Grief: A Tangled Ball of Emotions... Grieving - Visiting Nurse Service ...

Hospice of Visiting Nurse Service
Spring 2008
Grief: A Tangled Ball of Emotions...
Grieving: A Process of Coping (Part II)
by Rochelle Sheppard, MA, LPCC-S, GC-C, CT, Spiritual Care and Bereavement Services Coordinator
Yesterday,
I viewed the
movie, P.S. I
Love You, based
on a book by
Cecelia Ahern.
The movie
depicts a young woman’s grief
journey through the first year
after her husband’s death. Holly,
the main character, experiences
a gamut of emotions while
coping with the death of her
spouse. The emotional roller
The third annual Camp Promise
will be offered by the Hospice of
VNS Center for Loss and Hope
June 23, 24 and 25 from 8 a.m.
- 4 p.m. The camp’s hours were
expanded this year due to popular
request. The free summer camp is
for children ages 6 - 11 who need
help processing a significant loss
(parent, grandparent, sibling...).
The children will learn to manage
and understand their grief
through creative activities such
as drama, music, art and sandtray
therapy. A staff of experienced
facilitators, including school
coaster experienced by this
main character seemed to mirror
the pain expressed by many
whom have shared with me
their pain after
loss. It is neither
unusual nor
incomprehensible
for us to
understand that
with the death
of a loved one
there will emerge
a great deal of
emotional pain.
“What matters is not what life does to you
but rather what you do with what life does to you.”
— Edgar Jackson
It is neither
unusual nor
incomprehensible
for us to
understand that
with the death of
a loved one there
will emerge a great
deal of emotional
pain.
Still Accepting Registrations for
Camp Promise: June 23-25
counselors and
bereavement
professionals,
will oversee the
children as they
go through the
creative stations.
There is no cost
for the program.
A morning snack,
boxed lunch and
afternoon snack
will be provided.
Camp Promise will be held at
the Hospice Care Center at 3358
Ridgewood Road in Fairlawn.
It is to be expected. The pain of
our loss floods every aspect of
our being. We may feel alone,
unprotected and unsafe. We may
find ourselves verbalizing
our grief with words like,
“How could this loss have
happened” or “It is so
unfair.” Every fiber of our
being screams out against
the loss. Oftentimes
we enter the grieving
process overwhelmed by
a barrage of feelings.
See Grief on Page 2
For more information or to
register a child, please contact
Rochelle Sheppard at 330-668-
4662 or 800-335-1455, Ext. 4662.

Bereavement Support • Spring 2008
Grief / Continued From Page 1
These same grief emotions are
felt when the relationship may
not have been as warm and
loving as we would have desired.
Grief emotions are not just felt
when a person was loved, but
often more
so, and more
intensely, when
love was rejected
or distant. Due
to the emotional
onslaught of
grief emotions,
we feel drained,
tired, confused,
frustrated and/
or disoriented,
coupled with
If we remain only
on the emotional
level of our loss
we remain passive
participants in
our grief and we
remain emotionally
connected to the
overwhelming pain
of loss.
a multitude of other emotions
in varying degrees of intensity.
However, experiencing these
multitude of feelings is not the
process of grieving. This is our
feeling witnessing to our loss.
Therefore, the process of
grieving is to enter into the
work of grieving. Grief work is
our active involvement in the
unfolding changes resulting
from the death; along with the
many consequences experienced
by the bereaved as a
result of the death. If
we remain only on the
emotional level of our
loss we remain passive
participants in our
grief and we remain
emotionally connected to
the overwhelming pain
of the loss. If grief work
is to be active it requires
engaging the whole person,
physical, mental, behavioral,
spiritual and emotional, into the
on-going challenges of coping
with the loss. The wisdom of P.S.
I Love You is the way in which the
deceased husband goes about
helping his wife engage in the
work of grief, thereby helping
her cope and adjust to his death
and her ongoing life
without him. While
each grief journey is
uniquely different, the
process of grieving is to
remain actively engaged
while learning to
accommodate loss into
our life. Integrating loss
into our daily life is not
easy, as fellow bereaved
will tell you. In his book,
How We Grieve, Thomas
Attig states,
“We do not remain passive but
rather actively engage the
challenges presented by
our longing for, and need
to let go of, those we care
about. We struggle to find
means of overcoming,
gaining control of, or
constructively expressing
and directing our
emotions. We work
our way through crises
in self-identity and
disruptions in our usual
behavior patterns and
develop alternatives.
We address and seek
to overcome strains in
relationships and to
build new ones. And
we seek ways to make
sense of our new reality
and to find meaning in
life without the deceased.”
Page 2
This is active grieving – longing
and yet learning to let go, having
control and yet losing control,
overwhelming emotions and
yet constructively expressing
emotions, surrendering what
was to what is now, learning
to find peace in the midst of
pain. Coping and
adjusting to these
are the important
aspects of active
grieving; along
with being fully
engaged as we
grieve and as we
move in and out
of our grief on an
emotional level
as well as a physical, spiritual,
intellectual, and behavioral level.
The process of adjusting to loss
and learning to integrate our loss
into our daily life is on-going and
will continue until the day we die.

