When I Grow Up - Triple Threat Theatre

Song: Free to be... Me!
When I Grow Up
(in the classroom, all students and speakers are assembled for Career Day kick-off and introductions)
Teacher: (exuberant) Students, and special guests, Welcome to Career Day at St. Michael School. In a few
moments, we'll head off to our workshops and explore the exciting, world of work! ( some
cheers, some groans) There are so many choices out there, you can be whatever you
choose. Just be the best you can be and nobody can stop you. Now, let's show our respect
and appreciation to our Career Day leaders: Mr. Romondough, the baker, Mrs. Pipes, the
plumber, Mrs. Boarding, the engineer, Mr. Bo Saddlesore, the cowboy, and... hmm... I
don't see our very special guest. She's a star of.... er-local-stage and screen, well I'm sure
she'll turn up, Miss Scarlet Curtain. (polite applause from students)
(The Star bursts in, in a huff)
Star: Makeup! I need makeup! Where's my agent?! Makeup! Please, I've got a show to
do!
Teacher: (fawning) Miss Curtain! Let me help you out with that! Come with me!
( They exit, along with future starlets.)
St. Baker 1: Gosh, this career day is really making my head spin!
St. Baker 2: Mine too! There are so many choices to make that I don't know where to begin! I thought
maybe a sailor might be my calling.
St. Baker 3: Gee, I don't know... I get sea sick just thinking about my rubber ducky!
Plumber: Flush that sailor nonsense, kiddo! Get yourself a good plunger, a couple of copper pipes and
some hip-huggers. Become a plumber, and you'll make the whole world run more smoothly,
if you know what I mean, yuck yuck!
St. Baker 4: A plumber? Gosh, I never even considered being a plumber. It does
sound like fun, though, maybe I...
St. Baker 5: Maybe I’ll be a lawyer, or a doctor, or a teacher. Yeah a teacher that doesn’t give out
homework and has phys ed every day. Yeah…….
St. Baker 6: Wow! All this talk about jobs and work is making me hungry!
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St. Baker 7: But _____________ , you're always hungry!
St. Baker 6: I know, and I never seem to get enough to eat! The other day I asked my mom for a piece of
pie. She said, "No, two pieces of pie is enough." I don't know how she expects me to eat right,
if she won't let me practice!
St. Baker 8: Grown-ups! Anyway, have you thought about what you are going to be when you
grow up?
Student 5: You mean you have to ask?
Song: I Wanna Be A Baker
Baker: Students, being a baker is a very rewarding career. There's nothing quite like the smile on a
child's face when he bites into a raspberry danish, or a chocolate chip cookie, (dreamily)
or one of my special monster -sized macaroons.
Student bakers: Mmmmmm!
Baker: So... are there any questions? Or have I made you all too hungry?
St. Baker 1: Mr. Romondough, will I need a university education to be a baker? It’s not too late for
my parents to start putting away money into an RESP, is it? How much dough should I
sock away before I can really earn some bread being a baker? Ha ha ha, dough…bread!
Get it?
St. Baker 2: Please excuse my classmate’s juvenile sense of humour. Unfortunately, there’s
nobody here representing clown school! How about a small business diploma, Mr.
Romandough, sir? Do you need one of those if you want to run your own bakery?
St. Baker 3: What are the working conditions like for a baker? Is it true you have to get up really early to
make the donuts? And who cleans the ovens? I made my mom a birthday cake last
week, and she says after three cans of Easy Off, it’s still not clean. Do bakers have
assistants?
St. Baker 4: What about those cool, puffy hats, all those white aprons, and oven mitts? Wooden spoons
and bowls? Cookie sheets and cake pans? Flour, sugar, vanilla and eggs? Do you have to buy
all those things yourself? It sounds like too much shopping, if you ask me!
St. Baker 5: Mr. Romondough, I'd like to know about recipes. Does a baker use his own recipes, or his
mother's? What about secret recipes? If you use a secret recipe, do you have to list
all the ingredients, because then, guess what? No more secret!
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St. Baker 6: Did you bring any samples of those monster-sized macaroons that you were mentioning
earlier? You also said something about cookies and danishes. Pretty please?
St. Baker 7: You said being a baker is a very rewarding career, but how rewarding is it, Mr.
Romondough? Can I expect a six-figure income? Do bakers have a retirement plan,
or dental coverage? Is there a bakers’ union? What are the fringe benefits?
St. Baker 8: You get to eat all the goodies you want! (Dopey laugh) Seriously, though, what kind
of keys do bakers carry?
