the flowers. <strong>The</strong> speaker that connected<br />

her to the baby’s room was on the ground next to her. We both<br />

heard Steffy wake up. I climbed upstairs. Annie was right behind<br />

me.<br />

“Listen dad,” she said. “Go downstairs and let me do my<br />

job. I’ll be along with Steffy in a few minutes. If you’re<br />

hungry, brunch is in the refrigerator. Just dig in.”<br />

I went into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and took<br />

out a platter with grapes, pineapple, sliced apples and mangos,<br />

a big triangle of brie, and stoned wheat crackers. <strong>The</strong> coffee<br />

was perking and a bloody Mary was sitting on the counter. It had<br />

a little sticky note on it. I took it off and read it. It had my<br />

name on it.<br />

“Ideal,” I said, and started in on the grapes.<br />

______<br />

Jane came home with two large bags and a glow from an<br />

afternoon at the spa. She took the booty into the living room<br />

and put it on the sofa.<br />

“Look,” she said, pulling out a Prada handbag and matching<br />

alligator boots. “This will look wonderful with the business<br />

suit you bought me for the Cabot board meeting.”<br />

- 81 -


She opened the second bag and held up a sleeveless black<br />

cocktail dress, one of five she already owned. “I can always use<br />

another little black dress,” she said.<br />

Finally, she looked around the room.<br />

“Where’s Steffy?” she asked.<br />

“Working in the garden with Annie.”<br />

Jane went to the window and looked outside.<br />

“How sweet,” she said, “but a little dirty, don’t you<br />

think?”<br />

_______<br />

Jane decided that she wanted to go to graduate school at<br />

Cambridge College and get a degree in public health.<br />

“But you’ve never shown an interest in public health,” I<br />

said.<br />

“I’ve just never talked about it, but I’m very concerned<br />

about malaria, HIV, polio, and some other thing…I can’t remember<br />

what it is.”<br />

I tried to talk her out of it, but it didn’t work.<br />

“What about the baby?” I asked.<br />

“What about her,” she said.<br />

“You won’t be around much to watch her grow.”<br />

“I’ll see enough,” she said.<br />

“Are you sure?” I asked.<br />

I sat down next to her and kissed her face and lips. I<br />

unbuttoned her shirt and slipped off her bra. I kissed her<br />

shoulders, neck, and breasts. I held them in my hand and<br />

squeezed her nipples.<br />

“And what about me?” I asked.<br />

Jane smiled slyly.<br />

“And what about you,” she answered, stepping out of a black<br />

leather miniskirt and blue silk panties.<br />

- 82 -


I pushed her down on the bed and lay poised over her.<br />

“What about me,” I whispered.<br />

<strong>The</strong>n the baby screeched.<br />

________<br />

“A little fall,” Annie said, holding the snivling Steffy in<br />

her arms.<br />

I looked at the tiny scrape on her knee and kissed it.<br />

“<strong>The</strong>re. All better now,” I said.<br />

Jane took the baby from Annie, but she squirmed and put up<br />

a fuss. She reached for Annie, and Jane gave her back.<br />

“I don’t like this,” she said later. “<strong>The</strong> baby wants her<br />

more than she wants me.”<br />

“You need to spend more time with her,” I said.<br />

“Changing diapers and wiping muck off her face?”<br />

“That’s right,” I said.<br />

“You need to put her to sleep and be there in the middle of<br />

the night if she wakes up. You need to feed her three times a<br />

day and wipe her little ass. You need to get on the floor and<br />

read Mr. Duckling Goes to Town 40 times.”<br />

“I give her a bath every night.” she said. “Isn’t that<br />

enough?”<br />

“No,” I said. “It’s nowhere near enough.”<br />

“That’s why we hired Annie,” she said.<br />

“<strong>The</strong>n don’t be surprised when she reaches for Annie instead<br />

