Adolescent to Parent Abuse Fact Sheet (Full Version)
Adolescent to Parent Abuse Fact Sheet (Full Version)
Adolescent to Parent Abuse Fact Sheet (Full Version)
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<strong>Adolescent</strong>-<strong>to</strong>-parentabuse-thefacts<br />
Whatisadolescent-<strong>to</strong>-parentviolence<br />
<strong>Adolescent</strong>-<strong>to</strong>-parentabuseisanybehaviourusedbyayoungperson<strong>to</strong>control,dominateor<br />
coerceparents.Itisintended<strong>to</strong>threatenandintimidateandputsfamilysafetyatrisk.<br />
Whilstitisnormalforadolescents<strong>to</strong>demonstratehealthyanger,conflictand<br />
frustrationduringtheirtransitionfrom childhood<strong>to</strong>adulthood,angershouldnotbeconfusedwith<br />
violence.Violenceisaboutarangeofbehaviours,includingnon-physicalacts,aimedatachieving<br />
on-goingcontroloveranotherpersonbyinstilingfear.<br />
Mostabusedparentshavedificultyadmitingeven<strong>to</strong>themselvesthattheirchildisabusive.They<br />
feelashamed,disappointedandhumiliatedandblamethemselvesforthesituationwhichhasled<strong>to</strong><br />
thisimbalanceofpower.Thereisalsoanelemen<strong>to</strong>fdenialwhereparentsconvincethemselves<br />
thattheirsonordaughter’sbehaviourispar<strong>to</strong>fnormaladolescentconduct.<br />
“Adolescence”isdefinedasbetween10-19yearsand“youth”between15-24.Because<br />
ofthecomplexbiologicalandsocio-culturalconditionsassociatedwiththesetwoage<br />
groupstheyareoftencombined<strong>to</strong>represent“youngpeople”.(WHO,2006)<br />
Sowhatsor<strong>to</strong>fbehaviourcouldbeconsideredabusive<br />
<strong>Abuse</strong>isbroadlyconfined<strong>to</strong>threecategories–verbal,emotional/psychological,andphysical<br />
Verbalabuse:<br />
•Yeling,screamingandswearinginanabusivemanner<br />
•Makingintimidatingcomments<br />
Psychologicalabuse:<br />
•Playingmindgames– threatening<strong>to</strong>runaway,<br />
hurtthemselvesortelinglies<strong>to</strong>controlparents<br />
orthehousehold<br />
Physicalabuse:<br />
•Pushing<br />
•Hiting<br />
•Kicking<br />
•Throwingobjectsaroundthehouse<br />
•Breakingfamilyproperty<br />
•Hurtingfamilypets
HowdoIknowit’sabuseMaybeit’sjustnormaladolescentbehaviour<br />
•Behaviourisabusiveifyouarefearfulofyouradolescentandchangeyour<br />
behaviour<strong>to</strong>avoidconflict<br />
•Youfindyourself‘tip-<strong>to</strong>eing’aroundyouradolescent<br />
•Youareconstantlycreatingsituationsthatyouradolescentapprovesof<br />
•Youradolescentengagesin‘putdowns’,orbehaviourthathumiliatesand<br />
embarassesyou<br />
•Youradolescentthreatens<strong>to</strong>leavehome,hurtthemselvesorhurtanotherfamily<br />
memberifyoudonotcomplywiththeirwishes<br />
“Ihaveasevenyearoldwithaterminalilnessandanabusive17yearold.<br />
MyhusbandandIhaveseparated.Ican’tgetadomesticviolenceorderagainstmy<br />
sonbecausehe’saminorandhecan’tmoveoutforthesamereason.Iloveboth<br />
ofmysonsandwishIcouldgetsomehelpformyeldestbutheismuchbigger<br />
thanmeandcalsaltheshots”.<br />
Whatsor<strong>to</strong>ffamilieshaveabusiveadolescents<br />
•Loving,financialystable,twoparentfamilies<br />
