America's Most Controversial Drug Rehab - Surviving Straight Inc

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab.
Introduction
A small group of parents from an Orlando, Florida based drug rehab founded Straight,
Inc. in April 1976. Its first branch was opened in St. Petersburg, Florida. Straight, Inc. was
designed to treat adolescent youth from 12-22 years of age for Chemical Dependency. Over
several years, Straight, Inc. opened other branches in other major cities across America,
including Orlando, Cincinnati, Southern California, Plymouth, Atlanta, Washington D.C., Virginia
Beach, Springfield, Dallas, Boston, & Sarasota.
Straight, Inc. theorized that peer pressure got kids on drugs and peer pressure will get
kids off drugs. Utilizing professional and Para-professional staff, the group was led in several rap
sessions each day. Clients were expected to talk about their past drug use and how it effected
their lives, family, friendships, school and trouble with the law. The group of clients held each
other accountable for their actions and gave support to each other throughout their treatment.
The program utilized a condensed 7-step version of AA’s twelve-step program.
The 5 Phases of Straight.
First Phase- A client is classified as a Newcomer. A Newcomer initially loses a lot of
things in the first several weeks. They are prohibited from reading, watching TV, sending or
receiving mail, making or receiving phone calls, and listening to the radio. Contact with the
family is limited to five-minute “talks” which are earned by the Newcomer up to two days a week.
The Newcomer has even lost responsibility over him/her self. They are held on to and led by the
belt loop by Oldcomer’s, clients who are further along in their program. Newcomers are watched
twenty-four hours a day. Their clothes and personal items, right down to their deodorant, are
searched for drugs and paraphernalia, or anything that may be used to get high or harm
themselves.
On First Phase Newcomers stay in the homes of Oldcomer’s and are a part of their
family. This exposes them to family life in a home without drugs/alcohol. The Oldcomer’s
become the Newcomers friend and confidant. They help them learn the steps of the program
and how to write Moral Inventories, which are required to be written daily from their third day.
First Phase is spent talking about SELF and learning how to share their feelings that they
have for their past. It is during this time that they learn the rules of the program and other
aspects of being a client in Straight, Inc. First Phase is a minimum of 14 days long, although
most clients will spend considerably more time on this phase. The Client must earn his way to
Second Phase, when they can go home.
Second Phase- Second Phase starts out at that exciting moment when a Clients goes
home to his/her family. In cases where the client lives outside the treatment area, he/she will
remain in a Foster home with another client. The major goal for second phase is working on
FAMILY relationships. The client can now wear a belt and has responsibilities over other
Newcomers and work around the building. Reading is limited to the Bible. Phone calls are
limited to “Dime Therapy” in which one can call another client for help or advice. At some point,
Staff will conduct an inspection of the home to ensure that Newcomers can be kept safely. All
Oldcomer’s are required to care for Newcomers at some point in their program. This is done at
the discretion of Staff. There is no minimum time frame for Second Phase.

Third Phase- The Client on third phase now works on ACHEIVEMENT at school or work,
while continuing to work on SELF, and FAMILY. The client returns to the building after school or
work. In this important phase, the client faces outside peer pressure for the first time since
entering the program. The client can now wear a watch, watch TV, listen to the radio, and read.
Phone calls and mail restrictions still apply. There is no minimum time spent on third phase.
Fourth Phase- During this phase, the client begins a staged withdraw from active
involvement in the program. He/She comes to the building four days a week, after school or
work. Fourth Phaser’s sit in a specially designated area in the group. Fourth Phaser’s may now
make and receive phone calls and send and receive mail. The major goal for fourth phase is to
learn constructive use of LEISURE TIME and to develop healthy, quality peer FRIENDSHIPS.
Fourth Phase lasts a minimum of 90 days.
Fifth Phase- During the fifth and final active phase of treatment, the Client is only in the
building three days a week. He/She now concentrates on SERVICE to others and social
responsibility and prepares for 7 th Stepping. Fifth Phaser’s are part of the chain of command and
are responsible for the Group. Fifth Phaser’s take requests from other clients in the group and
pass them on to the higher levels of Staff and ensure that the request is answered in a timely
manner. Fifth Phaser’s stand along the side the group as an example and watch over the other
clients in the program. A client remains on fifth phase for at least 60 days and can only be 7 th
Stepped by the Director of the program.
7 th Stepping (Graduation) The client is now out of the active aspect of the program. A
7 th Stepper is required to attend after care meetings twice a week for the first three months and
one day a week for the final 3 months. A Client who lives out of state is only required to attend 1
after care meeting a month for six months. A 7 th Stepper is still required to write daily Moral
Inventories until the six months of after care treatment is completed. Dating is still prohibited
until the six months has ended.
The 7 Steps
1) Admit I am powerless over drugs and come to believe that a power greater than
myself can restore me to sanity.
2) Make a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God, as I understand Him.
3) Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself daily.
4) Admit to God, myself, and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs
immediately.
5) Make direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would
injury them, myself, or others.
6) Seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God, as I
understand Him, praying only for the knowledge of His will for me and the power to
carry that out.
7) Having received the gift of awareness, I will practice these principals in all my daily
affairs and carry the message to all I can help.

The Three Signs
Think, Think, Think
First Things First
Easy Does It.
Serenity Prayer
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference
Five Cr iteria
1) Is it based on objective reality
2) Is it goal producing
3) Does it keep me out of conflict with myself or others
4) Does it make me act and feel the way I need
5) Does it protect my life
In the following chapters you will enter a world known by few. Please keep in mind that I
do not profess to be a writer. The story line throughout the book may seem inconsistent
and choppy. This is a result of a great deal of time having elapsed. The experience is
told from information I retrieved from my Moral Inventories, and actual documents
obtained from a variety of branches of Straight, Incorporated. The names used in this
book are fictional.

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab
From Childhood to Drug Use
I grew up in a middle class neighborhood. I was the older of two children. My sister is
two years younger than I. I did poorly in school due to my lack of motivation to do well and a
learning disability and hyperactivity that was diagnosed when I was 9 years old. Prior to that
diagnosis I was tied to my chair by a teacher using a jump rope when I was six because I
couldn’t sit still. I was physically abused by another teacher who shook me violently and slammed
me against a wall when I was just 7 years old again for acting out and not being able to sit still. I
was verbally abused by my fourth grade teacher who constantly told me I would never amount
to anything and that I was a waste in her classroom. I started using four letter words at this age.
I had very few friends growing up. Even the friends I did have I constantly questioned if
they really liked me or not. My self-esteem was practically non-exisistant. When I was in middle
school my dad was the Principal. That made life tough for me. People were convinced that
because I was the Principals kid, I could never get in trouble. I intentionally acted out so I did
get in trouble.
I was finally placed back into the mainstream classroom when I was 12. I had spent two
years on Ritalin and now the drug was making me more hyper than before. I was still a bit
hyperactive, but there were no medications available to help me. I did just enough schoolwork to
get by each grade. Sometimes I wonder if my dad being the Principal had an influence on the
teachers to pass me when in fact I should’ve been held back.
In eighth grade I met a girl named Janet. She had a deep beautiful tanned body. She
had gorgeous blue eyes and a brilliant smile. I was attracted to her instantly and tried
desperately to befriend her. It was during this time that my last piano teacher had to quit
teaching me to play because I wasn’t using the proper finger techniques to play the music.
Within two weeks of that I began writing my own music. I wrote my first song to Janet.
Over the course of that year I continued to write more songs to Janet. Whenever I wrote
a song to her I would record it on a cassette tape and give it to her. At the end I would ask her
to tell me what she thought of it on the other side of the cassette. She never did. I was also
writing her “love letters” as many as three or four a day. In the mean time classmates were
relentlessly teasing me. I was a very lonely and depressed little boy. One day I had asked Janet
if I could talk to her. She agreed. We were standing out in the hallway just outside the
cafeteria. I said, “I want to die.” Janet seemed confused and asked, “You want a dime”
Frustrated and sad, I said, “No, I want to DIE!” Janet looked at me and said, “Well, do what you
have to do.” I was crushed. I didn’t really want to die. I wanted attention from her. I wanted
her to plead with me not do it and tell me she cared about me.
In the end I realized that Janet would never really like me as a friend, let a lone be my
girlfriend. But I stilled cared for her very much.
After eighth grade we attended Anderson Heights High School. I watched for Janet in
the halls but we were very rarely in the same classes. She barely spoke to me.
My freshman year was uneventful except for taking up cigarette smoking where I saw
older students smoking pot. In the 1970’s it was not unusual for high schools to have smoking
areas. As long as the students had their parent’s permission to smoke it was allowed. It didn’t
matter that most of the students were under 18 and it was illegal for us to buy cigarettes but
that law wasn’t enforced at all. I was never approached about smoking pot with them.
During my sophomore year I was in class when I was approached about smoking pot for
the first time. I don’t even remember who he was, but he told me he was going to get me high
after class. I told him that I wasn’t interested but he persisted. After class he and I made our
way down to the smoking area. He pulled out a joint and lit it. After he took a hit off it, he
passed it to me. I was scared. I was afraid that a teacher or principal would catch us. I took a
hit and realized…I liked it. He and I smoked the whole joint, but I didn’t get high.

Over the next few days I smoked pot and it wasn’t until the fourth time that I finally got
high. The high wasn’t as intense. It took awhile before that happened. Once I started getting
high I started looking for more opportunities to smoke. Within three weeks of my first joint, I
was doing other drugs. Speed and LS D were the next drugs I did.
During that same time period I was buying my own drugs. Every morning in the
smoking area I, along with at least a dozen other people, would wait for the dealer to arrive. It
was a mad dash to get the best pick of the joints he was selling. After I bought my joint we
would get in a circle at the far end of the smoking area and smoke as much as possible before
the first class of the day would start.
The highs usually lasted 4-5 hours. I really started liking the way I felt and wanted to
get high more and more often. Pot had become my drug of choice, but would use Speed when it
was available. I never really like the high that speed gave me. It gave me what felt like a sore
throat.
One day I bought a hit of LS D (Purple micro dot) someone had told me that people using
LSD talked to walls and had bad hallucinations. I was a little scared but I took the hit. It was an
intensified high. Kind of like a marijuana high. I didn’t have any hallucinations, just a buzz. I
liked it, but it was rather expensive. I only used LSD two other times over the five years I used
drugs.
My relationship with my straight friends took a turn for the worse. I was hanging out
with the “potheads” more often.
By my junior year I managed to get my first job at local steak house washing dishes.
Janet was working there, but resigned shortly after I got hired. Coincidence I don’t think so. I
hated the job but liked the idea of having money to buy more drugs. I was now buying pot by
the half or whole bag. I was getting high everyday. I can remember going to my hang out in
the woods and seeing how much pot I could smoke in one sitting. I was skipping school more
often in order to get high. I was isolating myself from the rest of family. I would come home and
head straight to my room or down stairs and watched TV.
One day in the smoking area someone I had known since elementary school approached
me. He asked if I wanted to smoke a joint with him. I, of course, said yes. This joint was
different. The paper was red. It was a larger joint than I had seen before. He and I smoked it.
It tasted different. I asked him what was in it. He told me that I was smoking pot with Cocaine
in it. I was a little scared. Had I really gotten to this point in my life that I was doing Cocaine so
soon About a half-hour later I learned that this guy was arrested for possession. The high was
something I had never experienced before. For a while, I was afraid that I might never come
down from its effects.
By the end of my Junior year I realized that I had a serious drug problem. It was the
only thing I really wanted to do. I had to attend Summer school in order to become a Senior. I
even got high in Summer School.
I attended a Christ In Youth Convention in Michigan with my youth group from church. I
really needed to get away from the drugs for a while. I rededicated my life to Christ and swore
that I would quit doing drugs. But within a week, I was smoking pot again and looking for other
ways to get high.
After I relapsed I started getting high while at church functions. One time our youth
group was going on a retreat out of town. We stopped at a restaurant to eat. But another guy
and I went to the restroom and smoked pot. We were nearly left behind because everyone was
back on the bus waiting for us. We didn’t have time to smoke a cigarette to help cover the pot
smell. We got back on the bus, knowing we reeked of pot. I was scared and embarrassed when
I walked by my sister. No, I have to say that I felt more ashamed of myself for what I was
doing. My sister endured a lot over the years as I continued to use drugs.
I worked in the Audio Visual Department at my church. The room we worked in was
close to an exit. After the Minister would start his sermon, I would step out to the parking lot
and get high. I often times stole cigarettes out of cars in the parking lot.

One day my parents found my pipe and a stone, along with some other paraphernalia in
my bedroom. I was scared of what they were going to do. I admitted to them that I had
“experimented” with pot and tried speed once. They believed me and told me to stop using. I
told them I would.
My senior year saw the addition of more drugs. I was introduced to Downers, Tye Stick,
Hash, Rush, and later, Alcohol. Although a lot of these drugs weren’t used on a consistent basis,
I use them whenever I could. There wasn’t a drug I wouldn’t do at this point.
I remember huffing Rush in choir. After using it so much I got bad headaches, but I
really didn’t care. The buzz was the only thing I wanted.
I got a 10-day out of school suspension for smoking outside the smoking area. That was
the longest period of time I ever went without doing drugs since I started. I was grounded and
didn’t have an opportunity to get out of the house. When I returned to school I bought as much
pot as I could. At this point I was saving as much pot as possible to smoke on the last day of
school. I was also attending night school so I could graduate with the rest of the class. I was
told that if I failed one class I would be held back another year.
One day my English teacher was giving me a lecture in the hall just outside my
classroom. He was telling me that I could be doing so much better in class. I knew what he was
saying was true. There were a few times that I really worked hard for the first half of the
quarter and get B’s and C’s by midterm. But then I would stop working and slide by with D’s and
F’s. While my teacher was talking I began feeling sick to my stomach. I asked if I could go to the
rest room. He told me no. The next thing I remember I was waking up on the floor. My head
and jaw hurt badly. I was taken to the nurse’s office via stretcher. The Paramedics were called.
I remember one of the medics looking concerned. I was bleeding from my ears and mouth, a
textbook sign of a head injury. Witnesses told them that I passed out and fell flat on my face.
My knees didn’t buckle and my face took the full force of the fall. I was loaded in the squad. On
the way to the hospital the medics started giving me a hard time and accused me of being
wasted. I denied that I had taken anything, knowing full well that I had. We were stopped at a
railroad crossing. I heard one medic say, “It’s a good thing he’s not in full arrest.” I cannot
remember anything else until I woke up in a hospital room. I had lost consciousness for several
hours.
I was kept in the hospital for 5 days while they ran a series of tests to determine why I
had passed out. It was then that I learned who my true friends were. My Minister visited me
once in the time I was there. I called all my friends to see if they could visit, but none of them
showed up. In the mean time my parents told me that they had found the pot I had in my jeans.
I was upset about losing that pot.
I called June, a girl that I was taking a liking to. She was a track star on the school
team. In fact she later broke the Ohio state record for the women’s 400 dash. She had pretty
green eyes and shoulder length brown hair. I thought she was the prettiest girl ever. She
showed up just about every day. I asked her out on a date and she said yes. I was the happiest
I had ever been since doing drugs. The doctors were not able to determine why I passed out. I
left the hospital a little concerned. I knew that drugs were part of the reason I passed out.
But that didn’t keep me from getting high. I returned to school and got right back into
the drugs again. No one really said anything to me about my stay in the hospital. But I could
hear people talking behind my back. June would try to get me to quit, she was concerned about
the amount of drugs I was doing. But I didn’t want to quit.
I lost my job at the steak house but I really didn’t care. As long as I could get my hands
on drugs, I was fine. I continued to steal money from my family in order to support my habit. I
even broke into a friend’s house one night, and took money from his brother’s room. I was
almost caught in the house when everyone came home while I was still there. The terror I felt as
I jumped the fence can’t be put into words. An arrest was the last thing I wanted.

Penny, a girl I had often skipped school with was getting married. I took my first drink
at her wedding reception. I discovered I had a low tolerance for alcohol. I got sick most of the
time. I didn’t even like the taste, but I liked the buzz it gave me. I didn’t drink everyday for a
while. I still preferred pot to anything else.
On the last day of school I got really messed up. I smoked pot, drank alcohol, smoked
hash, dropped speed, and LS D, huffed Nitrous Oxide, and Rush. I had never been as high as I
got that day. During my graduation ceremony I got drunk and high before arriving at the
ceremony and huffed Rush during the actual ceremony itself. I was truly a mess that day. I
remember feeling scared to even go up to other classmates and say goodbye. I never had many
friends and thought people didn’t like me very much. I was lonely and I just wanted to leave.
After graduation I got a job working in a warehouse. I also started attending college. I
was going for an Associates degree in Communications. After office hours at the warehouse my
boss would allow me and some of the other employees to stay late on the clock and drink as
much beer as we wanted. I can’t tell you how many times I drove my car drunk. I am surprised
that I was not arrested that year.
I was eventually fired from the warehouse. I got a job working in a body shop washing
cars. One of my responsibilities was to clean the interior of the cars including the ashtrays. I
found pot in a lot of cars this way. I also found other drugs in glove boxes. I stole everything I
found, figuring no one would ever complain about it to my boss. I was really surprised how many
drugs I found. I found a film canister with 20 hits of Speed, & several bags of pot. I almost
always had something to get high with while I worked there. I was drinking more and at one
point I was taking up to seven hits of speed at once. Less than a week later my mom found the
speed I had hidden in my room. There were only three hits left.
My best druggie friend, Thomas, who was still in school for another year had gotten
kicked out of his house for using drugs. He resorted to living in the woods in a nearby
neighborhood. I felt obligated to help him out in anyway I could. I remember the first time I
saw him, he had a make shift bed made out of plywood, a small area was cleared for making a
fire and a dishwasher rack was used as a grill. He was sitting on a cinder block; he had a plastic
bag with some white stuff in it. I was naive and really thought he had developed a respiratory
problem being out in the cold and wet weather. I figured the white stuff in the baggie was a
prescription drug for his problem. What he really doing was huffing glue. He showed me how to
do it. The buzz was fantastic, but I started having some dangerous reactions to it. I would pass
out and would wake up crying like I had never cried before. I started huffing glue every chance I
got. It got to the point that I would walk down the street with the bag over my mouth and nose
and huff it in broad daylight. I didn’t care who knew. This drug nearly killed me. One night I
was alone in a park down the street from my house. The park was closed and no one was
around. I started huffing the glue. As I was getting high, I started hallucinating. I saw a man
on a 10-speed bike coming at me. As he went by me, he hit me in the face. I fell and lost
consciousness. I woke up crying. I believe that when I came out of my high from huffing in this
manner, I had really stopped breathing. Crying is a way for the lungs to get stimulated and
breathing to start again. Much like a newborn needs to cry after it is born to start breathing on
its own. This was by far the most dangerous drug I ever did. I quit huffing after this, the fourth
incident.
After the first semester of College was over, I dropped out because I failed accounting. I
became discouraged and gave up on furthering my education.

One night Thomas and I were driving along SR 34 in Batavian, Ohio. I had smoked a lot
of pot and had a few beers. I passed a State Trooper, and he pulled me over. I was a little more
than nervous. I was terrified. The Officer believed I was driving under the influence. He gave
Thomas & I a roadside sobriety test. We both failed. The Officer’s words caused my heart to
drop. “Well, your friend is too drunk to drive, and you’re under arrest.” I had never been
arrested before and I was scared. How was I going to tell my parents about this I was taken to
the Post and given a Breathalyzer test. I blew below legal drunk but was charged with reckless
operation. I didn’t have a choice but to eventually tell my parents what had happened. They
were very upset and disappointed in me. I felt ashamed. I lost my driver’s license for 3 months
and had to pay a $100.00 fine. Once I returned to work, the State Trooper would stop by work
and check on me. I hated that.
One night my parents wanted me to go to a movie with them and my sister. I didn’t
want to go. I had an opportunity to buy more pot and so I faked being sick. After my family
left, I got in my car and went to Penny’s house and bought a bag of marijuana. I smoke some of
it and returned home. A few hours later my parents came home. I could tell they were upset.
They insisted on searching my room. They knew exactly what they were looking for. I had
hidden the bag of pot in an old box that my grandfathers use to own. My parents found the box
and told me to open it. At first I resisted and said no. But after a while I knew my parents
weren’t in the mood for any back talk. I finally consented and opened the box. They took the
bag of pot and the pipe I had recently bought. My parents were very upset, especially my mom.
I wasn’t sure what they were going to do. My parents called of friend of theirs that was a retired
police officer and was currently working as a police officer at a local college. When they got off
the phone with him, they took me over to his house. I was scared that he would arrest me and
have me prosecuted for possession. But when I got there, he took me into his basement and
started lecturing me. I despise being lectured to. He got out this pad of paper and started taking
notes on what I was saying. I got angry because I thought he was trying to act like some kind of
psychologist. That really irritated me even more. It reminded me of the times I was taken to
counselors before. I hated it.
I met Denise in October 1981. She was only fifteen and also attended Anderson Heights.
She had brown hair, brown eyes and a beautiful smile. We got along real well. My parents
seemed to like her too. She and I got high and drunk together often. She was a rebel of a child
and had conflicts with her parents. It was rough for a while.
I was fired from the body shop and my supply of drugs stopped. I resorted to drinking
since it was readily available. I drank daily from that day on. I would wake up at 6:30am, go to
the store, buy two six packs of beer, place them in the cooler and would be drunk by 7:30am. I
drank until 2:00pm. I would pick up Denise from high school and hung out with her drinking
more beer and smoked pot if she was able to get some at school. I dropped her off at home at
5:00pm. Most of the time I would buy more beer and drink until I got home at 10pm. The next
day I would do it all over again.
On the weekends, Denise and I would go out together. One night we went to see a
movie in a nearby village. We got drunk on the way to the theater. After the movie we resumed
our drinking. I was taking her home when I ran a stop sign. Suddenly I saw flashing blue lights in
my rearview mirror. I stashed the bottles of beer under the seat. Denise was terrified! I tried to
pretend like everything was okay. But inside I was scared. How was I going to explain this to
her parents if I got arrested for DUI How was I going to explain this to MY parents The Police
Officer told me why I was being pulled over and asked for my license. I gave it to him, and he
returned to his cruiser. Denise and I tried to calm each other down. I was getting ready to be
given a roadside sobriety test. About five minutes later the Officer returned, gave me my license
back and told me to be more careful. I was shocked! I got away clean, not even a warning
ticket. I was sure he could smell the alcohol in the car. But I wasn’t going to argue with him.
We got out of that village quick.

Another night Denise wanted to run away to Tennessee. I knew that my taking her over
state lines could get me in a lot of trouble. She and I went to the local park, smoked pot, drank
beer, and made out. When the park closed, I took her to another spot where we continued to
make out. I got an idea to call a friend and see if we could stay in his trailer he had parked in his
back yard. Denise and I wanted to have sex. I drove to a convenient store and tried to call him.
I got a busy signal several times. I got back in the car and was planning on waiting for a while.
About five minutes later, my dad pulled up along side me in the parking lot. I was mad. Denise
got pissed and was convinced that I had called my parents and told them where we were. Her
parents were called and they met us at my house. Her parents, while upset because they didn’t
know where she was, were nonetheless relieved that she was okay and that I had taken care of
her.
One night, my mom called me into her bedroom. She was watching a television special.
It was about a drug rehab in St. Petersburg, Florida called Straight, Inc. The camera cut to a shot
of the front row. There was Cathie, a girl I had gone to church with for years. I was a little
disturbed by the content and didn’t stay in there long enough to see the rest of the program.
A few nights later, while smoking in the garage, I saw my mom talking in the car with
Cathie’s mom. They were in the car for well over an hour that night. I didn’t think anything of it.
Perhaps I should have.

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab.
I Was Tricked
Denise and I got engaged. Although I didn’t have a job, I gave her no engagement ring
and we never set a date. She had said yes and that was good enough for me. I wasn’t sure how
her parents were going to take it. I was relived to learn that they were thrilled. My parents on
the other hand, weren’t sure. They wanted to know how I was going to support her. I didn’t
have an answer.
In the mean time Denise went away to Iowa with her parents for one final family
vacation. She would be gone for two weeks. Denise gave me her house key and told me to write
letters to her while she was gone and put them on her desk in her room. I promised I would
write her everyday.
On the fourth day, I drove my car up to the front of Denise’s house. I unlocked the front
door and let myself in. The house was quiet. I walked up stairs and made my way to her room.
Her room was immaculately clean. There on her desk were the other three letters I had left
before. I took the letter I had written out of my pocket and left it on top of the others. Then, I
took the house key out of my pocket and placed it on top of the letters.
I walked back downstairs and made my way across the living room to the piano. I sat
down and played “ One day we’ll make it to the top” a song I had written to Denise earlier that
month. After I finished playing, I got up from the piano and walked toward the front door. I
walked in front of a mirror that was hanging in the middle of the living room. I saw my own
reflection. I was pale, skinny, and my eyes were glazed over. I was scared of what I saw in the
mirror. I got to the front door and opened it, made sure it was locked before shutting it behind
me.
I got back to my car and turned around. I took one final look at the house. Dozens of
memories flashed in my mind or her and I together and the only real happiness I felt being with
her. I really missed her and couldn’t wait to see her again.
I got in my car and drove away. Never knowing exactly why I had left the house key in
her room, when she was going to be gone for at least another week.
I had spent the day drinking as usual. I drove home later than evening. I arrived and
went inside. My dad approached me and asked if I would like to take a trip to Florida with them.
Without hesitation, I excitedly accepted my parent’s invitation. Finally, a break from the
mundane life I was living, I thought.
The next morning my parents and I were getting ready to leave for the airport. My sister
wanted to give me a hug good-bye. I really didn’t want to, but I went ahead and hugged her
good-bye anyway.
Our flight to St. Petersburg was uneventful. We landed and got a rental car. On the way
to the hotel I had a thought. Denise was not in Iowa; I was convinced she was here in Florida.
My parents and her parents had gotten together and decided to surprise us with a party
celebrating our engagement. I didn’t say anything to my parents. I didn’t want to ruin the
surprise.
I approached the door to the hotel room and opened it certain that Denise and her
parents were inside just waiting. Words cannot describe how my heart absolutely sank when I
opened the door to an empty hotel room. I turned around and asked my mother “Alright, what’s
going on” “We’re taking you to Straight” she said.

I couldn’t believe what I heard. I begged them not to do this. I tried in vain to convince
them that I could get off drugs on my own. But my parents stood firm. We were at least going
to attend an Open Meeting. If I still thought I could do this on my own we would discuss it then.
I was mad at my parents because they tricked me into coming down here. Ashamed that my
lifestyle had brought me to this place in life and scared about what would happen over the next
twenty- four hours, I cried myself to sleep that night.

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab
Pre-Intake- November 27, 1981
Since I was over the age of eighteen, I was required to attend an Open Meeting prior to
signing myself into the program.
My parents and I arrived at the Straight building at around 5:30PM. I am not one for
large crowds, and this lobby was packed to capacity. People were hugging each other, some
were crying, some were happy, and some looked exhausted. I looked for Cathie’s mom who had
talked to my mom in the driveway a few days ago. I couldn’t find her. After a while my parents
and I were led in to the main auditorium. We were seated near the rear of the room.
Up front was a large group of people. Girls on the left side, guys on the right side.
Between the groups were two people sitting on stools. They were singing song like “You can be
Straight”, “Oh, what a beautiful morning” and “Up, up with people”. There must have been close
to 350 people sitting up there.
To my left I noticed several signs on the wall. These I later learned were the 7 steps of
the program. I thought they were interesting but I really didn’t understand what the words
meant.
The group up front sang a song called “I am Straight” sung to the tune of “I am
woman.” Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw a man making his way to the front of the
group. He was an older man with a gray mustache and beard. He introduced himself as Dr.
Newman. He was the program Director. He welcomed everyone to the meeting. He spoke with
a confidence I had seldom heard before. As he spoke, he talked about hope, and how change
was possible here. He mesmerized me. He was the kind of person I could listen to for hours on
end. When he was finished, he turned to the group of clients and said “Love ya group.” The
group responded in unison “Love you Dr. Newman.”
He handed the microphone to one of the Staff members. She welcomed everyone to
the Open Meeting and then turned to the girl’s side of group and asked, “What girls earned
“Talk” Several of the girls stood up. Everyone clapped. Then the Staff member asked, “What
girls earned “Talk and Responsibilities” Other girls stood up. Again, everyone clapped. The mic
was passed to the other Staff member and the same questions were asked of the guy’s side of
Group.
At this point the Staff Member explained that we were going to hear from the
Newcomers that had been here from 3-14 days. We were asked to listen closely to what they
had to say. This was an important part of their program. The mic was passed to the end of the
front row. Each Newcomer introduced themselves by telling everyone their first name, age, the
drugs they have done, how long they did them, if they thought they were a druggie, and how
long they had been in the program. After that they started talking about the drugs they used,
how their family relationships were, their druggie friends, school, and trouble with the law.
The stories they told were amazing, in fact they were telling MY story. I found myself
wanting to cry at times, because I knew what they were talking about. I knew the pain they felt.
They talked about the drugs they did and how it affected their lives. They talked about the times
they overdosed. Some talked about nearly dying because of these drugs. They talked about the
loneliness they felt because of the way they were treated by their druggie friends. They talked
about how they had isolated themselves from their families because they were ashamed of their
drug problem and how the drugs had become more important to them then their family. T hey
talked about the fear they felt when they found themselves in trouble with the law. They talked
about stealing from their family and others to help support their habit. They talked about
skipping school so they could go out and get high. After they talked about their past, they talked
about how they felt about being in the program. Most seemed to be happy and proud of their
accomplishment in staying straight, even if it was only a few days. They then set goals, things
they wanted to accomplish in the next few days.

There must have been at least 20 or more people that introduced themselves. By the
end of all the introductions, my throat was very sore from holding back the tears of sadness I
felt.
Next, there were two other people that had been in the program for a while that
introduced themselves. They talked about their past too, but what made their introductions
different was the way the talked about their present. They talked about how their family has
been closer than ever before. They talked about the quality of their newfound friends. They
talked about how well they were now doing in school. They talked about how good they felt
because they were dealing with their drug problem honestly. It was quite inspiring to hear them
talk the way they were.
After their introductions some parents introduced themselves. They talked about what it
was like to have a druggie child living in their home. The isolation, the lying, the stealing and
how the family was torn apart because of the drug problem. They would talk about how they
would have to bail their child out of jail after being arrested. The pain and anguish was
sometimes unbearable. But then they talked about the closeness that the family is experiencing
now that their child is off drugs. They talked about the pride they feel when they look at their
child today. After they finished their introduction their child made their way out of the group and
gave their parents a hug. It was emotional for me to see this. I hadn’t given a genuine hug to
my parents in so long.
I had thought I had seen more than I wanted to see, but it wasn’t over yet. One of the
Staff Members announced that it was time for the parents to talk to their kids. I couldn’t believe
what I just heard. There were well over 600 parents in this room and I didn’t want to think
about how much longer we were going to be here. I started getting a little agitated.
The mic was given to one of the parents on the front row and was passed from there.
For the most part the parents merely said, “Love you” to their child. From deep within the group
you could hear the response back “Love ya Mom, Love ya Dad.” But it wouldn’t be long before a
couple would stand up. A child in the group would stand and listen. The parents talked to their
child about how they felt about them being here. A lot of times the parents would let them know
that they were glad they were here and would give them encouragement. One message that
seemed to be repeated was even though they loved their child very much, they weren’t coming
back home unless they were straight.
Every now and then a couple would stand to talk to their child and out of nowhere a
shout from the group said, “Coming home!” Everyone in the auditorium would applaud. It was
deafening. Seconds later the child could be seen making their way out of the group and then run
across the room to their parents. They would hug for a long while. I couldn’t hold back. I was
so overwhelmed with happiness for the family I started crying. After the child got back to where
they were sitting, the parents would talk to them about how proud they were that they were
finally coming home. They looked forward to starting the healing process within the family. This
happened several times during the course of the night. Sometimes when a parent would tell
their child “Love you”, the child would yell out “Third Phase” or “Fourth Phase”. Again, there was
the deafening eruption of applause. The parents would take a few moments to talk to them
about their progress and how proud they were of them.

About an hour later, someone came up to my parents and I and escorted us out of the
auditorium. I was relieved. “Finally, I get to leave this place.” Was I ever wrong. I was taken
to a very small room. It was carpeted, measure about 10 X 10, only one door, and no windows.
In the corner of this room was one chair. I was asked to sit down. I complied. Two guys came
in and introduced themselves. I was polite and shook their hands. They brought in two other
chairs and sat down in front of the door. I felt trapped, no… I was trapped. I was asked about
what drugs I did. I told them everything. I held nothing back. But when I was asked if I
thought I had a drug problem, I lied and told them I had it under control and could quit any time
I wanted. They asked me if I had ever stolen from my family to get money for drugs. I told
them I had. They asked me how I got along with my family. I told them I thought we got along
okay. They asked me how I did in school. I told them I was a poor student before and after
doing drugs. They asked me if I had ever been in trouble with the law. I told them about the
time I was arrested for reckless operation. They asked me if I thought my friends were decent. I
told them that I thought some were all right, but others weren’t very good for me. They asked
me if I had ever skipped school or called off from work to get high. I told them that I skipped
school to get high, but I didn’t call off from work. They asked me where I worked. I told them I
was unemployed. I was beginning to feel embarrassed to answer the questions because I knew
where this was headed. They asked me why I wasn’t working. I told them I didn’t want to
work. They asked me if I would rather get high than find a job. I told them I would. Then I
was asked again, if I thought I had a drug problem. I hesitated. Then said “maybe”.
On a pretty consistent basis this one kid would stick his head into the room and ask if I
was going to sign into the program. I don’t remember what my response was, but this guy didn’t
give up. He must have asked me a half a dozen times if I was going to come into the program.
He started getting on my nerves. He seemed almost giddy with happiness. I was a little jealous
because I didn’t feel happy at all. I remember at one point I wanted to go outside and smoke a
cigarette. One of the guys left the room to check if I was allowed to leave. He came back and
told me I couldn’t leave yet. I told him that I wasn’t going anywhere but outside and I would
come back in after I was done. He still said no. I was pissed now. I started yelling at them and
told them they couldn’t stop me from going outside to smoke. I was, after all, an adult. I stood
up to leave, but the two guys got up and blocked the door. Being a skinny, 135-pound guy with
no fighting ability, I was intimidated by them and sat back down. I was still very mad about this
situation. I was a caged animal! A different group of guys came in and sat down. They asked me
the same questions that the first set of guys had asked. I told them I already answered their
questions and now I wanted to leave. I was told that my parents were in a meeting with other
parents and I couldn’t leave until they were dismissed. I told them that was fine, I could meet
them out in the parking lot. They still told me I wasn’t going anywhere. I was mad. Over the
course of the next several hours I was repeatedly asked about my drug problem, my family
relationship, my friends, my job situation and my druggie girlfriend. That same guy constantly
asked me if I was going to sign in. I repeatedly answered their questions, but let them know that
I was ready to leave and would talk about this in the morning, I was exhausted. I was finally
allowed to leave the room between 3:30 and 4:00AM.
I met my parents in the parking, got in the car and lit up my first cigarette in nearly 12
hours. They asked me what I thought of the program. I told them that I thought it was okay
but I didn’t think I needed to be there. I begged my parents to reconsider and let me go home
with them. I tried to convince them that I could take the steps down off the wall, take them
home, and get straight on my own. But it didn’t matter what I said. My parents weren’t going to
take me home. It was at this point that reality hit me. There were only two round trip tickets in
the car and mine wasn’t one of them. I went to bed depressed and scared of what tomorrow
was going to have in store for me.

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab
Intake-November 28, 1981
I returned to Straight, Inc. the next morning at about 9:00AM. I was still exhausted
from the events of the night before and wasn’t happy to be making a return trip here. As we
pulled in front of the building I noticed bars on the windows. They were decorative but bars
nonetheless.
I was led to a room where my Intake was to take place. I wasn’t in an Intake room like
last night, but it looked to be a storage room. Hundreds of chairs were kept here for Open
Meeting nights. For the next couple of hours I was asked about my drug use. Again, I admitted
to all the drugs I ever did. But when I was asked if I thought I needed to be there, I said “no”.
I was almost convinced that I would be leaving the building without signing in. When
suddenly the door opened. There he was, Dr. Newman stuck his head inside and began yelling
at me about how I had treated my family. The confrontation didn’t last more than ten seconds
or so and when he slammed the door closed, I was stunned. I broke down and began crying.
The Oldcomers asked why I was crying. I told them that everything that he just said was
absolutely true. In moments I agreed to sign myself in.
The next thing I remember I was in other room and I had just signed the paperwork
making me a Client in the program. The Oldcomer told me that I had made the right decision. I
was scared to death of what would happen next.
I got up to go with them for my strip search. An Oldcomer reached behind me and
grabbed my belt loop. I went to swing at him and was sternly told to relax. It was explained to
me at that point that this was the manner in which I would be led around until I made second
phase. I began regretting signing my self in.
I was led to the bathroom where I was told to strip. Although I understood why the strip
search had to be done, it was a humiliating experience. After the strip search was over I was led
out to the group.
I remember walking along the wall toward the St. Petersburg group. The Staff member
asked if I was from Cincinnati. I nodded yes. We continued along the wall until we came to a
door on my left. We entered the room. Inside, was a smaller group set up the same way as the
larger St. Pete group. Guys on one side, girls on the other. I was stopped, just inside the room.
One of the Staff members allowed a person who was talking to finish what she was talking
about. Afterward, the Staff member told the group to “Listen Up.” The person standing behind
me introduced me. “This is Don, he is twenty, and he’s done pot, alcohol, hash, uppers,
downers, cocaine, LSD, tye stick and glue. He has done these drugs over a period of five years.
He says he doesn’t want to be here, but knows he needs to be.” The Group remained silent. At
this point the Staff Member asked, “Does anyone know Don” I saw a hand go up and there she
was, Cathie. We didn’t do drugs together, but because we knew each other, I was told that
talking to her was prohibited. Next, the Staff Member asked if anyone had anything to say to
me. “Here it comes”, I thought. I am going to get yelled at. I was going to be told that I really
had a drug problem and needed to be here.” Instead I heard the group yell in unison, “Hi Don,
Love ya Don.” I was stunned. I was led to a chair on the front row. As I was walking, I made
eye contact with another client sitting in the third row. His name was Dean. His eyes glared at
me as though he was mad at me. I was scared. “Why was he so mad at me” I thought. I sat
down and tried to take it all in. I briefly glanced back at Dean again to see if there was a way I
could find out why he seemed so angry with me. Again, his eyes glared at me and motioned me
to turn around. I sat there, scared, confused, and thinking that perhaps I had made the biggest
mistake of my life. My thoughts turned to my family. “Had they abandoned me”

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab
Terminology & Slang
The Language of Straight
In order to fully understand what happened behind the doors of Straight one must learn
the slang and terminology used by the Staff and Clients. We had our own language if you will.
The following are many of the terms and slang used.
5 th Phaser- an Oldcomer on the last active phase of the program. A 5 th Phaser stands on the
side of Group overseeing the other clients in the Program. Takes requests from clients and
passes those to a Staff Trainee. A 5 th Phaser is responsible for seating each client in the
appropriate row of the Group.
7 th Step – to graduate the program
7 th Stepped- The phrase used by the Director to let the person and everyone at the Open
Meeting know that a client has graduated the program. “Congratulations, you’re 7 th Stepped.”
7 th Stepper- a person who has graduated the program
7 th Step Officer- a 7 th Stepper who leads the weekly 7 th Step Raps. They are elected by
majority vote by the other 7 th Steppers. They carry a 6-month term.
7 th Step Society- the group of 7 th Steppers. This organization consists of Officers who lead the
weekly raps. 7 th Steppers who have been out of the program for 6 months or more and those
who are still in after-care under 6 months.
Awareness- Being able to tell if something isn’t quite right about a client or if the client is doing
okay. Seeing an opportunity to help a client out because they’ve gone through a similar situation
and acting on it.
Be lt looping-to hold on to a Newcomer by his/her rear belt loop. Used to prevent a Newcomer
from escaping.
Books- these are the books that are used by Staff during the Homes Rap each Monday and
Friday mornings. The reading of the Books is done just before the start of Open Meetings. The
Staff in a ceremonial manner exits the Staff Offices and line up in front of the entire Group. Most
Staff members have a book or folder in their hand. At this time all Phase changes and requests
for Talk, and Talk and Responsibilities are revealed. If a client earns Talk or T & R, the group
responds in unison with three short claps. If the client earns Home or 2 nd Phase the Group
responds in applause. The same response is given if someone makes 3 rd or 4 th Phase.
Promotions to 5 th Phase are held until the Program Director makes the announcement during the
first part of the Open Meeting.
Carving or to Carve- The intentional cutting of one’s arms or other body parts. A form of selfmutilation.
A client will usually carve using their fingernails and literally cut the skin. Some
carvings include names, initials, symbols or pictures. It is not fully understood why a client may
carve. Perhaps it is an emotional outlet. Not all clients engage in this activity. Staff would never
reveal to a parent that their child is carving.

Chain of Command-The process by which questions & concerns are reported, requested, or
answered. In most in Group cases the Chain of Command starts with a 5 th Phaser. From there
the Chain of Command goes to Staff Trainee, Junior Staff, Senior Staff, Group Staff Supervisor,
Program Coordinator, Assistant Director, Director. The small pieces of paper that a 5 th Phaser
writes the requests on, usually from a hand held pad of paper, is also referred to as a Chain of
Command. The Chain of Command is strictly enforced and severe disciplinary action can be taken
against anyone who intentionally breaks the Chain of Command or who fails to pass a Chain of
Command along to the next level.
Clicking or to Click- a silent form of communication between two people usually Newcomers.
Can be a form of flirting between a guy and a girl. Some Clicking can result in a planned massive
Cop-Out attempt in Group. (1-2-3 …RUN!)
Confrontation- Verbal assaults from the Group of clients focused on one Client. Yelling,
screaming, cursing and name-calling are all part of the confrontation. This is usually done when a
client is not conforming to the rules, policies and procedures of the program. Confrontations are
led and monitored by at least one Senior Staff or two Junior Staff members.
Cop-Out or Copped Out- to leave the program without authorization. Some Cop-Outs are
elaborate when an escape from the grasp of an Oldcomer is accomplished. Other Cop-Outs
occurred from the Foster Home out of a window. Other Cop-Outs take place from cars stopped at
a red light. Other Cop-outs take place from school or work on higher phases. Oldcomers have
been seriously injured in some of these Cop-Outs.
Another definition of Cop Out is not taking responsibility for one’s actions or blaming others for
their problems.
Crocodile tears- pretending to cry forcing out tears to convince the Group and Staff that one
was getting in touch with feelings about the past or present situation when they really aren’t.
Days Froze n- a disciplinary action from Staff. A client is not able to progress on his/her
program. In some cases a Newcomer may be frozen on day 13 and therefore cannot put in for a
request until day 14. This could take weeks before day 14 would be acknowledged. In other
cases a client may be frozen in order to keep the number of days on a phase low to prevent a
client from being Started Over.
Druggie- the term to describe a Chemically Dependent client. Similar to someone admitting
he/she is an Alcoholic.
Druggie Music- Music, typically rock and roll, which promotes or encourages drug use. Any
music that makes the client uncomfortable.
Druggie Slang- words such as cool, dude, man, bomb, etc. Using these words was prohibited.
A client was expected to learn a new set of slang in Straight.
Druggie Tie- Any item or property that reminds one of their drug using past. Pictures, concert
T-shirts, record or tape albums etc. is considered a Druggie Tie and must be thrown away.
Dry Druggie-A person who although maybe off drugs, still has the attitude of a druggie.
Displays of anger, disregard for rules or other peoples feelings, hanging out with druggie friends,
going to places where alcohol is served etc.

Executive Rap- Raps that are led by two Executive Staff members each Monday and Friday
before the Open Meeting. This is the only time Executive Staff are seen during most of a client’s
time in the program.
Eye Games- most likely played between a client and their parents. Puppy dog eyes. Looking
sad, or angry because they’re in the program. Trying to make the parents feel guilty and perhaps
pull them out of the program.
FOS- Full of Shit. Not being honest.
Foster Brother/Sister- An out of town client (Oldcomer) living with a client (Oldcomer) that
lives near the treatment area is considered Foster Brothers/Sisters.
Foster Home- A home where Newcomers or out of town Oldcomers live when not at the
building.
Foster Parents- Parents who have a child in the program that is responsible for providing a
place for a Newcomer or an out of town client to live.
Gamey- To flirt.
Group Staff Supervisor- Full time Staff member that is responsible to supervise the Group
Staff (Senior & Junior Staff) is a graduate or 7 th Stepper.
Head Games- self doubt. Assuming the worst in situations. Feeling guilty for having “bad
thoughts.”
Heavies- Bad or shocking news. Parents were prohibited from mentioning these types of things
to their children during Mic Talk. Examples of this are death of a family member or pet. Clients
were prohibited from mentioning these type of things during their 5-minute talk. Examples would
be “I raped someone” or “I was restrained for three hours yesterday”
In your head- Daydreaming.
Inta ke- The process by which a client is enrolled into the program.
Intake Room- A small 10 X 10 room where an Intake in conducted. The room that multiple
clients meet in in the morning before being escorted to the Group Room.
Introduction: Performed during Open Meetings all Newcomers in the program from 3-14 days
must stand up and tell the Group and Parents their first name, age, the drugs they’ve done, how
long they did drugs, admit they are a “druggie” and how long they have been straight. From
there they talk about specific incidents from their past including drugs, family problems, druggie
friendships, school or work issues and trouble they’ve had with the law. They must then set two
short-term goals (something that can be accomplished in 24 hours or less) and one long-term
goal. (Something that can be accomplished in 6 months or less) Oldcomers, usually 5 th Phasers
also do Oldcomer Introductions that cover the same areas but more emphasis is placed on how
much better they are doing since being straight for so long.
Junior Staff- A full time Staff member who leads raps for the group. Junior Staff members are
graduates or 7 th Steppers of the program.

