Chris Lawrence “To avoid criticism; do nothing, say ... - GKR Karate

Nothing Ventured
Nothing Gained
• Chris Lawrence
Don’t Be A Goal Keeper
The primary ambition of any football
goalkeeper is to stop the ball from entering
the net. This means that a goalkeeper’s
‘goal’ is only achieved when they prevent
others from achieving their goals. Sadly,
many people in this world operate in a
similar manner. The majority are largely
ignorant to their bad habits and the damage
they inflict on others; family, friends, coworkers,
priests, even strangers – upon
hearing of a person’s lofty ambitions – will
criticise, ridicule or discourage them from
attempting something beyond the norm.
Many feel justified, believing they are doing
the person a service by ‘bringing them back
to reality’ – lets face it; most people do live
an ordinary life. On the flip side however,
there are literally hundreds of thousands of
highly paid professional athletes, business
people, humanitarians, scientists, etc who
each live the life they always dreamed of.
So why shouldn’t we, or someone we love
become such a person? After all, these
people were not born into greatness, they
were those who followed their dreams and
decided to ignore the discouragement of
others.
» The criticism, ridicule or discouragement
of a person’s ambition occurs for one of two
reasons. One, albeit disabling, is noble and
an act of love. The second is completely
selfish and displays weakness of character.
Discouraging Out Of Love
Because we value most the opinions of
those we love, theirs is the most destructive
form of criticism or discouragement.
Discouraging the dreams of those we
love is usually out of love. Honourable
intentions aside, our love is actually crippling
because it is a love guided by fear. With
any goal comes risk, and the greater the
goal the greater the risk. Therefore when
someone we love has a big dream, we
might feel justified in discouraging them
in order to protect them from failure and
disappointment.
» Truth is, aiming high is healthy for anyone
because the further we aim the further we
end up – even if it is not where we had
hoped. Think of an arrow. If our first target
is only a few meters away, we hardly need
pull back on the bow. If our second target
is a great distance, we pull back hard on
the bow. Because of this extra pull, even
if we fall short on the second target, the
arrow still ends up travelling much further
than the first. Now let’s say a student sets
a goal to become a kata champion and a
doctor. While they may fall short (resulting in
some disappointment), both their kata ability
and their exam results will far exceed those
had they not set such lofty goals. This is
because goals tend to dictate actions, ergo,
when the initial disappointment subsides
and one sees things in perspective again,
they will be far more content with where
they have ended up compared to the
person who aimed for little or nothing.
“To avoid criticism; do nothing,
say nothing, and inevitably, be
nothing.”
The best action to take when someone we
love aims high is to encourage them, while
equally ensuring their dream is not a fantasy.
A fantasy is a big goal without knowledge of
how to achieve it, or the action consistent
with achieving it. For example, a child who
wishes to one day play football for Liverpool
United but never practises outside of formal
training is only fantasising. In addition, we
should educate them on the amount of work
required, help them formulate a strategy
for achieving it and even make them aware
of the risks without trying to scare them.
We should encourage them and work on
developing their self-image. This not only
increases their chances of success, but also
minimises their disappointment should they
fall short.
Fall Short, Not Failure
If you feel impelled to discourage others
from setting lofty goals, or perhaps
discourage yourself, then it’s time to
change your internal dialogue. Allow me
to elaborate; most people have a negative
association towards the word ‘failure’ and
therefore will do virtually anything to avoid
it. Fear of failure is so powerful that most
people are willing to live in a ‘known hell’
than an ‘unknown heaven’ purely because it
comes with potential for failure. To combat
this, remove the word ‘failure’ and replace
it with the words ‘fall short’. Going back
to our arrow analogy; by aiming far, even
if we miss we still end up further than had
we not attempted such an ambitious goal
- in other words we fall short. Failure is a
word that implies nothingness, while falling
short still implies progress. Using the same
example, the child who dreams of playing
for Liverpool United may never reach their
goal, but they will no doubt end up playing
in a high level division as opposed to the
local park competition.
