54-57 dunn_FALL2010.indd - WLS Lifestyles Magazine

&
Alive Well
The Art
of Dying
is to
Celebrate
Living!
by Teresa Dunn White & Mary Jo Rapini
“The day we’re born we start
to die. Don’t waste one minute
of this life. Get to livin’. Share
your dreams and share your
laughter. Make some points for
the great hereafter.”
– Dolly Rebecca Parton
54 WLS LIFEST YLES • w w w. w l s lifestyles.com

Obesity is a disease that
causes much (dis)-ease in
one’s life. It seems pretty
common to hear someone
say, “I hope I don’t wake up
one day with cancer,” but I often hear “I hope I don’t wake up
obese again someday.” In order to heal it was necessary to die
to my old way of thinking, my old programming and my old
negative thoughts so that I could celebrate life! When I was
obese I wasn’t dead, but I wasn’t alive, I was merely existing.
When I write articles for the magazine, I generally write
about my experiences with obesity and the healing that has
taken place in my life. This year I celebrated my 40 th birthday,
and yes I realize I am still very young! I also celebrated being 7
years post weight loss surgery.
At the age of 30 I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease
they thought to be a rare form of Lupus. Three months
were spent on bed rest, and it gave ample time to put my life
in perspective. Being 385 pounds and being dependent on
others for even the basics of self-care is enough to humble
anyone, including myself.
Often I lay in the bed during that illness and dreamed of
what life would be like IF I were well, IF I were thin, IF I
were healthy, and IF I were loved. Loving myself never
crossed my mind; instead I continued to search outside for
love and acceptance.
Three years after that diagnosis on September 11, 2003 was
the beginning of a healing process. Going into the operating
room that day to have gastric bypass I vowed to change my
life! I perceived this surgery as a second chance at life, which
I would make the choice to live and no longer merely exist!
As the number on the scale dropped, my thought process
shifted from being afraid of dying from obesity, to the fear of
not succeeding with the actual weight loss, and eventually
the fear of gaining my weight back. My programming was so
negative, I could not imagine being successful at anything,
including living. Finally, I am at a point in my life that I can
admit there were times I not only felt like I was dying,
I wanted to die!
I began to ask myself questions. “How can I move forward?
How can I learn to leave these old ways behind me? Are there
lessons left that I need to learn from this experience? Why am
I so attached to these situations and these feelings?”
When I say I had to die to my old ways, it was exactly that,
a death. I was negating the fact that just because I was physically
dying, I was leaving my old ways behind me. There is a
reason I refer to my surgery date as my re-birthday. I had to
grieve the loss of things in my life such as eating for comfort,
and constantly being negative so that I could experience a
sense of rebirth and live freely in a bright healthy light.
My journey is my own personal path to healing and wellness.
Each of us has our own story, our own unique path that
we are taking. It is a wonderful feeling to embrace yourself
and your journey. I encourage you to find your own path and
experience it daily.
On my journey, I have had the opportunity to hear many
speakers, meet people and meet new friends. Last November
I was at an event in Atlanta and I met Mary Jo Rapini. It was
a refreshing experience, and as soon we met I felt like I had
known her all my life. She spoke from her heart and one of
the things she discussed openly with others and me at this
event, is the parts of obesity that is often quieted. Too often
sexuality and intimacy is a topic that is neglected because it is
just too taboo. Of course, I was experiencing these discussions
with MY therapist in what I perceive as my safe zone in her
office. And I was beginning to realize I am not alone.
I had allowed the parts of me that I consider sacred to be
violated and had spent years trying to punish myself for those
choices. There is certain liberation in being able to acknowledge
this fact, as well as a desire to take responsibility and
move forward.
After reading Mary Jo’s book, Is God Pink? Dying to Heal, I
began to connect the words she wrote about her near death
experience and her experience and relationship with God, to
my own experiences of “dying to my old ways of life.”
Often I find myself reading Heart and Soul with Mary Jo,
found on Maryjorapini.com where she blogs about life experiences
that I relate to in my weight loss journey.
F A L L 2 0 1 0 55