•Singleparentfamilies–sometimesinresponse<strong>to</strong>motherstrying<strong>to</strong>makeupfor<br />
whattheadolescenthasmissed<br />
•Familieswhereadolescentshavebeenexposed<strong>to</strong>familyviolenceeither<br />
personalyorbeinginthehomeduringviolentepisodes<br />
•Familieswherethemotherhasbeenabusedbyapreviouspartner<br />
•Familieswhereparentshavedificultylimit-setingandadolescententitlement<br />
outweighsresponsibility<br />
“Ihadanabusivehusbandandnow myeldestsonisabusive<strong>to</strong>o.I’m woried<br />
thatifIgetYouthJusticeinvolvedIwilbecriticisedasabadparent.<br />
Therejustdoesn’tseem <strong>to</strong>beanywayout”.<br />
Whatanabusedparentmightbethinkingandfeeling<br />
•Iam <strong>to</strong>talyalone.Iam unable<strong>to</strong>sharethisproblem with<br />
evenmyclosestfriend<br />
•Ilovemyson/daughter,Ijustwanttheviolence<strong>to</strong>s<strong>to</strong>p<br />
•Ihavebeenunderminedbymyabusiveadolescentand<br />
losttherespec<strong>to</strong>ftheres<strong>to</strong>fmyfamily/friends<br />
•It’smyfault.He/sheismychildandIhavecreatedthis<br />
behaviour<br />
•HowcanIadmittha<strong>to</strong>neofmychildrenisabusingme<br />
Iam soashamed<br />
•I’m scared.Isthisapassingphase,orwilitgetworse<br />
•Ifeelpowerless.Ican’tseehowIcanfixthisproblem<br />
•Ican’ttrustmyownson/daughter.Ihave<strong>to</strong>hidemy<br />
waletandkeepmybedroom doorlockedatnight<br />
•Iam exhaustedanddepressed.WhocanIturn<strong>to</strong><br />
•I’m afailureasaparent
“Mysonwouldstealandselfamilybelongings<br />
<strong>to</strong>financehisdrughabit.Hewouldtrashthe<br />
familyhomeandthreatenmeandotherfamily<br />
memberswithfutureviolenceifhedidn’tget<br />
hisownway”.<br />
Whataparentwhoisexperiencingabuseshouldknow<br />
•Thereisnoexcuseforanytypeofabuse<br />
•Alcoholanddrugsareacatalyst<br />
•Youarenot<strong>to</strong>blame.Youradolescentisthepersonresponsiblefortheir<br />
violenceagainstyou<br />
•Thereisnosimpleanswer.Youwilneedsuppor<strong>to</strong>utsideofyourfamilyunit<br />
•Violence<strong>to</strong>wardyouandyourfamilymaynotbecontinuous.Afteraviolent<br />
episode,youradolescentmayberemorsefulandcooperativeuntilasituation<br />
sparksanotherviolentevent<br />
•Generaly,verbalviolenceincreasesorchanges<strong>to</strong>physicalabuseovertime<br />
•Trustyourinstincts–youknowifyouradolescent’sbehaviourisabusiveandyou<br />
andtheres<strong>to</strong>fyourfamilyareatrisk<br />
•Calingthepolicemaybeyourfirststepinpreventingfurtherabuse<strong>to</strong>yourselfand<br />
yourfamily.Namingtheabuseenablesyouandyouradolescent<strong>to</strong>obtainsupportandassistance<br />
•Violenceisacriminalofence<br />
•Thereisarangeofcounselingservicesthatarefamiliarwithadolescent-<strong>to</strong>parentabuseandable<strong>to</strong>assistyou(seeover)<br />
“Myson’sbehaviourwasveryviolent.Hewouldtrashourfamilyhome,misuse<br />
drugsandalcoholandthreatenalfamilymembers,includinghisbrotherandsister.<br />
Ispoke<strong>to</strong>dvconnectandtheygavemeacontactnumberforMensline.”<br />
Someideas<strong>to</strong>helpparentswhoarebeingabused<br />
•Haveasafetyplan–thatmaymeanhavingthepolicephonenumberkeyedin<strong>to</strong><br />
