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Winner 2009 National Magazine Award in General ExcellenceCO M M E M O R AT I V E E D I T I O NSPECIALREPORTTeenDriversat Risk13 ThingsYour WaıterWon’t TellYouOur 50 FunniestTrue Stories+Heroes ofthe Twister7 INSPIRING TALESYes, YouCan...BELIEVE INBASEBALLAGAIN

From the EditorLast year, we gave our venerable magazine a complete makeover. Weredesigned our logo, updated our photography, added new sections andquickened the pace. Did it work? Well, the American Society of MagazineEditors thinks so: This spring, they awarded us the highest honor in ourindustry, the National Magazine Award for General Excellence. (It’s kindof like getting an Oscar for Best Picture, but our award is shapedlike an elephant.)To celebrate our success and show off our new look, we’ve assembleda special digital Commemorative Edition of Reader’s Digest. In the pagesthat follow, you’ll find some of our favorite dramas, most inspiring everydayheroes, and most useful and surprising information. The quotable quotesand hilarious true stories are here too—because while we changed our look,we didn’t change what makes millionsof readers invite us into theirhomes each month.P H O T O G R A P H E D B Y A N T O I N E V E R G L A SWe hope you’ll share this issuewith friends and family, or anyonewho could use a quick lift, a goodlaugh, a suggestion for a great book,or some trusted health advice. Whateveryou think, I hope you’ll let meknow. Email me at peggy@rd.com.And thank you for reading!Peggy NorthropGlobal Editor in ChiefReader’s Digest

SPECIAL REPORTWARNING:EENDRIVERSBY JOSEPH K. VETTER WITH FRAN LOSTYS• Kylie Grayden, 17, of Shorewood, Minnesota, glanced at heriPod while driving with her cousin and a friend, both 17. Whenshe veered off the road and flipped her car into a ditch, she andher friend were killed.• Heading home from practice, Jonathan Chapman, a 16-year-oldhigh school basketball player from La Plata, Maryland, wasreportedly speeding when his car rammed an SUV. He and threefriends, ages 14 to 16, were killed.• Five days after graduating from high school, Bailey Goodman,17, of Fairport, New York, and four classmates were on their wayto her family’s cottage. Moments after text messages were exchangedon Bailey’s cell phone, she slammed into an oncomingtruck. All five teens were killed.READER’S DIGEST rd.com 08/08

PHOTOGRAPHED BY KEVIN IRBYCARCRASHESARE THE NO. 1KILLER OFTEENS. IT’STIME TO TAKEACTION.

More than 5,000 teenagers die incar accidents every year. “If we sawthese numbers coming back from awar zone, it would be on the front pageevery day,” says Vincent Leibell, a statesenator from New York, where some200 teens died in crashes in 2006.The numbers aren’t budging. Fatalitiesdid drop from the mid-’70sthrough the early ’90s, mainly becauseof tougher seat belt and drunk drivinglaws. But since then, the statisticshave remained stubbornly high, despiteimproved safety features in cars.Some of this is due to teens themselves.“Anytime you have immaturitycombined with inexperience, you havethe potential for disaster,” says NicoleNason, head of the National HighwayTraffic Safety Administration. “Andthat’s what you get with a 16-year-oldbehind the wheel.”But that’s not the whole story.Speed, distraction, and driver inexpe-rience cause most crashes—and thosethings can be controlled. “Thesedeaths should not be considered aninevitable part of the teen experience,”says Justin McNaull, director of staterelations for AAA. “We can changethis.” Here are three steps that willprevent crashes and save countlesslives—of teens and others on the road.1. TEACH YOUR KIDSPart of the reason for teens’ poor judgmentis hardwired: The brain’s prefrontalcortex—which handles taskslike controlling impulses—isn’t fullyformed. “Our brains get tons of inputfrom multiple places,” says FlauraWinston, MD, scientific director ofthe Center for Injury Research andPrevention at the Children’s Hospitalof Philadelphia. “Adults don’t act onall those impulses; we sort them. Butteens have a hard time doing this.”And they have a hard time under-ANATOMY OF A TEEN CAR ACCIDENT8:00 p.m.8:10 p.m.Jack, 17,drives toSophia’shouse on aFriday night.He’s late, so hespeeds. Speedingis a factor in 35% ofcrash deaths involving young drivers.JackcallsSophia totell herhe’s on hisway. Cellphone useincreases the crashrisk by 300%.

(BELOW) ILLUSTRATED BY JASON LEE; (RIGHT) ILLUSTRATED BY TREVOR JOHNSTONstanding what’s risky in a car.In a recent study, researcherssurveyed 5,600 teens and foundhuge gaps in their knowledge.One problem is that teens failto see certain behaviors as dangerous.Only 28 percent saidusing a cell phone is a risk, and10 percent said the same abouthaving other teens in the car.(They’re both big distractions,and boys in the car are moredistracting than girls.) Only halfcited speeding or not wearing aseat belt. Even if teens got the rightidea about a behavior—for instance,87 percent said drinking and driving isdangerous—they didn’t view it as theirproblem: Only 16 percent said theyever see it happen. (Some might belying; 25 percent of young driverskilled in crashes had been drinking.)The message for parents: Spell outthe dangers for your kids. It’s up toyou because only 20 percent ofschools offer driver ed today, downDANGER AFTER DARKNearly half of teen crash deaths happen at night.4 a.m.to noon1,134Unknown26 8 p.m.to 4 a.m.2,340Noonto 8 p.m.1,619SOURCE: NHTSA (2006)from 90 percent in the 1980s. Nasonsays, “You have a responsibility tomake sure your child isn’t going todrive into someone else head-on becausehe’s busy chatting on his cellphone and nobody’s told him, ‘Hangup the phone and drive the car.’”2. FIGHT FOR STRICTERSTATE LAWS“You don’t suddenly become a gooddriver when you turn 16,” Nason says.8:15 p.m.8:25 p.m.Hepicks upSophia.Addingone passengerincreasesthe fatalcrash risk by 48%.JackandSophiastop topick upMatt. A secondpassengerincreases thefatality risk by 158%.

WHICH STATES HAVE THE TOUGHEST LAWS?In a first-ever analysis, we examined each state’s graduated driver licensing, seat belt, andDUI laws and awarded points based on strictness. (Alaska gets more points in the seat beltcategory because anyone 16 and older who isn’t buckled up can be fined; New Hampshiregets fewer because it has no seat belt laws at all.) For complete methodology, go to rd.com.BESTAlaskaCaliforniaDelawareWashingtonIllinoisMaineIndianaOregonHawaiiGeorgiaKentuckyNorth CarolinaDistrict of ColumbiaGOODNew JerseyConnecticutNew YorkNebraskaMarylandOklahomaColoradoTennesseeAlabamaMissouriLouisianaUtahFAIRMassachusettsVermontMichiganOhioIowaVirginiaWisconsinPennsylvaniaNew MexicoTexasWest VirginiaArizonaFloridaNevadaWORSTNew HampshireKansasWyomingSouth CarolinaMississippiNorth DakotaMinnesotaIdahoRhode IslandSouth DakotaMontanaArkansasDATA FROM INSURANCEINSTITUTE FORHIGHWAY SAFETY“We need to ease teens into a lifelonghabit of good driving.”That’s the goal of graduated driverlicensing laws, which impose restrictionsbefore teens earn a full license.An ideal law would set the minimumage for a permit at 16, limit passengersto one, ban cell phones, prohibit drivingbetween 10 p.m. and 5 a.m., andnot allow a full license until age 18.8:30 p.m.8:40 p.m.Jackfiddleswith theradio tofind a goodsong. 87% ofteen deaths involvedistracted drivers;radios rank as a top teen distraction.Theyhit thedrivethroughon theirway to aparty. Eating atthe wheel causes2% of teen crashes.

These laws make sense. A recentstudy by Johns Hopkins University forthe AAA Foundation for Traffic Safetyfound that a tough phase-in law coulddecrease deaths among 16-year-olddrivers by 38 percent. “It’s clear thatgiving young drivers more time behindthe wheel with supervisionmakes a big difference,” says SusanBaker, the study’s coauthor.That was the case in Georgia, wherea graduated licensing law slashed fatalcrashes involving 16-year-old driversby 37 percent over five years and cutspeeding–related fatal crashes amongthe same age group by nearly half. Thelaw also imposes stiff penalties—including having a license taken awayfor up to a year—for speeding, recklessdriving, and other serious errors.Currently, 47 states have phase-inlaws, but few are as effective as theycould be. Only eight set the minimumage for a permit at 16. Fewer than tenprohibit driving after 10 p.m. And only12 have strict limits on passengers.THE TEENDEATH TOLLStates with the toughest driving lawstend to have lower fatality rates, butother factors count too. Rural roads(with higher speed limits, less traffic, andfewer nearby medical services) are a bigcrash risk. The following is a list of thetop 10 states in teen-driving fatalities per100,000 kids. Find the rest at rd.com.Wyoming 42.6Mississippi 42.1Montana 40.2Alabama 39.8Arkansas 37.5Missouri 37.4S. Dakota 36.9Tennessee 36.4Kentucky 35Oklahoma 33.8Kansas State Senator Phil Journeypushed for a bill to impose nighttime,passenger, and cell phone restrictionson teen drivers, but it failed in hisstate’s House of Representatives. Hesays the costs of refusing to act areobvious: “Statistically, we know thatsomebody’s going to leave home andis not going to survive because thisbill didn’t become law.” (To find outSOURCE: IIHS8:50 p.m. 9:00 p.m.Jack istired.Nearlyhalf ofteensare sleepdeprived,andyoung drivers cause55% of fatigue-related crashes.It’s nowdark.For thenextninehours, teensare three timesmore likely to die in acrash than during the day.

