APRIL 2012 - ISSUE 03 - Massive Magazine

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COLUMNS COLD BEER AND COLD NIGHTS DON’T MATCH… BEER GUY Daniel Hargreaves loves his hops, barely and yeast, and often writes blogs about the subject he enjoys so much. We tricked him into writing about all things beer for MASSIVE. We may have had fine weather in Welly lately but come 6pm the cold air begins to creep through windows and slightly open doors. The fire goes on. Winters fingers begin to close around its chilly palm and eventually form into an icy fist. The thing about ‘decent’ beer is that they can match any occasion. Very few mass produced beers of the generic lager theme, can cajole feelings of warmth and comfort come winter. It’s simply my favourite time of year for drinking; sure a couple of cold ones on a hot summer’s day are great, and often needed. However to appreciate beer with food, or to truly drink a beer on merit over sheer refreshment value. The colder months are definitely time to indulge. The trouble with darker beers is that they are often the last style drinkers new to craft beer get in to. With Wellington’s all day dependence on caffeine and the wonderful coffee that is poured daily around the city it constantly surprises me that dark beer gets the press it should. Every Man, Woman and Child in this town has a palate for roasted, chocolatley, burnt toast, berry like flavours. Why should these nuances in beer put so many people off? For me it’s back to global machismo marketing, to the artificially gloopy stouts you see the world over, been consumed by old seadogs with nicotine stained hair. It’s time to drop this century old attitude that stout or porter is for; old men, ladies with anemia, or Ena Sharples! All this aside, dark beer can take many forms. Look out for the German inspired Schwarz beers or dark lagers, Mussel Inn Dark Horse and Hallertau Deception are well worth checking out. Something slightly more interesting would be Croucher Patriot a black IPA or my perennial favourite, Yeastie Boys, Pot Kettle Black. A beer that straddles the line between a black IPA and a hoppy porter. It tastes as good as ever at the minute and if you try a glass of this with a well-made chocolate brownie you’ll never drink a latte again! So what’s to do? Wait for a cold day, the wetter and more miserable the better, source one of the beers below, leave it out of the fridge for an hour and indulge, with a book or fine company It’s sure to start an impromptu gathering or moment to yourself that you won’t regret. 8Wired Big Smoke: Does things to you that beer Shouldn’t be allowed to do. A NZ interpretation on the Rauchbier style Cassels and sons: Milk stout currently pouring from a number of handpulls around Welly, hard to find but well worth it. Renaissance Craftsman Chocolate Stout: Surely there is another batch due from the boys in Blenheim when it hits the shelves it will disappear, a must try. FLAT FEEDS Sam Bonney shows students how to feed your flat for less than $20 Search $20 Flat Feeds NZ on Facebook for more cheap recipes CHINESE HONEY BEEF & PEPPER STIR-FRY Serves 4, $8.90-ish Ingredients: • 400g tenderised beef steak: $5.50 (This is the cheap steak that has cuts all over it. It’s extra chewy which I actually quite like. Mine came premarinated but if you can only get it plain, soak the beef in a bit of soy sauce and honey). • Half a bunch of spring onions: 30c • Half a red onion: 20c • Half a yellow capsicum: 40c (enjoy these now while they are still cheapish! Winter is a scarce capsicum time). • Half thumb of ginger: 20c • 2 cloves garlic: almost nothing • ½ tsp of chilli flakes (opt): 20c • Tsp soy sauce: 10c • Tsp honey: 20c • ¾ of 400g pack of wide (10mm) rice noodles : $1.80 Steps: If your meat isn’t already marinated you should do that a couple of hours beforehand and throw it in the fridge. Before you start on the other ingredients, cover the rice noodles with boiling water. When the rest is ready they will be too. Stir-fry is fast so you need to have all your cooking stuff ready to go. I chop from fastest to slowest and then cook my way back. Slice the spring onions, red onion and the capsicum. Set aside. Mince or finely chop the garlic. Grate the ginger. Set aside. Thinly slice the beef steak. Add steak to a very hot frypan. Stir frequently, but let it sit every now and then to get a scorchy brown in places. When the meat is browned on the outside, add garlic and ginger (and chilli if using) to pan. Move them around and then let them sit while you add the soy sauce and honey. Stir again. Tip in the onion, capsicum and spring onion. Keep it moving until the spring onion greens just start to wilt. You want stir-fry to be reasonably crunchy. Remove from the heat. Drain the noodles. Divide into bowls. Top with stir-fry mixture. Season with salt and pepper if desired. Boom – simple and fast. 36
LOOKING TO GET BOYS’ ATTENTION ASK A GURU Similar to the back of the bus, this is where all the juicy shit is. Each month we will answer your questions via. Formspring.me/massiveguruz Q: There are two boys walking around uni together. They’re really good looking and we want to get to know them. How can we get their attention and what would be a good conversation starter? From two girls who are in A: Easy. Show some skin. If these boys are heterosexual then showing skin will be all that you need to do. But if you two are the more conservative type, and don’t feel like coming across as sluzzaz, then follow these simple steps: Eye contact. It’s all in the sex eyes. When you see these boys walking past, stare like a tiger stalking its prey, and thanks to the laws of nature, it is an offer they can’t refuse. Once you’ve established eye contact, get rid of the stare, pout and look sexy. Make puppy dog eyes, purr like a kitten and create the smallest duck face possible, and don’t forget to smile. This is a baited hook these boys can’t refuse. You