PhillyFIT Magazine

just being alone 24/7. Each day I’d look for a breadcrumb serving
as an indication that things were turning around. One day I saw a
glimmer of hope, and acted on it! She asked us to move in with
her! Within weeks, I moved my office out of my home, my home
into hers, and cleaned/sorted her home to accommodate us – all
within her boundaries and keeping her home happily in tact.
If any of you have under taken such a project, let alone with such
a short window of time to do so, you understand the word exhaustion
is not enough to describe where our heads and bodies are at
this point. I think I’d rather take that bootcamp workout I was
complaining about a few weeks ago over this type of physical
tiredness, any day! But something strangely wonderful is coming
from it all.
My four year-old daughter, Savannah, said to my mother the other
crisp fall night, "Sweet dreams Grandma!” My Mom turned to her,
looking a bit surprised. “What did you say little one” “I said
sweet dreams to you Nanny!" My mom smiled a smile that I hadn’t
seen in months. She even shed a small tear. She’s such a tough
cookie; she brushed it off and said, “Isn’t that a sweet thing for
you to say to me Sweet dreams to you, too.”
She turned around and worked her way back upstairs, yet I detected
a bit more spring in her shuffle and that grin on her face was
more than telling. I felt vindicated. We all belonged together during
this rough transition and I felt great to have immobilized such
an undertaking.
Among the nearly seventy-five million elderly in the U.S. today,
more than seventy percent wish to remain in their own homes as
they age, according to a study by AARP. Why not For most seniors,
their homes have been a place of warm memories and basic
comfort for many decades. It’s where children were raised, family
dinners were served, and holidays and special occasions were celebrated.
In reality, upheaval of an elderly parent can lead to even
more severe depression – loss on top of loss if you will.
Thinking of moving back in with a parent Here
are five really good conversation starters:
• Mom/Dad, do you ever get lonely from time to time
• Mom/Dad, do you find it hard to keep up with bills – medical or
otherwise
• What did you have for dinner last night And the night before
that
• How would you like some company – for a while
• Is there a way that I could help you from day to day with errands
and maintaining the house
• Check your parent’s insurance coverage. Make sure that your
parents have both Medicare and Medigap health coverage, as well
as prescription coverage. Some people think that having just
Medicare A & B is sufficient. It isn’t. Your parents need Medigap
(or Medicare Advantage) to supplement, plus another policy to
cover prescriptions (for those who do not have an Advantage program).
• Hold a family meeting. Everyone will want to know what his or
her new roles and responsibilities are. You don’t want to get into
an authority struggle either (i.e. “But Nanny says it’s okay!”).
• Try extra hard to have a weekly date night, even if it’s at home!
Pay attention to the romantic needs of your spouse and get creative
about alone time. The last time you lived with a parent may have
been your teenage years when a whole host of rules applied – but
most of them are now out the window.
• Create a central message board/calendar for everyone to see.
Missing carpools Forgot about that dentist appointment The
garbage didn’t go to the curb again Invest in a dry-erase board
and assign everyone a different sticky color. It works, trust me!
Keep organized in order to keep sane.
• Don’t sabotage your own health needs! Keep on keeping on that
diet path and don’t neglect the gym! It’s easy to make excuses
when your responsibilities to others increase but when you’re
stressed out you need to work out the most! Even going for a routine
walk will help you de-stress from the daily grind. This is an
activity that young and old can enjoy together. Heck, just go
around the block once or twice to get started!
I know it’s going to be a while until we get in a good family
groove. I’m not setting high expectations. Each night when I look
out the window and stare at the big weeping willow tree I think
about my own family tree and how strong our roots are. It’s funny;
my mom raised me to be compassionate, caring and empathetic.
Maybe she knew that one day, I’d need those qualities to make a
big decision – the decision to come home again.
It’s winter! There’s no better time to get out there and smell logs
burning, check out a full moon, see your own breath. Embrace the
cold weather and a new exercise regimen! Don’t wait ‘til January
to make your resolutions! There’s also no better time to put the
Mom back in the MOMent. Don’t wait until Mother’s Day to tell
your mom how you feel.
Best Wishes!
If you’ve made the decision to move back in with
your parent and all parties agree and are committed
to this life change, here are some points to consider:
• For seniors, routine is everything. Don’t try to take away ALL
the household chores It’s important to keep that sense of purpose
intact.
8 I PhillyFIT
November/December I 215-396-0268 I www.phillyfitmagazine.com