Sept. - The Raleigh Hatchet, a monthly music, art and humor ...

contents:Raleigh Hatchet110 Glascock St.Raleigh, NC 27604EditorD.A. Nationdani@raleighhatchet.comHead of ProductionBart Tomlinbart@raleighhatchet.comMusic EditorJeramy Lowejeramy@raleighhatchet.comArts CoordinatorJimmy McDonoughartfag@raleighhatchet.comCalendars & Listingscalendar@raleighhatchet.comPhotographersSarah PasellJay WinfreySeptember, 2005ContributorsBrittany Anderson, Tim Anderson, Matthew Anscher, Claire Ashby, GregBarbera, Brian Bedsworth, Josh Bryant, Vince Carmody, Charles Cardello,Mickey D’Loughy, Russ De Sena, Rose Dunnington, Cody Eyman,Greg Eyman, Brad Farran, Angel Femeister, Robert Gaddy, ShannonGray, Brian Howe, Cheetie Kumar, Dan Kuszaj, William Lee, Libby Lynn,Charles Mangin, Tanya Montoya, Ashley Nation-Gaddy, Sarah Pasell,J. E. Pilkington, Cy Rawls, Drew Robertson, Phil Solesky, Marco Soto, A.Spencer, DH Westmoreland, Jay Winfrey, Nick Whitley, Eric Wolf, Joe Yerry,Jon YuIllustratorsDaniel Gallant, Daniel Lynch Ed Marsden, Kristin Matwiczyk, ChrisPlankers, Jer WarrenAdvertisingads@raleighhatchet.comDistributiondistro@raleighhatchet.com4. Editor’s page5. Consumer Heroby Tim Anderson7. Food LoveDeath By Vanilla by Charles Mangin8 . HatchetfestGet the skinny on who’s playing and when11. The Body ComodityHaving a creative meeting with a porn star12. Bars, Bars, Bars.Let us be your beloved enabler by providinga comprehensive list of all the best places tofall off your stool.15. Gallery List16. Month of Art17. Month of MusicHear it, See it, Love it. Find out who’s playingand where.20. Listen Up!Reviews of new releases from Sufjan Stevens,Portastatic, The Rosebuds, and more22. Judge By the CoverCan Robert Gaddy guess what’s in the MedicineChest?23. Bob Mould interviewedBy Cy Rawls24.The Remix Projectby Eric Wolf25. What the Fuck is a Tantoo?Further Metrosexual investigation byJeramy Lowe28. Inane Observer30. Useless Information31. Two CentsAsk Claire Ashby, and she’ll give you her twocents-- for free.Cover by Daniel LynchThe Raleigh Hatchet is published monthly and available free of chargeat select locations.All individual content is the property of its creator. Reproductionwithout consent is strictly prohibited. If you would like to distribute TheRaleigh Hatchet at your location please email info@raleighhatchet.comPlease E-MAIL all press releases, submission requests and generalinquiries to the editor.

editor’s pageAs you all know, we here at The Hatchet,believe in doing things the right wayor not at all. No detail is too small, noamount of research too taxing. Naturally,when we set out, with the expertise oftireless event coordinator and promoterLincoln Hancock to guide us, to createHatchetfest—our three-day independentmusic extravaganza— we wanted to leavenothing to chance. While Linc was usinghis skills to book bands, find promotionalmaterials and liaison with agents, merchguys and the local media, we were usingour talents to uncover the many, the myriad,the disastrous moments and bad decisionsthat make up the history of music festivals.Sure, everybody knows about “breakfast inbed” for however many naked hormonallove freaks and that time when that dude setsome kind of instrument on fire in the ‘60’s.But what about the times when it all wenthorribly, horribly wrong? What would be instore for us then? A trunk-load of unboughtt-shirts? Some pissed-off dudes from Detroitwho want to know where the fuck the caseof Heineken their rider specified is? Actually,as I discovered, it can get a lot fuglier that.Here’s what we found out:In a whopper of a screwy the Hells Angelsreceived $500 worth of beer, to providesecurity for the 1969 music festival atAltamont Speedway in San Francisco. Yes,that one.In 1982, Steve Wozniak, one of the cofoundersof Apple Computer, Inc., held thefirst US Festival as a thank you to his friendswho helped him become so successful soquickly. It was by all accounts a total failure.When it was all over there were 340 arrests,12 drug overdoses and it was estimatedthat Wozniak, who was the US Festival’s soleinvestor, had lost as much as $12.5 million.Surprisingly, on Memorial Day weekend1983 he decided to try again. Over 800,000people were needed to break even but only300,000 people showed up. Between the twofestivals, Wozniak incurred a loss of at least$20 million.Okay so here’s what we’ve learned: 1)drunken gang members are not good atkeeping the peace—even with hippies and2) if everything goes to hell in a hand basket,we go broke, our houseplants die and ourfathers disown us, we will not do it again.These things we can promise, everythingelse is a crapshoot. So come on down toKings September 8 th , 9 th and 10 th . It’s time toparty y’all.

Consumer HeroThis month, the ConsumerHero’s pain lifts and separatesy Tim Andersonllustration by Kristin Matwiczykh Moses. Something horrible hashappened. Something absolutelyhocking, gratuitous, and vile. I can’t giveetails. Did my cat just step in front of aawnmower? Maybe. Did I mangle a fingerhile changing my most recent flat tire?erhaps. Did I spill a 2-liter Diet Rite Whiterape all over my laptop keyboard andit powerless as a Pulitzer-worthy piecef typing I had justnished meltedway forever?ould be. All ofhe above? I’mot saying.uffice it totate thaty life isow ruined:have to findnew pet, I’llever play theiola again, andcan’t even get onhe internet to get somemergency porn or pick a fight witheople on myspace.As I sat on the couch, glazed andiffused, contemplating which building tohrow myself from, watching Halle Berryn television say the word “fabulash”ver and over and over, I thought surelyhere was some household product Iould find that could calm me down, takeway thoughts of suicide, provide memmediate or at least eventual relief fromanic attack, and make me forever forgethat the word “fabulash” ever existed.bviously, I’d picked the wrong week toompletely run out of weed and Benadryl.Naturally, when the shit hits the fan,ne’s thoughts first turn to alcohol.nd while I firmly believe that there isbsolutely nothing wrong with stayingome alone and slamming back shotsntil the only reasonable option is too out in public naked and flailing, Iad to work in the morning. And I hado booze. My aching head sank into myhands, and for a minute I thought I saw abud between the cushions of the couch.I seized it in my hand, but it was only atiny piece of cat turd one of the dogshad taken from the litter box and notfully disposed of. I placed it aside in case Ineeded to smoke it later.My forefingers massaged my templesas if to coax some good ideas out of mydrug-not-addled brain. “No weed, nobooze, no Benadryl”I muttered. “No….weed…no…booze…..NetiPot!!” All of asudden I remembered that I’d recentlybought a Neti Pot nasal irrigationthingamie because my friend Clairehad told me it might help my snoringproblem, which was leading me andmy boyfriend rapidly down the road toa quickie divorce (and we weren’t evenmarried, much like Michael McDonaldand Patti LaBelle). It worked for a fewdays, softening the emissions of myhacksaw of a nose to an adorable gurglebefore it decided to revert to its defaultsetting of War of the Worlds-scale clamorand clang a few nights later.What you do is fill the little porcelainpot with warm-to-hot water, dissolvesome salt in it, bend over the sink, stickthe spout up one nostril, turn your head,and basically fill your nasal passageswith the salt water solution, sending itup towards your brain and then out theother nostril. After that you will have toblow your nose. For a good two hours, inmy case. Then you do the other nostril.After the whole process is complete,your nasal passages are as cleanas they could possibly expect toever be, and you can smell breadbaking in Barcelona. Also, and moreimportantly, you feel a little giddyand bleary. And while there is a longlist of other things I’d rather put upmy nose than a Neti Pot spout, it wasthe best I could do at the time. So Idid it.It helped a little. At least theconstant blowing of the nose tookmy mind off of my cat, my finger,and my Pulitzer. But the highfrom a Neti Pot buzz isdisappointingly fleeting,and I was soon backin panic mode, on myhands and knees inthe den desperatelysearching for a pill thatI could try to OD on.Snooping around in myboyfriend’s drawers, Ifound something thatI though might couldsmooth out the roughedges. Palmade. I’dheard that a little bitof it on the neck leadsto relaxation and moments of exquisitepleasure. I rubbed it all over my body.Rubbed it all over. Rubbed it in real good.It did feel good, that Palmade, butit still fell far short of the sweet, sweetoblivion I was in search of. I felt anotherpanic attack coming on and quick, soI ran into the den, having thought of agood way of at least staving it off fora few minutes. A few months ago, theboyfriend and I were babysitting hissister’s little bundle of joy, Ava Grace, andwhile her name is suggestive of quietconsumer hero5

and holy contemplation, thatnight her name may as wellhave been White Squall. Shewas desperately unhappyand nothing we did couldconvince her otherwise. So,like I usually do, I gave up. Igot my yoga mat, put in myDenise Austin Pilates DVD, andstarted stretching.If you’re unfamiliar withDenise Austin, she’s tennisstar Tracy Austin’s sisterand has a DVD for virtuallyevery body part that can beexercised. While she’s not assprightly and cute as Tamileefrom “Abs of Steel,” she’s gota voice that covers you like afavorite blanket; it’s soothing,encouraging, occasionallygrammatically challenged,and, for an exercise instructor,seemingly sincere. Well, themoment Denise started inwith her “Now let’s lift upwith a deep, deep breath,come on, oh it feels so goodand you are full of power andstrength, and now exhale!” AvaGrace fell silent. She stared atthe screen as if watching anepisode of the Teletubbies,mesmerized as Denise askedme to lower myself to thefloor one vertebra at time andstart my percussive breathing.Ava Grace didn’t make apeep during the entirety ofthe workout. As soon as Ifinished and cut the DVD off,she started choking up again,so I just pressed play and letDenise talk her down again.Remembering Denise’ssuccess with Ava Grace, I putthe DVD in and laid back onthe couch, my eyes closed, myhands resting on my gentlyrising and falling belly (or,as Denise says, “my powersource”). Deep breaths. Power.Strength. Ahhh, yes. Scapularstability. Control of movement.Quality not quantity. Legcircles. I was relaxed. At peace.Meditative. Really hungry.I rose from the couchbut kept Denise on in thebackground so I could feedoff her Zen. I fixed a frozenpizza and found some ranchdressing to dip the crust in.After eating, I went back to thePalmade. Rubbed it in all over.Rubbed it in real good.Thinking I had exhaustedall possibilities, I wondered ifI was going to have to leavethe house, take my brokeass down to Hargett Street,and give a few blowjobs forblow. Then, out of the cornerof my eye, I saw it. A copy ofthe B-52s’ first album on thefloor with a bunch of otherstrewn-about CDs. Oh my God.“Planet Claire,” “Rock Lobster,”“’52 Girls,” “Dance This MessAround,” they’d been there allalong. How could listening toa bunch of sublime and stupidsongs turned up to 11 anddancing my mess around notmake things at least a littlebetter? I put it on. And turnedit up. And shook it. I knockedover more Diet Rite onto thefloor while getting down withmy bad self, so I went to thebathroom and looked underthe sink for a rag. Then the potgot even sweeter.There, on the floor of thecabinet, was a tiny bottle ofTylenol PM. I picked it upand shook it. A tiny rattle. Myluck had indeed changed.The bottle wasn’t completelyempty. I popped open the capand there at the bottom wasone white pill. With my nameon it.I wasted no time. I poppedit—no, I threw it—into mymouth and swallowed it withno chaser. It took a while tostart working, but that wasok, because in the mean timeI had switched to ABBA Goldand was singing the backingvocals to “Take a Chance onMe” without missing a single“cha-chan-chance.” And soonI had danced enough to tiremyself out and let the pill takeover.Finally, at long last, Idropped to the couchexhausted, lifted a blanketover me, and fell into a deepsleep, in which I enjoyed anorgy with Chiqitita, Fernando,and the Dancing Queen.It was fabulash.