of you.”<br />

It was the first fight we’d had over the baby, one of many<br />

to come. Jane was always full of surprises, but her lack of<br />

motherly instincts was one I couldn’t fathom.<br />

She checked her fingernails, made sure the manicure was<br />

perfect.<br />

“Go change a diaper,” she said, and walked out of the room.<br />

- 83 -


_______<br />

It went downhill from there. Jane went to school and took<br />

an apartment in Boston. She only came home on weekends, and was<br />

always too tired to make love.<br />

“You have no idea how busy I am,” she said, giving the baby<br />

her bath. “<strong>The</strong> work is overwhelming.”<br />

I could feel anger rise in my throat like bile. I’d given<br />

her everything she ever wanted, and now she was abandoning us,<br />

leaving us behind like an extraneous limb in her useless pursuit<br />

of a degree she’d never use.<br />

“You’ll never go to Haiti and develop programs to get rid<br />

of tuberculosis,” I said. “You’ll never mentor anyone. You’ll<br />

never do a fucking thing with that degree.”<br />

“Up yours,” Jane replied, and walked out of the room.<br />

That was her answer to every problem: walk out of the room.<br />

But now she was walking out of the house and out of my life. I<br />

cancelled her credit cards and moved into one of the guest<br />

suites.<br />

_______<br />

Jane was in Boston on a perfect summer day, when the three<br />

of us went in the pool. I was holding the baby, bouncing her up<br />

and down, in and out of the water. Annie was swimming laps, one<br />

after another, like a pro. When she’d finished 10 of them, she<br />

took her turn dunking Steffy and I did a few laps. Afterwards,<br />

we walked down the manicured path to the guesthouse, Steffy<br />

between us. For the first time I noticed Annie’s strong arms.<br />

She also had nice legs.<br />

“That was refreshing,” she said.<br />

I agreed.<br />

- 84 -


We each had one of Steffy’s hands and every now and again,<br />

would swing her into the air. She loved it; whenever we did it,<br />

she squealed with delight. We continued until we got to Annie’s<br />

place, then I hoisted Steffy onto my shoulders. She had a great<br />

time slapping my head with her little hands. She was happy. I<br />

was happy. Annie was happy. It felt good to spend time around<br />

her. She was kind and mature—a real woman, not a selfish child,<br />

like Jane.<br />

________<br />

One Sunday night, I woke up at 3 a.m., restless, hungry for<br />

something, but not food. I tried reading, but couldn’t<br />

concentrate. I paced around the room for 15 minutes, then threw<br />

on a bathrobe and went outside for some air. I sat by the pool<br />

for a while, enjoying the warm breeze on my bare skin. I walked<br />

down the path towards Annie’s place. One dim light was on<br />

inside. I roamed around the backyard for a while, then knocked<br />

softly on her window.<br />

“Come in,” she said. “<strong>The</strong> door’s open.”<br />

I slipped inside without saying a word. Annie was in bed,<br />

the sheet pulled up to her neck. Except for the soft glow from a<br />

nightlight in the bathroom, the room was in shadows. It was so<br />

quiet; I could hear my heart beating. Annie watched me stand<br />

against the wall for a few minutes, then pulled back the sheet,<br />

inviting me into her bed. I hesitated, wondering what in the<br />

world I was doing there in the middle of the night with our 63-<br />

year-old nanny, and yet, I was drawn to her.<br />

I climbed in beside her and she took my hand. Her touch was<br />

firm and reassuring. After a few minutes, I let go and sat on<br />

the edge of the bed. She got on her knees and rubbed my<br />

shoulders. She worked her way up and down my back. <strong>The</strong>n she<br />