yourmobileorasecretcodeword<strong>to</strong>alertafriendthatyouareindanger<br />
•Don’tkeepyouradolescent’sabuseasecret–talk<strong>to</strong>theres<strong>to</strong>fyourfamilyso<br />
thatyouhaveasharedresponse<strong>to</strong>youradolescent’sabusivebehaviour<br />
•Findoutaboutcounselingservicesinyourarea.Ifonecounselordoesn’t<br />
provideyouwiththesupportyouneed,visitanother<br />
•Abusivebehaviouriscyclic.Learn<strong>to</strong>readthewarningsignalsandremoveother<br />
children<strong>to</strong>asaferplace<br />
•Don’ttakeresponsibilityfortheabuse.Protectingyourabusivechildmaycontribute<br />
<strong>to</strong>anescalationofviolence
Whocanhelp:<br />
<strong>Parent</strong>line 1300301300<br />
Available 8a.m.-10p.m.sevendaysaweek<br />
htp:/www.parentline.com.au<br />
dvconnect1800811811<br />
Available 24hoursaday,sevendaysaweek<br />
htp:/www.dvconnect.org/<br />
Kinections (07)34354300(Brisbane)<br />
Available9.00a.m.–8.00p.m.Monday–Thursday,<br />
9.00a.m.–5.00p.m.Friday<br />
htp:/www.kinections.com.au/<br />
RelationshipsAustralia 1300364277<br />
htp:/www.relationships.com.au/<br />
AboriginalandToresStraitIslanderWomen’s<br />
LegalandAdvocacyService Phone1800442450<br />
Lifeline 131114<br />
Available24hoursaday,sevendaysaweek<br />
htp:/www.lifeline.org.au/<br />
MensLineAustralia 1300789978<br />
Available24hoursadaysevendaysaweek<br />
htp:/www.menslineaus.org.au<br />
ImmigrantWomen’sSupportService<br />
(07)38463490(Brisbane)<br />
Available9.00-5.00Monday,Tuesday,<br />
ThursdayandFriday.htp:/www.iwss.org.au<br />
Alcohol&DrugInformationService<br />
1800177833<br />
Available24hoursaday-7daysaweek<br />
Police 000<br />
LegalAidQueensland Women’sLegalAid -Ph1300651188Available8.00a.m.–5.30p.m<br />
htp:/www.legalaid.qld.gov.au/Women/Womens+Legal+Aid.htm<br />
Women’sLegalService (07)33920670or1800677278outsideBrisbane<br />
AvailableMonday–Friday9.30a.m.–1p.m.and<br />
Monday,WednesdayandThursday6.30p.m.–7.30p.m<br />
htp:/www.wlsq.org.au/<br />
Furtherinformation:<br />
1.<strong>Adolescent</strong><strong>to</strong>parentabuse:anoverview<br />
Availableathtp:/www.noviolence.com.au/public/newsleters/readersep2008.pdf<br />
2.<strong>Parent</strong>sVictimisedbytheirChildrenbyEddieGalagher<br />
Availableathtp:/eddiegalagher.id.au/<br />
3.InnerSouthCommunityHealthService“<strong>Adolescent</strong>violence<strong>to</strong>parents”<br />
Availableathtp:/www.ischs.org.au/portals/0/documents/It%20al%20starts%20at%20home.pdf<br />
4.AustralianBroadcastingCorporation(ABC)2008,“Statisticsshowchildrenassaultingparents”<br />
The7.30Report,29/07/2008<br />
Availableathtp:/www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2008/s2318184.htm<br />
TheQueenslandCentreforDomesticandFamilyViolenceResearch(CDFVR)receivesdefinedterm fundingfrom the<br />
QueenslandDepartmen<strong>to</strong>fCommunities<strong>to</strong>undertakeresearchanddevelopeducationalresourcespertaining<strong>to</strong><br />
domesticandfamilyviolenceinQueensland.<br />
Copyright©2009QueenslandCentreforDomesticandFamilyViolenceResearch
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