Laying your crap out on the Group- whining and complaining about something without
setting goals to change it. Feeling sorry for one’s self.
Mic Ta lk- the time when parents talk to their child(ren) from across the room during Open
Meeting. A microphone was past from parent to parent so the clients and everyone else in the
Open Meeting could hear what was being said. The client is expected to stand and listen. A client
cannot say anything until the parent is finished and only then can the client say, “I love you.”
Misbehaving- To fight with other clients in Group. Refusing to motivate during raps or
disobeying the program rules.
Misbe havior- A client who fights with other clients in Group or who refuses to get involved in
raps or follow program rules.
Mot ivate or Motivat ing- to flail ones arms rapidly up and down in order to get called on during
a rap session. Clients could get so motivated that they would bounce up and down in their chairs.
5 th Phasers would flail their arms and jump up and down at the same time.
Ne wcomer- A client on the first phase of the program.
No- No’s- Items that a Newcomer is not allowed to have. For example, deodorant with S D
alcohol, belts, shirts with pictures or writing, boots, jewelry, books, magazines, anything else
Staff deems off limits to a Newcomer.
Oldcomer- A client on 2 nd Phase or higher.
Open Meeting- Meetings held on each Monday and Friday night. Allowing Newcomers to do
Introductions & parents to talk with their children. Phase changes and graduations take place
during these meetings.
Open Meeting Review- The time immediately following the Open Meeting. Staff and Group
members critique newcomer introductions. Other confrontations take place during this session.
The most confrontive sessions held at Straight.
Pat- to relate in group but without specifics or not sharing feelings. Generalized talking.
Phaser- a client in the program.
Phoner- a 4 th or 5 th Phase client that answers the phone in the front lobby. Is responsible for
writing messages down and passing them onto the Runner.
Pull myself- a client 18 years of age or older withdraws from the program.

Rap- a session usually lasting 2 hours. 1 or 2 Staff members lead the raps. Raps usually consist
of three parts. Past, Present and Future. These raps are designed to help clients talk about their
drug problem and get help in overcoming it. There are several different type of Raps. Basic Rap
discuss the Steps, 3 Signs, 5 Criteria, or Serenity Prayer in great detail to help the client
understand what it means and how it can be applied to their individual lives. Homes Rap is
conducted on each Monday and Friday morning. Newcomers can request Talk, Talk and
Responsibilities or Home. Oldcomers can put in for promotion to 3 rd , 4 th or 5 th Phase. Morning
Rap deals primarily with a clients past. Afternoon Rap deals primarily with a clients Present. The
most confrontive rap of the day. Evening Rap deals primarily with the client’s future. The least
confrontive of raps in a day. Rules Rap deals with specific rules of the program. 4 th & 5 th Phase
Raps discuss issues that are prevalent to the phase.
Refresher- a disciplinary action given to 7 th Steppers. They are placed back in Group for a
period of time to deal with a situation that may have cause a client to nearly relapse. Some 7 th
Steppers are placed on Behind Group Refreshers, which require a 7 th Stepper to attend a set
number of evening raps. They stand behind the Group and are expected to talk about the
situation that caused them to be placed on the refresher.
Re late- To talk about a specific incident during a Rap. To talk to another client in Group to let
them know they understand what they are feeling or experiencing. (I can relate to that)
Respons ibilit ies- Various chores that are done by Oldcomers throughout the day. Mopping,
sweeping the carpets, cleaning the bathrooms, Runner, standing at a door, taking out the trash,
Kitchen duty, etc.
Rocking Out- To play a chair or anything else like a drum. To play the air-guitar. It also meant
to listen to music in your head like the song from a favorite rock band. This was a distraction for
anyone around.
Runner- is a client who takes messages throughout the building to Staff members. A 2nd or 3rd
Phaser usually does this task. Is the only person that can go directly to another Staff Member
without following the Chain of Command. They can leave the Group room without Staff approval.
Senior Staff- a full time Staff member who leads raps, and supervises the Junior Staff. Senior
Staff are more involved in dealing with the parents and disciplines the client when deemed
necessary.
Set Back- when a client is moved back from one phase to another. For example a 3 rd Phaser
may be set back to second phase allowing them to be taken out of school.
Sponge- to take from the Group without giving back. It is believed that one should give back to
the Group in the form of helping one another. Not doing so is thought of as selfish.
Staff Trainee-full time Staff member in training. Can be a 5 th Phaser or 7 th Stepper. Oversees
the 5 th Phasers and is learning skills necessary to become a Junior Staff member after they 7 th
Step the program.
Start Over or Started Over- Client is put back to day one and starts his/her program all over
again. This can be done from any phase. Most reasons for Start Over’s are copping out or
relapse.

Stash- Drugs, drug paraphernalia, weapons, stolen property that are still at a clients home.
These must be reported and the parents must locate and remove them from the house before
the client comes home.
T & R- Talk and Responsibilities. A Newcomer earns this when they are cooperating in Group
throughout the week. It allows a client to have a 5-minute talk with their parents after an Open
Meeting as well as being led around the Group room by a hand placed on the shoulder instead of
being led around by the Belt loop. However, once a client leaves the Group room, Oldcomers
were required to once again grab onto their belt loop.
Ta lk- a privilege earned by a Newcomer. Allows the client to talk to their parents for 5-minutes
after an Open Meeting. These talks are limited to making direct amends for past actions and
behaviors.
TBB- Talking Behind Backs- a practice strictly prohibited.
Time Out Room- A small 5X5 room in the back of Group Room. It is soundproof. Most of the
time is used for loud and out of control misbehaviors.

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab.
The Rules of the Program
Straight, Inc. was notorious for the long list of rules that were strictly enforced not only
by the Staff but the clients as well. Each client is given a complete list of these rules and was
expected to memorize each rule and be able to explain why the rule is there and what it means
to the client. A client who broke a rule no matter how trivial it may seem could expect strong
and relentless confrontation by the Group and in some cases harsh disciplinary action by the
Staff.
To enforce the importance of the rules, a Rules Rap was held for 30 minutes each and
everyday. The following is a list of most of the rules along with a brief explanation.
1) The first and most important rule is HONESTY- Honesty in Straight meant more
than just telling the truth. It went much deeper than that. When relating to an
incident in Group a client was to not just talk about the incident but to also share
how that incident made the client feel. For example when a client would talk about
stealing money in order to support their drug habit, the client also had to talk about
how stealing the money made them feel. Guilty, scared of getting caught, shame etc.
When a client was asked how they were doing, it was no longer acceptable to just
say “fine”. A client was expected to talk about specific changes they were making in
their lives and share their feelings.
2) Empathy a nd Se ns itiv ity- it was important to be sensitive to the feelings of
others. It was equally important to be able to empathize with one another. To
actually “feel” what the other is experiencing. This was to help the client come to
terms with his/her own feelings about the past and help others who are experiencing
what you may have already gone through.
3) Confide ntia lity- in every Open Meeting the Director told everyone there, “what is
seen here, heard here, and done here stays here.” Complete and utter confidentially
was thought to be of critical importance for each client. Each client knows that what
ever he or she talks about won’t be discussed with anyone else…ever.
4) No talking behind backs- or no TBB, as it was known. This rule was here for
simple common courtesy. No one could talk about anyone else without them being
there to defend themselves if needed. This rule also kept a client focused on
thinking and talking about themselves.
5) Never turn your back on your Newcomer- Doing so could give a Newcomer a
chance to escape and leave the program or harm the Oldcomer or themselves.
6) Knock on all doors before entering- another common courtesy. Knocking on a
door prevents someone from walking in on a private conversation.
7) Eat a ll food on your plate- no matter how badly the food tasted everything must
be eaten. Clients were force feed if they refused to eat.
8) Always talk about yourself whe n relat ing- to talk about someone else or to
even say the words, “you”, “them”, or “they” was unacceptable. Everything
discussed with the Group or with anyone else had to be stated using “I”, “myself”, or
“me”. Again the focus is strictly on the client no one else. Another aspect of this
rule was the fact that we couldn’t use name brand or common names while relating.
For instance a client couldn’t say, “I drank a Miller® beer and listened to Led
Zeppelin®.” Instead it was stated, “I drank beer while listening to rock music.”

9) Follow the Chain of Command- strictly enforced by everyone this was
unavoidable. The Chain of Command was different depending on what Phase the
client is on. All personal problems, concerns, requests or anything else must go
through the Chain of Command.
1 st Phase- me, my MI, my Oldcomer, foster family, Group, 5 th Phaser
2 nd & 3 rd Phase- Me, my MI, family, Group, 5 th Phaser
4 th Phase- me, my MI, my RSA, Family, Group, 5 th Phaser
5 th Phase- they take concerns, questions, and problems to a Staff Trainee (At this
point the client had to recite the name of each Staff member for both the guys and
girl sides of Group)
Staff Trainee’s- goes to Junior Staff
Junior Staff- goes to Senior Staff
Senior Staff- goes to Group Staff Supervisor
Group Staff Supervisor- goes to Program Coordinator & other Executive Staff
Program Coordinator- goes to Assistant Director
Assistant Director- goes to Director.
The purpose of following the Chain of Command is to allow a Client to solve
problems in a systematic manner starting with themselves and then writing an MI
about it, talking to an Oldcomer or Family, etc. Of course not everything can be
solved with an MI or Family and the Group and so the problem, question, concern is
reported to a 5 th Phaser and goes up the Chain of Command from there. For
instance if a client over the age of eighteen wanted to withdraw themselves from the
program, this request was taken directly to a 5 th Phaser.
10) Never leave the Group Room without Staff permission- Anytime anyone
needed to leave the Group room, including 7 th Steppers, he/she must go to a door.
The person wishing to leave along with the person standing at the door raises their
hand to get the Staff’s attention. Only after the Staff approves the person to leave
could the person standing at the door open it allowing them to exit. Staff Members
were the only persons allowed to let people leave the room. This allowed Staff to
know who was coming and going from the Group Room. In some cases, if the Staff
member doesn’t think the client or 7 th Stepper “looks good” they could be kept in the
Group Room until someone could talk to them and make sure they are okay. This
was to prevent a person from possibly Copping Out.
11) No Dr uggie ties- this includes picture of druggie friends, rock t-shirts, albums or
cassettes, gifts, or anything else that can be tied to a persons drug using past.
12) No druggie hangouts- any place where a client use to go to get high or hang out
with their druggie friends what strictly off limits to a client during their program.
This prevented clients from risk of contact with druggie friends.
13) Do not wear shirts with pictures or wr it ing- shirts with pictures or writing was
thought to be a distraction and kept the client from focusing on his/her programs.
Belt buckles with pictures or writing were also prohibited.
14) No druggie friends in the same Foster Home- Once a druggie friend, always a
druggie friend was the philosophy behind this rule. It was believed that if two
druggie friends lived together, they might start reminiscing about their past and
leave the program together. Druggie friends were encouraged to find other friends
until much later in their program.
15) No eye games- making eye contact with another client was prohibited. Clients
could not respond or attempt to communicate via eye games with another client.
This was thought to be a way of preparing for a cop-out attempt from the Group
Room.

16) No talking out in Group- this helped maintain order within the Group. If everyone
were allowed to talk at once, little if anything would be accomplished. This also
showed respect for the person talking at the time. A client who talked out was
silenced with a hand over the mouth to keep them quiet.
17) Pay attention to the person talking- another common courtesy. Paying attention
to a client who is talking helps them learn about other clients in the program.
18) 3 days to relate, 14 days to progress- all Newcomers were not permitted to talk
in Group for the first three days. This allows them to observe the daily activities and
learn how things work at Straight. A 5 th Phaser or their Oldcomer could answer any
questions they have within the first three days. A Newcomer would have to wait
fourteen days before he/she could put in for the privilege of Talk, Talk and
Responsibilities, or Home. This was considered enough time for the client to become
involved in the group and the Staff could make a determination as to whether or not
they could talk with their parents.
19) No playing off Oldcomer’s, parents, or Foster Parents- a classic game
everyone play at some point. Asking multiple people the same question until they get
the answer they are looking for was prohibited. We were expected to accept the first
answer we get.
20) No ta lking in lines or bathrooms- lines were straight, everyone stood heel to toe,
facing the back of the head of the person in front of you. You were expected to think
about your day. Often times the bathrooms were crowded when in use between
raps. Too many people talking was thought to cause confusion and allow for mass
cop-out attempts.
21) No asking Staff or 5 th Phasers quest ions during raps- questions directed to a
5 th Phaser could only be address between raps, during lunch or dinner. Asking a
Staff Member anything was generally not done unless the Staff member asked if
anyone had questions.
22) No R Rated mov ies- Because of the nudity, violence and drug use R rated movies
were prohibited. These types of images were thought to be distractions.
23) No pro drug music, radio stations or TV shows- it was thought that most
anything could influence a person to go back to drugs or alcohol. This included music
about drugs and radio stations that encouraged drug use. Television program and
movies that portrayed drug use in a positive way were thought to interfere with the
client’s commitment to staying sober.
24) No ma ke-up, jewelry, wallets, watches, belts, money or ID- it was thought
the use of makeup and jewelry were ways to avoid one’s self. Using makeup and
jewelry was also thought to be tied to self-confidence, self esteem, and the image
one has of themselves. Wallets could hide weapons and contraband. A watch on 1st
and 2nd phase was considered a distraction from concentrating on the activities of
the day. Belts on 1 st phase could be use to hurt themselves or others. Money wasn’t
needed until 3 rd Phase and ID was also not required until latter Phases.
25) No mouthwash, deodorant, or colognes containing alcohol- it was believed
that them items would be used for clients to get high with.
26) If you are sick and in need of medical attention in the building, use the
Chain of Command and/or medicat ion line- A client could not be given any
medication without a prescription by a Medical Doctor. A client couldn’t even take an
aspirin for a headache unless the client had a temperature of 102. In the extremely
rare case that a client does become seriously ill they would be permitted to rest in
the two-bed infirmary. In an even more rare case the client would be transported to
the hospital for treatment.

27) No stopping off to or from the building, check out all stop off’s- Simply put,
no one could stop at a store or gas station while a client was in a car. This prevented
the client from copping out. A 4 th or 5 th Phase could get permission to stop and get
gas to or from work so long as it was understood that no Newcomers could be in the
car at the time.
28) No hitch hiking or picking up hitch hikers- Self explanatory
29) No lending or borrowing money- It was believed that this was a bad habit.
30) Report all possible cop-outs- Anyone who had a suspicion that another client was
going to cop-out had to be reported to Staff immediately. The person being reported
even if they had done nothing wrong could expect a relentless confrontation and
possible set back or started over. Failure to report a possible cop-out could result in
set back or start over as well.
31) No talking or associating with Copouts, terminat ions, or Pulled Clients-
Associating with a person no longer in good standing with Straight was thought to
weaken a client by them talking bad about the program. A former client is left
isolated, lonely and detached from the friends they once had in the Program. The
parents of these former clients were strongly encouraged to ignore their pleas for
help unless they agreed to come back to the program.
32) Report all suspicious persons around the building or Foster Home- Straight
believed that suspicious person could be someone looking to “rescue” their friend
from the program or cause harm to others.
33) No listening to the radio or watching TV while wr it ing Moral Inventor ies-
This was believed to be a distraction.
34) No lifting weights unt il 3 rd Phase- Prevented client from building up strength and
over powering another client in order to cop-out.
35) No using or answering the phone unt il 4 th Phase except Dime Therapy on
2 nd and 3 rd Phase- This meant that a Newcomer didn’t have access to call home or
druggie friends. 2 nd & 3 rd Phase clients could use the phone to call other Oldcomers
in the program, but only after a parent dialed the number and assured the approved
Oldcomer was the one on the phone. Calling anyone NOT on the Dime Therapy list
was prohibited. Not answering the phone prevented the client from getting a call
from a druggie friend.
36) No sending or receiving letters or packages, and no answering the door
unt il 4 th Phase- This prevented someone from receiving drugs or other contraband
through the mail. Answering the door was considered risky because a druggie friend
could be on the other side. If someone stopped by unannounced and/or not
approved by Staff, they would be turned away. The Client is usually sent to their
room until the visitor left.
37) Maintain the anony mity of Foster Parents while on 1 st Phase- This prevented
a clients parents from finding out where their child was living and who was taking
care of them. This rule kept parents from stopping by their home for a visit.
38) A parent must be in the home with the Clients at all times- Parental
supervision was strongly mandated.
39) What I hear in Staff office or front Lobby remains there- This was true for
anyone in those areas. It was never a practice that clients be permitted to even see
the inside of the Staff offices. The lobby was usually where the Phoner took
messages for Staff. These messages were to be kept strictly confidential.
40) No Clients in the File Room, Staff Office, or Execut ive Area’s without Staff
Per mission- A client rarely saw the inside of a Staff office. Confidential information
was kept there. The File Room was off limits to everyone but Staff. All client files
were kept here and could only be read by Staff. A client couldn’t even see their own
file during the program without Executive Staff present.

41) No knives, scissors, or sharp objects around Newcomers- Newcomers could
not be trusted to use these items responsibly. They could be used as weapons to
harm themselves or someone else.
42) No Newcomers talking to Newcomers- It was thought that communication
between two Newcomers only meant they were up to no good.
43) Ba nking is limited to a joint account with parental co signature required
for withdraws- This applies to 3 rd Phase and higher. This prevented a client from
withdrawing money if they decided they were going to cop-out from the program or
buy drugs.
44) No photographing Newcomers- this ensured confidentiality.
45) Nobody enters or leaves the Carpet Room once Executive Raps begin-
Executive Rap only occurred twice a week. To show respect to Executive Staff
interruptions of this nature were prohibited.
46) No animals in the building except Seeing Eye dogs- Health code regulations.
47) Report cards must be sent to Staff via the Chain of Command- this let the
Staff know how well a client is doing in school. A client had to maintain a B average
otherwise the client could be pulled from school and set back as punishment.
48) If you are late for Group you make up a day for yourself and one day for
each of your Newcomers- This applied to 2 nd Phase and higher. Once a client
made 4 th Phase they couldn’t have a day off until these days are made up in Group.
49) Dime Therapy- used on 2 nd Phase and higher. Dime Therapy was used in a
situation when a client was having difficulty at home and needed some advise. A
typical Dime Therapy list consisted of three 4 th Phasers, two 5 th Phasers and one
Staff Trainee. A Staff Trainee was called only in an emergency involving a client who
was seriously ill, causing problems in the home, or who had copped-out.
50) Per missions- There were several types of Permissions. Shopping Permissions
allowed a client on 3 rd Phase or higher to go shopping for new clothes for school or
work. Job Hunting Permissions were granted for clients who were looking for a job.
Most had already graduated from high school. Driving Permissions were granted to
clients who had a driver’s license and had a reason to drive. (To and from work)
Clients were not permitted to drive to or from school. A driving permission was valid
for 7 days and must be renewed weekly. Specific information had to be given to
Staff when filling out a Driving Permission. Name of client, year make model and
color of car, license plate number including issuing state. Drivers license number and
state issued. Group Permissions were granted to 4 th & 5 th Phasers. Several clients
would get together on their day off and go out and doing something together, like go
to the zoo, or amusement park. A parent MUST accompany the clients on the
permission. Permissions had to be handed in 72 hours in advance except 5 th Phasers,
24 hours in advance. Staff had to know who was going, the date they were going,
where they were going complete with address, what time they were leaving and
what time they could be expected back from the outing. Any part of the permission
form that was left blank or not appropriately answered would cause the permission
to be denied. If a group of clients were late in leaving or returning from a
permission the clients responsible would have their days off taken away and/or other
disciplinary action.
51) Third Phasers may go outside in the yard if accompanied by a parent-
52) No e xtracurricular act ivit ies- No sports, clubs or other after school activities until
5 th Phase.
53) No t urning your back on the Group while standing at a door- 2 nd -4 th Phasers
were responsible for standing at a door that led out of the Group room. This ensured
that only authorized person could come in or leave the Group room. Turning ones
back on the Group was believed to give a client an opportunity to charge the door
and cop-out.

54) Sign in and out of Group- This let Staff know where all clients were at all times.
55) A guy and gir l cannot be in the same room alone until 6 months 7 th
Stepped- It was believed that this caused unnecessary temptation for both sexes.
The ONLY exceptions to this rule were 7 th Step Officers. When I first became an
Officer I was under 6 months and the other Officer was female. Because we
discussed confidential information we had to share an office together the exception
had to be made for this.
56) Guys wear shirt, girls wear bra- common courtesy.
57) Report all Stashes (drugs, stolen articles)- It was important that if a client still
had drugs or any other stashes hidden in their home that it be reported so the
parents go find them and get them out of the house prior to going home on 2 nd
Phase.
58) No cameras, tape recorders or radios in the building- Helps maintain
confidentiality. Radios were thought to be a distraction.
59) No hanging out in the parking lot- loitering was thought to look bad.
60) No druggie friends or hangouts- it was thought a client would be tempted to do
drugs again if one associated with druggie friends. Going to a druggie hang out was
thought to be risky because a druggie friend could be there.
61) No going to sleep with the radio on- it was thought that messages from the
radio could be subconsciously transmitted to the brain and cause conflict.
62) Pick up trash from around your seat- self explanatory
63) No getting out of your seat without permission-
64) No crew c uts- Straight, Inc. did not want to be perceived as a military type
organization.
65) Go over Ne wcomer MI’s nightly- it was the responsibility of Oldcomers to read
the Newcomers MI. By doing so, the Oldcomer knew exactly what the Newcomer
wanted to work on. It also ensured that the Newcomer wasn’t writing something
just to give the appearance of writing an MI. Also, Oldcomers could sometimes spot
trouble by reading an MI if a Newcomer was thinking about leaving the program or if
the didn’t think they had a problem.
There were other rules, not all of them could be retrieved for this book.

Open Meeting Rules
1. No passing anything during the Open Meeting
2. No eye games during Open Meeting
3. No wr it ing of anything dur ing Ope n Meet ing
4. Stand up when your parents stand
5. No talking out to parents except to say, “I love you.”
6. No slang or profanity during introduct ions
7. Honesty on introductions
8. Report all suspicious looking characters during Open Meeting
9. Open Meeting introduct ions must include: Name, age, drugs, how long on
drugs, how long here, past, present, future
10. No camera’s, tape recorders, or radio’s in group during Open Meeting
11. No asking parents for wants and needs during Talk.
12. No faking out parents wit h privileges earned. Cannot tell parents they are on 3 rd
Phase when they really didn’t make it.
13. No asking 5 th Phasers quest ions during Open Meeting
14. If you are an Oldcomer and have a sibling who earns Talk, you do not sit in on
the Ta lks.
5 th Phase Rules
1. Honesty
2. Empathy & Sens it ivity
3. Practice the Principa ls of my program da ily
4. Share my gift of awareness to the Group- teach and relate though example, assist
clients with problems and help them find solutions.
5. Follow the Chain of Command
6. Sign in on days in at 8:30AM or 1:30PM Sundays- 5 th Phasers had to sign into the
building 15-30 minutes earlier than the rest of the clients. 5 th Phasers were often
responsible for watching over the other clients in the Intake Room. They blocked the
door to prevent a client from copping out.
7. During your first week on 5 th Phase you are expected to be in everyday- this is
to allow a new 5 th Phaser time to learn most of the responsibilities he/she has as a 5 th
Phaser. Only after this time period is successfully completed will they be allowed to have
days off.
8. 5 th Phasers get 4 days off a week-
9. 5 th Phasers may talk behind backs in Group- in many cases this is the only way a 5t
Phaser can keep up with the progress of other clients in the program.
10. Communicate through the OBS book- Another way for 5 th Phasers to keep up on the
progress of the clients. Major incidents, such as Cop-Outs, Refreshers, and Start Over’s
are written in the OBS book.
11. Fifteen Minutes at the 5 th Phase desk- 5 th Phasers are limited to only 15 minutes to
read the OBS book or write in the OBS book. This allowed for other 5 Phasers to do work
at the desk.
12. 5 th Phasers may call lower Phasers w/out Staff Permission
13. Attend 5 th Phase Raps weekly- These were often led by Junior or Senior Staff.
Confrontations could be expected here.
14. 5 th Phasers and Parents attend “5 th Phase Parent Rap” once a month- usually
non-confrontive and led by Senior or Executive Staff.
15. Day off permanent permission wit h parents or Foster parents- so long as a 5 th
Phaser is with their parent or their assigned Foster Parent, a 5 th Phaser could go
anywhere with them without permission.

16. Per missions without parents- two or more 5 th Phasers could go anywhere without
parents.
17. Permission requests 24 hours in advance
5 th Phase Mixed-Group Permission Rules
1. There will be a minimum of 5 people on each permission with an odd number
or people and at least two of each sex- Prevented 5 th Phasers from pairing up.
(guy/girl)
2. Stay together in a group, no pairing off into couples or going off alone- see
above
3. Mixed permissions can be held at home or Foster Home if a parent is presentself
explanatory
4. Curfew for Mixed Permissions is 9:30PM on weeknights and 11:30PM on
weekends- self explanatory
5. Do not associate with lower Phasers while on Mixed Group permission
6. No more than one Mixed group permission a week- this was thought to keep a 5 th
Phaser from becoming “interested” in another 5 th Phaser making it more like a date than
an outing.
7. Mixed Group permissions must have the signature of a parent or Foster Parent
8. A 5 th Phaser must go on at least two Mixed Group permissions before 7 th
Stepping.
9. Any action not acceptable to Straight standards on Mixed Group permission
could result in loss of per mission pr iv ilege or other disciplinary action- holding
hands, flirting, kissing or sexual contact etc.
10. Senior Staff must approve Mixed Group permissions at least 24 hours in
advance.
11. Mixed Group permissions may only be checked out during or immediately
following a 5 th Phase rap.

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab
The Staff, Infrastructure of Straight, Inc.
One of the fundamental tools utilized at Straight, Inc. was peer pressure. It was believed
that peer pressure got kids on drugs and peer pressure will get kids off drugs. This concept was
used in group throughout my phases. With several dozen and in some cases several hundred
clients in group pressuring other clients to get off drugs Straight proved to be both a motivator
and at times a nuisance for me.
Leading this large group of clients and in fact counseling them to deal with the drug
problem were two types of Staff. Professional Staff consisted of Executive Staff members. They
usually held some kind of college degree. The other Staff Members were called “paraprofessional
Staff”. There were different levels, Staff Trainees, Junior Staff and Senior Staff. The
Paraprofessional Staff members were all Graduates of the program and received some training in
dealing with the Group through Staff Training provided by the Executive Staff and frequent inservices
as needed.
A Group Staff Supervisor who is also a graduate but was considered to hold a position
within the Executive Staff realm supervised the Junior and Senior Staff.
Most of a clients time in Straight, Inc. was spent in Group being led in Rap sessions in
order to talk about his/her drug using past and how using the 7 steps and the rest of the
program can help achieve life time sobriety. The Junior and Senior Staff led the majority of
these rap sessions.
Staff Positions with a brief description of roles, responsibilities and duties.
Program Director
Reports to the National Clinical Director. Handles Administrative duties in running the
branch. He/she interacts with the Group twice a week leading “Executive raps” which last just
two hours. The Director promotes 4 th Phasers to 5 th Phase and determines when a 5 th Phaser is
ready to 7 th Step or Graduate the program. The Director conducts family conferences as needed
if a client or his/her family is in need of special counseling sessions.
The Assistant Director
Reports to the Director. Assists the Director in Administrative role. Has the same
interaction with the Group as the Director. “Executive Raps” co-led with the Director. The
Assistant Director works more closely with the Paraprofessional Staff. He/She teaches the 46
hour Pre-Training course to potential Clients and 7 th Steppers desiring to become Staff members.
Conducts Family Conferences as needed. The Assistant Director approves or denies potential
candidates in the 7 th Step Society that have been nominated for 7 th Step Officer. Meets with the
current President of the 7 th Step Society for final rulings. This Assistant Director is the main
disciplinarian when dealing with the Paraprofessionals and problems that arise.
Program Coordinator
Reports to the Assistant Director. Assists the Assistant Director with Administrative
duties. Conducts Executive Raps as needed. Works directly with the President and other Officers
of the 7 th Step Society. Leads 7 th Step Parent Raps on a monthly basis. Conducts Family
Conferences with 7 th Steppers.

The following job descriptions come from actual documents obtained by a former Senior
Staff Member from the Virginia Straight, Inc.
Major Functions
Group Staff Superv isor
Leading, supervising, and training the Group Staff.
Duties:
1. General supervision of Group Staff, the Group and the treatment process.
2. Clinical observation and supervision of Group Staff
3. Chain of Command supervision of Senior Staff
4. “Nuts and Bolts” in-service training to Group Staff
5. Counseling support to Group Staff. Responsible for seeing personal growth of Group
Staff
6. Supervise case-management system
7. Assist in clinical training and supervision of new Executive Staff members.
8. Group Staff and Trainee schedules.
9. Rap scheduling
10. Assigning Group Staff responsibilities
Knowledge
Understands chemical dependency disease, recovery, treatment and family systems.
Mastery of personal change tools. Understands STRAIGHT therapeutic process.
Understands every area and responsibility of the program. Understands interpersonal
communication process and understands rational therapy process
Abilities:
Competent at personal growth and change using the program tools. Capable of using
concepts as well as intuition to make decisions. Very skilled at basic counseling
techniques in order to serve as a role model for Staff and to train them. Demonstrates
personal maturity and leadership amongst Staff. Mastery of control over Group.
Competent at holistically diagnosing and prescribing for the Group process.
Demonstrates flexible ability to use concepts and skills to meet changing conditions and
new situations. Able to work with adult Staff as peer and Group Staff as a peer leader.
Ability to delegate responsibility.
Attitude:
Serious; care; dedication; objective and open minded; conceptual and intuitive; with high
moral value and a positive outlook.
Rev. 4/30/84

Senior Staff
NA TURE OF WORK
This is a very responsible staff position requiring direct personal contact with parents of our
Clients and program participants in both individual and group settings.
Works under direct supervision of the Senior Staff Supervisor at all times. Employee must
exercise considerable initiative, ingenuity and independent judgment.
Duties include the supervisor of program’s Junior Staff members.
Accomplishments are to be judged through performance of Junior Staff members, written reports
and results achieved.
ILLUSTRATED EXAMPLES OF WORK
Supervise Junior Staff members and prepare them to achieve Senior Staff status.
Attend all training and in-service training sessions as required.
Provide leadership to clients on the program through the leading of raps, parental conferences,
etc.
Provide input to Executive Staff on the promotion of Trainee to Junior Staff
Assume Responsibility for the conduct of the daily routine (raps starting on time, regular exercise
periods, etc)
DESIRABLE KNOWLEDGE, ABILITIES A ND SKILLS
Ability to be sensitive to the participant’s emotional status and to display a genuine “helping”
relationship.
Ability to supervise personnel
Ability to communicate clearly and concisely, orally and in writing.
To have received a high school diploma or be in the process of achieving this degree**
**In Cincinnati a Staff member had to have the high school diploma prior to be promoted to
Senior Staff.

Junior Staff
NA TURE OF WORK
This is a very responsible staff position requiring direct personal contact with the program
participants in both individual and group settings.
Works under the supervision of assigned Senior Staff members and/or the Senior Staff
Supervisor. Employee must demonstrate motivation to help others and present a positive model
to the clients.
Accomplishments are to be judged through conferences, written reports and results achieved.
ILLUSTRATED EXAMPLES OF WORK
Maintain attendance records of program participants on a daily basis and immediately report all
absences to the Program Director.
Conduct One-on-One discussions with program participants as requested by participant or as
deemed necessary by professional staff.
Conduct, lead and stimulate group discussion.
Interview potential participants for suitability for acceptance to the program and make
recommendations for same to Program Director.
Monitor progress of participants in the program and report on same through written reports and
conferences with para-professional supervisors.
Attend all training and in-service training sessions as required.
DESIRABLE KNOWLEDGE, ABILITIES A ND SKILLS
Ability to begin, generate and maintain group discussion that center on participants problems
that may have led to his/her drug usage.
Ability to aid the participant in identifying the problems that led to his/her drug usage and to fully
discuss solutions to these problems.
DESIRABLE TRAINING A ND EXPERIENCE
High school diploma or GED or working toward same.
17 years of age.
Successfully completed pre-training sessions set up by the programs professional staff
Personal experience with drug treatment program.
The Roles and responsibilities of the Staff Trainee will be discussed in another chapter.

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab.
First Phase- St. Petersburg, Florida
PHASE #1
THE CLIENT IS WORKING ON HIMSELF/HERSELF
The client is living away from home with a Foster Family. This is for a minimum
of 14 days. Court Order cases a minimum of 30 days.
1) NO making or receiving phone calls, letters etc., from friends or parents. No
television, radio or reading.
2) The Oldcomer of the Client must take a direct route from Straight to their
home. No stops on the way.
3) The Client will attend Straight from 9:00am to 9:00pm Monday through
Saturday. Sunday from 2:00pm to 9:00pm
4) Oldcomer is responsible to have Client at Straight promptly at designated
time and pick up Client at closing.
5) The Client is responsible for doing a Moral Inventory daily (MANDATORY)
I sat on the front row. I was trying to adjust to the idea that I was going to be here for
at least two weeks. The papers I signed stated that as an adult, I was obligated to stay here for
at least 14 days. After that, I could pull myself from the program and leave. I missed my family,
I missed my sister, and I missed Denise. I didn’t know anyone here other than Cathie, and I
wasn’t allowed to talk to her. I was scared.
This room was a lot smaller than the main auditorium. In fact this room was really part
of the Carpet Room. There was a blue divider directly in front of me. Staff stools sat just to my
left. The girl’s side of the Group was also to my left. Each side had about 5 rows, 6 chairs in
each row, about sixty chairs in all. To my right 5 th Phasers stood along the side of group.
Behind the 5 th Phasers was a cinder block wall. Along that wall in the rear of the room was a
door that led outside. There was always an Oldcomer standing in front of the door. There was a
wall behind the 5 th row. There was another door directly across from the one that led outside an
Oldcomer stood there as well. This door led to the St. Petersburg group in the main auditorium.
To the right of that door was a piano.
Once I got my bearings, I started watching the Group. I had been told that I wasn’t
allowed to talk for the first three days. I was to observe. I watched these people flap their arms
up and down in a manner I had never witnessed before. It looked silly. But I knew better than
to laugh. They did this to get called on and talk to the Group. It was called Motivating. One of
the Staff Members would call on a person. They would stand up and talk about the topic at
hand. After the person was done talking the Group would yell in unison “Love ya”, followed by
their name.
As I was sitting there taking all of this in, a thought occurred to me that sent me into a
panic attack. “When Denise gets home and sees the house key, she is going to think I left her
intentionally.” I frantically raised my hand to a 5 th Phaser. I wasn’t supposed to be talking with
anyone during a rap but frankly I didn’t really think about it. The 5 th Phaser looked toward Staff
and the Staff member shook his head allowing the 5 th Phaser to approach me. I told him that I
needed to call Denise and explain to her where I was. By now I felt so guilty about what I had
done, I began crying uncontrollably. The 5 th Phaser tried to calm me down but his next words
only made things worse. “You can’t call anyone, let alone your druggie girl friend. You’re better
off here any way.” I continued to beg him to let me make the one phone call but I was
repeatedly denied access to a phone.

The next thing that happened was lunch. I was told to stand; an Oldcomer grabbed me
by the belt loop. This was going to take some getting use to. I didn’t like it. I was led out to
the large group room and in a line. After I picked up my lunch I was led back to the small group
room. I sat and ate what I could. I remember the cottage cheese was watery and I didn’t like
the pineapple that came with it. There were black droppings floating in and around my red cherry
juice. I didn’t want to know what it was, so I didn’t ask. After I finished eating what I wanted, I
passed it to the end of the row to be thrown away. But soon, I saw my tray being passed back
to me. I was instructed by a 5 th Phaser to eat everything on my plate. I tried to tell him that I
didn’t like some of the food. I asked for a straw for the cottage cheese. The 5 th Phaser started
yelling at me because he thought I was being smart, but I very serious. I wasn’t given a choice
and choked down the pineapple and cottage cheese. Over the course of the next few weeks I
got used to choking down all the food served to me. Other than the cottage cheese and the red
juice, with black droppings in it, I don’t remember much else about the food.
There were a few more raps and then exercise rap. Again, I was grabbed by the belt
loop and taken into the large group room. We were led to do hundreds of jumping jacks, squat
thrusts, push ups, sit ups, we ran in place, and other exercises. A half an hour later, my lungs
burned my arms and legs felt like lead, I was exhausted. I remember Peggy teasing me about
being out of shape. I didn’t even have the strength to smile. Peggy was the Group Staff
Supervisor of the Cincinnati Group. I was led to the water fountain. I was only allowed a five
second drink. Not nearly enough water to replace the fluids I lost.
I was taken to the restroom. It was there that I developed a bashful bladder. The
Oldcomer that took me to the restroom, stood directly behind me and watched as I urinated. If I
had to move my bowels, an Oldcomer would stand just outside the open stall and watch me. It
was humiliating. It took a while before I was able to urinate with someone watching me. I
couldn’t move my bowels for the first two weeks there. This was common among brand new
clients.
I was led back to the Cincinnati group. We ate dinner, which was just as bad as the
lunch I’m sure. The next rap was called Rules Rap. The Staff Member started off by asking,
“What’s the first and most important rule” The answer I learned was Honesty. Different people
stood up and explained what honesty meant to them and why it was important to be honest with
everyone. Several people did this rule until a Staff Member asked for a different rule.
After Rules Rap, we sang some songs and then Night Rap started. I don’t have any
recollection about that but they happened every night at the same time. At the end of the Night
Rap, while Staff would summarize the rap, everyone would put their arms around each other. I
was not comfortable with this and pulled away from the guy sitting next to me, but I was assured
it was okay.
Staff instructed the Oldcomers to grab their Newcomers and line up for dismissal. Nearly
everyone got up and started leaving but me. After a few minutes a guy came into the room and
asked if I was Don. I acknowledged. He had me stand as he grabbed my belt loop. He led me
out to the group room and we got in line. I was instructed to look directly into the back of the
head of the person standing in front of me and stand heel to toe. I did. We stood there for a
long time. This guy standing behind me hadn’t introduced himself and I didn’t know where we
were going. I was scared. As I stood there, my mind wandered to thoughts about my family
and Denise. I began to cry. Another 5 th Phaser came up to me and asked why I was crying. I
told him I was scared. I don’t remember how he responded to me, but he told the guy behind
me that he needed to help me as much as possible. I was somewhat embarrassed. I, for
whatever reason, would cry in the dismissal line for a least the first 4 or 5 days. I was an
emotional mess. I remember other 5 th Phasers would come by and smack the hands that were
holding onto the belt loops to check if the grip was tight enough to keep the Newcomers from
getting away.

The Group was finally dismissed and I was led outside to a blue pickup truck in the
parking lot. I was told to enter the truck from the driver side and crawl over to the passenger
side. I did as I was told. Once in the truck my Oldcomer finally introduced himself. “My name is
Jack I’m a 5 th Phaser here.” I shook his hand and told him who I was and where I was from.
Jack’s foster brother, Stan rode in the bed of the pickup truck. I was told to stare at a dot on the
dash during the drive home to prevent me from reading billboards. After all, I was not allowed
to read. I didn’t read any billboards; I merely looked at the pictures of the women advertising
local strip clubs in the area. I think another reason for looking at the dot was to prevent me from
knowing where I was and possibly plan to run away. The drive took about ½ hour or so.
We pulled into a driveway in front of a single story ranch style house; it was brown in
color. I was led out of the truck from the driver side and taken inside the house by the belt loop.
Inside, I was introduced to his mom and dad. They seemed nice. I was led to the kitchen area
where we would eat a light snack. As a Newcomer I was told that I had to ask my Oldcomer for
everything before doing anything. So, in order to make a sandwich I had to ask if I could get the
bread, then the sandwich meat, and then the condiments. Once the sandwich was made, I had
to ask if I could eat it. The purpose in asking for everything was to show my Oldcomer respect.
After all, I was a guest in his house.
One sandwich in particular that became a favorite of mine was called a “Florida
Sandwich.” It consisted of two slices of bread, peanut butter, grape jelly, lettuce, marshmallow
cream, and sliced bananas. As unusual as those sounds, it really is a good snack. As a
Newcomer, it took a while for me to make it, having to ask for everything, but it was good.
While we were eating Jack and Stan began writing something in a notebook. Jack
explained that this was something that I would be learning in a few days. I didn’t pay too much
attention. It probably took him about 30 minutes to complete what he was writing.
After finishing our snack I was led to the bathroom for our shower. Jack asked me if I
had ever taken a military shower before. I told him no. He explained that I would have to turn
the water on and get wet. After that, shut the water off, lather up from head to toe and then
turn the water back on and rinse off. The showers lasted less than five minutes. While he was
in the shower, I was told to place my hands on top of the curtain rod so that my hands were
visible from the other side; thus, he never took his eyes off me.
Jack tried to encourage me to shave my mustache off, saying it was a druggie image and
he also explained that I placed security it having it. That logic made no sense to me. I simply
liked having one. Although it wasn’t a very good-looking mustache I refused to shave it right
away.
After the showers were done, I was led to the bedroom. I couldn’t believe what I saw.
Inside were three beds. No pictures on the walls, no alarm clocks, nothing in fact, electrical
other than the light switch for the overhead light. I was told the window on the far end of the
room was bolted or nailed shut to prevent escape. I asked about the fire safety of all this and
Jack assured me that everyone would be safe. To make matters worse, I watched as he closed
the bedroom door, which was locked from the outside, and placed the key on a safety pin and
placed it inside his underwear.
I got in my bed, which was the middle one, right between the Oldcomers. Sleep would
come and go throughout the night. The events of the day raced through my head. I wondered
what was in store for me tomorrow.
I don’t remember what time I was awakened. But I got more sleep than I first thought I
would. It was a Sunday morning and we didn’t have to be at the building until 2:00pm. Jack and
Stan sprang to their feet and had smiles on their faces. They acted as if they were excited about
the new day. I still had my reservations. I got dressed and was led out to the kitchen for
breakfast. Jack’s parents were there and breakfast, which consisted of cold cereal and milk,
awaited us. Forgetting about asking for everything, I grabbed a box of cereal and proceeded to
help myself. Jack yelled at me, “Just what do you think you’re doing” I felt scared and
apologized for not remembering. I put the box back and asked if I could get the box. He
eventually let me eat but he made me wait a while. After breakfast I was taken to the bathroom

to brush my teeth and comb my hair. I don’t remember what we did between breakfast and the
time we had to leave to go to the building.
I was taken out to the truck and again, made to crawl across to the passenger side of his
pickup. We drove to the Straight building and parked. I could now make out a little bit more of
the building. I saw the bars on the windows again. I always stared at them and thought of the
irony. As we entered the parking lot we went around to the left side of the building. I could see
the door that led to my Group room. There must have been another entrance off to the left of
that.
I was led into the building and into an Intake room. They were very small rooms. They
were carpeted. There must have been close to two-dozen people in there already and I pushed
my way through and was told to sit down. Jack gave me a hug before he left the room. I
cannot describe how cramped it got in that room at times, oh, and the smell was awful. It
smelled like a sweatshop. Perspiration was dripping off some of the other people in the room
with me; it wouldn’t be long before I was sweating too. Standing in front of the door was an
Oldcomer. He would ask if anyone wanted to talk about the changes they were making. They
started flapping their arms in there too, just to get called on. No wonder it smelled to high
heaven in here. People took turns talking about what they were doing about living drug/alcohol
free. I just took it all in and didn’t say anything.
After about a ½ hour a Staff Member came to the door and asked if anyone had
responsibilities. A few people raised their hands. The Staff Member selected some of them and
instructed them to go stand at a door in the Group room. With them leaving helped the cramped
surroundings a little but not enough for me. Another Staff Member told the Oldcomers to grab
the Newcomers and line up. “Line up” I thought. “How the hell are we going to line up in a
small room like this” What we did was simple. An Oldcomer would grab two Newcomers and
put them heel to toe in front of him. He would stand just to the left of the door. Everyone else
fell in line behind him so that the line went in a circle along the wall and worked itself in toward
the middle of the room. Surprisingly enough it worked. Then we were told to head to our Group
room. Again I was put on the front row.
I just tried to take it all in. I was still very scared. Although I didn’t have to participate
in the raps, I was still expected to pay attention to everyone that was talking. I remember
several times a day someone was telling me to listen up or pay attention. Sometimes, I got very
mad at the people there. I didn’t like being told what to do. But again, what is a 135-pound
skinny guy going to do Another thing I did that seem to upset some of the people was to play
the chair like a drum when singing songs or if I just started to get bored. A 5 th Phaser would
come down the row and grab my hands and tell me to knock it off.
Time virtually stood still. Losing track of time was easy to do after awhile. There were
no windows in the room; the only light I saw was from the florescent lighting above. I found
myself trying to look at the watches the 5 th Phasers were wearing. It was only a matter of time
before I would get caught and they would hide the face of the watch.
Something I found to pass the time was “clicking” with a girl on the front row. She and
I would make eye contact and smile at each other or wink. I took a real liking to her.
By the end of the day, I was ready to head home. But as I stood in line, my mind again
wandered to my family, and Denise and again, the tears would flow.
Jack told me that I would be doing a Newcomer Introduction for Monday’s Open
Meeting. He told me that I should think about specific times when I used drugs and how I felt
about it. He gave me some examples about what I could talk about. Stan helped me out with
this too. As I tried to drift off to sleep that night, fear gripped me; I wasn’t used to talking in
front of so many people.
Monday November 30 was a very long day. My first chance to talk came in the Intake
room. I kept it short, basically saying that I didn’t like being here and that I was scared about
having to talk in front of everyone today. Someone in the room raised his hand and when he was
called on he told me that he knew how I felt. It really didn’t make me feel any better.