started in on my chest. She rubbed my pecs, and I felt them<br />

- 85 -


elax. Her hands made their way to my abs and worked each set,<br />

one side at a time. When she reached my belly button, I put my<br />

hand on top of hers. It paused, then started to pull away. I<br />

held it in place.<br />

“Don’t stop,” I said.<br />

I released the hand and lay back on the bed. A finger<br />

traced a small circle at the top of my hip.<br />

“Don’t stop,” I murmured.<br />

<strong>The</strong> hand moved down slowly. It wrapped itself around me,<br />

softly at first, then with a firmer grip as it started to stroke<br />

my skin.<br />

“Don’t stop,” I whispered.<br />

Annie leaned over me. I could see the years on her body,<br />

but didn’t care.<br />

Neither did she.<br />

“Stop?” she asked.<br />

“Don’t,” I said.<br />

“No way,” she replied.<br />

- 86 -


Francis Raven<br />

Transformation<br />

- 87 -


<strong>The</strong> English Teacher Retires<br />

after lines by Emilio DeGrazia, teacher<br />

Richard Glowacki<br />

He started emptied,<br />

let them pick him clean of the abandoned stuff<br />

they hoped to spin into ruts of progress,<br />

left the gates open for the next campaign<br />

to swarm in with their mistakes.<br />

As he stole away, he sat facing backwards<br />

on that slow train out of town and didn’t ask<br />

how much farther he had left to go;<br />

he let the receding fields widen, green<br />

as the future he once looked to.<br />

He let his eyes fall in love<br />

with illegible skies, redundant hills,<br />

and blue mirror seas with nothing to say,<br />

let his ear ease in the wordy singsong<br />

of lark, warbler, and wren.<br />

He let his tongue appetently assess<br />

the subordinating of salt to sweet<br />

and savored each fragment<br />

of fragrances born of sun and shade,<br />

returning those years lost<br />

to a life measured by clocks.<br />

He let the atonement of sleep revise<br />

the poor mechanics of how<br />

that world continued to work.<br />

After years of amending to at last<br />

astound them with that seamless answer,<br />

he now delights in the perfectly flawed fabric<br />

of each day, a dumbfounded,<br />

inarticulate student of it all.<br />

- 88 -


Ruben Monakhov<br />

- 89 -


On the last train<br />

Gary Glauber<br />

Semi-colons litter the bleak landscape,<br />

remnants from a time when punctuation<br />

held as stronghold against opposing forces<br />

that exploded full sentences from their footings<br />

and proclaimed the revolution in short shrill bursts.<br />

Now rogue consonants dot the decimated countryside,<br />

filled with the dream of alliterative activism,<br />

and the hope of restoring this communicative art<br />

to its once esteemed place on society’s shelves.<br />

That occurrence seems more remote<br />

with each passing day, as the viral pandemic<br />

spreads vapid emoticons and insipid acronyms<br />

like poisoned barbs that soundlessly wield damage<br />

on an infinitude of wavelengths and devices.<br />

Insouciance, wit and wisdom are the innocent victims,<br />

as particular tropes and devices go unnamed,<br />

unremembered, lost somewhere within a trove<br />

of perfect metaphors and cultural allusions<br />

wasted on blind eyes and deaf ears,<br />

resonating only in the tired memories<br />

and provincial ideations of geriatric warriors.<br />

This was ever the battle, it seems,<br />

a generational challenge of values and mores,<br />

a fight to the death over salt and water,<br />

split infinitives, and subtle points of logic.<br />

<strong>The</strong> iron wheels clank heavily on the tracks<br />

and slow progress reveals more of the carnage:<br />

abandoned screens and lost passwords,<br />

obliterated diction and a confused syntactical jumble<br />

that reveals ignorance entwined with indifference,<br />

and laziness worn as a badge of entitled pride.<br />

What is this new universe where symbols<br />

hide in plain sight and still get misread,<br />

this desolate and intrepid terrain<br />

of darkness and misunderstandings?<br />

<strong>The</strong> shadows climb across the far horizon<br />

and obscure the views from this aging conveyance.<br />

<strong>The</strong> cloak of nightfall gathers up the stragglers<br />

who seem to congregate in search of a phrase,<br />

a saying, a word weapon against the encroaching silence.<br />

- 90 -


Back to Zero<br />

A. Frank Bower<br />

Today is Sunday. Ten minutes ago, I poured a cup of<br />

leftover coffee and put it into the microwave oven, but the damn<br />

thing wouldn’t run. I hate cold coffee. I put the mug on my<br />

ceramic stovetop; it wouldn’t turn on, either. I assumed there’s<br />

a power outage and sipped it cold. I looked out the window over<br />

the sink to check the neighborhood for lights, didn’t see any<br />

and observed it’s a gray day. When I opened the front door to<br />

get the newspaper, I noticed there were no clouds. <strong>The</strong> sky was<br />