eath by Vanillay Charles Mangins I sit, digesting my dinner of pollo allacacciatore at Guarino’s Italian restauranthidden away at 1503 Buck Jones Road, in theasement floor of a tire shop) my thoughtstray to my most recent international trip:wo weeks last year, spent by myself, roamingrom Palermo to Milan. An experience I’meady to repeat as soon as time and budgetllow. As for the chicken cacciatore, I’meady to get that again, too. Theirs is theest I’ve found that didn’t originate in myrandmother’s kitchen.’ll likely write more about Guarino’s infuture column, but allow me to take aoment to introduce you, gentle reader, inase you’ve never had the pleasure. Guarino’ss not an Italian themed restaurant. It’s antalian restaurant, run by a family of Italians.he kind that come from New Jersey.My father’s family is of similar southerntalian extraction, settling in New Jersey inhe early part of the last century, and it wasartly my mission to discover more abouthat branch of my family tree that inspiredy most recent overseas trip. As each daynfolded, I was better able to understand thexperiences, environments, the cities, peoplend attitudes that shaped my genetic history.Every day during that trip, no matterhere I was, circumstances dictated thatconsume at least a full bottle of wine.etween lunch, dinner and after-dinnernacks, there wasn’t a day that I didn’t haveine. Ranging from delicate to powerful, thenonymous, ubiquitous local table winesere my constant companions. Regardless ofhe locale, travelers are always best advisedo order the vino locale. Drink what the localsrink; eat what the locals eat.And wherever I went, the locals wereating gelato. Oh yes, there wasn’t a day thatent by that I didn’t have at least one servingf gelato.Contentedly pondering this fact, andlready having had two glasses of the househianti, I ask the waiter if they have gelaton their dessert menu. Unfortunately, no,ut they do serve a powerfully good, homeadecannoli— sweet ricotta and chocolatehips piped into a crisp, fresh pastry shell.ertainly enough to satisfy any Italianweet tooth, I am more than pleased withhe cannoli. But as I amble to my car in thelightly tipsy way in which I’d made my waycross Italy, my mind is still set on gelato.Luckily, I have already found a place onillsborough Street that would fit nicely intoost any Italian cityscape.But, you may ask, what is gelato, andhow is it different from the standard, runof-the-hand-cranked-millice cream? It’s likeasking the difference between a McDonaldshamburger and one from Char Grill. Or thedifference between a Wendy’s Frosty and thehand-scooped milkshake I described in mylast column. For one thing, a real milkshakedoesn’t contain things like corn syrup,carrageenan and guar gum.What marks gelato as a different speciesfrom Breyers’ and Baskin Robbins’ fare isnot so much the ingredient list, but themethod of its manufacture. Gelato is frozenand churned in such a way that there isless air in the final product than typicalice cream. Denser than the highest-pricedpremium pints, gelato also usually tastesless distractingly sweet, relying on thesmoother texture and velvety mouth-feel,imparted by smaller ice crystals and fewerair bubbles, to deliver more complicated,subtle flavors. Think hazelnut or pistachio,not Chunky Monkey. Paradoxically, though,gelato tends to have less fat that typical icecream, and more sugar. The closest thingto gelato that most people I talk to havetried is Goodberry’s frozen custard, which,like gelato, is ice cream made in the Frenchtradition, with eggs.Regardless of the mysteries of gelatoproduction, I love the stuff. It could be madewith pork fat and the blood of virgins for allI care.A Google search for gelato in Raleighreveals only two places in town (and one inCary, but I try to avoid Cary as a matter ofprinciple). 518 West Italian Restaurant at 518West Jones Street (a popular place at myoffice for group lunch get-togethers) makesand serves a few flavors on their dessertmenu, but the excellent and authenticSilvia D’Italia Gelato Cafe at the corner ofHillsborough and Pogue streets is where Ihead when I have a hankering for the coldstuff.From what I’ve found, there are only afew gelaterias in the state, though the Italiandessert is supposedly spiking in popularityin this country. This is one trend I’m wishingwe’d catch up with the rest of the country on.Much of the true gelato experienceconsists of slowly walking the medievalstreets of ancient Italian towns, cone orcup in hand, drinking in the atmosphere,sounds and sights, while nibbling on the coldconcoction. The café culture, sitting at a tableon the sidewalk sipping coffee and watchingthe world pass by, is still alive and strong, butafter dinner a leisurely stroll or passagiatais more traditional. Silvia D’Italia is perfectlysituated as the starting point for just such astroll.I park around the corner, peeking intoFoundation’s Edge to make sure it’s stillthere and as weird as I remember, then headinside to pore over the day’s flavor selection.A hearty scoop of stracciatella—chocolatechips in vanilla gelato—serves as sustenanceas I turn left out the door and start tomeander. A stroll down Hillsborough, whilecertainly less continental than a similar jauntin, say, Naples, has its advantages. Thereare more pizza places here—though sadly,Brothers is gone now—and fewer Vespasthan in Naples.Another good after-dinner stroll, one withslightly more potential for window shoppingand, depending on the hour, peoplewatching, is along Glenwood south. Afterdinner at Sushi Blues or Zely & Ritz, head upthe hill to Turkish Delights, the purple houseat 125 Glenwood Avenue. They don’t havegelato, and the ice cream they serve isn’tmade on the premises, but it’s still prettydamned good. The specialties, as the namewould imply, are Turkish coffee and pastries.Ranging from the savory to the sweet,the pastry offerings go from the familiarbaklava to the slightly less well-knownbourek. In between, there are a number ofMiddle Eastern sweetened treats drippingwith honey, as well as savory pies filled withspinach and feta.For an after dinner visit, I recommendhaving a seat along the wall with a demitasseof the intense, unfiltered Turkish coffee. Sipslowly and don’t stir. Once you’re vibratingfrom the caffeine, work it out of your systemby walking up and down Glenwood withyour preferred flavor of ice cream slowlydripping out the end of a waffle cone. For aslightly more unique dessert, combine thetwo experiences; where else can you get abaklava sundae?Share and enjoy.

2005King’s Barcade 424 S McDowell St. Raleigh September 8 th -10 thThis month we proudly present the first ever Hatchetfest, a three-day extravaganza of independentmusic sponsored by the good people at Kings, WKNC 88.1 and of course, the braintrust you’ve cometo know as the Raleigh Hatchet. Why do we do it? Is it love for our readers? No, stupid, we do it for therock, and in the Triangle not only are we lucky to be enough surrounded by great musical talent, we’realso conveniently located for picking off great touring acts as they make their way up and down theeast coast –- and with CMJ coming up, bands from Florida to Finland are on the road. Plus, we figured itwas time to raffle off some nice prizes —including a sweet make-over -- so wash your hair, update yourmyspace profile and get ready to party. Or else . . .Patty Hurst Shifterwww.pattyhurstshifter.comThursday September 8thStarts at 9:00forth by his amplified left foot. The remainder of this one-manband consists of an unwieldy combination of beat-up amplifiersand old microphones strung together by a tangled mess of guitarcables.Hearts and DaggersSealed for life by a pact at the Devil’s Tramping Ground in NorthCarolina, Hearts and Daggers offers you redemption. Redemptionvia whiskey, broken hearts, and suffering dreams. It’s a gospel andthey’ll be preaching it. They exist somewhere on the far side ofall that traditional and obvious country and bluegrass, mixing ina fair measure of punk, reggae, Tom Waits, and The Pogues andperhaps even a little dash of the piedmont blues, cause you can’tdeny your roots.Friday September 9thStarts at 9:00An Americana supergroup from NC that includes members ofSnatches of Pink and Whiskeytown. The Shifter has a sound meatyenough for those who like big hooks and a hard-rock thump,and lean enough for those who like things rock-star skinny andgraceful, with plenty of space between the notes for the vividscenes set by frontman/songwriter J. Chris Smith to sink in.Scott H. Biramwww.scottbiram.comScott H. Biram won’tdie. On May 11th, 2003,one month after beinghit head-on by an 18-wheeler at 75 MPH, hetook the stage at TheContinental Club inAustin, TX in a wheelchair - I.V. still danglingfrom his arm. With 2broken legs, a broken foot, a broken arm and 1 foot less of hislower intestine, Biram unleashed his trademark musical wrath.Afterall, rock ‘n’ Roll isn’t pretty, and neither is Scott H. Biram.The self proclaimed ‘Dirty Old One Man Band’ successfully, andsometimes violently, lashes together blues, hillbilly and countryprecariously to raucous punk and godless metal. His singing,yodeling, growling and leering is accompanied by sloppy riffsand licks from his 1959 Gibson and pounding backbeat broughtCirclewww.circlefinland.comBorn in the bucolic cityof Pori, Finland, Circle hasbeen defying expectationssince 1991. Thisunpredictable ensembleled by Jussi Lehtisalohas been reinventing,refining and perfectingits technical drones andheavy riffs over the courseof numerous European,American and Japanesereleases. The band devoursand personalizes skewedprogressive-rock rhythms,distorted guitar firepower,cosmic sound paintings,gleaming minimalismand hymnal incantationswritten in a made-uplanguage called Meronian. Circle’s instantly recognizable albumsand frantic live sets have garnered ample international praisewhile exploring the outer limits of grinding tension and celestialcalm.

Strangewww.thisisstrange.orgtheir more experimental leanings. Subverting and embracingtradition, Pyramid began to compose music with an eye towardplaying live. In the summer of 2002, the band emerged from thebasement with a slew of new material and took to the stage,garnering critical praise. Just recently they were voted Charlotte’s“Best Local Band” in Creative Loafing magazine’s 2005 Best ofCharlotte Edition.Dynamite Bros.www.dynamitebrothers.comRaleigh quintet Strange recently unveiled a new lineup and abunch of new material, and the word on the street is that they’reonly getting better. Drawing on Thirteenth-Floor psychedelia,electric-era Miles, Bauhaus goth and Factory punk, Strange useseclectic instrumentation and free arrangements to constructsurprisingly accessible and memorable songs.Urdogwww.urdog.comUrdog formed in the late summerof the year 2002 in the strangelybesmirched, smallish town ofProvidence, Rhode Island. Two, by nameof Jeff and Erin, equipped solely withaged and decrepit farfisa minicompactand ramshackle drum ‘kit’ and led bya fierce yet loveable dog by name ofParmalee, set out to form a progressivebeat combo of sorts. Months later, Daveappeared, armed with fender mustangand a confusing array of pedals and thus their sound was born;equal parts prog and psych rock that at times can delve into akind of hypnotic repetition that always remains interesting.Pyramidwww.sidewalkexplosion.comFormed in North Carolina in 1997, Pyramid was conceived as anoutlet for musical experimentation. This approach lead to manyextended sessions holed up inside a small basement recordinghours upon hours of sonicexplorations - favoringimprovisation overstructure, intuition overformula. Gradually, theband found themselvesreturning to certainaspects of musical formand classic songwriting- maintaining a grasp onThis trio based out ofChapel Hill, NC specializesin their own brand of rockn’ roll that blends blues,soul, punk, funk, garagerock, jazz, and other styles.Elements of Muddy Waters,Funkadelic, the Chambers Brothers, the Who, R.L. Burnside, Staxsoul, Bad Brains, Little Richard, and Sly and the Family Stone echothroughout their original sound. The Dynamite Brothers startedas a duo consisting of Scott Nurkin (Drums, Vocals) and MitchellRothrock (Guitar, Vocals) in the summer of 1998. The band playedhouse parties, the occasional club gig, and eventually began totour the South. The Brothers added Shane Hartman on bass inearly 2002, and recorded and toured as a trio until his departureearlier this year. Now they’re back, and we hear they’ve tradedthe bass for keys -- whatever the case, this evening will begin withsome kick ass boogie rock.Saturday September 10thStarts at 9:00A Rooster for the Masseswww.aroosterforthemasses.comJ.E. Pilkington of the Raleigh Hatchet says, “Socially-consciousrhapsodies fused with danceable, disco-like grooves that workover an electronic/organic hybrid of beats, synths and guitar.A messy contradiction? Hardly. It’s the very crux of Rooster’sphilosophy: people can think and shake their asses at the sametime. Imagine a Station To Station era Bowie backed by SaintEtienne, with Graham Coxon and Howard Zinn thrown in forkicks. Don’t be mistaken, though - these aren’t the gutter-spunpolitico-alibis of Ani Difranco or Michelle Shocked, nor are theythe visionary gospels of Patti Smith; Rooster have shaped theirown unique manifesto, a declaration of “everything you know isbullshit - let’s dance”. And dance we do”

Fatal Flying Guilloteenswww.fatalflyingguilloteens.comThe Fatal Flying Guilloteens are fromHouston; the other Texas. Their soundis tough to peg, words like “blues” and“angular” are thrown around liberally asare “what”, “the” and “fuck”. Often elusive,the Guilloteens have played a sinistergame of slap and tickle culminating in a handful of 7”s and two full lengthLps. Efforts have been upped to further their reach with extended outingsacross the country, often resulting in similar reactions to those nowlegend within Texas.The Bleeding Heartswww.thebleedinghearts.netBorn from the seeds ofdiscontent The Bleeding Heartsset out with one goal, to have funplaying music. And that is exactlywhat they have done. More thanany one style of music, they arean era of music, the late 70’s. Theytry to incorporate the guitarpopof Cheap Trick, The Knack and The Cars; the hard rock of KISS, AC/DCand Ted Nugent; the punk sounds of The Ramones and Johnny Thunderswith the sleaze and soul of mid-period Rolling Stones. The songs areupbeat and guitar oriented, often with sarcastic lyrics. Live, they are raw,aggressive and power-packed.Awesome New Republicwww.awesomenewrepublic.comMiami’s Awesome New Republic fuses catchy R&B, southern soul andexperimental rock and they do it all with just two band members, JohnHancock on drums and vocals and B. Rob E. Robertson on keyboards.They combine a keen musicological knowledge with a bursting senseof optimism, while investigating socio-political issues via stream ofconsciousness lyrics that in part are influenced by English translation oflate ‘60s Brazilian music. And what does all that translate into? Lots ofenergy, bouncy grooves, sweatpants, and usually, no shirts.EsquimauxNo doubt some Hatchet readers caught this band at a totally packed showwith The Greatest Hits at Slim’s Downtown last month. They remindedus of Bowie fronting BOC, which ain’t too bad a combo. In any case, youmight remember their guitar player Galen from his days in The Weather . .. We could barely see Esquimaux through the throngs of Raleigh rock fansat Slims, so at this point we’re just anxious to find out if their pants look asgood as their music sounds.

he Body Commodity:Or Having a Creative Meeting with Your Pornstary Libby Lynnast week, I attended a creative meetingith a famous pornstar. It was her first visito North Carolina, and I was thrilled at thehance to meet her. I’d enjoyed her previousork exactly seven times, and spent severalours assembling an outfit that wouldn’take me look too humungous.Aside from their chosen careers andreast implants, there is one thing thatost pornstars have in common: They’rencredibly petite, tiny people. I’ve neveret an Adult star who stood over fiveeet tall. I’m five eight in heels, I weigh 140ounds, I’m naturally boisterous, and I’m aig fan of this lady. I didn’t want to frightener, so I wore a long black skirt with flatsnd took my medication.Imagine what this is like for me:I’m sitting at a large conference tableith several associates. We’re equippedith palm pilots, legal pads and years ofrofessional experience. It’s nine in theorning. The summer, which is particularlyorgeous this year, is blasting through theindows like pollen bombs, and everyones fidgeting. Deadlines loom. This meetings eating up a chunk of needed time.e’ve gathered here after receiving thiselegram:[PORNSTAR] WILL BE MEETING WITHS AT 9. STOP. PLEASE COME PREPARED,S MEETING IS SHORT DUE TO SCHEDULEONFLICTS. STOP. EXISTING MATERIALSILL PROVIDE VISUAL REFERENCE AS TOUR REQUIREMENTS. STOP. BE NICE. STOP.Now, imagine what this is like for theorn star.[PORNSTAR], who shall here forth beeferred to (and I refer to my How to Pickour Pornstar Name guide) as Maddie Jones,nters stage right. She is accompanied by aandom other, as pornstars often are.These others are known as Suitcaseimps; I don’t have much to say abouthem because I haven’t found themo be particularly useful. A commonisconception in the Adult industry is thatnly females have SP’s, which I’ve found toe false. Most of the male pornstars I meetave at least three random SP’s in tow,hereas females typically have one.Maddie and her SP glance aroundthe room with nervous eyes; they’reoutnumbered and out of their territory.The ratio is something like 5 Marketeers: 1Pornstar + 1. It’s no wonder they’re nervous.They sit across from us and smile.“Good morning, Maddie!” we say.“Hi,” Maddie smiles.“Good morning, Suitcase Pimp!” we say.“Hey what’s up,” SP says.“Welcome to ADAM & EVE!” we grin.One coworker gets up to facilitatethe meeting. She heads to the giant dryeraseboard, which is typically reservedfor sales and results meeting. After a briefintroduction to why we - five professionals,one pornstar and one SP - are in this room,she pops the top off a marker and beginstaking notes.We’ve been in this meeting less thanfive minutes when I blurt out “So, Maddie,do you do anal?” I find this questionperfectly acceptable. But here’s a valuablelife lesson: Even when dealing with peoplewho make money off their privates, thereare some subjects that are still private.Maddie blushes and looks at us withher dewy doe eyes. I shut my talk hole. Thefacilitator interrupts the silence and steersto a new topic.“Maddie, don’t you have a photo shootcoming up in a few weeks?” the facilitatorasks.“Um, I think. On the fifteenth orsomething,” Maddie says. “For, like, boxcovers and lingerie, maybe.”“Do you think you could do some extraglams so we can use them to promotedifferent products on web and printpresentations?”Maddie’s eyebrows drop. “What?”The facilitator reassesses. “Do you thinkyou could do some nude and clothedphotographs in sexy poses? We can usethese pictures on our website and inour catalogs that customers get in theirmailboxes. Like, if you pretended youwere having an orgasm, which we call anorgasmic pose, we could take that pictureand put it on a flyer. Then, we’d put avibrator next to you, so when someonesees you having an orgasm next to the vibe,they’ll think Oh, I want to have an orgasmjust like Maddie Jones!”Maddie smiles. “Oh. Totally!”And then things take a bad turn. We’reconstantly in need of glams and newvisuals, and we bombard poor Maddie withrequests and demands.“Can you do a shhh shot, with yourfinger to your lips?”“How ‘bout one with the camerabetween your legs, zooming in on yourbreasts?”“We need some generic holiday photos,especially Christmas.”“I’d love some fully clothed smart-girlshots. Can you get a pair of glasses?”“I’m so glad you have natural tits. Canwe get some close-ups for organic breastenhancement products?”“We need a placement shot, somethingwhere you fake-hold something so we canphotoshop a vibe or a dildo or somethinginto your hands.”“Maddie, do you do nice ass shots?”“Oh, YES. We need ass shots up the ass.”“Yea, tons of ass shots. Bend over shots.And some beaver shots. Do you shave?”“Do you have good legs? We alwaysneed some good leg photos.”Maddie interrupts and lifts her frenchmanicuredhands. “OK. Let’s hold a minute.Would you mind taking turns so I can writethis all down? I have a lot of modelingexperience and I will do all of these poses.I’ll make sure they fit what you need. But Iwon’t understand what you want if you alltalk at once.”We pause, a little stunned.“And yes, I do anal,” she says.Our hearts leapt with joy. Golden beamsof sunlight fanned across the conferencetable. We saw the future reflected inthe wood, and it was good. We gazed atMaddie’s beautiful face, we kneeled at herpedicured feet, we saw that she wore ViaSpigas instead of clear plastic stripper heels.We genuflected to the curving beauty ofher erection-friendly ass. And we embracedMaddie with reverent, consecrated, eternaland conditionless love.Libby Lynn is a local writer who worksat Adam & Eve headquarters. Althoughher stories don’t represent their views orpolicies, she strongly encourages you to visitadameve.com, and request a catalog. You’llget 50% off any item when you do!sex11