16: A RISKY AGEThe crash rate for 16-year-olds is nearlydouble the rate for 19-year-olds.2621151416 yrs. 17 18 19SOURCE: IIHSCrashes per million milesdriven in 2006how to lobby for tough laws in yourstate, see “Do More” on page 125.)The main obstacle is the belief thatstricter measures impinge on parents’right to decide when and with whomtheir kids drive. The reasons for thecomplaints vary: Some parents wanttheir teens to run errands unaccompanied;others want their kids to drivea farm truck as soon as possible.(That’s what sank the Kansas bill.)Vermont State Representative KathyLavoie, the mother of two teens, supportssome limitations but balks at anighttime restriction that would preventkids from driving to huntinggrounds in the early morning, whichteens in her state enjoy. “When itcomes to an infringement on parentalrights, I get nervous,” she says.Nason of the traffic safety administrationhas heard these objections before.“Fear of the ‘nanny state’ alwaysrears its head,” she says. “But a carcrash doesn’t just affect the person inthe car. It affects the people in the carthey hit.” Add in the costs to law enforcementand health care, she notes,and it’s hard to argue against puttingsociety’s interests ahead of parents’rights. In a recent study, AAA foundthat teen crashes cost the rest of usmore than $34 billion annually.Bradford Hill, the Massachusettsstate representative who sponsoredlegislation that cut speeding by 33 percentand reduced serious-injurycrashes by more than 40 percent, saidmost parents in his state support thelaw. “They say, ‘I’m so glad thesechanges were made,’” he says.Some teens feel the same way. InNew York, 18-year-old David Manganoof White Plains sees the value in hisstate’s law that limits teen passengersto two. “If you have a lot of people inthe car, it’s really hectic,” he says, “soit’s nice to have that restriction.”3. GET TOUGH AT HOMEEven if your state has weak laws (seepage 118), you can still set the rules foryour own teen. “You’re the parent,” saysAAA’s McNaull. “You control whenyour child gets licensed, you controlthe keys, and you control the car. Youcan put significant conditions in place.”Start by making sure your teen alwayswears a seat belt. “It’s the singlemost effective safety device in yourcar,” says Nason. But more than halfREADER’S DIGEST rd.com 08/08

of teen drivers killed on the road in2006 weren’t buckled up.You can also lay down your ownphase-in law. Set your teen’s nightdriving limit to no later than 10 p.m.,don’t allow more than one passenger,and ban cell phones—even with aheadset. “Using a phone with a headsetis of no benefit to an inexperienceddriver,” says University of Utah researcherDavid Strayer.If your teen balks? Too bad, saysArthur Kellermann, MD, an emergencyroom physician who’s also aninjury-prevention researcher at EmoryUniversity and the father of a 20-yearold.“This is tough love,” he says.Nicole Nason agrees: “Every timeyou say, ‘You don’t start this car withouta seat belt on, you can’t drive lateat night, this is not the party mobile,’you are saving your children’s lives.”TEACH YOUR TEEN TO DRIVE(WITHOUT DRIVING YOU BOTH NUTS)Randy Bleicher’sdaughter, Ashley, is 16½and got her learner’s permita year ago, but she won’t begetting her license anytimesoon. Bleicher says she’snot ready, and he shouldknow: He’s the chief drivinginstructor for the drivertrainingprogram DrivingSkills for Life. “Until she’stotally confident behind thewheel and I’m confident thatshe’s aware of what’s aroundher, she’s not getting herlicense,” he says. “Driving isa huge responsibility for herand for others on the road.”We asked Bleicher and otherdriving instructors what parentscan do to make suretheir kids are ready.Drive—a lot. Set a goalof practicing together forat least 50 hours before theroad test. More is better—William Van Tassel of AAArecommends 100 hours.Check your baggage.“You have a 16-year history,and you’re not leaving thatoutside the car,” Van Tasselsays. Ask yourselves beforeyou start, Do we have anyextreme conflicts right now?If you do, reschedule.Ease into it. Start outin an empty parking lot, andmove up to driving at lowspeed through a low-trafficneighborhood. Master thatbefore driving on a busystreet or highway.Practice controlling thevehicle. You need a way tointervene if your driver isheaded for a guardrail. In aparking lot at low speed,practice reaching over withyour left hand to take thewheel safely. R. B. Stiewingof the Skip Barber RacingSchool recommends tellingyour teen, “Don’t react towhat I’m doing. Keep yourhands on the wheel. WhenI’m done, you’re back tohaving control by yourself.”Tackle tough tasks.Once you’ve covered thebasics, expose your teento high-pressure situations,including night driving, badweather, crowded streets,and open highways. For parallelparking, set up plasticgarbage cans in a parking lot.Stay cool. Nerve-rackingmoments are inevitable. Beprepared, and be patient.“Don’t yell, either of you,”says Van Tassel. Take regularbreaks to decompress.Debrief. Ask your teenafterward, “What are threethings you did well and threethings we need to work on?”Improve your ownhabits. “Parents are a badexample,” Bleicher says. Doyou talk on your cell whiledriving? Now’s your chanceto change, because yournew driver is watching you.

When bad weatherhit, the Garners keptwarm with their dogMedusa’s help.READER’S DIGEST rd.com 06/08

THEY EXPECTED TO BE HOME BYMIDNIGHT. BUT WHEN A BLIZZARD BLEWIN, TOM AND TAMITHA GARNER’SPILGRIMAGE TO PHOTOGRAPHA HERD OF MUSTANGS TURNED INTOA FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL.BY KENNETH MILLERPHOTOGRAPHED BY TOM SPITZ

In the high desert of southwest Utahlives a band of feral horses known asthe Sulphur Herd. These small, toughanimals have galloped the dusty hillssince the late 1500s, when their ancestorsstrayed from the encampmentsof the conquistadores. Isolated for fivecenturies by the 9,000-foot peaks ofthe Needle Range, they are nearlyidentical to their Spanish forebears.For mustang lovers, a visit to theherd’s habitat is an almost mysticaljourney—a voyage to a time when theWest was truly wild. On a Saturday inJanuary, Tom and Tamitha Garnerwere making that pilgrimage in theirDodge Dakota. The couple turned offHighway 56 near Modena and headednorth up a dirt road into Hamblin Valley.Soon they’d entered a stark terrainof sagebrush and red earth. Adusting of snow lay on the road, deepeninggradually as the truck climbedtoward the mountains.For about 20 miles, the going waseasy. Then the pickup crested a hill,cruised down the other side, and becametrapped in a bumper-deep patchof white. Tom, who’d brought along ashovel, could have dug out the truckand driven back to town. But he figuredthis was a lone drift. Besides, thetrip was his wife’s 39th-birthday present.He wasn’t about to let her down.He cleared a path, gunned the truckover the next rise—and there, in agrove of aspens, stood the horses.Entranced, the Garners stopped andbegan snapping photos. When themustangs trotted off, the couple gotback in the pickup and followed. Beforelong, they were getting stuckevery few yards; the digging grew increasinglydifficult. Returning the waythey came was no longer an option:The road was too narrow and snowy toturn around in, the hills too slipperyto navigate in reverse. It was 4 p.m.,and darkness was approaching. “Iguess we’ll be spending the night,”Tom said. “I’ll get you home tomorrowif I have to shovel the whole road.”“You better,” Tamitha laughed.Neither knew something else was onits way: a brutal wave of blizzards.Some people wander into disaster’spath at random; others, like the Garners,are led by overpowering desire.In most respects, the two were modelsof practicality. Tom, 41, was a printingpress operator; Tamitha was anurse’s assistant at a home for the elderly.They shared a modest home inKearns, a Salt Lake City suburb, withtheir 19-year-old daughter, Krystal.The only hints of their unruly passionswere their pets and their photographs.The Garners had two dogs, two rabbits,four cats, and several terrariumsfull of tarantulas. Their computer’shard drive was crammed with snapshotsof wild beasts—winged, clawed,and hoofed. Tom and Tamitha wereas crazy about animals as they weresane about almost everything else.Their favorite subject was wildhorses. Tom was drawn to theirbeauty; for Tamitha, they representedfreedom. Several times a year, the couplewould load their cameras into thepickup and head for mustang country.READER’S DIGEST rd.com 06/08

KIMERLEE CURYLFor this trip, they’d driven 400 milesto central Nevada and spent Friday—Tamitha’s birthday—shooting horsesthey’d visited on previous outings. Thehighlight was to come on the wayhome, when they would meet the SulphurHerd for the first time. They’dleft their daughter with a rough ideaof their itinerary, but the plan had beento stay for a few hours and be back inKearns around midnight. Now they’dneed to bed down in the truck instead.They tried to call Krystal on theircell phones. No signal. Rummagingthrough the pickup’s cab, they tookinventory of their supplies. To eat: twodozen granola bars, a jar of peanut butter,and a jar of jam. To drink: 36 smallbottles of water. They also had twoafghans, two reflective emergencyblankets, and a bag of dog food forMedusa, their basenji mix. A suitcaseheld jeans, sweatshirts, and tees.Tamitha had an insulated denimcoat, but Tom’s jacket was unlined.Their only shoes werethe sneakers ontheir feet. If theycould get out inthe morning,they’d be fine. But the wind wasalready beginning to blow harder.TOM GUNNED THE TRUCK OVERTHE NEXT RISE—AND THERESTOOD THE HORSES.Night fell. Tom and Tamitha ate a granolabar apiece, snuggled under theblankets with Medusa, and tried tosleep. They ran the heater periodically,but it didn’t do much good. Thetemperature outside was dropping;soon it reached five below zero.By 2 a.m., 50-mile-an-hour gustswere buffeting the pickup, and thewindows were blanketed with snow.Tamitha, who had diabetes and ulcers,began to tremble. Tom held her, andthey dozed off. When they awokearound five, the storm had entered alull and Tamitha had recovered somefight. “Either you digout this truck or I’mgoing to,” she said.It was still dark, butTom put on someextra layers andgave it a try.While he wasdigging, Tamithasaid a prayer. Ona pad of paper, shescribbled a simpleFor years,the Garners haddreamed of visitingthe 300-memberSulphur Herd.

