Maggie Hodgson - Speaking My Truth

Things became heated and I said to her, “You would have made a good
Indian Agent in the 1950s!” On thinking about my cruel statement later, I
realized how I had abused her as I and many of our people had been abused
historically. In my traditional ceremony of the Potlatch, when we wrong
people, we have to gift them, along with all of our clan members who have
to gift them as well. It is intended to teach about respect, and it also teaches
that abuse not only hurts the person but also the collective. I had affected
her spirit so, at the next staff meeting, I brought a blanket to give to her and
I asked her to forgive me for being so unkind with my words. Coming from
a different culture, she thought it was not necessary for me to give her a gift
since I had apologized. In fact, I had not apologized in the Western way of
doing things, I had acknowledged that my words had affected her spirit. The
gift was to acknowledge the spiritual effect of the unkindness. While I do not
live within my region where Potlatches are held, I bring my potlatch with me
and I work at ensuring that I acknowledge it when I am disrespectful of my
co-workers. You know, when you have to buy enough blankets and quilts, it
brings to mind to keep yourself in a more respectful way and to treat others with
the respect that you expect from them.
Large systems do not encourage people to take responsibility. When the upset
takes place within a large forum, most often, if people apologize, they do it
in a small corner where no one else can hear them. Taking responsibility
within ceremony has taught me to embrace the teachings of those important
ceremonies that were outlawed by Canada at one time. It has also taught me
that I need to teach my grandchildren with my words.
Often in the Western Christian world when people make a poor choice that
affects other people, they refer to it as sin. In our community, the old people
refer to it as “Mistake.” Mistake is less laden with guilt and more conducive to
owning responsibility for one’s actions. This attitudinal choice of “Mistake” is
more of a traditional thought than the Western world view where blame and
sin comes from.
I was at a meeting with a residential school Survivors’ group when a person
from a political group started to attack me and my co-worker. We were all
Aboriginal. He indicated that the only Aboriginal people who worked at
IRSRC were apple Indians who sold out our people. He did this with hatred
in his eyes, with a loud tone to his voice, and with his finger pointing up
and down to emphasize his anger. His words burned into my spirit until my
spirit bled with tears that did not show themselves in my eyes. I replied that
I had worked on the residential school issue since 1985 when I was trying to
get Health Canada to understand why there needed to be more resources to
deal with residential school trauma. I had worked on the St. George’s trial
From Truth to Reconciliation | 373