I remember the Executive Rap. We were led into the Carpet Room and I was told to sit
Indian Style on the floor. Somehow well over 350 people were able to fit into this room. Up front
sat two Executive Staff Members. There he was Dr. Newman. Next to him was Anthony
Williamson, the Assistant Director for the Cincinnati Group. These raps were led in the same
manner as other raps. Only the Executive Staff led them. This was the only time I ever saw the
“professional staff.”
I will always remember how the walls in the Carpet Room would literally sweat. When
over 350 people are in a room, motivating, the heat would build up so much that the walls would
appear to sweat with humidity. Occasionally but rarely, the doors would be opened to help cool
the room off, I would watch in astonishment as the steam left the room through the open door. I
had never witnessed anything like it. The smell that would emit from the room during these raps
was unbelievable. The rap session went without a hitch as far as I remember. But by the end of
the rap, my legs were in pain and I needed a shower.
We were led out to the Auditorium for Dinner and Rules Rap. I was placed on front row.
Next to me I met a Cincinnati Oldcomer named Todd. He was on third phase. This Rules Rap
was different. We covered rules that applied to the Open Meetings. One of the rules was
Newcomer and Oldcomer Introductions. A person was required to start off his/her introduction
by stating their name, age, the drugs we did, how long we did them, whether or not we believed
we were a Druggie, and how long we were in the program (in days). From there we were to talk
about our past drug use, family relationships, Druggie friends, school/work and trouble with the
law. We were to talk about specific incidents and share how we felt about the situation. From
there we were to talk about how we feel since being here. After that we had to set two shortterm
goals these were to be accomplished with in twenty-four hours and one long-term goal that
was to be accomplished within three to six months. Other rules were; no eye games, no faking
out parents. Another thing I was prohibited from doing was telling my Foster Parents I loved
them during the Open Meeting. This would reveal to my parents who I was living with. My
parents were not allowed to know who was taking care of me. When the Rules Rap was finished
we started singing songs as the parents made their way in. I started playing my chair like
drums. They called that rocking out and wasn’t permitted. Todd, on a number of occasions
would grab my hands and tell me to stop. I always felt bad when he did that. I would stop for a
while and then start doing it again. Todd was very understanding and supportive. Something
told me that he and I would become very good friends.
I saw my parents for the first time since I signed myself in. They came in with the other
parents and sat down. The Open Meeting started and I was getting nervous. I was never more
relieved when I saw that the Newcomer introductions were going to start on the girl’s side. But
it didn’t take long before the mic was passed to me. I stood up and did my introduction. I really
don’t remember anything I talked about. When I was finished I was visibly relieved. When my
parents got the mic I stood. My mom and dad both told me that they were relieved that I had
signed myself in and that I was here. They knew I could make it here.
The Open Meeting was a lot longer on this particular night. Remember I had been taken
from the Open Meeting on Friday before it was finished. This was the first of many full term
Open Meetings. When the parents were talking to their children several went home. Every time I
saw someone go home, I would tear up. It was always a very emotional event for me to
witness. Several had to stand and talk to them because they didn’t earn anything. After the
parents were finished talking to the children, the Staff member asked if there was anyone in the
group/audience that was celebrating a birthday or anniversary. Those that were came to the
front with their parents. We sang “Happy Birthday” and “Happy Anniversary” to them. After that
was finished, the Open Meeting was closed in the Lords Prayer and the Group sang, “Pass it on.”
As the parents were dismissed chairs were set up for those who had earned “talk”.
Oldcomers would take them to their parents. Meanwhile, everyone else, including me, just sat
there, watching as my parents left the room. I cried.

After the “talks” were finished, we were led to a different part of the Auditorium. A wall
was put up to separate us from the parents. Open Meeting Review was started. The Staff had
each Newcomer stand one at a time as other clients in the Group critiqued each of the Newcomer
introductions. Some of the reviews were constructive criticism, while others were mercilessly torn
apart and the Client strongly confronted by the Group. We were told what to talk about and what
things we could do to make our next introduction better. I was glad to hear my first
introduction, while not in any way perfect, was well done.
After the Introductions were reviewed it was on to the most dreaded time in the Open
Meeting Review. Confrontations. Staff Members would call on different clients in the Group and
begin confronting them about a variety of things from not being involved in the rap sessions,
misbehaving, and other offenses. It was horrible. Some of these confrontations were at times
brutal. The language used was harsh. I was never permitted to use language this strong in front
of my parents. Although I used this language on a regular basis, I felt uncomfortable hearing it
now.
The Open Meeting Review lasted well into the early morning hours. We probably weren’t
dismissed until 3:00am. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. But I wasn’t going to bed
right away. I still had to learn how to write a Moral Inventory.
The MI is broken into four different areas. The Challenge is the main part of a MI. It
deals with a specific problem that needs to be addressed and changed. Within the challenge I
must explain what the challenge is, why it’s there, what will happen if I don’t change the
problem, what will happen when I do make the change and how I plan on making the change.
Good Points are three specific traits, characteristics, or other things I like about myself. Goa ls
are five specific things that I want to accomplish in the next twenty-four hours. The Blessing
consists of things that I am thankful for. In a lot of cases I wrote mine as a Prayer to God.
I wrote my first MI on my anger. I wrote that I would get angry with the 5 th Phasers
every time they told me to do something. I thought that if I didn’t get my anger under control, I
would be started over or have my days frozen. My good points included accepting my program,
although I still had no idea how to really apply the program to my life. I admitted I am
powerless over drugs. I said the right words, but knew I was lying. The goals were real general,
relate in at least three raps, don’t get angry, and have a “positive” day. Looking back on it, it
seems so silly.
That night, I shaved my moustache. I really didn’t want to, but I did it to make my
Oldcomer happy with me. He thought I was making a breakthrough.
The next morning, I returned to the building. I still didn’t like being there, but slowly; I
was getting used to it.
I learned the Chain of Command on this day. It was one of the rules I was expected to
memorize.

Director
Benjamin Stafford
Assistant Director
Anthony Williamson
Program Coordinator
Patty Miller
Group Staff Supervisor
Peggy
Senior Staff
Scott
Junior Staff
Lee
Mark
Sue
Pamela
Staff Trainee
Gary
I took an immediate liking to Scott and Pamela. They seemed really nice. I always felt
more comfortable when they were leading the rap sessions. I knew I could talk about just about
anything in front of them. Mr. Stafford was different from any of the other Staff Members I had
met up to this point. He was a quiet gentleman. I never heard him raise his voice to anyone.
Mr. Williamson was one man I never knew how to take. He rarely smiled, he never seemed
happy, yet there was something about him that motivated me. He had been straight for 13 ½
years. I thought it would be great to be able to stay sober that long. But I was scared of him for
some reason. The one phrase he always said was “If you woke up before me, you’ve been
straight longer than I have.” Mark appeared to be a nice enough guy, but for whatever reason, I
was very intimidated by him. I was always afraid that he would want to make my program
harder than it needed to be. Lee was the Christian of the group. Not that other Staff Members
weren’t it’s just that he wasn’t afraid to share his faith. Sue was a very pretty young lady and
always treated me nicely. She was firm but fair. Peggy was a pistol. She had long red hair and
very skinny. She was very loud and aggressive. She was the most confrontive and feared Staff
Member of all of them. Gary was still on 5 th Phase but considered a Staff member. He was a
giant at the age of 17 he was also one of the most understanding Staff Members. He always
treated me well.
I remember the first time I was confronted. I was stood up and asked about my hair. I
was a little confused as to why someone would be concerned about my hair. It seems that these
people have this idea that Druggies part their hair down the middle. I have always parted my
hair on the side. The Staff Members accused me of parting my hair on the side to “make the
group feel good about you”. I told everyone that I had always parted my hair on the side and
that it wasn’t possible for me to part my hair down the middle. Several Clients, as they were
called on, yelled at me and told me I needed to get honest about my motives for parting my hair
on the side. I started getting mad and I didn’t hold back. I started yelling back insisting that I
was telling the truth about my hair. I don’t remember how long I was confronted but eventually
I was told to sit down. I was very upset.

After a long day I was taken back home. When my Oldcomers went over my MI that
night, I learned that he had taken the rule, no talking behind backs, a step further. I had written
names in my MI, and when he read it, he made me scratch the names out. I did as I was told
but thought it was a little extreme. After all, no one else was going to be reading these things.
Another thing that Jack always gave me a hard time with was the way I talked. He
referred to it as “Druggie slang.” Using words like “Man”, “Dude”, “Bomb”, “Cool”, & others
seemed to bother him every time I used them. Playing the “Air drums or guitar” was another
thing Jack insisted come to a stop. It would be a long time before that happened.
I remember having trouble during rap sessions. A Staff Member would ask the group a
question and ask us to relate to it. I would struggle trying to remember specific incidents that I
thought would relate to what we were talking about. I was always afraid that I was going to get
in trouble. If I didn’t motivate, I was afraid that I would be confronted for not being involved. If
I did motivate and was called on and then didn’t know what to say, I was afraid that I would get
confronted for not being honest. The way I saw it, I was going to lose either way. So in most
cases, I opted to just sit there.
At some point during my first week or so there, I looked back to listen to someone talk
and suddenly realized that I knew someone I went to high school with. I later learned that he
was nearly killed in a bad car accident. He wasn’t expected to walk again, but there he was. I
couldn’t believe it.
One day the Staff had just finished a Morning Rap. Scott looked over at me and said, “I
understand you play the piano.” I nodded my head that I did. He asked “Would you like to play
something for the Group” I walked over to the piano and sat down and played the melody of a
song I had written to Denise. It was great to play again. I hadn’t played since I was at her
house. When I was finished, the Group applauded. When their applause died out, I could hear
more applause. It was the St. Petersburg group. I remember thinking that it was pretty cool.
Later that same day I was asked to play for the St. Petersburg group. As I was playing, I
remember thinking that if anyone should find out that I wrote this song to my Druggie girlfriend,
I might never be allowed to play again. I had a blast playing for everyone. It was probably the
first time I was happy since I had been there.
On another day between raps, Lee came up to me and said he wanted to talk to me. I
got up expecting him to grab my belt loop. He didn’t do it. He and I walked out the door,
leading outside. He asked me how I liked being here. I told him that I know that I needed to be
here, but I was scared to talk in the group. He said that he noticed that I wasn’t always
motivating and wanted to know why. I explained that I was having a hard time remembering
specific incidents that I thought related to the rap. He told me that he understood. He said it
would take time but eventually I would be able to remember more as I went along. He asked me
if I could talk about my sex life. I told him I didn’t have one. He was impressed that I had not
had sex. I was embarrassed. He told me that he thought I was a neat person and cared a lot
about me. He gave me a hug and we went back inside. For whatever reason I knew that he was
being honest with me and really cared for me.
December 11, 1981, was the first Homes Rap I could ask for something. I basically just
told the group that I deserved “Talk” because I was at least putting forth an effort to talk to the
Group. I knew I didn’t deserve it and needless to say I was strongly confronted by everyone. I
earned nothing that night. My parents stood me up during the Open Meeting and told me that I
wasn’t being honest when I did my 2 nd Newcomer introduction. My dad told me that I wasn’t
going to be coming home until I was straight. I was so devastated I sat down and bawled my
eyes out. Todd put his arm around me and tried to console me. It was one of the worst days
since being there.
During the Open Meeting Review, I was strongly confronted and told that I needed to
get honest with my introductions in the future. After they were finished with me, Staff started
talking about another Newcomer in the group. From what I remember this person had stabbed
his Oldcomer in the back of the head with an ink pen. I couldn’t believe it. People were getting
hurt here just because others don’t want to be here. I remember praying that I didn’t get put in

a Foster Home with someone like that in the house. Oldcomers and Newcomers were coppingout
every day I remember waking up in the middle of the night, terrified that my Oldcomers
would be gone. Every time I woke up I looked to see if they were still there.
Over the next ten days, I started working harder. I earned “Talk” for the first time on
December 18, 1981. I was never happier to be able to talk to my parents for the first time since I
had been there. But three days later, I earned nothing again. I was not very consistent.
I often thought about ways I could cop-out. Ideas about how I could cop-out were real
irrational. There were skylights in the ceiling in the main auditorium at least 30-40 feet above
the ground. I would fantasize about climbing up the I-beams and busting out of the skylights. I
also thought about charging the doors and kicking the Oldcomers who were standing there,
through the door and leaving the building. I know, they are crazy thoughts, some of the most
irrational stuff I had ever thought before, but when you’re in a place like this, that’s the kind of
thoughts that run through a persons mind. I wanted out of there so bad, I felt like I could do just
about anything to get out. But the problem was, I had no idea where to go if and when I ever
did get out. I didn’t know how to get home. I had no friends or relatives that lived in Florida. So
I was stuck. Knowing that I would never really leave.
One evening after Group Jack was taking me out to the truck, I tripped over something
in the parking lot. Jack got mad and slammed me into the side of the truck and started yelling at
me. He accused me of trying to cop-out. I was in tears and started yelling back at him and told
him that I wasn’t trying to leave. It was a bitter argument. Eventually he put me in the truck
and the subject was dropped. He didn’t say a word to me the entire ride home. While we were
eating our snack later that evening, Jack realized that he was wrong and knew that I hadn’t tried
to cop-out. In his own little way, he made amends for the incident.
As Christmas was approaching I remember being able to watch the Christmas specials on
TV. I remember feeling appreciative to be able to watch TV. But to be honest, I really believed I
didn’t deserve to watch the TV shows. I enjoyed it nonetheless.
During a Friday night Open Meeting Jack was promoted to Staff Trainee. After the Open
Meeting, I remember asking him, “So, Dude, what’s it like to be on Staff Trainee” Jack got
extremely mad at me for using druggie slang. He and I started having problems at home after
this. I will never forget the next morning when he dropped me off in the Intake room. I turned
around to hug him. Jack started yelling at me about how I was breaking the Chain of Command.
I panicked and raised my hand to him. He yelled that he was a Staff Trainee and I was breaking
Chain of Command. I started to cry and when he saw this he asked what I wanted. I said, “All I
want is a hug.” Jack looked embarrassed and came back in the room and hugged me, but I
could tell it was a bother for him to do it. I was hurt and just sat down and cried. When
someone in the room tried to find out what was wrong I just told them I didn’t want to talk about
it.
On December 26, 1981 I learned that I was going to be moved to a different Foster
Home. I should’ve been happy. But I was not. I wanted to stay. I really thought that Jack
wanted me out of the house and had made a request to have me moved. I was really scared that
I would be placed in a home with a violent Newcomer who would hurt me. I was terrified. I
remember the next morning before going to the building; I cried and told Jack that I loved him.
It must have been his day off because Stan took me in to the building. I never saw Jack or Stan
once I was dropped off in the Intake room.
I have absolutely no recollection of the Oldcomer I lived with for the rest of my time in
St. Petersburg. I remember that Steve a 5 th Phaser in the Cincinnati Group was in a room with
some other Oldcomers but as far as who took me home and where we went, who went over my
MI’s, where I slept, I don’t remember at all.
Toward the end of the year a Third Phaser and I were asked to get together and write a
song to the St. Petersburg group. We worked on this for a few days and we taught it to
everyone in the Group. This kid I worked with was about 14 or 15 years old. He was clean-cut.
I would never have guessed that he really needed to be there.

On January 5, 1982 I spent my last day in the St. Petersburg building. I don’t remember
anything until we were getting ready to leave. We sang the song that I had helped to write to
the St. Petersburg group and then we were seated on the far end of the auditorium on the floor.
I remember seeing a young kid that had come into the program on the same day I had. He was
fifteen years old. I crawled over to him and started talking to him. I think he was still on first
phase and I knew that what I was doing was against the rules, but I really wanted to talk to him.
I told him that I knew he could make it through the program and that I would come back to visit
him on my 5 th phase vacation. I expected him to be on 5 th phase too. He assured me he would
be. I reached over and hugged him good-bye. I never saw him again.
We were taken to the airport and flew to Landry airport just outside of town. When we
landed I looked out the window as we taxied to a stop. What I saw brought tears to my eyes.
Out on the landing pad were two buses from the church I attended. I couldn’t believe it. We
were loaded on the bus and driven to a church down the street from my church. We were given
Foster Home assignments from there. My new Oldcomer was Steve. He took me home and
introduced me to his parents.
Steve was a great guy. He was a year older than I was. I was certain that I had known
him from my past, before drugs. I asked him if he was ever a member of the YMCA and if he
often hung out at the outdoor pool, diving. He said he had. For the first time in a long time I
slept real well. I was back in familiar territory. The next day was going to be historic. Straight,
Inc. Cincinnati was going to be open for business. I was excited.

Amer ica’s most controversia l Drug Re hab.
First Phase- Cincinnati, Ohio
January 6, 1982 was the first day of operation for the Cincinnati Straight, Inc. There
were 55 clients. I was very proud to be one of them. I was still on first phase and was
disappointed in that but I felt more comfortable knowing I was in an area I was familiar with.
Steve and his parents drove us to the building for the first day. Again, I was placed in an
intake room. There were six intake rooms. Thankfully there was more room for us and we
weren’t so cramped in there. The Group room, although not nearly as big as the St. Petersburg
group room, was more than sufficient. Brand new signs with the steps hung on the wall. There
was a double door that led into the group room, bathrooms, a drinking fountain, a time-out
room, and an infirmary, which had two beds. A door leading to the Senior and Junior Staff
offices, another door leading down a narrow hall to the intake rooms, a kitchen area, and one
other door that led to the Carpet Room. It was a small room, but adequate for our needs.
At lunchtime we were not served food from a caterer, but rather we packed our lunches
and were served orange juice or grapefruit juice to drink. Dinners were great. I will always
remember being served hot meals for a change. At some point I remember hearing about the
drinks we were served. Staff had ordered 50 cases of orange juice and 50 cases of grapefruit
juice. What we got was 100 cases of grapefruit juice. The Group was “regular” for months as a
result of that mistake.
On January 8, 1982 I put in through the chain of command to be called on during the
“past” part of raps. I was always being called on in the future part and didn’t think I was getting
a lot accomplished. I was still having problems remembering parts of my past that related to the
rap topic, but at least I was trying to work on it.
Steve was really great. He and I worked hard on my program. He really took a lot of
time going over my MI’s. If it wasn’t a good one, he made me write it again. He and I got along
more like brothers rather than Oldcomer/Newcomer. The one thing I will always remember was
the alarm clock. Steve had a smoke detector hooked up to a digital timer. He called it “The
Beast.” Was it ever loud! I can tell you we never overslept.
On January 8, 1982 was the first Open Meeting. I earned Talk. The one thing that was
different from the St. Petersburg Open Meetings was the fact that they went so fast. I think that
the first Open Meeting, including the Open Meeting Review was over by no later than 10:30pm.
It was nice to get back home and in bed at a decent hour. I remember lying in bed that night
thinking that the St. Petersburg group was still in the middle of the Open Meeting and hadn’t
even started the Open Meeting Review yet. With that, I dozed off to sleep.
During my time in Cincinnati I started seeing things that I hadn’t seen in St. Petersburg. I
suppose this was because there wasn’t a lot of room to in the smaller room in St. Petersburg. I
started seeing people “misbehave”. They would sometimes fight when they were asked to sit up
or pay attention. Others would yell out and disrupt the rap. When another person in group tried
to get the person to stop, they would start fighting and hitting them, this resulted in about 4 or 5
people taking the misbehavior and dragging them to the side of group where they would be sat
on. One person would sit on each limb and sometimes a 5 th person sat on their chest. It was a
terrifying thing to see. I can distinctly remember not being allowed to watch what was going on.
We had to stay focused on what was going on up front. The raps would continue as if nothing
was going on. I can tell you that every single incident I witnessed where misbehaviors were
restrained; the misbehavior started the fight and posed a threat to the safety of others in Group.
Some of the restraint sessions resulted in broken bones both the misbehaviors and the person
doing the restraining. Some people were restrained for hours, others only a few moments. After
most of the restraining sessions, the misbehavior would stand up and later make amends to the
group for his outburst. Other people would try to run for a door in order to cop-out. In seconds
they were tackled violently to the ground.

One thing I remember the Staff doing to embarrass or humiliate a person was what I call
“Name Changing”. A misbehavior would be made to sit on the girl’s side of group and was given
a female name. Robert was now Robin, Don was now Donna, and Jack was Jacquelyn and so
on. Although nothing like this ever happened to me, I remember thinking that I wouldn’t mind
sitting next to some of the girls. But I was compliant and I was never told to sit on the girl’s
side.
I confronted someone for the very first time in Cincinnati. It was during what was called
a Confrontation Rap. This took the place of a regularly scheduled rap and just one person was
singled out. A girl named Marsha had not been involved in the raps, was misbehaving daily and
frankly the Group was tired of it. At one point I was called on. I stood up. I was scared to
death. I had never done anything like this before. I basically told her that I didn’t appreciate
how she was wasting my time having to deal with her crappy attitude. I then said, “I can’t
respect someone like you for doing this.” She began tearing up for the first time since the start
of this rap. Shortly afterward, she told the Group that she would start getting involved again and
made amends to the Group.
A few weeks after we moved to the Cincinnati area I learned that the Staff was required
to do a home inspection. This ensured that Newcomers could be kept safely at home with little
chance of copping out. I was excited about the possibility that Lee would be coming over. I
knew that I didn’t want Mark there. About an hour later the doorbell rang and when the door
was opened I heard Mark’s voice. I felt sick to my stomach. I tried to hide the fact that I didn’t
like him. I talked about myself as much as I could, but I was doing it to make him feel good
about me. The whole time he was there my heart was in my throat. I was a nervous wreck. He
couldn’t leave too soon for me.
Over the weeks that I stayed with my Oldcomer, I grew especially close to my Foster
Mom. She was so easy to talk to. I didn’t have this type of relationship with my first Foster
Mom. I could talk to her about anything, she has a great gift of listening and she encouraged me
a great deal.
On January 15 I earned Talk again. After the talk I was confronted because I wasn’t
really sharing a lot of feelings. It wasn’t really a bad confrontation. It was done in such a way
that it was something that I needed to take into consideration. When I sat down I actually felt
better and could focus on how to make my next talk more productive.
Some Newcomer’s were still causing problems in Group. I remember one event like it
happened yesterday. Once, during exercise rap Peggy was working us hard. We were doing situps.
At one point, she was yelling at us to push ourselves harder. I was in pain as my stomach
burned. Suddenly another Newcomer yelled out, “Fuck you!” I immediately stopped doing the
sit ups because I knew he was going to be confronted. True to form she stood him up and the
confrontation began. I was always careful to show the Staff the respect that they demanded
even though I knew not all of them deserved it.
The next day something clicked. I ‘m not sure what the events were that led up to this
point, but suddenly it was like a curtain had lifted that before now, obstructed my view of the
obvious. The whole program began to make sense. I understood how the steps worked. I knew
how to make the needed changes. I started myself over day one. I set the goal to be on 2 nd
Phase on day 70.
On January 18, I asked for “Nothing.” I explained to the group that I had started myself
over and that I really didn’t deserve anything because I thought I was not doing enough. I went
on to explain that the program had just started making sense to me. I was shocked when I got
Talk that night.
I was excited about my progress. I continued to work hard in every aspect of my
program. I even started helping other people out in the group. In the next Homes Rap, I asked
for and got Talk. In the following Homes Rap I asked for and got Talk and Responsibilities.
Then it happened. On January 29 I asked for Home for the very first time. I got TNR.
That night I got extremely mad. I didn’t hold back and try to hide my anger. I was convinced
that I was more than ready to go home but I didn’t achieve my goal.

The next morning, Peggy stepped out of the office and stood in the back of the Group. I
knew as soon as she started making eye contact with the Staff Members up front and they
started looking at me, I was going to be confronted. My heart was bounding like crazy. I was
terrified. “Don Smith…Stand up.” I slowly stood. Peggy really laid into me confronting me about
the attitude I copped at my Oldcomers house. I acknowledged that I was upset because I didn’t
get to go home last night. In true Peggy style she started a pity party for me that the Group
eagerly got in on. “1-2-3 Ah” I was visibly upset by this and tears swelled in my eyes. Then she
said “You know what We were going to send you home Monday but after your little temper
tantrum you’re going to have to wait. Have a seat.” I sat down as those words echoed in my
head.
Peggy was true to her word. On February 1 I asked for Home and got TNR again. I
was still upset, but I didn’t let it show. On February 5 again, I asked for Home and got TNR. I
was really mad at this point but I knew that Staff was watching for me to react. But I didn’t. I
continued to work hard. I wasn’t going to let her beat me.
Finally February 8 I put in for Home. I made it. The one thing I remember was how I
had always looked forward to running clear across the room at full speed to my parents. My
parents came into the Open Meeting room and sat just three rows back and I was on the second
row almost directly across from them. So my long run turned into nothing more than a short jog
to my parents. But I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to finally be off 1 st Phase. I had worked
really hard, I knew I would have to remain consistent and not let up. I didn’t want to ever be
back on 1 st Phase.
During the Open Meeting Review, Steve came up to me, hugged me, and told me he was
proud of me. I thanked him for all the help and support he gave me. Then he told me that I
had to have a Dime Therapy list. This list is used by all Oldcomers to call someone for help,
support or advise in case of any problems. The Dime Therapy list consisted of three 4 th Phasers,
two 5 th Phasers, and one Staff Trainee. I insisted that Steve’s number be on the list as a 5 th
Phaser. I also wanted Todd’s number on the list.
When we were dismissed I made my way out to the parking lot to find my parents. I
was hoping that I would see my old car out there, but I wasn’t too surprised to see they were
driving something else. I got in the car and asked where my car was. They told me they had
gotten rid of it. My parents considered giving it to my sister, but were concerned for her safety.
They thought that a lot of people knew my car and would mistake my sister for me because of
the car. They thought it would be best to sell the car and get it out of the family.
On the way home my mom told me something that absolutely shocked me. After the
Open Meeting, Peggy came up to my parents and told them they even though I had done and
said all the right things, Staff was still not 100% convinced that I was really ready to go home.
But they were willing to take the chance. If there were any problems, Staff should be called at
once and they would take care of me. At first, I was hurt. After all, the Staff that I trusted and
loved didn’t seem to trust me. Before the end of the night, I decided that I wasn’t going to let
that get me down. I was going to prove them wrong.
After we got home, we had a snack. We stayed up really late. I talked with my family in
a way I hadn’t done in years. I wrote my MI and learned that Pamela and I were on 1 st Phase the
same number of days. 73. Soon, it was time for bed. My parents showed me to my room.
They had moved me into my sister’s old room in preparation for Newcomers in the future. The
room was bigger. The door- knob was turned so that it locked from the outside. The windows
were screwed shut too. My parents thought it would be a good idea to lock me in my room for
the first couple of nights. It would be two weeks before I could leave the door unlocked. I really
didn’t have a problem with it. I was asleep in a matter of moments.

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab
Second & Third Phase
PHASE #2
CLIENT IS WORKING ON HIMSELF/HERSELF AND FAMILY
The Client will be living at home attending Straight from 9:00am to 9:00pm Monday
through Saturday. Sunday from 2:00pm to 9:00pm.
1) Again, no making or receiving telephone calls, letters, etc. No television, radio, or
reading (except the Bible)
2) The Client is not permitted to have visitors, nor is the parents or siblings to have
visitors while the Client is in the home.
3) The responsibility is now for the parents to get the Client to and from Straight
promptly at the designated times.
4) NO stops offs are permitted to or from Straight and the Client is not permitted to
leave the actual house other than going to Straight.
5) The Client may at this time have a Newcomer sometime after adjusting to home and
family.
6) Again, Moral Inventory is mandatory daily.
7) DIME T HERAPY
Explanation: To be used in emergencies only. The Client will have three (3) or more
phone numbers of Clients on Phase 4 or 5 of the program, which he/she can use for
an emergency problem that might arise in the home. A parent must dial the phone
number; get the 4 th or 5 th Phaser on the phone before letting the Client talk.
On second phase I was no longer led around by the belt loop and I could wear a belt.
What a relief. The only thing I was allowed to read was the Bible. Watching TV and listening to
the radio were still prohibited. The only way I could make a phone call was to have my mom or
dad call the person on my dime-therapy list and make sure that person was on the line before
getting on the phone to talk. Sending or receiving mail was still not allowed. I was not allowed
to go outside except when going to Straight.
An Oldcomer is given a lot of responsibility around the building. Standing at a door was
one of the most important responsibilities an Oldcomer could have. While standing at a door one
must keep a constant watch on the Group. I was responsible for determining who could enter or
leave the group room. Staff Members and the Runner were always allowed to come and go as
needed without hesitation. As the Staff Member approached the door I had to be able to tell if
he/she was going to be leaving the room. As soon as I knew for sure I opened the door very
quickly. As soon as the Staff Member cleared the door, I shut to it as fast as possible, all the
while never taking my eyes off the Group. If another Client wanted to leave the room he/she
stood next to the door and both of us would raise our hands toward the Staff Members in front of
the Group. Only after the Staff gave permission to leave the room was the door opened for them
to exit. The most obvious danger while standing at a door was the possibility that someone from
the Group could attempt to rush the door trying to cop-out. It was my responsibility to block the
attempt. In most cases though, anyone attempting such a feat would be met by several other
Clients tackling the person to the floor and restraining them until they were willing to sit back
down in their chair. This was often followed by a strong confrontation and in some cases,
disciplinary action. The average time someone would stand at a door was 4 hours, however it
wasn’t unusual for me to stand at a door all day long.

Another job that an Oldcomer might be called upon to do is a Runner. A Runner was
stationed at the reception area. He/she would wear a badge, often designed by other Runners,
which identified the person as a Runner. The Runner would take telephone and other messages
to Staff Members throughout the building. The Runner is the only person that can, in effect,
break the Chain Of Command. He/she can approach any Staff Member regardless of Title in
order to get a message to them. The Runner had to know the building pretty well, as Staff
Members can be just about anywhere. When the Runner finds the Staff Member he/she stands
about five feet away and raises his hand to the side to get the Staff Members attention. When
the Staff Member acknowledges the Runner, he/she approaches the Staff Member and gives the
message to them. As soon as it is delivered, the Runner quickly returns to the reception area.
When not running messages, he/she usually talks with the Phoner, a 4 th or 5 th Phaser who is
responsible for answering the phones. A Runner could also come and go from the Group room
without having to get Staff permission to leave.
An Oldcomer is also responsible for leading Newcomers around the building. The first
thing that is learned is exactly how to effectively hold onto a Newcomer by his/her belt loop. To
do this the Oldcomer would take his/her prominent hand and place the middle finger sideways
through the very rear belt loop. The belt-loop should go all the way to the bottom of the finger.
From there the hand is turned so the fingers are pointing to the small of the Newcomers back.
All four fingers should be placed inside the pants as a fist is made. The Newcomer is secure and
most attempts by the Newcomer to escape will be thwarted. An experienced Oldcomer can safely
handle two Newcomers, one in each hand.
The main objective on 2 nd Phase is to establish a good family relationship. I was
expected to be open and honest about everything that was going on in my life. I could talk
about anything, even what happened in the Group that day so long as names weren’t mentioned.
I told my parents how I was treated in St. Petersburg and shared about the different things I was
confronted for. I told them of people attempting to cop-out. I told them about people getting sat
on if they weren’t doing what was expected. I even told them about the Newcomer in St. Pete
that stabbed his Oldcomer in the head.
My sister and I became closer than we had ever been before. She was so relived that I
was finally getting the help that I needed and was proud of the accomplishments thus far.
I remember on February 10, I was in the car with my dad as he was driving me to the
building. In the past, he and I hardly spoke when riding in the car. I suddenly realized it was
happening again. We sat there, silent. The silence was almost deafening. Not a word spoken. I
began to get scared. I started to cry and apologized to my dad. He and I started talking about
how the incident felt. We had a great talk the rest of the way to the building. When I got in the
Group room, I stood up and immediately started talking about the incident. I felt proud of myself
for recognizing the need for the change and how quickly it was resolved.
One day I noticed a new Newcomer was being brought into the Group room. I was
shocked to see it was Ted. You see Ted and I dated my girlfriend. In fact on the night that she
and I went to a school dance, Ted showed up and wanted to get her back. I was terrified that
he would beat me up. Ted is a rather large guy. Now, here he was in Straight. The Staff
Member that brought him in explained that Ted really wanted to be here. He brought his parents
here to sign him in. He was seventeen.
On February 12 was probably the worse day on 2 nd Phase for me. I was selected to
stand at a door during the Open Meeting. I was standing next to another Oldcomer. I wasn’t
there for more than 10 minutes. Suddenly, I was being replaced at the door. I was confused. I
sat down in the group, a little upset that I wasn’t going to be standing at a door. Just before the
Open Meeting started, a 5 th Phaser said that I had been reported for rocking out at the door. I
was stunned. I know damn well I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary. I asked the 5 th
Phaser who said this. He said Tim reported me. This guy was still on 5 th Phase but was
promoted to Trainee. He was very arrogant and not many people like him. “Big surprise” I
thought. I asked the 5 th Phaser if he personally saw me rocking out. He said “no”.

During the Open Meeting review, I was stood up and Tim started the confrontation. I
really don’t remember how long it was, thinking back on it, I want to say that I stood up for
myself and denied any wrongdoing. But as I read my MI from that night, I must have given in to
the group. But today I can tell you; I did not rock out at the door that night. The next few days
met with more confrontations. I was beginning to get frustrated. I remember times when I
didn’t want to be at Straight, Inc. anymore. I remember days that I refused to motivate and talk
with the Group. This only led to more confrontations. Looking back, I am really surprised I
wasn’t started over.
During another Open Meeting, I remember “carving” on my arms. I used my fingernails
to mark on myself. I was carving Denise’s name into my arm. There were other things I carved
as well, but do not remember what it was. By the end of the Open Meeting, both my arms were
swollen and red from all the carvings. My arms throbbed in pain. I was never confronted about
this, but I remember preparing myself for it. Peggy had announced to the group that I was
getting a Newcomer. I was excited about this prospect and the Newcomer was happy about it
too. But someone raised their hand and told her that they didn’t feel comfortable with the idea
of me taking a Newcomer home right now because I had spent the Open Meeting carving on
myself. I suddenly realized my little game during the Open Meeting was going to have
consequences. Peggy told me to stand up. I could feel every eye on my arms. I was
embarrassed and ashamed. She looked at me and with a disgusted gruffness in her voice said,
“What the fuck is wrong with you” I just stood there and shrugged my shoulders and said, “I
don’t know.” Then she said something that absolutely shocked me. She said, “Have a seat.” I
couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t confronted, I wasn’t disciplined or anything. I remember telling
myself that I would never carve again. I lost an opportunity to have a Newcomer and didn’t
want to take a chance like that again.
On February 22 I put in for 3 rd Phase. I’m not really sure why I put in for it. After all the
second week on 2 nd Phase was awful. So I wasn’t really surprised when I didn’t get it. That
night I learned I really needed to slow down and accept the fact that my program was going to
be longer then I wanted it to be. I was too anxious to get out.
I remember times when I was confronted because I wasn’t “sharing my feelings.” I was
really doing pretty well but there was no convincing the Group or Staff. It got to the point that I
had to make stuff up and out right lie to them. When I was pushed for an answer lying was the
only thing I could do some times. But that’s the kind of thing that happened to everyone. I
learned that as long as feeling words were mentioned when I related, the Group was happy and
for the most part the Staff was too.
I remember my parents getting letters from June. She was happy that I was getting
help and she told them that she was looking forward to seeing me when I got out. I thought
about her just about everyday. She was a real emotional support for me. But at the same time I
missed Denise and thought of her often.
Finally, on March 5, 1982 I put in for and made 3 rd Phase. I was really looking forward
to getting a job so I could get away from the group for a while each day. But that would be
easier said then done.

Third Phase
PHASE #3
THE CLIENT IS WORKING ON HIMSELF/HERSELF, FAMILY AND ACHIEVEMENT
This is the Phase the Client returns to school or work. The Client is to come
directly to Straight from school or work.
1) When not attending school or work the Client is required to be at Straight, 7
days a week
2) Again, no making or receiving telephone calls, letters, etc. (exception- Dime
Therapy) At this time the Client may read, listen to the radio and watch TV
Parents should monitor and supervise reading material, television and music.
This is all with PARENT CONSENT.
3) Again, the Client or family may not have visitors.
4) The responsibility again is the parents to get the Client to and from Straight,
Inc. promptly at the designated times.
5) If the Client is to return to work, Staff must check out the job and they will
notify you.
6) Doctor and dental as check-ups, not only emergencies, can be scheduled.
The Client takes the initiative using the permission procedure.
7) Again, Moral Inventory is mandatory daily.
On 3 rd Phase I could wear a watch, listen to the radio, watch TV, and could read. Anyone
16 years of age or older could obtain a Driving Permission but most Clients that drove were out
of High School and at least 18. I was now expected to get a job. I was looking forward to
getting out and working again. In order to apply for a job, I had to obtain permission from Staff
to go job hunting.
These permission forms were very detailed. They were set up to teach one
responsibility. I had to put the permission form in at least 72 hours in advance. I had to state
what date I intended to go on this permission, what I intended to do on this permission, who I
was going with, when I was leaving and what time I expected to return to the building.
When I wasn’t out looking for a job, I was required to be in the building 7 days a week.
Often times, I was one of a very few Oldcomers in the building. Most of them were in school. I
often times led the mini-raps in the Intake room in the morning. I loved doing this and in fact
started toying with the idea of becoming a Staff Member in the future. I was also chosen to stand
at a door most of the time.
Up to this point I didn’t have a Newcomer, I really wanted one. I finally got my first one
on March 12, 1982. Although I don’t remember his name, he was one of the worst cases I had
seen in the program. I got him home and while I was writing my MI, he started getting sick. His
emesis was purple. He was addicted to Heroin and was now going through withdraws. I was
scared to death for his well being. My parents called Staff. Someone came and took him to the
hospital. I never saw him again. I was a little leery about taking another Newcomer for a while.

On that same night Steve was 7 th Stepped. I remember saying good bye to him and that
I would get with him once I got out of the program.
My next Newcomer was 19 or 20. He had a long brown beard and looked scary to me. I
remember not sleeping a wink that night convinced that he would try to attack me and leave my
house. I put in for another Newcomer and explained the fear I had.
On March 13, 1982 I wrote my MI about showing more appreciation for the Group and
for Straight, Inc. I wrote that I honestly believed that if it weren’t for the program that I would
be in jail, or dead. Then I wrote “The tough love that is given and the peer pressure is
amazingly effective in getting Druggies straight.” “The Group doesn’t let things slide by either.
Inner motivation as well as outer motivation and the desire to live a better life is the key to
getting straight, not just drug-free.”
Believe it or not, I was still having a great deal of trouble relating in group on rap topics.
It was very frustrating. Then, on March 17, 1982, I was confronted about this issue and was told
to relax about it and don’t let it bother me any more. I was not going to be punished in any way
for not having something to talk about. I can’t tell you how relieved I was. As it turned out, a
lot of people were having the same kind of problem.
One day after exercise rap I was standing near the 5 th Phase Desk. A person in the
program who had been on 3 rd Phase, and who had recently been started over was misbehaving.
Sue had noticed that his zipper was down. “Put your zipper up.” she requested. He looked at her
and with a smirk on his face asked, “Why Do you feel…Powerless” Inside, I really wanted to
bust out laughing. But seeing as how she was standing right next to me, I knew that if she
heard me laugh I would be confronted next. So I pretended to be mad at him for showing her
disrespect. To this day, I think it was the funniest statement every uttered to a Staff Member.
Although I don’t recall the exact date, it must have been around this time that Cathie
made Staff Trainee. One other change was made that involved the Group Staff Supervisor. That
position was no longer considered an Executive Staff Position.
On March 28, 1982 my mom showed me a newspaper clipping. As I read it, I felt a wave
of shock come over me. A guy that I did drugs with from time to time had been shot while
running from a yard after looting a car. The 40-year-old owner of the car fired a single .38 bullet
at him, hitting him in the head. He was in serious condition at General Hospital. I believe he
made a full recovery. It made me thankful that I was off the streets and in here, getting some
help.
I continued to look for a job. A few more possibilities came up, but nothing definite. At
this point, I had spent the better part of 129 days in group. Nearly 1,477 hours. But that was all
about to change.
On April 5, 1982 I made 4 th Phase. Now I was able to have 3 days off a week. I could
hardly wait.

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab.
Fourth Phase
PHASE #4
THE CLIENT IS WORKING ON HIMSELF/HERSELF, FAMILY, ACHIEVEMENT, AND
LEISURE T IME AND FRIENDSHIPS.
The Client will still be living at home and attending school or work and will be required to
be at Straight four (4) afternoons and nights a week, only one (1) being an Open
Meeting night, and one (1) weekend day a week for a minimum of 90 days.
1) The Client may make phone calls at this time.
2) No old drug-using friends or hangouts.
3) Responsibility for transportation of Foster children is the parents and Client on 4 th
Phase.
4) If the Client is of age to drive, he/she may ask Staff for permission.
5) He/She must write Staff three (3) days in advance for permission to go anywhere.
The parent’s approval must be on the permission first.
6) Moral Inventories, again, are mandatory on a daily basis.
I was glad to be on 4 th Phase. There were a lot of people that I had wanted
to get to know better and was looking forward to going out on “permissions” with them. It
needs to be explained here that in order for two people to go out anywhere together, a
permission had to be filled out and approved by a Senior Staff Member. The permissions were to
be handed in at least 72 hours in advance of the day of the outing. A parent must accompany
the Clients during the permission.
Fourth Phasers had three days off a week. The schedule was posted and maintained by
Senior Staff. This was the start of what was called “controlled withdraw” from the Program. This
allowed a Client to start dealing with everyday problems on their own without the idea of having
to go to the Group.
Fourth Phasers sat in their own section of the group room directly across from the main
group. It was known as the 4 th Phase side. I am not sure why a special side was created for the
4 th Phasers. Perhaps it helped motivate the rest of the group, maybe just create more room in
the main group. I really don’t know.
An additional responsibility that I could do now was Phoner. A Phoner answered the
phone in the main reception area and transfers calls or sends messages through the Runner for
Staff Members. It was understood that confidentiality was to be maintained through out my
shift. I wouldn’t be allowed to talk about anything I heard on the phone with anyone, including
the Runner. One 4 th Phaser got into a lot of trouble because she was caught reading through old
messages. Between calls it is common to talk to the Runner and share what changes we are
working on. I looked at it as an opportunity to help a 2 nd or 3 rd Phaser get to the next phase in
his program.
One day Ted was the Runner for me. We talked a lot about Denise. He told me that
after I came into the program he and Denise got back together. But during a dance a song came
on that made her think of me. She ran out of the dance in tears. Ted told me that she missed
me very much. I still thought of her too, but I knew better than to tell Ted. He would certainly
go to a Staff member and report me for having thoughts. Yes, it could get that ridiculous.

A common practice among 4 th Phasers was writing letters back and forth between other
4 th and 5 th Phasers. Letters must be written to members of the same sex. Most of the time
content of the letters were changes we were working on, expressing a desire to be better friends,
permissions we wanted to go on, and goals that we have. 4 th Phasers were also permitted to
write and receive letters and cards from family members and some friends outside the Program.
Friends not in the program had to be approved by Staff.
My second day on 4 th Phase was a challenge. I had put in permission and it was denied.
I later learned that the Permission was denied because I had to make up a day from 3 rd Phase,
when I failed to sign back into Group. Any time someone left the building, or maybe even if one
left the Group room, he/she must sign in/out so Staff knows where you are. Another challenge I
faced on this day was being replaced as Phoner less than fifteen minutes after being selected. I
took it in stride and returned to the Group for guy’s rap. For some reason, I thought maybe I was
being tested.
In addition to the responsibilities I had around the building as a 4 th Phaser, was the
addition of responsibilities outside the group. It was called “Fostering Out.” This is when I was
selected to go home with another Oldcomer, on 2 nd or 3 rd Phase and help them adjust to living at
home. It wasn’t uncommon to see families having a difficult time getting along. Some of the old
Druggie attitudes have to be dealt with before they go away. This is especially true for the
younger Clients in the program, and who had been on 1 st phase for extensive periods of time.
I will never forget my first assignment. He was 14 years old and let me tell you, he was
a handful. He had dirty blonde hair that never seemed to be combed. His complexion was pale;
his skin was dry and flaky. On the way to his house, he decided to mess with me. When I asked
him how I get to his house. He said he didn’t know how to get there. I know it took me every
bit of 1-½ hours or better before he finally gave me directions to his home. I was furious. But
for some reason, I never told anyone about the games he played. I went over his MI’s with him
and talked to his mom and dad about what was happening since he’d been home. He refused to
go to bed when he was told; he didn’t do any chores around the house, and he was always
arguing with his parents. I spent three long days there. At one point Todd was called in to help
me deal with this guy. He obviously didn’t like me, but took a liking to Todd. Hell, everyone
loved Todd.
On April 11, 1982 I went to church for the first time since entering the program. I saw a
lot of people that I hadn’t seen in a long while. Although I thought it was nice to see them all, it
seemed to me that some of them were a little reluctant to say anything to me. I will never forget
the hurt I felt because of that. I saw Penny for the first time since going into the program. As
soon as service let out, she made a beeline for the door and I wasn’t able to talk to her.
On April 13, 1982 I called Tommie, a friend that was not in the program. He and I were
best friends from 5 th Grade up until I started using drugs. Some how Staff found out that I called
him and I was strongly confronted because he wasn’t checked out. In order for me to be able to
talk to him or do anything with him, he had to come to the building and be interviewed and
approved by Staff. I was told that I had to make up a day. (Lost a day off) A few days later,
Tommie came to the building and was interviewed. I knew that Tommie drank on occasion and
wondered if he would tell Staff that. Evidently he didn’t and lied to Staff.
My Senior Minister, Steve had told me that he would come to the next Open Meeting but
he never showed up. I was hurt. He never did showed the support that I thought a Minister
should show toward his “flock” as it were.
On April 17, 1982 I learned that 4 th Phasers have our own separate raps. Once a month
the 4 th Phasers meet in a different room and talked about friendships and other concerns that a
person may be experiencing on 4 th Phase.