will, followed by a goodbye letter toKrystal. “I’m so proud of you,” shewrote, “even if we argued sometimes.Tell Grandma and Grandpa and mybrothers I love them.” She hid the documentsin the glove compartment.After an hour of shoveling, Tomstarted the engine. The truck lurchedforward ten yards, then foundered.And despite the garbage bags he’dwrapped around his socks to keepthem dry, his feet were soaked.“Too much snow,” he said. “I’m sosorry I got you into this.”Tamitha hugged him. “We got intoit together. We’ll get out together too.”Back in Kearns, Krystal was frantic.Usually, Tamitha phoned or sent textmessages several times a day. NowKrystal’s calls were going straight tovoice mail. “Mom,” she said, “whereare you? Are you hurt?”By Sunday evening, Krystal hadalerted other family members. Hergrandparents and an uncle, Tamitha’sbrother Jack Retallick, set up a commandpost in the Garners’ living room.All they knew was that Tom andTamitha were somewhere near theborder of southern Utah and Nevada.Krystal contacted the Salt LakeCounty sheriff’s department, whichalerted authorities in the Garners’ lastknown locations. The relatives begancalling hospitals, ranger stations, thehighway patrol. No one could offerany information. And no one was willingto mount a search-and-rescue operationfor a couple who seemed tohave taken an extra day of vacation.In Hamblin Valley, the blizzard worsened,the wind piling drifts around thepickup. Tom, who’d been an EagleScout, knew it was best to stay put andGETTING WET WAS THEGREATEST DANGER—ASHORTCUT TO HYPOTHERMIA.wait for rescuers. Besides, getting wetwas the greatest danger—a shortcutto hypothermia. He and Tamitha spentMonday huddled under the blankets,smoking cigarettes and listening to theradio—talk shows and weather reports,all bemoaning the storm.Tamitha grew weaker by the hour,occasionally vomiting blood. AfterTom found her will, she persuadedhim to write his own. That night, whenhe ate a granola bar, she left hers untouched.Once he was snoring, shestashed it under the seat. Tom mightneed it later, but she surely wasn’tgoing to live until morning.To her surprise, she woke on Tuesdayfeeling stronger. The blizzard waspetering out, and a crowd of mustangspeered at the truck through the trees.“Look, Tom,” Tamitha whispered.“Our guardian angels.”The Garners didn’t know it, butsearchers were now trying to trackthem down. Jack had found a fileREADER’S DIGEST rd.com 06/08

marked “Mustangs” on the couple’scomputer, with downloads showinglocations of various herds. He’d passedalong that data to the authorities.Hundreds of volunteers—along withmembers of several county sheriff’sdepartments and the Utah and NevadaCivil Air Patrol—were combing 5,000square miles of frigid wilderness.Although the wind was still howling,the couple could hear airplanesflying somewhere over the cloudcover—one every 50 minutes or so.Tom, remembering a scouting survivaltip, cut the vanity mirror off the truck’svisor. When he heard an engine, heleaned out the window and flasheda signal. After sunset, he used theheadlights, flickering them in setsof three.The rescue efforts were so widelyscattered, though, that few searcherscame near the Garners. Most of thepassing aircraft were commercialjets. Even when a search plane circledhalf a mile away, it was easy tomiss a gray truck buried in snow.That night, while her husbandslept, Tamitha tried a handful ofdog food. Tom would never eat it,she thought, and it wasn’t that bad.She’d leave the rest of the granolabars for him.sneakers. “We might make it,” Tomtold his wife, “but we’d lose our feet tofrostbite and spend the rest of ourlives in wheelchairs.” He’d seen a DiscoveryChannel documentary inwhich a couple in similar straits hadmade snowshoes out of their car seats.They spent Saturday getting readyand planned to leave the next day.To make one pair of snowshoes, Tomcut two squares of foam out of thebackseats. He and Tamitha crammednecessities into their suitcase anda garbage bag. Along with dry clothing,blankets, and the remaining food,“We had to gethome for her,”says Tamithaof daughterKrystal.As the days passed, and the cycleof storm and clearing continued,the Garners realized that their besthope of survival was to abandonthe truck and walk back the waythey’d come. But they knew theycouldn’t hike 20 miles wearing only

they packed a tool kit, three umbrellas,and their camera equipment—theycouldn’t bear to leave it behind.On Sunday, it snowed. Tamithagroaned at the delay, but the couplespent the day communicating in a waythey hadn’t since their courtship. Theytalked about favorite movies andmusic. They made plans to renovatetheir house. Tamitha wanted a purplebedroom; Tom wasn’t so sure.Their cell phone alarms rang at sixthe next morning. Tom cut up thefront seats for the second pair ofsnowshoes and fastened both sets totheir feet with bungee cords. Snowdriftsblocked the truck doors, so heheaved the suitcase and garbage bagout the window. Medusa jumped out,and the Garners squeezed out after her.The snow in the roadway rangedfrom knee- to hip-deep, but Tom’s improvisedfootwear kept him from sinkingmore than a few inches, even withthe weight of the suitcase he carried.Tamitha, dragging the garbage bag,wasn’t so lucky. The snowshoes fitpoorly on her smaller feet; they keptcoming loose, and after an hour or so,she tore them off in exasperation. Tomstrapped them to his back for later use.“I’ll make you a trail,” he said. Hewalked sideways, tamping down thesnow by putting his left foot where hisright had been, then using the suitcaseto flatten the space between.The technique worked, but itslowed their progress even more. Bylate afternoon, their energy was spent.They’d made it only a couple of miles.They set up camp in a pine grove,laying their blankets beneath thecanopy of branches. After gathering apile of twigs, they sprayed it with flammabledeodorant and ignited it with acigarette lighter. They propped theirsneakers near the flames to dry. Then,sheltered by their umbrellas and usingthe snowshoes as cushions, they satby the fire until they stopped shivering.When Tamitha took off her gloves,Tom saw that the fingers of her rightBY AFTERNOON, THEIR ENERGYWAS SPENT. THEY’D MADE ITONLY A COUPLE OF MILES.hand looked blue—a sign of frostbite.Again he told her how sorry he was.“Don’t be,” she said. “If we come out ofthis alive, what’s a few fingers? I’ll justlearn to brush my teeth differently.”They spent most of the night at thefire. Before dawn, the sky cleared anda shooting star streaked overhead.“See that?” Tom said. “I think we’regoing to make it.”By the second Tuesday after Tom andTamitha’s disappearance, authoritieshad given them up for dead. Investigators,suspecting foul play, werechecking pawnshops along the Nevadaborder for the couple’s possessions.Searchers were looking for corpses.Meanwhile, the Garners—hungryand exhausted—kept walking. The dayREADER’S DIGEST rd.com 06/08

Ewas sunny, in the 40s, and the slushy Even when everyone else around hersnow made every step a chore. After a was losing hope, Krystal had stayedfew miles, Tom wanted nothing more optimistic. “I knew how bullheadedthan to lie down. Tamitha saw him my mom and dad were,” she recalls.wavering. “Come on,” she shouted. “I figured they’d come back home. I“Krystal’s waiting! Can’t you hear her? just didn’t know when.”She’s yelling, ‘Daddy, I need you!’” She drove 300 miles with her uncleTo lighten their loads, they transferreda few essentials to the garbage the extended family gathered at herJack to a hospital in Cedar City, wherebag. Before long, however, they were parents’ bedside. That evening, Tomboth too tired to continue. As they and Tamitha ate a hearty dinner, theirmade camp, they heard coyotes howling.They hoped their fire would keep with dehydration as well as frostbit-first in 12 days. They were diagnosedpredators away.ten hands and feet. To the doctors’On the road Wednesday morning, amazement, they were otherwise unharmedand unlikely to suffer anythe snow began to thin, which meantTom could abandon his clumsy snowshoes.Tamitha, though, began to hal-The couple were discharged frompermanent damage.lucinate. She heard laughter, smelled the hospital the next morning. Theysizzling steak and baking cookies. didn’t go straight home, however. FirstAnd she found herself growing they attended the funeral of a stranger:angry. She quarreled with Tom about Leroy Davenport, 37, a local volunteerwhich way to turn at a fork in the path; who’d spent the previous Saturdaythey clashed again when she spotted searching for them. He’d gone to beda No Trespassing sign on a fence post feeling ill and died in his sleep of anand wanted to see if there was a house undiagnosed heart condition. Thebeyond it. He won both arguments, Garners embraced Davenport’s widowand she stormed off ahead of him. and offered tearful thanks.Tamitha was alone when she heard Within two weeks, Tom and Tamithathe sound of an engine. “That damn were back at their jobs. But their sojournin the snow had changed them.wind,” she muttered. Then she roundedthe bend and saw a beautiful sight: a In the future, they would travel moreroad grader, laboring uphill with its carefully and cherish each other—andsnowplow lowered. She ran toward it, their daughter—more deeply. In fact,waving the emergency blanket and they planned to revisit the site of theiryelling, “Thank you!”ordeal after the spring thaw, to see theAs Tom and Medusa straggled up, wild horses once again and renewthe driver asked, “Are you the couple their wedding vows.everyone’s been looking for?”“Our bond is stronger than ever,”“Yes!” Tamitha shouted, wrapping Tamitha says. “We’ve been to hell andhim in a bone-crushing hug.back and lived to tell.” ■

Nearly 30% of us stoptaking our medicinesbefore we should.Why playing doctor canbe a dangerous game.Take as DirectedBY IRENE S. LEVINE, PHDCindy McCain was eating brunch with friends in Phoenixwhen she suddenly couldn’t speak. All that came out wasgibberish. Rushed to the hospital, McCain, a businesswomanand the wife of Senator John McCain, had suffered a stroke.She believes her brain bled after she’d stopped taking bloodpressure medication. She was feeling fine in the monthsbefore the stroke, so she took the pills “only once in a while.”More than four years later, McCain, now 54, has recovered,with only some short-term memory loss and difficultygrasping things with her right hand. She has changed herdiet, she exercises, and, most important, she takes bloodpressure medication—regularly.Many of us don’t think twice about ditching our medicinesbefore the prescriptions run out. We dislike the sideeffects, we feel better, we don’t feel better, we can’t affordthe pills, we simply forget. But the risks of stopping suddenlyare real. And many doctors don’t understand these risksILLUSTRATED BY THOMAS FUCHS

Take the Tried-and-TrueAll things being equal, it’sprudent to take older drugswhose side effects are knowninstead of new drugs thathave less data.“It has always been unfortunatebut unavoidablethat some adverse effectsmay not become apparentuntil a drug has been inwide use,” says Peter J.Pitts, president of the Centerfor Medicine in the PublicInterest and a former associatecommissioner forthe FDA. Sometimes it takesyears and millions of usersfor a pattern to emerge.When you get a prescriptionfor a new drug,ask your doctor why the newdrug is a better choice foryou than something long onthe market. Also ask aboutany known serious side effects.And read any printoutsfrom the pharmacy beforeyou take a new medication.Speak up. Trust yourinstincts. If you experienceany new physical or mentalsymptoms, consult yourpharmacist or physicianas soon as possible. Reportany adverse side effectsto the FDA (www.fda.gov/medwatch or 800-332-1088)and the pharmaceuticalmanufacturer.any better than we do. “How to go offmedicines isn’t routinely studied andremains more of an art than a science,”says Jack E. Fincham, PhD, a pharmacyprofessor at the University of Missouri-Kansas City School of Pharmacy. Hereare some common reasons for stoppinga medicine and what you shouldknow before you do.(“I wasfeeling fine”Seven-year-old Nicolas Gerlock’sstrep throat was being treated withten days of antibiotics. But after eightdays, the boy’s fever and sorenesswere gone, and he was balking at takingmore medicine. “I shouldn’t havegiven in,” says his mother, JenniferGerlock of Frederick, Maryland. Sheshelved the medicine, but a few dayslater, Nick’s voice was raspy, and thefever spiked again. Eight days afterNick started a second round of antibiotics,Gerlock figured the bug hadto be dead, and her little complainerwasn’t making things easy. So shestopped the medication early again—and the infection resurged. “We areon our third round of antibiotics, andwe are finishing this one,” she says.BOTTOM LINE Feeling better doesnot mean that all the bacteria havebeen killed or that an infection hasbeen eradicated. Partially treated,strep can affect the heart and kidneys,for instance. Stopping too soon mayalso contribute to the rising problemof antibiotic-resistant bacteria.People with chronic conditions likehigh blood pressure and type 2 diabetesoften stop taking pills becausethey feel no symptoms to begin with.Always ask your doctor how long youneed to take a prescribed medication.readersdigest.com 09/08

