Currents Magazine Winter 2015

Jesus was wearing dark blue slacks and a plain
white dress shirt with a tie just barely hanging
off it. He almost looked like an intern returning
home from another difficult day at the office.
Ron struggled with his next words,
“You are much more…” he began but quickly
ended, realizing the somewhat boorish words
that were about to come out of his mouth.
“Brown?” Jesus finished his thought for him.
Ron’s face lit up red as shame engulfed his body.
“I’m so sorry, Jesus, that was inconsiderate of me,
I …” Ron began.
“Be calm my child, you did me no harm. I am
pretty brown. It can be a little shocking if you
grew up with the pictures of me with the fair
skin and blue eyes and all that. You are forgiven,”
he declared as he made the sign of the cross over
Ron’s face.
Jesus continued,
“I bumped into Siddhartha on my way in here.
He’s sitting below that big tree outside with his
eyes closed. Says he needs ‘to be in a compassionate
state of mind before sitting down with
everyone.’ I really love that guy.”
Almost on cue, the door opened one more time
to reveal the chubby, smiling man known as the
Buddha.
“Speaking of the devil,” Ron exclaimed. He was
finding it more and more difficult to conceal his
excitement.
The Buddha spoke,
“Oh, please don’t tell me the Devil is coming.
I’ve tried leveling with that guy a few times, but
he’s such a downer.”
“No, no, I only meant it in a manner of speech.
This is everyone for tonight’s session,” Ron clarified.
The men sat quietly for a few minutes. Through
the shuffling of feet and the mild uneasiness
however, these strong leaders slowly ramped
up the volume as they exchanged pleasantries,
while others caught up after years of not talking.
Eventually, after taking the time to watch and
gauge the situation, Ron spoke up,
“Hello everyone, once again, I am Ron, and I’m
so happy to see all of your brave faces here tonight.
I’m sure you are all well aware but I just
wanted to reassure you that this is a safe space.
I want you guys to feel comfortable in sharing
whatever needs sharing. Tonight, you no longer
support everyone else, you now get to support
yourselves!”
For some reason, Ron had expected an explosion
of applause and howls of unity but the men
just looked around at each other in mild dismay.
Hampered yet motivated, Ron continued,
“OK, that sounded a lot better in my head, but
you guys get it. It can get tiring carrying the
weight of the world on your shoulders, so tonight
we can chill out and discuss your own issues.”
A hand shot up.
“Yes Jesus, go ahead,” Ron said.
Jesus wet his lips before speaking.
“My biggest issue recently might seem simple or
a tad ‘meh’ to everyone, but I feel like I’ve reached
my limit with it. People really need to stop using
my name as a curse word or as a way to verbalize
their bewilderment. Whatever happened to
‘never use the Lord’s name in vain’? I mean, I
may not be the Lord, but I am his son after all.”
Before Ron or anyone else could answer with
some kind of advice or comfort, Jesus continued.
“Like … Ron what’s your last name?”
Ron opened his mouth.
“OK, so you are Ronald Howard,” Jesus continued
without waiting for an answer he already
had. Ron kept his mouth closed despite Jesus
getting his name slightly wrong. “Imagine if
every time someone got caught in traffic they
shouted ‘Ronald Howard!’ with so much venom
mind you. It’s unsettling to say the least.”
Muhammad spoke up.
“I second that!”
“What do you mean,” Shiva replied “I’ve never
heard anyone shout ‘Muhammad!’ while in traffic.”
Muhammad eyed Shiva up and down again,
pausing at the tank top that, so visibly to the rest
61 · CURRENTS