have laid down the groundwork. From this step, you need to start talking to them otherwise all this ‘looking hot for the boys’ will go to waste. After the third time you see them, and do that whole smiling duck puppy kitten face thing, then grow some big-girl balls and go talk to them. Don’t be boring. Don’t ask them how they are, but instead ask them who they are, what they do, where they live, who is their daddy and what does he do. This isn’t stalkerish, it’s showing you are confident, like Beyonce, my girlfriend, and that’s what us males love. Confidence is hawt. If you pull this off successfully, then the conversation should just flow. However, if this doesn’t work, the boys are either loners who watch the History Channel and masturbate to it, or they are just not interested because they are either gay, or already in a relationship with another fly honey. If it is the latter, then snap yo fingerz gurl, and remember that you are independent black women who don’t need no man, and come find me, I’ll talk to you and love you … forever. Five steps to kissing a girl properly • Make sure she actually wants to kiss you. If she doesn’t, you are a rapist. •When the moment arrives, and you will both know it, stare deeply into her eyes and caress her head with your hand. If she is kinky, pull her hair a bit. • Ensure your lips are moist, breath is fresh, and you have nothing in your mouth. • Go in for the kiss. I don’t mean a fullon tongue-in-the-mouth, salvia-goingeverywhere, gobby-noises-being-made type of kiss. Put your lips on her lips, gently opening your mouth, no tongue as of yet. • Take short breaks from kissing, admiring her beauty when not. After five minutes of this ‘I love you’ kissing, now is the time to unleash the beast. Slip your tongue in ever so slightly, brushing her tongue with yours, and if you are lucky, she’ll receprocate by offering you sex. PREPARING FOR BLOCKBUSTER SEASON FILM BUFFED Paul Berrington seems to know everything in the world about film, and wants you to as wel It is almost here, that time of year when blockbusters take over the cinema, and <strong>2012</strong> is no different, with a huge number of films on the horizon. In New Zealand we have seen a few attempts to beat the oncoming wave of event cinema in May and June, Gary Ross’ The Hunger Games has been well received by critics and fans, yet another autumn release, Wrath of the Titans, continues Hollywood’s inability to bring Greek mythology to life successfully. The director of that film, Jonathan Liebesman is currently in pre-production for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, due for release in early 2013. Perhaps the most impressive looking blockbuster of the new season looks to be Ridley Scott’s science fiction epic Prometheus, featuring an incredible cast – Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Idris Elba, Guy Pearce – and a trailer that suggests it may be a prequel to his original Alien film, as a group of scientists explore the origins of mankind in a distant solar system. Extensive hype also surrounds Christopher Nolan’s third Batman movie The Dark Knight Rises, which looks like taking the series to new heights in terms of special effects and intensity, with Tom Hardy’s masked villain Bane looking ferociously evil, a new Catwoman in Anne Hathaway, and a trailer that leaves you rattled by devastating action sequences. Nolan regulars Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Marion Cotillard star alongside big names Christian Bale, Liam Neeson, and Michael Caine. Expect the film to set new box office records on its release in July. I’m probably risking life and limb by saying this, but the trailer to The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey left me a little underwhelmed. Still Martin Freeman looks born to play Bilbo Baggins, and all of the cast from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy have returned. No doubt it will be a cut above the usual blockbuster, yet with the novel being split in two and of another six hours of elves and wizards to add to the nine hours that already exist. I have to admit I’m slightly skeptical. Due in May, Men in Black III looks to thrill and amuse with Will Smith travelling back to the 60s to prevent the assassination of partner Agent K, Tommy Lee Jones, and played as a younger man in black by Josh Brolin. The most promising feature though is the casting of Jermaine Clement as the villain, Boris. Also exciting is the fact that Buffy the Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon is at the helm of The Avengers, the story of S.H.I.E.L.D., a peacekeeping agency made up of Marvel Comics superheroes Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Downey JR., and Scarlett Johansson lead another strong cast. www.massivemagazine.org.nz 37
Page 1 and 2: www.massivemagazine.org.nz APRIL 20
Page 3 and 4: CONTENTS ISSUE 3 April. Where is th
Page 5 and 6: ARAB SPRING: LIFTING THE VEIL Benji
Page 7 and 8: LETTERS Massive magazine welcomes l
Page 9 and 10: Jess Roden looks at the use of cour
Page 11 and 12: WHAT THEY SAY STEVE MAHAREY Massey
Page 13 and 14: 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006
Page 15 and 16: you put on that label, that ‘they
Page 17 and 18: Jan Wright was undoubtedly too busy
Page 19 and 20: So I thought I would bust (ha!) som
Page 21 and 22: In the film, analytical details of
Page 23 and 24: Matt Shand finds some light from a
Page 25 and 26: One of the tinny houses appeared to
Page 27 and 28: attitudes towards suicide have chan
Page 29 and 30: class of 95, the beat goes on, muff
Page 31 and 32: completely pointless items - dog fo
Page 33 and 34: an audience would never see. Playwr
Page 35 and 36: You can catch Parallel Dance Ensemb
Page 37: www.massivemagazine.org.nz CROSSWOR
Page 41 and 42: MASS EFFECT 3 Allan Werner GAME 201
Page 43: WELCOME ALUMNI@MASSEY When you grad

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