Baker: Keys? I don’t understand! (Confused)
St. Baker 8: Coo-kies, of course! Do you get it? (Students laugh.) Why did the mother cookie
take her baby to the hospital? Because he felt crummy!
Baker: Maybe it’s time for those macaroons, kids!
(Students and plumber are examining tools during the presentation, passing them along like to a doctor
in surgery)
Plumber: Like a surgeon, a plumber uses extremely specialized tools, to perform repairs and
improvements that make the average Joe, or Jane, a little uncomfortable. It's a real handson
profession. So, are you ready to put your hands on? Let’s get started. Somebody
pass me the plunger.
PI Student 1: Plunger. Ewwww! Where has this been? On second thought, I don’t want to know.
Shouldn't you be wearing gloves, Mrs. Pipes? May I please be excused to
wash my hands?
Plumber: Pipe wrench, please.
PI Student 2: Pipe wrench? Let me check in your toolbox. Look at all these tools! How do you keep them all
straight? Hmmm… pipe wrench. I think it's this one. It sure is heavy!
Plumber: Hand me that washer, will you?
PI Student 3: Washer? Like a dishwasher? There's one in the staff room. I know, because I had to unload it
today during my detention! It was filled with coffee cups! How much coffee do those
teachers drink, anyway? If you want me to get the dishwasher, I’ll need a little help.
PI Student 4: Not the dish-washer! She's talking about that rubbery thing there. I'll get it.
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Plumber: I think I'm going to need the snake...
PI Student 5: (Screams) Ahhh! I hate snakes! One time, when we were camping, a water snake…
PI Student 6: It's not that kind of snake: a plumber's snake isn't scary. You feed it through the pipes
when they're plugged up. My dad has one. We need it because my little brother is always
throwing stuff in the toilet. Last week, it was his socks!
Pl Student 5: So, a plumber’s snake goes through pipes, and toilets? Ewww! I think I prefer the water
snake from camping. Can somebody else pass that icky thing to Mrs. Pipes, please? Hey.,
I’ll bet you never see a plumber biting his fingernails!
PI Student 7: Your toolbox is a Home Depot dream- come-true! Do you get the contractor discount?
You've got everything in here, but the kitchen sink. Hey, do you know what they call a
highly skilled plumber?.... A drain surgeon!
PI Student 8: Ha, ha. A drain surgeon, that’s a good one! I must admit this does sort of look like
an operation. The pipes are like blood vessels, and the water is like blood.
Pl Student 4: My dad says plumbers earn a good living. I know because we had a plumber come to fix
our sump pump last week. The bill was $ 300 for half an hour of work . My dad said he
didn’t earn that kind of wage—and he’s a doctor!
Pl Student 2: What did the plumber say about that?
Pl Student 4: He said, he didn’t earn that kind of money either … when he was a doctor!
Pl Student 1: Speaking of doctors, do you know when they really get angry?
Pl Student 2: I’m almost afraid to ask. Okay, when do doctors get really angry?
Pl Student 1: When they run out of patients!
Pl Student 6: Mrs. Pipes? Thanks for being so patient with us. Plumbing seems to be very hard work. Is
there anything we can do to help you? Can I pass you this thingamajig here, or some other
doohickey?
Pl Student 3: She’s too busy to even hear us. Let’s see if I can move her presentation along while she’s
finishing up. (Student finds some notes in the toolbox) Okay. “Plumbers work in new
construction, home renovations, troubleshooting and repairs…”
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Pl Student 7: (Snatches away the paper, and reads) Plumbing is among the most specialized and
respected skills sets in the building trades. Yadda, yadda, yadda, if you can use simple tools,
enjoy working with your hands and are motivated to succeed, this might be the career
path for you. Questions, anyone?
Pl Student 1: Is it recess time yet?
Plumber: Well, that should just about do it! (Makes final adjustment) Turn it on will you? (water
shoots up, everyone groans)
Pl Student 8: Mrs. Pipes, do you have a 24 hour emergency service number? I hope so, because I
think you can expect a call from the principal later. You see, that __________ was in
perfect working order before you started your demonstration.
PI Student 4: Well I guess this particular operation was not a total success for our visiting drain
surgeon.
PI Student 5: Yeah, you might say this patient has died.
Pl Student 2: It’s not dead yet. There’s still some hope that it can be saved!
Pl Student 5: How can you be so sure?
Pl Student 2: Are you kidding? Plumbers get paid by the hour!
Song: It's a Great Thing to be a Plumber
(The Star students are surrounding Miss Curtain)
Star Student 1: Miss Curtain, do your fans always hound you for autographs? Do the paparazzi stalk
you, to take your picture? Have you ever been on the cover of People
magazine…not including the worst dressed list, or course. I think I saw you in the
Star Weekly once. If I remember correctly, they reported that you were dating a
space alien. It must be difficult being a celebrity!