(“I didn’t like theside effects”College student Jenny Bullough hadalways hated the fatigue and painfulperiods that came with her epilepsymedication. So after two years withouta seizure, she quit taking the drug.“In my youthful arrogance and ignorance,”she says, “I decided that theside effects weren’t worth it.”But within a week, she had twoepisodes, one a grand mal seizure onthe day of a final exam. “I missed theexam entirely,” she says. “Luckily, myprofessor took pity on me and let memake it up.” Now 36 and living inToronto, Bullough takes an anticonvulsantthat has fewer side effects—and she knows she’ll be on it for good.BOTTOM LINE You don’t have tostop medication to get rid of annoyingside effects. A lower dose or aswitch to another drug can help. Seebox, right.(“I didn’t wantto get addicted”Sonya Carr, 27, a sales manager inSan Jose, California, had been takingPaxil, an antidepressant, for about sixmonths. But “having heard and seenstories about withdrawal,” she says, “Iwas worried about physical dependence.”Carr quit the drug cold turkey.“I didn’t eat or sleep for three days.And I had the shocks, a tingly feeling,especially in my hands.” Moody andirritable for two weeks, she eventhought of suicide.BOTTOM LINE Stopping SSRIs (themost commonly prescribed type ofantidepressant) may cause withdrawalsymptoms, but addiction isn’t toblame. “Addiction is a specific condition,”says Nada Stotland, MD, presidentof the American PsychiatricAssociation. “An addict craves thedrug and has serious withdrawalsymptoms without it. You don’t getDealing withSide EffectsAll medications have risks and benefits.Weigh both sides of the equation withyour doctor, and be prepared by askingyourself these questions:> Do I feel normal, or does somethingfeel really out of whack?> Do I feel unusually depressed, anxious,or uncertain?> Do I have blood in my stool or urine?> Am I very drowsy, dizzy, or confused?> Am I troubled by being unable tosleep, eat, or take part in activities thatI normally enjoy?If you answered yes to one or moreof these questions, you and your doctormay decide to:> Lower the dose.> Change the way you take the medication(e.g., combine it with meals).> Switch to another medication.> Try a drug-free period (sometimescalled a drug holiday) to see if sideeffects are medication-related.> Discontinue medication completely(perhaps making lifestyle changes orusing natural remedies).

Dangers of Stopping SuddenlyDRUG TYPE NAME USED FORPOSSIBLE RISKSOF STOPPINGAnticonvulsantsDILANTINEpilepsySeizures or convulsionsAntiplateletmedicationsPLAVIX,ASPIRINCoronary heartdiseaseBlood clots can develop, leadingto heart attack or strokeAntiviralmedicationsTRIZIVIRHIVResistance to the medication,progression to AIDS,opportunistic infectionsleading to deathAromatase inhibitors(AIs), selectiveestrogen receptormodulators (SERMs)ARIMIDEX,TAMOXIFENCutting risk ofrecurrence inwomen treated forbreast cancerIncreasedchance of diseaserecurrenceBeta-blockersLOPRESSORCoronary heartdiseaseChest pain, heart attackCorticosteroidsPREDNISONERheumatologicand inflammatoryconditionsDizziness andlife-threatening lowblood pressureNarcotics/opioidsVICODIN,MORPHINE,OXYCODONESevere painInsomnia, nausea,increased blood pressureand heart rateOral hypoglycemicmedicationsGLUCOTROL,DIABETA,METFORMINDiabetesDangerously highblood sugar that canlead to comaSSRIantidepressantsLEXAPRO,PAXIL,PROZAC,ZOLOFTDepression,anxietyRecurrence ofdepression, bad dreams,suicidal thoughtsStimulantsADDERALLAttention deficitdisorderDepression,extreme fatiguereadersdigest.com 09/08

addicted to prescription medicationsunless you overuse or abuse pain oranxiety medications—and only certainones.” SSRI withdrawal symptoms canbe avoided by tapering off.(“It was tooexpensive”LuzMarina Rico, a 44-year-old mother of three inOssining, New York, washospitalized earlierthis year for severeheadaches. After abattery of tests, shewas discharged with ahandful of prescriptions,one for anti-migraine pills thatcost $30 apiece at her local pharmacy.Her family was able to fill the first prescription,but $540 for a bottle of pillsis close to the amount of her husband’sweekly paycheck. Without insurance,“there is no way we can afford it,” saysher daughter Cristina.Rico isn’t the only patient feeling thesqueeze. Prescription drug prices haveincreased at nearly three times therate of inflation over the past 12 years.And while a $20 drug co-pay used tobe the norm, many insurance companiesnow pass along up to a third ofthe costs of certain expensive drugs.BOTTOM LINE “Ask your doctor ifthere are less expensive but equallyeffective alternatives,” such as generics,says Glen Stettin, MD, vice presidentof Medco, a pharmacy benefitmanagement firm. If appropriate,splitting larger-dose pills can giveyou twice the doses for the sameco-pay. You may also qualify for freeor discounted medicines (try needymeds.com or the Partnership for PrescriptionAssistance at 888-477-2669or pparx.org). And ConsumersUnion offers free downloadableguides on how to save.(“I heard abouta new study”Bonnie Russell of DelMar, California, tookhormone therapy fornearly a decade. Sheabruptly quit afterreading news reportsabout a link between Premarinand increased risk of breast cancer.“The hot flashes soon returned,” saysthe family legal advocate. Like Russell,many women have decided they’drather live with the symptoms of men -opause than with the fear of breastcancer or stroke.BOTTOM LINE Headlines with newinformation about drugs can be alarming.Don’t panic. Data from clinicaltrials is often complex and hard to interpretin a short news report. “Andthese reports may have an impact ononly a small percentage of patientsusing the drug,” explains Dr. Stettin.No matter how hyped the headline,it’s safer to check with your doctorfirst about when and how to stop.Additional reporting by Nancy CoveneyHave you experienced side effects froma medicine? Join our online discussion atreadersdigest.com/medicine.

Our 50Funnıest(True!)StoriesGaffes!Retorts!Idiocy!Genius!EDITED BY JILL KRASNYThe year was 1943. Readers were sending intheir hysterical true stories in droves, and theeditors here had a revelation: “Great! Cheaplabor!” And thus was born Life in These UnitedStates, the first of our humor departments, whichwas soon followed by All in a Day’s Work andHumor in Uniform. One of the early stories: Awealthy New Yorker, “dressed in the Abercrombie& Fitch version of What a Man Should Wear in theWilderness,” walks up to a laconic Maine lobsterman. “I seeyou are using fish bait for lobsters. You think it’s good, doyou?” he asks. The lobsterman shakes his head. “No, I don’t.But the lobsters do.”Since then, readers have sent us over 20 million truestories and jokes, about 100,000 of which we’ve published.And now we’re bringing you the best of the best.ILLUSTRATED BY ZOHAR LAZAR VIGNETTE ILLUSTRATIONS BY JOHN KASCHTreadersdigest.com 09/08

Ill Defined1We were really confused. Whiletranscribing medical audiotapes,a colleague came upon the followinggarbled diagnosis: “This man haspholenfrometry.”Knowing nothing about that particularcondition, she double-checkedwith the doctor. After listening to thetape, he shook his head.“This man,” he said, translating forher, “has fallen from a tree.”Patricia Longbottom2Hospital regulations require awheelchair for patients being discharged.However, while working asa student nurse, I found an elderly gentlemanalready dressed and sitting onthe bed with a suitcase at his feet—who insisted he didn’t need my help toleave the hospital.After a chat about rules being rules,he reluctantly let me wheel him to theelevator. On the way down, I asked ifhis wife was meeting him.“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s stillBeing ThereWhen is comedyhistory? When youhad to be thereto really get it.We opened theReader’s Digestvaults for thesestellar examples.upstairs in the bathroom changing outof her hospital gown.” Patsy R. Dancey3One crazy day in our pediatricclinic saw me hand a young patienta urine sample container and tellhim to fill it up in the bathroom. A fewminutes later, he returned to mynurse’s station with an empty cup.“I didn’t need this after all,” he said.“There was a toilet in there.”Linda Feikle4I was already a nervous wreckabout my upcoming surgery. Itdidn’t help matters when the admittingnurse asked me, “Have you had ahysterectomy before?” Terry WisenerDo the Right Thing5Watching a movie recently, Icouldn’t hear the dialogue overthe chatter of the two women in frontof me. Unable to bear it any longer, Itapped one of them on the shoulder.“Excuse me,” I said. “I can’t hear.”“I should hope not,” she answered.“This is a private conversation.”David Carver> 1940s> 1950s“Once in Virginia,” said aThe best advice11 speaker who had received an 12 I ever receivedintroduction that promised morecame to me from my ensignthan he felt he could deliver, “I passedwhen I was a Wave ata small church displaying a large sign. boot camp. She told me,It read ‘Annual Strawberry Festival’ “To stay out of trouble,and, below in small letters, ‘On accountsay ‘Yes, sir’ all day andof the Depression, prunes will ‘No, sir’ all night.”be served.’ ” Boston TranscriptAnonymousreadersdigest.com 09/08

6My husband decided to install alight switch in our master bedroom.Cutting into the wall, he discovereda stash of bottles and boxes.“Honey!” he called excitedly.“Come see what I found!”I ran in and quickly realizedthat his next taskwould be to fix the holehe had made in theback of our medicinecabinet. Nola PirartWedded Blitz7The minute I walkedinto the post office, thepostmaster noticed the new earringsmy husband had given me.“Those must be real diamonds,” shesaid.“Yes,” I said. “How could you tell?”“Because,” she said, “no one buysfake diamonds that small.”Deborah Caudell8When a woman in my office recentlybecame engaged, a colleagueoffered her some advice. “Thefirst ten years are the hardest,” she said.“How long have you been married?”I asked.“Ten years,” she replied.Tonya Winter9“What is that sound?”a woman visiting ournature center asked.“It’s the frogs trillingfor a mate,” Patti, thenaturalist, explained.“We have a pair in thescience room. Butthey’ve been togetherfor so long, they nolonger sing to each other.”The woman nodded sympathetically.“The trill is gone.”Child’s PlayKathyJo TownsonWe rushed our four-year-old10 son, Ben, to the emergencyroom with a terrible cough, high fever,and vomiting. The doctor did anexam, then asked Ben what botheredhim the most. After thinking it over,Ben said hoarsely, “I would have tosay my little sister.” Angela Schmid> 1960s> 1970sA friend and I were13 hitchhiking, but no onewould stop. “Maybe it’s ourlong hair,” I joked. With that,my friend scrawled on a pieceof cardboard: “Going to thebarber’s.” Within seconds wehad our ride. Raymond ButkusA male friend of mine, an engineer at an aircraft14 company, works for a woman supervisor. Anactive member of women’s lib groups, she often showsup at work wearing buttons featuring feminist slogans.One day, her latest button, “Adam was a rough draft,”proved too much for my friend. The next day, heshowed up at work sporting his own button: “Eve wasno prime rib.”Phyllis Reely