Alive & Well
Mary Jo has graciously agreed to be a part of this article
and the following is a Q&A between she and I.
Teresa Mary Jo, in your book, Is God Pink?, you wrote about
how physically dying started your sacred journey of healing
spiritually. I was able to relate to this concept in my own bariatric
post-op path, as I felt the years of being super morbidly
obese had covered my own spirit, it had left me spiritually and
emotionally weak. Having bariatric surgery was in a sense a
second chance at life. Can you reflect some of your thoughts
on how dying to our old ways would be essential to making
our new life successful?
mary jo Teresa, dying to your old ways is grieving. It is grieving
the person you were, the injured child, and the person
who had a child’s innocence. Once you let go, grieve and
bury that part do you have an opportunity to trust something
bigger and more ominous than yourself. Not only did I have
a near death experience, but it forced me to see another side,
and to let go of my old ways that weren’t working.
Teresa After we met in Atlanta, I emailed you one day to tell
you that I had a revelation of sorts. I had realized by reading
your words of how you “died to heal” and although you had
physically died and came back, that I died to my old ways and
habits when I went into the operating room. I even refer to
my surgery day as my re-birthday. You replied that the difference
is that I chose that path and your aneurysm was not a
choice. Now, I completely understand that statement. I also
realize how hard it was to make this choice. Can you shed
some light on how people might use this as a tool in their
post-op healing?
mary jo To make dying to your old self you must be very
brave. It means you let go of the denial about how your
weight began, what you were doing to continue it and quit
blaming others for your situation. In a sense, you trust that
you are loved no matter what you did in the past. You make a
decision that the weight was your way of medicating something
that you were not able to express in a healthy way. This
is tough work, and because you chose it instead of it being
forced upon you, it is more difficult to carry through.
Teresa I have attended several of your lectures and I must
say it was hard for me to get the nerve to attend a seminar
on sexuality. Your wit, humor and compassion made it easier.
There is a large percentage of the bariatric population that
have experienced sexual trauma or abuse of some sort during
their lifetime. There is a misconception that we do not deserve
to be beautiful, sexy or loved for that matter. My thoughts
on sexuality have definitely changed as my post-op journey
has progressed. One thing I have learned is my sexuality has
nothing to do with sex, it has more to do with self-confidence
and knowing my inner being. How could that be explained
from a therapist’s point of view?
mary jo It is difficult to be confident about ourselves when
someone robbed of us of our innocence. Or worse if someone
told us we were not beautiful or worthy. Most of the work of
choosing a new life, or dying to heal is realizing you are the
adult over that child inside. You have to call the shots and
you and only you, and change the way you think, behave
or live. Once we begin to see we are loved because we are
human, God’s creation, we realize we also deserve to have
a relationship of mutual trust and love. In order to have that
with another we must begin it with ourselves. This is a long
process and it DOES NOT HAPPEN IMMEDIATELY AFTER
SURGERY. “This is an inside job. “
Teresa Please, recommend one thing other than the diet,
protein, water, chew and exercise that a post-op might add to
their toolbox to help them have a successful journey.
mary jo Pray…pray for yourself and others every day.
Teresa In your opinion, what does it mean to truly heal from
obesity?
mary jo Healing from Obesity has nothing to do with
weight. It has to do with being able to look at food differently
and no longer wanting food when you are upset, bored,
lonely, frustrated, or feeling worthless. It is having the immediate
awareness that you are feeling this way and being able
to self-soothe without anything going into your mouth. Once
that happens, you are no longer going to suffer from weight.
Other people are the key. The happiest people give the most
to others. – Love you, mjo •
about teresa…
Teresa Dunn White had her RNY bariatric procedure 7 years ago
in Charleston, WV with Dr. Robert Shin. She maintains a 225 pound
weight loss and spends much of her time writing about her own
bariatric journey in her blog teresajourneyshome.wordpress.
com and her WLSlifestyles.com blog. She worked in the nursing field for over 20
years, and is certified in nutrition and weight loss management. In her free time
Teresa enjoys writing and designing jewelry. She is a keynote speaker at various
bariatric events and bariatric support groups speaking from both the patient and
professional platforms.
about mary jo…
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC is a psychotherapist specializing in intimacy, sex and
relationships. She lives in Houston, Texas. Mary Jo maintains a private practice and
is the Intimacy/Sex Psychotherapist for the Methodist Hospital Pelvic Restorative
Center and The Methodist Hospital Weight Management Center. Additionally, she is
a renowned lecturer, author and television personality. Currently you can find Mary
Jo on the TLC series Big Medicine. Rapini is the author of two books: Is God Pink?
Dying to Heal and co-author of Start Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your
Mom about Health, Sex or Whatever.
56 WLS LIFEST YLES • w w w. w l s lifestyles.com