I had job interview working as a forklift operator on May 1, 1982. A 4 th Phaser had a dad
that worked there and did the hiring. I was excited about the possibility of spending less time in
the group room. I was tested on the forklift. I distinctly remember Pamela & Sue being there and
I didn’t hide the fact that I liked Pamela. I flirted with her and tried to impress her with my
experience as a forklift operator. I got that job as a part time forklift operator. But I didn’t
impress the Pam.
On May 2, 1982 I went on Permission with several other fourth phases. We went to the
Cincinnati Zoo. We had a blast. It was important for Clients to make good quality friendships
and do things together without doing drugs.
On May 10, 1982 history was made at Straight, Inc. Typically, a 5 th Phaser is 7 th Stepped
on Fridays. But on this night something different happened. Toward the end of the Open
Meeting, Mr. Stafford called Cathie up to the front of the Group. Cathie was still a Staff Trainee.
As she made her way toward the front of the Group, she looked nervous. No one knew what to
expect. When she got next to him, he asked her “What is your first step” Cathie immediately
began to cry. I felt a smile come to my face as I fought back tears of pride and joy. (It was
typical to have the people who are going to 7 th Step the program, recite the steps) Cathie
mumbled through the first step, stammering between the emotions and tears. Mr. Stafford
realized that Cathie was never going to make it through all 7 steps so he finally said, “What is
your 7 th Step” Cathie composed herself and proudly said “Having received the gift of awareness,
I will practice these principles in all my daily affairs and carry the message to all I can help.”
With that, Mr. Stafford announced, “Cathie, you’re 7 th Stepped.” I was one of the first ones to my
feet as the applause exploded in the room. I couldn’t be more proud. As far as I know, no one
else has ever 7 th Stepped on a Monday night.
Looking back, something bothered my while in Straight. People, including Staff
Members, made assumptions about how a client was doing based on his/her appearance. On
May 13 I was actually confronted in group because I didn’t look “enthused” and “looked
negative.” I got scared and allowed myself to feel disappointed and frustrated solely based on
one person’s opinion or perception of me. This was common and in my opinion totally wrong to
do. Oddly enough, I got my responsibilities back that day. So, on one hand, I look like crap, but
I was progressing well enough to get my responsibilities back. Confusing.
But, wouldn’t you know it; I lost my responsibilities the very next day, for a week. I was
working in the Kitchen. A 5 th Phaser told me to hurry up and get into Executive Rap. Well, I
didn’t want to go to Executive Rap. I didn’t want to have to sit on the floor Indian style for 2
hours, so I took my time and never did go to the Rap. Looking back on this incident, it amazes
and astounds me to think of what I could’ve been doing in that kitchen for 2 hours. To make
matters worse, I actually wrote in my MI, under “Good Points” what a good job I did in the
kitchen.
May 17 I was evidently angry with my Newcomer. Although I have no recollection of this
day, according to my MI, I once again carved on my arms. Again, I was not confronted for it and
no kind of disciplinary action was taken against me. I did lose an opportunity to have another
Newcomer, but it was probably best that it worked out that way. I needed to find a more
constructive way of dealing with my anger and not rely on self-mutilation. Unfortunately, it
became common for someone to do this to himself or herself. I’ve watched girls pull their hair
out, I watched guys carve on their arms with their fingernails to the point of drawing blood. I
can’t tell you exactly why I did it, nor can I speak for the others that engaged in this type of
behavior. But it was more common than anyone knew. Staff didn’t tell parents about this kind of
thing.
I will always be confused as to how discipline was handed out by Staff. One client would
get started over because they were progressing through the phases “too fast”. Yet nothing
happened to me when I carved on myself. One client would be disciplined for letting a Newcomer
cop-out, but another client who did the same thing wouldn’t. Executive Staff intervention rarely
occurred and I believe there needed to be more supervision by Executive Staff.

At some point during my 4 th Phase, Sue & Pam stopped coming to the building. I
assumed that perhaps they transferred back to the St. Petersburg Group and remained on Staff.
It would be a while before I knew for sure.
I continued to go on Permissions with a lot of different people from the Group. We had
a lot of fun. We would go to the Zoo, Amusement Parks, and Museums.
I got another job working as a forklift operator at another warehouse. I started this job
on May 25. I find it amazing that I had this job for several weeks, yet I have no recollection of
working there at all.
May 27 th will always be a day that changed my life forever. That evening, just before the
start of Evening Rap, a thought crossed my mind. “If the doors of Straight, Inc. were to close
tomorrow. Would you stay straight” My mind was completely focused on that question. During
the entire rap, I never once motivated to talk. All I could think about was that question. The
Staff Members leading the rap never called on me to find out why I wasn’t involved. I think the
Staff may have known I was going through something and needed to be left alone. At the end
of that rap, I had made my decision. I was going to be straight, one day at a time for the rest of
my life. I could have easily walked right out the door and never come back and know I would
stay straight. But I knew that I wanted to complete the program. I had never finished anything I
started and I wasn’t going to allow myself to fail at this. By God, I was going to 7 th Step this
program.
On May 30 Dennie and I went on a permission together. It was the first of many and the
start of a new friendship. Dennis came into the program from prison. He was at least two years
older than me, but prison life made him appear even older. He and I went water skiing. I
remember that he and I wanted to ski along the Ohio River from Ohio to Pennsylvania. He may
have appeared rough and sort of a bad ass, but he was a real soft- spoken gentleman. We got
along well.
On June 3, I learned another tool that was to be written by all 4 th Phasers after 50 days.
They were called R.S.A’s. Rational Self-Analysis. If memory serves me right they were suppose
to be written three nights a week for the remainder of my program. I don’t remember how they
were done, and it’s a safe bet that I didn’t do them after a few weeks.
On June 5 after dropping off my Newcomer, I was signing out of the Group for my day
off. Dean who had recently been promoted to Staff Trainee, approached me and said, “I’m
calling you into Group today. I don’t feel good about you.” I was scared. You see my driving
permission had expired at midnight. I had just put another one in that morning. “Did Dean know
that the permission had expired” “Did Dean see me drive in this morning” I thought. I
watched as he left the room. I dashed out the door and headed toward the front lobby. For a
moment I even thought of copping out. I was careful not to be seen by anyone. When I got to
the lobby I picked up the phone and called home. My dad answered the phone. “Dad, I said, I
need you to come to the building and pick up the car. I’ve been called into group and won’t be
coming home. Pick me up at 9:00pm.” My dad agreed and asked no questions. My heart was
pounding. I went straight to the intake room and waited. I spent the entire day in Group.
Terrified. I motivated constantly while at the same time praying not to get called on. A Staff
member, at one point, had asked why he hadn’t heard me share lately in Group. I said that I
had. I was waiting for a confrontation to begin, but it never happened. At the end of the day, I
picked up my newly approved driving permission, grabbed my Newcomer and headed home.
June 18 I was selected to do what was called “Parent MI’s” We actually read over the
MI’s of parents and helped them write better ones and make solid changes in their lives through
the MI’s. I always thought this was a strange practice, having kids telling parents what to do.

There were times when the number of misbehaviors in Group was more than normal.
Other people on 2 nd and 3 rd phase weren’t getting along either. It was stated by Staff, “The
Group isn’t doing well.” It was then that the 4 th and 5 th Phasers would lose their days off and we
would be required to come into Group daily until it changed. A tremendous amount of
confrontations would happen during this time. It was amazing how many people would attempt
to run for a door and leave. It was not unusual to see three or four people being restrained on
the floor. Verbal outbursts and physical fights became far too common. I hated to see people
being sat on. I avoided doing it at all costs.
It was in June when things really clicked for me. I was able to remember a lot more
about specific incidents in my past and got to the point that I was able to think of one for every
single rap. I was motivating constantly and was never afraid to verbally confront someone if I
knew that was best for him or her.
I continued to look for a full time job and on July 1 I finally found it. I was hired to work
as a Grounds Keeper on an 80-acre Estate called Sky Top. The owner was a multi-millionaire in
the Andersonville area. Robert owned Sky Top as well as the Milford Mall. Ironically he used to
own the JTS Brown Distillery. I distinctly remember seeing the billboards for that company while
I was growing up in Anderson City. The slogan was “Come on, spoil yourself.” I remember
thinking it was a pretty sick slogan considering it was for whiskey. Robert however, became a
very wealthy man making that whiskey. He had a Mansion on top of the property. In addition to
that home, there was a pool house, complete with a three-car garage, and an elevator. A two
story storage house, a small two bedroom house that my boss Wayne lived in, Wayne was the
Master Grounds Keeper, a greenhouse, two, two story houses that Robert rented out, a log cabin
house and horse stables. There was also a place at the end of the property line that became
known as “The Pit”. It contained junk that had been collected over the years. Including an old
gas pump when gas was only 11 cents a gallon. I later learned there was a large supply of brass
from the distillery that had been shut down a number of years ago. The place was huge. I
reported to work at 8:00am Monday through Friday and worked until 5:00pm. The first thing I
was responsible for doing was sweeping the driveway. No, you didn’t read it wrong. Robert’s
wife, Helen was a stickler for having her driveway-cleaned everyday. The problem was, it was a
two-lane one-mile plus driveway. For the level part of it, I used a push vacuum; the rest of the
driveway was cleaned using a gas powered backpack blower. Once that was done, I was
assigned a section of the estate and cut the grass in that area. I was also responsible for
cleaning the pool and other odd jobs as they were assigned. One of the nice things about this
job was the fact that I got to work with my Oldcomer Steve. Sometimes he and I were assigned
jobs that allowed us to work together. On occasion, I had to work with an older black gentleman
named Franklin.
I liked the idea of being out of the building all day and only having to go to Group for
Rules Rap and Evening Rap. I would arrive back at the building at about 5:30pm get a shower,
and change clothes before heading out to the Group.
On July 9 I was headed to the bathroom to shower and change when I ran into Todd. I
said, “Hey Todd, what’s up” Todd replied, “I’m thinking about 7 th Stepping!” I didn’t respond,
but clearly remember not thinking much of it. After all, he hadn’t been on 5 th Phase much more
than 60 days. A lot of 7 th Steppers I know where on 5 th Phase for 3 months or more. So, I can’t
tell you how shocked I was when Todd 7 th Stepped that night. I wrote my MI and promised that
I would maintain contact with him, but in the back of my mind I was worried that I may lose his
friendship...forever.

Within weeks of Todd 7 th Stepping I started thinking about getting out of the program
myself. Even though I had committed to finishing the program there were days that I just
wanted out. I was tired of the senseless confrontations. I was tired of the irrational fear of Staff
that I had developed. I couldn’t even walk across the street from work to get a pop and a
sandwich without thinking a Staff member would drive by and see me, thinking that I had gone
somewhere other than work without permission. I was tired of taking care of Newcomers. I was
tired of Fostering Out and babysitting immature Oldcomers. I was tired of filling out permission
forms just so me and some friends could get together and go out somewhere. I was tired of not
having a girlfriend. I was still thinking about Denise a good deal of my day and I still missed her.
So it was no surprise that one day while working in and around the log cabin house I got an idea.
The log cabin house was not occupied. One day after work, I left the back door unlocked. I was
going to cop-out that evening and come back and stay here. As I was driving to the building
later that day I was thinking about how I was going to leave. Then it hit me. Work is the first
place Staff would look for me. Going to the log cabin was not the best idea for a hiding place. I
quickly realized that I wasn’t going anywhere. I was staying, even if I hated it. Period.
Depression set in as I drove back to the building, thinking about Denise.
Every once in a while, about once during each phase of my program, Gary who was now
on Junior Staff would pull me to the 5 th Phase Desk and go over a “treatment plan.” I learned
that Gary was now my primary Counselor. If I recall correctly, I was required to fill out a form
with my name, age, drugs I did, days on each phase and a short self-evaluation, you know,
strong points, weak points, goals I want to accomplish. Well, on this particular day I learned
something. During the entire time in the Program I thought I had done the drug cocaine. Gary
asked about that. “Don, how did you take the drug Did you snort it” “No” I replied, “I smoked
it, a joint was laced with it.” Gary looked a little concerned and said, “I’ve never heard of cocaine
being smoked that way. Describe the buzz for me.” I thought for a moment and said, “Well, it
was intense, like smoking hash, but much stronger. I think it lasted longer too.” Gary smiled
and said, “That wasn’t cocaine you were smoking, that was PCP.” My jaw hit the floor. I could
feel my face redden, but not from embarrassment, I was scared! Scared that I would be started
over for “not being honest with the group.” I looked at Gary and said, “I feel guilty about this,
what’s going to happen” He looked at me and said, “You don’t have to feel guilty about this.
It’s a common mistake. Don’t make a big deal about it. Talk with the group and move on.” I
was never more relieved. Gary had always supported me and I will always love him for dealing
with this situation in that manner. I am sure that other Staff Members like Dean would’ve make
a scene over it and I know that others would’ve accused me of conning the Group and had me
Started Over. Not Gary. He was really fair about the whole thing.
On July 19, I had Bry, a Newcomer of mine put in for 5 th Phase for me. I can’t tell you
how disappointed I was when I didn’t make it. On the way home, I learned that he had
forgotten to put in for it for me. I was very upset about this. He promised that he would
remember next time.
On July 23 I was working at the Milford Mall. Steve and I were told to load a semi-trailer
with whiskey barrels that were cut in half. I can still smell the alcohol to this day. It was awful.
Steve and I talked about how we felt about it. I was just unhappy with the smell. Steve on the
other hand was really dealing with some weakness and feelings of powerlessness. I encouraged
him and told him to concentrate on getting the job done and moving on. We loaded the trailer in
no time. I didn’t give it too much thought.

I had Bry put in for 5 th Phase for me again that day. This time he kept his word. I
remember the words Mr. Stafford spoke during his opening comments that night just moments
before I made 5 th Phase. “The people you see standing around the Group are not guards. They
are 5 th Phasers. They have worked very hard to be able to stand there. They have worked on
dealing with themselves by sharing their feelings about their drug use, the have worked on their
family relationships and improving those, they have worked on accomplishments outside the
Group in school or work. They have faced druggie friends, they have also worked on spending
time making quality friendships and using leisure time wisely. As Mr. Stafford was going through
each of the points, I remember thinking to myself; “I’ve done that.” “Yeah, I’ve done that too.”
When finally he said, “Tonight I am proud to announce, Don Smith…you’re on 5 th Phase.” I was
elated. I stood up and made my way to the side of Group. A new 5 th Phaser stands to watch
over the front row. I took that position with pride. My mom and dad would later tell me just how
proud they were of me. I was now on my last active phase of the Program at Straight, Inc.

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab.
Fifth Phase
Phase #5
THE CLIENT IS WORKING ON HIMSELF/HERSELF, FAMILY,
ACHIECHMEMENT, LEISURE T IME/FRIENDS HIPS, AND SERV ICE TO OTHERS.
1. Phone calls may be made at this time.
2. No old drug-using friends or hangouts.
3. Responsibility for transportation of Foster children is parent and
child’s.
4. No permission is required for the child to go different places, as long
as parent accompanies youngster. If 5 th Phaser wants to go
somewhere alone, with other people on the program or the parent of
other people in the program permission is required.
5. Moral Inventories are mandatory on a daily basis.
6. This is the last phase, which is designed to assist the individual to
put into practice use of the skills he/she has learned. During this
phase they will be working directly with other kids on the program.
Parental cooperation is extremely important during this phase.
7. After completion of the program, meetings will be held for the
benefit of your child, friends, and family.
Fifth Phase would turn out to be the longest Phase of my program. I was glad to be
there and was looking forward to working with the Group and of course looking forward to the
extra day off. There is a lot to learn about 5 th Phase. So much in fact that every new 5 th Phaser
was required to spend the first 7 days in the Group before getting a day off.
Fifth phase was an intricate part of the Chain of Command. All requests from the Group
had to go through a 5 th Phaser first. I was required to carry a small pad of paper and a pen
every day I was on duty. These were used to write the requests down so they could be passed
on through the Chain of Command. Chains of Command were taken between raps and during
lunch and dinner. In some cases a 5 th Phaser would be permitted to answer a question without
going to a Staff Trainee. For instance, I could allow a client to use the restroom provided it would
not cause a disruption.
A 5 th Phaser was required to stand on the front row at all times to maintain supervision
of the clients seated there. If for some reason a 5 th Phaser standing on the front row needed to
leave that post or was called away, he must get another 5 th Phaser to stand there before leaving.
5 th Phasers were responsible for seating the clients in the proper row at the beginning of each
day. Each row was expected to be perfectly straight. A 5 th Phaser had to ensure that all clients
were sitting up straight in their chair paying attention to the person and following all rules. If a
client fails to do so a 5 th Phaser would go directly to him and confront him so he conforms. If it
was believed that confronting the client would cause a disturbance, another client was permitted
to do this for the 5 th Phaser and could even take measure that were more physical. For instance,
if a client was not sitting up, another client could stick a knuckle into the small of his back,
causing a great deal of pain and discomfort therefore forcing the client to sit up straight. The
Group more or less policed them selves to keep order. 5 th Phasers set an example and
encouraged the clients to get involved in the on going raps.
5 th Phasers were required to attend 5 th Phase raps every Sunday that I was in. Junior or
Senior Staff usually led these raps.

5 th Phasers were required to keep an OBS (Observation) book in a 5 th Phase desk. This
desk was located along a wall in the Group room. There were two OBS books, one for the Guys
and one for the Girls. Each day a 5 th Phaser was required to write what he/she observed in Group
after each rap. This information had to be as detailed as possible so that other 5 th Phasers could
be kept informed about the progress of each client. Keep in mind that accuracy is important
because other 5 th Phasers may be off for as long as four days in a row and need to be updated
on each client. Any cop-outs, start over’s, set backs, terminations, or pull off’s are just a few of
the things that are written in the OBS book. Only two 5 th Phasers were allowed at the desk at a
time. To have three or more 5 th Phasers at the desk at once was thought to give the appearance
of a hang out for 5 th Phasers. The desk and the area around the desk was expected to be kept
spotless and organized. No clutter was allowed to accumulate on or near the desk; Staff
Trainees could at anytime inspect the desk for cleanliness. 5 th Phasers were limited to just fifteen
minutes at the desk. Not a lot of time when you think about the amount of information one was
expected to catch up on.
5 th Phasers were allowed to talk about other clients behind their backs. What I couldn’t
read in the OBS book could be given to me in an oral report on clients. Talking behind backs was
only permitted in the Group room and never outside. Talking behind backs outside the group
could result in a set back to 4 th Phase or lower.
It was generally understood that 5 th Phasers were not confronted in Group. In fact I can
only recall two times when 5 th Phasers were confronted and both times resulted in the 5 th Phaser
being set back to at least 3 rd Phase if he/she wasn’t started over. Confronting a 5 th Phaser in
Group was thought to be a sign of disrespect. A Staff member allowing a Phaser to confront a
5 th Phaser reflected negatively on the Staff member. A Senior Staff or Group Staff Supervisor
usually oversaw the confrontation of a 5 th Phaser.
A 5 th Phaser could not sit down at all except when seated at the 5 th Phase desk. The rest
of his/her day was spent on their feet. For at least the first thirty days of 5 th Phase I recall
excruciating pain and leg cramps. I thought I would be able to adjust to this better because I
worked on my feet all day at my job site, but the muscles tightened up when standing in place
for two or more hours at a time.
One of the most disruptive things that a 5 th Phaser had to deal with was the
misbehavior's. Misbehaviors were the clients that fought, ran for a door or became verbally
abusive toward other clients, Staff, or 5 th Phasers. In some cases other clients restrained a
misbehavior by holding him/her in the chair. If the misbehavior broke out of that restraint and
continued to fight several clients would wrestle them to the side of group and sit on them.
Usually it took five clients to restrain someone. One on each limb and one to sit on their stomach
area. It was common for injuries to result during these restraints because no one was properly
trained to safely apply restraint to someone who is out of control. Clients could be restrained
from a few minutes to several hours.
In the mean time the 5 th Phasers were required to restore order to the rest of the Group.
In some cases one outburst within the Group could lead to other misbehaviors acting out. If not
controlled it could lead to caous. The rest of the Group must pay attention to the person
talking. Anyone not directly involved in restraining a client was prohibited from observing the
restraint process. Once a misbehavior agrees to calm down and comply, they are released back
into the Group. That client could expect a strong confrontation from the Staff and group.
Anytime a client attempted to run for a door, several other clients tackled them
vigorously. It didn’t matter if the person was eighteen years old or older. Straight had a Chain
of Command in place and if an adult wanted to leave they had to submit a request in writing
starting with the 5 th Phaser. The only problem with that was the fact that 5 th Phasers including
myself would hold on to these requests for at least two hours before giving it to a Staff Trainee.
A 5 th Phaser had no idea how long it would take that pull request to make it up the Chain of
Command.

5 th Phasers no longer had to hand in permissions in 72 hours, but could put them in just
24 hours prior to the event. A 5 th Phaser could go anywhere with their parents without
permission.
5 th Phasers could conduct One-on-Ones with a client after permission was given by a
Junior or Senior Staff member. These requests however were seldom granted. Most One-on-
Ones were conducted by Junior Staff, but occasionally a Staff Trainee would do them as well.
After some time on 5 th Phase they could interact with members of the opposite sex. We
were expected to show respect by not flirting with them or “checking them out.” 5 th Phasers
could also call 5 th Phasers of the opposite sex on the phone after being approved by Staff.
I had a lot to learn and it was going to take me more than the initial 7 days to put it all
into practice. Once the 7-day training period was over and Staff felt comfortable with how the
5 th Phaser did, the Senior Staff set up a schedule. 5 th Phasers could trade days off but only after
getting Staff approval. This kind of request had to be put in at least 24 hours in advance.
My first night at home on 5 th Phase my mom read some letters that June had been
writing while I was on my program. She made it clear that she wanted to see me once I got out
of the program. Although I was excited at the prospect of seeing her again, I was too concerned
about getting in trouble and so I focused on excelling on 5 th Phase. I hadn’t come this far to get
started over because of June.
The next day, June 25 I was reading the OBS at the 5 th Phase desk when Staff Trainee
Tim came to the desk and sat down. I looked up and said, “Hello.” Tim asked, “How do you like
5 th Phase so far” “Fine” I replied. Then Tim said, “I understand that you had a situation at
work yesterday.” I thought for a minute but couldn’t think of what he would be talking about. I
shrugged my shoulders and said, “No, not really.” Tim sat up and leaned in close to me with a
concerned look on his face, “Didn’t you have to work with some whiskey barrels with Steve
yesterday” “Oh yeah, I said, I forgot about that.” Tim looked a little confused by my response.
I continued, “I didn’t really have a big problem with it. I hate the smell of hard liquor and I was
never much of a liquor drinker.” Tim snapped back and said, “Well, I don’t see what that has to
do with anything.” He continued, “Steve said he felt powerless!” I smirked a little and replied,
“Well, that’s Steve. If he is still having problems, he needs to talk about it in the 7 th Step raps.
He talked with me a lot about it yesterday though.” Tim was dumbfounded by what I had said
but without another word he got up and walked away from the desk. I returned to reading the
OBS book and laughed at Tim behind his back.
On July 29 I was informed by Staff that I would be Fostering Out to help out a 2 nd Phaser
who was having some problems adjusting to living at home. His name was Brandon he was just
15 years old. He was a shy, quiet person during most of his first phase. I asked Brandon what
had been going on. He told me that he was upset because there was alcohol in the house and
felt extremely tempted by having it so close. I was a little surprised to hear this. When I arrived
at his house I asked his mother if it was okay to conduct a search of the house. She complied. I
headed straight for the kitchen. Within moments I found several bottles of cooking wine. I
instructed Brandon’s mother to throw the bottles out. At first she refused saying that she uses it
to cook with and besides, the alcohol burns off when used. Although I understood what she was
saying I told that her son didn’t want it in the house because he could drink it straight and
relapse. It took a little convincing, but she eventually threw the alcohol down the drain.

A couple of days went by without a conflict but on August 2 Brandon’s mom and I got
into a heated argument. As she was about to go to bed she said, “You will need to take Brandon
and his Newcomer to the building from now on.” This comment got me hopping mad and I told
her, “I can’t possibly do that. I have to be at work at 8:00AM” She said, “That’s fine, you can get
up early.” I snapped back and said, “I will not! I am not responsible for getting your son and his
newcomer to the building. That is your responsibility.” “I cannot.” She said, “I have a lot of
things I must do tomorrow, I won’t have time.” I replied, “I’m sorry Mom but I will not be taking
your son to Straight. It is my day off and I don’t have any reason to go to the building.” “Fine”
She snapped, “I am going to call Staff and let them know that your are being disrespectful
toward me, then you’ll be in lot’s a of trouble.” At this point I had had enough of her and yelled
back, “Fine, go ahead and call Staff. Just be sure to tell them the truth and that you’re too lazy
to get up your self and bring him to the building.” She stopped and looked at me for a moment.
She realized that I wasn’t messing around. Tears started welling up in her eyes and yelled, “
Why can’t you take him for me I am so sick of driving all the way to Straight day in and day
out.” “I’m sorry you feel that way,” I said, “but you need to realize that the only reason I am
here is to help you and Brandon work things out. I am not his personal Chauffer.” She stormed
off to her room and went to bed.
Over the next seven days conflicts came up between she and myself. I reported her to
Staff but from what I could tell nothing was being done to rectify the problem. The relationship
between Brandon and his mom wasn’t improving either and I was really beginning to get
frustrated. See this type of problem made me realize how thankful I was for my own family.
By August 7 I had had enough. I was having trouble in all aspects of my life. I was still
in conflict with Brandon’s mom, I was getting confronted by Staff for not being involved, I was
getting yelled at by my boss at work and I knew my parents were getting frustrated because I
had been away from home for so long.
On August 15 I was confronted in a 5 th Phase rap because all this stuff was building up.
I talked about everything that had been going on at work, in the Foster Home, and in Group. At
one point Staff considered making my leave my job for a while. That really didn’t set to well with
me because I thought I would be fired. After more talking Staff finally let me stay at work.
Two days later I was told I could go back home with my own family. I couldn’t have
been happier. It wasn’t too long before Brandon stopped coming to the building. His mom had
pulled him from the program.
On August 19 I was at work. I had just finished cleaning the pool and was clearing the
deck with the backpack blower. Out of nowhere I feel someone tap me on the shoulder. It
scared the crap out of me. I swung and around and saw the owner, Helen. I turned off the
blower. Helen said, “Just what in thee hell do you think you are doing” I explained that I was
blowing the debris off the deck and onto the grass. Then I was going to take a bagger mower
and cut the grass and pick up the debris all in one shot. She said, “No, no, no. I want you to
rake the leaves off the grass and onto the deck then sweep everything up with a broom into a
garbage bag.” I got a little irritated by the stupidity of the idea and said, “That is the most
ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I am not going to do it that way. It’ll take too long to do it
your way and I can get more accomplished if I do it my way.” Helen got mad and replied, “Fine,
I’m going to tell Wayne and see to it that you’re fired by the end of the week.” I was a little
worried about that but at the same time I knew Wayne would back me up. Helen was a pretty
lonely woman and it seemed that she had nothing better to do than play solitaire or give me
grief. She seemed to enjoy both.

A few days later I had just finished cutting a section of grass near the pool. Suddenly
Robert came up to me and excitedly said, “Come with me now, I have to show you something.”
I was a little stunned that he wanted to see me, but followed him back to the Pool House. Once
inside we got inside an elevator and took it to the very top floor. From there we took a flight of
steps up to the attic, which had been converted into an office. We walked all the way to the
other end of the room near a window that over looked the area of grass I had just cut. “Look
out there, do you see it I peered out the window and saw the section of grass. It looked like a
checker- board. One week I would cut it vertically, the next week I would cut it horizontally.
Robert said, “I like that a lot. In fact I am giving you a twenty-five cent an hour raise. Keep up
the good work.” Robert and I left the office and I went back to work feeling pretty happy about
the extra money.
August 26 after the Group had been dismissed Trainee Dean came up to me and told me
take my Newcomer to an Intake room and meet him in the Time Out Room. The Time Out room
was the smallest room in the building. It measure only 5X5 and was entirely carpeted to make it
sound proof. I had never been inside this room but some of the most violent clients were often
times put in here. I took my Newcomer to the Intake room and left him with another Oldcomer.
As I made my way to the Time Out room I started getting scared. I even thought of
running out the door, into my car and leaving. But I couldn’t figure out what Dean would want
to talk to me about. I hadn’t done anything wrong, at least nothing I could think of. I walked
into the Timeout Room. Dean instructed me to sit on the floor. Dean crossed his arms across
his chest and looked down at me in an intimidating manner. “You look like shit Don, what’s been
going on with you” Dean asked. I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Nothing, I feel fine.” I
continued, not because I had anything of real substance to say, but I thought if I stopped it
would open a door of opportunity for Dean to confront me. “I’ve had a really great week. I’ve
been working real hard at work; in fact I just got a raise. My Newcomer is doing all right, my
family and I are closer than ever before and I’ve got more friends than I know what to do with.”
Dean seemed passive, almost as if he didn’t hear me and was thinking about what he wanted to
say to me. Dean said, “So, what’s been going on” I started getting frustrated and said,
“Nothing, I’m doing great!” “I don’t believe you.” Dean said flatly. “Listen” I said, as I started
raising my voice, “I don’t know what to tell you.” Dean left the room. I tried to calm myself
down. I was still a little agitated and was a little worried about what was going to happen next.
A few minutes later Jeff, a young Junior Staff member walked into the room. Jeff was only 16
years old but mature for his age. He had blonde hair and a brilliant white smile. Several of the
girls in the group liked him. Jeff asked me how I had been doing. I told him that everything was
fine. I didn’t understand why Dean was giving me such a hard time. Jeff seemed to study my
face and body language for a few moments than he said, “I’m not sure I believe you.” My chin
dropped to my chest and my heart began pounding to the point that I thought Jeff could hear it.
A loud sigh escaped my mouth. I was upset that he didn’t believe me. He was actually siding
with Dean. At this point I looked up at Jeff and said, “I want to see Scott, the Senior Staff
member.” Jeff left the room without responding to my request. I bowed my head and prayed to
God that He would make them understand that I was doing okay and that my being in the Time
Out Room was a complete waste of time. Tears filled my eyes. I was terrified.

A few moments later, Dean came back into the room. I rolled by eyes and whispered,
“Great!” Dean again with his arms crossed looked down at me and said, “Jeff doesn’t believe you
either so just tell me what’s going on with you.” I felt helpless, lost. I really didn’t know how to
respond. I just sat there. In that moment of silence I realized that I would again have to lie in
order to get Dean off my case. I took a deep breath and said, “Well, sometimes I feel lonely and
scared. I’ve even had thoughts of copping out.” Dean looked at me and said, “That’s bullshit!” I
thought to myself, “Oh shit, he knows I’m lying, now I’m in for it.” He continued. “I never once
thought of copping out on my program. What do you think about that” Something deep inside
me gave me the courage to respond to him like never before. The conviction welled up from
deep in my soul. I sat up a little straighter and leaned closer to him. I looked Dean dead in the
eye and said, “I think you need to get honest. There isn’t a person in this program that doesn’t
think about copping out at least once.” Dean was dumbfounded and stammered for a reply but
couldn’t seem to find the words to say. He left the room. A part of me was relieved that he was
gone and proud of myself for standing up to him. But another part of me was worried that I
would get in trouble for talking back to a Staff member. A few minutes later, Jeff walked back in
the room. He said, “I’m taking your days off away. Get your Newcomer and go home.” I wasn’t
happy with the punishment that was given to me. Once again I had to lie to get Staff off my
case. I was punished for something that they couldn’t explain. I left the room, got my
Newcomer and left the building.
The next day, Jeff came up to me and said, “You can have your days off back, under one
condition.” “What’s that” I asked. Jeff said, “You need to go on at least two permissions a
week. You need to work on more friendships.” Although I knew it was for my own good, I really
didn’t know exactly how I was going to get this accomplished. I was working forty hours a week,
I was responsible for taking care of the Group three nights a week, maintain my family
relationship, work with my Newcomer daily and now I had to set up two permissions a week. I
smiled at Jeff and told him I would get right to work on it.
On August 30 Steve announced that he was going to be moving to Florida. Steve and I
had become close, almost like brothers. I was going to miss him. I wasn’t sure if Steve was
going to be replaced or not. A part of me didn’t want him to be. I was worried that his
replacement would be someone who uses drugs.
Steve moved and I worked without him for the first time on September 2. It was on this
day that I ran into a druggie friend. I could tell just by looking at him that he was still getting
high. He told me that Thomas had moved to Florida. At first I was going to tell him that I was in
a rehab but I decided that what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.
While I had started going on several permissions and making new friends, I started to
realize that the friendship between Todd and I began to diminish. A much as I wanted to call
him and stay in touch my schedule was just too busy. I was also prohibited from associating with
him outside of the building. Todd in the meantime was also concentrating on new friendships
within the 7 th Step Society. About the only chance I had to see Todd was behind the Group just
before the start of the weekly 7 th Step Raps.
One thing I noticed around this time was developing an independent attitude. I had
started thinking that at some point I wasn’t going to be able to rely on the Group with my
problems. I had to start working things out for myself. I was getting sick and tired of hearing
other 5 th Phasers say “Without the Group or Straight I would screw up.” To me that simply wasn’t
true anymore. But no matter how much I tried to tell people what I thought, it was met with a
great deal of resistance. Some people there surely thought I was on the road to self-destruction.
But I knew better.
I started taking an interest in the Fire Department as a possible career. I knew several
people that I associated with from school and church that were working at the Anderson Heights
Fire Department. I thought it might be something I could at least look into. There was a
volunteer fire department right down the street from the Straight building. I recall many times
hearing the house siren going off, I could imagine myself responding to the call.

On September 9 I put in a Chain of Command to stop by the Anderson Heights Fire
Department alone for a visit and perhaps talk to the Chief. The request was denied. I was very
disappointed. I remember thinking that for the first time in my life I was taking something very
seriously and now I wasn’t going to be able to fulfill the dream. I wrote Todd about my
ambition. In fact I started talking about it with him so often, he started addressing letters to me
“Captain Don.”
On September 11 I attended a football game at Anderson Heights High. As I was
walking toward the concession stand I saw her. Denise was standing behind the bleachers. She
had gotten a perm and she appeared intoxicated. My heart raced and my throat tightened.
When she saw me a brilliant smile came across her face. As she approached me I could tell she
wanted to hug me. I wanted to hug her tighter than I’ve ever hugged anyone. But because my
dad was with me and I didn’t want him getting “the wrong idea” I resisted the urge. At first I
was scared that perhaps Denise was going to start yelling at me because of the way I left her. I
could only imagine how she must have felt when she got home and saw only a few letters and
the house key. I could picture her in my mind with tears welling up in her eyes and the sadness
she must have felt in her heart. Denise probably thought I had planned on leaving her. I didn’t
smell any alcohol on her breath, which was a relief. To be completely honest I don’t remember
what we talked about. Suddenly and without warning I became overwhelmed with several
different emotions. Fear, sadness, and a deep desire to be with her again, just to name a few. I
became angry that Straight wouldn’t allow me to even spend a few hours with her. At the very
least the relationship needed closure. But I was still very much in love with her. I blurted out that
I needed to leave. I could tell that I had hurt her. I turned and walked away never looking
back. As I got to the parking lot, tears began streaming down my face. I cried almost all the
way back to the building. I wondered if I would ever see Denise again. I felt obligated to talk to
every 5 th Phaser about seeing Denise, but no one seemed to care. It took a while but I
eventually let it go. I continued to think of Denise often throughout my day.
On September 15 I had finally gotten permission to go to the Anderson Heights Fire
Department. I was scheduled to take a general exam in order to become a volunteer firefighter.
After the test was finished I walked out of the department feeling totally dejected. I knew before
I had even finished the test I had failed. There were a lot of questions involving what I
considered advanced fire related questions. I thought that perhaps this kind of knowledge would
be learned on the job. My lack of mathematical skill really hurt me that day.
On September 17 Wayne told me to get with Franklin and help him with a task that
needed to be done. I met Franklin at the entrance to the Pit. Franklin instructed me to drive the
large dump truck into the Pit area. After I did that we loaded a pretty good amount of copper
tubing. Franklin explained that the market value of copper was up. I was going to follow him to
the scrap yard. Before leaving I watched Franklin as he took some copper and put it in the bed
of his pick up truck. I didn’t think any thing of it. I followed him over to the scrap yard. Both
trucks were weighed to determine the amount of copper. Franklin went inside and received two
checks. We then returned to the Estate.
Sometime later I was able to talk to Steve about working with Franklin. When I
explained what we had done, Steve enlightened me about the sneaky and dishonest things
Franklin did. Steve said, “Franklin has been working for Robert for over thirty years. According
to Robert, Franklin is the most honest man who has ever worked for him. But the truth of the
matter is Franklin isn’t near as honest as Robert thinks. One day, Franklin was observed telling
Robert that his C.B. radio had been stolen out of his truck. Robert asked him how much it would
cost to replace it. Franklin told him that it was worth at least three hundred dollars. Without
hesitation Robert pulled a wad of money out of his pocket and gave him the money needed to
replace the C.B. I went down to where his truck was parked and discovered that his C.B radio
hadn’t been stolen at all. It was still in his truck.” Fred continued. “I helped Franklin one day
with the copper haul too. But when it came time to give Robert the checks Franklin only gave
him the check from the pick up truck. He kept the check written for the dump truck to himself.”

I was astounded by what Steve had told me. Steve advised me to be very careful
around Franklin and watch what I do and say.
On September 20 I had become bored and decided to go to the Pit and check out what
all was there. It was rumored at one point that Helen had lost an engagement ring down there;
I was determined to find it. There were old 78 records, most covered in dirt and mud. Some
were in one piece while others were shattered. There was the old gas pump, some more copper
tubing and other assorted junk there. In a fenced off area were rusty tools, wrenches, hammers,
and screwdrivers. I must have been down there for at least an hour. Without warning I heard
the familiar sound of Franklins pick up truck as he pulled into the Pit. I was terrified. I couldn’t
even move. My heart raced I began feeling sick to my stomach. All I could do was stand there
as Franklin got out of his truck. His face told me he was almost glad that he had caught me
down here. “What are you doing down here boy” Franklin asked. “Nothing.” I replied. My
voice shaky and cracking with fear. “Just sort of looking around is all.” Franklin said, “Looking
through all this valuable stuff huh” I said, “Well I wouldn’t go so far as to say “valuable” really.”
Franklin looked surprised at my response. Franklin said, “Oh, there is a lot of valuable things
down in here.” Pointing to the rusty tools behind the fence, “Those are very expensive and hard
to find.” I wasn’t impressed and just shrugged my shoulders and said, “Yeah okay. I personally
wouldn’t give you a dime for the whole lot of it.” Franklin’s demeanor changed and he became
angry. “Well you just get your ass outta here then and don’t let me catch you down here again,
you understand me boy” “Yes sir” I said. I quickly made my way out of the Pit without saying
another word.
The next morning, Wayne came up to me and asked, “Don, were you in the Pit
yesterday” I shook my head. I could feel my face turn red. My heart raced as I thought of the
possibility that I could very well get fired over this. Wayne asked, “Did you take anything from
the Pit” Almost defensively I responded, “No sir, not a thing!” Wayne continued. “Well, last
night after you left, Franklin came up to me and said, “Wayne, I think I knows where my tools
have been disappearing off to.”” Again I defended myself saying, “No Wayne I even told Franklin
that I wouldn’t give him a dime for everything down there.” Wayne said that he believed me, but
instructed me to stay clear of the Pit unless someone else was with me. Relived, I shook my
head and promised Wayne I would do as he asked.
On September 21 I was in Group. There were a lot of clients misbehaving. At one point
a client who had recently been started over from 4 th Phase started fighting in the back row. I
went over to him trying to calm him down. Suddenly he kicked at me, as I tried to block the kick
he hit my hand. I felt and heard something snap in my thumb the pain brought tears to my
eyes. Other clients quickly dragged him to the side of Group and sat on him. In the mean time I
got the attention of a Staff member and told him what had happened and that I thought perhaps
my thumb had been broken. I was taken to the hospital where X-rays were taken. I was
diagnosed with minor ligament damaged. My thumb was splinted and I returned to Group. When
I got there, the client who had kicked me was stood up. He made amends to me and promised
to start working his program.
On September 24 I watched in amazement as six people made Staff Trainee. I felt a
little scared in a way because I didn’t want to have to deal with some of the people as Trainees. I
had mixed feelings about being on Staff myself. A part of me really wanted to do it, while at the
same time I just wanted to get out. But I ended up signing up for the next Pre-Training class. It
was my intention to take the course and make a final decision later.
On September 26 with my thumb still healing from the kick, I started looking over the
situation with the misbehaviors as a whole. I began to feel the same kind of fear that I did in St.
Pete, not wanting to be put in harms way of misbehavior. What made it different this time was
the fact that I was IN this Group. It seemed like everyday someone was getting hurt some
seriously. I began to think of the 5 th Phasers as the front line in defense protecting the rest of
the Group from the misbehaviors. We were literally putting our lives on the line. The violence in
the Group had escalated to the point that I believed that misbehavior could really kill someone in
order to get out of this program.

October 1 I started a long road of setting myself up for 7 th Stepping the program. I
knew without a doubt that I was ready. After all, I had been on 5 th Phase for 70 days now. I
remember a few days later becoming agitated and wrote in my MI, “I started feeling sick and
tired of being in that room with this many people” Thoughts of copping out raced through my
head with each passing day.
By October 10 I was beginning to get real inpatient about being in the program. I was
thinking about 7 th Stepping every Friday night. I started having a more independent attitude. It
was around this time that I openly questioned some of the rules. During a rules rap I did “No
listening to druggie music.” Lee was leading the rap. I asked, “Can I say something about this
rule” “Go ahead Don.” I started, “No listening to druggie music. I think that this rule has been
taken out of context and many including myself had been led to believe that this meant I couldn’t
listen to rock music. But to me, druggie music is any music I don’t feel comfortable listening to.
Each of us needs to determine what type of music we feel okay with what type of music makes
us feel bad. It doesn’t necessarily mean I can’t listen to rock music. We have to decide for
ourselves HONESTLY what music we are really okay with.” I held my breath a little expecting
Lee to say something to me, but all he said was, “Okay Don that was good. Someone else.”
Around this same time I started making plans for when I 7 th Stepped. One career I
gave serious thought to was cross-country trucking. When I was using drugs I had this dream of
being a trucker with an endless supply of alcohol and speed. But now I just wanted to drive
across the country and earn a decent living. I started looking into different driving schools in
addition I got my class two drivers license.
On October 11 I went on a short 5 th Phase vacation to Western Kentucky University. My
sister and June were both attending there. My sister was studying to become a teacher and June
was getting her degree in law enforcement. Although the purpose of the trip was to visit my
sister, I was secretly hoping that we would run into June. There is no telling what would’ve
happened to me if someone on Staff would’ve found out that June was attending college there.
Perhaps they would’ve denied the vacation. But as luck would have it, June wasn’t around.
On October 14 I got a Newcomer named Bry. He was eighteen, about 5’10
blonde/brown hair and well mannered. He had been in the program for a little while. He was in
the Navy just prior to his coming into the program. He had a great looking tattoo on his right
arm of an Eagle. I took an immediate liking to Bry. Since he was from out of town I hoped that
he and I would become Foster Brothers once he made 2 nd Phase.
I learned the next day that I had not been accepted in the Pre-Training class for Staff. I
completely eliminated the idea of going on Staff at that point. It was probably for the best after
all I was getting ready to 7 th Step the program.
On October 16 I got a brand new day one Newcomer. He too was from out of town. His
name was Doug. Doug was an admitted homosexual and was very open about it. This openness
made me uncomfortable. It’s not that I was homophobic it’s just that I had never been exposed
to homosexuals in my life and it was completely new to me. Regardless of his sexual orientation
I didn’t like him. I don’t think I pretended too hard to like him. A part of me was really upset
about the idea of having a brand new Newcomer. It was different having Bry, he knew the
steps, he knew how to write an MI, he knew how to share his feelings. Bry had really started
making progress in his program and I knew it wouldn’t be too long before he made 2 nd Phase.
Doug on the other hand had to be taught everything about the program. I grew inpatient with
Doug easily.