These parts are chock full of clubs,pubs, dives and lounges. Below you’llfind some Raleigh Hatchet favorites.If your favorite bar isn’t listed yet,feel free to email and pass theinformation along, but please don’tfreak out and call us. We’re hungover and we’re already planning toexpand this section each month. MyGod man, we can only drink so much.RALEIGH42 nd St Oyster Bar508 W. Jones Street(919) 831-2811Just about as old school Raleigh asa bar can be, this traditional heavywood and brass rail bar locatedin the popular seafood restaurantis frequented by governmentworkers, big business people andsocial drinkers. Excellent old schoolbartenders.and a rowdy weekendatmosphere with live music.Abyssinia2109 Avent Ferry Rd Ste 150(919) 664-8151You may think it sounds weird, butthis is a great little bar hidden awayin an Ethiopian restaurant in a stripmall. Every time I’ve been here, theplace has been populated with offwork taxi drivers. Very laid back. Beeronly.April and George414 Glenwood Ave(919) 828-9082Upscale wine bar that offersoccasional DJ’s and dancing. Terrificart that changes monthly. One of theonly Glenwood South bars that risesabove the grown up frat party scene.Aries Lounge400 W Morgan St.Suite 102Raleigh, NC 27603Urban chic Raleigh style, whichmeans laid back-with the emphasison good old school DJ’s and no frillsimpromptu dance parties. Weeklydrink specials, monthly zodiacparties and a good straightforwardbar staff.Berkley Café217 W. Martin Street(919) 821-0777Downtown live music venue thatshowcases blues, jazz and a weeklyopen mic night. right next door tothe bill payin’ place. A mix of oldtimers and college kids. Late nightmenu.Bernard St Tavern1914 Bernard St(919) 833-6950A dive in every sense, Bernard Streetis a Hatchet favorite. There’s jukeboxwith old school country and top40 hip-hop. Crazy regulars and baddécor. We love it. Private club.Bickett Gallery Art Bar209 Bickett Blvd Raleigh(919) 836.5358Cozy, intimate beer and wine bar(soon to have full abc permits) inRaleigh’s Five Points. Fantastic patio,live acoustic music and DJ’s, verychill.bars, bars, barsBlue Martini116 N. West St.(919) 899-6464A new edition to the PowerhouseSquare, located in the former TazaGrill location, but all dressed up fortrendy sophistication. Offers tapasand DJ’s on the weekend.Blincos5009 Falls of Neuse Rd790-3882A pretty typical sports bar, with beeron tap, bar food and lots of TV’s.You have to love a North Raleighrestaurant that’s not a national chainthough. Strange grouping of hockeyenthusiasts.Bogart’s American Grill510 Glenwood Ave suite 109(919) 832-1122Trendy martini bar that’s a bit on thepricey side but offers good live jazzand infused vodkas.CC’s313 W. Hargett Street(919) 755-9599On of Raleigh’s oldest queer bars.Live piano music. Can get a littlecrazy towards last call. Private Club.Café Cyclo202 Cameron St. 27605919.829.3773Urban chic but in the strip mall, thisCameron Village restaurant bar sellsdelicious espresso cocktails and hasa huge martini menu. Smoke freeenvironment.Cappers4421 Six Forks Rd Ste 115(919) 787-8963A Raleigh standard, Cappershas been showcasing local andtouring jazz acts for 15 years. Theatmosphere is grown up and laidback.Capital Room112 Fayetteville StreetRaleigh, NC 27601(919)-833-1722Casual bar and eatery across fromthe state capitol provides a muchneeded no frills alternative to scoresof trendy downtown bars. Good oldschool bartenders.Churchill’s1622 Glenwood Ave(919) 831-1525Five points old school bar withdarts, a crap load of wood panelingand expensive scotch. The feeling isrelaxed and unpretentious. PrivateClub.Comet Lounge3003 Hillsborough St(919) 833-8090NC State hole in the wall withgrungy charm and cheap drinks.Dance floor, DJ’s. Pool tables. PrivateClub.Dive Bar3 Glenwood Ave(919) 832-9363Don’t let the name fool you; DiveBar isn’t as crappy as it sounds.It’s actually kind of nice. Chromefixtures, Video games, hunkybartenders that look like the dudeson 5 th Wheel and cheap ass drinks.Private Club.East Village1 Dixie Tr.(919) 821-9985This bar has a great patio; otherwiseit’s pretty much your standard collegehangout. Young crowd, cheap drinks,good bloody mary’s and burgers.Five Star511 W. Hargett St.(919) 833-3311Urban Asian eatery that turns into hiphopdance bar for the late night. Verychic. Good bartenders and great darkslinky atmosphere. They’ll be relocatedby the new Raleigh rail project so enjoywhile you can.Flex2 S. West Street(919) 832-8855This bar is so gay they even put gayporn on their website. An undergrounddive that offers great drink specials(Mondays well drinks are a buck and aquarter) and Thursdays are Trailer Parkdrag shows – with prizes! Private Club.Fluid16201 Glenwood Ave(919) 828-9993Some say this bar is like Miami Beachin Raleigh – with its stylish and scantilyclad clientele. Mirrors everywhere.Upscale drink menus and DJ’s creatinga Latin vibe. Private Club.Flying Saucer328 W. Morgan Street(919) 821-7401My god this bar has a lot of beer, thereare miles of taps and a coded beer listto help you navigate them all. YoungProfessionals. Hot waitresses. Late nightfood.The Goat5111 Western Blvd(919) 233-4143The shiniest dive in Raleigh. No shit.Even with no overhead lighting there’sstill enough faux chrome to make itradiant like a tanning salon, albeit avery cozy tanning salon. It’s frequentedby NC State white hats and area lifers,plays a pretty decent selection of rockand punk music and offers cheapdrinks and cheaper Jell-o shots in amouth-watering variety of fruit flavors.Thumbs up. Private club.Havana Deluxe437 Glenwood Ave(919) 831-0991A cigar bar with leather couches andvery dark intimate atmosphere thatis occasionally violated on weekendnights by Glenwood Southers. Greatmargaritas and martinis. Private club.Helios Coffee Company413 Glenwood Ave(919) 838 5177By day a coffee shop, at night Heliosturns into a wine and beer bar withDJ’s and a comfortable smoke freeatmosphere.Hibernian311 Glenwood Avenue(919) 833-2258A Hatchet daytime bar favorite – it’sdark and quiet and the bartendersare amazing smart-asses. At night youmight hear the Cranberries on one sideof the room and a guy covering DonMcLean’s American Pie on the other.Humble Pie317 S. Harrington Street(919) 829-9222The oasis of the warehouse districtlocated in a hundred year old tilewarehouse. The space is open andinviting. Patio seating and $5 topshelf martinis on Thursday nights. AHatchet Favorite.Jack Pot1303 Hillsborough St(919) 821-8422The ultimate dive bar with a hipstercrowd. Dark, loud, smoky and cheap.Great DJ’s playing rock, punk, soul anddepressing country. What could bebetter. Cute bartenders. Private Club.Jillians117 S. West Street(919) 821-7887Should you ever need 50 pool tables,an outdoor volleyball court andhibachi grills this is the place to findthem. College crowd. Strict dresscode. Look for the giant shark’s headon the outside wall.Kings424 S McDowell St(919) 831-1005Live music venue with full liquorpermits, this bar is spacious andcaters to the music enthusiast in theknow. Live music, Monday night trivia,Tuesday night movies, Wednesdaynight comedy, vintage video gamesand good drinks. A Hatchet Favorite.Private Club.Legends330 W. Hargett Street(919) 831-8888Raleigh’s original gay dance bar. Dragshows on the weekends, DJ’s andGoth nights. Private Club.The Longbranch600 Creekside Dr(919) 829-1125A redneck extravaganza. Line dancing,mechanical bull riding and theoccasional freak scene like GreatWhite or midget coleslaw wrestling(really just short women).Private Club.Martin St. Music Hall14 W Martin St(919) 833-9666Multi-level music venue and drinkingcomplex. Downstairs lounge andsoon to be restaurant has a hugebar and relaxed urban atmosphere.Upstairs stage and dance floor withweekly DJ’s and bands.Mitch’s Tavern2426 Hillsborough St 27607(919) 821-7771There are tasteful paintings of nakedwomen behind the bar of this NCSUcollege staple. Lots of old schoolcharm - Bull Durham was filmedhere – but it gets rowdy during Stategames. Late night menu and cheapbeer.MoJoes620 Glenwood Ave.(919) 832-6799A burger joint with a stripped downattitude - named after Mojo Nixonand frequented by people who’venever heard of him. Late night menuand buckets of beer. The Hatchet

editorial staff reigns supreme onthe mega-touch machine at thisGlenwood South bar.Moonlight Pizza615 W. Morgan Street(919) 755-9133Boylan Heights neighborhoodpizzeria that cuts the music forChapelle’s Show and weird X-tremeSpike TV events. Comfortable andstylish. Great bartenders. A HatchetFavorite.Northside Billiards815 E Whitaker Mill Rd(919) 828-0254Beer bar with pool tables (duh)and a juke box so crappy its great.Neighborhood and dive bar appealnext door to a hot dog shack and amuffler shop.The Office310 S. West Street(919) 828-9994The name of this bar is funny becauseyou can tell your wife you’re goingto be at “The Office” late and youwon’t be lying. Exclusively pricedmemberships, DJ’s and a VIP lounge.Private Club.The Office Tavern710 West Johnson St.833-5165The name of this bar is funny becauseyou can send people looking forThe Office to The Office Tavern andconfuse the living shit out of them.Unholy dive bar with a surprisingamount of charm. Cheap beer.Oxygen412 W. Davie Street(919) 821-3188Raleigh’s largest and most wellpromoted dance club. DJ’sWednesday thru Saturday. Caters to ayounger well dressed (and by this wemean barely clothed) crowd.Players Retreat105 Oberlin Rd. 27605(919) 755-9589Ancient cozy dive bar annexed byNCSU students and professors. Oldschool sports bar vibe.Pooles Diner426 S McDowell StRaleigh, NC 27601(919) 832-4477Named after the original 1950’slunch counter that once inhabitedthe space this daytime lunch spotconverts into a retro-casual late nitebar that’s comfortable enough for anevening with friends but charmingenough for a first date. The drinkscan be pricey, but they’re morethan worth it. Food served late onweekends – don’t miss the mac andcheese!Porters2412 Hillsborough St(919) 821-2133A sophisticated establishment on adeserted street Porters is the bestthing going on the NC State strip.Stylish atmosphere manages toscare off obnoxiously drunk collegestudents. Amazing gourmet nachos.Extensive drink menu.bars, bars, barsPour House224 S Blount St(919) 821-1120Live music venue that can onlybe described as “funky.” Vintagefurnishings, pool tables full liquorpermits and mug nights. Private Club.Profile625 E. Whitaker Mill Rd(919) 833-4527Typical, but very large andaccommodating, sports bar. Bar food,crap loads of TV’s and a great staff.Plus the most up to date mega-touchmachine in Raleigh.Ri Ra126 N. West Street(919) 833-5535Irish-style pub with secluded seating,Trivia on Tuesday nights late nightmenu and booming weekend crowds.Rockford320 1/2 Glenwood Avenue(919) 821-9020In Style magazine calls this bar an“unassuming hipster hideway” we callit the first bar on the Glenwood SouthStrip and still one of the best. Goodstrong drinks, good music and verylittle meat market action.Sadlacks2116 Hillsborough St(919) 828-9190A drunkard’s institution withcheap beer, cheap sandwiches andpatio seating that’s extremely wellpopulated in the spring and summer.Fantastic bathroom graffiti.Second Empire Tavern330 Hillsborough St.(919) 829-3663An affordable alternative to the 5 starrestaurant bearing the same name.Late night appetizer menu, outdoorseating and plenty of old Raleighcharm – and patrons.Slims227 S Wilmington St(919) 833-6557Downtown distillery that caters tothe loud and crazy old school crowd.Outdoor seating. Shuffleboard tablesand very personable bartenders.Private Club.Sharky’s5800 Duraleigh Rd Ste 101(919) 783-5448What appears to be a typical Raleighpool hall/bar is just that. Very eccentricowner, very dry staff. This place ispretty cool, for a North Raleigh poolhall.Village Draft House428 Daniels St/ 27605(919) 833-1373Clean, new-looking Cameron Villagesports bar. The wings are great, andso are the beer specials. A selectionof about fifteen or so draft beerswill cater to most everyone’s taste.Décor runs from sports and beer to awhole wall dedicated to pictures ofcelebrities recent and past. A goodplace to be in the afternoon, butcrowded during ACC sports broadcastsand weekend nights.Vin410 Glenwood AveSuite 350/ 27603(919) 834-3070European style wine bar andgourmet restaurant has a greatcheap late night food menu.Excellent wine selection and coveredpatio seating. DJ’s on first Fridaysand every Saturday night.Western Lanes2512 Hillsborough St(919) 832-3533Any place that caters to late nightdrunken bowlers can’t be bad. Theabsolute kicker is that the lady behindthe bar seems to cherish nothingmore in the world than sliding yourbeer down the bar to you. A Hatchetfavorite.White Collar Crime319 W. Davie StRaleigh, NC 27601919-828-0055Cozy, artful and easy to lose time in,this is a great open, well lit upscaleplace – in a former Wells Fargodepository. Extensive cocktail menu.fantastic bartenders, garden patio.DURHAM48 Hours2825 Roxboro St(919) 317-1600The Cosmic Cantina1920 1/2 Perry St at 9th Street(919) 286-1875If you can endure the highly privilegedDuke students on their weekly bender,the food is amazing and cheap- and the drinks are worth it just toeavesdrop on the future power playersof America.Down Under Pub802 W Main St at N. Duke Street(919) 682-0039One of the better dive bar scenes inDurham, the Down Under caters toarbitrary walk-ins and has a low-keyneighborhood feel. Intriguing clientele,late night food and cheap beer, andfull liquor.The Federal914 W. Main Street680-8611A new hipster hangout in Durhamthat’s spacious yet cozy. It’s got salads,sandwiches, tapas, all the top-shelfwine & beer you could want, and DJMarco will be setting the mood withdusty vinyl gems from his 60s-70s soul,jazz and funk crates.George’s Garage737 9th St(919) 286-4131Open and stylish space with upscalepatrons, a busy local bar businessand tremendous Apple-tini’s. Thepork chops will make you so happy. AHatchet favorite.Green Room1108 Broad St(919) 286-2359We love this bar! A depression erapool hall with original fixtures and agratifying bell that rings for every tip.Very pleasing shuffleboard table anda juke box full of guilty pleasures. Cutebartenders.James Joyce912 W Main St(919) 683-3022Ye olde Irish pub right in the heartof downtown Durham. Dimly lit,comfortable and sociable. Goodselection of beers, bar food and weeklyTrivia.Jo & Joes427 W. Main St.(919) 688-3322Neighborhood joint that really remindsme of the bar on MASH. Unpretentiousfood, drink and crowd.Montas2223 US Highway 54 E(919) 361-2390Not so much a bar as a dance club– Montas is a great place to learn salsadancing or practice your moves withoutwrangling drunks on the way to thedance floor. Tropical drink specials, DJ’s.Private Club.Parizades2200 W Main St(919) 286-9712Greek/Mediterranean restaurant withDJ’s and dancing on weekends.Ringside308 West Main St(919) 680-2100There’s a wonderful big city/opium denfeel to this three story former gay barthat has since come to appeal to thenewly crowned metrosexual crowd. Livemusic, DJ’s, and a piano bar downstairs. AHatchet favorite. Private Club.Shooters827 W Morgan St(919) 680-0428You know you have always wantedto ride a mechanical bull. Here’s yourchance, pal. They supply full padding ifyou feel as if you cannot hang with theurban cowboy. Possible encounters withscary locals, but well worth it. Cheapbeer. Live Music. Private club.Talk of the Town108 E Main St(919) 682-7747Warm friendly restaurant and bar thatoffers nightly entertainment via DJ’s,jazz, R&B or soul acts. Laid back andgrown up.CHAPEL HILL/CARRBOROCaffe Pane & Vino418 West Franklin St(919) 942-1556Charming and comfortable Europeanstyle café with a simple selection ofpastries, sandwiches, coffee drinks andwines. Great wine list. Sidewalk patio.Carolina Brewery460 W Franklin Street(919) 942-1800Two story open/industrial space. Catersto sports enthusiasts with an in housebasketball hoop, local brews on tap anda good bar menu.The Cave452 1/2 W Franklin St(919) 968-9308Located 10 feet under West Franklinthis live music venue showcaseslocal rock, folk and alt country. Pooltables, pin ball and good beer on

