what are you wearing right now?

what are
you wearing
right now?

Anyone who thinks they’ll
be able to track down
The One without knowing
how to turn their phone
into an object of lust has
another thing coming.
Sexting is practically a
requirement for living
in the 21st century, no
longer the reserve of
predatory creeps or
girls who give HJs to
exchange students, being
able to communicate
just how horny you
are over iMessage or
Snapchat is a life skill,
and you’re going to have
to learn how to do it.
According to TIME
magazine, four out of
five college kids sext on
the regular. As Benjamin
Franklin once said, “In
this world, nothing can
be certain, except death
and taxes and that you
will at some point be
awake at 3 AM struggling
to think of a fourth
nongross synonym for
vagina/penis.” Frequent
sexters are no longer just
a bunch of teens furtively
sending each other dick
pics with the caption “u
like? ;)”—the sexting
landscape is now dotted
with old marrieds, yuppies,
and regular everyday
humans like you and me.
So, on the off chance
that you and I ever bump
into each other in sext
land, here’s how to
keep me interested.

1 don’t get ahead
of yourself

Frances!
I am so lonely I can hardly bear it. As
one needs happiness so have I needed
love; that is the deepest need of the
human spirit. And as I love you utterly,
so have you now become the whole
world of my spirit. It is beside and
beyond anything that you can ever
do for me; it lies in what you are, dear
love — to me so infinitely lovely that
to be near you, to see you, hear you, is
now the only happiness, the only life, I
know. How long these hours are alone!
Dear Frances, let us make and
keep our love more beautiful than
any love has ever been before.
Forever, dearest one.
If you’re just starting out,
three to four words are all
you need.
wanna see my
penis?
Betty

Steven,
It was not hard for me to fall in love
with you. You are so easy to love.
The hardest part is being away from
you, but I know that the best part is
when we will be together again.
I’m longing for that moment and your
touch. God knows how much I miss you.
We may be apart, but my love for
you stays stronger and sweeter.
F.
A length limit forces you
to get straight to the
point and eliminates
the possibility of
embarrassing yourself
by using adjectives like
“pulsing,” which makes
your pussy or dick sound
like the still-beating heart
of a butchered mammal.
you. Me.back of
my car tonight?

Damien, I honestly believe that undying
hope can do wonders in this world.
Now, I see and hear and read about
injustices all the time... And yes, I
hate it—but nothing has ever gotten
through to me like you did. It gives
me goose bumps just by thinking what
I’ll do to your body. Maybe it’s because
you remind me a little about myself,
maybe growing up the way we did.
Getting to know someone by writing.
It’s quite wonderful and mysterious.
Mary
I guess if you were really
fucking twee, you could
imagine your sext as the
21st-century equivalent
of a candy love heart, but
instead of “Fax Me” you’re
writing, “I wanna fuck you
in a bodega.”
i want u inside
me

2 don’t
abbreviate

I’m getting to like you so tremendously
that it some times scares me...having
told you so much of me—more than
anyone else I know—could anything
else follow but that I should want you...
How I wanted to photograph please
you—your hands, your mouth, & eyes,
the touch of white, & the throat but I
didn’t want to break into your time.
Gina
It’s 2013, and I know
you’re not typing out every
letter individually on your
Motorola Razr, but Y R U
choosin 2 talk lik a tween?
Who culd eva b trnd on by
dis??
No one wants to be
deciphering your sexual
hieroglyphics when they
could be quietly shifting
in their lecture seat so the
seam of their jeans hits
things just right.
i wnt to take u
2 a plce calld
orgasmland.

