Interview with the Author - Global Initiative to End All Corporal ...

Q: There are many parenting guides to choose from,what makes this one different from the others?Joan E. Durrant: Simplicity. All of the research findingson positive discipline are boiled down to four basicprinciples that parents can use to guide their interactionswith their children.Another unique aspect of this guide is the opportunity itprovides for practice. It can be very difficult to thinkrationally in situations of parent-child conflict. It takeseffort and practice to shift from impulsive punitiveresponses to thought-out constructive responses in suchsituations. This guide gives parents practice in thinkingthrough their responses so that they are better preparedwhen difficult situations arise.A third unique feature of this manual is that it interweavesfindings of academic research with children’s rightsprinciples. It will help readers understand the links amongchild development, effective parenting, and children’srights.Q: The manual strongly discourages parents from usingcorporal punishment. Why is this important?Joan E. Durrant: Corporal punishment has beenrepeatedly shown to interfere with parents’ long-termgoals for their children. Most parents want their childrento grow into non-violent problem-solvers who have goodrelationships with their families and high self-esteem andwho are happy people. Corporal punishment interfereswith development in all of these areas. It predicts higherlevels of aggression in children, poorer parent-childrelationships, and poorer child mental health. It serves nouseful purpose in teaching children what we want themto learn.Q: This manual begins with an introduction on children’srights. What are the links between children’s rights andpositive discipline?Joan E. Durrant: Children’s rights are based onknowledge of what children need to develop to their fullpotential. The necessities of life for a child include notonly food, water and shelter, but also emotional securityand physical safety. Children need positive relationshipswith, and strong attachments to, their caregivers.“Parents everywhere have long-termeverywhere thrive on warmth andcan be resolved everywhere througof view and problem-solvAlmost all countries of the world have ratified the UnitedNations Convention on the Rights of the Child. ThisConvention sets out the fundamental rights of childrenbased on their developmental needs. Three of theserights have particular relevance to discipline. First, childrenhave the right to freedom from all forms of violence.This means that we need to learn ways of responding toparent-child conflict without hitting. Second, childrenhave the right to be treated with respect for their dignity.This means that we need to learn ways of teachingchildren without humiliating them with put-downs,name-calling, or threats. Third, children have the right toexpress themselves. This means that we need to learnnot only how to talk to children, but also how to listen andunderstand how they think and feel.Q: As a parent, can you share with us some real lifesituations when you used positive discipline at home?Joan E. Durrant: Once, my 3-year-old son dropped hisfather’s toothbrush into the toilet. I considered myoptions. I could spank him to teach him not to do thatagain, scold him, or take something away from him topunish him. But I realized that these responses wouldn’tteach him anything about why he shouldn’t droptoothbrushes in the toilet. I also realized that, at 3 years ofage, he didn’t understand anything about germs, money,or plumbing. He didn’t do this because he wanted todamage the toothbrush or the toilet. He didn’t know that itwas any different from dropping a toothbrush into the sink.I thought about the situation from his point of view andconsidered what he needed to know in order not to do itagain. I didn’t scold him or hit him because I wanted himto listen to me and learn. I calmly explained that thetoilet is not the place for things we put into our mouthsand why. I explained that his father wouldn’t be able touse that toothbrush again, and this would mean that hisfather would have to go out and buy a new one. I told him