Star Student 2: Miss Curtain, have you ever worked with any really famous actors or singers, like
Hannah Montana?
Star Student 3: Hanna Montana isn’t her real name! It’s the name of her TV character. She’s
really Destiny Hope Cyrus, and her nickname is Miley. I read it at Miley Cyrus
dot com. Apparently she’s Billy Ray Cyrus’ daughter. My mom says it’s probably
breaking his ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ that Miley’s more popular than he ever was,
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at least with tweens. Miss Curtain, do you have a web site for your fans?
Star Student 4: Miss Curtain, have you ever been in a real Hollywood movie? With magnificent
costumes, makeup, opulent sets, fancy parties with other famous actors, your own
trailer, with a star on the door…? That's what I've always dreamed of .
Star: Most actors dream of that. Just remember: Stardom doesn't happen overnight. If you
want to be a star, you have to pay your dues.
Star Student 4: I’m not sure I understand. What do you mean, "pay your dues" ?
Star: Well… there’s McDonald's, Wendy's, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell...
Star Student 2: Wow! That’s really impressive! You've done commercials for all those restaurants?
Star: Commercials? Heck, no! I've worked in all those restaurants. My shift at Burger King
starts at 6.
Star Student 5: Hey, want to know how to really tick off your waiter, when you’re in Hollywood?
Star Student 7: I’m not sure I do.
Star Student 5: Ask him, “Excuse me, are you a really bad actor, or a really bad singer?”
Star Student 4: Miss Curtain, what do you think about TV show contests, like Canadian Idol, or So
You Think You Can Dance?
Star Student 5: Surely some of those people haven’t ‘paid their dues’. Unless Karaoke, choir, and
dance recitals count.
Star Student 2: What are your special talents, Miss Curtain? I know you’re famous around our little
town. Do you sing, dance and act?
Star Student 8: Are you a triple threat, Miss Curtain? You certainly are glamorous enough to be one!
Star Student 6: You sure do look familiar, Miss Curtain. If you haven't been in a movie, then where do I
know you from? Maybe from a TV show. Have you been on That’s So Raven, or
The Suite Life of Zach and Cody? I watch a lot of reality TV. Did you get voted
off the island, on Survivor?
Star: Does this sound familiar: “Would you like fries with that? “
Star Student 6: No, it’s not that! I’ve seen you in something.
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Star Student 7: Hey! I’ve got it! Remember that bus safety video we saw in September? The
one about the danger zones. Were you in that?
Star: It was my shining moment! You're looking at... the bus driver!
Star Student 5: So, I’m guessing, you don’t have a fan club, or a trailer with a star on the door.
Star Student 7: Gee, Miss Curtain, you were great in that! That little wave you did, to signal the
students that it was safe to cross in front of the bus… it was perfect. Just like a real
bus driver! It was very convincing.
Star Student 8: Miss Curtain, somebody with your talent has no where to go but up! Your star will
certainly rise. Think of the possibilities, public service announcements, appearances
at local events, and don’t forget: Rock’N’Bowl has Karaoke on Fridays! (Cheers and
encouragement from the students)
Star Student 8: (aside) I was going to ask for her autograph, but now I don’t really know.
All Star Students: Can I have your autograph?
Song: I Wanna Be A Star
(Full Cast assembles with teacher, for her Career Day wrap –up)
Teacher: It has been a truly enjoyable Career Day. Students, let's show our appreciation to our
special guests. (Polite applause) Are there any last words?
St. Baker 3: All these careers sound so exciting, but I s t i l l have no idea what I'm going to be when
I grow up!
St. Baker 1: I wanna be a bum!
All: We know! We know!
Star Student 2: I guess that the moral of the story is, that whatever you want to be in life... a cowboy, an
engineer, or even a movie star, you should do your very best.
Reprise: Free to be Me!
SONGS
SONG #1. Free to Be…Me!
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When I grow up I wan-na be__ the very best that I can be.
To do the work that's got- to be done, I'll find a job that's lot's of fun.
When I grow up to pay the rent,__ I might just be the pres-i-dent
A doc – for or a nurse I'll be, just choos - in' what comes nat-ur'lly
I'm free, free to be me! _ I'm free, free to be me!
Anything I wanna be, I’m free, free to be me.
When I grow up I'll get a gig. It might be small it might be big.
It's a land of op-po-to-ni-ty in a world of pos –si-bil -i-ty.