ars, bars, barstap. Plus a real under ground rock décor – verysurreal.Dead Mule303 W Franklin St(919) 969-7659A little house next to McDonalds – but still cool.Great porch. Huge liquor selection and interestingcrowd. Private Club.East End Martini Bar201 East Franklin St.(919) 929-0024Upscale un-college bar with over 150 types ofliquor, an enormous martini menu and “night onthe town” atmosphere.Hell157 1/2 E Rosemary St(919) 929-7799A basement dive with a good jukebox dingyfeel lots of concrete and cheap cocktail specials.Bartenders hate Journey and cosmopolitans, Golate for the best time.Lantern423 W Franklin St(919) 969-8846A dark stylish bar attached to the best, if notonly pan-Asian restaurant in the Triangle. Offerscheap well drinks, specialty cocktail menu, sassybartenders and plenty of Chapel Hill intellectualconversation plus Lychee Martini’s.The Library120 E Franklin St(919) 968-6004The name of this bar is funny because you can tellyour parents you’re at “The Library” and you won’tbe lying. They are now hosting more and betterbands. Check out indie-rock Teusdays.Local 506506 W Franklin St(919) 942-5506Live music club that showcases local and touringrock bands. Its everything a local club should be-with pool tables, nasty bathrooms and cheapdrinks. Feels like a dive bar – but cooler. PrivateClub.Orange County Social Club108 E Main St Ste 1(919) 933-0669One of the best bars in the area. Couches, retrodinette tables, pool, cheap drinks, phenomenaljukebox, hip intellectual crowd. A Hatchet favorite.Reservoir100 A Brewer Ln(919) 933-3204An all metal and indie-rock juke box should beall you need to hear to get you down to thereservoir but there’s more – soviet propagandainspiredmurals grace the walls and good cheapdrinks bless your wallet. Plus, the bathrooms areadorable. The men’s room even has a LebowskiMan of the Year Mirror. Good Times!Speakeasy102 E Main St(919) 929-6881Pool tables, lounge seating and a huge selectionsof tap beers. Grad school crowd. Hidden behindan unmarked door below Tyler’s Tap Room – veryclever.WILMINGTONBarbary Coast116 South Front Street(910)762-8996Definitive dive bar with the nastiest bathrooms andgraffiti we’ve ever seen. Frequented by local regularsand hip drunks. Cheap beer, terribly comfortable. Agreat place to try to get cut off.Bluepost Billards15 S. Water St.(910) 343-1141Dark, cool and totally artsy especially for a pool hall.Its decorated with vintage colored glass fixtures andcool posters. Plenty of tables and some other retrogames as well. You gotta go down an alleyway tofind it.Caprice Bistro10 Market St.(910) 815-0810The second floor of this restaurant an intimateNew York–style sofa bar that specializes in Martinisand desert drinks. Hot sofas, local artwork, coolatmosphere.Firebelly Lounge264 Nutt St(910) 763-0141A great place to try to get cut – by famous indy filmstars. Popular late night and weekend bar servescheap drinks and good bar food. Pool tables andupbeat noisy atmosphere. A good time.Hell’s Kitchen118 Princess St(910) 763-4133Though this place was made “cool” by Dawson’sCreek, it truly is a great bar with a nice feel. Good barfood and cheap beer.Level Five21 N. Front Street(910) 342-0272One of the best bar views going – this fifth storyrooftop bar overlooks the cape fear river anddowntown Wilmington. Serves a plethora of frozenNew Orleans style hurricane drinks. Excellent oldschool bartenders. Classy.Lula’s138 S Front St.(910) 763-0070Underground bar with an old double-sided sit downPacman game! Good juke box and foosball.Le Catalan224 S. Water St.(910) 815-0200Café and wine bar named for the mediterraneanregion nestled between southeastern France andnortheastern Spain. Great patio overlooking the river.Soapbox Laundro-lounge255 N. Front St.(910) 251-8500You always heard the Laundromat was a great placeto pick up chicks. now it is – because they’re drunk.Live music, cool art on the walls, cheap beer and ofcourse Heavy Metal Bingo every Monday night – pluscoin operated laundry facilities in the back. A Hatchetfavorite.Are we Missing anything?E-mail us atinfo@raleighhatchet.comand tell us about yourfavorite bars that are missingfrom this list.14bars, bars, bars

Ackland Art MuseumColumbia St. UNC Campus,Chapel Hill 966.5736April and George414 Glenwood Avenue, Raleigh828-9082Artspace201 E. Davie St., Raleigh821.2787Basement Studios300 Glenwood, Ave RaleighBickett Gallery209 Bickett Blvd., Raleigh836.5358Bleeker St Studios406 E. Main St., Carrboro, 968-3433CAM409 West Martin St., Raleigh836-0088Chapel Hill Museum523 East Franklin St. , ChapelHill967-1400Craven Allen Gallery1106 Broad St., Durham 286-4837Design Box315 S. Bloodworth St., Raleigh834-3552Duke University Museum of ArtDuke Univ. East Campus,Durham 684-5135gallery listDurham Arts Council120 Morris St., Durham 560-2787Firefly605 Glenwood Ave. , Raleigh821-4536Gallery 1818 E Salisbury St. Pittsboro545-9255Gallery C3532 Wade Ave. , Raleigh 828-3165Glance Galleries311 W Martin St., Raleigh821-2200Greenhouse Studios1 Ashe Ave., Raleigh 836-8573Jill Flink Fine Art1500 Clark Ave., Raleigh821-7172Kirk Adam Gallery107 W Hargett St., Raleigh601-3131Lee Hansley Gallery225 Glenwood Ave., Raleigh828-7557Litmus312 W. Cabarrus St., Raleigh828-5559Local Color22 Glenwood Ave. South,Raleigh 851-0443Lump505 South Blount St., Raleigh821-9999NC Museum of Art2110 Blue Ridge Rd., Raleigh839-6262,NCCU Art MuseumLawson St., NCCU Campus,Durham, 530-6211NCSU Gallery of Art & DesignTalley Center, NCSU Campus,Raleigh 515-3503Raleigh Contemporary Gallery323 Blake St., Raleigh 828-6500Rebus Works301-2 Kinsey St., Raleigh754-8452Series One Studios102 W. Main St., Carrboro 969-8059Sizl405 East Main St. , Carrboro960-0098Tatoo Devil Studios1215 Hillsborough ST Raleigh,NC 919) 834-8055The Tire Shop428 South McDowell St.,Raleigh 829-1577Tyndall Gallery201 S. Estes Dr., Chapel Hill942-2290Visual Art Exchange325 Blake St., Raleigh 828-7834Where is your Gallery?To have your gallery listed here emailinfo@raleighhatchet.com and include“Hatchet gallery list” in the subjectheading.15

eptemberpeningsirst Friday September 2el Andrewspril and George Wine Bar and Galleryhrough September 30arriott Littlehere’s Something About Redrtspacepfront Galleryeptember 2 - October 1, 2005ed is the most symbolic of all colors. Itmparts more emotional sensations thanny other hue. The tension, tactility, andurbulence in these paintings perhapsill inspire some of the same in theiewer.manda Michelettoegional Emerging Artist Residencyxhibitionrtspaceobbyag Lunch Art Talkednesday, September 28, 12:30pm,ducation Roomhrough October 2n exhibition of visual art and fiber frommanda Micheletto who spent the lasteven months working in Studio 106s part of the Regional Emerging Artistesidency program. She incorporatesbjects such as hair, toothpicks, skewersnd matches, into weavings that are bothesthetically pleasing and interestingnvestigations of our shared humannvironment.ew Workulia Elsasranch Gallery, Carrboroolor Meets Lineeter Milneesignboxhrough Sept. 30thsing acrylics and charcoal, Peter Milnearves out architectural space to giveome to wonderfully playful figures. Inis own words: “Reality has to be chewedver and spit out pleasantly.” A longimefurniture designer in central Northarolina, Milne cherishes craftsmanshipithout worrying about labels likebstract or realistic.ake That Backndrew Bellootini Galleryhrough September 30riginal art, books, tees and toys fromcclaimed Nickelodeon and Marvelllustrator Andrew Bell. For almost 3traight years, he has been drawingmonster-a-day at his illustrationroject website called “Creatures in Myead” which is the inspiration for hisimited vinyl figures. This stuff is cool, yeronna wanna see it.eptember 11att Sesowarrots and Sticks: bunnies and bullies16artmonth of artthrough November 12.Reception Sunday, September 11,2-5pmThis is a super creepy and reallyawesome exhibit of oil paintings from aself-taught painter who, despite havinghis work extensively shown and writtenabout, has little interest in becoming partof the art network. Sesow’s paintingshave been called “Crude!” “Unfinished!”“Aberrant!” – and Brutarian Magazinesays, “the boulevardier may jeer, but itmay well be that Matt’s approach resultsin a creative range beyond the normalcompass of our responses . . .Perhapsnot, nevertheless, Mr. Sesow has createda fascinating body of work “ A must seeshow.September 15 thMary Haggerty and Lisa CookDurham Arts CouncilAllenton and Semans GalleriesThough October 23 rdHaggerty’s super real black and whitenarrative photographs document smalltown America while Cook works withclassically realistic oil paintings.September 30 thCary Art LoopDowntown CaryOkay, it’s family friendly art, but it’salso Cary, so that’s what we’d expect.Nonetheless this monthly exhibitionof the Triangles Arts & Culture in localbusinesses will be bring welcome bitlaunch date will be special becauseCary Visual Art will be having their 2ndAnnual Sculpture Crawl.OngoingMeagan Chaney and Megan MarshallEmerging ArtistsGlance GalleryThrough September 14th.Chaney specializes in fused glass andInsanity by Matt Sesow is part of the Carrots and Sticks: Bunnies andBullies show at Rebus WorksSee work from Andrew Bell’s Creatures in My Head series atWootini Gallery in Carrborosculpture— combining brightly coloredglass creations with wire and metal, hertiny masterpieces-as well as the faint,colored reflections they cast-reveal bothdepth and movement. Marshall producesdelicate mixed media and encausticpieces that immediately draw the eyeto her sense of line and composition.She often uses recurring symbols andeveryday objects both within a singlepiece and throughout her body of work.These are two of the most talentedemerging artists in the triangle.Window to the HumanitiesLightscapesVarious ArtistsAckland Museum of Art, UNC CampusThe Science and Art of Lighting theLandscapeThrough November 27Paintings and installations exploring theways light in nature follows physical laws.Very cool, and of course, educational.Digitals Ex VotosTom ChambersArtspace / Gallery 2through October 27 thDigital photomontages of children andanimals that create surrealist landscapes.Megan Chaney and Megan MarshalGlance GalleryAthrough September 15 thChancey creates fused glass andsculpture, while Marshall has 2-d worksof mixed media and encaustic.Three Sides To A Sheet of PaperGroup ShowAckland Museum of ArtThrough November 13andTradition and BeyondBillie Ruth SudduthAsheville Museum of ArtThrough October 30 thNamed North Carolina Living Treasurein 1997 this Western NC basket makerhas based a weaving technique on theNature Sequence, also called FibonacciNumbers.See if you can figure the sequence out:It goes 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144... This sequence evidentially gives aninfinite number of patterns to designfrom. These baskets as well as others areon display.The Sights of WarGroup ShowThe Light Factory (Charlotte, NC)through October 13 thRecent global conflicts explored fromthe perspective of 9 artists throughphotography and video installation,including Bill Viola.Portraits from the Golden Age of jazzGroup ShowNorth Carolina Central UniversityMuseum of Artthrough October 10 thWar In Shadows in LightChris HondrosNorth Carolina State UniversityGallery of Art and Designthrough October 6 thHondros is a world famousphotojournalist who was nominatedfor a Pulitzer Prize for his coverageof the Liberian Civil War. Now he isdocumenting the ongoing war inIraq. This exhibit showcases his recentefforts—see Hondros’ feature in theSeptember issue for more details andimages from the show.Homegrown: SoutheastGroup ShowSoutheastern Center ForContemporary ArtThrough September 30 thFeaturing work by Raleigh’s own TeamLump!Around About AbstractionIngrid Calame, Andrew Masullo,Yunshe Min, Carrie Moyer, DavidMoffet and Tam Van TranWeatherspoon Museum of ArtThrough October 2 ndExplores different forms of this variedgenre of painting.