This was the first time I had to take care of two Newcomers at once. Transporting them
safely would be a challenge. The best way I was able to do it was to place Bry and Doug in the
back seat of the two-door car I drove. I took a regular belt and looped them together using the
belt loops on their hips. The buckle faced the front of the car were I could see any attempt to
remove the belt. Seat belts were run through the belt and fastened. While I drove I moved the
rearview mirror down so I could keep an eye on them. Once we arrive at the building I would
remove the seat belts and the belt from between them and have them back out of the car so I
could grab onto them by the belt loop. On the return trip I did the same thing except when we
arrived home I would open the garage door using an electric opener and would wait for the door
to come completely down and make sure my dad was in the garage before getting them out of
the car. In the time I took care of Newcomers, I never had one attempt a cop-out.
While taking care of my two Newcomers something started bothering me. I was treating
Bry all right. I worked hard and really wanted to see him make 2 nd Phase. But with Doug it was
different. I was very harsh. This guy wasn’t even allowed to relate in Group yet but I was
screaming and yelling at him all the time because he didn’t think he had much of a drug problem.
I know he was scared after all he was hundreds of miles away from home and didn’t have any
friends. I wasn’t being much of a friend to him.
I realized that I was treating Doug the exact same way my first Oldcomer, Jack had
treated me while I was in St. Pete. I learned that it wasn’t that Jack hated me as I thought. He
just didn’t want to deal with a day one Newcomer. He was on 5 th Phase and within a few weeks
made Trainee. He was looking to 7 th Step and move on with his life. Now here I was in the exact
same situation with Doug. My appreciation for what Jack had to go through with me grew a little
that day. But dealing with Doug wasn’t made any easier because of my understanding.
I worked with Doug and helped him prepare for his first Newcomer Introduction. I’ll
never forget it. He stood to his feet after being given the mic. He stood there silently. I held
my breath and prayed that he would start talking. Then he spoke, “My name is Doug; I’m 18…”
he stopped. Again I held my breath. I could see him starting to cry. I know that most of the
people that were watching probably thought that Doug was getting in touch with some deep
heart felt feelings for his past. I knew better. Suddenly the mic dropped to the ground. A loud
deafening thud echo in the room. Doug started walking toward his parents. In seconds at least
six people pounced on him, preventing him from walking any further. He was dragged toward the
door leading to the Intake Rooms. Doug yelled out, “I love you Mom and Dad! I just want to go
home….PLEASE!” The Oldcomers pulled him out through the door and down the hallway. Doug’s
pleas for help slowly faded. I turned to the 5 th Phaser standing next to me and said, “It’s going
to be a long night.”
Later on in the Open Meeting, Doug’s parents stood. Doug was led just inside the room.
His parents spoke their piece and then Doug was taken back to the Intake Room. During the
Open Meeting Review, Doug was relentlessly confronted for trying to get his parents to let him
leave. He was confronted for at least an hour. On the way home the only thing that I told Doug
was that I was disappointed in him and to never pull that stunt again. The subject was dropped.
The next day, Scott came up to me and said, “Don, effective immediately all 5 th Phasers
must go on two mixed group permissions before they can 7 th Step. You need to put your
permissions together right away. I felt a wave of anger come over me that up to this point had
not surfaced in Group. Scott could tell I wasn’t happy. I knew that my 7 th Stepping had just
been delayed even longer.
On October 25 I wrote a glowing report for my Newcomer Bry. I knew he was ready to
go home. As I wrote the report I felt torn. A part of me was proud that he had worked so hard
and was really ready for 2 nd Phase. He had also become a tremendous help in dealing with
Doug. On the other hand I was a little worried that Staff would move Bry to a different Foster
Home. I really wanted him to stay with us even after I 7 th Stepped. I wanted a Foster Brother.

Bry made 2 nd Phase that night. As I watched him run to his parents, I couldn’t help
myself. I cried, I was so proud of him. After the Open Meeting I learned that Bry was going to
move in with another 5 th Phaser who was only fifteen years old. “What could those two possibly
have in common” I asked myself. I was angry. I gave Bry my phone number for his Dime
Therapy list just like my Oldcomer had done for me. I hoped that it was a tradition that would
continue on when his Newcomers went home.
At this point a number of things started building up for me emotionally. On top of losing
Bry to another 5 th Phaser I was now having problems getting a Chain of Command through that
would allow me to be the Best Man at a friends wedding. No matter how often or how hard I
tried to get it put through, Dean refused to take it. It got to the point that I finally confronted
Dean head on about it and stuffed the Chain of Command in his shirt pocket and told him I
wanted an answer, and soon. Dean stammered and finally walked away. I was still trying to
work with Doug. I didn’t think I was making any headway with him at all. Then I got another
day-one Newcomer. This one had been court ordered into the program. To top it all off, I still
hadn’t gotten the first of two mixed group permissions together which meant I wasn’t 7 th
Stepping any time soon. I needed time to relax and get organized.
But even through all the turmoil and grief, I began to deal with these and other
situations on my own. Without the Group or writing an MI about it. I had developed an
independent attitude and wasn’t too concerned about what other people thought about my
beliefs or me.
After a few more days, my Chain of Command come through telling me I could be the
Best Man at my friends wedding. As it turned out I was the only person that was allowed to take
that day off. All other 4 th & 5 th Phasers had their days off taken away because the Group “wasn’t
“doing well.” I attended that wedding on October 30. I had a lot of fun. My buddy’s parents
hadn’t seen me since I had graduated high school. Although there was alcohol at the reception,
everyone was careful to take my situation into consideration. Although I was thankful for the
gesture, I knew it wasn’t really necessary.
On November 1 I pulled out of my driveway and snuck down the street to a place that
Straight considered “A druggie hang out.” A place I had spent a lot of time at getting high. I
quickly took a picture of it and left. Later that day I wrote a song about the place called “Deep,
Shallow Waters.” It was the first and only song I wrote on a guitar. I would later play it for 7 th
Step Raps and other functions.
The next day, November 2 I came in from work and there on the front row on the girls
side was Marsha. I immediately went to the 5 th Phase desk and read through it to see why she
was here. There was nothing mentioned about her there. She hadn’t been out of the program
for more than a few weeks, what was going on I had given serious thought to dating Marsha
when I got out, but now she was here back on first phase. No one said anything about what
happened. I started tracking her progress in my own MI book. I also made a commitment to
come into Group on one day off each week until she was re-7 th Stepped.
On November 9 I discovered something that I’m not really sure how to explain. I don’t
know if all this talk this whole time about “Awareness” was just sinking in or I was starting to
hallucinate or just what was going on. But as Doug was taking his shower I begin to have images
of him doing things that I know he wouldn’t normally or even possibly could do. But I found
myself studying every little part of that image. His facial expression, the direction he was headed
or looking toward, other movements that I thought might prove important. After just a few
moments I was able to interpret what this image meant. I was able to break it down in words
Doug could understand. The interpretation was specific things that Doug needed to change. I
never told Doug of the images I saw, only what I thought it meant. Doug admitted that he
needed to change the very things I saw in his image.

The next day I put through a Chain of Command to talk to Gary, my personal Counselor.
Within a few hours we were talking at the 5 th Phase desk. I explained to him what had
happened and was wondering if he had ever heard of such a thing or if I was going crazy.
Surprisingly he said that he had and it even had a name. He said it was very common and was
called “Imagery Awareness.” If I had to compare it with something else I would have to say it is
similar to Pentecostals Words of Wisdom or Words of Knowledge. I found myself being able to
use it on a number of other people in the program, and even on some Staff members.
On November 13 I along with 4 other people including Rhonda, the girl I clicked with on
first phase in St. Pete went on the first of two mixed group permissions. We went to the Natural
History Museum to see “The Tower of London” which was on display at the time. We had a
blast.
I turned twenty-one on November 16. As I recall it was pretty uneventful. I remember
looking forward to turning twenty one when I was using drugs. It meant I could buy 6% beer in
Ohio at the time. Now that didn’t really matter anymore.
On November 17 I went on my last mixed group permission. Again Rhonda was there.
This time we went to a pizza place with video games. Playing those games and just plain goofing
off made me feel like a kid again. I really cut loose.
On November 19, 1982 I came in from work, got showered and changed. I hadn’t
thought too much about what the Open Meeting was going to be like. I got right to work getting
the Group ready for the Open Meeting. Just after the Books were read, Junior Staffer Jeff asked,
“What Oldcomer guy wants to do their introduction” Not wanting to do it, I kept my hand down
and focus my efforts on making sure the rows were straight and that everything looked okay for
the meeting. Beside, I had done an Oldcomer Introduction on 3 rd Phase and I didn’t think it went
all that well. I didn’t like the pressure. Suddenly Jeff yells, “Hey Don, what about you” I politely
declined the offer and continued looking over the group. Jeff was a little taken back by my
response and soon left the room and disappeared into the Junior Staff Office. I didn’t think too
much of it. A few minutes later, Jeff emerged from the office, looked at me and said, “Don,
you’re doing your Introduction anyway!” “Okay” I said, not really that excited about it. Then it
hit me. “You’re 7 th Stepping tonight.” A Staff Trainee named Reid came up behind me and said,
“You’re 7 th Stepping.” I could hardly contain the excitement and relief I felt that after all this
time I was finally getting out of here.
The Open Meeting began. I did my Oldcomer Introduction then went to the back of the
Group. This meeting seemed to drag on forever after that. Finally Mr. Stafford was in front of
the Group talking to the parents when he started talking about the changes he had seen in some
people. Then he said, “The kind of changes that have been evident by the person who did his
introduction tonight.” At this point Mr. Stafford turned around and looked at me and said, “Don
Smith, you’re 7 th Stepped!!” The room erupted in applause as everyone stood to their feet. My
very first thought as I made my way toward Mr. Stafford was, “It is about time!” But I resisted. I
gave Mr. Stafford a hug. My mom and dad made their way to the front of the room and we
embraced as well.
The next person to 7 th Step was Nancy. She was the first person to 7 th Step that hadn’t
come up from St. Pete. Two other people 7 th Stepped with me that night. Shane and Kevin both
of whom had come in a day after I did. Mr. Stafford made a point to tell everyone that Shane
had completed his program without any setbacks. “Big deal” I thought. So had I. Before the
Open Meeting ended we returned to the side of group. Shane leaned over to me and whispered,
“It’s a good thing I 7 th Stepped tonight. If I hadn’t I was going to cop out.” At first I was
concerned about his attitude, but soon realized I had felt the same way for a while. I let the
issue drop.

The Open Meeting ended. I made my way out to the Carpet Room to find my parents.
There I saw Junior Staffer Cathie. She gave me a big hug and told me how proud she was of
me. She was just telling my parents that she had called her parents earlier in the day and told
them they needed to come to tonight’s Open Meeting. At first they were resistant to the idea.
After all Cathie was on Junior Staff and had been out of the program for a while. Why on earth
would they want to come to an Open Meeting But Cathie was persistent. She couldn’t come
right out and tell them I was 7 th Stepping, that would’ve been talking behind backs but she knew
they wouldn’t regret coming. It was nice to have them there.
I was told that I would be required to attend the 7 th Step Seminar on Saturday and
Sunday. It was going to be an all day event and I shouldn’t be late. I was a little scared of what
to expect but I knew I was glad to finally be out of the program. I asked if someone else would
be taking my Newcomer, Doug. I was told that I would still have to take care of him for two
more weeks. I was able to make arrangements to have someone else take care of him on my
first night out but I would have to pick him up on Saturday after the first 7 th Step Seminar. My
parents and I went to a popular restaurant down the street from Straight to celebrate.
After getting home that evening I got out the list of Group rules and started doing
something I think every new 7 th Stepper did. I started scratching out the rules that no longer
applied to me. Such as “no boots, jewelry.” “No stopping off” and other rules. I looked at it as a
stage that everyone goes through. Kind of like a stepping-stone to independence. Tomorrow
would have a whole new set of challenges for me to face. Honestly, I was a little worried.

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab
The 7 th Step Society
On Golden Chairs
7 th Steppers were required to attend what were called 7 th Step Seminars. These seminars
were designed to orient new 7 th Steppers to the new rules and expectations in the 7 th Step
Society. Saturday morning we arrived at the building at 8AM. The Assistant Director Mr.
Williamson led us to the Conference Room, which sat directly across from Mr. Staffords office.
Up to this point I had never stepped foot inside this room. Inside was a lavish carpeted room
with large comfortable sofas and chairs. The lights were dim and as I recall there was a lot of
lavender in the room. The setting was very relaxing and almost immediately I felt as ease. Just
as we got settled in Mr. Williamson announced that we would have to go to another room. The
conference room was slated to be used by someone else. We were told to go outside and meet
in a trailer that was parked in the parking lot.
As I started up the steps, Junior Staffer, Lee had noticed I was wearing an arrowhead
necklace. He asked, “Do you feel comfortable wearing that so soon after 7 th Stepping” I was a
little caught off guard by the question and I’m sure I looked nervous. I looked up at Lee and
said, “Yes.” Lee winked at me and said, “Okay, just checking.” I couldn’t believe it; Staff was
still messing with our heads. “Did it ever really stop” I asked myself. The setting inside the
trailer was plain. There were just enough chairs for everyone and one or two tables. We found a
seat and waited.
After being welcomed to the 7 th Step Society a new list of rules were handed out to us.
Although there weren’t nearly the number of rules as we had in Group the list was still pretty
long. Honesty was still the first and most important rule. We were reminded that even though
we were 7 th Stepped we were prohibited from engaging in guy/girl relationships and in fact we
couldn’t be in a room alone with a member of the opposite sex until we had been 7 th Stepped 6
months. We were still required to write MI’s daily for the next 6 months. A 7 th Step Officer could
require a 7 th Stepper to bring in his/her MI’s for review. Then we were told what we had always
heard when we were still in the program, “The 7 th Step Society is much stronger than the Group
and will hold you to a higher standard of living. After all, you are now role models for the others
still in the program.”
Next, we were all given a large packet of papers. These were called Life Plans. T hey
were designed to help us set specific goals for our futures. If memory serves me right we had to
write down what we expected of ourselves in the next 6 months, 1 year, 3 years, 5 years and 10
years. When I read it I leaned over to Shane and whispered, “I don’t even know where I’m going
for lunch today let alone what I want to do 5 or 10 years from now.” Shane chuckled softly
hoping not be to be heard. I looked over at Nancy and Kevin. They looked just as perplexed as
I felt. We worked at filling out our Life Plans over the course of the next several hours.
For the most part I don’t remember what I wrote that morning. I’m sure I wrote about
continuing to write music and to actually do something with it, like getting it copy written. I
wrote about becoming an over the road truck driver and that was about it. We broke for lunch
and reconvened in the trailer.
We were told that we would be required to attend two 7 th Step Raps each Tuesday and
Saturday. After three months, we had to attend at least one rap a week until our six months.
The rest of the time spent in the seminar is sketchy. I do know that we had to spend
Sunday afternoon to conclude the seminar and it seems to me there was an induction ceremony
into the 7 th Step Society. We received a red ribbon that had “7 Stepper” written on it in gold
letters.

On November 23 I attended my first 7 th Step Rap. Prior to going in to the Carpet Room
where the Raps were led we had to stand in the back of Group. About five minutes before the
Rap was scheduled to start we made our way to a door to leave. We still had to raise our hands
at the door and get Staff approval to leave the Group room, a practice I never agreed with.
We met in the Carpet Room. In the middle of the room chairs were set up in a circle.
These chairs were not the same hard blue plastic chairs that we had to endure during our
program. These chairs had about 1½ inches of cloth padding on the seat and back. Within the
circle were two other chairs that up to this point I had only seen during Executive Raps. They
were large gold colored chairs that were extremely soft. I would guess the padding on them was
at least 5 inches. Just seeing them sitting next to each other within the circle made me realize
these chairs were not to be touched. I took another seat and waited nervously. There were
probably about 6 other 7 th Steppers in attendance. After a few moments Marcus and Donna
entered the room and sat down in the golden chairs. I realized right away that these two were
the 7 th Step Officers. Another 7 th Stepper sat next to Donna. His name was Stanley. I learned
that although he was an Officer as well, he was the treasurer. Stanley was the President and
Donna was the Vice-President. Although they were not Staff Members, these people were to
obeyed and respected at all times. Nancy, Kevin, Shane and I were welcomed to the 7 th Step
Society followed by a round of applause.
Stan opened the meeting by asking, “What is your first step” Everyone raised their
hand. (We no longer had to motivate to get called on) Stan called on another 7 th Stepper. He
replied, “Admit I am powerless over drugs and came to believe that a power greater than myself
can restore me to sanity.” The person sitting to his left then recited the 2 nd Step and continued
around the circle until all seven steps had been recited. I did the 5 th Step.
From there the rap was conducted just like any other rap. Talking about our past,
present, and future. The topic of the very first rap was on fear. How appropriate, I thought it
was. I remembered talking about how I had some fear of the 7 th Step Society, fear that I would
be confronted and fear that I would not be able to maintain my sobriety outside of the program.
A lot of the 7 th Steppers related to me and told me to relax and just enjoy being a 7 th Stepper.
The one thing I learned that night was so long as I stayed open and didn’t try to hide anything,
there wouldn’t be a need to be confronted.
After the rap, which lasted about two hours, we closed the session by reciting The Lord’s
Prayer. The Officers left the room almost immediately without talking to anyone. The rest of us
started making plans to get together and do something. Most of the time on Tuesday’s we’d just
go out for a quick bite to eat. On Saturday nights, we’d likely take in a movie or something that
allowed us to stay out a little later.
On the way out, I ran into Stanley. He was smoking a cigarette. Up to this point I
never saw a 7 th Stepper smoke. There was a Newcomer who had his parents and Foster Parents
permission to smoke during his program but smoking was strongly discouraged. I was shocked
at first and my gut told me to confront him. But I stopped myself and thought; “It’s not against
the rules so there is no problem here.”
Being out of the program did take some adjusting. It wasn’t too long before one day I
was pulling my car out of the drive way and my dad was getting ready to pull in. He looked
surprised to see me leaving alone. We talked briefly in the middle of the street. I told him where
I was going. My dad told me later that he wasn’t used to seeing me out and about this way. It
would turn out to be an adjustment for the whole family. I can remember times pulling into a
convenience store to get something to drink and thinking, “Did I get this stop off checked out”
Then it would hit me, “Stupid, you don’t need to let anyone know what you’re doing.”
It was around this time that my friend Tommie told me that he had been driving on the
East side of our subdivision where Denise lived. He said, “Don, there is graffiti written on the
sidewalks and curbs that say, I love Don.” Tommie and I got in his car and drove near Denise’s
house and sure enough there were a number a places someone had written that message. I
knew it had to be Denise and I was both flattered and embarrassed. More flattered, really.

A part of me was tempted to stop by Denise’s house to see if perhaps she was home.
But I knew that if someone from the 7 th Step Society saw me I would be in a lot of trouble. I
didn’t like the idea of being started over for something so trivial.
Although I was 7 th Stepped I still had to take care of Doug. So I still had to drive out the
building everyday by 9PM and pick him up, take him home, feed him, make sure he got a shower
and take him back to Straight in the morning. Doug was thrilled for me; I vowed that I would try
to treat him better for the next two weeks. I don’t remember what the commotion was all about
but one night when Todd stayed over night we both became extremely confrontive with Doug.
We were relentless. I think a part of me became this way to make Todd think I was this strong
and adjusted 7 th Stepper. But inside I felt uncomfortable about the whole ordeal. At the same
time I was frustrated that I had to take care of him. At times I think I took my anger and
frustrations out on Doug. As I recall Doug took it all in stride. It was almost as if he knew what I
was experiencing.
On November 27 I attended my second 7 th Step Rap. It was on ego. Man, could I ever
relate. I talked about how I was taking my anger and frustrations out of my Newcomer because
I still had to take care of him. “After all” I said, “I’m a 7 th Stepper, I shouldn’t have to take care
of a Newcomer.” I held my breath expecting a confrontation. But it never came. I looked
around and everyone was shaking their heads in agreement. I was relieved to learn that this
was a normal reaction. The rest of the rap went off without a hitch. As I left the meeting that
night I thought to myself, “These six months are going to fly.”
I celebrated my one-year straight anniversary on November 28. I stood for this
anniversary at the following Open Meeting.
Tuesday November 30 was my first 7 th Step rap led by Executive Staff. The topic was
Weakness. About the only thing I remember about this rap was I was nervous only because
Executive Staff was leading it. Fear of Executive Staff was still very prominent in a 7 th Steppers
life. The reason it existed is because social interaction with Executives simply didn’t happen. To
us they sat in their big offices were too busy to become our friends not to mention the age
difference was a factor as well. They also rarely, if ever attended 7 th Step functions. Hence, the
irrational fear of them remained.
My last day to take care of Doug should have been December 3 but I was still taking care
of him until December 7. I’m not really sure how that happened, but it did. I took him to the
building. I gave him a hug just outside the Intake Room and we said our good-byes. I started
looking for a Staff member, any Staff member to let them know they would need to find Doug
another Oldcomer. The only Staff member around was the new Group Staff Supervisor, Julie.
She had transferred from the St. Petersburg branch to help out. It seems there was a shortage of
Staff in Cincinnati around this time. She seemed upset that I didn’t want to take care of this
Newcomer anymore, but I stood firm and told her I wouldn’t be coming back tonight. She tried
to talk me into keeping him for a while longer but I just shook my head and walked away.
I had been 7 th Stepped 19 days before I finally got the nerve to call a Staff member on
the phone. I was still intimidated by them, but I also knew I wanted to work on some
friendships that I thought would be long lasting. I called Senior Staff, Scott. We talked for a
while and I finally told him that I wanted to get together with him and do something. We
penciled in some days that he was off and then hung up.
Saturday December 11 was the first monthly 7 th Step Parent Rap. Executive Staff also
led these raps. These raps were interesting because these raps gave the parents the opportunity
to bring up any concerns they may have about their child’s behavior. Confrontations did happen
on occasion and when they did, they were relentless. The 7 th Step Society took a very dim view
of anyone not doing well outside the program. The fear of being started over or placed on a
refresher kept many kids out of trouble. I didn’t have anything to worry about. I kept up with
my chores and followed curfew religiously.

Todd and I were still working on our friendship and taking turns spending the night
together on the weekends. We did things together every chance we got. I always looked
forward to the long drive to his house. When we couldn’t get together we’d write. I thought
things were going okay with us until one day in early December. Todd and I were riding in his
car talking when he started saying about something about what had been on his mind for a few
days now. “I use to look forward to the day you’d 7 th Step and we could get together and do
things. It’s been fun but lately the friendship hasn’t been what I thought it would be. I just don’t
seem to be getting anything out of this friendship anymore.” I was devastated. I was stunned
and couldn’t think of anything to say. Tears welled up in my eyes and I busted out crying like I
hadn’t done in a very long time. I cannot describe the pain I was feeling inside. I was losing my
very best friend and there didn’t seem to be much I could do to stop it. Todd was caught off
guard by my reaction. I asked if there was anything I could do to change his mind. I felt silly, I
was begging for a friendship he clearly didn’t want anymore. He said, “I wasn’t expecting you to
have such a strong reaction to this. I’m sorry I even mentioned it. Let’s just forget it, perhaps
it’s something I have to work on. It’s not your fault and I’m sorry if I made you feel like it was.”
I felt a little better but I always felt like I was on notice with him. It would be several months
before I got over the incident. Todd treaded very carefully.
One of the things that I wanted to do was work with the Youth Group at my church. I
talked to my Youth Minister and asked about becoming a Youth Coach. I interviewed for a
position on December 13. I thought the interview went well and was confident I would be
appointed in the near future. In the meantime I was told that I could sing and play the piano for
kids church. I was looking forward to that.
Scott and I got together for the first time on December 26. Although I was a little
nervous around him he and I got along well. For the first time I talked to him as an equal without
the worry of being confronted or started over.
Up to this point most every MI I wrote contained the phrase, “If this isn’t changed I
could justify myself off and eventually go back to doing drugs.” I had convinced myself that the
consequences of any and all actions I deemed negative or unacceptable would lead me back to
doing drugs. This would take several weeks before I finally broke this habit.
My friend Tommie and I went to a restaurant at a nearby mall. I will never forget how
uncomfortable I felt there when I realized that there was a bar inside that served liquor. This
was the first time since being straight being inside an establishment like this. Tommie, being the
good friend he understood my predicament and we left the restaurant. But secretly it bothered
me that I couldn’t sit in a restaurant/bar like a normal person and have a simple lunch. I vowed
that one day I would get over this irrational fear.
On December 29 I was given the phone number to my first St. Pete Oldcomer Jack. But
because I wasn’t sure if he would even want to hear from me I never called him. With each
passing day I regretted not calling. Contacting Jack would give me an opportunity to contact
Stanley as well.
By the end of the year, Marsha was on 5 th Phase. I was setting goals in my MI to start
calling June. Deep inside I knew that associating with her was against the rules. I was smart
enough to keep this to myself. At the same time I was thinking about wanting seeing Marsha
when she re-7 th Stepped. Thoughts of seeing Denise again flooded my mind but I was too scared
to call her. If my parents or anyone in the 7 th Step Society found out I know I would be started
over.
On January 1, 1983 I attended my first 7 th Step dance. I had never even heard of these
dances while on my program. They occurred after the Group had been dismissed for the day.
For the first time since dancing with Denise I danced with another girl. Although it was nice, I
thought of Denise the whole time. It was during this dance I learned of an unwritten rule. Girls
were not supposed to turn a guy down to dance. This built up the self-esteem of the guys and it
worked.

Something was stating to happen to me. I started to realize that I was checking and
double- checking everything I was doing. When I did just about any thing or went to certain
places I would ask myself, “Would Straight, Inc. and the 7 th Step Society approve of this” It is
amazing to look back and see just how much influence Straight and the Society played in my life.
I was frustrated because I wanted to live my life the way I wanted without worrying about if it
was okay or not. I thought that was the whole purpose of the program to begin with. To live
my life without the need of the Group or an organization. It was my belief that the Executive
Staff would eventually say, “You don’t need us anymore. Go and live you life, achieve your life
goals, be happy and stay straight.” Maybe I would have to wait a while before that happened,
but it still bothered me.
On January 2 I went to the building to attend an Evening Rap with the Group. I still had
a lot of friends in Group and wanted to see them. Plus I really wanted to go to a Rap and help
people out. I arrived just as Rules Rap had ended. The Group was singing songs, two Staff
members were up front talking together, and 5th Phasers were busily taking Chain of Commands.
I saw something out of the corner of my eye to my right. I looked over and saw Marsha. She
was looking right at me. With her eyes she seemed to be asking if she could approach me. I
nodded my head trying not to attract the Staff. She and I quickly approached each other.
Before I could say a word, she smiled then stuffed a piece of paper in my hand, and turned
around and went back to the girl’s side of the group. I made my way back to the guy’s side while
slowly slipping the paper in my pocket. I carefully checked to see if the Staff had watched what
had just happened but they were still talking amongst each other.
After the rap was finished while the Group was lining up for dismissal I reached into my
pocket and removed the piece of paper. I opened it and realized it was a letter. I don’t
remember exactly what she had written but in a nutshell Marsha told me that she was proud of
me for 7 th Stepping. She was looking forward to getting out herself and wanted us to get to
know each other better. I quickly put the letter in my pocket and exited the Group room. As I
drove home I started thinking about the different things Marsha and I could do on dates.
But Marsha would prove to be the least of my concerns. On January 7 Todd had spent
the night at my house. He had followed me home after an Open Meeting in which the one- year
anniversary of Cincinnati Straight was celebrated. The night before I had convinced my parents
that it would be all right for me to make another trip to Western Kentucky University. June would
be there and it wouldn’t be a big deal to see her. The arrangements were made and I was really
looking forward to seeing her after all this time. I talked to Todd about my plans for the
weekend. Todd seemed a little concerned about my seeing June. I emphasized that June was
not a druggie girlfriend. That seemed to make Todd feel a little better, at least he didn’t say
another word about it. I dropped the subject.
On January 8 I attended my 12 th 7 th Step Rap. The topic was on Conviction. I don’t
remember the events that led to it but soon I found myself being confronted about setting up a
date with June. The next thing I remember I was led out to the very rear of the Group room and
told to have a seat in the hard blue plastic chair that was in a small circle. Fear gripped me as I
sat down. “What was going on here” I asked myself. The two Officers, Marcus and Donna sat
down. Junior Staff member Lee was also a part of the small circle of people set out to confront
me about this situation. At one point I broke down and cried. But I wasn’t crying because I felt
bad about the situation, okay maybe a little bit. But the real reason I was crying so hard is
because I was so mad at Todd for going behind my back and reporting me without having the
common courtesy of telling me he was going to report me. After a while longer, Lee got up from
the group and went into the Junior Staff office. I was terrified. “Was I going to be started over
What I was going to be placed on an in-group refresher What was going to happen” Lee
finally emerged from the office. He told me that no action was going to be taken against me. I
was so relieved. That night I wrote in my MI how thankful I was for having strong friends that
really cared about me. This was the first and only time I was confronted in the 7 th Step Society.
It wasn’t something I wanted to have happen again.

The next day I called June and explained that I wasn’t going to be able to see her. I told
her of the confrontation and didn’t want to risk my position over a “date.” She told me that she
understood, but I could tell she was a little disappointed. We agreed that we would get together
after I had been 7 th Stepped for six months. The real strange part of this was the fact that on
the 9 th I had written in my MI to call Junior Staff member Cathie to set up a day to see each
other. Was that considered a date or was it okay because she was on Staff I would never
know.
On January 11 I went into Group prior to going to the 7 th Step Rap. It was then I learned
that Marsha had gotten started over. A part of me was concerned that it was because of the
letter she had written to me. But I wasn’t going to ask anyone for fear that I would somehow
get in trouble for taking the letter and not saying anything to Staff. It was at this point that I
gave up on waiting for Marsha to get out of the program.
As I read though my MI’s I came across one that bothered me more than any other that
I had written up to this point. I am a God fearing born again Christian today and had been even
before going into the program. But on January 16 I wrote the following statement in my
Challenge. “It states in the Bible that I must deny myself and take up my cross and
follow Jesus to have eternal life. Yet because I have a terminal disease, I must keep
me my first priority and stay open with my feelings and attitudes.” At this point it would
seem that I had taken God out of the equation in my sobriety. What was happening to me Of
course as I wrote this MI over 20 years ago, I felt good about the MI. I thought I was making an
appropriate change in my life. As it turns out I was making some serious mistakes and allowing
my program to dictate a new belief system that was “superior” to God, as I understand Him. In
the next paragraph I wrote, “I can do this by keeping the friendships that I have and
remain open with what I go through. Also help other people out and give them what
they need.” Reliance on people within the Society and Group and in turn be there for them
evidently became paramount.
I started my first day in Kids Church on January 23. I would usually give a little testimony
about my drug use and then sing a song. This was something that I really enjoyed doing. Scott
and I at one point sang a duet for the kids. The song we did was one that was written by Scott
and Peggy back on my program called “Through the pain.” I was still waiting to hear when I
could start working as a Youth Coach. My desire to work with the kids grew every week. I
wanted to warn them about the dangers that awaited them in high school. I didn’t want anyone
to ever have to go through what I did to get sober.
In the mean time I became concerned for the kids that were in Straight. It seemed that
a lot of people were getting set back or started over. I even thought at one point that they were
too weak to survive. I committed myself to going into Group every T hursday and one day on the
weekend to encourage and be strong with the Group.
On January 26 I got laid off from my job on the Estate. I was a little worried about what
I was going to do next. I basically tried to concentrate on all the good things that were going on
in my life and adapt the best I could. I found yet another opportunity to call my St. Pete
Oldcomer and again for reasons unknown, I didn’t call him.
Scott and I continued to get together pretty regularly. He and I played music together.
Scott played the guitar. At one point Lee joined us. Lee was a blast to be around. The one thing
I remember about him was that he was exactly the same outside the building as he was when he
was leading raps in Group. He was perhaps the most genuine person I got to know there.
On February 3 the 7 th Steppers had a party at Cathie’s home. It was a surprise party for
Peggy. She was leaving Staff to pursue a career in the military. She and I had a chance to talk
for the first time ever. We reminisced about my program. I reminded her about what she had
told my parents the night I went home. She was glad that I had proven her wrong. I discovered
that beneath her cold stern exterior she was a very friendly and approachable person. I told her
that I wanted to stay in touch with her. That night someone took a picture of her saluting. I
wanted that picture but couldn’t remember who snapped the photo.

That same night I was talking with a 7 th Stepper that had been out of the program for
well over six months. I asked him about Sue and Pam the two Juniors that had simply stopped
showing up to work while I was still in the program. I was told that both had copped out from
Staff and it was believed that they both relapsed. I was extremely disappointed and saddened to
hear the news. I left the party that night was mixed emotions.
On February 10 I went into Group for night rap. What I saw disturbed me. Junior
Staffer, Gary was leading the rap alone. He started the rap from behind group, which was
unusual in and of itself. Dressed in druggie attire, faded blue jeans, hair parted down the
middle, etc Gary made his way to the front of Group. He started using all kinds of druggie slang
and was trying to act cool. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Of all the raps I had ever
participated in I had never witnessed a Staff member dressing and acting like this. The kids in
the group didn’t know how to react either. Some were snickering others stared silently not
wanting to do or say anything for fear they would be confronted about it later, and yes, some
were so bothered by what they were seeing, they began to cry. After a few minutes of this I
caught the attention of Scott who had been somewhat observing the rap but was caught up
doing some paperwork. Scott came over to where I was standing and we began to talk about
what Gary was doing. At one point Gary looked in our direction and looked concerned. Gary
knew the rap wasn’t being responded to the way he had hoped, but he kept on. Then Gary
asked someone to relate. Problem was, no one wanted to. Not a single hand went up for a
while. Finally Gary called on a guy. He stood up and said that he didn’t feel comfortable with
the way he was acting and it bothered him. Some one else was called on. By this time Scott was
standing directly behind group and motioned for Gary to come to him. They began quietly
talking. The person relating had finished and sat down. The room fell quiet. The only sounds
were that of Scott and Gary talking and sniffling of people crying in Group. This was the first
time I had ever witness a rap come to a complete and abrupt halt. Gary eventually had to
change his clothes, comb his hair with the part on the side and change the rap topic. At this
point I determined that I didn’t want to participate in the rap and left.
One night a Staff Trainee named Glen, who by the way had a very short program, invited
me to stay at his house over night. I followed him home. Somewhere along the route home he
pulled in to a department store parking lot. It was covered in snow from a recent storm we had.
He began spinning out and doing doughnuts in the lot. I pulled my car as far away from him as I
could and just watched. After about five minutes he pulled back onto the main road and we
continued to his house. As we ate dinner I struggled with the temptation of saying something to
his parents about what he had done. I decided not to say anything. I spent the rest of the
evening watching Glen work out before we went to bed.
The next day I went to the building to spend a few hours with the Group. At some point
I was walking near the Intake Rooms and suddenly I heard someone crying. I had never in all
my time there heard anyone cry the way this person was. It was a cross between wailing and
howling. It sent chills up and down my spine. I made my way toward the front lobby. There
also crying was Glen’s mother. She saw me and ran toward me and began yelling at me, “Why
didn’t you tell me Glen was doing doughnuts in the parking lot Why didn’t you tell me that he
was doing badly They just started my Glenny over again!” With that the tears came streaming
down her face, I could hear the pain and disappointment in her cry. I felt guilty but said nothing
and walked directly to the Group room. When I walked inside I saw Glen sitting in the chairs
behind group. His eyes were puffy and red from crying. He looked angry and he snarled at me. I
wondered why he was so mad. The first and only time I do something with Glen and he gets
started over the next day. I was confused and felt sick to my stomach. Scott came out from the
Staff offices and saw me. He walked over to me. As he approached I got scared. “Was he
coming after me Was I in some sort of trouble” I wondered. Scott and I said hello and then he
just stood there next to me saying absolutely nothing. He was watching the rap that was being
led. After a few minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore. I leaned over to Scott and asked, “What’s
going on with Glen Why’d he get started over” Scott leaned over and said, “He was started
over because he admitted to getting high.” I was shocked. Scott continued, “Glen had been

getting high since 3 rd phase. He fooled every one.” As I stood there taking in what Scott had just
told me it suddenly occurred to me, “That bitch was trying to make me feel guilty for something I
had no responsibility over. Glen’s mother wanted to blame me for her sons trouble.” I was mad
as hell. I really wanted to go back to the lobby and tell her off, but decided that saying nothing
was probably best in the long run. Glen was transferred to another branch and was never heard
from again.
After the Rap that night I saw Dean talking with some clients in the back of the group.
Two of them were sitting in chairs that are usually used by Junior and Senior Staff members. I
over heard Dean tell him, “You guys can’t sit in these chairs. These chairs are like gold.” In some
ways I think Dean was just messing with them, on the other hand he may have been serious.
He was sometimes hard to read.
On February 13 I was given an opportunity to give a testimonial at my church. I was a
little nervous about it, but I knew it would be pretty much like an Introduction. In fact I opened
my testimonial by telling them my name, age drugs I did etc. Then I just started talking about
the kind of person I had become when I did drugs. Later I told everyone what kind of person I
had become since Straight. I think I made a number of people feel uncomfortable when I
admitted to drinking and smoking pot on the property during church services. But perhaps the
biggest bombshell I dropped on them was when I told them the drug problem wasn’t just at
school. There were plenty of people right here at church that have a substance abuse problem.
A lot of people were really touched by my testimonial; others were left feeling squeamish. I later
learned that some of the Elders and Deacons of the church were upset because they thought I
was talking about their family, their kids. Fact is, I was. But only because it was true. I spoke
with the Senior Pastor after the service and asked if it was possible to get a copy of my
testimonial on tape. He assured me he would get one for me.
National Straight had recently approved Straight Cincinnati to build an expansion on the
existing building due to a large increase in the number of clients coming into the program. I
applied for a job working on the job site in whatever capacity they thought I could be used. On
February 16 I was hired as the Assistant to the Foreman. I really didn’t do a lot of hands on
construction. I mostly did administrative work and spent most of the time in the trailer working
with blueprints and other paperwork.
On February 20, a week after giving my testimonial I went to the church to get the tape
I was promised. But when I arrived, I was told that for some reason the testimonial section of
the service didn’t record right. I was disappointed and a part of me thought that perhaps the
tape had been sabotaged.
On February 22 just after the 7 th Step Rap had ended, Marcus made an announcement.
“My term as Officer is coming to an end soon, is there anyone here that would be interested in
running for 7 th Step Officer” Without even thinking my hand went straight up. I’m not sure
exactly why I wanted to be an Officer. I thought perhaps it would be fun. I knew I could lead
some pretty interesting raps. Kevin also expressed an interest in running. At this point I really
didn’t know if I would be selected after all, Kevin had worked as a Staff Trainee for while, so
perhaps he had a better chance. Our names were written down. A few days later, Marcus told
me that I would be doing a 7 th step rap on February 26.
On February 25 my good friend Nolan finally 7 th Stepped the program. He and I got
together and started working on our friendship. It took Nolan a while to get out and he was glad
to finally be out. It had been a while since I last saw Nolan except in Group and even then most
times he was busy doing 5 th Phase work.
On February 26 I took a seat in the golden chairs and did my 7 th Step Rap on holding
back. Donna came up to me afterward and told me that I had done a great job. She liked the
rap topic she liked how I was able to keep the rap flowing and moving forward and was
impressed with several of the points that were made throughout the rap.

In the mean time, Scott and I continued working together in two areas. Our friendship,
and our music. We had seriously talked about working together in the music field professionally.
I was a little apprehensive about it and was scared that we would fail. But we got together every
week and had fun with it. It didn’t matter if we would ever go professional or not. I just like
playing and singing.
On March 1, Kevin did his 7 th Step Rap. I don’t remember what the topic was, but I do
recall that he did a good job keeping the rap moving forward and stayed focused. After the rap
Marcus told us that this coming Saturday the Society would vote for one of us to be the next
Officer. I wasn’t too worried about who would win, although I did think that Kevin had a bit of an
advantage over me.
On March 5, Marcus cut the Rap short. He explained to Kevin and I that we would each
have about 5 minutes to tell everyone why we should be elected as Officer. Once Kevin and I did
so, each member was given a piece of paper and vote for the person they wanted to be Officer.
I thought for a minute about writing my name on my slip of paper but thought that would be
selfish. I voted for Kevin. Marcus collected the votes and left the room. There wasn’t a lot to do
while we waited for Marcus to return. The room fell silent for a while as we looked at each
other. After about 15 minutes or so Marcus came back into the room and sat down. With
nervous anticipation we waited to hear from Marcus. He sat there for a bit and looked around
the circle. Then he said, “I have counted the votes and….Don Smith, you’re our new 7 th Step
Officer.” I spent the next few minutes thanking everyone for their support and promised I would
do the best I could do be a good Officer.
Right after the group was dismissed Donna took me back to the Officers office. As I
walked in I realized that I was under 6 months 7 th Stepped and yet I was going to be in this
room alone with her. I asked her how this was going to work. Donna assured me that
everything would be fine. Don’t get me wrong I certainly wasn’t arguing, Donna was an
attractive young girl and I was really looking forward to working with her. She explained a little
about what an Officer was responsible for.
“First of all” Donna began, “Your title is Vice-President. With Marcus leaving I am now
the President of the Society. I answer to Executive Staff, more specifically Program Coordinator,
Betty Wright. You answer to me.” She continued. “You will be responsible for getting the 7 th
Step OBS book before the Raps begin. The OBS book is kept in a filing cabinet in the Junior Staff
office.” I asked, “Can I just walk in and get it” “No, you must knock on the door and have a
Junior Staff member get the book for you.” “You will need to have a rap topic ready each
Tuesday and Saturday although I don’t have to approve it, I would like you to tell me about it so
we can co-lead them.” Next she explained what the Golden Chairs were all about. “The only
persons allowed to sit in those chairs are the Executive Staff, and 7 th Step Officers. If you see
someone else trying to sit there, kindly ask them to move to another chair.” You are permitted to
do One-on-One’s with 7 th Steppers under 6 months 7 th Stepped. If possible do these before the
Rap because we will be busy doing paperwork after the rap. On average, expect to stay about 30
minutes after the rap. If you have One-on-Ones to conduct or a meeting with Executive Staff,
expect to stay longer. You are responsible for organizing 7 th Step functions. For the first few
weeks I would rather you observe confrontations. Talk to me about what you want to say while
another 7 th Stepper is confronting someone.” There were other things that over time I would
learn but that was pretty much it for now. I watched as she wrote in the OBS book. When she
was finished, I took it to the Junior Staff office to be put away for the night.
A few days later I was hanging out with Olivia. She was looking through some pictures.
Then I saw one that caught my eye. There was Peggy saluting the camera. The picture that had
been taken at her surprise party. I asked her if I could have a copy of the picture. Olivia looked
up at me and said, “Here, it’s yours.” I gladly took the picture, thanked Olivia and placed the
picture in a photo album.
Donna and I worked really well together as Officers. I remember just how easy she was
to talk to. We frequently talked on the phone.

I started working on other friendships too. Dennis had now been out of the program for
a while he was a Staff Trainee and played a mean game of pool. He and I spent hours in my
basement playing pool as he gave me pointers to improve my game. Dennis won most of the
games despite my best efforts. One day, Dennis and his Foster Brother, Ben and I got together.
Ben had recently bought his first 4-wheel drive truck and wanted to take it out 4 wheeling.
Dennis and I climbed into the bed of the truck and took off for a nearby area where construction
was going on. It had rained for a few days prior and conditions were just right for some messy 4
wheeling. Ben drove his truck into the center of the construction site and we promptly sunk the
truck up to the frame. Dennis was laughing hysterically as Ben tried to shift the truck into a gear
that would get us out of this mess. It was useless, the truck wasn’t going anywhere. Ben had to
call a tow truck to get his truck moved out of the mud. In fact it took two tow trucks to get it
done safely. After the driver pulled the truck out he asked Ben if he had turned the lugs to 4-
wheel drive. Ben’s response was, “Turn the lugs” Dennis and I busted out laughing all over
again.
I did my first One-on-One on March 15. It was with Nolan. He didn’t look very
comfortable during the raps. At times he almost looked lonely and wasn’t really ready to talk
about how he felt about being out of the program. I would liken it to a fish out of water. Nolan
told me that he didn’t feel like he really belonged there just yet and felt more comfortable in the
Group. I told him that perhaps he felt this way because when he was in Group he was a 5 th
Phaser and pretty much had control and respect from the other Phasers. I said, “I bet if you
think about it you feel a little like a Newcomer in the Society and you’re just having some trouble
adjusting.” I watched his reaction and he seemed like a light went off in his head. He smiled. I
knew that what I had just said hit home with him. Nolan told me that he was going to give it a
little more time to get use to being here and talk with other people about it. I suggested that he
called some other 7 th Steppers and make plans to go out and do different things together. “The
sooner you do that, the sooner you’ll start to feel a part of the Society.” He shook his head,
thanked me for talking to him and left the room. My first One-on-One went well.
On March 17 Straight, Inc. had a talent show. I was surprised at just how much talent
was in the Group and Society. Scott and I sang two songs during the show. One of them was a
song that Scott and Peggy had written while I was still in the program called, “Through The
Pain.”
On March 23 in an attempt to contact my first St. Pete Oldcomer I wrote a letter to the
Officers of the St. Pete 7 th Step Society requesting the latest list of 7 th Steppers there. A few
days later I got a reply. I was disappointed to discover that neither one of my St. Pete
Oldcomers names were on the list.
Later that day I got a call from Wayne, the Grounds Master at Sky Top. He wanted to
know if I would be interested in coming back to work there. I accepted. I did so because I
really believed I was more useful there than at the building. I took a $400.00 pay cut to go back
there, but it was worth it in the end. I was more comfortable on the Estate. I started back the
next day.
On March 27 I ran into Christine. I hadn’t seen her since we graduated from high school.
She was drinking and I felt sad for her. Seeing her inspired me to write a song called, “We’ve
Got A Problem.” It was about how serious I believed that the drug problem had become not only
in our area locally, but also on a national level.

