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first of all it does not mean that “evil be
overlooked, explained away, or
excused.” Moreover, it recognizes the
common humanity of all people,
regardless of their misdeeds or crimes.
Original sin “suggests that, given the
right combination of circumstances,
we are all capable of unspeakable
deeds.”
Forgiveness involves letting go of
vengeance, anger and hatred directed
at the wrongdoer, who must still be
held accountable in court for any
crimes committed.
In the first third of the book
Huston often veers away from the
main theme, but the text comes alive
when she begins to relate forgiveness
to her own life story. She writes
frankly of her own shortcomings—
reminiscent of Henri Nouwen’s writing.
She recalls a time in her late 30s
when she dreamed of killing someone
who was spreading malicious lies
about her. The dream shocked her
because “this level of killing anger did
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not fit into my view of myself.”
Huston also candidly describes
how her blind ambition to become a
famous writer interfered with her spiritual
development. When a publisher
rejected her second novel, she felt “persecuted.”
Her misguided forgiveness
prayer asked God to show her tormentors
their errors.
Only gradually did Huston recognize
that love was a precondition to
forgiveness. If we do not first love our
“neighbors,” we will not forgive them.
In three insightful chapters the
author applies forgiveness to parents,
marriage partners and communities.
She encourages readers to view their
parents “as vulnerable children themselves”
and to understand how their
parents were shaped by family history.
Regarding her divorce, for years
Huston played the role of victim, but
in time realized she was “98 percent”
responsible for the breakup of her
marriage, which followed her extramarital
love affair. She eventually apologized
to her ex-husband, who told
her he already had forgiven her.
She encourages couples to pray for
each other because “it’s impossible to
keep hating a person we are sincerely
praying for.” Mutual forgiveness, she
says, may be the single most important
factor in saving marriages.
As a Benedictine oblate, Huston
was distressed at the infighting within
her small community, but learned that
she had to stop brooding over wounds
and realize that “we may literally have
to forgive the same person for the same
annoying trait over and over and over
again until we’re ready to scream…and
then forgive him or her again.”
Citing Jesus’ words on the cross,
“Father, forgive them, they know not
what they do,” Huston says it is hard
to imagine a “more eloquent demonstration
of the central role forgiveness
is meant to play in Christian living.”
Forgiveness, she notes, does not always
require reconciliation. Someone who
was abused or mistreated need not
seek a restored relationship with the
abuser and thereby risk additional
mistreatment.
Huston could have made the additional
point that forgiveness does not
need to take place in person, a
prospect that might be too painful or
frightening. There are many ways to
express forgiveness, like journal writing
or through the mail, without a
face-to-face encounter.
Although “hostility, strife and
bloodshed” plague humanity, Huston
writes, these horrors pale in comparison
to what a world without forgiveness
would be like. “We truly cannot
imagine life without the possibility of
forgiveness and reconciliation, for
unrestrained animosity would have
brought the human species to a bloody
end long ago.”
BILL WILLIAMS is a freelance writer in West
Hartford, Conn., and a former editorial writer
for The Hartford Courant. He is a member of
the National Book Critics Circle.
34 America May 11, 2009