Current Issue - Thunder Roads Kentucky

A Koala is sitting up in a gum tree ... ……smoking a joint, when a
little lizard walks past and looks up and says, “Hey Koala ! What
are you doing?” The koala says: “Smoking a joint, come up and
have some.” So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the
koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says
his mouth is dry and he is going to get a drink from the river. But
the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls
into the river. A crocodile sees this, swims over to the little lizard
helps him to the side, and then asks the little lizard: “What’s the
matter with you?” The little lizard explains to the crocodile that
he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too
stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile
says he has to check this out, so he walks into the rain forest,
finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he
looks up and says “Hey you!” So the koala looks down at him
and says: “Shiiiiiiiiiiit, dude ...........what in the hell is in that water
you drank?!!”
Mike had been in police work for 25 years. Finally, sick of the
stress, he quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska as
far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week
and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace and
quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone
knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is
standing there. ‘Name’s Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up
the road. Having a party Friday night. Thought you might like to
come at about 5:00....’ ‘Great’, says Mike, ‘after six months out
here, I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.’ As Cliff
is leaving, he stops. ‘Gotta warn you. Be some drinking.’ ‘Not a
problem’ says Mike.. ‘After 25 years being a cop, I can drink with
the best of ‘em’. Again, the big man starts to leave and stops.
‘More’n likely gonna be some fighting too.’ ‘Well, I get along with
people. It’s all good. Thanks again.’ ‘More’n likely be some wild
sex too.’ ‘Now that’s really not a problem’ says Mike, warming to
the idea. ‘I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there.
By the way, what’s the dress code?’ ‘Don’t much matter. Just
gonna’ be the two of us.”
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a
couple ice cold beers. The day was really quite beautiful, and the
brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics. Finally I
thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful
than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that
giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the
nuts. Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking,
I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting
kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here
is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth,
a woman will often say, “it might be nice to have another child.”
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I
might be ready to try another kick in the nuts.” I rest my case.
Women or Men....Blonde Jokes Are Fun:
I was telling a blonde man friend of mine: “Christmas is on a Friday
this year.” My friend replied; “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: “Close
your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex. The
whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.” To
which the blonde man replied: “Well the joke’s on all of you
because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”
A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND “.
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he
has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop
car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the
road. The cop says, “That’s your air freshener swinging about!”
While creating women, God promised men that good and obedient
wives would be found in all the corners of the world.
And then He smiled and made the earth round.
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