George,
I could take my life up again
courageously if I only understood;
for whatever those months were to
you, to me they were a great gift, a
wonderful enrichment; & still I rejoice
& give thanks for them! can I have my
way with you? You woke me from a
long lethargy, a dull acquiescence in
conventional restrictions, a needless
self-effacement. How can you turn me on
so much just by looking at me? If I was
awkward & inarticulate it was because,
literally, all one side of me was asleep.
“RU horny” is the textmessage
equivalent of
giving someone a wedgy
as a flirting tactic. It also
implies there’s a 14-yearold
on the other end of the
phone, which, again, is
not ideal in this situation.
wat were
you thinking
yesterday when
yur hands were
all over me?
Yours,
Joan

3 watch your
visuals

What do I want from you? Sometimes
I feel I’m going stark mad, that I ought
to say...Dearest, you are so much to me
that you must not come near with me.
Coming may bring you darkness instead
of light and I got a plan for the both of us,
but it involves my bed in it aswell and it’s
in everlasting light that you should live.
Jen
Guys: maybe don’t send
your sext partner a closeup
picture of your erect
penis unless they have
expressed an active
interest in seeing a closeup
picture of your erect
penis.
u can look at it
BUT you cannot
touch it, YET.

Rosie,
I’m standing staring at my surroundings,
but my mind keeps drifting back you
to and how good we are together, why
are you keeping me starved?. I can still
taste the sweetness of your lips against
mine; im talking about the ones I can
see, you still have to show me those other
ones the feeling of your skin as I slide
my fingers along your silky smoothness.
Until our next kiss,
Albert
Most people don’t really
need an image of the
isolated naked mole rat to
get themselves off, and if
it’s too early in the sexting
process, it’s actually just
very frightening. You know
how people say actions
speak louder than words?
That is not true of sexting;
sexting is like erotic
literature, the pictures do
it no justice.
thinkng of
havin some
peaches and
cream tonite,
with you.

Teddy,
I was thinking we should go to that new
italian restaurant for dinner tonight.
Wana skip dinner and eat something
a little more delicious instead? It’ll be
just like one of those first dates we
had. The ones where we couldn’t stop
smiling. Let me know what you think.
Marlene
The same goes for you
ladies: that straight-up
shot of a vag comes
across more medical
than saucy. Would you
fuck someone in a onesie
with a hole in it? No?
So consider the bigger
picture.
Send me pics?
the ones you
havnt sent to
anybody
Trust me, you’ll get better
results from a pic of your
full bod in some cute
underwear.

Tami;
All this madness, if I asked it of you, I
know, in your silence, there would be
only confusion. I ask you for violence,
in the nonsense, and you, you give me
grace, your light and your warmth.
I’d like to paint you, but there are no
colors, because there are so many,
in my confusion, the tangible form
of my great love. but im am sending
you ths text with one hand, my other
hand is busy. Come and join me.
I love you.
Greg
Everyone: the recipient
is almost certainly going
to show this picture to at
least one of their friends
at some point. If you’re not
OK with that, don’t include
your face. If you look
smoking hot, absolutely
do. If Rihanna’s going to,
you might as well.
wut are you
wearing right
now?

4 there are
no rules

It’s the simple things about you that
turn me inside out; but, when we kiss,
I burn raw... deep down inside Your
dessert is HOT and READY for you. I
crave that next kiss; the one that always
leads to more. My heart beats like
nothing you can imagine—it is simply
astonishing. want to play tonight?
Angela
It hurts no one to make
things up during a sexting
sesh, and chances are
they’re returning the favor
anyway.
Technology allows you to
turn “Just woke up in the
bus depo :-(” to “Ooh I
just got out of a hot bath...”
in seconds.
Abuse this power.
you think about
me when you
were in the
bath tub today?
course

5 keep your
privates private

My darling,
You are in my mind now and I want
to write it down. When I look at your
picture, I feel my heart beat faster and
I cannot describe the happiness that
invades me. Let’s get dirty tonight.
When I feel your gaze upon my eyes and
your hand holding mine, a wonderful
feeling wraps me up lets wash each other
off in the shower latr. Your love has turned
my life around. I know tomorrow will
be better than today because of you.
Nicole
It used to be a real
concern that your ex could
throw your nudie pics up
on the internet as soon as
they found out you were
banging their best friend/
sibling. Even storing sext
pics on your phone was
dangerous.
pic. pic
PIC.