gray. It was eight a.m. I thought, Shouldn’t sunlight be<br />

brightening the world?<br />

<strong>The</strong>re was no paper, so I shut the door. I looked into the<br />

living room with its cobalt blue walls and navy furniture.<br />

Everything was gray. <strong>The</strong>re were no colors anywhere. I thought of<br />

Ross Palmer, shuddered and grabbed my microcassette recorder,<br />

thinking, It’s battery operated; maybe…. It failed to respond. I<br />

retrieved the notebook from my briefcase and began to write<br />

this, using the sketchy notes I did yesterday as a guide.<br />

Ross Palmer says the damnedest things. He opened last<br />

week’s session with, “Dr. Baron, I can’t see you through your<br />

skin.” It’s no wonder I look forward to meeting with him more<br />

than any of my three dozen cases. His circuitous mind, albeit<br />

delusionally paranoid, is fueled by an IQ of 184. My experience<br />

with geniuses, limited to four others, taught me they usually<br />

use their wits to construct elaborate rationales to avoid facing<br />

their illnesses. Ross accepts his and has worked with me for<br />

seven years to wrestle with it.<br />

Ross, not his real name, due to his right to privacy—a joke<br />

now—is a vegetarian. He believes the increased mental illness in<br />

- 91 -


America is traceable to chemicals in food. He washes and scrubs<br />

most things he ingests. Not surprisingly, he’s a slight man:<br />

five-seven, a hundred twenty pounds. Ross trims his beard and<br />

hair bi-monthly; just enough to eliminate split ends and<br />

unevenness. He always wears a fatigue jacket, even in summer.<br />

Flannel shirts, sneakers and shredded jeans complete his unkempt<br />

image, supporting his background as a flower child in the<br />

nineteen-sixties. Whenever I mentioned his appearance, he used<br />

the Einstein defense, claiming casual comfort as justification.<br />

Ross confesses, rather brags, about taking LSD from 1968 until<br />

1973. He admits it altered his brain chemistry, but insists the<br />

changes were positive ones. He adamantly denies connections to<br />

his psychiatric condition and claims, “Acid made me aware of the<br />

true nature of existence.” When I questioned why he stopped<br />

taking it, he said, “I maxed out on it. I’m perpetually in tune<br />

now, so I don’t need it any more.”<br />

<strong>The</strong>rapy sessions with Mr. Palmer taught me caution about<br />

what I choose to disbelieve. Sorting out paranoid verbalizations<br />

from expressions of actual perceptions is difficult. For<br />

example, the above statement: I can’t see you through your skin.<br />

When he said it, I suppressed laughter. I thought, That’s<br />

literally true. Reaching further, I wondered if he was saying<br />

something about my character, that I use my profession as a<br />

“skin” to hide myself from the world.<br />

This uncertainty led me to a vague feeling of fear during<br />

last week’s session.<br />

Ross said, “No one knows what ‘zero hour’ means.”<br />

“Which is?”<br />

His eyes were glassy and wide. “It’s where we’re headed.<br />

Back to zero.”<br />

“How so?”<br />

- 92 -


Ross breathed deeply. “Have you seen the home security<br />

system ad on TV, the one with all ones and zeros flowing over<br />

the outside of a house?”<br />

“Years ago, I saw one with them on the inside of a home.<br />

Why?”<br />

Ross leaned forward in his chair. “It represents binary<br />

digitalization. We think it’s everything today. Like we used to<br />

believe in radio waves.” He pursed his lips.<br />

“I had an old issue of a Superman comic in which he perceives<br />

everything all at once and almost goes mad, until he finds a way<br />

to stop it. It taught me that our senses aren’t consciousnessexpanders,<br />

but consciousness limiters. Otherwise, we couldn’t<br />

function. Imagine if we could see all different waves of radio<br />

frequencies simultaneously. We wouldn’t see; everything would<br />

gray out.”<br />

I didn’t get his point immediately. Ross shut his eyes a<br />

moment and sighed.<br />

Sometimes he lost patience with my intellect. Warmed to his<br />

subject, he kept talking. “<strong>The</strong> same applies to sound. Take<br />