goals for their children. Childrenstructure. And parent-child conflicth considering each other’s pointsing,” says Joan Durrant.that I understood that he had not intended to damage hisDad’s toothbrush. I also explained that when we damageother people’s belongings, even by mistake, we need totake responsibility and fix the situation. I asked him howhe could fix this mistake. He suggested that he could buyhis Dad a new toothbrush.He got some of his own money and we went to the store.He picked out a toothbrush that he thought his Dad wouldlike. When we went home, he went to his father andexplained what had happened. He apologized and gavehis Dad the new toothbrush. His Dad expressed hisrespect for how he had handled the situation, as well asappreciation for his honesty and for taking responsibility.My son has never dropped anything else into the toilet ordamaged anything, for that matter. From that experience,he obtained information that he used in other situations.He also saw himself as honest and capable of repairinghis mistakes, which he continues to do. He felt respectedby his father and respects him, in turn. He felt understoodand supported by me, so he is not afraid to tell me whenhe has made a mistake. He trusts his parents to providethe structure that he needs, but in an atmosphere ofwarmth, rather than fear. This is the foundation ofpositive discipline.Q: The example you give works within Canada’s culture.Will this method work in Southeast Asia and the Pacificand other parts of the world?Joan E. Durrant: The manual was piloted in Asia, witha group of professionals who work with parents. What wefound was that the fundamental principles applied acrossall of those countries, but some of the specific examplesof parent-child conflict were more relevant to somecountries than to others.The principles of positive discipline are universal. Parentseverywhere have long-term goals for their children.Children everywhere thrive on warmth and structure. Andparent-child conflict can be resolved everywhere throughconsidering each other’s points of view and problemsolving. So the fundamental principles can be applied allover the world.Where there can be differences is in the situations thatlead to conflict. For example, in North America it iscommon for parents and children to sleep in separaterooms. This situation often results in conflict becausechildren are afraid to be alone in the dark. In other cultures,it is common for parents and children to sleep together.This situation reduces conflict about going to bed. So, inNorth America, parents could use the positive disciplineapproach to resolve bedtime problems. In other culturesit might not be necessary to use positive discipline atbedtime, but it would be useful in other situations.The positive discipline approach is based on principlesthat can be applied in all cultures across a wide range ofsituations. We have aimed to make the examples in themanual as universal as possible, but we have alsoprovided space for parents to think about their ownunique situations and work through the problem solvingprocess for those specific areas of conflict.Q: Your book mentions the importance of knowing howchildren think and feel, as well as providing children withwarmth and structure…Why is that important?Joan E. Durrant: In resolving any problem or conflict, ithelps tremendously to see the situation from the otherperson’s point of view. This is particularly true in the caseof parents and children. We are often mistaken aboutchildren’s motivations. When we think that they areintentionally defying us or trying to make us angry, weare likely to respond with anger and punishment. But, inmost cases, children are not trying to make us angry or“defy” us. They are simply trying to learn. They don’thave all of the knowledge that we have, as adults, so theymake mistakes. They need to feel safe when they makemistakes. They need to be able to trust us to respond in arespectful way that teaches them what we really wantthem to learn.

Q: How in your opinion will this manual help parents,guardians, or future parents?About the AuthorJoan E. Durrant: It will give parents, guardians andother caregivers a few simple principles to follow whenthey are feeling frustrated. Because it is difficult to thinkabout principles in a moment of frustration, they willhave opportunities to practice and prepare for situationsthat they find particularly challenging. If they follow theprinciples, they will feel less anger toward their children,they will build their relationships with their children, andthey will help their children become respectful, confidentand competent people.Future parents can use the manual to learn about childdevelopment so that they are better prepared for typicalparenting challenges. They also can learn the principlesahead of time and work through the exercises. Thisshould help them to think more clearly when they are inactual situations of conflict with their children. Preparingfor difficult situations can make a very big difference toour ability to manage them well.Q: Who else could benefit from using this manual?Joan E. Durrant: This manual could be very useful toprofessionals who work with parents. It can be used withindividual parents or with groups. It could also be usefulto people working in advocacy organizations who don’tnecessarily work directly with parents, but who wouldlike to have a better understanding of what positivediscipline is.Joan E. Durrant, Ph.D. is a Child-Clinical Psychologist andan Associate Professor of Family Social Sciences at theUniversity of Manitoba in Winnipeg, Canada. She conductsresearch on the factors that lead parents to strike theirchildren, as well as on the impact of laws that prohibitphysical punishment. She was the principal researcherand co-author of the Canadian Joint Statement on PhysicalPunishment of Children and Youth; a member of theResearch Advisory Committee of the United NationsSecretary-General’s Study on Violence against Children;and a co-editor of Eliminating Corporal Punishment:The Way Forward to Constructive Discipline (UNESCO).She has written parenting materials for the Canadiangovernment, and has given speeches and workshops inmany countries on the topics of physical punishment andpositive parenting.This publication is jointly commissioned by the Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Childrenand Save the Children Sweden.For more information, please contact:Save the Children SwedenRegional Office for Southeast Asia and the Pacific14th Floor, Maneeya Centre518/5 Ploenchit RoadBangkok 10330 ThailandPhone: +662 684 1046/7Fax: +662 684 1048Email: scs@seap.savethechildren.seWebsite: http://seap.savethechildren.se