Collecting Napoleon's Penis

Iri.si publis .ct bl \trs) t9!5O Rahh Rusofl 1995AII riehrs rescrled\{1th the exceptrrr oi "cenc ALto.r' anll rh. \,{arlbor o NIan,, lltrn h appea.erlot iBnr:ilh in ,,1/11$zA. and "canbling rvirh Realirr: Thc Nel\,\r of 1.as\i ljrrs, parts ot which :rppfared originalll in 4a4,./:' ,4.?ua.rall pieces \vc,.published originalh in he LA Vttkr\.VersotlK: 6 lUeaf(l Streer. L(nrdon $ l\, 3HRUS.\: 180 \:u ick Str ecr. \en Yot L \Y t0011-1606Vers() is the imprint ol Ncw L.rfr B.)okstsBN i_8598.] 91i2 2rsB\ 1_85981 003_5 (Pbk)British Library Caraloguing in Publication DataA (:aialogue r(rr.d lbr.this book is a!ailable lrolr rh. British LibrarrLibrary of Congress Cataloging-in-publicationRugoff, Rahh.(lir.us Americanus ,/ Ralph Ruql)11.DataP dn.rsRN l-85981 382-2 (hbk). _ ISB\ I 85981,0{)35 (pbk)L Nl^ierial culrLLre Claliforrria Los An!.eles. 2. ,{r1s,\1(xtern-20th c( ntury'-California-L(,s Ang€les. 3. Ar !s. Anr{irilrn(jalifon,ia L.,s Angeies. .1. N4 Lneums-( talifof nia-Los Angetes. j. ,\rts,Nlodern-20th c€ntrur Lalifoftlia, Southenr. 6. ,\ris, Anrerican-(ialilofnia,Southel.n. 7 Los^ngekis (alalil.)-Dt:.,tr.iption arrd rrarel. L |itle!8{i9.r.8.tR8'1199:709'.79t'90904-dc2(l95 3.10ri6(]IP'I,vpclet b,v \'1 ltrlesPrxlted and bound in (;.eat Brila;rr br The Balh press

COLLECTING N A P O L E O N ' S P E N T SThere are no limits to what people will collect. We systematically accrue representativesamples of everything from matchbooks and doilies to artifacts of historical tragedy.since at least New Kingdom Egypt, western homo sapiens has been a colecrins"animal,and in the marketplace which caters to this activity, it,s possible to buyjust iboutanything. Even body parts. And notjust anonymous organs and lirnbs, but pieces ofcelebriries.This particular market harks back to the traffickine in saints' relics medievalchurches inaugurated. Displays ofholy fingernairs and bones once drew thousands ofpilgrims eager for miracles, but in our time, the body trade has evolved into a purelysecular business. various pieces ofJohn wilkes Booth are scartered in insritutional corlectionsacross the country, and at ph adelphia's Mutter Museum - a medical ha ofpathological anatomy - visitors can admire a giant tumor that once belonged toGrover Cleveland. Then there's the persistent rumor that gangsterJohn Dillinger,spenis lies squirreled away.in a pocket of the Walter Reade Army Hospital Museum inBethesda, Maryland.Private individuals as well as public institutions barter over such human trophies. Apiece of Cortez's pickled bodl most of which lies in a glass casket displayed in aPeruvian church, recently surfaced on the market, and a few years back, Dr JohnLattimere found Napoleon's penis in private hands, made arrangements to purchasert, and subsequently loaned it to the Columbia Medical School,s Urology Department(of which he was then chairman). The emperor,s member had supposedly been

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A CO NS P IRACY OF VITBINESuniforms were tight-fitting, buttonless, and made from lightweight s)'nthetic fabrics.His sexier, and more imaginative, outfits were reserved for aliens. Theiss's galacticfashions conjure Liberace in orbit: psychedelic capes and sheer kaftans, often toppedwith gold lam6 and fake fur, surround the wearer in an aura of over-ripe exoticism.Metallic bikini tops and fluorescent mini-skirts were usually either absurdly form-fittingor embarrassingly skimpy; according to the auction catalog, Theiss's "sparse creations"were meant to "barely cover the bountifi.rl female alien form.".Judging from the bidding action, costumes are valued not only for their associationwith specific stars, but also for their connection to key episodes. Thus a couple ofoutfits sported by little-known actors sold in the $'1,000 range, while a hot-pink andorange dress worn by Teri Garr, a mere celebrity mortal, went for $1,200. Not suprisingly,CaptainJames Tiberius Kirk's mustard "bridge tunic" pushed the price envelopeby fetching $16,000.For six thousand dollars less, a bidder at Sotheby's auction of Soviet space programartifacts purchased cosmonaut Anatoly Soloryev's space glove, worn during fbur spacewalksin the early 1990s. The auction took place on the same day as its Hollpvoodcounterpart, but the items on Sotheby's block, which ranged from a Soluz TM-10space capsule to a chess set designed for gravity-free games, have a slightly differentappeal. To possess any of these artifacts is to own a piece ofworld history, making youa prop maste r of immortalitY.By contrast, Captain Kirk's tunic seems like a frivolous bit of memorabilia. More sothan most other collectibles, memorabilia appeal to us emotionally, providing pleasurebecause of some link to childhood or adolescent memories; like nostalgia, it hintsat fixation and arrested development. But as a Pop icon ofits era, Kirk's tunic can't beglibly excluded from our cultural inheritance. After all, our lives aren't influencedonly by political and technological developments; popular shows like Star Treh fotmpart of our "real" history as well. For many, Kirk's tunic is a relic of signilicant power;indeed, when highlights from the Theiss collection were recently exhibited at theSmithsonian, the show drew over a million visitors. (Curiously, a museum surveyfound that the audience tended to be slightly better educated than the averageSmithsonian visitor)Certainly, ro Star Treh collectible could be more capricious than Sotheby's Lot No.68A: a remote-controlled roving lunar vehicle, which at present is collecting dust dnthe moon's surface. It sold for $68,500, a price which presumably doesn't includedelivery charges. The lunar vehicle's new owner seemingly occupies the opposite