music. I used to believe in infinity and that there’d be no end<br />

to new songs. Wrong. Have you noticed how more and more melodies<br />

are copies of earlier tunes?” He paused, eased back into the<br />

seat, nodded to himself and said, “We’re nearing the end.”<br />

“Ross,” I said, “I think I get the idea. If we heard all<br />

music at the same time, we’d just hear some high-pitched hum.”<br />

“Perhaps.” He sighed again. “Maybe nothing.”<br />

Struggling to keep up with him, I frowned. “What do you<br />

mean by, ‘nearing the end’?”<br />

Ross appeared frightened. “Are you familiar with entropy?”<br />

I shook my head.<br />

He said, “Google it.” He stared ahead, licked his lips and<br />

went on.<br />

- 93 -


“Consciousness limiting is the digit one. <strong>The</strong> universe is<br />

the digit zero. That’s the binary nature of our existence. When<br />

the last new song is composed and the final wavelength<br />

transmitted, we will have filled the electro-magnetic spectrum,<br />

caught up to creation.”<br />

He didn’t blink. His eyes widened and his face paled. “Our<br />

binary existence will have no alternative but to return to true<br />

zero. Nature will require that the universe collapse. <strong>The</strong><br />

implosion will cause another Big Bang and start all over again.”<br />

Ross chuckled dryly. “We will have gotten too close to deity.”<br />

I’d never heard anyone’s paranoia expressed on such a<br />

cosmic scale. I’ve listened to my share of patients claiming to<br />

be Jesus. Misplaced religiosity isn’t the same. Ross’ speech,<br />

although difficult for me to follow, showed me deeper delusions<br />

than before. He had no history of violence toward self or<br />

others; for the first time, I wondered if he might harm himself.<br />

I tried not to let him see my concern. “Ross, what are your<br />

plans?”<br />

He scoffed, “I’m not suicidal, Dr. Baron. I’m letting you<br />

know you’d better get your affairs in order—internally.”<br />

Ross wouldn’t listen to my attempts to delineate where his<br />

logic was faulty.<br />

My inferior intellect, a contributing factor, prevented me<br />

from countering him effectively. I tried to end our session on<br />

an optimistic note. “Ross, your theory is fascinating. Let’s<br />

resume this next week. I’ll see you then.”<br />

From the doorway, he said, “I hope so.”<br />

As I said earlier, when I opened my front door to get the<br />

newspaper, the colors of autumn were gone, replaced by visuals<br />

more like an old-fashioned television picture from before color<br />

transmissions. I shut the door and realized my home was also in<br />

black and white. Looking into my living room, I saw black fading<br />

- 94 -


and white darkening, as if each sought some middle ground. I<br />

thought, Oh, my God, and decided to write this down, regardless<br />

how illogical it is.<br />

Sweating, I laughed at myself, thinking, Ross was<br />

delusional—and illogical. His ideas made no sense. Yet, there is<br />

a power outage. I tried to write this with a black pen; it was<br />

almost invisible, gray letters on pale gray paper. For whatever<br />

reason, red ink, although also gray, works better. I can still<br />

read it. Dread assailed me until I accepted the truth.<br />

I’m laughing again. One huge, galactic guffaw. It doesn’t<br />

matter that I’ve gotten this down. Soon it will be illegible, as<br />

if I composed it in invisible ink. Besides, who’ll be around to<br />

read it?<br />

- 95 -


William Hicks Landscape 12-22-10<br />

- 96 -


House<br />

Annemarie Ni Churreain<br />

On that grave, bare soil I could return completely,<br />

feel my way back towards the centre as a blind woman might,<br />

with only love as her guide.<br />