We’ve Got A Problem
March 27, 1983
We’ve got a problem, that people deny
They won’t believe it, until they all die
But it’s a disease son, and it won’t go away
For it will be here for centuries and days
It an epidemic, but you don’t realize
It’ll smack you silly; it’ll stare you in the eyes
But it’s a disease girl, and it won’t go away
For it will be here for centuries and days
Drugs are deadly, but you just won’t believe
Parents in denial stage, they cannot conceive
But it’s a disease folks and it won’t go away
For it will be here for centuries and days
CHORUS: And all at once, I see people I know go way down
And all at once I see people I know lying on the ground to die
We’ve got a problem; we’ve got a deadly problem.
That song would become pretty well known in the Cincinnati Straight. I performed that
song in church’s and schools across Ohio.
In April I took a trip to Northern Ohio. I was scheduled to do a testimonial in a church
that my Aunt and Uncle attended. Once there, I remember feeling uncomfortable about the way
my grandparents were acting, not only toward my parents, but toward me as well. I felt
frustrated because I believed that I wasn’t living up to the expectations my grandparents had of
their grandchildren.
On April 3 I went to the church and did my testimonial and sang, “We’ve got a problem.”
I remember at one point while speaking I caught the eye of a young kid and his friends as they
walked into the meeting area. Both were obviously high, I could just tell. I said, “There are even
people here, in this very room who are struggling with drugs and alcohol.” I looked that kid right
in the eye. As soon as the service let out, I went looking for him, but he had gotten away.
Several weeks later I learned that he had quit doing drugs and was getting the help he needed. I
was so thankful that I could be used to influence a youngster that way.
On April 13 I was in and around a local university with Scott and Olivia. I saw Christine
again. She was drunk. I felt sick to my stomach. I talked to Scott and Olivia about my going
over to her and talking with her. Scott didn’t think it was a good idea. I had known for a while
that Christine drank. I saw a picture of her chugging a beer and it really bothered me, even
though I was using drugs. I didn’t want to come to grips with the reality that drugs and alcohol
doesn’t discriminate, it’ll take anyone for a long destructive ride it they let it. Did I think Christine
had a problem That wasn’t for me to answer. But seeing her that night brought my fears a little
closer to reality and I didn’t like it.

On April 19 elections were held for another 7 th Step Officer. Donna’s term was over.
The field was narrowed to two candidates. A recent 7 th Stepper, Brad and once again Kevin was
in the running. The votes were collected and Donna left the room to tally the votes. A few
minutes later, Donna emerged and announced that Brad was the new Vice-President of the 7 th
Step Society. I was appointed President. I was a little concerned and frankly nervous about
taking on the leadership role of the Society. Donna assured me she would be available to call,
but that I should do fine. She and I stayed in touch even after she moved out of state.
I started training Brad and explained what would be expected of him as an Officer. The
one thing that sticks out in my mind about Brad was his eagerness to learn and undying
dedication to the 7 th Steppers. He had formed a lot of friendships and wanted to be there to help
them. I knew he would make a great Officer and that the Society had made the right choice.
My responsibilities within the Society grew too. I answered to Executive Staff. I could
do One-on-Ones with any 7 th Stepper. I could call in any 7 th Stepper to attend a mandatory 7 th
Step rap. This included 7 th Stepped Staff Trainees, Junior, Senior Staff and even the Group Staff
Supervisor. I could discipline 7 th Steppers with mandatory 3,7,14, or 21 day behind Group
refreshers. Any 7 th Stepper that relapsed or for any other reason was placed in bad standing with
Straight was announced to the other 7 th Steppers before or after 7 th Step raps and remind them
that associating with them was strictly prohibited. I could be called upon at anytime to assist
Executive Staff with Family Conferences involving 7 th Steppers and their families. I could also
make recommendations for 7 th Steppers to become Officers.
Within two weeks of my new position disaster struck. The Group Staff had a mandatory
all night Staff meeting. These usually occurred when the Group or the Staff had issues to deal
with. The next morning my friend Dennis, who had recently been promoted to Junior Staff, was
driving home when he fell asleep behind the wheel. He ran off the road and hit a tree head on.
He was admitted to the hospital for multiple fractures. I was contact early that morning by
Executive Staff and told of the details of the accident. Though his injuries were not considered
life threatening they were serious. Since he was chemically dependent he was not allowed to
have any pain medication that could be addictive. At this point Dennis was refusing all pain
medications even if they weren’t addictive. Dennis was going to push through the pain. I was
told to start scheduling 7 th Steppers to be with him around the clock until he is discharged. I
called Brad. He and I split the 7 th Step list and started calling. Afterward I remember feeling
overwhelming pressure to accomplish this task not to mention I was scared for Dennis as well. I
broke down and cried. I was never more thankful that my parents were there to lend support
and help for me. I spent countless hours and nights at Dennis’ bedside, as his broken bones
healed. I don’t recall how long he was in the hospital, but I do know that he was never alone.
Early on as President I wanted to do raps that were off the beaten path. I thought that
one could only do so many raps on insecurity, anger or any of the other dozens of topics that
had been beaten into our brains on our programs. I wanted to do raps that had never been
done before. One of the first of these kinds of raps was on the four stages of Chemical
Dependency. It in, I would utilize a videotape that had been produced by Dr. Newman. As he
described the four stages I wanted the 7 th Steppers to listen closely then think about where they
were when they first came into the program. I ran this idea by Mrs. Wright only because I had
to ask her to borrow the video. Betty told me point blank that the rap would flop. She said,
“This is better suited for someone still in their program, not 7 th Steppers.” I argued that it could
work for either group. But she insisted the rap would not work. “You can go ahead and try it
Don, but if I were you, I would have a back up topic for when this one fails.” I did the rap
anyway. I hadn’t even gotten the video to the 2 nd Stage when I looked around the room and
realized that everyone there was either bored out of their mind or confused as to what I was
trying to teach them. Embarrassed, I quickly changed the rap topic and moved on. The respect
that I had for Mrs. Wright grew even more that evening.

In May Mrs. Wright approached me. I was told that she and Mr. Williamson had a
meeting that evening. She needed me to lead the 7 th Step Parent Rap. I was scared to death.
As far as I knew an Officer had never led a parent rap before. But to ease my mind Mrs. Wright
told me that the rap would be non-confrontational. We basically ended up brainstorming for
ways to raise money for Straight. As the ideas were discussed Brad wrote the ideas down on
paper. After the rap the list of suggestions were give to Mr. Williamson.
The following month Mrs. Wright led the parent rap. Now I don’t know if it was the
intent of Executive Staff to bring up rock music, but it did come up. Various 7 th Steppers stood
up and said they were comfortable listening to certain groups. Others stood firmly on the idea
that rock music was bad and they didn’t listen to it in any form. Those that said they liked
listening to rock music were disciplined on the spot, mostly in the form of behind group
refreshers. Why Brad didn’t see what was happening wasn’t clear to me, but I sensed an ambush
from this anti-rocker Executive Staff member. Brad was called on at one point and said, “The
music we listen to is our choice and no one should have the right to dictate to anyone what we
listen to.” Then he said, “I like listening to rock music, I don’t have a problem with it.” I was
stunned “What the hell is he thinking” I thought to myself. Mrs. Wright was clearly upset not
only by what he had just said, but also in the disrespectful manner in which he said it. Mrs.
Wright promptly demoted Brad from his position and told him to have a seat. I didn’t want to
relate in this rap because had I been called on I would have to side with Brad. No one, in my
opinion, had the right to tell me what kind of music I should be listening to. At the same time I
didn’t want to lose my position as an Officer. I grabbed a pad of paper and started writing on it
as if I were writing up the incident with Brad being demoted.
After the Rap I stayed clear of Mrs. Wright. I knew I would have to lie and tell her that I
was disappointed in so many 7 th Steppers and Brad. I didn’t want to have to tell her that I had
made a similar statement when I was on 5 th Phase and nothing happened to me. I reported
straight to my office wrote the incident in the OBS book and left for the night.
Looking back I am not sure why I didn’t get some one to replace Brad. Executive Staff
didn’t ask me to do it. I think one reason may be because I didn’t think there was anyone in the
Society that would be able to do the job well enough. Brad would be difficult to replace.
Perhaps it was my own ego, wanting to lead the 7 th Step Society for the first time with only one
Officer.
On May 19 I wrote my last mandatory MI. It was so nice not to have to write them
anymore. I promised myself that I would write them if and when I needed to. I have written
several since then. I made a phone call to June to see if she was still interested in seeing me.
She invited me down to Kentucky for a visit. After getting directions to her home, I packed.
The next day I drove to Kentucky. June was living with a “Foster Mom” while attending
college. When I saw June for the first time I was overwhelmed at the idea that she hadn’t
changed a bit since high school. She was still as beautiful as ever. She had shoulder length
brown hair, green eyes and a body that wouldn’t quit. She and I went out to eat. June had
taken up smoking since she graduated from high school. I was disappointed. She and I talked a
lot about my time in Straight. She was amazed at some of the things that went on there, but
was happy that I was able to get off drugs. After lunch we went back to her place and went to
her room. We settled in on her couch and started to cuddle. It was so nice being back in a
woman’s arms. Before I knew it, one thing led to another and we made love. For me it was a
first. Afterward we went upstairs and visited with her Foster Family. I wasn’t there too much
longer before I left. I was in heaven thinking about the next time I saw June.

The next day I was talking to Tommie and told him how June and I seemed to be getting
along. Tommie was happy for me. But when I called June to make arrangements to see her
again her whole demeanor had changed. She made it clear that she didn’t want to see me
again. I was heartbroken and disappointed that she was dumping me so quickly after the
relationship had started. She told me that she thought we had moved way to fast and that our
making love was wrong. I immediately started feeling an immense guilt. Although it was not
against the rules to engage in sexual relations after six months, this was something that Straight
clearly opposed.
Over the course of the next several weeks, I, my paranoia and head games convinced
me that June would actually call someone at Straight and report us for having sex. I can
remember several occasions being at work and without warning break down and cry
uncontrollably. I couldn’t stop for several minutes. It even happened at times when I was
operating heavy equipment. The guilt and fear became unbearable at times. But I knew if I told
anyone I would be in serious trouble. I had to deal with the emotions and go on as if nothing
were wrong.
I continued to work closely with the 7 th Step Society and led raps that were unique to my
personality. Because I was the only Officer, Mrs. Wright and I worked closer than ever before.
We talked on a daily basis.
One day I came in early. I had gotten an idea to read through just about every OBS to
see how many times different people were mentioned. I kept a tally and decided that the top
three people would be dealt with in a unique way. I was going to call their parents to see if
perhaps there was something going on at home that I didn’t know about. Learning about what
was going on at home could be helpful to me in dealing with them in raps. Or perhaps I could
help the parents deal with the 7 th Steppers in a more effective manner at home.
One particular case was Bill. He was a fourteen year old who had an older brother still in
the program. When I called his parents they informed me that he had seemed lonely and
detached from the Society. When I asked why they thought this, they replied that he didn’t go
out and do things with the other 7 th Steppers. I inquired as to why this was. The dad stated
that he couldn’t go out because he didn’t have any money. I was perplexed. “Why doesn’t he
have any money” I asked. He replied, “He doesn’t have a job.” I was floored. “Well of course
he doesn’t have a job, he isn’t old enough to get one yet.” “Don’t you give him an allowance”
I asked “An allowance” dad replied, “What for” I went on to explain that if he gives him a list of
chores do to throughout the week he could pay him so much a week thereby allowing Bill to have
money so he could go out and do things with the 7 th Steppers. After talking a little longer both
parents agreed to give it a try. They thanked me for calling. I told them that if they needed
anything at all, to call me. The other parents that I contacted denied any problems nor did they
seem overly concerned about how they were doing.
After the next 7 th Step Rap, Bill came to my office and personally thanked me for calling
his parents about his situation. Things were working out well with his chores and now he was on
his way out with his friends to take in a movie.
One day several 7 th Steppers approached me about a problem they were having with a
Junior Staff member. It seemed that Dean was relentlessly teasing them, making fun of them,
and at time being confrontational towards them. One 7 th Stepper put it bluntly by saying, “Dean
is acting like a Druggie and I don’t like it.” In all about 6 7 th Steppers filed complaints with me
against Dean. I went to Mrs. Wright and told her about the problem. I asked her if it was okay
for me to call him in to a mandatory rap. Although Dean had been 7 th Stepped for well over 6
months, I knew it was within my authority to make this request. Mrs. Wright told me to call him
in to the next rap.

It just so happened the Dean was in the building. I went to look for him. I finally found
him in the hallway just outside the Junior Staff office near the Intake Rooms. I could feel my
heart racing as I approached him. “Dean.” I said, “I need to talk to you for a minute.” Dean
looked annoyed and angry “What do you want” he snapped. “Dean” I said, “You will be
required to attend this Saturday’s 7 th Step Rap. I’m calling you in.” Dean’s face turned red and I
could tell he was livid. “You don’t have the authority to call me into a rap!” Dean yelled. I
replied, “Well Dean as a matter of fact I do have the authority to call you in. In addition I have
already spoken with Mrs. Wright and she is in agreement with me. You need to be at the next
7 th Step Rap.” Dean now looked scared and began to stammer, “Well…I have to work this
Saturday, so you’ll have to make it another day.” I looked straight into Dean’s eyes and said,
“Dean you don’t need to worry about that, we’ll make arrangements for you to be available at
7PM. If you have any questions, please feel free to call Mrs. Wright or me. I walked away
relieved that the conversation was over.
Saturday came and went. Dean failed to show up for the Rap. I called Mrs. Wright at
home and reported this to her. Mrs. Wright told me that Dean had called off that day and that’s
why he didn’t show up tonight. I asked her if I should’ve been told about this. She told me that
Senior Staff should’ve notified me. When I told her that no one had said anything about it, she
seemed upset and promised me that she would follow up on where the communications break
down occurred. Both Mrs. Wright and I thought that Dean called off to avoid the 7 th Step Rap.
But we had no way to prove it. Mrs. Wright told me to inform the on duty Senior Staff member
to make sure Dean is available for Tuesday’s 7 th Step Rap. I left my office and informed Senior
Staff Scott.
That Tuesday I saw Dean in and around the building. I went to Mrs. Wright’s office and
talked to her about the rap. She gave me some pointers on how to handle this situation. As I
left her office, she told me to have someone get her is she was needed.
I finished up some paperwork in my office and then made my way to the Carpet Room.
When I walked in everyone started taking their seats. Dean made his way over to the Gold chair
and sat down. I walked over to him and said, “You’ll need to find another seat. This one is
mine.” Dean was obviously annoyed, looked up at me and said, “I was here first, find your own
chair.” I could feel myself getting angry but I took a deep breath and said, “Dean, do you
remember the night you were telling some Phasers that the chairs in the back of group were like
gold” Dean shook his head. “Well” I continued, “These chairs are gold. Only Executive Staff and
7 th Step Officers are allowed to sit in these chairs. Please find another seat.” I could hear some
7 th Steppers chuckling and were amused by my statement. Dean, now embarrassed got up and
found a chair as far from me as possible.
The rap topic I choose was showing respect for others. In the present part of the rap I
called on Dean. He related as quickly as he could. After all, Dean knew that he was called in for
a reason and knew he could get confronted at anytime. Other 7 th Steppers started raising their
hands to say something. I was prepared for this, but at the same time I was worried that this
could get out of the control and turn into a full pledged confrontation. I didn’t want that. I
called on the first 7 th Stepper and held my breath. He told Dean exactly what he had said to him
and that he thought it was disrespectful. It was short, sweet and non-confrontational. Respectful
really. The next 7 th Stepper followed suite. He mentioned the specific incident and told Dean he
thought he was being treated disrespectfully. After about five 7 th Steppers said something to him
Dean looked over at me as if to say, “Now what” I asked Dean, “Do you see how the way you
say things to people can come across as being disrespectful” Dean shook his head. I continued,
“You’re a decent guy, and I know your heart is in the right place most of the time. I’m sure you
didn’t mean to hurt people but the way you come across sometimes gives people that
impression. Do you understand” Again Dean shook his head. He looked flustered and nervous.
The silence that followed was almost deafening. “Do you have anything you want to say to any
of the people that have said something to you tonight” At that point Dean made direct amends
to those he hurt and assured them that he would be more aware of the way he comes across to
people. He also made amends to me for the way he acted over my chair. The confrontation was

over. Dean seemed relived. So was I. For the first time that I can remember Dean actually
smiled at me.
After the rap I went to my office and called Mrs. Wright to give her a report on how the
confrontation went. She was pleased it went so well. They she said, “Oh, Don when you get
done there, I need to see you in my office.” I was terrified that she knew about June and I. But
when I went to her office, Mrs. Wright told me that she needed me to handle the Dean situation
by myself. If I didn’t it would be harder to get the respect owed to me by the 7 th Steppers in the
Society. If Mrs. Wright were in anyway involved in that confrontation it would’ve been harder for
people to look to me for guidance and leadership. She was right.
A few weeks went by. I was still dealing with the emotions of hiding the sexual
encounter I had with June. I was still convinced that she would call and tell someone about what
we did. I remember thinking that one day during a rap I would just passively bring it up and
brush right over by saying something like, “You know it’s alright to make mistakes. It's part of
being human. Take me for instance, I had sex a while back I realized it was wrong and made a
change. It’s okay to fail.” But deep inside I knew if I had said anything like that the 7 th Steppers
would catch it and nail me to the wall. Even though Officers weren’t suppose to be confronted in
a rap, I knew that what I did would make confronting me acceptable so I just have to keep
pushing it down and pretend that every thing was okay.
One day I was driving down a street in a downtown area. I saw Nolan. He was with a
couple of people that I didn’t recognize right away. As I got closer I saw a girl that I knew from
high school. I knew immediately that Nolan was hanging out with the wrong crowd. I tried to
find a place to park and catch up with him but wasn’t able to do so. Frustrated, I would have to
wait for the next 7 th Step rap.
I called Mrs. Wright and told he what I had witnessed. I didn’t want to jump to any
conclusions but I thought the girl he was with was someone I had gotten high with in school.
Mrs. Wright told me to do what I thought was right. “You’re in charge Don, you make the call.”
The following rap I called on Nolan. He stammered around and was really nonspecific in his
relating. Finally I stopped him and asked, “Who have you been hanging around with lately”
Nolan looked surprised. His faced turned red. He said that he re-established a friendship with
someone from high school. I then asked, “Who is she” Perplexed Nolan asked, “She” I shook
my head. Nolan said, “Just an old friend.” I asked, “Is she a druggie” “I don’t know.” Said
Nolan. I replied, “Well, Nolan if she is who I think she is she is a druggie. I got high with her in
school.” “Are you sure” Nolan asked hoping perhaps I may be wrong. At this point I was getting
agitated with this situation. I said, “Nolan I feel like I’m having to pull teeth with you to get you
to talk. Have you done something that perhaps you need to tell us” Nolan became calm, not
defensive, as I would’ve expected him to. He replied, “No, absolutely not. I know what you’re
thinking but that didn’t happen, we just hang out together.” I said, “Okay Nolan I believe you.
But I’ll tell you something; I’m concerned about you. Hanging out with known druggies is not a
very smart thing. I’m putting you on a 3 day behind group refresher. Nolan raised his hand and
asked, “What’s that” I explained, “For the next three nights you will be required to come into
the Night Rap and participate. I expect you to talk about what you’ve been going through with
the group. I will make sure that a Senior Staff member is aware that you are to be called on. Do
you understand” Nolan acknowledged.
Over the course of the next couple of weeks, Nolan failed to show up for Night Raps.
Each time in 7 th Step raps, I increased his refresher up to 21 days. Finally I had to place him on
a 7 th Step Suspension which meant that he was required to attend every 7 th Step rap until further
notice. I made the recommendation that he not be released after his 6 months was up and
remain suspended. I even got to the point that I requested he be placed on an In Group
Refresher. Eventually, Nolan was called into a Family Conference. I asked Mrs. Wright if I could
sit in on the Conference. Mrs. Wright told me that she didn’t think it was a good idea. I knew
Nolan in the past and knew the friends he was hanging out with. So, it was all too close for
comfort and thought it was be best to sit this one out.

The guilt that I had been feeling over June was slowly subsiding. At this point I decided
to sign up for Pre-Training so I could go on Staff. This time I was accepted into the class. P.T.
was a 46-hour course. It was difficult. We did a lot of rap therapy and scenarios. But it was fun
and educational too. I was able to use some of the material while doing raps and other
counseling in the 7 th Step Society. At one point we did a rap in front of the Group. Afterward we
were given constructive criticism, positive credit, and advise on how to keep the rap flowing. Mr.
Williamson was still a very intimidating person to me and made me sick to my stomach
sometimes. But I continued to work hard and did the best I could.
One day I got a call from Mr. Williamson. He told me that he was calling a Mandatory 7 th
Step Rap. He told me “You are personally responsible for contacting everyone over and under 6
months and letting them know that they must attend this rap, no exceptions.” I made the calls
and gave a list of responses to Mr. Williamson. It was set up several weeks in advance to give
everyone a chance to clear their schedules and make time to be there.
A few weeks later I was told to set up the Group Room for the rap. The regular group
was moved to the Carpet Room. 7 th Steppers that I hadn’t seen in a long while started showing
up. As the time for the rap grew closer I could feel the tension grow stronger. You could cut it
with a knife. I was standing behind the group when Mr. Williamson came up behind me and took
me outside the room. “I need you to keep the group busy for a while. Oh, by the way inform the
7 th Steppers that Randy, a person who had 7 th Stepped a year ago, is now in bad standing and
that no one is to associate with him. Understand” “Yes sir” I said. As I went back in to the
Group room, I tried to get myself ready. I had never made this kind of announcement before
and I was scared. I walked up to rap stools and sat down. I re-introduced myself for the benefit
of those who may have forgotten who I was. I made the announcement about Randy. At this
point Mr. Williamson emerged from the Staff office and made his way to the back of group. With
that I thanked everyone for showing up and introduced Mr. Williamson. He and I changed places
then I found a sear near the back of the group. I sat right behind Todd.
I don’t remember a lot about the rap but I do remember the one point Mr. Williamson
made was the fact that people in the 7 th Step Society were beginning to make poor life choices.
He was concerned for their futures and lives. He talked about how some people were hanging
out with people that were not in our best interest. Others were listening to music that wasn’t
good for us to listen to. Others were becoming “dry druggies” in the way they talked, dressed
and acted. At one point Mr. Williamson said something that I thought related to Todd and I
looked at him for a while hoping that he would think about what Mr. Williamson was talking
about. To my knowledge only a few people related and no one was confronted. For the most
part the rap went off without a hitch.
Afterwards, Todd followed me to my office and started confronting me. “Why the hell
were you staring at me so intently during that rap You got something on your mind” I
responded, “I have a few concerns about the way you’ve been acting lately. If it applies, apply
it, if it doesn’t don’t worry about it.” With that Todd left the office.
One day, I was thinking about what kind of rap I wanted to do. Then it hit me. “A Love
Rap.” I thought. You see way back in 1976 I went to a church retreat with a youth group. One
night we were in a room sitting in a circle. The lights were turned down low. We were told that
we were going to have a “Love Feast.” During the Love Feast one at a time someone would get
up, walk around behind the circle until they came to someone they loved. At that point the
person would talk to the rest of the people in the circle explaining why they loved them so much.
Some people would tell stories of special times in their lives, or any number of things. It took a
while for it to get rolling but once it did it became one of the most emotionally charged times of
my life. By the end of the first hour nearly every one was in tears. After about two hours it was
over. Everyone was emotionally drained but pumped up from the very real love that everyone
felt for each other. It brought good friends even closer; it brought others to an immense respect
and care for one another. I remember after this Love Feast was over a girl I didn’t even know
came up to me and told me she loved me. I was deeply touched that she went out of her way to
tell me. Over the next several months and years we became close friends.

I thought this would be an excellent rap to do for the 7 th Step Society. I wanted to make
this rap uniquely my own. I knew I would have to set the stage for this in order for it to be
effective. I went to the building about an hour early and set up the Carpet Room. I moved the
chairs closer to a wall so I could use a tape player for the opening part of the rap. Instead of
setting up my usual gold chair I sat in a padded chair like everyone else. Everyone took their
seats. I think people knew before it even started that this was going to be an unusual rap
because the lights were already out. I told them the story of the Love Feast and how I came up
with the idea of a Love Rap. I then asked everyone to close their eyes and told them to listen
carefully to the words of a song I was going to play for them. I played a song written and
performed by a popular Christian singer called “Friends.” I gave some more instruction and the
rap began. At first there was a misunderstanding. Multiple people started walking right over to
someone and talked as if in private. I quickly stopped the rap and explained how this was
supposed to go again. I observed this rap and didn’t talk to anyone. I just took it all in. As the
rap progressed the emotions started running high. By the end of the Rap there wasn’t a dry eye
in the house, including mine. The rap ran over the two-hour time frame but no one seemed to
mind. I could feel a sense of unity, closeness and love that hadn’t been there before. It was
quite a rap and I was glad it went so well.
When the rap was over Junior Staffer Olivia came up to me and thanked me for doing
the rap. She asked me if she could do this same rap in Group. I told her she could. I thought
perhaps it would help out the group as a whole. She agreed. She hugged me, thanked me
again and went to the Staff office.
I did this rap just one more time during my term. As soon as I started the music for
“Friends” people that were in the first Love Rap started crying. This time I did get involved with
the rap and really let my walls down. It was by far the best rap I had ever had the privilege of
leading.
My PT class was still going well and I was getting excited about the prospect of joining
the Staff. But I also knew I still had an obligation to finish out my term as Officer.
One day, Mrs. Wright called me at home and asked if I could come to the building and
meet with her. Within seconds all the guilt and fear about the June incident that I thought had
all but disappeared suddenly came back full force. I was terrified. I remember the drive to the
building setting myself up to be placed on a refresher or maybe even started over. I felt
nauseated as I pulled into the parking lot. My heart raced and I started feeling a little light
headed. I walked into the building and made my way to Mrs. Wright’s office. “Close the door
and have a seat Don.” Mrs. Wright said as I enter. I could feel my face turn red. She looked at
me and said, “You alright” “Yeah” I said as I took my seat. “I just don’t feel real well.” “That’s
too bad, I hope you feel better soon.” I nodded my head. “I’m going to need your help tonight
with a Family Conference.” I replied, “Okay, who is it with” “Todd and his family” She said. My
jaw hit the floor. “What’s going on with him” I inquired. “Well it has something to do with Todd
wanting to move into an old druggie friend’s house. His parents are concerned for his well being
and frankly, I am too.” I was sill in a state of shock. “Keith and I are best friends, he’s never
mentioned anything about moving, let alone moving in with an old druggie friend.” Mrs. Wright
wasn’t surprised by my response and said, “Well, of course he’s not going to tell mention it to
you. You’re an Officer. He knows what you can do with something like that. Are you really that
surprised” As I thought about it I felt a little embarrassed. “No 7 th Stepper would tell an Officer
about something like that.” As those words echoed in my head I thought about my own
predicament. “Would Mrs. Wright really be surprised if I never mentioned the sexual incident to
her”

That night Mr. Stafford, Mrs. Wright, myself, Todd and his family all met in the Directors
office. Todd’s mom brought up the initial concern. Todd became very defensive and angry that
there was even a conference over this matter. Todd at one point looked over at me as if he were
upset and a little embarrassed that I was there to witness this. I felt bad about it too, but I knew
I had a job to do. Todd’s reasons for moving out were to become more independent. He would
also be living closer to where he worked. The only concern that I voiced was that he would be
living with someone that I knew he had gotten high with in his past. Todd said that he was okay
with that and he was strong enough to deal with it. The meeting didn’t last too long. Todd was
placed on a 7 day behind group refresher and then report to Mr. Stafford afterward. Todd
agreed.
Shortly after this conference I learned that former Junior Staffer, Jeff had re-7 th Stepped
from the St. Petersburg program. One thing that bothered me was the fact that neither the 7th
Step Society nor I had ever learned that Jeff had relapsed and was sent for a start over program.
When I asked Mrs. Wright about this, she explained that because he was on Staff, these kinds of
things aren’t discussed freely among the 7 th Step Society. They believed that if someone were to
find out that a Staff member messed up, it could very well jeopardize the commitment a 7 th
Stepper has to remaining straight. “If he can’t stay straight and he’s a Staff member, how can I
possibly stay sober” I thought the whole idea of treating Junior and Senior Staff differently
from other 7 th Steppers was stupid. To me I viewed Staff members as nothing more that 7 th
Steppers with a title.
When I saw Jeff for the first time, he was beaming with joy. I hadn’t seen him look as
good even when he was on Staff. He and I hugged and I told him that I was glad to see him
and that I missed him. He started attending 7 th Step Raps regularly.
In the mean time my term as Officer was coming to an end. Elections were held and this
time after running three times, Kevin finally got voted in as the new 7 th Step Officer. But within
an hour of the announcement Mr. Williamson, obviously upset, pulled me into his office. He
explained to me that there was a new set of guidelines to follow when electing new Officers.
Kevin would have to step down and reapply for election. Kevin was upset when I told him but he
tried to take it in stride.
I submitted my resume for Staff and was anxiously waiting to see if I would be selected.
Not everyone that applied for a Staff position got one. It’s a fact that one person who later
became a Senior Staff member had been rejected three times prior to becoming a Staff Trainee.
After the following 7 th Step Rap, Dean approached me in the middle of the Carpet Room
and said, “I hear you’ve submitted you resume to be on Staff.” I shook my head and
acknowledged. Then Dean said, “I don’t think it would be a very good idea for you to be on
Staff.” I was a little surprised to hear him be so bold. I sad, “Well Dean I have been leading 7 th
Step Raps not for nearly 6 months and I think I’ve done a good job leading in that aspect. I
think I’ll do okay on Staff too. Why don’t you think it’s a good idea” Dean said, “It’s just not a
good idea.” With that Dean left the room. I was a little worried about how he might treat me if I
do get on Staff. But if he couldn’t come up with a better excuse then I wasn’t going to waste my
time on the matter. I even thought of saying something to Mrs. Wright but later decided not to.
For just a brief moment I thought of pulling my resume, but I resisted the idea and that if it’s
meant to be, then it’ll happen.
The next 7 th Step rap a lot of people were surprised to see me back. I explained that
Kevin had to step down and run again because of the changes Executive Staff had implemented
for Officer elections. I asked for a list of people that wanted to be considered for Officer. After
the rap, which was led by Kevin, I met with Mr.Willamson.

There were a few names on the list. Mr. Williamson immediately told me to take Kevin
off that list. “I don’t even want him on the ballot.” He also told me that he didn’t want Jeff
running. I objected. I told Mr. Williamson that I thought Jeff would make an excellent Officer.
After all, he knows what it’s like to relapse. His experience could keep a lot of people from
making the same mistake. After some more discussion Mr. Williamson asked me, “Don, would
you consider taking on another 6 months as the President I could just appoint you to another
term.” “I’m sorry Mr. Williamson” I said, “I just can’t see myself doing this for another six
months. Besides I’ve already submitted my resume to go on Staff and I really want to pursue a
career here.” Mr. Williamson was obviously disappointed but understanding at the same time.
Then he said, “That’s fine, but you will need to spend an additional two weeks in office training
the new Officer. You will need to tell Kevin he’s off the ballot and if he has any questions he can
come see me personally.” I nodded, stood up shook his hand and left his office.
Telling Kevin he couldn’t even run for Officer was difficult. But it had to be done.
Ironically it was done at a 7 th Step party at Jeff’s house. Kevin was clearly upset. With tears
welling up in his eyes he told me he’d be calling Mr. Williamson the next day. I told him that
would be fine but I really doubted it would do any good.
The following 7 th Step Rap the elections were held. I left the room with the ballots in
hand and went to my office. The door was closed and locked as the votes were tallied. Jeff had
won by a landslide. As I looked at the results I thought to myself, “What if Mr. Williamson is
right Is Jeff really ready to take on this kind of responsibility so soon after getting back out of
the program” I said a little prayer. The ballots were destroyed and thrown away in Mrs.
Wright’s office. I returned to the Carpet Room and announced Jeff the new 7 th Step Officer.
Over the course of the next two weeks I worked extensively with Jeff and taught him as
much as I could about being an Officer. With the experience he had as a Junior Staff member I
thought he would do really well.
Shortly thereafter Mr. Williamson called me at home and told me to be at the next Friday
night Open Meeting. If I were going to be promoted to Staff Trainee that would be the night it
would happen.
Overall I was pleased with my time in the 7 th Step Society. I count it a real honor to be
able to serve as a Counselor. I was able to help a lot of people out and helped them adjust to
being out of the program and to become more self-reliant. But the guilt over having had a sexual
incident with June was still looming not too far from my conscience.

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab.
On Staff- Six Kinds Of Hell
It needs to be stated here just how important this chapter is. As a Client in the program,
and even for several months after I 7 th Stepped, it was a common misconception of exactly what
a Staff Member was like. As a Client I was mislead into thinking that Staff Members were
exceptional people, nearly god-like. It was also perceived that they could do no wrong. A Client
never hears when a Staff Member relapses, because it was believed that it would negatively
affect the Group and discourages them from staying straight. After all, if a Staff Member goes
back to drugs, how am I expected to maintain sobriety in my own life Staff Members at Straight,
Inc. could expect and in fact, commanded total respect from everyone in the Group, whether it
was deserved or not. It was common to have an irrational fear of Staff. It could be terrifying.
Even while befriending a Staff Members, little, if anything was ever said about what happened
behind the doors involving the Staff Members, and the Operations at Straight, Inc. I was about
to undertake one of the most revealing and emotionally disturbing adventures of my life. I would
even go so far as to say that I would much rather go through the entire 73 days I spent on 1 st
Phase again, before working a single shift as a Staff Member in Cincinnati’s Straight, Inc.
Although there were times I felt pride, satisfaction, joy and happiness during my time on Staff I
would have to say that for the majority of my time on Staff I experienced more hurt, pain, anger,
depression, loneliness, abandonment, and suicidal idealizations. I went on Staff to make a
difference in the lives of the Clients there. It wasn’t for the money; God knows they don’t make
that much. I didn’t do it for the power. I had no power. I did it for the love of the Group and the
desire to help people get straight. But I would later learn good intentions only go so far and can
in fact become deadly.
“Have a seat.” Ted and myself used that phrase often. It was heard by Staff Members
throughout my time in Straight, Inc. after any kind of confrontation. However, when Ted and I
used it around each other, it also meant “You’re FOS” or “I don’t want to hear it.” Similar to what
“talk to the hand” means today. We used this phrase while he and I were waiting to see if our
resume’ for Staff Trainee were going to be approved.
I really thought Staff was going to be a fairly easy job to do. After all, I had just finished
a record term as the President and After-Care Counselor of the 7 th Step Society. I led some
pretty powerful raps that made people think, I exercised good judgment when it came to
disciplining the 7 th Steppers, and I worked well with the Program Coordinator, Betty Wright. I had
a great relationship with the 7 th Steppers and their parents. I even did the first “Love Rap” that
made such an impression with Olivia, a Junior Staff member she asked if she could do the rap for
the Group. Mr. Williamson, Assistant Director offered me a 6-month extension on my term, which
I declined in order to go on Staff. I thought Staff was going to be a cakewalk. Was I ever wrong.

In October 1983 Ted and I were promoted to Staff Trainee during a Friday night Open
Meeting. I was elated. After Ted and I spoke our piece about how we were looking forward to
working with the Group, Mr. Stafford dismissed us from the Open Meeting to do the one task that
all new Staff Trainees performed…Clothes Search. Ted and I approached the door and the
Oldcomer swung the door open for us, Ted and I left the Group Room for the first time without
Staff approval. I had never been selected to conduct clothes search while I was a Client in the
program, but I had an idea of what I could expect. I was overwhelmed, however, when I got
the room that was used to conduct these searches. Bags upon bags of clothes were stacked on
a number of shelves. Two Oldcomer’s were busy searching everything in the bags. The seams
of pants, shirts, all pockets, shoes, socks, underwear, bra’s, deodorant, and other personal
belongings were searched for drugs, weapons, and other “Druggie Ties”. Items containing SD
Alcohol or any type of alcohol were strictly prohibited. Aerosols of any kind were also prohibited.
Shirts with pictures, or writing were also packed away and sent back to the parents as “no-no’s.”
Belts were not allowed. When an Oldcomer came across an item they had a question about,
they raised their hand to us and we made a decision for them. Ted and I got a kick out of the
Phaser’s raising their hands to us and we spent the next couple of hours taking turns answering
their questions. At one point a Junior Staff Member called Ted away from the clothes room and
left me to finish it alone.
The rest of the evening was uneventful. Ted and I drove to his house where I would
spend the night. We had a mandatory Staff Trainee meeting tomorrow morning at 8:00AM. We
got to bed very late that night.
I awoke at 7:15AM. Shear fear and terror overwhelmed me. My heart raced. I woke
Ted up who, when he realized what time it was, became just as panic-stricken as I. "Great,” I
thought, “Just what we need. If we’re late for this meeting, we’re finished.” Ted and I got
dressed and out the door in record time. Once we hit the highway, Ted drove at least 80 mph
until we got to the exit. The whole time Ted and I tried to reassure each other that everything
was going to be okay. We pulled into the parking lot with just 7 minutes to spare. We breathed
a heavy sigh of relief.
The meeting was held in the office of the Group Staff Supervisor, Julie. In attendance
were Amy, Marti, Eddie, Bry, Ted, and myself. We chatted amongst ourselves when the topic
turned sexual. I felt uncomfortable and didn’t want to talk about anything relating to sex. I still
hadn’t told anyone about my encounter with June. I was scared and thought for sure that
everyone in that room knew I was holding something back. Julie came into the room and sat
down. She congratulated Ted and I on becoming the newest Staff Trainees. She then asked
everyone in the room to tell them what we wanted to accomplish on Staff. When it came my
turn, I said that I though it was important to be there for the Group. I wanted to help them, and
encourage them to get straight. I also thought I would be able to learn from them as well. Then
I said, “I also want to be the first person to go beyond Group Staff Supervisor. I want to be an
Executive Staff Member.” The room fell silent. Julie looked a little bothered by that last
comment. But I didn’t care.
The next topic to discuss was Staff Trainee Expectations. We were given a sheet of
paper that had listed the 6 Levels of Staff Trainee. Each Level had a list of tasks that we were
required to accomplish. I thought this would be fairly easy to do. All Staff Trainees were required
to carry a clip-board along with a pad of legal paper with us at all times, while on-duty except
when we were leading a Rap. After that we were assigned our Junior’s. Junior Staff Members
were responsible for helping the Trainees throughout the levels and prepare them for becoming
Junior Staff Members themselves. As Julie told each Trainee who their Junior was, I prayed that
I wouldn’t get Dean. Julie looked at me and said; “Don Smith, your Junior is…Dean” My heart
sank. Of all the Junior Staff Members, I had to get stuck with the one Junior that didn’t even
want me on Staff to begin with. This wasn’t going to work. I just knew it.

We were taken to the Group Room and shown to the Staff Trainee Desk. We were
responsible for keeping the desk and area clean. We were also responsible for keeping a Daily
OB’s (short for Observations) book. Anytime some thing happened in Group the Staff Trainees
wrote it in the book for other Staff Trainees to read later in the week. 5 th Phaser’s are the only
persons allowed to approach the desk and only after proper authorization by a Staff Trainee. It
was understood that when any one is walking near the desk, he/she keeps a minimum of 5 feet
from the desk at all times.
One other thing I learned was how the pay scale was set up for Staff Trainees. 7 th Step
Trainee’s were considered to be working on our Staff Trainee Internship. Our pay was not
hourly, and was not salaried. Straight, Inc. paid 7 th Step Staff Trainees just enough money for
gas to and from the building and supplies that we were required to have. Legal pads, clipboards,
pens, etc. My check was a little more that $35.00 bi-weekly. 5 th Phase Staff Trainees were not
paid because they were still on an active phase of the program.
On my first scheduled day, I began to learn how things really worked at Straight, Inc. It
would take patience and a cool head to accomplish even the simplest of tasks. The first thing
early in the morning I was told to get some Oldcomer’s to stand at a door. Easy, I thought. I
pick them, and they go, right Wrong. I would have to look into each of the Intake Rooms and
mentally pick out 4 people. I then had to go to the Junior Staff Office and get those people
cleared. In order to gain entrance into the Junior Staff Office, I was required to knock first. I
knocked on the Staff door and waited for a response. “Who is it” a voice came from behind the
door. “It’s Don.” I replied. “Wait a minute”. After about 30 seconds or so, I knocked on the
door again. “Who is it” “Its Don.” “What do you want” “I need to get something approved
please.” “Come in.” I opened the door and stepped just inside the office and let the door close
behind me. I had to maintain a distance of at least 5 feet from a Junior or Senior Staff Member I
couldn’t just walk up to them. I had to speak to the first Junior or Senior Staff Member I saw.
“May I get these people approved to stand at a door” “Come forward” replied the Staff
Member. I walked up to him and asked if I could have Tom, John, Mike, and Karen stand at a
door. “Tom and Mike are okay, but not John and Karen.” I left the office to get two more
people. When I returned, after several minutes of trying to get the Staff to let me back into the
office, I learned just how nit picky these people really are. “May I have Linda and Robert stand
at a door please” I asked. “What You only have two people You need to have four to cover
all the doors in the Group room.” replied the Junior. “Sir,” I explained, You already approved Tom
and Mike the last time I was here.” They said, “You didn’t ask if they were okay just now.” “I’m
sorry”, I said, “May Tom and Mike also stand at a door this morning” “NO,” replied the Junior, “
go back and get four new people, the four you just tried to approve, are now denied.” I rolled
my eyes, thinking this is the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard of. I was strongly confronted
by the Staff Member for showing disrespect to them when I rolled my eyes. I learned that the
best way to get this task done was to write out a list of all the Oldcomer’s and go over them all
with the Staff until four people were selected. After that, I would go out to the Intake Rooms
and ask, “Who has responsibilities” I would then call out the names of people that the Junior
Staff Member approved, except to the Group in the Intake room, it would look like I was picking
them out myself. The Oldcomer’s selected would leave the Intake room and take their positions
in the Group Room. “The rest of you Oldcomer’s, grab two Newcomer’s and line up.” It was my
responsibility to ensure that there was at least one if not two Staff Members in front of the Group
and all doors were covered by an Oldcomer before leading the Group out to the Group Room. 5 th
Phaser’s assigned all seating.

On the following Tuesday after making Staff Trainee, I was faced with a dilemma I
wasn’t sure how to handle, but knew I needed to deal with it and soon. Bry had been promoted
to Junior Staff. I told myself that I couldn’t possibly raise my hand to him. No way. So, after I
got off work I went up to Bry and asked to speak to him. “Bry,” I said. “First of all I am happy
and proud of you for making Junior Staff.” “Thanks,” Bry replied. “But” I continued, “I cannot in
good conscience ever raise my hand to you. You were my Newcomer for crying out loud.” Bry
said he understood and we came up with an agreement. If I needed something done, I am to go
to a different Junior Staff Member. That seemed fair. It worked out well.
My first week was uneventful really. After all Dean wouldn’t let me do much of anything.
I had requested to be put on the rap schedule and wasn’t. I asked if I could conduct a One-on-
One. It was denied. So, I put in through the Chain of Command for a new Junior. By the end of
the day I was told that Dennis would be my Junior. I was elated. He and I were already close
friends and now we were going to be working more closely than before.
Once Dennis was assigned to me, I did a lot of raps. I loved being in front of the Group.
I was responsible for knowing the Rap Schedule. I had to know what rap I was to do, and with
whom I was doing it. I had to come up with the rap idea myself and talk it over with the other
Staff Member. But before it could be done, it had to be approved by a Senior Staff Member. ALL
raps had to be approved by Senior Staff. I had to explain what the rap was about, how it was
going to be done, the points in each phase that were to be made and what lesson(s) the Group
would get out of the rap.
One of the things a new Staff Member learns is the motivating game. I could literally sit
on the rap stool and just sit there. Soon, the Group would start motivating. I continue to sit
there with no response or emotion. After a few minutes, the Group would be motivating so hard;
you could hear the arms flapping and chairs bouncing against the hard tile floor. At some point
all I had to do, was shake my head “no” and the motivating would cease, instantaneously. I
could continue to sit, and soon, a little slower this time, the motivating would start again. I don’t
know of a single Staff Member that didn’t do this from time to time. It’s really nothing more than
a game played by Staff.
But as I was doing the raps, something was happening to me. I started feeling
extremely guilty. Here I was, insisting that the Clients in the Group be completely and openly
honest with themselves and the Group. But I wasn’t following the Honesty rule myself. I
cleverly tried to talk around my feelings, knowing that I had done something that Straight
disapproved of. The fact that I failed to report it and hide it only made matters worse. It
increasingly became harder and harder for me to do the tough raps that demanded intimate
honesty. There were times that the guilt was so strong, I felt faint. I tried to convince myself
that I could beat this and continue to do a good job, but the pressure built more each day.
I remember one day asking Dennis if I could have a 4 th Phaser called in on his day off. I
didn’t think this person was doing well and thought it would be good for him to stay in Group
today. Dennis explained that only a Junior Staff Member, with the approval of a Senior Staff
Member, could do such a thing. I was instantly peeved. I thought back to the day that Dean
called me in on my day off when he was only a Trainee. He didn’t have the authority to do that.
I immediately set out to talk to him about it. When I did, he laughed and thought it was funny.
I didn’t see the humor in it. Using one’s authority as an intimidating tool wasn’t right. For him to
do this to me when he didn’t even have the authority made it even worse. He never did apologize
for his actions.