hursday 1at’s Cradle Who’s Badocal 506 Bowman w/ Mike Borgia, Hot Vegas,he Starrsriday 2at’s Cradle DeMilo With Arms w/ The Neversincoln Theatre Bloodwritten w/ Mortufairy,reatures Of Habitortufairy, I am proud to announce that you arehe recipient of this month’s best/worst bandame award. Congratulations. You can pick upour award at Flex!ocal 506 Ephemeral Sun w/ Farpoint, Nationalolographicpen Eye Café Rebecca Loebeetlands Koufax w/ Fashion Designvertly political bands tend to weigh prettyeavily after a few songs, but Koufax’s Hard Timesre In Fashion is subtle enough to stave off theensation of having a zealot screaming in yourar with a bullhorn. The album sways from gentleop to edgy dance/rock with the sort of easehat should provide for a great show.aturday 3at’s Cradle The Urban Sophisticatesings Raleigh Rumble - all day motorcycle & rockhow. 11 am til 2 am. Cycles in parking lot, rockn stage. Bands start at 6 and include: morbidamblers, skull buckle, the know, the trousers,lectric sunshine, chrome-plated apostlesincoln Theatre Chatham County Line w/ Micarrisonocal 506 Indie Rock Karaoke, Smoke Or Firepen Eye Café Jenelleunday 4ings Neu Romance w/ Rhythm Childhythm Child is one undeniable force in thelubs these days. The trio’slend of soul funk stylings delivered with a laidack demeanor insure thathis Sunday will be in the name of steppin. I’veeard them segue “Hypnotize” by Biggie Smallsnto “Just like Heaven” by the Cure. No Joke.onday 5ings Family Guy Nightocal 506 American Aquarium w/ Sweatereatherightlight Davenport w/ Skatersuesday 6ings Movie Night: The Hidden Fortresscknowledged as a primary influence on Georgeucas’ Star Wars,he Hidden Fortress delivers Akira Kurosawa’snimitably deft blend of wry humor,reathtaking action and humanist compassionn an epic scale.ocal 506 Dallas Wayneightlight Dynamite Club w/ In The Year Of Theig, Rockets & Mortarednesday 7arolina Theatre Aminafter playing on the last two Sigur Ros albumsAgaetis Byrjun and their untitled album),he Album Leaf record “In a Safe Place” andhe Efterklang album “Tripper”, the womenf Amina have created some beautiful andmonth of musicLocal 506 hosts Four Tet onSaturday, September 17 thBarbez gets weird at the WetlandsMonday, September 12 thShooter Jennings appears at theLincoln Theater September 16thengaging music of their own. Their new ep,titled AminaminA, released on the new Worker’sInstitute label allows the world to get a taste ofwhat has been brewing in their heads over thelast few years.Open Eye Café Chris WimberleyThursday 8Cat’s Cradle Boxbomb w/ House Of FoolsKings Hatchetfest opening night w/ Patty HurstShifter, Scott Biram & Hearts and Daggers – seethe centerfold in this issue for more info.Local 506 Akron/Family w/ The Prayers & TearsOf Arthur Digby Sellers, Kapow! MusicFriday 9Cat’s Cradle Spencer Acuff w/ Pico vs. IslandTrees, Billy SugarfixKings Hatchetfest with Strange, Pyramid,Dynamite Brothers, Circle, UrdogLincoln Theatre Prepetual GrooveLocal 506 Totimoshi w/ CaltropNightlight AutocadeOpen Eye Café Jesse PayneWetlands WXYC’s Annual Early 80’s DanceSaturday 10Cat’s Cradle No Depression 10 Year Anniversarywith Two Dollar Pistols w/ Tres Chicas, ChrisStamey, Sally SpringKings Hatchetfest featuring A Rooster For TheMasses, Flying Fatal Guillotines, Esquimaux,Awesome New RepublicLocal 506 Angie AparoNightlight Virgo B-day/Noise Violation PartyWetlands Mowing Lawns w/ Cantwell, Gomez &Jordan, Dc NahmSunday 11Cat’s Cradle Between The Buried And Me w/Giant, Red Orchestra RadioKings Second Sunday Documentary Series (4-9)and Neu Romance (9-2)FIGHT BIG MEDIA presents the first event in theirSecond Sunday Series,a program of monthly documentary films thatreveal mass media’s distortion and eliminationof real news and facts to serve the interests ofthe government and wealthy powerful minorityin this country, at the expense of the public theyare meant to serve, going against the needs andeven the expressed interests of ordinary people.Lincoln Theatre One Way Glass w/ Playin Jo Jo,Ragged GloryLocal 506 The Life & Times w/ Octopus ProjectNightlight Jascha Ephraim w/ YayhoorayWetlands Hockey Night w/ The BalanceMonday 12Local 506 Rick Monroe w/ Taylor HollingsworthNightlight Trivia NightWetlands Killer Filler w/ Barbez, Jaguaro & DJTurbanatorNY’s Barbez are a self described mix of passion,weirdness and a hauntingSlavic voice, soaring theremin, uncanny palmpilot, and killer marimba,vibes, guitar, bass, drums. To me, they sound likesomething Michael Giraand the Young God heads would drool over.music17

Tuesday 13Cat’s Cradle Shannon O Connor w/ New TownDrunksKings Last Vegas w/ Thunderlip, The Swayback(also Endless Grind Skate Videos)Local 506 Will HogeNightlight The CassettesWetlands Rockets & Mortar w/ Valina, MonsoniaWednesday 14Cat’s Cradle Juliana Theory w/ Lovedrug,Daysaway, The GoodwillLincoln Theatre Jump Little ChildrenAfter slowly gaining a fan base in the areaand releasing a truly great pop album (1998’sMagazine), these guys fell into the vanity labelabyss (thanks, Hootie), and by the time 2001’ssubpar Vertigo made it out of the quagmire,the glass ceiling was firmly in place. So they’repacking up and leaving and dropping by to saygoodbye in what’s sure to be an entertainingfashion.Local 506 Peelander Zee w/ Art Lord & His SelfPortraits, Bang! Bang!Nightlight Tad Driels w/ Shwa, Taylor DavisThursday 15Cat’s Cradle Mike Doughty’s Band w/ ChrisGloverKings Midnight Sun w/ Brite BoyLincoln Theatre CapletonLocal 506 Modern Life: UK Indie Dance Night w/AircraftFriday 16Cat’s Cradle Carbon LeafConfessor w/ Alabama Thunderpussy, SoulPreacherKings Zippo Tour w/ Untold, Angle Of IncidenceLincoln Theatre Shooter Jennings w/ Bone PonyYes, he’s Waylon’s son. Yes, he’s in the outlaw veinas well. I seriously doubt he’s interested in talkingabout Johnny Knoxville, Jessica Simpson, or theGeneral Lee, but you may be able to get him totalk about dating Adriana (Drea De Matteo) fromThe Sopranos if you’re lucky.Local 506 Pleasant w/ The Sames, NorthElementaryNightlight Winning Looks w/ Des Ark,Robosapien, Rachel Lee WalshOpen Eye Café Stephan Herman DuoSaturday 17Cat’s Cradle Billy PriceKings Maple Stave w/ KolymaLincoln Theatre Confessor w/ AlabamaThunderpussy, Soul PreacherLocal 506 Four Tet w/ Koushik, CyneBig, loud, beats. Four Tet is a rather engaging liveact for IDM’ers. Bruce Springsteen even had atrack of theirs playing over the PA after his recentsolo shows.Nightlight U.S. Banshee w/ Baskettree, Deertick18Sunday 18Cat’s Cradle Rasputina w/ Tarantula A.D.Goth chicks playing weird chamber metal withcellos. Go to see them if you’re interested inwhat those dark chicks we adored in high schoolmight be like now if they actually let the nighteat them.Kings DeerhoofOver the past two years Deerhoof has beenmaking up for lost time by not coming to the

Triangle on their earlier tours. Theybring their Zombies meets DNAact around for the third time in twoyears and they should be thanked.Lincoln Theatre Queen Of TheTriangleLocal 506 Nebula w/ Honky,LeadfootSome call it stoner rock...Nebulathat is. Honky features Jeff Pinkusfrom The Butthole Surfers andanything with an ex-ButtholeSurfer has yet to be as good as theButthole Surfers (in their early yearsat least).Nightlight Open MicOpen Eye Café John GillespieMonday 19Cat’s Cradle Doves w/ LongwaveLocal 506 The MakersTuesday 20Cat’s Cradle DungenLincoln Theatre David Ryan Harrisw/ Sam ThackerLocal 506 The Human Marvels w/The Torch Marauder, Clang QuartetWednesday 21Cat’s Cradle Peter Rowane w/ TonyRiceLocal 506 Mary GauthierThursday 22Cat’s Cradle Bob Mould w/MagnapopThat’s right, Bob Mould with a band,a loud rock band (Brednan Canty ofFugazi on drums in fact) and he’llbe playing some Husker Du stuff(emphasis on SOME). Magnapopdid the power pop thing in thefirst half of the ‘90’s and it probablyhasn’t changed much.Kings Bang Bang w/ Black Socks,The MenLincoln Theatre Sister Hazel w/ AriHest, Drew CopelandFriday 23Cat’s Cradle Jump Little Childrenw/ Jim BoggiaKings The Heavenly States w/GonerLincoln Theatre Sleeping BootyOpen Eye Café Don DeleumontSaturday 24Lincoln Theatre Nathan Asher &The InfantryLocal 506 Dexter Romweber & TheNew Romans w/ Hot Young PriestOpen Eye Café Jon Murphy &Lauren LapointeWetlands The Urban Sophisticatesw/ Boxbomb, KerblokiSunday 25Cat’s Cradle Sufjan Stevens w/ LizJanesA few years ago Stevens claimedhe was going to release an albumnamed after each state...he still hasa long ways to go to cover all 50. Heprobably hasn’t even covered all 50states while touring with his brandof indie folk, hopefully NC will be apositivespark for his muse.Local 506 The Posies w/ Oranger,Deathray DaviesOpen Eye Café Carrboro MusicFestivalMonday 26Cat’s Cradle Death By Stereo w/H2oLocal 506 Diamond NightsTuesday 27Cat’s Cradle Blue Rodeo w/ TheDamnwellsKings A/V Movie Geeks Night“Strings Attached”What better way to teach us thefundamentals than with creepymarionettes. Films about everydaythings as explained by puppets!Nightlight Found Magazine NightWednesday 28Cat’s Cradle Minus The Bear w/These Arms Are Snakes, CriteriaNightlight Hive Mind w/ LausaRaelon, CornucopiaThursday 29Cat’s Cradle Virginia CoalitionLincoln Theatre SizzlaLocal 506 Wolf Eyes w/ Prurient,The Whole World LaughingWolf Eyes are kind of popular, for aduo that makes such an abrasiveracket at least. Whole WorldLaughing combines two of thebetter drummers in the Piedmontand Triangle areas, Scotty Irvingand David Cantwell respectively.Cantwell plays bass (a Steinbrennerfor god’s sake) and Irving handlesthe drums.Friday 30Cat’s Cradle The Walkmen w/Mazarin, RockwellThe Walkmen played one of thebest shows I have seen in a whilelast year at Go Studios in supportof their excellent sophomore effortBows And Arrows. No word on a newrecord yet, but they are certainlyworth going to see.Lincoln Theatre Slippery WhenWet (BJ Tribute) w/ Wannabeezer(weezer)Who doesn’t want to see a Jovitribute band playing all the classicsfrom the late 80’s? Hopefully, aftera few years the singer will go onto be in shitty tribute movies andtribute battery commercials.Open Eye Café Seth Boulton &Nicolette Emanuellemusic19