In the wide open where not a single thing grows now,<br />

the one sure thing is memory:<br />

rooms, nooks, all the cherished holding-places survive.<br />

<strong>The</strong> stacked delph, the black trunk brought from America by ship,<br />

the box of photographs beneath the table in the high bedroom.<br />

I could reach through darkness, find them every time<br />

and know immediately – the earth underfoot, where in summer<br />

we set out chairs to watch who was coming in,<br />

going out at Kit Dhonnachaidh’s hill.<br />

- 97 -


Conversion to Digital, A Consolation for the Aging<br />

Barbara Westwood Diehl<br />

Rest assured that most days<br />

will be days of high definition,<br />

your widescreen image not degraded,<br />

the resolution so much sharper<br />

than earlier broadcasts,<br />

though there may be moments<br />

of pixelation, of feeling<br />

fragmented, your parts exposed,<br />

or black bars above and below<br />

the action, and a niggling sense<br />

of things you might be missing,<br />

and perhaps some audio artifacts,<br />

some popping and hissing,<br />

scrambled signals, like trying<br />

so hard to convey those words<br />

that start out as something<br />

urgent, simple—but come out<br />

as something else,<br />

though these will seem<br />

trivial as subliminal images<br />

when you recall that once<br />

your world was analog,<br />

subject to snow and ghosts,<br />

and sometimes both,<br />

and how hard you tried<br />

to discern the actors drifting<br />

through their plots<br />

like the conjured dead<br />

you can channel now<br />

in their true, immutable colors.<br />

- 98 -


Ruben Monakhov<br />

- 99 -


Notes on Contributors<br />

Wayne Andrewartha lives in Auckland, New Zealand. He graduated<br />

from the Wellington Correspondence School for Writing many years<br />

ago, and was in corporate accounting for 35 years. In the past 5<br />

years, he has written 3 novels, and 38 short stories. None of<br />

the above have has yet been published.<br />

Gary Beck is a New Yorker who worked as a theater director and<br />

art dealer (when he couldn't earn a living in the theater). His<br />

original plays and translations of Moliere, Aristophanes and<br />

Sophocles have been produced Off Broadway, and in other venues.<br />

His poetry has appeared in hundreds of literary magazines.<br />

Eleanor-Leonne Bennett is a young photographer from North West<br />

England, UK. He has won numerous photography competitions, such<br />

as Wrexham Science Festival's Photography Competition, and<br />

National Geographic's UK kids photography competition 2010. To<br />

see more of Bennett’s work please check out his website:<br />

http://eleanorleonnebennett.zenfolio.com<br />

Karen Beatty thinks of life as a river, coming and going,<br />

surging and flowing. Born in Eastern Kentucky near the<br />

temperamental Lickin’ River, she eventually settled in Greenwich<br />

Village, between the Hudson River and the East River, on the<br />

isle of Manhattan.<br />

A. Frank Bower retired early from mental health work to write<br />

and spend time with his wife Carol. An ex-patient inspired this<br />

story. Other clients have led to numerous tales. Bower hopes his<br />

complete psych hospital memoirs will find print.<br />

Rita Buckley is an award-winning freelance medical writer. Her<br />

fiction has appeared in print and online in Versal, Calliope,<br />

Danse Macabre, Bartleby Snopes, and other journals.<br />

Caroline Coe is a visual artist and writer experiencing the<br />

transition out of a 25-year marriage and diving, headfirst, into<br />

her lifetime love of creating art.<br />

Barbara Westwood Diehl is founding editor of <strong>The</strong> Baltimore<br />