An as-tro-naut can go to the moon, (Spoken Solo) A security guard can sleep till noon!
A farm-er works all day in the corn. A cab dri-ver gets to honk his/her horn.
I'm free, free to be me! _ I'm free, free to be me!
Anything I wanna be, I’m free, free to be me.
I wanna be a banker._ I wan na be a lawyer._ I wanna be barber
(Comic Character) I wanna be a bum!
I wanna be a teacher._ I wanna be a preacher._ I wanna be a star in a double feature.
(Comic Character) I wanna be a bum!
(Spoken Solos) 1. I wanna be a lion tamer. 2. I wanna be a coach. 3. I wanna be a fireman (woman)
4. A secretary. 5. A designer. 6. A sanitary engineer. (Comic Character) I wanna be a bum!
7. I wanna be a basketball player! 9. Y wanna be a computer analust. 10. A psychiatrist!
11. Aflorist. 12. A choreographer. 13. An accountant (Comic Character) I wanna be a bum!.
I'm free!____ (free to be me) I'm free____(free to be me)
Anything I wanna be, I’m free, free to be me. REPEAT
(Comic Character) I wanna be a bum!.
SONG #2. I Wanna Be A Baker!
Bak - er, I wan - na be a bak - er, not a belly ach - er!
A bak - er, that's for me!
Do - nuts, I'll make a lot of do - nuts,
and we'll all just go nuts, 'cause that's the life for me!
Rise, we'll wait for all our bread to rise__________ and then
be- fore our very eyes___ there'll be a big sur - prise, oh ba - by!
Cake, lots of an - gel-food cake, oh, for good – ness sake! A cake is what I'll make.
Cook-ies, I love to dec-o-rate cook - ies. Have your-self a lit - tle look, please,
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at all the sprink-les on top.
Di – et___ I would-n't e - ven think to try it.
You might as well sim -ply ap - ply it___di-rect - ly to your thighs,___oh ba -by!
Bak - er, I wan-na be a\ bak - er, not a bel – ly ach - er!
A bak - er, that's for me! Oh, ba – by cakes!
SONG #3. It's a Great Thing To Be a Plumber
Solo 1: Hello Acme Plumbing _________ I've got a real mess here._________
can you come over right away?
Somebody please call a plumber, Something is clogging my drain. This
backup is really a bummer, This situation is really a pain.
This fellow wants a Jacuzzi. This lady wants a new sink.
This job is really a doozy! There's not even time for a plumber to think!
Oh it's a great, great thing to be a plumber! I can install a new shower. It's a
great thing to be a plumber, 'cause I get paid by the hour!
Oh it's a great, great thing to be a plumber! All of the gals (guys) will gush! It's a
great thing to be a plumber, and all your johns will flush!
Did somebody ask for a plunger? Do you need work on your pipes? All
we need is a sponge, sir, and we don't want any gripes.
If your faucet is dripping, you'd better call me first.
And if the temperature's dipping, all of your pipes might burst!
Oh it's a great, great thing to be a plumber! I can install a new shower. It's a
great thing to be a plumber, `cause I get paid by the hour!
Oh it's a great, great thing to be a plumber! All of the gals (guys) will gush!
Rub-a-dub, here's your brand new tub. Rink-a-dink-dink, here's your brand
new sink! Bub-ba-bub-boo your new commode too!
Oh, it's a great great thing to be a plumber. and all your johns, all your johns,
all your johns will flush!
SONG #4. I Wanna Be A Star
I wanna be a star. I wanna be a movie star I wanna walk right down Park Avenue and have all
the folks say, "How do you do."
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And I'll drive a big white car.
Cause I'll be a movie star.
I wanna be a dancer. Oh won't you give me a chance please sir I wanna glide a cross the
floor and hear the audience roar,
And I'll be a dynamite prancer
Please let me be a dancer.
She wants to be, she has to be a movie star.
He wants to be, he has to be a movie star
I wanna be a singer. I mean a real humdinger. So I could sing both high
and low and I'd put on a wonderful show and every note would be a
zinger.
If only I could be a singer.
She wants to be, she has to be a movie star.
He wants to be, he has to be a movie star
And I'd drive a big white car,
'cause I'll be a movie star.
I wanna be movie star. I wanna drive a big white car.
Tell all the folks I'm gonna go far, 'cause I'll be a movie star.
I'll be a movie star
Reprise: Free To be Me
I'm free, free to be me! - I'm free, free to be me! Anything I wanna be,
I'm free, free to be me.
I'm free, free to be me! - I'm free, free to be me! Anything I wa be, I'm
free, free to be me.
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