Diamond NightsPopsicleKemado Records“Destination Diamonds”, the opening trackof Diamond Nights’ debut LP, should havebeen the rock and roll hit of this summer.Of course, it wasn’t, and the pasty indierock minions that rarely venture outside oftheir Pitchfork.com niche probably won’tbe rocking out to this any time in the nearfuture, either. Bands like The Darknessand local heroes Bandway can get awaywith their inflated machismo and low-renttheatrics because they make it abundantlyclear that they have their tongues plantedfirmly in their respective cheeks. DiamondNights blur this line, and in turn, are probablygoing to ostracize some listeners. Theaforementioned album opener is a gallopingromp that sounds like The Fucking Champscovering 38 Special and from there, thealbum speeds on just as restlessly: “SaturdayFantastic” is some bastard meeting betweenThe Cars and Eddie Money, “Drip Drip” hasBrian May written all over it, “It’s A Shokka”flaunts an undeniable British Steel fetish,and so on. It can be a lot to digest, and thetransitory nature of Popsicle doesn’t make itany easier. Maybe spandex cat suits wouldhelp? An affected falsetto? Maybe if theywere British? Songs about V.D.? You seewhere I ’m going. As hard as it may be toaccept that a band of normal looking guysunabashedly cites all of those bands, atleast in their songs, as prominent influences,you can rest assured that there aren’t anygimmicks here. Popsicle, as mercurial as itis, succeeds in being a genuine rock androll record and a breath of fresh, or at leastrecycled, air in a world overwrought withturgid, whiny Englishmen. - LoweDavid FridlundAmaterasuHidden AgendaThough it’s true he hails from the nationthat unleashed ABBA, David Fridlund isby no means a pop tart. He is, in essence,Sweden’s own Connor Oberst, a veritableindie beast unabashed in his emulation(and evisceration) of the hyper-earnest (anddecadently American) white boy shtick. Aftersuccessfully fronting David & the Citizens fornearly 6 years, Fridlund goes it alone with therelease of Amaterasu, a 14 track LP namedmysteriously - and perhaps caustically - aftera Shinto sun goddess.Fridlund’s embrace and subsequentcommodification of such a complicatedfigure in Japanese mythology is almostoffensive in relation to the cacophonousape that I hesitate in even calling a solo20music“effort”. Amaterasu plays like prep-schoolcabaret, often angling for substantive stylebut never really delivering the proverbialgoods. On most tracks Fridlund barelymusters the goofy likeness of Ben Fold’spersona non grata, his generic, sexlesswhine straining over a deathless set ofexaggerated arrangements. The two mostdefiant tracks, “Before It Breaks” and “ThePast Floats Like Stones”, are perhaps thealbum’s only rewards. “Before It Breaks”marks Amaterasu’s tired climax, a knowingblend of piano, violin and cello that recallscontemporaries Aqualung and Doveman;it proves there’s more to David Fridlundthan conspicuous imitation, however littleit may be. The album’s last track, “The PastFloats Like Stones” coordinates saxophoneand percussion into a brilliant send-off, withFridlund claiming triumphantly to be “out oforder”. Without his Citizens, unfortunately,that’s all he stands to be. I hope for his sakehe realizes it. - PilkingtonNeal MedlynThe Buttoned Down Mind Of Neal MedlynSelf ReleasedCheck out nealmedlyn.com and you can seeNeal Medlyn show his ass. He’s a past winnerof Mr. Lower East Side in his city of NYC. Hislive shows are a one-man goof fest with lotsof running around, costume changes, andso forth. His disc contains casio beats, homerecorded versions of his “orignal songs”which cover topics such as “Deez Nuts” andtalking along with a tape of the TV show“Days of Our Lives”, solaugh a little. - RawlsBob MouldBody of SongYep RocAfter taking quite a few diversions fromhis power pop notoriety in recent yearssuch as writing wrestling scripts for WCW(nothing wrong with that) and a making anelectronica ablum in 2002 called Modulate,Bob Mould sounds rejeuvinated on Bodyof Song. For starters, he has been living inWashington, DC and making the most of it:for starters he has Fugazi drummer BrendanCanty, one of the best there was, is, or everwill be keeping the pace. Plus, the man whoengineered those great Fugazi albums, DonZientara did the same reputable job on Bodyof Song at his Arlington, VA Inner Ear Studio.“Days of Rain” harkens back to his solo workof the late ‘80’s, “Best Thing” has a guitar tonestraight out of New Day Rising, and a fewSugar-like tracks such as “Missing You” makean appearance, hoisting this album into theupper echelon of Mould’s extensive bodyof work. (For more on Mould, refer to ourinterview in this issue.) - RawlsPortastaticBright IdeasMergeOver the past three years it has becomeincreasingly more pragmatic to refer to MacMcCaughan as the guy from Portastatic,not the guy from Superchunk. As great asSuperchunk’s two recent sets at Cat’s Cradle(one opening for Dinosaur Jr, theother headlining) were, the Chunk hasearned a right to chill for a while. So “Mac,the guy from Portastatic”, or “Mac, the guywho gets good seats at the Springsteenshows because he knows the owner of theBackstreets zine” (either one will suffice),continually proves why he is a music lifer.There are lifers like Lemmy Kilminster(remember Superchunk has covered “I’ll BeYour Sister”) and Ronnie James Dio who dothe same thing over and over and they dothat one thing better than anyone. And theydo it under the same respective moniker.Then you have a lifer like McCaughan,maintaining dual bands, and a stellar recordlabel, who beat cynics tothe punch by having Superchunk songspublished under “All the Songs Sound theSame”. He also makes it seem like he neversleeps. Gradually building a greatmusical discography re: Portastatic, outof what seemed like incidental home

ecordings. If you bothered to read this farinto the review, then you probably knowenough of McCaughan’s history of qualitymusical output over the past twenty years ...that’s right, it’s damn close to twenty yearssince Slushpuppies were unleashed. On it’slatest release, Bright Ideas (Conner Oberstknows about it, he even wrote a review forit), Portastatic recorded the entire album ina proper studio for the first time and with amore concise line-up. Mac’s younger brotherMatthew is on drums and Superchunkguitarist Jim Wilbur is on bass, and togetherthey make for a powerful trio to be sure.The vibe of the 2003 song “Autumn GotDark” seems to continue on “Through WithPeople” and “I Wanna Know Girls”. There is alsoa strong undercurrent of American MusicClub. Recorded in that band’s hometown ofSan Francisco, with that band’s drummer TimMooney as producer, he even drums on theopening title track, which recalls AMC’s 2004release Love Songs for Patriots. Instead ofthe imagery of sharks swirling around chudon Summer of the Shark, “a black balloonimploding” lingers literally, figuratively, andeven visually on Bright Ideas. Not to say thealbum has a dour outlook. It’s balanced interms of song tempo andlyrical levity. Also not to say each songdoesn’t have it’s own strong context, butit’s hard to avoid individual lines from thesongs “Full of Stars”, “Registered Ghosts”, and“The Soft Rewind” respectively, “it’s a messyconstellation”, “I make my own scene”, and“this is us”. Through whatever develops, alifer like McCaughan is going to follow hismuse and continue to craft songs. And eventhough this Portastatic album wasn’t laiddown on a four track tape (it was hashed outin the studio of Portastatic’s touring mate inthe coming months, John Vanderslice) andI’m not listening to it on vinyl (I’m hearing iton a cd played on a computer) I’m going todo the same thing as I did after the first time Iheard a Portastatic seven inch when I flippedthe record over and played it again, I’m goingto click on the play button and listen to thisalbum again. - RawlsThe RosebudsBirds Make Good NeighborsMerge RecordsAfter hearing the title of the latestinstallment from The Rosebuds, you mightstart to worry that Ivan Howard has fallenprey to the disease that effects countlessnumbers of prolific, successful musicians. Thesymptoms span from a proclivity for wearingsunglasses indoors to dating washed upactresses to, in extreme cases, dressinglike a 19 th century conquistador. While thetitle remains up in the air as either a turgidmetaphor or a painfully earnest sentiment,one spin of Birds Make Good Neighbors willset you at ease. Literally. The enthusiasticrave-ups of Make Out, their upbeat debut,are supplanted with gentle keys, stringarrangements, and moody acoustics. Whilethe songwriting will still seem instantlyfamiliar to fans, albeit more restrained, thearrangements are much more complexwhich gives Howard carte blanche vocally,and it should come as no surprise that heis up to the task. The surprise, however, isthe auspicious debut of Kelly Crisp’s deep,breathy vocals providing a tremendousbalance to Howard’s lofty delivery, asevidenced on the western-tinged “Leaves DoFall”. This dynamic is employed again on theanthemic “Shake Our Tree”, and to such greateffect that the two tracks featuring Crisp onvocals become immediate standouts. That’snot to say that there is anything here thatqualifies as filler. “The Lovers Rights” definitelyfinds Howard indulging in a Morrisseycadence and the sublime “4 Track Love Song”is, well, exactly what is says it is, a lo-fi paeandisguised as a dirge. Birds is a great followupalbum, and knowing the work ethic ofThe Rosebuds, it will probably only be a fewmonths before they come back with more.– LoweSufjan StevensIllinoisAsthmatic Kitty RecordsNot since the Flaming Lips’ four-discs-playedin-unisonexperimental Zaireeka, has an artistattempted such a wildly ambitious conceptas Sufjan Stevens’ “50 states” project. Theomni-talented Stevens returns to the task ofpainting historically accurate portraits of ourcountry’s regions by visiting lush and eclecticPrairie State, Illinois. Despite ridiculouslywordy titles like “A Short Reprise for MaryTodd, Who Went Insane, but for Very GoodReasons,” the songs remain painstakinglysincere. Stevens employs dozens ofmusic

Spookie Daly PrideMedicine ChestFunzaloUpon immediate review, one might thinkthat Spookie Daly Pride is a Japaneseband. “Spookie Daly Pride” has the distinctcombination of non-matching, misspelledwords and confident salesmanship found allover Japanese products. I myself wonderedwhether SDP ever toured with or even sharedmembers with Japanese rockers King FuckerChicken. But after a mean time of looking, Iam, it is said, not in right. Turns out, the nameof the band is also that of the band’s singerand keyboardist, Spookie Daly. Not sure if hisname is really Spookie Daly, if he’s related tothe mom from Judging Amy or if it’s someweird reworking of the letters in his namelike Jim Morrison’s Mr. Mojo Risin. Could hisreal name actually be A. Dikey Pools?Anyway, seeing that the rest of the band(Pete Witham – Guitar, Vox; Floyd Kellogg– Bass, etc; Tommy Diehl, Drums, etc.) have atleast kind of Western names, It’s pretty clearSDP isn’t Japanese. So they’re an Americanband with a weird name.Ooh!The cover of Medicine Chest, is a picture22 musicinstruments and voices in order to createoperatic tales of the state’s particular people,places and philosophies. Any comparisons tocurrent pop music fail, as the album’s essencelie closer to a Ken Burns’s miniseries or JamesMichener novel, or more accurately, a schoolplay by Mrs. Krabappel’s fifth grade class. Infact, the sweet picture book quality artworkand liberal use of the xylophone create afeeling of bewilderment and wonder I haven’tknow since I started shaving. (Just where isPeoria anyway?) It’s not everyday someonerips off the Nick Drake style of whispersinging,only to gently coo about AbrahamLincoln or poet Carl Sandburg. I was stunnedby Stevens’s ability to translate the story ofa monstrous child killer (“John Wayne GacyJr.”) into the language of a tender bedtimestory, before admitting that, “and in mybest behavior, I am really just like him. Lookbeneath my floorboards, for the secrets I havehid.” On the polyphonic spree of “The Manof Metropolis Steals Our Hearts” he speaks ofSuperman’s true power, the power to inspirethe everyday person to find connection.(Although I still to think the songs really aboutChicago’s original hero, Michael Jordan.)Illinois packs in more useless information in 72minutes than an AAA guidebook of the state,but with the magic of hope and emotion.In retrospect, I still wonder why an artist asgifted as Stevens chooses to voluntarily limithis expression by such process. But I still pray,if he continues, to select North Carolina as hismuse. I can hear the lyrics now. “Noble indiejudge by the coverof a medicine chest. Nice. But the medicinechest in question is full of all sorts ofoverused, neglected bottles and cans andtubes all with familiar looking tags. ButSpookie and company are very, very cleverboys. When you look a little closer, the bandaidtin actually says the PERSONAL ad SONG?And what’s this? The pepto bottle actuallysays TIE DYED TAN? What? Oh wait… theVaseline bottle says (get this) THE BUMPIN’UGLIES SONG!!!HAHAHAHAHA!Get it? Bumpin uglies = Sex = Vaseline!rockers down at the Wolf Mart, open yourhoodies and reveal your heart, The truth islove why can’t you see, it’s not Superchunk ortobacco settlements or the ACC.” -WolfXBXRXSixth in SixesPolyvinyl RecordsI put on the new XBXRX record while I wasdriving around lost this weekend. I had only aslight inkling of who they are, through hearingtheir single “We Hate The President” (on theexcellent Narnack label) and from someThurston Moore appointed name dropping.I was sitting there thinking, “Where the fuckam I?” when “Beat Rolls On” came poundingthrough my speakers, pummeling me into afucking mess. This band is a hardcore bandin sheep’s clothing. In this case, it’s electronicblast-beats and melodic interludes thatdisguise some insane screaming and some offtempo drums, not to mention a guitar sounddesigned to start riots. Other notable songsare “Deceivers”, “Voice” and “Pigs Wear Blue”. Igot out of hardcore music because I couldn’tdistinguish who did what song b/c anyonecan play it hard and fast. It’s hard to tell theones who mean it. I think XBXRX do. Anyonewho needs a cross reference might go fora Agoraphobic Noisebleed/Magic Markerssort of angle, but fuck that. If you’re gonnasubscribe to a magazine or get something offQVC, just get this record instead. Trust me, itwill crush you. – DillonGenius.Oh yeah, and these just happen to betitles of songs on the CD.With other song titles like “My FancyPants” and “Smacktalkin’ SmacktalkerSmacked for Talkin’ Smack” I bet we’re gonna’have a wild bunch of wacky rave-ups witha little jive thrown in, ala Jon Spencer or theReverend Horton Heat.Bring on the winks and riffage, Spookie!The ActualityMedicine Chest begs the question, “Whywould a truly talented band want to befronted by the love child of Tom Jones and Dr.John?” Granted, Mr. Jones and Mr. Dr. John’slast name are great in their own way, but thattype of vocal approach is really grating in thecontext of SDP’s music. It’s weird, becausethe music isn’t bad. Keyboard driven, kindof funky pop, with nice rhythm and pleasanthooks thrown in. But Spookie’s voice justmakes it sound weird. Like Humperdinkfronting the Lovin’ Spoonful or something.But it might work for them eventually. MaybeTom Jones will hand down his pants implantto Spookie and a whole new generation ofold bats will have someone to throw theirbloomers at.