Jordan,
Thoughts of you race through my
mind and burning images of you stay
within focus of my memory me. Your
body and your the exquisite perfection
of your alluring face stays with me
as if I am always dreaming Why am
I horny and you are sofar away?. I
can’t stop thinking about you and
the passion we create when we are
together. having you inside of me.
Jackson
But now those days are
behind us. Snapchat,
which describes itself
as a “new way to share
moments with friends,”
allows you to send a
photo or ten-second
video to a single user or
friend group, but it can’t
be screengrabbed and it
disappears after they’ve
looked at it.
i dont need
to watch porn
anymor. One
look at yur sexy
body keeps me
going.

6 come
vs.
cum

Joe
For I long to write you a love letter
tonight. I fantasize about our hot and
sweaty sex that would last for hours.
You are all about me—I seem to
breathe you—hear you—feel you
in me and of me… Never have I met
a man that could filfill me like you.
When you came to tea this afternoon you
took a brioche broke it in half & padded
the inside doughy bit with two fingers.
You always do that with a bun or roll or
a piece of bread—It is your way—your
head a little on one side the while … I
fantisize about those wonderful days.
Katherine
As with sex, so with
sexts. The general tone
of what you’re up to will
be set by whether you’re
using “come” or “cum”
to talk fluids. “Come”
is for gentlemen and
ladies, long-term couples,
and people who would
describe themselves as
“skilled at erotic massage.”
ill follow you
everywhere, as
long as you will
let me COME w
you.

Penny
Darling—I love these velvet nights. I’ve
never been able to decide … whether
I love you most in the eternal classic
half-lights where it blends with day or in
the full religious fan-fare of mid-night
or perhaps in the lux of noon. I will pick
you up by 8o’clock tonight. wear a skirt
or a dress; my hands are a bitt restless
today. Anyway, I love you most and you
’phoned me just because you phoned me
tonight. I walked on those telephone
wires for two hours after holding your
love like a parasol to balance me.
“Cum” is for horny teens,
pervs, your gross ex who
has a new partner now,
and pretty much anyone
who’s going to be any fun
to sext.
I got a job
opportunity for
you. Interested?
Scott

7 chill the
fuck out

My darling,
We two, you know, have everything
before us, and we shall do very great
things—I have perfect faith in us—and
so perfect is my love for you that I
am, as it were, still, silent to my very
soul “Faster, harder,” you say, and your
wish is my command. I can guaranttee
you, we’ll need a good 4-5 days in the
middle of nowhere to fulfill my need of
you inside me again. I want nobody but
you for my lover and my friend and to
nobody but you shall I be faithful.
I am yours forever.
Tig.
I’ve had sext sessions
that have neared Real
Physical Interaction
levels of arousing, but
if I was forced to read
the messages I sent or
received during these
times an hour afterward, I
would immediately fashion
myself a suicide machine
from whatever was nearby.
I sometimes
feel like
playing with
your beautiful
hair… and other
things too.

I already love in you your beauty body.
That’s only the beginning. Your heat,
your soul. you always know how to push
those right buttons. Your heat, your soul.
A Beauty body one could get to know
and fall in love with fantasize for hours
about; but the soul one must learn to
know. Believe bleive me, nothing on
earth is given without labour, even
love, I was thinking about you in the
shower today, the most beautiful and
natural sexy of feelings things.
Yours,
Leo
Delete as you go, people,
but remember, we all
get pretty embarrassing
when we sext, so don’t
worry about it. If someone
exposes just how filthy
the inside of your brain
is to your peers, simply
own that shit. Chances
are, people will think
your shamelessness is
arousing, and you’ll be on
the receiving end of yet
more sexts.
I will let you
see mine if
I get to see
yours.

M,
Yet is good for me to know the
measure of my love and need, that I
may at least be brought to so govern
myself as never to lose the love and
trust that you have given me. I am
dripping with love and desire for you.
B
Everyone wins.
I just want to
let you know, I
am a rider.