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PUNOGRAPHY<br />

Submitted by Edie Sadewitz,<br />

compliments of her childhood friend<br />

Selma Cornet of Santa Barbara<br />

When chemists die, <strong>the</strong>y barium.<br />

Jokes about German sausage are <strong>the</strong> wurst.<br />

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.<br />

I stayed up all night to see where <strong>the</strong> sun <strong>we</strong>nt.<br />

Then it dawned on me.<br />

Edie Sadewitz<br />

This girl said she recognized me from <strong>the</strong><br />

vegetarian club, but I’d <strong>never</strong> met herbivore.<br />

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put<br />

it down.<br />

I did a <strong>the</strong>atrical performance about puns. It<br />

was a play on words.<br />

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with<br />

battery.<br />

Broken pencils are pointless.<br />

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive<br />

vocabulary? A <strong>the</strong>saurus.<br />

All <strong>the</strong> toilets in New York’s police stations<br />

have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.<br />

Velcro – what a rip off !<br />

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are<br />

sketchy.<br />

Earthquake in Washington obviously<br />

government’s fault.<br />

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not<br />

so sure.<br />

Be kind to y<strong>our</strong> dentist. He has fillings, too.<br />

WHAT ARE THE ODDS –<br />

AND THE STAKES?<br />

At one of last month’s regular Tuesday<br />

poker games, resident Bernice Hunold<br />

held a natural straight flush.<br />

Said Arthur Hofmayer, social worker<br />

and poker dealer: “This’ll give you good<br />

luck, Bernice; 25 years more of life.”<br />

Bernice, ever quick off <strong>the</strong> mark,<br />

quipped: “Then I’ll give it back.”<br />

Arthur informed Bernice <strong>that</strong> this<br />

is <strong>the</strong> second-<strong>highest</strong> hand one can get.<br />

He suggested she have it photographed<br />

(done!) and framed.<br />

Jewish Home<br />

9<br />

San Francisco

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