INTERVIEWAXE THE BANDInterview with Bob MouldBy Cy RawlsThanks to labels likeSanctuary, Merge, Sugar Hill,and Yep Roc, who are alleither based in and or haveoffices in the Triangle area, arather impressive list of wellregarded artists have workreleased by those labelsand therefore have to comehere on tour (usually)...anddammit, they have to like it.The very affable Bob Mould—who made a name for himselfas one third of Husker Du inthe ‘80’s recently releasedhis album Body of Song on Yep Roc.During his days in the aforementionedHusker Du, Mould was synonymouswith the highly revered Minneapolisscene. Since then he’s lived in quite afew other places and released a healthyoutput of music under a solo monikerand of course with his other trio Sugar inthe early ‘90’s. About three years ago hedecided to call Washington, DC home, forno particular reason he claims. “I had nofriendsthere, I do now however. It’s a nice city, Ilive near quite a few clubs”. Almost closeenough to the Black Cat to hear theirgregarious security guy yell his frequentcall, “BLACK CAT, BLACK CAT!”Brendan Canty, most known as thesublime drummer for Fugazi, and who asof late has been producing the Burn ToShine series for the Trixie DVD company(http://www.trixiedvd.com/), introducedMould to various people and places in theDistrict, and became the drummer for hisband. Mould adds, “Brendan introducedme to a lot of friends and now we’regoing to be stuck in a car together fortwo months on tour. His participationon the record started as playing to prerecordedtracks. And he of course knewDon Zientara (engineer and producer forFugazi albums) so that lead to me havingDon engineer my album.”On the upcoming tour, the NorthAmerican leg begins at Cat’s Cradle inCarrboro on September 22, Mould and hisband will be performing songs spanninghis career with Husker Du, Sugar and as asolo artist. Some songs will be performedfor the first time in a full band context.“I think these guys in the band are intoplaying the old songs and the time seemsright, it’ll be fun.” But don’t look too farinto that quote for any sign of a reunion,as Mould states, “DEFINITELY not HuskerDu and probably not Sugar. For me it’sgood to keep moving forward fromthat. I heard the Dinosaur Jr reunion isnot bad, I haven’t had a chance to seeit. The Pixies...I’m sure they’re making aton of money, which is great for them. Ithink everybody should do what they’recomfortable doing. I’m comfortable notgoing back into that.”One interesting role Mould feltcomfortable with for a while wasbeing a writer for World ChampionshipWrestling. From September 1999 untilApril 2000 (prior to WCW buy-out by VinceMcMahon’s WWF-now WWE) Mould wasinvolved with that company’s final daysof viable sports entertainment. “I was alife long fan and had a few friends livingin Atlanta (WCW’s main office locale)involved in it. I liked it, it was hard work. Idid some production, writing, everythingexcept promo. I got out when they wanteda regime change. If someone begs me toget back in, I’d do it, but I’m not just goingto apply or anything. I still keep an eyeon it, mainly because I still have friendsinvolved with the business.”Another “business” Mould does notsee himself ever becoming involved withagain, is that of major record labels, whichhe was a part of in the late ‘80’s and intothe ‘90’s. “I don’t think major labels aregoing to be around by the next record Iput out,” he laughingly states, “I think thatbusiness is over, it’s more of an economyof appeal.” Even his approach to makingvideos, which he did a lot of over the yearshas changed. “I don’t know how muchvalue there is anymore in spending alot of money on a video fortelevision. We do get on someof the regional video shows.I’m doing a contest withApple and Quicktime wherepeople can send videos to us,but it’s not worthwhile to dothe major production filmingfor us anymore.”If you readMould’s blog (http://modulate.blogspot.com) hecomments on the recentrevelations in regards tothe payola scams, of whichhe admits was done in hisfavor while on major labels.“Everybody on majors doesit. A lot of indie bands do too.” As it standsnow, Mould is very excited about hislatest album and promoting the tour (thisinterview was conducted at 10:30am, itwas to be the first of quite a few that dayand Mould seemed more than elated).The reviews for Body of Song have beenpositive which wasn’t really the casefor his previous, more electronic album,2002’s Modulate. “I still plan on doing somematerial from that album live on this tour,”he states.One thing Mould isn’t entirely sureabout is conveying his burgeoningexercise regimen to life on the road. “We’llsee how it goes ... I’ve got to start thinkingabout that, maybe getting a trainer. InEurope the whole work-out culture isn’tthat big, they get their running in fromplaying soccer, I guess. The Americanfitness thing is kind of unique.”Mould is genuinely excited to startthe tour and meet some more people atthe Yep Roc offices, “I’m just trying to sellsome tickets for the show. Magnapop (stillproudly out of “the East Atlanta Village”) isopening. I’m curious to see what they’re upto these days. I ran into some of them sixmonths ago in DC but haven’t seen themplay in a while.” He does not come rightout and say his music has a new senseof energy, but the general feeling is thathe hasn’t been this eager about touringin a while. Fans of Mould’s oeuvre shouldundoubtebly share his enthusiasm.Bob Mould and Magnapop will appear liveat the Cat’s Cradle on September 22 nd . Visitwww.catscradle.com, www.bobmould.comand www.magnapop.com

Don’t Fear the Remix ProjectBy Eric A. WolfPhoto by Chris BushnellWhen I heard that David Eggers’ provocative,yet elitist literary magazine, The Believer, wasplanning on releasing an all-music issue,accompanied by a fulllength comp CD ofcontemporary indie musicians covering othercontemporary indie musicians, I approachedthe concept with equal parts eagerness andskepticism. So I rolled the dice and droppedmy $8.00 (o.k., my $5.60 with Barnes and NobleEmployee Discount). I managed to get throughevery article (skipping the Beck interview first),many without rereading everyparagraph a second (o.k. third)time. But not before I tore intothe tastefully designed plasticpocket on the cover, removedthe miraculously undamagedCD, and prepared to rockout while the Decemberistscovered Joanna Newson. OrSpoon tried their luck at Yo LaTengo. Oh shit! The Shins doingthe Postal Service? DevendraBanhart covering Antonyandthe Johnsons?!! The gang’sall here. But just how in thename of all things holy arethe Mountain Goats going todo justice to the Silver Jews’“Pet Politics” without comingoff as contrived, redundant orsimply as pandering? Whichfinally brings me to my point,and believe me, believers, I dohave one. (I am assuming mostreaders skipped ahead to theadvice/sex column by now.) What, exactly, isthe benefit of covering a particular song: theremake, or in today’s parlance, the remix? Ifmusic is truly about honestly expressingyourself, your original thoughts and feelingsand experiences, why dilute the message byplaying someone else’s stuff?Well, for many reasons. Maybe in order toexpose younger fans to an older song. A rebirth.Bob Dylan wrote “All Along the Watchtower”but Jimi Hendrix, Neil Young, U2 and even,(begrudgingly) Dave Matthews have takenthat song and made it their own. Or maybe toshowcase your talents. I love Stevie Wonder’s“Superstition” but you haven’t lived untilyou’ve heard the Stevie Ray Vaughn version. Orperhaps as a tool of expression. Sadly, Idiscovered many of my all-time-favorite songsby purchasing Annie Lennox’s covers album,but I still fear for people that bought MandyMoore’s last album, an artist who tried the samefeat with considerably less success. Or maybejust to fuck with people. Only Marilyn Mansoncould revisit the Eurythmic’s “Sweet Dreams”with enough anger and venom to utterlydecimate the song’s original intention withoutchanging one lyric. Trent Reznor frequently24musicremixes his own material to a stunningly drasticdegree. However, Nine Inch Nails’ versions ofJoy Division’s “Dead Souls” and Adam Ant’s“You’re So Physical” seem completely organicand necessary, while Britney’s “My Prerogative”or Jessica’s “Take My Breath Away”, do not.When Sinatra did a cover, it was a “standard”.But to Aphex Twin, it is a remix. The debateover the value of sampling may no longer bethe hot button topic it once was; yet strongopinions remain on both sides of the record.(Where would the Beastie Boys be if not forPaul’s Boutique?) Today the art of sampling andremixing is fundamental to the production ofmost house music, techno, rap and even Top40. In the realm of hip hop, sampling may notbe as prevalent as the era of Puffy, Dr. Dre orRun DMC, but folks like Kanye West are aroundto ensure no funky riff will remain forgottenfor long. Once I saw the Eels at the Cradle andthey closed their first set with Missy Elliot’s “GetYour Freak On”. It blew my mind, and suddenlyhundreds of otherwise stoic hipsters began toshake that ass with reckless abandon. Raleigh’sThe Remix Project approach their music withthe same spirit of lighthearted sarcasm andcarefree tribute. Their knack for selecting fresh,inspired version of popular dance music revealsa level of intelligence and depth not often seenwith cover bands. In fact, the instrumental,free-flowing sound, in combination with a moreclub-friendly house beat adds enough dramaand mystery to evoke more Curtis Mayfield thanJay-Z. According to drummer Stephen Levitinthe idea is to keep things simple. “We are a livemixtape band, that plays like a DJ would, mixingin different songs and genres,” says Levitin.Levitin’s work as DJ and producer, the AppleJuice Kid, may have helped the collective fosterthe seamless transitions between songs thatare more closely associated to club music thanlive band. “We are just trying to make peopledance, and have fun. It is fun to mess withpopular hip hop and dance songs, and do themlive, which were usually done electronically,”he says. Contrary to all the ‘Lil Jons and G Unitsworking today, The Remix Project’s sound isnot entirely dependent on technology. The G4laptop does more to light the stage than tooccasionally trigger samples. Levitin, along withbassist Matt Brandau and percussionist BrevanHampden lay down an unrelenting rhythmwhile guitarist Dana Chell and Keyboardist MarkWells trade many of the melodic hooks. Despitetheir youthful looks, the guys are accomplishedmusicians. And while away from acts likeSankofa, Apple Juice Orchestra, Mosadi Music,Who’s Bad and the MightyBurners, they have found TheRemix Project as a chanceto something a bit different.“We are all doing it for fun,”Levitin explains. “People lovedit right away and we just enjoygetting together and makingmusic.” It’s not unusual to heara White Stripes song betweenone by Outkast and Ol’ DirtyBastard, or maybe some oldschool joints from A TribeCalled Quest or Black Sheep.The only requirement is abad ass beat. “A lot of times,whatever the hottest songsare at the moment, we liketo do. For this month, we aredoing Amerie’s ‘One Thing’,Ying Tang Twin’s ‘WhisperSong’ and Snoop Dogg’s ‘DropIt Like It’s Hot.’ In additionto that, we just like pickingsongs that people would notexpect or that we think are cool, like the ForeignExchange, which we are all big fans of, or aBlur song, or a Daft Punk song.” Currently TheRemix Project is enjoying a home at the stylishyet comfortable White Collar Crime, wherethey perform on the first Wednesday of everymonth. The design of the bar holds the sameelusive draw found at many chill out loungesin larger cities. In contrast, the drink prices arereasonable, no cover charge to worry about,and the bathrooms are so neat that you kind ofenjoy using them. Like the set list, the crowdat White Collar is diverse enough to remaininteresting. If you stand too close, you may findyourself in the middle of a breakdancing circle.But that’s part of the charm. “We try not to be ajam band, or to be totally a cover band,” Levitinsays, “so we do improvise, since we all have ajazz background. But we try to think like a DJas well and switch the songs up.” In essence,they are the perfect DJ: the kind that plays thatnew song you have been dying to hear, but in atotally new way.The Remix Project’s debut CD is out now. Formore information, go to www.remixproject.comor www.applejuicekid.com.

Tanning by Numbers:What The Fuck Is A Tantoo?By Jeramy LoweFor allegedly practicing heterosexuals, myfriend Josh and I have some incredibly“gay” ideas. These ideas, however, areusually grounded in our absurd senses ofhumor, as esoteric as they tend to be. Lastmonth, the article that I did on the luridtrend of metrosexuality led me to do somereexamining of sorts: DoI really need to throwaway all of my hair andskin care products,my impeccably stylishwardrobe, and all ofmy Air cds just to avoidbeing lumped in withthis with this loathsomecultural subset?Ultimately, I came tothe conclusion that Icome to far too often:“Who gives a fuck?” Thisresignation led Joshand I to concoct oneof our silliest, yet mostplausible scenariosever: Let’s take the dayoff, get spray tans, andthen make our way toBahama Breeze for fruitycocktails, and later on,make it back inside thebeltline to our regular haunts in ridiculousclothes, while doing our best to maintainthat this was indeed “just how we roll” onour days off. While, in theory, this was afunny idea, I wasn’t entirely ready for justhow serious we were, or how far we wouldgo.A friend of ours, who works at Salon 21overheard us talking about our plans, andoffered to help us get an appointment withKaren Scaglia, the official jack-of-all-tradesat the salon. I remember thinking “fuck, nowwe are really going to have to do this”, andsure enough, the next day, there I was onthe phone discussing with a professionalmy plans to spray-tan only the upper halfof my body as heavily as regulations wouldallow. I felt obliged to explain that, ideally, Iwould end up writing about the experience,and that this was completely in the interestof gonzo journalism. This hadn’t actuallyoccurred to me beforehand, but I had tojustify my telling a grown woman that “wewould like to look as stupid as humanlypossible.”With our appointment looming, Joshand I also decided that in order to achievemaximum stupidity we would need toacquire stickers in order for us to attemptto get what I am told is a “tantoo.” On theday of the appointment, we both woke uplate, and it was up to me to scramble for thestickers, so I sped toward Hillsborough St. toBuddha’s Belly. That humiliated feeling wasalready setting in as I asked the guy behindthe counter that I would like one of eachof the following stickers: a shamrock, a caton turntables, a pot leaf, a set of danglingcherries and some kind of mutant bear. Iwould have to tell Josh that they were freshout of the unicorn stickers that he had hisheart set on, and I hoped that this wouldn’truin everything, but he eventually settled onthe shamrock and I went with the pot leafand the cherries.To put it lightly, we did not look like theusual clientele of Salon 21. We probablywere mistaken by at least one of the girlsworking there for some guys who had justpulled an all-nighter at The Office Tavernand wandered in to panhandle. Thatbeing said, everyone was very nice andaccommodating as we were ushered intoseclusion and told to remove our shirts.We obliged and presented Karen with ourstickers as well as our hirsute chests. Wewere told that the active ingredient of thespray was DHA, which is the standard inany manufactured-tanning solution, thatthe spray was a derivative of sugarcane andwould in no way protect us against UV rays.Luckily, there was little risk of overexposureto the suns harmful rays at Bahama Breeze,but we did have to ask if somehow thesugar cane would absorb into Josh’s skin,but Karen assured us that the tan did notthreaten to send him into a diabetic coma.As she started on my first “coat”, Joshlooked startled and said “Hey, what’s goingon? You don’t have any hair on your back.You are totally sheen”. I told him that I hadbeen extremely luckyin that respect, givenmy lineage to nearsimiansand outwardlyknocked on wood (ifyou listen closely, youcan still hear me doingit). After about fifteenminutes things got outof hand when Josh sawthe cauldron of waxsitting in the cornerand began asking in allseriousness how muchit would cost to havehis back waxed as well.You could tell that hewas being genuineand, given that it wasrelatively inexpensive,Karen agreed and thewaxing had begun. Ihave never witnessedthis sort of thing beforeand probably never would have (hear thatknocking again?) had we not decided tostart with this whole tanning issue in thefirst place. How did our day of absurdityevolve into a benign version of Hunter S.Thompson’s drug collection in Fear AndLoathing? I started to worry a little that bythe end of the day we would have spiraledout of control and begun interviewing forwhatever all-male revues are in the area (Iswear I don’t know if there are any). Duringthe course of the waxing, a few of theother hairdressers had popped their headin the door with curiosity as to why therewould be so much manly giggling comingfrom the waxing/tanning room. Our friendElaine, who had set up our appointment,popped her head in the room as well, and,given the blithe atmosphere, had decidedthat this would be a great time for herwaxing premier. Josh agreed to his guineapig parameters, and while this ended upadding to the levity of the whole scenario,it also added to the amount of time that Iwas forced to stand around shirtless in aroom with sticky shit all over my torso, while