“Someone is going to lead the
life you dream of, why can’t it
be you?
Are they really better than you,
more deserving than you?”
28 | SHIMBUN

When Discouragement Is Not
An Act Of Love
When discouragement is not an act of
love, it’s generally an act of insecurity
and jealousy. While people value
most the opinions of those they love;
human nature also sees us strive for
acceptance – ultimately we want to
be liked and approved by our peers.
People will often discard their goals
just to gain the acceptance of the
greater majority.
“The reasonable man adapts
himself to the world while
the unreasonable man
adapts the world to him.
Therefore, all progress
in the world relies on the
unreasonable man.”
This type of discouragement becomes
more powerful when we do not find
support at home, as it is here that we
turn to friends and colleagues. When
we do not gain their support – and
in its place receive ridicule – it can
banish our goals to the back of our
mind where they only live in fantasy.
How sad.
» If you’ve ever fished for sea-crabs,
you will know when you catch your
first, after putting it in a bucket you
must place a lid on top to prevent it
from escaping. Once you catch the
second crab however you no longer
require the lid. This is because one
crab will never let the other escape;
pulling it down each time it attempts
freedom – fascinating! Similarly, most
people will knock the dreams of others
in order to maintain the status quo
over their self-image. The success
and happiness of someone just like us can
cause us to look at ourselves more closely.
For many, it reminds them how they gave
up on many dreams and the result of such
thinking is a blow to their self-image. The
easiest way to avoid this is to be like a crab
in a bucket and bring others down.
» By understanding this, we realise when
others ridicule our lofty goals, it really has
nothing to do with our goal, or our ability
but is completely self-absorbed, merely their
self-image trying to protect itself. It’s also
likely they’re jealous because you’re acting
on something they see as a good idea, but
never started, gave up on too early, or were
too lazy to do anything about.
If You find Yourself Criticising
Or Discouraging The Dreams
Of Others
If it is someone you love, ask yourself is
what you’re trying to protect him or her from
so bad? And even if they do fall short, are
they not better for having tried? Are we not
happiest when we have a goal to pursue?
Could we not be more productive in our
words, by educating without discouraging?
If it is someone you do not love, why are
you trying to hold him or her back? If they
do succeed, does it really mean you’re a
failure? Is not everybody different? Should
the love we have for others and ourselves
only see us trying to help them achieve their
goals? Are humans not happiest when they
are giving?
If You Find Others Criticising
Or Discouraging Your Dreams
If you find yourself being criticised or
discouraged by those you love, understand
that their love causes them to try and shield
you from such things as disappointment.
Also understand that it does not make them
right, nor does it make your goal wrong.
If the discouragement comes from those
whom you do not love, realise they are
acting out of insecurity and jealousy and it
is by no means a statement about you or
your goal.
» Ultimately, it is your life and you must
pursue those things you believe will give
you the most fulfilment and happiness.
Appreciate that while the weight of
disappointment is heavy, the weight of
regret for never having tried is even heavier.
No one on this earth is free from criticism –
even those who have passed away receive
it – so aiming to live a life void of criticism
is pointless. On one hand, some criticise
you for trying and on the other people will
criticise you for not trying. The question is,
who really has your best interests at heart?
» Ask yourself, if you knew you couldn’t
fail, what would you do; for yourself, for your
family and for the greater community? Once
you have answered these, you know what
your true goals are. From here, educate
yourself on what you need to do to achieve
it. Success leaves clues, so seek most of
your guidance only from those who have
already achieved what you set out to do. For
example, if you want to play for Liverpool
United, don’t listen to your local butcher,
read books from top players, get on the net
and attend coaching clinics. Don’t worry
about what nay-sayers are making noise
about, work on your own results and let
that demonstrate to the people who are
‘knocking’ you how good you and your
ideals are. Furthermore, let their criticisms
fuel your fire by residing to prove them all
wrong. Each time you meet adversity (as
every lofty goal comes with its share of
adversity), remind yourself that you intend
to prove these people wrong and it will help
push you through the challenge to new
heights.
SHIMBUN | 29