The teacher in one of our local15 grade schools was showing acopy of the Declaration of Independenceto her pupils. It passed from deskto desk and finally to Luigi, a firstgenerationAmerican. The boy studiedthe document reverently. Then,before passing it on, he gravely addedhis own signature. Katherine T. FloydOn the way back from a Cub16 Scouts meeting, my grandsonasked my son the question. “Dad, Iknow that babies come from mommies’tummies, but how do they getthere in the first place?” he askedinnocently.After my son hemmed and hawedfor a while, my grandson finally spokeup in disgust. “You don’t have to makesomething up, Dad. It’s okay if youdon’t know the answer.” Harry NeidigDriving with my two young17 boys to a funeral, I tried to preparethem by talking about burial andwhat we believe happens after death.The boys behaved well during theservice. But at the gravesite, I discoveredmy explanations weren’t as thoroughas I’d thought. In a loud voice,my four-year-old asked, “Mom?”“Yes,” I whispered.“What’s in the box?” Ginny RichardsA family was celebrating their18 daughter’s fifth birthday at alocal restaurant when the little girl’sfather noticed her looking sadly at amoose head on the wall. Someone hadplaced a party hat on its head. Her fatherknelt beside her and explainedwhy some people hunt animals.“I know all that,” the child sobbed.“But why did they have to shoot himat his birthday party?” Jerry BundickOn the last night of our childbirthclasses, our teacher took19us to see the maternity center.We were gathered by the door whena woman, clearly in labor, and hernervous husband came rushing in.When he saw our group of pregnantwomen, he panicked: “Oh, my God.Look at the size of that line!”Rachel ZeboskiWe had just finished listening20 to an old Simon and Garfunkel> 1980s> 1990sWhile I was shopping in a pharmacy, a coupleMy brother Jim was25 of teenagers came in. They were dressed 26 hired by a governmentin leather, chains, and safety pins. The boy had blueand purple spiked hair and the girl’s hair was brightyellow. Suddenly the boy picked up a pair of sunglassesand tried them on. “What do you think?” he askedhis girlfriend.“Take them off!” she howled. “They make youagency and assigned to a smalloffice cubicle in a large area.At the end of his first day, herealized he had no idea how toget out. He wandered around,lost in the maze of cubicleslook ridiculous.”Audrey Kelly and corridors. Just as panicreadersdigest.com 09/08

tune when my young daughter asked,“Well, did he?”“Did he what?” I asked back.“Did Parsley save Rosemary intime?”Ron PearceA woman from our office21 brought in her new bundle ofjoy along with her seven-yearoldson. Everyone gatheredaround the baby,and the little boy asked,“Mommy, can I havesome money to buy asoda?”“What do you say?”she said.He replied, “You’rethin and beautiful.”The woman reached intoher purse and gave her son the money.On the ClockMercury NickseWhen a nun collapsed in the22 sales representative’s office atour time-share resort, the rep ran tothe front-desk manager.“Two nuns walked into the sales office,and one of them fainted!” sheyelled breathlessly.Unfazed, the manager just lookedat her.“Well,” said the rep, “aren’t yougoing to do anything?”He replied, “I’m waiting for thepunch line.”Donna CaplanAlthough desperatefor work, 23I passed on a job thatI’d found on an employmentwebsite. Itwas for a wastewaterplant operator. Amongthe job requirements:“Must be able to swim.”Michael LeamonsMy first job was wrappinghams at a meat-24packing plant. One day, I was headingout the main gate right behind awoman who was rather rotund. Or soI thought. Just as she passed the guardshack, a ham dropped from her skirt.Before the guard could react, shewheeled around, shouting, “All right,who threw the ham?” Roger Schoenbegan to set in, he came uponanother employee in a cubicle.“How do you get out of here?”Jim asked.The fellow smiled and said,“No cheese for you.”Christine Probasco> 2000sI am five feet three inches tall and pleasingly27 plump. After I had a minor accident, mymother accompanied me to the emergency room.The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, andI blurted out, “Five-foot-eight and 125 pounds.”“Sweetheart,” my mother gently chided, “this isnot the Internet.” M. M.

At 36, Fasano isbackup catcherfor the RichmondBraves, Atlanta’stop farm club.

P H O T OGR A P HED B Y MA R C A S N I NSal Fasano refused performanceenhancingdrugs and watched rivalsgrow bigger—and richer. But, heasks, who’s the real ballplayer?CleanMr.TThere was, once, temptation.The year was 2000, and Salvatore FrankFasano was a struggling major-leaguebaseball player batting .214 as a reservecatcher with the Oakland Athletics. Allaround him, he saw players suddenly, well,growing. Bigger. Stronger. More powerful.They had left at the end of the ’99 seasonwith pretzel-thin arms and twiggylegs, then returned as members of somesort of Incredible Hulk tribute band.Fasano, meanwhile, was as lumpy andfleshy as ever—a saggy belly, waterballoontriceps, a mashed-potato physique.“In this game, people notice how youlook,” says Brian Johnson, a formerB Y J E F F P E A R L M A N

major-league catcher. “Sal didn’t looktoo good.”So it was that Fasano found himselfon the phone with his younger brotherMike, a former professional powerlifter who knew a thing or two aboutthe effectiveness of performanceenhancingdrugs. “I never used, butthey were all over the sport,” saysMike. “Well, there was this guy in thegym where I was working out whoEwas selling this undetectable steroidthat made people really big.”Ever since Fasano was selectedby Kansas City in the 37th round ofthe 1993 June amateur draft, friendsand family members have watched indismay as he’s been bypassed andoverlooked. The routine became mindnumbinglyfamiliar: Fasano would putup great minor-league numbers, sniffa promotion—and then hear that anotherplayer was getting the nod. “Itfrustrated Sal, but it really frustratedme,” says Mike. “All I wanted was forhim to get a legitimate shot.”Hence, the phone call:Mike: “Sal, I think you really shouldconsider taking stuff.”Sal: “I just don’t know …”Mike: “Look around you. I know alot of guys are doing it—it’s obvious.Why not make yourself better?”Sal: “It doesn’t seem right.”Mike: “Right? You can be either amediocre player or a great player. Youcan make either $200,000 a year or$10 million a year.”For the ensuing couple of minutes,Sal Fasano thought about it. Really,really thought about it. He grew up inHanover Park, Illinois, dreaming ofone day reaching the major leagues.While other kids were chasing girlsor hanging out on the corner, Sal couldbe found at the nearest sandlot, hisclothes coated in dirt, his smile aswide as Lake Michigan. He was nineyears old the first time he picked up abat. When he heard of this thing calledLittle League, he begged his parentsto sign him up. To Vincenzo andNella Fasano, fresh-off-the-boat Italianimmigrants from Calabria, if theirlittle Sammy (as Sal was nicknamed)needed to partake in this odd ritualwith a stick of wood, so be it.“My first team was the Hanover ParkBraves,” he says. “The very first gameI ever played in, I hit a home run.”Fasano had watched his father workas a carpenter, his mother as a custodian.As he honed his skills on thebaseball diamond, he began to cravethe golden ring—the fame and fortunethat accompanied major-league success.He wanted … the dream.Sal: “Mike, ten years from now, I’mgonna have to look at myself in the mirror,and I’m gonna ask myself whetherI did it the right way. I might be a fool,but I have to be true to myself.”And that was that.Eight years later, Fasano is here, sittingat a table inside Bethlehem BrewWorks in Pennsylvania, picking over aslab of grilled chicken with his righthand and twirling a canister of Copenhagenin his left. He is a large man,six-two, 265 pounds, with brown eyes,READER’S DIGEST rd.com 08/08

puffy lips, and cheeks coated by threeday-oldscruff. In a couple of hours,he will report to nearby Coca-ColaPark, where he will sit on the benchand chew tobacco as his RichmondBraves take on the Lehigh Valley IronPigs in a remarkably unremarkableTriple-A baseball game. He is, at 36, abackup minor-league catcher,‘traveling via bus from onesmall town to another,lodging in ComfortInns and HowardTen yearsfrom now, I’mgonna have tolook in the mirrorand ask myselfwhether I didit the rightway.Johnsons, playingbefore small crowdsin poorly lit stadiumsand spreadingout the allotted $20-per-day meal moneyon Burger King breakfastsand KFC lunches.Ever since Fasano made thedecision not to use steroids, his lifehas been a Crash Davis-esque ode tothe hypnotic, dizzying lure our nationalpastime has on its participants.His career transactions read this way:On May 22, 2001, the Royals purchasedFasano’s contract from the A’s. On June24, 2001, he was traded by the Royalsto the Rockies. On December 21, 2001,he was granted free agency by theRockies. On January 11, 2002, he wassigned as a free agent by the TampaBay Devil Rays. On June 1, 2002, hewas released by the Tampa Bay DevilRays. On June 6, 2002, he was signedby the Milwaukee Brewers. On July 31,2002, he was traded by the Brewers tothe Anaheim Angels. On November 5,2002—after tearing the ulnar collateralligament in his right elbow—hewas released by the Angels.Fasano missed all of 2003 recoveringfrom the injury, then on January 14,2004, was signed as a free agent by theNew York Yankees. On October 15,2004, after having been assured bythe Yankees that he would be calledup from Triple-A, he was insteadreleased. On December16, 2004, hewas signed by theBaltimore Orioles.On December 1,2005, he was signedby the PhiladelphiaPhillies. On July 26,2006, he was traded’to the Yankees. OnJanuary 17, 2007, he wassigned by the Toronto BlueJays. On April 4, 2008, he wassigned by the Atlanta Braves. That’swhy he’s here, in Bethlehem, a memberof their top farm club.All told, since being drafted out ofthe University of Evansville, Fasanohas played for 23 minor- and majorleagueteams. He boasts a grand totalof 1,063 big-league at bats (comparedwith 2,595 in the minors), with 131 hits,47 home runs, 134 RBIs, and a .219 battingaverage. He leads the league inbrokenheartedness.“A disappointment,” he says glumly.“My career has been a really bigdisappointment.”Maybe so. But wherever you travelacross the baseball universe, Fasanois beloved. Oakland slugger FrankThomas, a sure-shot Hall of Famer,