Dennis and I worked hard together and I had made 2 nd level Trainee when all hell broke
loose. Dean and I were in a room alone. Dean was confronting me, although I don’t recall
exactly what he was saying to me. I could feel the guilt building about having had sex on my 6
month 7 th Step Anniversary. I was scared. Finally, Dean said, “I know there’s something going on
with you. You need to tell me what’s going on and tell me now.” I couldn’t take it anymore. My
eyes filled with tears, my face turned blood red. I could almost feel my tears start to boil on my
face. I felt hot and lightheaded. “I had sex with a girl I went to high school with on my 6 month
7 th Step Anniversary.” There, I said it! I began to bawl. I couldn’t even look at Dean. I couldn’t
speak. Over the next several minutes the room began to fill to near capacity as other Juniors
and Seniors came into the room. In no time, every Staff Member there that day knew what I
had done. I felt an immense shame. I was terrified. Was I going to be terminated Would I be
transferred to another Program Would I be started over I didn’t know what to expect. I
gazed over at Olivia she looked at me as though she we scared of me. She asked, “Why are you
looking at me like that” I replied, “Do you want me to be honest or lie to you” “Tell me the
truth”, She said. I took a breath and said, “I wished it were you I had sex with instead of June.”
Olivia’s face turned pale. I could tell she wasn’t expecting that. She got up without saying a
word and left the room. Needless to say, that was out of line and I was sorry I even thought it,
let alone say it out loud.
I was eventually led to Mr. Williamson’s office. “This is it,” I thought. “The moment of
truth.” I began to feel dizzy and numb. I sat down. Anthony looked at me and said, “So, what
do you have to say about this” I replied, “I don’t want to leave Staff.” “I don’t want you to
leave Staff either.” Anthony said. I was both shocked and relieved. At least I wasn’t going
anywhere. After a while my Mother, who by now was the Executive Secretary to Director Mr.
Stafford, was brought to Anthony’s office. I confessed everything to her at that moment. I
apologized for not being open about the incident. My mom cried and was very disappointed in
me, but I think she was relieved that I hadn’t relapsed. Moments later, my mom returned to her
office. I sat back down. I said, “I need to talk to the Group about this.” “Well, let’s hold off on
that for right now Don.” Mr. Williamson said, “ I’ll need to look into this to determine if this is
something that the Group needs to know about. I’ll let you know tomorrow if you can or not. In
the mean time let me tell you what’s going to happen.” He continued “Right now, you have no
responsibilities in Group. You will be here every scheduled day standing behind the Group. You
can only leave the Group room with Staff permission to go to the bathroom and to eat. You are
required to attend 7 th Step Raps. You will be going home with your Junior. You will be required
to write MI’s again as well, Ben and Dennis will go over them with you.” I asked Mr. Stafford,
“Am I on Newcomer Status” “Absolutely not, he said, you have responsibility for yourself.”
“Okay” I said. I left the office and went straight to the Group. I stayed there for the rest of my
shift. I remember the other Staff Members staring at me the rest of the day. I was very
uncomfortable and felt a great deal of embarrassment over the situation. No one and I mean no
one came up and gave any words of support or comfort. In fact, I got the feeling that some
Staff Members were angry with me over the situation. Before the days end, I approached Olivia
and apologized to her for my comment I had made. Although I could tell she was still upset
about it, she accepted my amends.
After the group was dismissed Ben came up behind me and said, “Let’s go.” I could feel
his hand attempting to grab me by my belt loop. I swung around and told him, “Don’t you even
think about grabbing me. I am not a Newcomer.” Ben backed off.

I followed Ben and Dennis home. I went straight to work writing my MI. I have to say it
was one of my best MI’s I had written in a long while. I had written it about making changes
immediately; not putting it off, not dwelling on the past and making myself feel bad. Why feel
like crap when you can simply make the change needed to move on But when Ben and Dennis
read over it, they had a difference of opinion. They didn’t agree with my MI. I think this was a
problem not only for Ben and Dennis, but also for a lot of Staff Members. They believed that if
you don’t feel bad for a while over a situation, you couldn’t possibly change it right away. They
couldn’t understand how I could experience what I went through today, and yet take on a
positive attitude and make the necessary changes. Dennis wanted me to rewrite my MI but I
refused. “There is nothing wrong with this MI. If you like you can have Mr. Williamson go over
it.” I went to bed, and for the first time in a long time, slept like a baby.
I awoke the next morning full of life and ready to go. I stood behind the Group and just
got involved in the Basics Rap. Just before the Morning Rap started, Senior Staff Member
Leonard came up and pulled me to the side. He explained to me “You can talk to the Group
about what happened. Since the incident occurred prior to you coming on Staff, we think it’s
important for the Group to hear about it.” Now I was nervous. I wondered how the Group was
going to respond. Would they loose respect for me Would they know they could still trust me
Morning Rap started. Finally, during the present part of the rap, I was called on. I
started talking and confessed to what I had done. I felt my face turn red. I was scared and
embarrassed. I tried to look at facial expressions on different people in the Group but couldn’t
really get a feel for how they felt. As I continued I waited for hands to go up to confront me. All
hands stayed down. After about five minutes, I was finished. Staff Members Leonard and
Carolyn smiled. It was done. Relief over came me. Some of the Clients turned around and
smiled at me. I felt even better. Although I knew the Group now supported me, no Staff
members talked to me the entire time. During lunch and other breaks when I tried to talk to a
Junior, they turned me away saying they were too busy.
I remained involved in all the raps the entire day. At the end of the day I talked to
Dennis and told him that I really didn’t think I should go home with him tonight. I really needed
to spend time with my own family. Dennis put it through the Chain of Command and I was
allowed to go home that night.
My family was happy to see me. We talked for a long time about what had happened.
My parents believed that part of the responsibility for what happened belonged to them. After
all, they kept me up to date with what June was doing and how she was looking forward to
seeing me after I got out of the Program. They regret even telling me about her. I told them
that I had to take full responsibility for the incident. I made a poor choice by having sex with her
in the first place, and then made another bad choice when I chose to hide the fact.
Attending 7 th Step raps was something that I wasn’t really looking forward to.
Considering I had a lot of influence on the 7 th Steppers that were still in After-Care Treatment.
For the most part the Society received me pretty well, and was very understanding and forgiving.
But not everyone felt the same way. I will never forget telling my best friend Todd about my
situation. Todd was not only angry and hurt because I wasn’t honest with him, but he told me
that he didn’t think he would ever be able to trust me again. “I don’t know that we can still be
friends anymore Don, how can I trust you” Those words cut like a knife. I wanted to be angry
with him over it, but knew that I couldn’t. How could I justify my anger He was right. It took
several months for the friendship to heal. It was never the same. I nearly lost my very best friend
over this situation.

I don’t recall how long I lost my responsibilities, but I eventually got them back again
and tried to move on. Emphasis on the word tried. I worked hard. I stayed open. But I knew
that a lot of Staff Members were reluctant to trust me. I even thought that some of the Staff
Members were angry because I was allowed to remain on Staff. I’m sure some of them believed
I should’ve been terminated. Most of the female Staff Members supported me and encouraged
me as much as they could. The male Staff Members, on the other hand, were short with me.
They spoke to me only as needed and didn’t engage in a lot of small talk. But I made the most of
it. Over time, my respect for them began to deteriorate.
One of the most difficult things I had to learn to deal with Staff wise was writing Incident
Reports. I would’ve been a Third Level Staff Trainee at this point. If a Client was going to be
started over I was told that I should be in the back of the Group and watch. The Client to be
started over would eventually be called on, and the confrontation would begin. These
confrontations could last anywhere from 15 minutes to several hours, depending on the
cooperation of the Client. At some point the Senior Staff Member would say, “You’re started
over, day ONE, you can start relating immediately. Have a seat!” When the Incident was over, I
was told to write a complete narrative about what happened. These were to be hand written and
accuracy was very important. The paper used to write the Incident Report was plan white paper,
no lines or anything. My handwriting was never very good to begin with so I really had to take
my time and make sure it could be read by anyone. Within the IR I had to include the Clients
name, what time the Confrontation was started, what Phase they were on, the exact nature of
the offense, when that offense took place, what was said to the Client by other Clients during the
Confrontation, what the Client said in his defense, if anything, what time they were Started Over,
name of the Staff Member who started them over, and the response by the Client after the Start
Over. I sat down at the Staff Trainee Desk and began to meticulously write what I had just
observed. These Reports could take as long as 30-45 minutes for me to write. When I was
finished, I was responsible for taking it to a Junior Staff Member. Within 5 minutes, it would get
kicked back with red circles and comments that indicated errors on the report and how to fix
them. I would have to write the entire report all over again. Upon handing it back with all the
corrections, it would get kicked back again. This time, other parts of the IR were required to be
fixed that had previously been okay the first time around. Again, I had to write the entire Report
over. It wasn’t unusual to write an IR for the same thing 4 or 5 times before it finally reached the
Clients file.
Staff Trainee’s followed their Juniors closely. Even to the point of watching out for the
Clients that the Junior Staff Member is responsible for keeping track of. They were called
“Targets”. These are Clients that get called on in every single rap that the Junior does. I too,
had to call on them, without fail. Not only that, I had to inform my Junior about what his Target
talked about in rap, and how I thought he was doing. In addition, I was assigned my own
Targets. So in reality, I had two people I kept track of every time I did a Rap. I had what I call
my own personal Targets, a male and female. Shawn, a fairly new Newcomer was my guy
Target; Lynn was my girl Target. I called on them every chance I got.

Leading the Homes Rap was one of the most challenging raps to do. It required me to
be more aware of what a Client was saying than at any other time. The Rap was set up
differently. Instead of the two rap stools, there was a single long table that sat between the
guys and girls side of the Group. One Guy Staff Member and one Girl Staff Member usually led
this rap. Each of us had books with all the paperwork one would need during this rap. All Clients
who have been in the program 14 days or more were given an opportunity to ask for something.
Newcomers could as for Nothing, Talk, Talk and Responsibilities, or Home. The Rap always
started with the newest Newcomer and ended up with a Phaser putting in for 5 th Phase. As a
Newcomer stood up, we wrote their name on the top of a page set up especially for them. They
were asked how many days they have been in the Program. That number was placed on that
sheet. After that, they were asked what they were asking for. That was placed on another line
on the form. Then they were told to address the Group and explain why they think they deserved
what they were asking for. From there both Staff Members took detailed notes that highlighted
why they think they deserve what they were asking for. There was also a place that Staff could
use to give their personal opinion about how the Newcomer appeared, how well he conveyed his
opinions, and other general observations of the Client. When the Newcomer was finished,
he/she remained standing and the floor was opened to the Group to respond to the Newcomer’s
request. Sometimes a Newcomer was met with an out and out confrontation, because they
weren’t being honest. They could also be met with strong constructive criticism, or positive
credit. After the feedback was finished, a general vote was taken and those votes were entered
into the books. This gave the other Staff Members, who weren’t present for the rap, an idea of
what the Group thought and help the Staff Member make a decision. Don’t misunderstand, the
Group vote is in no way a guarantee that a person will be granted or denied their request. It is
merely a gauge and its accuracy is not always right on. If the Staff Member wishes, he/she may
give feedback to the Client as well. After all Newcomer requests are completed, a 3 rd Phase book
is pulled. Staff will ask if there is anyone that wishes to put in for 3 rd Phase. If so, that is written
into the book. The only information taken is the Clients name, number of days on 1 st Phase and
number of days on 2 nd Phase. When 3 rd Phase requests are completed, a 4 th Phase Book is
pulled. The Name of Client, number of days on 1 st , 2 nd and 3 rd Phase is entered if someone puts
in for 4 th Phase. When the 4 th Phase requests are completed, a 5 th Phase Book is pulled. The
Name of Client, number of days on 1 st , 2 nd , 3 rd , and 4 th Phase are entered if someone puts in for
5 th Phase. Persons putting in for 4 th or 5 th Phase may have someone else put in the request for
him or her if they are not able to be in the Homes Rap at the time.(Due to being in school or at
work) No Group vote is taken for requests for 3 rd , 4 th , or 5 th Phase. The books are closed and the
rap is ended. The books are taken into the Junior Staff Office. All Staff Members, including Staff
Trainees are required to submit their vote in all books at some point during the day. I don’t
know who made the final decision as to the out come of any requests submitted in the Homes
Rap.
Staff Trainees had another job that wasn’t very popular. We were required to take
pretty detailed notes on every single Newcomer and Oldcomer Introduction during Open
Meetings. We sat on the side of group right between the Group side and Parent side of the large
Group Room. In fact, I believe that we were the only Staff Members who took notes. Writing,
cameras and tape recorders were not allowed during an Open Meeting. Other Staff Members sat
in the very back of the room and sat on what ever was available, including the Staff Trainee
Desk. I don’t know if they realized it or not, but their chitchat could be heard all the way up
front. I am sure it was a distraction to parents and visitors in the Open Meeting.
One day I brought up a topic I wanted to do a rap on called “Gung-Hoitivness.” Basically
it is about how we weren’t very Gung-Ho to do things in our past because of drugs, but now how
we have the energy and desire to get a lot of things accomplished in our lives. I had led a
similar Rap while I was leading raps in the 7 th Step Society. Dennis loved the rap idea. He
wanted to do the rap with me for a Guys Rap. We tried to set it up several times but couldn’t get
our schedules worked out right. We would have to wait for a while.

Over the course of the next few months I made it up to 6th Level Trainee and was
named Senior Staff Trainee. I was very proud. But things weren’t getting much better. Ted and
I remained close friends; he gave me a lot of pointers. He and I would do the Tuesday
Afternoon Raps together between 3:00 and 5:00 during the Staff Meeting. We had a blast. It
was just Ted and I. We pretty much ran the place. Ted eventually made 6 th Level Staff as well.
One day, tragedy hit. Todd and I were driving up to his house in Oakwoods, Ohio north
of Anderson Heights. Todd then told me that former Senior Staff Member Scott had relapsed and
started drinking again. I was absolutely floored. I had heard of other Staff Members screwing
up, but never in a million years did I ever think Scott would be one of them. I was on an
emotional roller coaster for hours. I began to doubt in my own ability to maintain my sobriety. I
cried, I questioned why. I couldn’t come up with any answers. Finally a breakthrough occurred. I
determined that each of us has a decision to make. I cannot allow myself to let someone else’s
decision to do drugs affect me in a negative way. I must continue to work on my own program.
I must stay true to my own commitment. The one I made way back on 4 th Phase. I then turned
my emotions to a more positive direction. I sat down and wrote Roger (Todd’s older brother who
was on 5 th Phase) a letter of encouragement. Early the next morning after the letter was
completed; I made a promise to myself. I would never again allow myself to get frustrated, hurt,
or discouraged when someone else makes the decision to go back to drugs.
One day, just after I finished a rap Dennis walked in the Group Room. In his arms he
held what seemed like a mountain of office supplies. Pens, legal pads, and a variety of other
supplies. Leonard, Senior Staff, asked Dennis, “What are you doing with all that stuff” Dennis’s
replied brought tears of rage anger and hurt. “This stuff is for Ted, I am going to bust my ass
and make him the next Junior Staff Member.” The thing that really got to me about that was the
fact that Dean was Ted’s Junior, not Dennis. So Ted had two Junior’s working with him and
Dennis pretty much left me to my own devices. I felt extreme anger and loneliness.
It was at this point that I started feeling really discouraged. I would begin dreading the
days that I had to work. I began to hate it. I began feeling depressed and suicidal. I often found
myself becoming so over whelmed with depression and loneliness that I would duck inside an
Intake Room or a restroom, which ever was closer and break down and cry. Sometimes I would
be in there for a few minutes or as long as a half hour. I couldn’t control when the emotions
would hit, I prayed it never happened in front of the Group or in the Staff Office. I had tried to
get along with everyone, but I knew that I wasn’t showing much respect for the Staff Members
after a while. But they weren’t treating me right either. I was angry and I wasn’t afraid to
express it. If I didn’ t think I should have to do something I was told to do, I copped an
attitude…really bad. I can’t tell you how many times I was confronted in the Junior Staff Office. I
was treated differently from other Staff Members. The days of getting together outside the
building became non- existent. I was never more hurt by my “friends” on Staff then on one
particular day.

It was a Sunday afternoon. I got together with Bry and his Foster Brother Lonnie. While I
was at their house, we came up with the idea of going to a nearby park and hanging out there.
This was going to be fun. Because I was still wearing my Sunday clothes I told Bry and Lonnie
that I needed to go home real quick and change. Then I would meet them back here at his
house. Bry said that would be fine. I got in my car and as I pulled out of the driveway, I
thought, “They’re going to leave as soon as I get out of sight of the house.” I tried to push the
thought out of my head, thinking I was doing nothing more than playing head games. But the
thought lingered all the way home. About fifteen minutes later, I got home and changed clothes.
I was ready to leave in less than 10 minutes. Just as I was leaving the house, I thought, “I
should call and let them know I am on my way.” I picked up the phone and called. Lonnie’s
Mother answered the phone. I said, “Hey Mom, is Bry or Lonnie there” Mom answered, “No,
I’m sorry Don, they left a while ago.” “How long ago” I asked. “Oh, they left right after you
did. Do you want to leave a message” I was pissed and held back from responding and said,
“No thanks, I’ll see Bry tomorrow. Bye”. As I hung up the phone, I felt the anger and hurt. I
felt abandoned, like an old druggie friend who wants nothing to do with you when you have no
more drugs to use. I became more depressed.
The next day I went to work. It wasn’t long before I caught sight of Bry. He was in the
hallway next to the Intake Rooms and the Junior Staff Office. I approached him. I acted just
like he was a 7 th Stepper and not a Junior on-duty. “I don’t care, write me up.” I thought. I
said, “Bry, we need to talk. Can we go into an Intake Room” Bry replied, “No, that’s okay. We
can talk right here.” I said, “No Bry I think we need to take this in private. I wouldn’t want to
embarrass you by having a Phaser see you out here being confronted by a Staff Trainee.” Bry
insisted that we stay in the hallway. I started, “What the fuck happened yesterday I went
home to change clothes and when I called just before leaving the house your Foster Mom tells
me you guys left right after I did.” Bry looked a little stunned; perhaps he was reconsidering the
idea of going into an Intake Room. But it was too late now. Bry stammered, “I’m sorry Don, we
were in a hurry.” I snapped back, “Bullshit! You knew damn well what we were suppose to do.”
At this point Bry’s worse fear came true. From around the corner a female Phaser approached,
but that didn’t stop me, I was hot. I continued, ”Listen Bry, If you don’t want to be my
friend…fine, just have the balls to tell me and I’ll leave you alone. But don’t play this fucking
game with my feelings and emotions. I feel hurt and betrayed by you and I know I deserve to
be treated a lot better.” Bry, now red-faced from being seen by this young girl being confronted
by a Trainee tried to compose himself. “I want to be your friend. I really care a lot about you.”
Bry said. “Bullshit Bry, I don’t buy it.” “I would rather you be honest with me and tell me to
leave you alone, rather than continue to be treated like shit. So get honest.” Bry insisted that he
wanted us to be friends, but we never got together after that day. As I turned to leave, Leonard
came out of the Junior Office and asked what was going on. He was mad because he heard the
commotion from his office, which sits behind the Junior office. I just looked at Leonard and said,
“Everything’s alright Leonard, sorry for the disturbance.” Little did he know, he would be hearing
from me a lot more often.
Soon afterwards, Ted was promoted to Junior Staff. I was happy for him on one hand,
jealous of him on the other. Don't get me wrong; Ted is a great Staff Member. But I just think
he certainly had the upper hand with him having two Juniors on his side. I started doing the
Afternoon raps by myself. This was the one day of the week that I really felt I had any kind of
control emotionally. At least for two hours, I didn’t have a Junior Staff Member breathing down
my neck, nit picking everything I do and say. I have always thought that I work better when I
am by myself. I excelled when no one was watching. I know that may sound a little crazy, but
for me, it’s true.

It needs to be said here that I had a tremendous ability to shut off my emotions when I
was in front of Group. I could be yelled at by the entire Staff and still go right out to Group, do a
Rap and no one in the Group would ever know. My priority was first and foremost, that Group of
kids. No one else mattered to me. I refused to carry the baggage of emotions from being on
Staff, out to the Group with me. I refused to take my frustration and anger that I felt toward
Staff and take it out on the Group. I wanted to do the best I could to be supportive and caring
to everyone there. I could deal with the Staff later.
One particular Newcomer was a real emotional support for me. I bet he doesn’t even
know it. His Name was Mark; he was a former Junior Staff member that had relapsed from
another Straight program. Although he and I never sat down and talked, I had a feeling that of
all the Clients in the Group during this time, he knew what I was going through. He went
through it at one point. We just sort of clicked. His smile gave me the confidence I needed
when I was running low.
I found that on Tuesdays it was not unusual for me to be in front of the Group from 3:00
clear through Evening Rap. Nearly six hours. When I was there, I had no worries about what
Leonard, Dennis or Dean or anyone thought about me. I was left alone. But as soon as I
stepped down from the Staff Stool and out of the Group Room, I was questioned, and confronted
constantly behind closed doors. At the end of each day, I was reduced to tears as I drove home.
I was becoming more and more depressed. Suicide was something I considered on a daily basis.
I would think about pulling my car in front of a tractor-trailer and getting killed that way.
Despite that, I began to view myself as a Junior Staff Member. I started leading mild
confrontations during my Tuesday Afternoon Raps. Of course, had a Junior or Senior Staff
Member found out what I was doing I would’ve been in a lot of trouble. Confrontations were to
be controlled and monitored by at least two Junior or Senior Staff Members. I remember Mark
looking at me and shaking his head, as though telling me, “You know better.”
The constant confrontations day in and day out when I worked started taking a toll on
me. I would yell right back at the Staff Members. I had no respect for them, or the fact that they
worked very hard to get to where they were. I did my best to control my anger, but it proved
more and more difficult. I simply got to a point where I didn’t care anymore.
I will never forget the first and only time I was witness to what I believe was abuse by
Staff in Cincinnati Straight, Inc. Please keep in mind that this is strictly my opinion. As far as I
know, no legal action was ever brought against the Staff Member or Straight, Inc. I was in the
back of the Group during a Guys Rap lead by Leonard. In the front row was a young 18-year-old
man named Ronald, he was not involved in the rap. He was not motivating. He was basically
slouched in his chair. Ronald was not bothering anyone and was not posing a threat to the
safety of the other Clients around him, or himself. Leonard told Ronald to stand up. Ronald
refused. Leonard grabbed Ronald under his arms and lifted him out of his chair. This really
surprised me, as Leonard isn’t a very big person. He began yelling at him for not being involved.
He started telling Ronald that he was a sponge and taking from the Group. Then he pushed him
to the floor. I felt sick to my stomach. Now it seemed Leonard was starting to have fun.
Leonard told Ronald to stand back up. When he just lay on the ground and didn’t move, Leonard
got angry and pulled him up with one arm and the back of his head. When he realized that he
would not be able to lift him all the way to his feet, he pushed him to the ground again. The
thud was nauseating. Leonard leaned over top of Ronald and began cussing him out. Ronald
again made no move toward Leonard or anyone else. He just lay there. Leonard again picked
him up by the back of the head. Ronald stood to his feet. His eyes were closed and he was
basically ignoring Leonard. This only infuriated him more. “You look at me when I’m talking to
you, you piece of shit. Do you fucking hear me moron” Now, I was getting angry. I wanted so
bad to raise my hand and yell at Leonard, but I knew if I did that, he would only have the Group
turn against me. He pushed Ronald onto the floor for a third time. Again, he did not retaliate.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t. If Ronald really wanted to, he could’ve beaten the absolute shit out of
Leonard and humiliate him completely. Ronald didn’t want any trouble; he just wanted to be left
alone. Leonard looked up and me and smiled. But when he saw how upset I was about what I

was witnessing, he quit. Ronald lay on the ground for a few more minutes and then was picked
up and put in his chair by other Newcomers sitting around him.
When the rap was finished, I tried to get Leonard’s attention as he walked toward me.
He looked down and completely ignored me. He walked into the Junior Office door. I was angry.
I walk out of the Group Room and went straight to the Junior Staff Office. (I was not allowed to
walk in the office through the door that led directly out to the Group Room.) After a few
minutes, I was let in. I asked Dean if I could please speak with Leonard. It was important.
Dean went to Leonard, who was sitting behind his desk in his office and asked if he wanted to
hear what I had to say (Damn that Chain of Command) After a few minutes, Leonard agreed to
see me. I walked in. Leonard’s face was pale. He knew what I was going to say. “Leonard, I
said, I know I’m just a Trainee, but what I saw you do to Ronald out there during that rap was
inexcusable.” I continued, “You have no right to push people around like that. They deserve to
be treated with a lot more respect.” Tears started swelling in my eyes as I continued. “ I am
pissed and I am not going to tolerate what you did.” Leonard sat there and listened. He looked
surprised at the emotions and feelings I had. I don’t think he really understood just how
upsetting it was for me until that moment. Then he said, “I’m sorry what I did upset you Don,
but you have to be firm with some of the kids out there. I really don’t think what I did out there
was out of line.” “Well, I do!” I cried. Leonard said, “I’m glad you have the courage to tell me
what is bothering you. I don’t want you to think you can’t talk to me about your concerns. I
understand. Thanks for stopping by.” “That’s it” I thought. “No apology, no real explanation”
Tears continued to stream down my face. I turned and left his office. I was still upset and crying
even harder. Dean tried to stop me and asked if I was all right, I snapped back and told him to
leave me alone. I stormed out of the office. Looking back, Dean stopping me and wanting me to
talk to him was the only time he showed any kind of concern for me.
The next day, Dennis came up to me and said “Come on Don, I need to talk to you.” I
followed him into the hallway just out side the Junior Office. I was really expecting him to
confront me again like he always did. Dennis said, “You and I are going to do a “Family
Conference.” “With who” I asked. “Ronald, he put in to pull himself.” As we made our way to
the conference, Dennis explained, “It’s our responsibility to try and convince Ronald that he
should stay here. You really need to think about what you say, before you say anything. “ I
shook my head. We arrived in Mr. Williamson’s office. Inside were Mr. Williamson, Ronald and
his parents. Dennis and I sat down. During the meeting everyone took turns talking to Ronald,
who just sat there and said nothing. Ronald’s mom was in tears during this meeting. Scared
about what could happen to him if he decided to leave Straight, Inc. We continued for at least
30 minutes or so. Suddenly, Ronald sat straight up in his chair for the first time, smiled and said,
“I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to leave. I want to be straight!” I didn’t buy it for a
moment. My instincts told me he was bluffing to get out of the meeting. I tried to say
something but Mr. Williamson cut me off and signaled me to be quiet. My heart raced as the
next thought of awareness crossed my mind. “He’s going to cop-out!” I felt ill. The meeting
ended. A 5 th Phaser came to the office and took Ronald back to the Group room. As Dennis and
I returned to the Junior Staff office and I to the Trainee Desk to write up what happened, I told
Dennis of my concerns. “Dennis, he’s going to cop-out tonight.” Dennis replied, “No he’s not
Don…I feel positive about him, he’s going to make some good changes.” I persisted and said “ I
really think he is going to leave tonight, we need to either let his Oldcomer know, or find a real
secure home for him to stay in for tonight.” Dennis insisted that Ronald was fine I needn’t worry
about it. I didn’t doubt for a minute that he was going to leave but my concerns were not taken
seriously.

The next morning, I went straight to the Junior Office. As soon as I got inside, I didn’t
say a word to anyone; I just went straight to the Cop-Out board. There on that board was one
name. “RONALD ”, I was mad. “I knew it.” I said. Dennis asked, “Knew what” I yelled back “I
knew that Ronald was going to leave!” What Dennis said next made my blood boil. “Why didn’t
you say anything to anyone” I screamed back “I did Dennis, I told YOU.” “No you didn’t,” He
said. “Dennis, you know damn well I told you. On the way back from the meeting I told you he
was going to cop-out and all you said was, no he’s not, I feel positive about him. So don’t sit
there and lie!” Dennis started to defend himself, when Leonard came out from his office and
asked, “What the hell is going on in here” Dennis turned to Leonard and said, “Don failed to
report a possible cop-out.” I yelled again, “That’s bullshit! I told you right after the family
conference he was going to leave but you didn’t believe me.” Dennis and I started arguing again
leaving Leonard standing there uninvolved. He got mad. “Don, leave NOW. I’ll take care of
this.” “Fine” I said as I stormed out of the office. I never heard another word about it.
It was shortly after this incident that I was demoted to 5 th Level Staff. I was mad. I told
Dennis I thought it was wrong. He denied that it had anything to do with Ronald copping out,
but I knew better. A few days later, I was promoted to 6 th Level again.
One Tuesday after finishing the Afternoon rap, I was in the back of Group when I saw
Mr. Stafford come into the room. I knew that someone was going to be promoted, it always
happened on Tuesday’s. Honestly, I thought perhaps a Junior was going to be promoted to
Senior Staff. Mr. Stafford tried to do this promotion differently from his normal routine. Mr.
Stafford asked, “Who can tell me what I’m going to say” The Group motivated hard, pleading to
get called on. He called on a guy for the answer. As confidently as one can say it, he replied,
“You’re going to tell us that Don is on Junior Staff.” But Mr. Stafford shook his head no. The
Client was shocked and confused as he took his seat. He looked at me and shrugged his
shoulders. No hands went back up again for a few seconds. I think the entire group was
surprised by his reaction and it took a while before anyone in the Group started motivating again,
and even then most of the people in Group kept their hands down. This bothered Mr. Stafford at
this point too. I just smirked. Finally he called on another Client, a girl this time, “You’re going
to tell us that Amy is on Junior She asked. Mr. Stafford said with enthusiasm, “Yes.” But it was
forced enthusiasm and everyone could tell it was put on. The applause for Amy was not what she
deserved and I felt bad that her big day was ruined because of this. I was not happy about the
out come and knew that I had, once again, been shafted out of the promotion.
A few weeks after Amy was promoted I learned that Dean was leaving Staff. I was
thrilled. Finally, Dean would be out of my face. I distinctly remember the day he was in front of
Group telling them good-bye. When a Staff Member leaves, they spend sometime talking with
the Group, sharing the memories they have of being on Staff. The Group also has an opportunity
to tell them how they feel. I stood in the back of Group. I remember thinking, “It’s a real shame
Dean, within a few months, and you’ll be back on drugs again. You are so full of shit. You don’t
care about anyone but yourself.” I can’t tell you how badly I wanted to raise my hand and say
that. But, I didn’t want to upset anyone that may have admired Dean and felt that they were
helped by him. I also did not want to go through the hell of another confrontation from Staff.
One day, I came in for work in the afternoon. I went to the Staff Trainee desk and
started reading over the OB’s book. Dennis and Ben were leading the Guys Rap. It was being
wrapped up. As I read the OB’s book I heard Dennis use the word “Gung Hoitivness.” My mouth
fell open in shock. I was surprised and angry. I turned around in my chair crossed my arms and
just stared at Dennis. He avoided making eye contact with me for the remainder of the rap. As
soon as the Rap ended he made his way to the office. I got up out of my chair and ran toward
him frantically raising my hand as I approached him. He signaled me to come over to him. As
the Group was singing a song, I questioned him about stealing my rap idea that he and I were
going to do. He denied that it was my rap idea and told me to get back to work. I was very
upset and left the Group room to cool off for a while. No one ever came out to see if I was okay
or not.

I was demoted to 5 th Level Staff again although it was never explained exactly why. A
few days later I was promoted again. Despite the fact that I was back on 6 th Level, suicide was
became the foremost thought in my mind. I thought about it constantly.
With tears streaming down my face, I found myself in an Intake Room once again just
before the start of a Tuesday Afternoon Rap. I had made up my mind at that very moment that if
I didn’t make Junior Staff today I was going to end it all. After several minutes I left the room
and made my way to the front of the Group. For the first time in a long while I felt at peace. I
asked for a song. The Group began to sing. Suddenly I saw Debbie, a Junior Staff member come
into the Group Room from the back door. She walked to the back of the center isle separating
the guys and girls sides. Making eye contact with me she indicated that she wanted to come up
there with me. I shook my head. I thought she was going to replace me at first. She sat down
on the stool next to me. I had always liked Debbie and in fact wanted to date her. But she was
seeing Bry. The song ended and the Group began to motivate. I asked for another song. As the
Group sang, Debbie told me, “They want me to observe you, so I’m doing this rap with you.” I
was delighted; I had always wanted to do a rap with Debbie. During the song, I explained what
the rap was on and how it was to be conducted. She liked the rap idea. The rap went off
without a hitch, in fact in the middle of the rap, Debbie leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I
don’t know why I’m out here Don, you’re doing a great job.” I was very pleased with what she
said and I was never more proud. Her approval meant a lot to me. The rap ended and Debbie
left the Group Room immediately. I imagined that she went to the Staff Meeting and was telling
everyone what a good job I was doing and should really be made a Junior Staff Member. I really
set my self up to make Junior Staff that day. Mark looked at me and gave me a thumbs up. But,
as usual, I was not promoted and spent yet another day being confronted in the Office. But even
while being yelled at I thought of Debbie’s words and I just smiled. Her supportive words and
kindness very well may have saved me from committing suicide that evening.
Two days later I was approached by Dennis and told, “Come with me, now.” I followed
him to the office of a newer Executive Staff Trainee name Henry Spencer. Once in his small
office, the meeting started. I had no warning, no idea of what I could expect, and I was put in
this meeting with no time to prepare for what would happen. Although I don’t remember much
about the meeting, the main topic was my performance as a Staff Member. Dennis at one point
said, “He’s real irresponsible.” I was pissed. I countered his comment with, “Irresponsible
You’re calling me irresponsible Just how hard have you really worked with me in helping me
become a Junior You were busy helping Ted out, but you haven’t been there for me.” Dennis
didn’t say anything. I would have to guess the meeting lasted about 30-45 minutes. In the end
Mr. Spencer said, “You are on a two week leave of absence effective immediately.” I was
dumbfounded. I was angry. I was hurt. Had Dennis really sold me out like this Mr. Spencer
continued, “Two weeks from today, we’ll meet again to let us know if you plan on coming back
on Staff or if you will resign. I really think you need time to think about what you want to do.”
He closed by saying; “You are still a Staff Member here, just not on the schedule during your
leave.” In that moment, in that very second, I knew what my answer would be. I would NOT be
returning to Staff. I walked out of the office and ran into Rick. He had just 7 th Stepped Friday.
Anger consumed me and for the first time in a long time, I wanted a drink. I wanted to get high.
Rick wanted he and I to get together after the 7 th Step Rap and do something, but I said no. I
knew that I wouldn’t be very good company for him.
I went out to the Carpet room just outside one of the doors that led to the Group room
and sat on the floor. I was still in shock as to what had just happened. I buried my face in my
hands and cried. It was while sitting there that something finally hit me. I failed at something
for the first time since being at Straight, Inc. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and depressed. Then
something else occurred to me; an overwhelming sense of guilt and fear came over me as I
realized… I had let my Group down. People were counting on me; people in there needed me to
help them. I cried even harder. As the tears dried up, Mr. Williamson entered the room. He saw
me as I sat there on the floor. I must have looked pretty pathetic. He approached me and said,
“I tried Don, and I did everything I could. I’m sorry.” And with that he left. I got up, looked

around the empty room and left the building taking with me, the guilt and shame I had brought
on my self. With that, my Rebel year began. It would either prove to make me stronger or
completely mess me up.
Todd and I got together. He and I really wanted to go to Sanibel Island, Florida in July.
Being on Staff really took up a lot of my time and we really hadn’t seen that much of each other.
Our friendship was still on the mend but doing much better. I remember Todd called Julie and
asked if it would be a problem for me to be off for two weeks in July so that we could go on this
vacation. A few minutes later Julie called back and confronted me saying that I was breaking the
Chain of Command by having Todd ask about going on vacation. I told her that I couldn’t have
broken the Chain of Command, I didn’t talk to her, Todd did and he doesn’t have to follow the
Chain of Command. Julie said she was sure I had broken this rule. I didn’t care. I knew better.
All Todd could do was chuckle. He was stunned about how much crap I had to put up with on
Staff. “I sure am glad I didn’t go on Staff, I couldn’t put up with all that for as long as you have.”
Over the next two weeks, I looked for a job and started looking into different Truck
Driving Schools in the Country. I spent the rest of my time off relaxing and dealing with the
emotional toll of being on Staff. It was at this point that I realized the suicidal ideations and
depression were gone.
The day before the two-week leave was over, I went to the building for the first time. I
approached Bry and asked him what time I should be here for my follow up meeting. He left the
room. Ten minutes or so passed and finally Julie came out. She asked, “Are you planning on
coming back to Staff” I replied, “Hell no!” She said, “Well, since you’re not coming back, there
will be no need for a follow up meeting to take place.” I asked another question, “Would it be
possible for me to tell the Group good-bye” Julie said, “No, that is reserved for Junior Staff
Members or higher to do, you don’t qualify to say good-bye to the Group.” I was crushed.
The next day came and went without incident. But exactly two weeks later, the phone
rang. My mother answered the phone. It was Straight, Inc. “Hello” “Yes.” “What do you
mean where’s Don He doesn’t work there anymore, he left over two weeks ago.” “Meeting,
what meeting No one told me or Don about a meeting.” “Hold on a minute.” Mom covered the
phone and asked, “Do you know anything about a follow up meeting for your leave of absence”
I said, “Hell no, I was told that since I wasn’t coming back on Staff a meeting wasn’t going to be
set up.” My mom explained to the caller what I had just told her. After a minute or so, my mom
covered the phone again. “They want us to go there for a Family Conference.” “A Family
Conference” I asked. “Hell no, tell them I’m not going.” My mom got on back the phone and
said, “I’ll see what I can do…Good-bye.” I said, “You know what They confronted me and
accused me of being irresponsible, but here they are two weeks behind on this follow up
conference that I was told wasn’t going to take place. Now who are the irresponsible ones”
After a few minutes of talking, my mom convinced me that we should go to this conference. I
had never in all the time I had spent at Straight, Inc. had a Family Conference. I was a little
nervous about it. We drove to the building. When we arrived we were led to Mr. Spencer’s
office. Just as the meeting was getting underway, I spoke up and said, “Before we start, I would
like to say something.” Mr. Spencer could tell right away that I was not happy and in fact angry.
He shook his head. I said, “You know, four weeks ago to the day I was placed on a two-week
leave of absence for being “irresponsible”. Two weeks ago I was told that because I wasn’t
coming back on Staff a follow up meeting wasn’t necessary, per Julie but today you guys call and
ask why I’m not here. You telling me I am irresponsible is the pot calling the kettle black. If
anyone in this room is irresponsible, it’s YOU.” My mom got a little concerned about how I was
addressing Mr. Spencer and tried to calm me down. But I was right and wasn’t going to let this
opportunity get by me. I could see by the look on his face he was offended but offered no
explanation for the mess up. No apologies, no remorse or sorrow. After a few moments, he
asked, “Don, are you planning on coming back to Staff” “NO” I snapped. “Well then,” he
continued, “What exactly are you planning to do from here” I replied, “Well first of all, I am
going to get a job so that I can save enough money for Todd and I to go to Florida together. I
will have the weekend off after we return to get ready for my next step. I am currently enrolled

in a truck driving school in Pennsylvania. It is a 6-week course. I will graduate in the top half of
the class. Within two weeks of getting out I will get a job as an Over The Road truck driver.”
Mr. Spencer shook his head, but he looked bothered. Then he said, “I don’t think the goals that
you set are very realistic, in fact I don’t think you’ll get them accomplished at all.” I smiled,
which made him a little nervous and I said, “Well, you know what When I was on my program,
Peggy told my parents that she didn’t think I was ready to go home, but you know what Mr.
Spencer I proved her wrong. I am going to do the same thing to you…prove you wrong.” Mr.
Spencer was still reluctant but turned to my mom. “What do you think about Don’s plans to be a
truck driver” My mom said, “I think if he has his mind set on the goals that he wants to
accomplish, you better not get in his way. If he says he’s going to do something…he’ll do it.”
The meeting was ended and we left. It would be months before I stepped foot in Straight, Inc.
again. But I vowed, “I will be back, and I will have proven them wrong.”

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab.
My Rebel Year- Making A Clean Break
As I left the parking lot of Straight, Inc. I remember thinking that I was beginning a new
chapter in my life. Things were going to be different. For the first time since walking in the
doors of Straight I was now in control of my own life. I was bitter and hated Straight for what I
believed they had done to me. Now it was my turn to take charge and never let anyone dictate
what I should or shouldn’t do with my own life. I realized that I was going to face situations that
I had not encountered before. I also knew that because of my bitterness toward Straight, I
could easily make the decision to start doing drugs again. I was on the edge and took life on one
day at a time. From that day I started growing a mustache and started to let my hair grow long.
I would get a haircut when I was good and ready to.
When I got home I called Todd. I told him what had happened. He was very supportive
and felt bad about the whole situation. He knew what it was like to have bitterness and hatred
toward the program. He had felt the same way since his Family Conference and 7 th Step
Refresher.
I started looking for another job the next day. My friend Tommie was the manager of a
pizzeria so I put in an application there. I was hired on the spot. I worked from 2PM to 2AM five
days a week.
Within just a few weeks, Tommie was fired. Tommie’s Assistant Manager was promoted
and became my new boss. His name was Frank. He was a tall slender black gentleman. A few
days after his promotion he and I were closing the store for the night when I saw his cigarettes
laying on the counter. Just inside the cellophane was a joint. My heart raced as I stared at it.
Frank saw that I had noticed the joint and asked if I wanted to help him smoke it. I told him no.
Over the course of my employment there, I was asked to get high with him at least twice a
week.
It just wasn’t my boss that was tempting me to get high again. There was one customer
in particular that would invite the delivery people to sit down and have a couple of beers with
him. He was a Vietnam Veteran who lived alone in a one-bedroom apartment. He would always
order the same thing. One large pizza with extra pepperoni and one case of beer. Each time I
delivered he would invite me to sit down and talk with him and share a beer or two. Each time
he offered me a beer, I politely declined. Although if it weren’t busy I would sit and talk with him
for a bit. Other than his heavy drinking he was a very nice individual who was simply looking for
someone to talk to.
One day as I was delivering a pizza I had it on my shoulder. Before I knew what had
happened a young black man ran up behind me and swiped the pizza off my shoulder. I took
chase. I thought I was in pretty good shape, but quickly realized that I was no match for this
guy. He was well over 100 yards in front of me in no time. I searched the area and found the
carrying case behind one of the dorms of the college campus. I called my boss and told him
what had happened. Robbery was one of the dangers of this job. I had to be aware of my
surroundings at all times.
The shifts were long, the tips for the most part were poor but I was managing to save as
much money as I could so that Todd and I could go to Florida. I figured that I was making more
money than on my Internship at Straight. I would often go home with more money in one night
than I made at Straight in two weeks.
On the weekends Todd and I would get together. Our friendship was now on firm
ground and we both felt comfortable with the strength and stability of the friendship. I led a
pretty boring life while I was working at the pizza joint but I didn’t miss Straight. In fact I didn’t
attend a single 7 th Step Rap or 7 th Step function while Jeff was leading them. I still felt the anger
and bitterness.