waiting for another coat of bronze.By the end of our day at the salon,everything was taking on a kind of circusvibe as we decided to go to Target to buythe most ridiculous clothes that we couldfind. (It should be noted that in the interestof realism, we should have gone somewheremore appropriate like Banana Republic, orUrban Outfitters, but we had both alreadyspent upwards of $60 by the time we gotto Target, and we planned on saving therest for drinks.) As we arrived at the Breeze(that’s right, the Breeze) we were the onlyAND NO ONE GIVES THEM SHIT FOR IT!Foiled by our inability to shock people,and weirded out by the fact that we werestarting to get drunk enough to occasionallyforget how utterly stupid we looked, Joshand I headed back inside the beltline foreven more drinks. We had expected tobe gawked at, perhaps even made fun of.None of this happened. If anything, we wererevered for our steadfast and superficialdedication to marijuana. What a fucking letdown! I was even told that I looked goodin a sleeveless lycra shirt, at which pointDon’t worry about it,” he said as he eyedthe milky tantoo of a pot leaf on my armand gave me a reassuring pat on the back.ones on the patio, and, more importantly,we were the only ones wearing form-fittinglycra, or for that matter, short shorts. Wewere again having problems muffling ourmanly giggling when the aging waiter thatI had actually recognized from prior visitsspotted us.“Hey, man. Can I help you guys?” heasked.“Yeah,” I came back, “is it too early for usto just sit and get drinks?”It was 4:30 P.M.“Oh,no”, he said “we’re totally laid backhere, man. Don’t worry about it,” he said ashe eyed the milky tantoo of a pot leaf on myarm and gave me a reassuring pat on theback.As fast as I could, I ordered my tokenBreeze cocktail: The Singapore Sling.Josh ordered a lite beer, and we only hadto wait a minute or so.“I recognize this fucking guy,” I said.Within minutes, I ordered a secondround.“Another Mai Tai, coming up!”“It’s actually a Singapore Sling,” I said,at which point he stared, again, at the potleaf on my arm and said “ My bad, shortterm memory, man, it’s the first to go, ” andthen winked at me as he continued, “Man,that looks like something I grew on mywindowsill in college. I know that ain’t nopalm tree.”I was startled. “Holy shit! We’ve tappedinto an entirely different demographic thanI expected!” I whispered to Josh.We giggled through about four roundsof drinks before the regular clientele rolledin and disappointed us by not giving us asecond glance. It’s true, people look as dumbas we did right then on an everyday basis;it’s just hard to accept the cold hard realitythat certain people look this way every day:I decided that I was done with my quasisociologicalexperiment and my main focuswould now be on getting hammered.Josh agreed, and over the course ofthe several hours of drinking, no one reallymade a spectacle of us at all. We went toThe Rockford, Humble Pie, and The Jackpotrespectively and nobody even bothered toridicule us, throw things at us, or so much ashurl epithets at us! We were simply left todrink in peace, with only a few people whoknew us personally asking, “What the fuck isup with you guys?”Halfheartedly, at this point, we wouldreply “Oh, man, this is just how we roll.”In the end, this only proved that Joshand I had just wasted a great deal of timeand money trying to make a spectacle ofourselves.For what it’s worth, we had a blast,failed experiments notwithstanding. ButI can’t help but think we should havegone somewhere a little less metro andsophisticated. Maybe we should have gonesomewhere like the Office Tavern or TheLittle Bar. We would have garnered attentionat one of those places, wouldn’t we?It’s hard to say, the pot leaf might havebeen our saving grace. Much like the time Iwatched some friends of mine avoid gettingthe beat down of their lives after spillingbeer on a Harley-Davidson at Bike Week inMyrtle Beach by chanting “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”over and over again until the rugged bikerwas pacified by his unrelenting patriotism. Itjust goes to show that it’s hard to be openlyridiculed in these politically correct timesof ours.And we just wanted to be made fun ofagain…you know, like it was in high school.

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Bad SportsAfter nine years of turning domestichouse-rodents into champions, the U.S.Olympic Committee has threatened tosue the Ferret Olympics—an intensecompetition held annually inEugene, Oregon. An estimated75 ferrets will vie for medalsat the Ferret Agility Trials onSunday in events includingthe tube run and the paperbag escape. Only “they arenot Olympians anymore,”organizer Melanee Ellis toldthe Associated Press lastmonth. Ellis started the FerretOlympics in 1996, the yearof the Atlanta games, as afundraiser for a local ferretshelter. The Ferret Olympicsdidn’t attract much attention untilthe local newspaper reported on it in2004, Ellis said. Within two weeksof the story, she received phone callsfrom the BBC in London, “Late Showwith David Letterman,” “The EllenDegeneres Show” and, eventually,the U.S. Olympic Committee. Ellis,44, said she could hardly believe thewoman on the phone was serious aboutthe threat of a lawsuit for unauthorizeduse of a trademark. “I was very, verydisappointed and upset about thewhole thing,” she said. U.S. OlympicCommittee spokesman Darryl Seibelsaid the committee’s legal departmenton average asks about 50 groups per yearto stop using the name Olympics. All wecan say is look out Terry Anderson, yourAss-Kicking Team is next.So you think your favoritebar is cheap…A Spokane, Washingtondive bar called Bob Apple’sComet has recently begunrequiring that its patronscheck out toilet paperto take with them to thefacilities. Citing numerousand obviously irritatinginstances of ne’er-doowellerslifting the TPfrom the can, the owner,a city councilman no less,decided that if customers wanted to actlike criminals they would be treated likethem.

Serious Karma BuildingWe don’t know who the do-gooderwas, but suffice to say your IO staffwill most certainly not be meeting himin the sweet hereafter. It was only $6,but we’d bet it was worth a lot moreto a North Carolina man who lost hisbusiness. Fire gutted Johnny Kaleel’srestaurant in downtown Clinton, in earlyJune. When it started, about three-dozenpatrons left their lunches on the table toescape the flames. One, however, sentKaleel a check to pay for the unfinishedmeal. Kaleel said he has also receivedletters and phone calls urging him to reopen.Kaleel does plan to rebuild, but isnot sure how long it will take. The fire’scause still has not been determined.Truly, no one rides for freeA Louisville, KY cabbie is being heldin custody after abducting a passengerfor the purpose of admiring her feet. Thewoman and her friend accepted a ride inMartin Phillip Jackson’s cab after anight of “clubbing.” The women noticedthe meter wasn’t running, but theythought Jackson was just giving thema deal. After the first girl was droppedoff, her companion was taken to thedriver’s residence where she was forcedher to put on knee-highs, bound andblindfolded her and then took picturesof her feet. According to police, “hekissed her feet, and he fondled her feet,but he never went above the kneecap,and as fas as she knows, he nevermasturbated or anything else.” Jacksonalso told the sufficiently creeped-outbut otherwise unharmed woman thatthere were other people in the apartmentthat were watching her, so she shouldn’ttry to escape.” Furthermore, he assuredher that he was doing this because therewere other people who had his familykidnapped and that they were makinghim detain her. But escape is exactlywhat the woman did after Jacksonunsuccessfully tried to use Pine Solto knock her out, local news stationWLKY reported. Jackson was laterarrested in an area restaurant.Look, it’s raining frogs again, will youpass the salt?This past June, strong winds broughtstorm clouds over Odzaci, 120kmnorthwest of Belgrade, but instead ofrain, tiny amphibians fell from above,witnesses said. “I saw countless frogsfall from the sky,” said Odzaci residentAleksandar Ciric. The frogs, differentfrom those usually seen in the area,survived the fall and hopped around insearch of water. Belgrade climatologistSlavisa Ignjatovic described thephenomenon as “not very unusual”. “Awind resembling a tornado can suck inanything light enough from the surfaceor shallow water. “Usually it’s just dust,but sometimes also larger objects.”Playing Violin No Longer Enough,World’s Gifted Toddler NervousSay what you will of English parentingor topography, a 2 year-old York girlnamed Elisha Smith has just scaled hernative land’s highest peak, Scafell Pike.Smith is believed to be the youngestperson ever to have scaled the 3,210foot summit. Her parents claim theyexpected to carry her up the mountain,but after feeding her chocolate biscuitsfound her all to willing to go the journeyon foot. They’ve now set their sights ona Guiness World Record and hope tohave little Elisha conquer Scotland’s4,409 foot high Ben Navis, the highestpeak in the British Isles.BarefootPressEverybody could use a little extraThe Raleigh Hatchet is looking for spectacularsalespeople with personality, energy andenthusiasm that have a passion for media andexcellent customer service skills. If you have asense of humor and a double dose of chutzpahthen we have the perfect job for you.We are looking for Ad Representatives. Thisis a good opportunity for students and punkrock parents with some time to spare. Priorsales experience unnecessary.

USELESS INFORMATIONThe Hatchet Trivia Quiz1. For every dollar you spend forproduce at the supermarket, howmuch goes to the farmer who grew theproduce:a. 5 centsb. 10 centsc. 15 centsd. 22 cents2. During the first hour after usingcocaine, does the user’s risk of heartattack increase:a. two timesb. 12 timesc. 24 timesd. 100 times3. True or False f you bury your gas bill, itwill decompose in two weeks?4. In which animated Disney film can acareful viewer spot photographic imagesof topless women?a. Fantasiab. Snow White and the SevenDwarvesc. The Rescuersd. The Little Mermaid5. In 1987 University of Illinois student,Mike Hayes, financed his college educationbya. Playing Video Pokerb. Asking a newspaper columnist tosolicit one penny donations fromhis readersc. Setting up a brothel under theguise of a sororityd. Hosting a community accesstelethon6. What is the correct moment to begintrack one of Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of theMoon so that you can watch it in sync withThe Wizzard of Oz?a. When the first MGM lion appearsb. When the first black and whiteMGM lion appearsc. When the first black and whiteMGM lion roars for the third timed. When the title of the filmappears for the first time7. Playwright George Bernard Shawchanged his play, Heartbreak House, tothis as an act of protest in response to thetheater owner’s disapproval of his anti-warstance:a. Free Beerb. Closed for Remodelingc. Closed for the Seasond. Pygmalion8. What is the Freshman 15?a. A Christian Rap Bandb. The number of times theaverage college freshman willchange his majorc. The estimated number of sexualpartners a college freshman willhaved. The average amount of weightgained by most collegefreshmen9. True or false: Bruce McGill, whoportrayed D-Day in Animal house couldreally play the William Tell Overture on histhroat.10. NCSU alumnus Marshall Brain is thefounder ofa. MENSAb. Ask Geevesc. How Stuff Worksd. The “For Dummies” series of selfhelpbooks

Dear Claire,I am moving to NYC in two weeks but,through serendipity, I met this wonderfulwoman in Raleigh. We’ve spent every daytogether for the past week and can’t getenough of each other. My question is this, arewe delusional? This is not a fling or casualrelationship- we have realized that we’rereally into each other.How is this relationship going to go forward?(unsigned)Dear ----,This IS a conundrum, however not necessarilya bad thing. Often I have said to myself (propsto Deborah Westmoreland), “Self, what weneed is a man who doesn’t have enoughtime for us.” Point being, what often seems tohappen when we meet a “special someone” isthat we become consumed with the promiseof a new relationship- finally, we have found“the one”, finally, we have found our “cosmiclove” (props to Sara Bell), finally whateverit is that we have been waiting for and ismeant to be has arrived and is, well, being,or becoming, or whatever. Therefore, weallow ourselves to delve completelyinto this person, ignoring ourresponsibilities (and friends) and letourselves become overtaken by thatbeautiful maelstrom of allegedlyneverending happiness. Well, Isay bullshit. I no longer believe incosmic love (right now) and I don’t thinkit lasts (until the next time I experienceit) and I firmly believe that it will breakyour fucking heart and you should runaway as fast as you can (except for whenit’s truly true love) so I think you twoshould just get REAL (unless, of course, itIS real, in which case you should go, Go,GO with it!).But REALLY, I think you should have along-distance thing for a while and see where itgoes. It’s quite glamorous, being a long-distancelover in an exciting city where the two of youhave weekend trysts filled with romance andsex- why not? Absence DOES after all makethe heart grow fonder, which can give onethe (sometimes) false sense that everything isperfect but what’s wrong with that? Even if itdoesn’t work out in the long run, you’ll have agreat time figuring it out.Of course, once you’ve gone LD for a whileyou’ll have to move to the next level (or not);in the meantime just enjoy yourselves-thereis no greater aphrodisiac than absence, orabstinence- or is it absinthe? Anyway, eventuallyyou will come to a point where you both decidethat you either can or can NOT live without oneanother and you will act accordingly- for now,my advice is to be honest with each other aboutwhat distance you’re willing to go (or travel,or move) to perpetuate the current situation,and take it from there. If neither of you canseriously consider moving to be together, say sonow- it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still enjoyeach other’s company when you can, but itmight change how you view the future of therelationship. If either or both of you is willingto relocate, then you can progress to spendingenough time together (a week is a very shorttime) to see whether such a move would beadvisable, now or in the future. The very factthat you are leaving heightens the romancefactor and the sense of urgency, so you mustget into a more settled groove before you makeany major decisions.I think you should take a little trip togetherbefore you go- somewhere where you will besomewhat isolated for a few days- which willgive each of your idiosyncratic tendencies theopportunity to surface. Everyonehas their quirks- might be a good idea to showa few to each other before the move, just incase there’s a dealbreaker lurking just belowthe surface- sometimes just being alone withsomeone in a car for a few hours can tell you aLOT. If all goes well, I say proceed to step twothelong-distance relationship- and go with theflow. These “chance” meetings often happen fora reason, even if it’s not the reason you thoughtit was- I say give yourselves every possiblechance to find out what that reason is.good luck,ClaireDear Claire,I have this “friend” who has a blossominguncontrollable drug/alcohol problem. I havea hard time helping b/c I am an enabler whenwe go out drinking together and have goodtimes. This person is distancing herself fromher friends and acquaintances b/c she getsconfrontational when she gets to that level.My question is, do I have the right to tell herthat she’s got a major problem that needsto be remedied even though I am the onethat goes out with her a lot? Also, would I belosing her as a friend by telling her that wecouldn’t go out any more?-Hungover & HelplessDear H & H,I’ll get to your questions in a moment but I haveto first ask why you put the word “friend” inquotation marks? Is this because your “friend”isn’t really your “friend” or because she is, in fact,“you”? If “she” is, in fact, “you”, please simply altermy pronouns accordingly.OK- here’s what I think: first of all you shoulddefinitely STOP “enabling” your “friend”; all you’redoing is perpetuating her irrational behaviorand if you DO decide to talk to her about it and“intervene” in some way, you are simply givingfuel to her inevitable “you are a hypocriteand an enabler” argument. Do you havea right to intervene? Absolutely- if youare truly her “friend” then it is your dutyto try to pull her out of the morass she’stumbling into, regardless of whetheryou lose her as a drinking buddy in theprocess, which you very well may. Somepeople refuse to be helped or to helpthemselves, which is very sad but thewhole “hitting bottom” thing does ringtrue: if her drug/alcohol abuse starts tolose friends for her, she may wake upto the fact that she has a real problem.If you say nothing and continue toenable her, she may never come to thatconclusion and will continue to abuseherself. Ask yourself- which would yourather be responsible for? By writingyou obviously already feel responsiblefor something. If you are really her friendyou have a right AND a responsibility to havethis conversation with her, but if you give heran ultimatum about not hanging out withher if she continues this behavior, you have tostick to it, otherwise you’re wasting your timewhich would be better spent on perpetuatingyour own drug/alcohol abuse. Of course, youcan always suggest doing activities togetherthat don’t revolve around drugs or alcohol- atall order in this town I know, but there’s gottabe something else to do around here. You DOhave the right and you MAY lose a friend butsometimes that’s what being a true friend is allabout.suck it up, or don’t,ClaireIf you have a question about love,lust or life you can contact ClaireAshby via email at twocents@raleighhatchet.com, or write her care ofThe Raleigh Hatchet,110 Glascock St. Raleigh, NC 27604