calls him “one of the great guys to everplay.” Brian Johnson, who beat outFasano for the Royals’ backup catchinggig in 2000, says, “Sal is one of thosepeople you can’t help but respect.” Heis the type who rarely complains, whosigns autographs for hours, who habituallyarrives early to the ballpark—and then is the last to leave. “Saldoesn’t see the bad in anyone,” saysKerri Fasano, his wife. “He goes out ofhis way to see the good.” With Richmond,Fasano has been asked to mentorClint Sammons, the Braves’ 25-year-old hotshot catching prospect.Clint, try this. Clint, you might wannaconsider that. A glorious job it isnot, yet Fasano approachesthe taskwith a professor’sseriousness. “At itscore, I love playingbaseball,” he says.“That’s why I’mhere—the joy.”But as his careercomes toward anend, Fasano findshimself decreasinglyjoyful, increasinglyangry. When, lastDecember, MajorLeague Baseball releasedits now infamousMitchell Report,Fasano couldn’thelp noticing thatof the 89 playersidentified as allegedsteroid or drug users,nine were catchers.With the exception of All-Stars PaulLo Duca, Todd Hundley, and BenitoSantiago, the backstops named allseemed to be down-in-the-dirt grind -ers, the type of guys who bouncedfrom team to team, hoping to catchon. What they lacked in natural gifts,the men appeared to make up for ingrittiness. Bobby Estalella, Gary Bennett,Gregg Zaun, Tim Laker, CodyMcKay, and Todd Pratt might not hit20 home runs, but they would playhard, mentor young pitchers, do whateverit takes. Or so it seemed.“Here’s the thing that’s troubling,”says Fasano. “Every one of those guyswent into most seasons as a free agent,“It’s hard for me tojustify what those guysdid,” says Fasano. “I’vehad to work twice ashard just to get a job.”READER’S DIGEST rd.com 08/08

just as I did. So we were all battlingfor the same jobs, trying to land thesame spots.” He pauses, measuring hiswords. Though he’s not visibly agitated,frustration tails each sentence.In 2001, the Rockies kept Bennett andreleased Fasano. This past spring, theBlue Jays kept Zaun and releasedFasano. How many others—those whoslipped past Mitchell’s digging—haveunfairly cost him major-league jobs asTwell? Five? Ten? Fifteen? “I’ll neverknow,” he says.This is his living. His life. Back homein Minooka, Illinois, his wife and threeyoung children watch every dollar sothat Fasano—who’s making $60,000—can continue to extend his career. “It’shard for me to justify what those guysdid when I’ve had to work twice as hardas they did just to get a job,” he says.“That’s why I’m still playing here inTriple-A while a lot of those guys are eitherretired and financially secure orplaying in the majors and getting paidbig-league guarantees.”And yet, despite the setbacks, he refusesto walk away. Part of the stayingpower is based on life’s harsh reality.Last September, Fasano’s son Santowas born with hypoplastic heart syndrome,a condition in which the leftside of the heart is underdeveloped.Following two open-heart surgeries,Santo is doing wonderfully. “But,” saysFasano, “we’ve had more than $1 millionin medical bills. Without the baseballinsurance policy …”He stops himself. Yes, the insuranceis important. But other jobs offerhealth coverage too. During most offseasons,Fasano has supplemented hisbaseball income with blue-collar jobs.At first he worked for a local company,Wizard of Windows, cleaning blinds.More recently he did excavating workwith his father-in-law. “I love puttingin a hard day’s labor,” he says. “But …”But Fasano can’t get baseball out ofhis system. The game is who he is. It’swhy he wakes up every morning, whyhe goes to sleep content each night.Fasano loves pulling the catcher’s maskover his face. He loves squatting behindhome plate, rubbing his fingers inthe loose dirt, calling for a fastball lowand away. He loves the dugout banter,turning to a teammate and saying, “Yousee that slider? That thing was sick.”Fasano still talks of the dream—ofbeing called up to Atlanta and helpingthe Braves win a World Series—but that’s what baseball players arerequired to say in order to justify themselves.Truth be told, the dream is righthere in front of him, on the varnishedwood table of a mediocre Lehigh Valleybrewpub, in the form of a pieceof paper that lists his name and uniformnumber (25) beneath the wordsRichmond Braves Roster.Those who opted to turn toperformance-enhancing drugs maywell drive Mercedeses and BMWs,may well live in luxurious homes, maywell boast gaudy career statistics thatelicit oohs and aahs from adoring fans.But Sal Fasano, 36 and tired, isblessed with something a thousandtimes greater. He is a ballplayer. A realballplayer. ■

In Jackson, Tennessee, UnionUniversity soccer player Josh Hanna(center) and his teammates kept diggingin the rubble for their friends—evenwith the threat of a second tornado.Their story, on p. 149.OUT OF THE

A WAVE OF TORNADOES BRINGSDEATH, DESTRUCTION—ANDSELFLESS ACTS OF BRAVERYWRECKAGEPHOTOGR APHED B Y TAMAR A REYNOLDS

Firefighter David Harmon holdstight to his son Cody, 8, in the field wherehe found another little boy, Kyson Stowell,in the early hours of February 6. “This hasbeen an eye-opening experience forme,” says Harmon.

CLITTLE BOYFOUNDCHARLES SCOTT/HO/AP IMAGESCastalian Springs, Tennessee—Two hours after the tornadoes torethrough town, firefighter David Harmon,31, and his partner, Karl Wegner,made one last pass through a field inwhich a young woman had alreadybeen found dead. It was pitch-dark asthe two trudged through the mud,waving their flashlights. Every sooften, one would call out to the otherwhen he spotted something.“I’ve got a baby stroller over here,”Wegner shouted.“And I’ve got a doll,”Harmon called back.The doll was lying facedown,arms over itshead and dressed in agreen T-shirt and aloosened diaper.Then it moved.“It’s not a doll!” Harmoncalled out again.“As soon as we rolledhim over, he gaspedand started crying,” Harmon says. Unsureof the extent of the baby’s injuries,he carefully aligned his neckand spine and then cradled him in hisarms. The baby stopped wailing almostimmediately.“Hang in there, big guy,” Harmonurged. “Stay with me.”The baby, who they soon found outwas 11-month-old Kyson Stowell, hadlived nearby with his mother, Kerri,23, a single parent. That evening, Kerrihad called her parents, who livedREADER’S DIGEST rd.com 06/08Kyson and Kerri Stowellwere tragically parted whenthe tornado hit their home.nearby, and told them the TV hadgone dark. “The storm is heading yourway,” Kay Stowell told her daughter,and then the line went silent.“We knew something was wrong,”Kerri’s dad, Douglas, says. He and hiswife navigated their car around fallentrees and other debris to get to Kerri’shome. Once there, they found thehouse was gone, and a hundred yardsaway, emergency workers were huddlingaround something. It was theStowells’ grandson. At the sound ofhis grandparents’ voices, he openedhis eyes for the first time.A worker then askedDouglas who else hadbeen in the house, andit was soon determinedthat the victim in thefield was Kerri.At Vanderbilt UniversityMedical Centerin Nashville, a pediatricsurgeon verified thatKyson’s injuries were“relatively minor”—incredible given thatthe 25-pound child had been hurledthe length of a football field by theforce of the storm. “He’s a miracle,”says Douglas, who will raise the boywith his wife.Kyson celebrated his first birthdayten days after he was found, and Harmonwas invited. It was a party filledwith emotion for the boy rescued andthe daughter the Stowells lost. Harmonsays he wants to stay in the boy’slife somehow. “I’d love to get to knowhim,” he says.

“It was such a relief that we had each other,”says Union University senior Anika Schulte (left)of the moment she and fellow nursing studentCandace Cross connected on campus. “I’mkind of a nervous person,” she says, “but Iwas calm. It was comforting to know thatin a disaster, I can keep my head.”

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THECAREGIVERSJackson, Tennessee—For six weekslast year, the senior nursing studentsat Union University had practicedtheir emergency medical skills at alocal hospital. And just days beforethe tornado struck, they sat througha class on disaster triage. Still, they’dnever faced anything like the devastationthat visited their campuswhen the tornado hit that Februaryevening.Candace Cross, 21, Anika Schulte,20, and 12 dormitory mates huddledin their bathrooms. “We were justpraying,” says Cross, who is fromLebanon, Tennessee. When the winddied down, the shaken students beganto pick their way across the destroyedcampus—approximately 40 percentof the dorms were wrecked—to thePenick Academic Complex.On the way, Schulte, who is fromWoodbury, Minnesota, spotted ayoung woman bleeding heavily froma gash on her leg. The student nurse’sinstincts and training kicked in, andshe made sure the woman sat down,while Cross sprinted to the athleticoffice for an armful of first-aid kits.The students created a makeshifttriage station. Then Cross began tomake her way down darkened hallways,searching for wounded people.She cleaned and dressed injuries.Glass had to be left alone, says Schulte,“because I didn’t have enough light toget it out.”Help arrived shortly to care for theBilly Shelton, Jr., in the ruinsof his restaurant. He says it was“just luck” to have been ableto save his neighbor.injured. But, as Schulte says, “for awhile, we were the best they had.”HELPING HANDSHighland, Arkansas—The lightswent out at the Timberline Restaurantalmost an hour before closing. ManagerBilly Shelton, Jr., looked out theREADER’S DIGEST rd.com 06/08

front door—and saw a tornado comingstraight for him.The retired Army sergeant quicklyherded seven people, including hiswife, Sharon, into the back room. Secondslater, the twister hit, taking thedining room’s roof and two walls.Shelton barely had time to registerthe damage when he saw a womanfleeing the remains of the houseacross the street. She said her elderlyfather, Stanley Gamble, was trapped,and she and her mother, Louise, couldnot free him.Shelton and customer Patrick Loerzelclimbed the pile of debris. “We’llnever be able to lift this off him,” Sheltonremembers thinking. But the men

surprised themselves by draggingthe rubble off. Both husband andwife got away with just a few brokenbones.Back at the remains of the Timberline,Shelton’s customers and staffwere heading out into the night. “Callus,” he said, “when you make it home.”ENDLESS LOVEGreenville, Kentucky—The deadlytornadoes had swept through Greenvillejust days before, and as residentsbegan to tally their losses, they worethe stunned looks of the traumatized.But when the bright yellow busREADER’S DIGEST rd.com 06/08