Review and an employee and M.A. in Writing student at Johns<br />

Hopkins University. Her short stories and poetry have been<br />

published in a variety of publications, including MacGuffin,<br />

Confrontation, Rosebud, <strong>The</strong>ma, JMWW, Potomac Review, American<br />

- 100 -


Poetry Journal, Measure, Little Patuxent Review, SmokeLong<br />

Quarterly, Caper Literary Journal, and Gargoyle.<br />

Karen Douglass writes poems, novels, a blog, and grocery lists.<br />

She lives in Colorado with three dogs, one cat, an old car and<br />

her family. You can visit her at KD’s Bookblog<br />

[kdsbookblog.blogspot.com] or you can go to Colorado.<br />

Brian Alan Ellis lives in Gainesville, Florida. His fiction has<br />

appeared or is forthcoming in Skive, Zygote in my Coffee,<br />

Thieves Jargon (as Brian Rentchek), Corduroy Mtn., <strong>The</strong> Big<br />

Stupid Review, Dogzplot, <strong>The</strong> Splinter Generation, Flashquake,<br />

Underground Voices, Midnight in Hell (as Alan Shivers),<br />

Glossolalia, Conte, Fiction Fix, and G Twenty Two. He wishes you<br />

a fine day.<br />

Gary Glauber is a poet, fiction writer, teacher, and music<br />

journalist. He knows that each ensuing day is a transition of<br />

sorts, an opportunity too. His poems will be forthcoming in <strong>The</strong><br />

Compass Rose, Front Porch Review, Kitchen, and StepAway<br />

Magazine.<br />

Richard Glowacki lives in the Seattle, WA area and teaches high<br />

school English. Some of his poems have been published in<br />

magazines such as Great River Review and English Journal.<br />

Caroline Hagood is a poet and professor of literature and<br />

creative writing. She has written on arts and culture for <strong>The</strong><br />

Guardian, Salon, and the Huffington Post. Her poetry has<br />

appeared in Shooting the Rat (Hanging Loose Press), Movin'<br />

(Orchard Books), Angelic Dynamo, Ginosko, and Manhattan<br />

Chronicles. She's always looking for adventure, the perfect<br />

slice of pizza.<br />

Ciara Harris is a 23 year-old student earning her second degree.<br />

Engaged in books from a young age, she completed her first work<br />

of 400 handwritten pages in 6th grade. Since then inspiration<br />

has struck in many forms, flash fiction being one.<br />

William D. Hicks is a writer who lives in Chicago, Illinois by<br />

himself (any offers?). Contrary to popular belief, he is not<br />

related to the famous comedian Bill Hicks (though he’s just as<br />

funny in his own right). His writing has appeared in other<br />

journals such as Highland Park Poetry Muse Gallery and Outburst<br />

Magazine, <strong>The</strong> Legendary.<br />

- 101 -


Duane J Jackson is a 30 year-old poet from Kolkata, India. While<br />

he is not writing, he enjoys dabbling in the ‘what’s what’ of<br />

current affairs, reading, listening to rock, folk and world<br />

music, dream weaving and mind surfing. His work has been<br />

published in other literary journals such as Danse Macabre, <strong>The</strong><br />

Scrambler, and Red Fez.<br />

Lynn Kennison currently lives in the sunshine state with her<br />

husband, our four dogs, and a poofy gray cat. She works in an<br />

office setting where her boss loves to hear himself talk and<br />

tends to give long-winded speeches. It is during these times,<br />

she likes to daydream, and later compile her thoughts into short<br />

stories and poems.<br />

D. Krauss is a retired USAF officer currently working for the<br />

State Department on contract. He has 21 other stories published<br />

in various EZines, such as "A Fly in Amber" and "<strong>The</strong> Battered<br />

