May 2008 - District 73 Toastmasters

Empower by Listening by Graham Howes DTM
“The greatest motivational act one person can do for
another is to listen.” – Author unknown
Jill, a manager keen to improve her communication
skills, set a goal for listening. The goal was to “only
acknowledge people after they spoke”. She was
only to say more if asked a question.
Jill soon realised that she was not listening as well
as she thought, noting she was concentrating on
responses, judging, thinking about other things or
bored well before the speaker had finished speaking.
After Jill’s realisation, her focus on keeping a clear
and open mind improved... but it was not easy.
As time went by, her listening skills started to pay
dividends personally and for her team.
Jill shared that by truly listening, her relationships
improved and so too her energy levels. She
explained briefly and passed on a few tips:
Firstly – the relationships improved because
listening shows you care and builds self esteem.
This leads to trust and confidence which empowers
people to take responsibility. This leads to action
which greatly improves relationships.
Secondly – the energy levels improved as Jill was
empowering people. She realised that when people
speak, more often than not they are sharing and not
after solutions, so one can just listen and relax.
Truly listening involves:
• Not asking the speaker if it’s important
• Writing down what’s pressing to help clear your
mind
• Using friendly body language and facial
expressions.
• Not interrupting, consider taking notes however
ask permission
• Avoiding any interruptions and if not possible
inform your colleague
• Selecting a location where the discussion will
not be interrupted. This is a very powerful way of
indicating you intentions. Check if it is alright with
the other person
• Informing your colleague that they have your
attention
• Thanking the speaker for their time and the
information shared
If a response is required, consider:
• Permission to seek clarification or to ask
question(s)
• The language used: ideally use similar words and
phrases shared by your college, ask for clarification
as to whether your understandings are what was
meant
• Respond in a non judgmental manner
• Endeavour to allow your colleague to discover the
best outcome for themself
A few tips for a speaker:
• Assess the best method for all in conveying
your message: i.e. verbal, email or a note etc.
Remember you are after a specific outcome
• Ask the person when would be a good time talk
• What is the best time to approach / ask to speak to
someone, noting 5 minutes from lunch or home
time may inhibit your message being heard
• Be specific
• Be aware of the time
“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”
– Winston Churchill
n Graham Howes is a member of Ringwood Toastmasters
d73.toastmasters.org.au
Edition 46 • May 2008
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