54-57 dunn_FALL2010.indd - WLS Lifestyles Magazine

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Obesity is a disease that causes much (dis)-ease in one’s life. It seems pretty common to hear someone say, “I hope I don’t wake up one day with cancer,” but I often hear “I hope I don’t wake up obese again someday.” In order to heal it was necessary to die to my old way of thinking, my old programming and my old negative thoughts so that I could celebrate life! When I was obese I wasn’t dead, but I wasn’t alive, I was merely existing. When I write articles for the magazine, I generally write about my experiences with obesity and the healing that has taken place in my life. This year I celebrated my 40 th birthday, and yes I realize I am still very young! I also celebrated being 7 years post weight loss surgery. At the age of 30 I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease they thought to be a rare form of Lupus. Three months were spent on bed rest, and it gave ample time to put my life in perspective. Being 385 pounds and being dependent on others for even the basics of self-care is enough to humble anyone, including myself. Often I lay in the bed during that illness and dreamed of what life would be like IF I were well, IF I were thin, IF I were healthy, and IF I were loved. Loving myself never crossed my mind; instead I continued to search outside for love and acceptance. Three years after that diagnosis on September 11, 2003 was the beginning of a healing process. Going into the operating room that day to have gastric bypass I vowed to change my life! I perceived this surgery as a second chance at life, which I would make the choice to live and no longer merely exist! As the number on the scale dropped, my thought process shifted from being afraid of dying from obesity, to the fear of not succeeding with the actual weight loss, and eventually the fear of gaining my weight back. My programming was so negative, I could not imagine being successful at anything, including living. Finally, I am at a point in my life that I can admit there were times I not only felt like I was dying, I wanted to die! I began to ask myself questions. “How can I move forward? How can I learn to leave these old ways behind me? Are there lessons left that I need to learn from this experience? Why am I so attached to these situations and these feelings?” When I say I had to die to my old ways, it was exactly that, a death. I was negating the fact that just because I was physically dying, I was leaving my old ways behind me. There is a reason I refer to my surgery date as my re-birthday. I had to grieve the loss of things in my life such as eating for comfort, and constantly being negative so that I could experience a sense of rebirth and live freely in a bright healthy light. My journey is my own personal path to healing and wellness. Each of us has our own story, our own unique path that we are taking. It is a wonderful feeling to embrace yourself and your journey. I encourage you to find your own path and experience it daily. On my journey, I have had the opportunity to hear many speakers, meet people and meet new friends. Last November I was at an event in Atlanta and I met Mary Jo Rapini. It was a refreshing experience, and as soon we met I felt like I had known her all my life. She spoke from her heart and one of the things she discussed openly with others and me at this event, is the parts of obesity that is often quieted. Too often sexuality and intimacy is a topic that is neglected because it is just too taboo. Of course, I was experiencing these discussions with MY therapist in what I perceive as my safe zone in her office. And I was beginning to realize I am not alone. I had allowed the parts of me that I consider sacred to be violated and had spent years trying to punish myself for those choices. There is certain liberation in being able to acknowledge this fact, as well as a desire to take responsibility and move forward. After reading Mary Jo’s book, Is God Pink? Dying to Heal, I began to connect the words she wrote about her near death experience and her experience and relationship with God, to my own experiences of “dying to my old ways of life.” Often I find myself reading Heart and Soul with Mary Jo, found on Maryjorapini.com where she blogs about life experiences that I relate to in my weight loss journey. F A L L 2 0 1 0 55