Bereavement Support • Spring 2008
Untitled
by Maureen J. McCardel*
I have loved you in the darkness of the dawn
In the fleeting shadows of daybreak
I have loved you in the brightness of twilight
In the lingering rays of nightfall
I have loved you in the dryness of the rain
When the raindrops stir the dust
I have love you in the moisture of the sunshine
That hangs heavy in the air of summer
I have loved you in the warmth of the winter
And the falling leaves of spring
I have loved you in the overcrowded loneliness
And deep in the solitary crowd
I have loved you amidst the contradictions
Despite the naysayers and optimists
And you have lived in my heart in death
And I die in living without you
Crazy
by Maureen J. McCardel*
In the crazy hours I can hear your voice
And smell your smell
And feel your touch
In the crazy hours you are near
You love me still
My fears are hushed
In the crazy hours you never left
I can see your laugh
I taste your smile
In the crazy hours I’m right as rain
And happy too
For a little while
But the crazy hours, they fade away
The truth sets in
I feel the pain
And I grieve sanely till the crazy comes
To save my soul
Once again
*Editor’s Note: Maureen McCardel is a resident of Akron who has been helped by Hospice of VNS’ Center
for Loss and Hope. She gave permission to share these poems with Bereavement Support readers.
Bereavement Support
Hospice and Palliative Care of Visiting Nurse Service
Can You
Help
Bereavement Support is a community newsletter
published by the Communications Department of
Hospice and Palliative Care of Visiting Nurse Service,
#1 Home Care Place, Akron, OH 44320,
330-745-1601, 800-362-0031, www.vnsa.com
© 2008 Hospice and Palliative Care of Visiting Nurse
Service. All rights reserved.
President, Karen L. Talbott
Bereavement Coordinator, Rochelle Sheppard,
MA, LPCC-S, GC-C, CT
Editor, Kelly Ward-Smith, Communications
Specialist
As a nonprofit organization, Hospice and Palliative
Care of Visiting Nurse Service relies on the
community to support the development of new
patient care programs and the delivery of hospice
care to those who are unable to pay for their care.
Gifts to Hospice and Palliative Care of Visiting Nurse
Service can be made in a number of ways. For more
information, contact the Development Office at
800-335-1455.
For more information about our bereavement
support services, or about hospice care, call your
local Hospice and Palliative Care of VNS office:
Summit and Medina 330-665-1455
Portage 330-677-4666
Stark 330-834-3484
Hospice and Palliative Care of Visiting Nurse Service
is a nonprofit, Medicare-certified agency, and is a
member of the National Hospice and Palliative Care
Organization and the Ohio Hospice Organization.
You have the right to request that we not send
you any future fund raising materials, and we will
use our best efforts to honor such request. You
may make the request by sending your name and
address to Hospice of Visiting Nurse Service, Attn:
Development Office, at 3358 Ridgewood Road,
Akron, OH 44333, together with your request to be
removed from our fund raising mailing and contact
lists.
Page 3
Yes, I would like to help make
bereavement services available for
grieving adults and children in our
community.
My Name:____________________________
Address:_____________________________
City: _____________ State:____ Zip:______
Accept my tax-deductible gift of:
p $25 p $50 p $100
p $250 p $500 p $______
Please return this coupon with your
check to:
Hospice of Visiting Nurse Service
3358 Ridgewood Road
Akron, Ohio 44333
Thank you!

Calendar of Grief Support
Hospice & Palliative Care of Visiting Nurse Service provides
bereavement support programs in group settings for those in our
community who have experienced a loss. There is no cost for these
programs. If you would prefer to talk with someone individually,
please call for an appointment. Evening appointments are possible.
All sessions meet at the Hospice of Visiting Nurse Service Justin T.
Rogers Care Center, 3358 Ridgewood Road, Akron, unless otherwise
noted. Some support groups/programs require registration.
For more information, to register, or to schedule an individual
appointment, please call 330-668-4662 or 800-335-1455, Ext. 4662.
TRUSTED SHARING SUPPORT GROUP SERIES
An eight-week series for adults who wish to learn what
they might experience during the grieving process. Group
members share their stories, emotions, victories and hopes.
Group members can expect to receive loving support from
group leaders, information on the grieving process, and tools
for handling the normal grief response. The next series will be
held for 8 weeks beginning on Thursday, September 4 from 2 - 4
p.m. or 6:30 - 8:30 p.m.
HEALING JOURNEY SUPPORT GROUP
A six-week series focusing on rebuilding life and incorporating
hope after the death of a loved one. Group members will
help normalize the grief experience through camaraderie
On a regular basis we update our mailing list. Each month we take off
persons who have been on the mailing list for two years. If you have been
receiving the Hospice and Palliative Care of Visiting Nurse Service Center for
Loss & Hope mailings since April 2006, you will be taken off this year.
with each other, the sharing of feelings/stories, support and
providing an incentive to make new friends and develop
new interests as soon as they are able. The next series will be
held for 8 weeks beginning on Tuesday, July 8 from 2 - 4 p.m. or
6:30 - 8:30 p.m.
MOVING ON SUPPORT GROUP
This once a month series focuses on supporting those
who are moving along the journey of grief and are now
beginning to incorporate new behaviors in their lives as
they attempt to create their “new normal.” Group meets the
second Wednesday of each month at 2 - 3:30 p.m. or
6 - 7:30 p.m.
MOVING ON FAMILY SUPPORT SERIES
A six-week program for adults with children under 18
years of age. The focus of this support series is to address
communication challenges, family identity, and to help
focus on the actual loss for each family member. A certified
sandtray therapist works with the children to help them
express memories and feelings tied to the loss. Call for dates
of the next series.
INDIVIDUAL GRIEF COUNSELING
One-on-one grief counseling is an option for individuals
who either need more privacy in expressing their reaction
to loss or who are unable to attend group meetings. Call for
more information.
If you wish to continue to receive these mailings, please call and let us
know. We will be glad to keep you on the list. Please notify us at
330-665-1455 or 1-800-335-1455.
HOSPICE AND PALLIATIVE CARE OF VISITING NURSE SERVICE
CENTER FOR LOSS AND HOPE
3358 RIDGEWOOD ROAD
AKRON OH 44333-3118
NONPROFIT ORG.
US POSTAGE
PAID
AKRON OH
PERMIT NO 762