TheLoWDoWN - Rotary Down Under

Four-wheel deridingWords: Max CrusIs it a function of age that we become the object of our own derision,eventually? Thus, have I after the purchase of that most (rightly)lambasted category of motor vehicle, an SUV/‘Crossover’?It means little that I need extra ground clearance when visitingremote wineries with goat-track driveways. It means less that goodmileage is essential, as I travel thousands of miles, even thoughwe’ve been metricated for 40 years. It matters not that space formany boxes is paramount.At the supermarket, people don’t think, “That person musttravel lots over rough terrain with heaps of wine in the boot”.They think, middle-aged, urban, wanker with a bigger carbonfootprint than a Yeti … and they’re not talking Skoda.No, gone is the nimble, frugal, sexy, Euro compact, aboutwhich people swooned, “Gosh, that person must be young,stylish, socially aware, yet still like to go fast”.Worse yet, it is a sure sign of ageing if you buy asecond-hand car that belonged to old people.I know this of my latest purchase for three reasons –four if you count the dealer telling me.The first reason was that the parking sensor volumewas set to 110 decibels. You couldn’t hit anythingbecause you couldn’t stay in the car withoutbursting your eardrums.The second was that the radio was tuned toABC Classic. Could have been worse, it mighthave been Sky Racing or Alan Jones! Ewww, gladI didn‘t buy that one.The third sign was that the clock wasset five minutes fast, which annoyed meconstantly until I changed it, which tookdays… another sign?So it’s not only my car making methe object of my own derision, but myimpending vast age. Is there no end tothe ignominy?Apparently not. My car has somethingcalled ‘4Motion’. Everyone knowsmotions are critical to older people,so having it plastered all over yourvehicle drops you in it – excusethe imagery.At least it holds lots of wineboxes, which I leave in thecar to deflect derision.Here’s the emptiesfrom the last trip:1Food + WineOakvale Single Vineyard Shiraz, 2011 – $45Looking for a summer red, go lighter. Thirteen is a goodnumber and luckily we had one handy. 8.8/102Moss Wood Ribbon Vale Cabernet Sauvignon Merlot,2010 – $18A rolling stone gathers no moss, but you can gather lotsof Moss Wood with a rolling 4WD SUV Crossover Whatsy.8.5/103Printhie (Orange) MCC Shiraz, 2010 – $35Surely a hit among cricketing knobs and those whoappreciate sophisticated, cool-climate shiraz. 8.9/104Barringwood Park (Tasmania) Barrel SelectionChardonnay, 2010 – $28You need oak in your diet, and, blended with some stylishchardonnay, you’ve got two food groups covered. 8.8/105Optimiste “Paris in Spring” Rose, 2012 – $20How could anyone who has visited Paris, seen it in a movieor knows of it go past this on Valentine’s Day? Tastes likewhite wine with a splash of red. 8.7/106Ballast Stone Windjammer Shiraz, 2010 – $174WDs are good windjammers. Amazingly fragrant in thatMcLaren Vale way, perhaps the sweat of Adelaide summerswith a northerly. 8.6/10www.rotarydownunder.org 49