Alive & Well Mary Jo has graciously agreed to be a part of this article and the following is a Q&A between she and I. Teresa Mary Jo, in your book, Is God Pink?, you wrote about how physically dying started your sacred journey of healing spiritually. I was able to relate to this concept in my own bariatric post-op path, as I felt the years of being super morbidly obese had covered my own spirit, it had left me spiritually and emotionally weak. Having bariatric surgery was in a sense a second chance at life. Can you reflect some of your thoughts on how dying to our old ways would be essential to making our new life successful? mary jo Teresa, dying to your old ways is grieving. It is grieving the person you were, the injured child, and the person who had a child’s innocence. Once you let go, grieve and bury that part do you have an opportunity to trust something bigger and more ominous than yourself. Not only did I have a near death experience, but it forced me to see another side, and to let go of my old ways that weren’t working. Teresa After we met in Atlanta, I emailed you one day to tell you that I had a revelation of sorts. I had realized by reading your words of how you “died to heal” and although you had physically died and came back, that I died to my old ways and habits when I went into the operating room. I even refer to my surgery day as my re-birthday. You replied that the difference is that I chose that path and your aneurysm was not a choice. Now, I completely understand that statement. I also realize how hard it was to make this choice. Can you shed some light on how people might use this as a tool in their post-op healing? mary jo To make dying to your old self you must be very brave. It means you let go of the denial about how your weight began, what you were doing to continue it and quit blaming others for your situation. In a sense, you trust that you are loved no matter what you did in the past. You make a decision that the weight was your way of medicating something that you were not able to express in a healthy way. This is tough work, and because you chose it instead of it being forced upon you, it is more difficult to carry through. Teresa I have attended several of your lectures and I must say it was hard for me to get the nerve to attend a seminar on sexuality. Your wit, humor and compassion made it easier. There is a large percentage of the bariatric population that have experienced sexual trauma or abuse of some sort during their lifetime. There is a misconception that we do not deserve to be beautiful, sexy or loved for that matter. My thoughts on sexuality have definitely changed as my post-op journey has progressed. One thing I have learned is my sexuality has nothing to do with sex, it has more to do with self-confidence and knowing my inner being. How could that be explained from a therapist’s point of view? mary jo It is difficult to be confident about ourselves when someone robbed of us of our innocence. Or worse if someone told us we were not beautiful or worthy. Most of the work of choosing a new life, or dying to heal is realizing you are the adult over that child inside. You have to call the shots and you and only you, and change the way you think, behave or live. Once we begin to see we are loved because we are human, God’s creation, we realize we also deserve to have a relationship of mutual trust and love. In order to have that with another we must begin it with ourselves. This is a long process and it DOES NOT HAPPEN IMMEDIATELY AFTER SURGERY. “This is an inside job. “ Teresa Please, recommend one thing other than the diet, protein, water, chew and exercise that a post-op might add to their toolbox to help them have a successful journey. mary jo Pray…pray for yourself and others every day. Teresa In your opinion, what does it mean to truly heal from obesity? mary jo Healing from Obesity has nothing to do with weight. It has to do with being able to look at food differently and no longer wanting food when you are upset, bored, lonely, frustrated, or feeling worthless. It is having the immediate awareness that you are feeling this way and being able to self-soothe without anything going into your mouth. Once that happens, you are no longer going to suffer from weight. Other people are the key. The happiest people give the most to others. – Love you, mjo • about teresa… Teresa Dunn White had her RNY bariatric procedure 7 years ago in Charleston, WV with Dr. Robert Shin. She maintains a 225 pound weight loss and spends much of her time writing about her own bariatric journey in her blog teresajourneyshome.wordpress. com and her <strong>WLS</strong>lifestyles.com blog. She worked in the nursing field for over 20 years, and is certified in nutrition and weight loss management. In her free time Teresa enjoys writing and designing jewelry. She is a keynote speaker at various bariatric events and bariatric support groups speaking from both the patient and professional platforms. about mary jo… Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC is a psychotherapist specializing in intimacy, sex and relationships. She lives in Houston, Texas. Mary Jo maintains a private practice and is the Intimacy/Sex Psychotherapist for the Methodist Hospital Pelvic Restorative Center and The Methodist Hospital Weight Management Center. Additionally, she is a renowned lecturer, author and television personality. Currently you can find Mary Jo on the TLC series Big Medicine. Rapini is the author of two books: Is God Pink? Dying to Heal and co-author of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever. 56 <strong>WLS</strong> LIFEST YLES • w w w. w l s lifestyles.com
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54-57 dunn_FALL2010.indd - WLS Lifestyles Magazine

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