Suitcase."<br />

Caroline Krieger-Comings has been studying and producing twodimensional<br />

artwork since childhood. She was raised in<br />

Hackensack, New Jersey, just outside of New York City, and have<br />

lived and worked in San Francisco, Aix-en-Provence, Antwerp and<br />

New York City. Travel, photography and teaching artistic drawing<br />

techniques to adults enhance the expression of her heartfelt<br />

passion for visual art.<br />

Dorothee Lang is a writer, web freelancer and traveller, and the<br />

editor of BluePrintReview. She lives in Germany, and always was<br />

fascinated by languages, roads and the world, themes that<br />

reflect in her own work. She keeps a sky diary, is still<br />

captured by the possibilities of the web, and currently is<br />

focusing on collaborate projects. For more about her, visit her<br />

at blueprint21.de.<br />

Keith Laufenberg has been writing for over 30 years and has had<br />

over a hundred poems and short stories published in numerous<br />

literary magazines and journals and have had 2 novels published:<br />

“Miami Rock” and “Semper-Fi-Do-or-Die”, both in 2007.<br />

After growing up selling corndogs and cotton candy at carnivals<br />

up and down the West Coast, Susan Meyers extended her gypsy<br />

habits into other lands, spending several years living in Chile,<br />

Mexico, and Costa Rica. She still enjoys travel, though she has<br />

settled down (somewhat) back home: the Pacific Northwest.<br />

- 102 -


Ruben Monakhov was born in 1970 in Leningrad (USSR). He<br />

graduated from Serov Art School (at present time Roerikh Art<br />

School) in 1991. He is a member of St. Petersburg section of<br />

Russian Federation Artists Union since 1999. His works can be<br />

found in public and private collections in Russia, Belgium,<br />

Germany, USA, UK.<br />

From Donegal in Ireland, Annemarie Ni Churreáin has a BA in<br />

Communication Studies and an M.Phil in Creative Writing. She is<br />

a writer, editor and arts promoter. Her poetry has been<br />

published widely in Ireland and abroad. Her creative interests<br />

include folklore, the Irish Language and children's writing.<br />

Ilya Prints is from St. Petersburg, Russia and lives in Boston<br />

for about 10 years. A few of his other works, poems and flash<br />

fictions, were published in other literary journals.<br />

Francis Raven’s books include Architectonic Conjectures<br />

(Silenced Press, 2010), Provisions (Interbirth, 2009), 5-Haifun:<br />

Of Being Divisible (Blue Lion Books, 2008), Shifting the<br />

Question More Complicated (Otoliths, 2007), Taste: Gastronomic<br />

Poems (Blazevox 2005) and the novel, Inverted Curvatures<br />

(Spuyten Duyvil, 2005). Francis lives in Washington DC; you can<br />

check out more of his work at his website:<br />

http://www.ravensaesthetica.com/<br />

Raj Sharma is a retired professor of English, who has worked at<br />

universities in India, Iraq and U.S.<br />

When Amy Tolbert became interested in photography, her only<br />

camera was the very low resolution one on her cell phone. She<br />

downloaded some free photo-editing software to disguise the poor<br />

quality of her photographs. She soon grew bored with "good"<br />

photography, ditching it for what she calls "extreme<br />

photomanipulation."<br />

William Watkin’s art has appeared in <strong>The</strong> Maguffin (cover),<br />

Flashquake, Song of the Siren, Able Muse, EOTU, and <strong>The</strong> Pedestal<br />

and has illustrated two of his books, Suburban Wilderness, and<br />

<strong>The</strong> Psychic Experiment Book. When not drawing, he races<br />

dirtbikes with his son, Chad.<br />

Michael T. Young prefers a glass of Dalwhinnie to a slice of red<br />

velvet cake. He lived in the East Village in his 20s with a<br />

novelist and a filmmaker. He once sat in front of Picasso’s Les<br />

Saltimbanques and read Rilke’s 5th Duino Elegy. He still follows<br />

Joseph Brodsky’s advice to “be obstinate.”<br />

- 103 -

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