When she helped out in a hard-hitarea, parents kept thanking her, saysKathryn Martin, here with KevinEsche, designer of her mobileday-care center. But Martin, wholost her own son in a tornado, toldthem, “ You don’t know whatthis means to me.”pulled up beside the temporary RedCross and FEMA stations, parentsand kids alike perked up at the sight ofthe portrait on its side—a laughingbaby boy who’s giving the thumbsupsign.“Mommy,” yelled one youngster, “Iwant to go on the bus with the happyboy!” Inside, the kids descended onarts and crafts, DVDs, and games—anything to distract them from thenightmare memories of howling windsand falling trees.“It’s incredible,” says Kathryn Martin,29, who had driven the bus morethan 70 miles, from Evansville, Indi-

“It’s cold underhere, but I can breathe,”Shirley Ennis reassuredrescuers who discoveredher trapped beneathher mobile home. Withher son Jerry, right.ana. “They just go off into la-la land;they can be kids again.”The mobile day-care center isnamed for Martin’s little boy, C.J., whowas killed along with two other familymembers when a tornado strucktheir town in 2005. He was two yearsold. The idea of helping other twistervictims came to her in May 2006, aftera tornado blasted Otwell, Indiana. Martinand a friend headed to the scene,and she spent the day with a familywho had lost their home, soothing thekids simply by coloring with them.“From then on,” says Martin, whois married with three children, “weknew we had to do something.”After donations of more than$120,000, C.J.’s Bus was launched inAugust 2007 and two months latermade its maiden voyage to Owensboro,Kentucky, for tornado relief.Martin says she can think of nogreater legacy for her son than to helpchildren recover from the trauma ofa tornado. “This bus is not about me,and it’s not about C.J. anymore,” shesays. “It’s about those next peoplewe’re going to help.”THE GOOD SONHolland, Kentucky—Shirley Ennis,58, said good night to her son Jerry,READER’S DIGEST rd.com 06/08

32, and turned in for the evening. Theywere safe, it seemed; a tornado warninghad been canceled at 1:30 a.m.At 2 a.m., however, 160 mph windshit the tiny farming community, pickingup the Ennises’ double-wide mobilehome and tossing it into a gully50 yards away. His leg broken, Jerrypulled himself from the rubble. Buthis mother was pinned under thewreckage of the house.Dragging his leg behind him, Jerryfound a pair of two-by-fours and createdmakeshift crutches. He hobbledto his 2003 Chevy Silverado in thedriveway. Though most of its windowswere blown out, the engine miraculouslycame to life.A fallen power line stopped Jerryas he made his way slowly towardtown, but firefighter Rickey Cookseyspotted him and offered assistance.“My mom’s down there in the trailer,”Jerry gasped. “You have to help her.Don’t worry about me.”Cooksey and a group of emergencyworkers headed toward the gully,quickly locating Shirley. “It’s coldunder here, but I can breathe,” shesaid. Two airbags were inflated to liftthe wooden trailer frame off her, andthe rescuers slid her to safety.“Jerry is the hero,” says Ed Taylor,the paramedic who drove him to thehospital. “His only request was to findhis mother right away.”Shirley is made of pretty tough stuffherself. As soon as she’s completelyrecovered—she has several brokenbones—she hopes to return home.After all, the cows need tending.TEAM EFFORTJackson, Tennessee—Union Universityvarsity soccer player JoshHanna (pictured on page 139) was athome in his off-campus apartmentwhen he heard what sounded like afreight train roaring by. Minutes later,the phone rang. “Union just got hit,”his sister told him.Hanna shot over to the stricken campusand spent an hour searching forsurvivors. Then he heard that a groupof students—including his formerroommates and some soccer players—were trapped in the rubble of the WattersResidential Complex, where hehad lived the previous semester.Emergency workers had arrived onthe scene but couldn’t get their heavyequipment into the collapsing building.The firefighters formed a bucketbrigade, which Hanna and his teammatesjoined, passing slabs of cement,Sheetrock, and gravel away from thescene. “Some pieces took 15 guys tolift,” Hanna says.At 7:46 p.m., a siren wailed—another tornado might be on the way.Not one volunteer abandoned hisplace. Two men were eventually pulledout. A couple of hours later, one ofHanna’s teammates was found, andthen another. By 1:30 a.m., six studentshad been pulled out alive.Although there were nine seriousinjuries on campus, there were nofatalities. “All I did,” says Hanna, “waswhat I thought was right.”Reported by Tara Conry, Fran Lostys,Bridget Nelson Monroe

7RIP-OFFTIP-OFFSStop right there. Put your money away. A lot of people areafter your cash, and you, quite understand ably, would liketo hold on to as much of it as you can. It won’t be easy:Last year, Americans frittered away more than $1.2 billionon dubious deals, an average of $2,057 for every consumer,according to the Federal Trade Commission. How do youtell the bargains from the boondoggles? Here’s a lookat seven offers that often don’t pay off, plus smart ways tosave your hard-earned money.BY LISA COLLIER COOL1 TRAVELDISCOUNTCLUBSVincent and Linda Schreckenbergwere vacationing in Branson, Missouri,when they were offered an enticingdeal: free tickets to a show in exchangefor attending Travel More Now’s 90-minute sales presentation. “We had nointention of joining a travel club,” admitsLinda, 58, “but the sales reps told68us we could go anywhere we wantedand that everything—restaurants,cruises, hotels, airfare—would be drasticallydiscounted.”The Schreckenbergs balked at the$8,000 membership fee until the salespersongot it down to $2,604. The couplepaid with their MasterCard andsigned a receipt for gift cards, for afree celebratory dinner at Red Lobster.That night, 60-year-old Vincent,who suffers from high blood pressure,ILLUSTRATED BY DAN PAGE

WATCH FORTHESERED FLAGS➜ Claims that you’ve won a “free” prize,or a fee to collect your “winnings”—fora contest you haven’t entered.➜ Companies that offer freebies toentice you into attending a high-pressuresales presentation, where there may bemore incentives. You could lose sight ofjust how much this “free” deal couldcost you.➜ Promises of insider discounts, specialdeals, or secret information offeredexclusively by a firm. Often you can findbetter offers on your own.➜ Salespeople who pressure you tomake an immediate financial commitmentor to sign a contract you haven’t read.➜ Contracts or forms that are hard tounderstand. Even minor mistakes in fillingout the form may be used as an excuse toavoid honoring the agreement.➜ Companies that won’t put their pricesor promises in writing. A legitimate firmstands behind its deals and wants to giveyou what you need to make a smartdecision.➜ Firms that do not provide contactinformation or that provide only an e-mailaddress or a post office box. After all, ifyou can locate them, authorities can too.70was rushed to the hospital with a nosebleed.Worried about medical bills, heand Linda regretted having spent somuch. They checked their contract,which had a cancellation period ofthree business days, as required byMissouri law. Following the instructions,they mailed a notarized cancellationletter to Travel More Now andreturned the membership packet.So why did the club refuse to refundtheir money? “They said we’d accessedthe membership benefits by eating atRed Lobster,” says Linda.Their story didn’t surprise MissouriAttorney General Jay Nixon. Hehad sued the club in 2003 for allegedly“failing to give consumersclear and conspicuous notice of theirright to cancel … and, in fact, [advising]consumers that they could notcancel.” But a judge ruled againstNixon; he could do nothing for theSchreckenbergs.“It’s outrageous that this club foundsome loophole to get around the lawand nobody can do anything aboutit,” says Linda. Travel More Nowspokesman Travis Dunnahoe says,“Anyone who accesses benefits, in anyway, at the time they acquire a membershipsigns a form that is titled in allcaps ‘Member Benefits Access Form.’”Consumers have filed thousands ofcomplaints about travel clubs with theBetter Business Bureau in the pastthree years. “The clubs promise insiderdeals, but people can often getbetter prices on their own,” says TravisFord, consumer educator at the MissouriAttorney General’s office.The best advice In general, clubsthat charge more than a few hundreddollars are likely to be rip-offs. Avoidgoing to an in-person sales pitch. “Youmay think, No way am I going to buyanything, but the salespeople have answersto your every objection,” says

Susan Grant, director of consumerprotection at the ConsumerFederation of America.“The deal is good for only oneday, or the price keeps goingdown if you say you can’t affordit—those are hallmarks ofa scam.”2 CELLPHONEREPLACEMENTINSURANCEWhen Tessa Lewis’s pink MotorolaSLVR cell phone broke,she expected Asurion, her insurancecarrier, to replace itwith an exact duplicate. “Theycharged a $50 deductible, thensent an ugly, used black flip phone,”says Lewis, 45, a nursing assistant inLexington, Kentucky. “It wasn’t evenclose in value to what I had.”Lewis, who admits she hadn’t readher contract, was even angrier whenshe realized how much she’d wastedon premiums. “I’d been paying $5 amonth for two years. Tack on the deductible,and I was out $170 to cover a$99 phone,” says Lewis. After shefound the same pink phone on eBayfor $50, she canceled the insurance.David Wood, a telecommunicationsexpert at consumeraffairs.com, hasreceived numerous complaints aboutcell phone insurance. “Very few consumersread their policy,” says Wood,“which typically says the phone onlyhas to be ‘comparable.’ It could be atotally different model, so you mayhave to buy a new headset, charger,and other accessories because the oldones aren’t compatible. Or it may lackthe bells and whistles you value, suchas a camera or an MP3 player.” What’smore, you’ll usually receive a refurbishedphone, not a new one.In response to consumer complaints,Maryland’s attorney generalannounced an agreement in Aprilrequiring Asurion and the major wirelesscompanies to clearly disclose keyprovisions in the insurance contract.(Asurion has not replied to Reader’sDigest’s request for a response.)The best advice Skip the cellphone insurance unless you have ahigh-end device like a BlackBerry orTreo or your teens tend to lose theirown expensive phones. Most insuranceplans give you up to 14 days to71

