Archon 31

“Waiting Sea”-Continued from page xoldest because he didn't want to go to Viet Nam... She wasright. He couldn't call the boy yellow for not wanting to faceenemy fire if he couldn't face a little water.He stared down at the sea and glass-bottom boat. Hisstomach knotted, but it wasn't as bad as he had anticipated. Heseemed to step outside and watch his legs carry him along thopier. Madeline chattered at him and the boys. They allanswered her, but he could not recall what anybody said.Half an hour out. "Seasick?" his younger boy asked. "Ithought you were a sailor, Dad."He nodded. His stomach was grinding and churning. Thiswas different, somehow. Maybe because the boat was sosmall. He tried to ignore it, to get into Madeleine's game, toshare his knowledge of the deep.He had to give it up. He closed his eyes and leaned on thegunwale, concentrated on retaining his breakfast. The waterwhispered past, occasionally licking his fingers.He was half asleep, one arm extended. A wavetop caughthis hand, nearly wrenched: his arm away, 'Shawn! Shawn!Come to us, Shawn!"The voices! Still there! Cue here. They had him.He jumped up, yelling, and staggered as the boat climbeda wave. Arms flailing, he went over the side.He was under for just a few seconds. Looking upward,clawing his way toward the sun, a scream locked in his throatby the pressure of the sea. The fire up there.... The burningtanker.... Better to stay down here with them.... His floatationjacket drove him to the surface.“Shawn. Stay, Shawn." Their fingers tugged at his clothing.He was back aboard the boat in seconds, sobbing. Far, faraway, Madelaine was telling the boys what had happened in'43. He wanted to yell at her to shut up. But she couldn't tell itall. She didn't know it all. Did she?"It wasn't your fault, Shawn, Don't you understand that? Itwasn't your fault. There was no way your ship could haveescaped.”He wished he could believe it. Whining, he surged up,pushed her away, threw himself over the side again.Eager murmurs. Grasping hands. "Shawn, You've come.At last, Shawn. At last."Yelling and panic above. Salt water in his mouth. Thepeople in the boat were quicker, stronger, and trickier than thesea. They pulled him out again. For a moment he thought hewas tumbling into that ill-remembered motor whaleboat."Come back, Shawn. Shawn?"521980No wife now. Madelaine had died in an encounter with adrunk driver. She would have left by now anyway, he figured.The younger boy was gone, too. Killed by a mortar bomboutside Khe Sahn. The older boy was in retail sales.Appliances. A college education down the tubes. There weregrandchildren. He didn't see them often. There was too muchbitterness still."Come on down to Florida," the guys said. “We're takingthe company plane. We'll go after the big ones off the outerkeys. Remember that marlin Wally hooked last year? Thatbaby has cousins just waiting to jump in the boat."He had nothing else to do over Christmas, and, somehow,the sea didn't seem scary anymore. He agreed to go.So there he was, somewhere over the Gulf Coast, staringdown at the sharp shadings of color in the shallows,marveling at the clarity of the water. Search as he might, hecould find no fear in himself, though there was somethingthere that might have been resignation.The sea rose to greet them. The plane shivered as itsLanding gear locked down. "Going to refuel." Wally called back."Won't take long."The runway ran straight toward the Gulf. He watched theconcrete come up, wondering if the plane would overshoot. Butthe tires touched and squealed almost before his imaginationcould slip into gear.The others wanted to eat while they were down. He wasn'thungry. He walked to the edge of the beach and watched thecombers roll in from Mexico. He stood there, the breezeteasing the remnants of his hair, listening.He couldn't hear the voices. Not a hint, not a whisper. Justthe sound of warm tropic waters lazily washing the sand.It was over. Somehow, he had whipped it. He pokedaround inside, just to make sure, going deep, prodding the oldsore spots. There was no pain, no guilt. While he wasn'twatching, he had done what Gladys and Madelaine haddemanded a thousand times. He had grown up. Somehow, hehad accepted the truth. There was nothing he could have donethat night. The ship's number had been up, and that was that.That was that. One boat had sunk three ships with its firstspread. None had had achance.He shivered again. So long ago. Two thirds of a lifetime. Ina different world. A forgotten age. Most of the people now alivehadn't been born,"Shawn, Hey, Shawn!"He jumped, then lifted a hand to let the guys know he hadheard. He looked out onto the Gulf, a grin .stretching hiswrinkled face, "I don't know if you're real or not, but, dammit, Iknow I've beaten you." As he walked toward the plane, hewondered how much he had put together retroactively. A mandying of burns and exposure couldn' t help going a little goofy.He really shouldn't have survived.#"Holy shit!" Wally yelled in his ear. "Jesus! You guys, get uphere! Shawn's got one, look at the size of this bastard."The marlin came up and stood on its tail at the on thewavetops. It fell back with a slap audible aboard the boat."He's going down. He's sounding," one of the guys said.“Watch your line, Shawn. Give him some slack.""He's not." Wally insisted. "He's going to run in on us.Reel it in, Shawn. Reel it in. Keep the tension on it. Makehim work."He'd never done this before. He didn't know what he wasdoing. He hadn't had a line in the water since the war, whenthey had fished for sharks off the fantail. He offered the rod to“Waiting Sea”-Continued on page 53