Does God want to run my life? By Tony Stoltzfus - Coach22

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Does God want to run my life?
By Tony Stoltzfus
A few months ago I was asked a profound
question that has implications for our understanding of the
way God works in our lives, and spills over into the way
we approach our coaching relationships. The question
was, “If coaching (asking and not telling) really works,
and God does what works—why would God ever tell us to
do anything?” To answer the question, I referenced the
New Testament Book of James:
“Where do wars and fights come from among
you? Do they not come from your desires for
pleasure that war in your members? You lust and
do not have. You murder and covet and cannot
obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have
because you do not ask. You ask and do not
receive, because you ask amiss, that you may
spend it on your pleasures.” (James 4:1-3; NKJV)
The Source of our Conflicts
My understanding of James 4:1 is that the source
of a lot of the conflict (and by extension sin) in our lives is our passions (pleasures) at
war in our inner lives (our members). In other words, we have deep desires for things like
love, significance and recognition that are rooted in our humanness. They are powerful
desires, part of our God-designed makeup.
These passions are not necessarily negative; for instance, the same word James
uses for “desire” is used in Jesus’ prayer in John 17:4. But, what James is saying is when
these passions run amuck they cause all kinds of problems. James’ solution to the
problem in verse two is interesting: you don't experience desire fulfilled because you
don't ask.
This makes sense when you realize James is talking about desires themselves—
that are designed to be fulfilled in our relationship with God—not through material things
we want. James 4:3 addresses this directly: “you ask and do not receive because you ask
amiss [wrongly], to spend it on your pleasures.” The Greek word for pleasures is
hedoni—the root word of "hedonism".
In other words, we are meant to ask God directly for love and fulfillment and
honor, and we will experience it within our relationship with him, and our desires will be
fulfilled. But our tendency is to attach our hearts to the objects in this world—money, or
a career, or finding a marriage partner, etc.—that we think will meet those desires.
© Coach22, 2012 All Rights Reserved | www.Coach22.com | 530-247-1313 | Tony@Coach22.com

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Instead of praying, "God, what do you love about me?" and experiencing his
loving response, we pray, "God, if you would just give me the wife you have for me, then
I will be happy." We substitute the created for the creator—an object we think will fill
our desires but never can—for the true love we can endlessly taste in relationship with
Jesus. To be really blunt, what we often pray is, "God, if you will give me this idol then I
will be filled by it and not you."
Letting Go to Be Filled
We can't fully experience desire fulfilled in God until we let go of the objects in
this world we've latched onto in his place. Allegiance to him is not about saying, “I am a
worm, God just give me your orders and I'll do them." It is a process of opening our
hearts to his spirit, allowing him to show us the hindrances to our relationship with him
(the idols), and then letting go of all those deeply rooted ways that we try to get our needs
met through people and things, and finding ways to tangibly meet them in relationship
with God.
Allegiance means making the fundamental choice that you will find your life and
your desire in Jesus—and the continually laying down of old ways of attaching your heart
to something that can never satisfy. John 12:24 says, “…unless a grain of wheat falls into
the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit” (NASU). Desire is
like that—until you let go of the object you've attached your desire to, you cannot
experience real life.
So, back to the original question: “If coaching (asking and not telling) really
works and God does what works—why would God ever tell us to do anything?” With the
insights gleaned from our study in James, we understand:
1. There is a mature way and immature way to get our desires met—He wants us to
“ask” for what we desire; not lust, covet and murder to obtain them.
2. The way to the place of greater maturity and freedom is surrender of the
unhealthy ways we’ve sought to fill our needs (ways that ultimately leave us
feeling empty).
3. Christian maturity is not robotic. God desires that we experience complete
freedom in our relationship with him, and will tell us what we need to let go of or
what we need to ask him for—if we are open to his direction.
As a coach, I want to help people identify and move out of the self-destructive
patterns (pleasures at war in their members) and find life. That is ultimately God’s
desire. So if he tells us to deal with an area in our lives, or let go of a destructive pattern,
he does so because he wants to see us fulfilled in him. But in the process he never
violates our identity or freedom of choice.
© Coach22, 2012 All Rights Reserved | www.Coach22.com | 530-247-1313 | Tony@Coach22.com