Chris Lawrence “To avoid criticism; do nothing, say ... - GKR Karate

When Discouragement Is Not
An Act Of Love
When discouragement is not an act of
love, it’s generally an act of insecurity
and jealousy. While people value
most the opinions of those they love;
human nature also sees us strive for
acceptance – ultimately we want to
be liked and approved by our peers.
People will often discard their goals
just to gain the acceptance of the
greater majority.
“The reasonable man adapts
himself to the world while
the unreasonable man
adapts the world to him.
Therefore, all progress
in the world relies on the
unreasonable man.”
This type of discouragement becomes
more powerful when we do not find
support at home, as it is here that we
turn to friends and colleagues. When
we do not gain their support – and
in its place receive ridicule – it can
banish our goals to the back of our
mind where they only live in fantasy.
How sad.
» If you’ve ever fished for sea-crabs,
you will know when you catch your
first, after putting it in a bucket you
must place a lid on top to prevent it
from escaping. Once you catch the
second crab however you no longer
require the lid. This is because one
crab will never let the other escape;
pulling it down each time it attempts
freedom – fascinating! Similarly, most
people will knock the dreams of others
in order to maintain the status quo
over their self-image. The success
and happiness of someone just like us can
cause us to look at ourselves more closely.
For many, it reminds them how they gave
up on many dreams and the result of such
thinking is a blow to their self-image. The
easiest way to avoid this is to be like a crab
in a bucket and bring others down.
» By understanding this, we realise when
others ridicule our lofty goals, it really has
nothing to do with our goal, or our ability
but is completely self-absorbed, merely their
self-image trying to protect itself. It’s also
likely they’re jealous because you’re acting
on something they see as a good idea, but
never started, gave up on too early, or were
too lazy to do anything about.
If You find Yourself Criticising
Or Discouraging The Dreams
Of Others
If it is someone you love, ask yourself is
what you’re trying to protect him or her from
so bad? And even if they do fall short, are
they not better for having tried? Are we not
happiest when we have a goal to pursue?
Could we not be more productive in our
words, by educating without discouraging?
If it is someone you do not love, why are
you trying to hold him or her back? If they
do succeed, does it really mean you’re a
failure? Is not everybody different? Should
the love we have for others and ourselves
only see us trying to help them achieve their
goals? Are humans not happiest when they
are giving?
If You Find Others Criticising
Or Discouraging Your Dreams
If you find yourself being criticised or
discouraged by those you love, understand
that their love causes them to try and shield
you from such things as disappointment.
Also understand that it does not make them
right, nor does it make your goal wrong.
If the discouragement comes from those
whom you do not love, realise they are
acting out of insecurity and jealousy and it
is by no means a statement about you or
your goal.
» Ultimately, it is your life and you must
pursue those things you believe will give
you the most fulfilment and happiness.
Appreciate that while the weight of
disappointment is heavy, the weight of
regret for never having tried is even heavier.
No one on this earth is free from criticism –
even those who have passed away receive
it – so aiming to live a life void of criticism
is pointless. On one hand, some criticise
you for trying and on the other people will
criticise you for not trying. The question is,
who really has your best interests at heart?
» Ask yourself, if you knew you couldn’t
fail, what would you do; for yourself, for your
family and for the greater community? Once
you have answered these, you know what
your true goals are. From here, educate
yourself on what you need to do to achieve
it. Success leaves clues, so seek most of
your guidance only from those who have
already achieved what you set out to do. For
example, if you want to play for Liverpool
United, don’t listen to your local butcher,
read books from top players, get on the net
and attend coaching clinics. Don’t worry
about what nay-sayers are making noise
about, work on your own results and let
that demonstrate to the people who are
‘knocking’ you how good you and your
ideals are. Furthermore, let their criticisms
fuel your fire by residing to prove them all
wrong. Each time you meet adversity (as
every lofty goal comes with its share of
adversity), remind yourself that you intend
to prove these people wrong and it will help
push you through the challenge to new
heights.
SHIMBUN | 29