About two weeks before Todd and I were slated to leave for Florida I was keeping very
busy at work. On this particular night I was doing well over $200.00 in business. Before I left
for my final delivery of the night I thought for a moment about leaving the money at the store
and just bring enough to make change. But since I was in a hurry I took the money I had made
with me. After I dropped off the pizza I was driving back to the store. I was stopped at an
intersection when I was struck from behind. My car lunged into the middle of the street. I put
my 4-way flashers on and exited the car to talk to the driver. Without warning and from out of
nowhere someone snuck up behind me and put a gun to my head. My blood ran cold and fear
like no other gripped me. The gunman told me to get in the front seat of the car. I did as I was
told. The gunman got in the back seat. The driver drove the car down the street to an alley way
that lead to the local county morgue. “Great” I thought. “Well, if I’m gonna die I wont’ have too
far to go.” The crooks instructed me to give them all my money. I did, the whole time begging
them to not shoot me. I was nearly in tears and was shaking uncontrollably. The gunman then
asked, “You got in money in your socks” “No, I don’t keep money there.” I replied. “You got it
all, now let me go…please!” I begged. “Get out of the car and run. Don’t think about turning
around, if you do I’ll put a bullet between your eyes.” I didn’t have to be told twice. I got out of
the car and ran as fast as my legs would carry me. I probably ran 100 yards or so then started
making my way back to my car. As I rounded the corner I could see my car sitting in the middle
of the street. My headlights were on, the engine quietly running; the driver door was still opened.
It was desolate not a soul around.
I got back in my car and drove back to a near by hospital. I flagged down a security
guard who promptly called the police. Next, I called Frank. When I told him what had happened
his closed up the store and rushed over to meet me. By now my adrenaline was running low and
emotions started kicking in. I was angry, scared and wanted revenge on the shit heads that put
me through this. The police arrived and took my report. Because I was not able to get a plate
number I was told that the likelihood of catching them was minimal. This just infuriated me even
more. “It’s a damn good thing I didn’t get a hold of that gun cause if I did, you’d have to dead
black men in the alley.” I yelled. The Officer tried to calm me down and said, “You did the right
thing by not fighting. If you had you might be the one laying in the alley with a bullet in your
head.” By this time Frank arrived. He had a baseball bat was and looking for someone to hit. He
embarrassed me the way he flung the bat around like a crazed lunatic. The Officer took the bat
from Frank promising to give it back after he calmed down.
After the report was finished, Frank and I headed back to the store. Because I carried
most of the stores money out with me, I lost my percentage of the business and all my tips. I
knew it wasn’t right because I didn’t have control over getting robbed, but I was too tired and
angry to argue with anyone. Frank asked if I was going to come back to work the next day. I
should’ve said no, but I suppose I was a glutton for punishment. I assured Frank I would be
back tomorrow afternoon.
A few days later I reported Frank to the Regional Manager for growing marijuana in a
planter in the store. Sweet revenge for him not giving me my money. The Regional Manager
asked if I would be interested in taking over as the Manager of the store. But I told her that I
wasn’t planning on staying here very much longer. Her name was Kelly. She had short brown
hair and a pretty smile. Kelly worked at the store after Frank was fired. She and I got along real
well. The rest of my time working at the pizza place was uneventful. I left grateful to still be
alive.
Todd and I packed our bags and were excited about leaving for Florida. Although it didn’t
make much sense we agreed to take my small compact car rather than his big and roomy
midsize vehicle. Todd liked to give me a hard time because I was a stickler for driving the speed
limit. If he did speed in my car he certainly pushed that small four-cylinder hard.

Todd and I listened to rock music we talked and kidded around during most of the trip.
We took turns driving while the other one slept. When we came to the Florida State line we
stopped the car to take pictures. When I took a picture of Todd he shot a peace sign without
warning. I told him that looked stupid, but he just laughed. During the rest of the trip I couldn’t
help but think that perhaps Todd was in the process of relapsing. It wasn’t just the peace sign
that bothered me. Sometimes his whole demeanor was disrespectful, like a dry druggie. He
didn’t seem to care what I thought or what anyone thought for that matter. I never asked him
about it. I had tried to confront Todd before for different things and it never seemed to work
out. He had an answer for everything. One time he told me flat out, “I don’t feel like getting
confronted so just shut up now.” I am ashamed to admit it, but truthfully, I was a weak friend to
Todd.
We arrived at our destination without incident. My parents had already been there for
about a week and were glad to see us. We unpacked and got ready for a good time. I was tired
and so for the first day or so I just wanted to lounge around the condo watching TV. Todd
teased me relentlessly about that. Todd was more the kind of person that liked being out on the
beach all day soaking up the sun.
On about the third day Todd and I were walking down the beach. In the distance I
heard a voice calling Todd’s name. I looked up and there about 100 yards away was the last
person on the face of the earth I wanted to see. It was DEAN! I told Todd, “Shit, what the hell
is this asshole doing here” Todd laughed as he ran toward Dean. They hugged and were really
happy to see each other. I felt sick. I was polite and said hello. Then Todd tells Dean, “You
know what this guys idea of fun is Watching TV.” They laughed at me as if it were the funniest
thing they had ever heard. I cringed in embarrassment.
Dean invited Todd and I to his hotel room. I really didn’t want to go, but did just to be
nice. After being in the room a few minutes Dean and Todd decided to go off somewhere leaving
me in the hotel room alone. I can still see those two walking together, laughing and carrying on
like best pals. I felt hurt and alone seeing my best friend and the person I despised most,
together.
The rest of the vacation was uneventful. I never saw Dean after that, which for me was
a good thing. I was still a little upset about the way Todd had treated me, but I said nothing and
pretended like everything was all right. But deep inside I knew that our friendship was beginning
to crumble again. I knew it was just a matter of time before he relapsed. But the coward inside
me kept me from saying anything about it.
I had the weekend free once back in Ohio. I washed the clothes from Florida and then
packed for my trip out to truck driving school in Pennsylvania. The night before I left I became
extremely ill. I drove my car with my dad and my uncle Dan. I was nervous about being away
from home for so long. I talked about it a lot with dad. After several hours on the road we
arrived in front of a small house near the school. By now I couldn’t talk and I had a fever.
Since I was the first to arrive, I had my choice of rooms. There were 4 altogether. I
chose the only room with one bed. I didn’t want to share my space with anyone. I unpacked
then spent sometime with the gentleman who owned the home. He was extremely friendly. He
told me there was a chicken coop out in the back yard and we could help ourselves to as many
eggs as we wished. I thought this was the strangest thing I had ever heard. Over the next
couple of hours my three other roommates arrived. At this point my dad and Uncle left. I was
given a bottle of medicine for my throat.
The only roommate I remember by name was Jason. He was in his early forties and had
reddish blonde hair. Another young man had long black stringy hair. I could tell by looking at
him that he smoked pot. His brown eyes were bloodshot. He reminded me of Dean. The other
person was from Ohio as well. He was tall, probably 6’ 8 or so. He brought along his bicycle.
Seemed he liked to ride. We introduced ourselves to each other. Everyone wanted to go out to
eat, but since I wasn’t feeling well, I declined but promised as soon as I felt better I would go
out with them.

I went to bed early that night. School started the next morning. I tried to take some
medication but it tasted so bad I couldn’t swallow it. I looked at the label and discovered it
contained 25% alcohol. I caught a bit of a buzz. I fell asleep shortly thereafter.
The next morning I got up and to my surprise I could talk again and the fever had lifted.
I was 100% again. I took a shower then woke Jason. (I was the only one that thought to bring
an alarm clock) After everyone was up and dressed we needed to decide how we were going to
get to and from school. Jason and I were the only ones who brought cars. So, we decided that
Jason would drive us for the first week and then I would drive the second week and so on for the
six weeks.
Being in school was a blast. The Instructors were among the best. I remember sitting in
the classroom thinking that I would like to be an Instructor some day. It looked like a lot of fun
and they made learning easy.
One classmate had just gotten out of the service and had never had a driver’s license. I
couldn’t believe that they let him register for the course. It wasn’t too long before we started
calling him crash and burn. Every time he took a truck out, he’d hit something with it. The
Instructors told him within the first two weeks that he was not going to pass. He was given the
option of leaving so he could be partially reimbursed for the cost of the course. But he declined.
He was also given the option to take a class learning to operate construction machinery. Again
he declined. He stayed the course despite the fact he was going to fail.
We had quizzes everyday with exams every week. I did well on all of them. For the first
time in my life I was going to maintain my grades in school. I never did that in high school.
One day after I had finished studying for an upcoming exam I decided to take a walk.
Jason saw my latest quiz on the table where I had been sitting. He got angry and said, “Why
the hell are you leaving your tests on the table Are you trying to show off or something” He
turned beet red he was so mad. I said, “No Jason, I just hadn’t cleaned up from studying yet
man, I’m getting ready to take a walk.” Jason said, “Well, clean up your shit first!” I picked up
my work put it in my room and left.
The first time all of us went out the guys wanted to go to a restaurant/bar in town. I told
the guys that I had just left a rehab and wasn’t sure about going there. One of the roommates
told me, “Hey its as restaurant man, no one says you got to go to the bar. It’ll be all right.”
Reluctantly I said, “Okay.” It turned out to be a really nice place. I would go there often after
that. Jason got drunk. That’s when Jason started drinking more and more.
I continued to work hard in the classroom and behind the wheel. I learned about pretrip
inspections, post-trip inspections, how to dock, how to hook up a trailer along with the
electrical and air supply hook ups and double clutching. I caught onto this pretty quickly. I found
it frustrating because we couldn’t go above third gear unless we were out of the open road.
My parents wired me money as needed throughout the six weeks. For the most part I
cooked at home after school. I can tell you I ate my fair share of mac and cheese.
Jason on the other hand continued to drink even more. It got to the point where he was
only eating eggs from the chicken coop out back. The money his wife sent went straight to the
bar. We had two weeks of night classes then ended the course on days.
One morning I woke up at 6AM. I went to wake Jason. His bed hadn’t been slept in. I
woke the other roommates and started getting ready. I went outside to see if Jason had even
made it home. His car was in the driveway but Jason was passed out behind the wheel. Since
Jason and I hadn’t been getting along for the most part I asked one of the other roommates to
go out and get him up. He passed out again after he opened the car door.
About forty-five minutes later the three of us were ready to roll but Jason was still out in
the car. I spoke up and said, “I’ll be damned if I’m gonna be late because of this jerk!” At that
moment Jason came staggering through the door. He had over heard what I just said. In a
slurred stupor he said, "You son of a bitch, if you don’t want to be fucking late then you can all
leave. I don’t give a fuck.” His language and his tone offended me. The others were just as
upset. We piled into my small car and went to school leaving Jason behind.

After attendance was taken an Instructor asked me where Jason was. I explained that
he had gotten in late and was probably going to be even later or he may not show up at all
seeing as how he was still intoxicated when we left him. Two hours later, Jason comes stumbling
in to the classroom. An Instructor quickly got up and took Jason outside to talk to him.
Determining that Jason was still intoxicated he sent him home. I wished they would’ve
terminated him but that didn’t happen.
Things at home continued to get worse. Jason was drunk most of the time by now I
wasn’t happy. One day I decided to take a break from studying, grabbed a pad of paper and
went outside. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with the paper but wanted it close by just in
case I was hit by an inspirational thought or something. My mind wondered back to Straight.
More specifically the kids still in Group. I missed them. I decided to write them a letter letting
them know how I was doing. I put a lot of thought into what I was writing. I didn’t want to
scare anyone making them think that life outside the program was terrible but there were
challenges to be faced. On a separate sheet of paper I wrote, “Please read this to the Group
when it’s convenient, thanks.” I mailed the letter that afternoon.
At the end of the six-week course we had to pass a final driving test. We had to show
the Instructors we knew how to do a pre-trip inspection, hook up the trailer, drive the truck
safely through all kinds of traffic conditions and dock the trailer. Docking the trailer for this test
was very easy. It was a straight line back. The dock area was also very large. More than
enough room to fit the trailer. After I finished I hung out with the rest of my classmates. Every
one was waiting for crash and burn. It wasn’t too long before he pulled into the docking area.
He lined up directly in front of the dock. But as he backed up, the trailer went well off center.
He pulled forward and tried again. But again, the trailer went well off. Each time he pulled
forward he would be further away from the dock. In no time he was at least 75 to 100 yards
away. Everyone, including the Instructors was laughing at him. After a while an Instructor ran
out to him and told him to leave. He would need to get a ride back with someone else because
he wasn’t going back in a truck, not even as a passenger.
Once were arrived back in the classroom we were given our certificates and place in the
class. I graduated 28 th in a class of 66. I had accomplished my goal of graduating in the top half
of the class. Jason graduated 56 th .
Having already packed I left for Ohio straight from school. I said goodbye to many of my
classmates and headed home. I couldn’t get home fast enough. I missed my family very much
and was looking forward to seeing everyone. I started sending out resumes all across the
country. Within two weeks I got a call from a trucking firm in Kansas.
I hoped aboard a bus and headed west. At a stop in Indiana I became bored. As I sat
in the station a nearby cigarette machine caught my eye. I struggled with the temptation of
smoking again and I finally caved in and bought a pack. It tasted terrible but I didn’t stop.
I arrived in Kansas and reported to the trucking company. The administrative offices
were closed for the day so I got a room in a nearby motel and went back the next morning. I
was given a road test, which I past pretty easily. At that point I was told to come back tomorrow
and get a Lead Driver. They would be responsible for training me so that I could become a Lead
Driver myself.
The next morning I was approached by a man named Phil. He asked if I was interested
in driving with him. I accepted. I loaded up my belongings and we took off. For the next thirty
days Phil showed me how to do the paper work, log sheets, route planning and everything else
that goes with the job. I was considered a Co-Driver and made just 9 ½ cents a mile. The Lead
Drivers were paid 13 ½ cents a mile.

One day I was driving and came across a construction area along the highway. A long
section of it had concrete barriers to protect the construction workers. I was cautious, perhaps
too cautious. I thought I had passed through the area without any problems. But when we
arrived at a truck stop I did a post-trip inspection and discovered a badly damaged rear wheel on
the trailer. I reported this to Phil who became very upset and angry. It was then that I learned
that repairs came right out of his pocket. I felt extremely guilty and asked if I could pay for it,
but Phil said no. I considered quitting at this point but thought perhaps it was too early and
needed more time to adjust to being a professional driver.
Phil and I didn’t get along too well after that incident. Hard as I tried we seemed to
disagree on everything from where to get fuel, what route we should take, and where to eat.
One evening Phil got on his CB radio and was openly asking if anyone was selling pot. After a
few minutes he got a response. Phil drove to the truck stop where he met with the person
selling the pot. A few minutes later Phil climbed back in the truck and showed me what he
bought. In a small cellophane wrapper was about one ounce of pot. It was extremely green. I
looked at Phil and asked, “How much did you pay for that shit weed” Phil said, “Thirty five
dollars man. What do you mean shit weed This is great stuff.” I laughed and said, “Dude the
only thing you’re gonna get from that weed is a massive headache.” “Fuck you!” Phil yelled. He
rolled a joint and smoked it. It smelled worst then it looked. Phil insisted that he had gotten a
great buzz from it but I knew better. To be on the safe side, I drove.
After being on the road for three months it was time to go back to Kansas so his truck
could get serviced. As we pulled into town, he got on channel one on his CB and called for a
taxi. The cab was waiting for him when we pulled into the lot. As we pulled around to the very
back of the property Phil showed me something. Along the side of the lot were a number of
trucks that had been wrecked. Phil explained that all company trucks that were involved in a
serious accident were brought back to the station and placed on display. He went on to explain
that if there was an orange X on the driver door, the driver was killed. If it was on the passenger
side, the co-driver was killed. If the X was on the side of the truck one of the two were killed
while sleeping in the sleeper berth. It was eerie but it helped me to become more careful out
there. Every three months when I returned to station there were other trucks and more X’s. I
was always thankful for a safe return and prayed for those who didn’t make it back.
My next Lead Driver was an older man named Carl. He was from Boston. He had just
received an award for one-year accident free. I thought this was probably the best person to
learn from. He was a quiet person but was fairly easy to talk with. I told him of my time in
Straight. He told me about his daughter who was an alcoholic. Carl reminded me of my
grandfather. He taught me a lot and was very understanding and patient with me.
One day we were driving down the highway when all of a sudden he became angry. He
was yelling at someone in a car and he shouted, “You dumb Sons of Bitches!” Now I had never
heard this term used in the plural form and I started laughing. I couldn’t stop. Carl became
upset with me because he thought I was laughing at him. It took me a while but I was finally
able to tell him that I wasn’t laughing at him, I was laughing at what he had said.
After about two months of working with Carl he determined that I was ready to become
a Lead Driver. We returned to Kansas.
Being a Lead Driver came with a lot of responsibilities. It was explained that I would
have to purchase a truck. I placed a small down payment on a 1981 cab over. I was considered
a President of my own “company”. I would finance the truck and make weekly payments on it.
In addition I was responsible for purchasing fuel, repairs on the road, and pay for a Co-Driver,
which I was required to hire myself.
My first Co-Driver was from Missouri. He had just gotten out of truck driving school.
He was a young punk but he had high hopes. He wanted to be an owner operator and drive an
expensive rig. I explained to him that most professional drivers are on the road with ten years
experience before someone would finance a rig like the kind he wanted. (At least that’s what I
had been told) After about two weeks, I fired him in northern Ohio. I called my Dispatcher who
brought me back to Kansas to get another Co-Driver.

I was called into the office upon my arrival. At first I thought I was going to get fired for
terminating my Co-Driver. But I was told I didn’t have to put up with a Co-Driver who was going
to be causing me problems. Instead what the Manager wanted was for me to trade in my truck
for a newer model. I got a 1985 cab over and my weekly payments doubled.
I hired Gary for my next Co-Driver. He came from Michigan. Gary was by far the nicest
and best Co-Driver I had. He and I had a blast together. We went to bars and listened to music.
I didn’t feel guilty about anything I was doing on the road and couldn’t care less what anyone at
Straight would think. I continued to let my hair grow. I had told Gary all about Straight. He
thought it was nice that I could maintain my sobriety for so long. He also understood my hatred
of the place.
One day I was in a restaurant and decided to call Todd. I was telling him about
everything I was doing on the road and about the different states I had been to. Suddenly Todd
asked, “So, have you started drinking yet” I was stunned; I wasn’t ready to hear that kind of
question. I said, “No, what makes you ask a thing like that Todd” He said, “Well, I have.” My
heart sank. I was so disappointed in Todd and I told him so. Remembering the promise I had
made to not let other peoples decision effect me I told him that I loved him and when I get into
town next time, we’d have to sit down and talk. Todd promised and I hung up the phone.
At some point I made my first stop at Straight since I had left. It was an Open Meeting
night and I pulled into the lot. It was common for parents to patrol the lot for suspicious looking
persons so I wasn’t surprised that two men came running toward my truck as I climbed down. I
was dressed in blue jeans, a jean jacket and had a chain wallet. My hair was just over my collar
at this time. I told the two men who I was and that I was a 7 th Stepper. I was escorted to the
front lobby. The Phoner recognized me and told the parents I was okay. After the Open Meeting
was over, I attended the Open Meeting Review. I don’t remember a single Staff member saying
anything to me. I left the building feeling lonely and disappointed.
The next day I returned to the building and parked my rig by the front lobby. I dressed
in my jeans and jacket and all. I wasn’t going to changed into “Straight clothes” just to make
them feel better about me. They were either going to accept me the way I was, or not at all. I
walked into the Group room. A lot of the kids turned around and smiled when they saw me. It
was nice to see many of them. I was called on and talked to the Group about my experiences on
the road and the different parts of the country I had been in. I told them about some of the
temptations that were out there and how I was dealing with it.
At some point, Ted came out of the Junior Staff office. I walked over to him and gave
him a big hug. Then he leaned over and said, “Could you tuck your chain to your wallet in your
pocket It’s distracting.” I rolled my eyes at Ted, but complied with his wishes only out of
respect for him. Bry came out a little while later. He smiled and approached me. I was a little
surprised when he gave me a hug. One of the last times I had talked to him was when we got
into the argument over our friendship. Bry told me that Mr. Williamson had read the letter I sent
while I was in school. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that. I left the building a few hours
later. I wasn’t sure when or if was going to return.
Gary and I continued to work well together. We even took time off to go horseback
riding. That was a great time. By the end of the three months I knew he was ready to become
a Lead Driver. Gary said something to me that I will never forget, “Do me a favor. The next Co-
Driver you hire, don’t tell them about the time you spent in rehab. Chances are they’ll never
know and it’s not that important anyway. It’s time for you to move beyond that period of your
life.” We returned to Kansas where I dropped Gary off and hired another Co-Driver.
The new Co-Driver was from Wyoming. His name was Butch. He was a heavy set,
clumsy redhead with dark freckles on his face. I tried my best to teach him the ropes of the
business. He wanted to learn how to float the gears of the 13 speed. He never quite caught on.
He’d float the first fourgears then double clutch the last one. He about drove me crazy. During
his training I didn’t get much sleep and in fact I would pull eighteen to twenty hour shifts and
would falsify the logbook to show that I had only driven ten hours at a time.

One night I was taking an early morning walk. I saw a convenient store along the way.
I considered going inside and buying some cigarettes but decided I would stop by later after I
had walked a little more. There was a dead end street that I walked down and back before
stopping in the store. On my way back I saw a local police car pulling up the street toward me.
I kept my hands out of my pockets and continued to walk toward him. He turned his spot light
on which temporarily blinded me. I stopped walking. The officer got out of the car and carefully
came toward me. When he was about five feet from me he asked, “Have you been in that store
over there tonight” “No sir” I answered. “I was just getting ready to get some cigarettes now
as a matter of fact.” The Officer explained that the store had just been robbed and he thought I
might be the crook. I assured him that I wasn’t. At this time the Officer instructed me to meet
in at the counter inside the store. I walked inside and bought a pack of cigarettes. As the clerk
was giving me my change the Officer walked in. “Is this the guy” the Officer asked the clerk.
“No” he replied, “This ain’t him.” I told the Officer and the clerk good night and returned to my
rig.
Over the course of my employment I was involved in a number of backing accidents. I
was beginning to get scared that I was going to get fired. For now I was living week to week
and was volunteering to stay out longer and longer between maintenance check ups.
One night I had arrived in New York. Since I was early I had to spend the night in my
rig outside the place of business. I went for a walk. About 45 minutes later as I was walking
toward my rig I heard what sounded like a small heard of animals and the sound was getting
louder by the second. Then I head barking. Lots of barking. I squinted to see what types of
dogs were in the area. Then I saw them, all kinds of dogs, German Shepard’s, Rotweilers,
Dobermans, and other smaller dogs. They were headed straight for me. Now typically the only
dogs I’m afraid of are the ones I can’t see. But seeing this many dogs charging at me scared me
to death. Suddenly I heard a mans voice yelling for the dogs to stop. I don’t know why they
obeyed him, but thankfully they ran off and away from the area. The man who was probably in
his late fifties came up to me and said, “You shouldn’t be out here walking around at this hour.
The dogs around here hang out in packs and bite each other.” I thanked the man for helping me
out and went straight to my truck, locked the doors and went to sleep.”
After I dropped the load off the next morning I called my Dispatcher. He had a load
coming out of New York going to Hollywood, Ca. Three days later we arrived but because the
warehouse was closed we spent the weekend in Hollywood. I saw the walk of fame and ordered
some pictures of my favorite lead singer from the band Queen. That was one of the best
weekends ever for me.
Several weeks later I arrived in Kansas. I dropped off my rig and got a room at my usual
motel. For the first time since working there I decided to do a little site seeing. Down the street
from my motel was the Mine Creek Battle Field. I walked there seeing as it was fairly close.
There were all types of buildings there, barracks, and office buildings all kept original from the
time they were used. I was fascinated. The one building that caught my eye was a small jail
complete with bars on the windows. I walked in. Just inside to the left was a small wood
burning stove. There was a window just to the left of that. I walked through an entryway that
led to three cells. Only one was opened, the others were locked. Inside the locked cells the
beds were made with sheets and blankets. Suddenly I heard a door behind me slam shut and
then a click of a lock. I was stunned. I ran for the door and started beating on it and yelling for
someone to come back and let me out. I looked down at my watch, it was 5PM. No one came
back. I was panic stricken for about the first thirty minutes. I tried everything I could think of
you get someone’s attention but it was futile. I had on a pair of jeans, a flannel shirt and my
jean jacket. It was suppose to get pretty chilly that night. At first I planned on just finding a
place to sleep for the night, but it just started getting colder in the room. I could see my
breathing hang in the air. I made an attempt to retrieve the blankets in the two cells, but I
didn’t have anything that would reach that far back in the cells. I tried to start a fire in the stove
but because the flue had been welded shut, there was no way for oxygen to get to the flames to
keep it lit.

By now it was dark. T he only thing I could do was to keep looking for a way out of
there. I thought of how many people might have tried to do the same thing decades ago. Did
anyone ever make a successful escape from here I was beginning to have my doubts. At about
1AM I started taking the stove a part and use the different parts to try to unscrew the screws
securely holding the bars in place. No such luck. Finally, although I knew it would only get
colder, I was left with no choice but to begin breaking the windows. I could see traffic from RT
69 and patiently waited for a patrol car to go by. When I spotted one I smashed a section of the
window making a horrible racket hoping to get the attention of the officer. Each time the Officer
drove by apparently never hearing the glass being smashed. After a couple of hours all the
sections in the window were destroyed and now I was freezing. I tried to lie back down but
sleep would not come no matter how hard I tried.
Finally at about 3:30AM I saw someone walking by within earshot of my voice. I yelled
out to him for help. He walked over. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “You have to call
the cops and get me out of here” I pleaded with the young man. He said that he would. After
giving me a cigarette he ran off in search of a phone.
Fifteen minutes later every police officer on-duty in and around the area came rushing to
the scene lights and sirens blaring for miles around. They surrounded the jail. I was never
happier to see the police than right then. One Officer approached the window and I was able to
tell him what had happened. In the mean time they were able to contact security to bring a key
to the jail. Thirty minutes passed and soon I could hear the door being unlocked. The door
swung open, I politely thanked the security officer and started to leave. But one of the
policemen stopped me saying, “Hold on there a minute buddy.” Noticing the stove in pieces on
the floor, and the window completely destroyed, he continued. “There is a lot of damage here.”
I explained to the Officer that I was desperate to get out of there and resorted to trying any and
everything I could. I went on to explain that each section of the window was busted when a
cruiser was driving by. The Officer turned to the security guard and asked, “You want to file
criminal damaging charges against this guy” The guard chuckled and said, “Hell no man. If I
were in his shoes I would probably do the same damn thing. It’s a good thing he’s a young man.
If a elderly man got trapped in here he might not have survived the night.” I was relieved to
hear that no charges would be filed. The security guard explained to me that every night there is
usually a guard here 24 hours a day. But there was a special event that required them to cancel
the third shift that night. He apologized and told me to file a complaint in the morning. The
police ran a back ground check on me and then released me. I asked if they could give me a
ride to my motel but for reasons not explained, they refused. I ended up walking back to the
motel.
The next morning I returned to the battlefield and filed a complaint saying that there
should’ve been security there last night. They apologized and asked if there was anything they
could do. I asked them to pay for my stay at the motel. They gave me the money on the spot.
Back on the road I worked hard and tried to be careful not to have any more accidents.
I arrived in Anderson Heights and planned another visit to Straight. My hair was now well over
my shoulders. I arrived during the day around 1PM or so. I was cleared at the lobby. I made
my way to the group room. Just as I was approaching the Group Staff Supervisors office an
Executive Staff member stepped in front of me. It was Wilma Young. She was an Executive
Trainee. She had a daughter that had 7 th Stepped some time ago. Mrs. Young said, “I’m afraid
you can’t go in there Don.” “Why not!” I asked. “Well, you don’t look very good and I’m afraid
that the group wouldn’t feel good about seeing you like this what with the jean jacket and boots
and chain wallet and your hair is way too long.” I couldn’t believe what she was saying. I asked,
“Have I been placed in “bad standing” at Straight” Mrs. Young paused for a second and then
stammered, “Well,….no not really.” I snapped back and said, “Well then you have to the count of
three to let me by or I’ll move you out of the way.” When I got to two, Mrs. Young obviously
upset moved aside and let me pass.

I was happy to see a lot of the clients now on 4 th or 5 th Phase. I was even happier to
hear that some had 7 th Stepped since I saw them last. I was not called on to talk to the group
and some of the Staff was a little bothered by my appearance. After about two hours I was
asked by some of the other Staff members to see my rig. I particularly remember Olivia really
liking the truck. I had a blast showing everyone around the rig. Before I left I asked if Dennis
was around. They told me he was in his office. He was a Senior now. He was too busy to talk
to me. I left.
Back on the road, my Dispatcher and I tried to get my co-driver home for his birthday.
As hard as we tried there were no loads going to Wyoming. It would be another two weeks after
his birthday that we finally got him home. I stayed over night, which was disgusting as there
were cockroaches all over the place in his house. The next day Butch told me that he didn’t want
to drive anymore but at the same time didn’t want his family to know he had quit. He told me
that he was going to inform them that the company was laying off drivers and since he was so
new he would be one of the first one’s dismissed. I told him that would be fine but to not
involve me in the matter.
I drove solo for the next two weeks and then was called to return to Kansas. After I
pulled in I was told to report to the Managers office. I knew why they wanted to see me. Just
as I thought I was fired. Exactly one year after starting there. I wasn’t sure just how I was going
to get home. I managed to run into another driver who had just been terminated. He told me he
lived about five hours north of Anderson Heights and was glad to give me a ride home.
I had a lot of time to think about the events of my life of the last 17 months. People I
had met, places I had gone, things I had done. I considered myself lucky that I didn’t relapse
even though the opportunity presented itself on a number of occasions. During the ride home I
came to realize that I had to stop acting like a rebel and really buckle down and do some
growing up.
When I arrived home my parents were very supportive. Although they were sorry to see
me lose my job, they were relived at the same time that I was safe and they no longer had to
worry about my getting killed out on the highway. My Aunt was there, which I wasn’t expecting.
She saw how long my hair was and looked concerned. I asked my mom to take a picture of me
with my long hair. I wanted something to remind me of where I was and what I had learned
over the last 17 months. Later, my mom confided in me that my Aunt had asked her if I had
relapsed. She based this on the idea of how long my hair was. I was crushed.
As it turned out there was a National 7 th Step Reunion scheduled to take place in
Anderson Heights in early October. I went and got my haircut. 17 months of growth took some
time to cut off. I attended the reunion not really knowing what to expect. There were probably
close to 100 people there. At one point Ted came up to me and said, “Hey Don. Remember
Denise” “Of course I remember Denise” I replied. “Well” Ted said, “I just learned that she had
waited for you to get in touch with her for two years after you got out of the program.” I was
shocked. I felt bad that I never contacted her after getting out. I had already felt guilty for the
way in which I left her back in late 1981. Now I felt guilty for never calling her at all. I hadn’t
seen her since September 11, 1982 when I was on 5 th Phase.
I saw a girl named Diane. She had 7 th Stepped about three months ago. She was a tall
pretty girl with long brown hair. She and I danced together and talked quite a bit. A little later
some Staff members started confronting her about how much time she was spending with me.
As I approached them, they started backing down and then walked completely away from us.
The night was filled with a lot of memories and I had a great time. But it never once
occurred to me to look for Jack and Stan my Oldcomers from St. Pete.
My Rebel Year was now over. I had stayed sober and I was glad I did. I later dated
Diane for a short period of time before she moved back to Michigan. Now it was time for me to
move forward and find another job and settle down. My Rebel Year had made me a more
confident and stronger person because of what I had experienced.

Amer ica’s Most Controversia l Drug Re hab
Moving Forward- Life Without Straight
Within a few weeks I landed a job for a large Automobile Service in the Emergency Road
Service Department. As it turned out the Director of the department was a former parent of the
program. I was training to become a third shift Dispatcher. I spent a few months on first and
second shift. There was one particular daytime dispatcher named Leon that didn’t like me too
well but for the life of me couldn’t figure out what I had done to displease him.
I started working third shift and met a newer employee. We called him Radio Man but
his name was Jason. He had two-way radios and pagers hanging from his belt and was a
licensed Amateur Radio operator. He and I had an absolute blast working together. I recall on
more than one occasion he and I would make paper airplanes and throw them out the third story
window to see whose would fly further. He left in order to pursuer a career in law enforcement.
I started working with an older gentleman whose name was also Don. I used to laugh at
him when he would get angry and upset with a customer who wasn’t willing to abide by the
regulations set up by the company. The way he cursed and threw his head set around in a fit of
rage had me on many occasions laughing so hard I’d have tears in my eyes. In the mean time
Leon well was now writing me up on a daily basis in an effort to get me fired. He didn’t succeed
because his write-ups were out right lies. He even went through my trashcan in the morning and
questioned why I was throwing information cards away. (The cards the customer information and
location were recorded.) I was never happier the day he told me he was leaving.
We finally installed a computer system in the department and I had the privilege of
taking the very first call on the new system.
In late 1985 I hooked up with Joel, a guy that attended the same church that I used to.
He was working third shift as a Security Guard not too far from where I was working. We
decided to become roommates and car pool to work. We lived on the 2 nd floor of a house that
was set up as an apartment. Rent was cheap and we paid half of the utilities with the landlord
who lived downstairs. Joel was a volunteer firefighter with the Madison Place Fire Department.
We lived less than a mile away. Since being a firefighter was something that appealed to me
while I was in Straight I asked about joining. I met with the Fire Chief and was put on the roster
right away.
I went out and bought a cheap teardrop style red light and a really cheap 58-watt siren
and put it on my car. I was always excited about being able to drive my car with the lights and
sirens and running red lights and stop signs, but on the day I was actually able to do it, I was
terrified out of my skull.
I enrolled in EMT school. I was very glad that I was working third shift because this
gave me the opportunity to spend my down time studying. I became fast friends with a
paramedic with Madison Place named Robert. He helped me with my schooling as well. I took
the State Exam and passed with an 87%. Although it doesn’t seem like a great score, to me it
was fantastic. I got my Ohio EMT card on February 2, 1987.
I went on to go to Fire School and was certified in the 36-hour course. Within a very
short period of time I was promoted to Assistant EMS Coordinator under Robert who was the
EMS Coordinator. I was later elected as an officer of the Fire Fighters Association.
My mom was still working at Straight as the Executive Secretary. Later in 1987 she told
me that Straight was going from a 7-step program to AA’s 12 Step program. I was a little upset
because I didn’t see the need in changing something I didn’t think was broken. Other than that
my association with the program was non-existent. I lost touch with Todd and didn’t even go to
the building to visit anyone. I didn’t go to 7 th Step raps or functions.

In 1988 I grew tired of the Road Service job and so without notice I left that job in order
to accept a full time position with Citywide Ambulance, headquartered in a neighboring
community. I worked 24/48. It was a lot of hard work. Often times I did 7 or 8 runs before
lunch. I would do as many as 23 runs in a 24-hour shift. My partner, Grant was a hot head and
it rubbed off on me. I got in some trouble at different facilities we did runs for. I would always
try to keep my temper under control but failed miserably. It was really a miracle that I didn’t get
fired.
Then in August 1988 my mom informed me that Cincinnati Straight was closing. I was
shocked. I guess I never really thought that particular division would ever close. Sure other
branches closed because of problems with some Staff using drugs and numerous lawsuits filed
against Straight for abuse and kidnapping, but Cincinnati while brutal and downright difficult was
for the most part on the up and up. A lawsuit was filed by the Cincinnati Board of Directors
against Straight National claiming that they were reneging on a promise that a program would
remain in Cincinnati. They were asking for a percentage of the money made from selling the
property to go toward helping area teens with Chemical Dependency issues.
On September 23, 1988 I went to the Cincinnati building for the first time in many years.
When I arrived there were a lot of people, most of whom I didn’t remember. I was getting ready
to take a place behind the guy’s side when a Staff member approached me. She asked if I could
help out. I asked her what she wanted. “Can you take the Introduction notes for tonight’s Open
Meeting” “I haven’t done that since I was on Staff.” I replied. Somehow she convinced me to
do it. The next thing I remember about the Open Meeting was I sitting in a chair observing the
meeting from where a real Staff member should be. I regretted taking on this “favor” almost
immediately after the meeting started.
Many 5 th Phasers 7 th Stepped that night. I really expected the whole 5 th Phase section to
7 th Step but they didn’t. A few 7 th Steppers did introductions and as I listened, I thought that I
should be one of the one’s up there giving my Introduction. I don’t believe that I stayed around
very long once the meeting was over. Although I did learn that they no longer called 7 th
Steppers…7 th Steppers. They were called Graduates. I also learned that the clients still on the
active phases of their programs were going to be transferred to either Michigan where they were
opening up a new branch or down to Georgia. Some Cincinnati Staff had already gone ahead
and were getting ready for the new program. That is why Cincinnati was so short staffed and
why I was asked to help out.
I continued to working at Citywide and maintaining a sober life style. Again, I didn’t stay
in touch with anyone. I did what I thought was expected of me. To move on in life without the
support of a group. It never occurred to me to start going to AA or NA meetings. I didn’t think I
needed to do it.
My parents did stay in touch with the many friends they made there. I was always
interested in hearing how Scott was doing or if Bry was doing all right. But as far as getting
together with anyone, I didn’t have a desire to seek them out.
On March 1, 1990 I was told that the former Junior Staff member, Jeff had committed
suicide. I was speechless. I don’t remember much about the days that preceded his funeral.
But on the day of his funeral I was scheduled to work a 24-hour shift at Citywide and chose not
to attend. Beside, I didn’t really want to see anyone from Straight. But as some point during my
shift I was walking out in the ambulance bay smoking a cigarette thinking about Jeff and prayed
he was in a better place.
Occasionally I would drive up to the old building and take pictures. In November of 1990
I learned that another drug rehab would be opening up in the same location
In 1990 June called me from out of the blue. She wanted to see about the possibility of
getting back together. I was so lonely that I took her up on it. She was living in Eastern Florida
and was a Deputy in Corrections. She and I wrote and called almost daily. We fell in love and
soon she was in Ohio visiting. We eventually got engaged in April 1991. I turned in my two-week
notice and took some time to meet her friends and coworkers in Florida.

I moved in with her on May 1. She was a born again Christian and I found myself falling
in love with the Lord for the first time in nearly nine years. But the relationship between June
and I started to fall apart almost immediately and by May 22 I broke the engagement off. One
day while praying the Holy Spirit spoke to me and directed me to move back to Ohio and start
attending church that I had known about since Straight 1982. I’ve been a member there ever
since. I went back to work for Citywide. Since I was a rededicated Christian my work ethic was
greatly improved. I eventually worked my up to Field Supervisor. Then in 1996 a large national
company bought out Citywide. Although I continued to work as a Supervisor I was eventually
moved into the Communications Center where I’ve been ever since.
I am happily married and have two teenage step daughters. My wife is an
LPN/Paramedic and works in a retirement home.
Straight, Inc. closed its headquarters and flag ship program in 1992 and in late 1993
closed it’s last remaining branch in Georgia. A number of spin-off programs still operate today in
the United States utilizing the same concepts, methods, and treatment modality that Straight
used.
Reuniting with People from Straight.
In February 2000 I was getting ready to attend my 20-year high school reunion. I don’t
know why I was so excited about it. My ten-year reunion was not a very good experience. It
only made me realize how few friends I really had back in my drug using years. One of my
classmates started an Internet group for our class. I was one of the first to join the group. As I
watched the membership grow I was struck with a thought. “I wonder how many people from
Straight would be interested in joining a similar group” I started thinking about all my old
friends from Straight and thought about how nice it would be to talk to them, or better yet, see
them again. What would I call such a group Well, since I was preparing to see my Alumni from
high school it seemed fitting to call it Straight Inc. Alumni. I purposely left the comma between
the words Straight and Inc. out as a sign that Straight was closed. Although I had a lot of anger
toward the people at Straight, I recognized that Straight was responsible for helping me maintain
my sobriety. So I viewed Straight Inc. Alumni as a Pro-Straight group.
I put the group together and waited. My mom joined, then my Senior Pastor who was a
parent in the program. And then, the memberships stopped. I was dismayed and shut it down.
But inside I was positive that I wasn’t the only person out there would was wondering about
people from Straight. I went on my e-mail account and created a new screen name Straight Inc.
Then I put together a small web page about Straight and Straight Inc. Alumni. I then put the
group back on the Internet and started going to other places on the web that would advertise
Straight Inc. Alumni for free. In less than 24 hours I got an E-mail from a former client in
Straight. I will never forget the subject title. It wasn’t that way for all of us! In his e-mail he told
me of his nightmare and in fact never stopped having nightmares about the program. He wrote
about the physical, emotional and other abuses he was subjected to, as were other people there.
I wrote him back telling him that I witnessed no such thing. The people that were restrained
started it and to a degree deserved it. He directed me to a message board about Straight.

The group was called Straight, Inc. Survivors. I was over whelmed by the number of
messages posted there and started reading through them. All of the messages spoke of Straight
in a negative way. No one had anything nice to say about the program, the Staff or it’s Founders.
I quickly realized that I had stumbled upon a group of people who were openly angry and had a
deep down hatred for the program. One message in particular struck a nerve with me and I just
had to respond. The message was titled Spit Therapy. It discussed how Staff members and
clients in Straight would spit in the faces of the clients. I had never witnessed that behavior in
Cincinnati. I do remember one time when Junior Staffer Lee was confronting a client when he
accidentally let loose with some spit. Lee felt so bad that he physically backed off and apologized
to the client. So I replied calling the message Spit Therapy Hogwash! I left the message board
and didn’t think too much of it. A few days later I got an e-mail from the Founder of Straight,
Inc. Survivors asking me to come back to the board. My message had made quite an impression
among the members there. I was excited and quickly linked to the site. Several people had
responded. But as I started reading the replies my heart sank. I was being confronted about
what I had said.
For the next several months I adamantly defended Straight and accused the others there
of failing to take responsibility for the actions and that what they had done to their families had
gotten them put in Straight. The harder I defended Straight, the harder they came back at me.
The responses I got to my messages were full of hatred. It got to the point that all I thought
about was Straight. I was always thinking of things I could say to get them to see my point of
view. I became physically ill and emotionally depressed.
In the mean time my group was growing but very few messages were being posted. As
I continued to read through the messages at the Survivors site I began seeing things from a
different perspective. I have always had an open mind and so as more time passed I started
changing the way I viewed Straight.
It took a long while but eventually I came to an understanding about how Straight
operated and in fact how Straight failed to help many clients there. Today the Founders of
Straight boast about the fact that 12000 clients successfully completed the program. What they
fail to mention is the fact that nearly 50000 people were at one time clients in Straight. In other
words less than half the people who enrolled in the program made it out. The rest, pulled
themselves, were pulled by their parents, terminated or copped out.
The other reality that began to sink it was the fact that Straight was a cult. Brain
washing techniques were used to get the clients to conform. Straight as you now know had their
own language, clients were constantly told the ONLY way to get and stay straight was to
complete the program. Both the parents and clients became convinced that if the program wasn’t
completed they would end up dead, insane or in prison. Another cult behavior was the fact that
clients were not allowed to associate with people who had been pulled, copped out, relapsed or
otherwise placed in bad standing with Straight.

Here are some other problems that I’ve learned about. The Staff that worked with the
clients during the majority of the program were under trained and in fact not qualified to work
with children and Chemical Dependency issues. Not once, during my entire program did I ever
meet with a Professional, licensed drug/alcohol counselor. A licensed practitioner did not
dispense medications. (LPN or RN) the Staff did. Crimes against the clients, such as rape, and
child molestation were not reported to the proper authorities. Instead these issues were used
against the child and blamed these incidents as part of their drug problem. Clients were not only
allowed but encouraged to restrain other clients who were misbehaving to make them comply
with the rules of the program. Injuries sustained as a result of these restraining sessions were
not always treated. Frequently a client who became ill or injured was denied medical attention.
Adult clients who wished to withdraw from the program were not allowed to leave and held
against their will. Some adult clients who did manage to leave the program were literally
kidnapped and brought back to the program against their will by the Staff and clients in the
program. Several clients were denied proper food and sleep. It was a common practice in some
branches to keep a client awake 3 or 4 days at a time in order to make them comply with the
program. Others were only allowed to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for months at a
time. In some branches it was discovered that the Staff was using drugs yet still counseling
others to remain sober. And there is more. In some branches Junior and Senior Staff Counselors
sexually abused clients. Other clients who failed or refused to comply with the program rules
were subject to beatings in the Time Out room. Girls who were pregnant were forced to get
abortions, some were even tricked into getting them by having them sign consent forms without
allowing them to read what they were signing. Most if not all other these issues went on and
most Executive Staff knew what was happening yet they did nothing to stop it.
I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I managed to get through my program in just
under a year. I was never restrained. I was never set back or started over. For the most part I
got enough sleep and ate well. The single injury I did sustain was treated immediately. I was a
popular client and made many friends among other clients and Staff. I have also managed to
continue to live a drug free lifestyle.
But many clients weren’t so lucky. Many of them have committed suicide as a direct
result of their being subjected to the behavior modification of the program. Others today suffer
from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Others continue to have nightmares about the program,
well over 20 years later.
If I had it to do over again, I doubt very much that I would sign myself in. I am an
alcoholic but I needed professional intervention. Straight didn’t provide me with professional
counseling instead I was more or less forced to get straight or rot in the program. The
restrictions placed on me were insane. In fact murders and rapists in prison have more freedoms
and rights than I did. To not even be allowed to call my parents or get a card in the mail from
them was cruel. To not be allowed to read my Bible was a violation of my constitutional rights.
Would I put my teenage stepdaughters in a program like Straight No chance. I used to think
that I would, but now you couldn’t pay me to put them through half of what I went through and
like I said I was one of the few lucky ones.
If you have a child who is using drugs and you believe they need help, make sure the
program you place them in will allow you to call and visit them at any time. Make sure the
people there are licensed professionals. Check with the Better Business Bureau about their
practices. Don’t be afraid to ask for the counselor’s credentials. Get references, lots of them.

Straight Inc. Alumni- Reuniting People from Straight
Straight Inc. Alumni was created for the specific purpose of reuniting people from
Straight, Inc.
Today Straight Inc. Alumni has over 300 members and growing every month. Over
36000 messages have been posted to the site since it went on line on April 24, 2000. We have
former clients from just about every branch of the program. We are still looking for the tens of
thousands of other clients who went into the program.
If you or someone you know was a client in this program tell them about Straight Inc.
Alumni and point them to this site. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Straight_Inc_Alumni if you
have any questions you can e-mail one of the Moderators that run the day-to-day operations.
More information about Straight can be obtained by going to the largest website about
the program at http://thestraights.com editor Wes Fager maintains the site and is a former
parent of Straight, Virginia.