enroll after you buy a cell phone, sotake the contract home and read itcarefully.3 MAIL -INREBATESDane Madsen loves a bargain, sowhen he spotted a $100 rebate offeron $699 Lenovo laptops at OfficeDepot, he bought two. The cashierscanned the product codes, promptingthe store’s computer to spit outthe rebate form for that model. Butwhen Madsen, 50, mailed in the formsalong with the required proofs of purchase,the rebate center told him thatthe laptops didn’t qualify for the rebate.That’s not unusual: The centerstypically reject 33 percent of claims.“The rebate company blamed it onOffice Depot, and Office Depot claimedthe rebate company had goofed,” saysMadsen, a clothing-store owner in LasVegas. “I never got the $200, and one ofthe laptops failed soon afterward. BecauseI didn’t have the box label—theone I’d sent in for the rebate—I wasalso denied warranty coverage.” AfterReader’s Digest contacted Office Depot,the company notified Madsen that ithad resolved the matter and would besending the rebate.“It’s a ridiculous system,” says EdMierzwinski, consumer programdirector of the U.S. Public InterestResearch Groups, an advocacy organizationin Boston. “Consumers are putthrough a rat maze of requirementsthat they have to complete perfectlyin order to get their rebate.”The best advice Even if you docollect, a mail-in rebate may not alwaysbe the best deal. Shop around tosee if you can get a lower price withoutthe hassle. Some companies, includingStaples, Costco, and Rite Aid,offer paperless rebates. Just log on tothe store’s website to enter the requiredinformation. The advantages:You don’t have to bother with proofsof purchase, you can track the statusof your claim online, and you’ll getyour check sooner.Watch out for rebate checks thatare designed to resemble junk mail;some consumers have tossed them byaccident. Companies no doubt counton that.4PET HEALTHINSURANCEWhen Barry Trachtenberg got aGerman shepherd-mix puppy lastyear, his vet recommended that hesign up for a $20-a-month health planoffered by Veterinary Pet Insurance,America’s largest pet insurance company.“They make a lot of promisesabout how great the coverage is,” saysthe 38-year-old college professor, wholives in Albany, New York. He was disappointed,however, when the plan refusedto cover a $241 claim for treatingdiarrhea. The illness, VPI said, had occurredduring a 14-day waiting periodbefore the coverage kicked in.Weeks later, the puppy came downwith another stomach bug, requiringan $800 overnight hospital stay. Again,VPI denied the claim. “They contended72 READER’S DIGEST rd.com 08/08

that it was a preexisting condition,”says Trachtenberg, whoappealed the decision. “All theyrefunded was $14.”Americans spend an estimated$195 million annually onpet plans, which typically cost$11 to $50 a month. Over a pet’s11-year life span, that can addup to as much as $6,600—heftyconsidering that vet bills fora typical pet average about$4,000 over a lifetime. Thepolicies are loaded with exclusions,and some don’t covervaccinations. A VPI spokesmansays, “Pet insurance shouldn’tbe evaluated on the possiblereturn on investment.”Raymond Hinkle, DVM, directorof Hilltop Animal Hospital inBarrington, Illinois, says, “Most petsare healthy, and that’s what these companiesbank on.”The best advice To take the stingout of vet bills, factor the cost of routinecare—about $453 a year for a dogand $363 for a cat—into your budget,along with a few hundred dollars extrafor emergencies.5 EXTENDEDWARRANTIESGene Retske, a telecommunicationsconsultant in Ballentine, South Carolina,spent $1,000 on an extendedservicecontract for his $15,000Bayliner motorboat, then tried to collectwhen the starter blew. “Thewoman on the phone listed one reasonafter another why they wouldn’t pay.I’d read the contract and kept tellingher she was wrong. Then she claimedI’d put the boat in a ‘hostile environment.’What—water?” Retske, 61, gotthe firm to cover the $300 engine repaironly after he threatened to go toconsumer-protection agencies.Increasingly, car owners are gettingurgent-sounding notifications claimingthat the manufacturer’s warranty isabout to expire. Some have paid over$1,500 for an extended service contracteven though their factory warranty isstill in effect. Often the phony noticescome from firms with the word dealeror warranty in their name, to createthe illusion that they work for the car’smanufacturer or dealer.Even when they’re legitimate, “extendedwarranties are almost always a73

sucker’s bet,” says Tod Marks, a senioreditor at Consumer Reports. You’regambling that the product will malfunctionor break after the manufacturer’sone- or two-year warranty endsbut before the one-year extended coverageexpires. And you’ll usually lose:65 percent of car owners who anteup the $1,000 or so for an extendedservicecontract recoup only $700 onrepairs, says Consumer Reports.IF YOU’VEBEEN HADSend the company a writtencomplaint, asking for a refund. Detailthe problem and include any relevantdocumentation. If you paid by creditcard, you can dispute the charge in casesof fraud and nondelivery of a product orservice. If it’s a local business, considersuing in small-claims court.To help prevent others from gettingscammed, contact:➜ Your state’s attorney general(naag.org). If the company that victim izedyou operates in another state, notify thatattorney general as well. If there are manycomplaints against the company, an attorneygeneral may file a suit, which couldwin financial judgments for consumersor put the operation out of business.➜ The Federal Trade Commission(ftc.gov). You’ll find extensive informationabout common rip-offs and scams, plusan online complaint form.➜ The Better Business Bureau (bbb.org).It will contact companies about consumercomplaints and issue fraud alerts to thepublic, media, and government agencies.It also has an online complaint form.The best advice Retailers profitby as much as 80 percent on thesecontracts. Bank the money you wouldhave spent on an extended warranty.“Everything you own isn’t going tofall apart at the same time,” saysTravis Ford, “but if one thing does,you’re covered.”6 RENT-TO-OWNMERCHANDISEThe $6.8 billion rent-to-own industryoffers TVs, computers, appliances,jewelry, and furniture for“low, easy payments” with no moneydown. But many of the three millionpeople who shop in chain stores likeRent-A-Center end up buying overtime—and paying exorbitant rates.A 37-inch LG flat-screen TV thatretails for $1,300 can be rented forabout $36 a week. After 142 weeks,you own the TV but are out $5,100.That’s an interest rate of 142 percent.Rent-A-Center’s Gus Whitcomb says,“You have to add in delivery andin-home service to any comparisoncosts before you do an apples-toapplescomparison.”The industry contends that it doesn’treally sell merchandise—it mainlyrents it. This allows stores to avoid violatingstate usury laws—which regulatethe highest rate that can becharged legally—despite true annualpercentage rates (APR) of 75 percent to350 percent, says Ed Mierzwinski ofthe U.S. Public Interest ResearchGroups. “They promote the dream ofownership to poor people who are74 READER’S DIGEST rd.com 08/08

grossly overcharged for what is oftenused or low-quality merchandise.”People with bad credit or low incomesmay feel they have no other options.That was certainly true of TraciBarker, 30, who rented furniture, TVs,and a used computer. At the time, thesingle mom from Sicklerville, New Jersey,earned $10 an hour as a customerservicerepresentative. “It got to thepoint where I was making $150 a weekin payments to Rent-A-Center,” saysBarker, who had to return most of herrentals when she lost her job.She joined a class action lawsuitagainst Rent-A-Center. After the NewJersey Supreme Court ruled that interestrates of 80 percent or more werein violation of state law, the rent-toowngiant settled the case for $109 million.Barker, who had spent $10,000,got a $6,000 refund.The best advice Spending $35 torent a big-screen TV for a Super Bowlparty might be a good deal. But overthe long term, rent-to-own contractsare like subprime mortgages for washingmachines and pullout sofas. If youmiss a payment, the merchandise maybe repossessed and you’ll lose themoney you’ve paid.7 PAYDAYLOANSAfter her divorce, Gail Meyers, 36,had a daughter to support. Even workingtwo jobs didn’t bring in enough tocover her expenses, so she borrowed$300 against her next paycheck. Gettingthe money at Check Into Cash, apayday loan store, was easy. “I wrote acheck for $345, and they told me tocome back in two weeks with the cash,or they’d deposit the check to coverthe loan plus $45 in interest.”When payday arrived, however, shewas again short on cash. “I got into avicious cycle of renewing the loan andpaying an additional $45 every twoweeks,” says Meyers, a social workerfrom Columbus, Ohio. “Before I knewit, I was trapped.” She eventually useda tax refund to pay off the $2,500 loan.According to the Center for ResponsibleLending, payday lenders rakein $4.2 billion a year by charging awhopping 391 percent to 500 percentin interest. Only 15 states and the Districtof Columbia ban payday loans orcap interest at 36 percent. “The industryjustifies this by saying the loansare for short-term emergencies,” saysCRL’s Uriah King. “For most people,they’re like financial quicksand—youget in deeper and deeper.” A CRL studyfound that the average borrower flipsthe debt five or more times, repaying$793 on a $325 loan.The best advice If you’re really ina pinch, opt for a cash advance on yourcredit card (about 28 percent in interest,plus transaction fees). If youbelong to a credit union, you can usuallyget up to 18 percent interest onsmall unsecured loans. As an alternativeto payday borrowing, the FDIClaunched a pilot program in Februaryin which 550 bank branches in 27states will offer loans of up to $1,000at an APR of up to 36 percent. That’shigh, but it beats 500 percent. ■75

THIRTEEN THINGSThe Dıgest… Your Waiter Won’t Tell YouAvoid eating out on holidaysand Saturday nights. Thesheer volume of customersguarantees that most kitchenswill be pushed beyondtheir ability to produce ahigh-quality dish.There are almost never anysick days in the restaurantbusiness. A busboy with a kidto support isn’t going to stayhome and miss out on $100because he’s got strepthroat. And these are thepeople handling your food.When customers’ dissatisfactiondevolves into personalattacks, adulterating foodor drink is a convenient wayfor servers to exact covertvengeance. Waiters can anddo spit in people’s food.Never say “I’m friends withthe owner.” Restaurantowners don’t have friends.This marks you as a cluelessposeur the moment youwalk in the door.Treat others as you wantto be treated.(Yes, people needto be reminded of this.)Don’t snap your fingers toget our attention. Remember,we have shears that cutthrough bone in the kitchen.Don’t order meals thataren’t on the menu. You’reforcing the chef to cooksomething he doesn’t makeon a regular basis. If he makesthe same entrée 10,000 timesa month, the odds are goodthat the dish will be a homerun every time.Splitting entrées is okay,but don’t ask for water,lemon, and sugar so you canmake your own lemonade.What’s next, grapes so youcan press your own wine?If you find a waiter you like,always ask to be seated in hisor her section. Tell all yourfriends so they’ll start askingfor that server as well. You’vejust made that waiter lookindispensable to the owner.The server will be gratefuland take good care of you.If you can’t afford to leavea tip, you can’t afford toeat in the restaurant. Serverscould be giving 20 to 40percent to the busboys,bartenders, maître d’,or hostess.Always examine the check.Sometimes large parties areunaware that a gratuity hasbeen added to the bill, sothey tip on top of it. Waiters“facilitate” this error. It’sdishonest, it’s wrong—andI did it all the time.If you want to hang out,that’s fine. But increase thetip to make up for moneythe server would have madeif he or she had had anotherseating at that table.Never, ever come in 15 minutesbefore closing time.The cooks are tired and willcook your dinner right away.So while you’re chitchattingover salads, your entréeswill be languishing underthe heat lamp while thedishwasher is sprayingindustrialstrength,carcinogeniccleaning solventsin their immediate vicinity.From Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip—Confessions of a Cynical Waiter by TheWaiter (Ecco/HarperCollins, $24.95)To share your ownrestaurant stories, goto rd.com/waiter.READER’S DIGEST rd.com 08/08STEVE MCALISTER/PHOTOGRAPHER’S CHOICE/GETTY IMAGES

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