I know what it’s like to watch the lifebeing choked out of the woman who gavebirth to me. I’ve felt the weight of seven boyscompressed into the small of my back, thepressure intensified by their screams of discriminativeinsults as they attacked me. I underst<strong>and</strong>the dread that comes when the dismissalbell rings at school <strong>and</strong> a student has nowhereto call home. I know the South, the DeepSouth. Its generosities. Its prejudices. I conquerthem daily.His rage was all but fleeting; rather, thistrait marred his personality near consistently,exploding without cause or warning. That dayhe took it out on Mom’s neck, straddling herWhoopingsby Jeremy Craw<strong>for</strong>dPastReflectionsPhotographKimberly GoldenSecond Place, Essay Competitionstomach as whispered gasps escaped herswollen throat, muffled by dirty, wrenchingh<strong>and</strong>s. He wasn’t even my step dad, just thethird drunk to live with us <strong>for</strong> any extendedperiod of time. Ronnie abused us more thanthose drugs abused his body, <strong>and</strong> that says alot. My half-sister, a toddler at the time, was hisillegitimate daughter, <strong>and</strong> I thank God he treatedher a little better than us. Most of the timehe just let her watch the show, often from hisarms. Sometimes I wouldn’t fight back justbecause I was afraid she would get hurt. Hercontinuous attempts to escape his alcoholicstench made her easily dropped. But today hewasn’t drunk, <strong>and</strong> his anger seemed to intensifywith all the more vigor, perhaps fueled bysome purchase made from the rusty trailer parkdown Old Seven Highway.I wondered how long it would take thepolice to arrive. At our old house, a 110-acrerun-down estate that was once the prized dairyfarm of Potlocana, they never arrived in time—or at all, <strong>for</strong> that matter. I guess the windingroads through the densely <strong>for</strong>ested hills ofNorth <strong>Mississippi</strong> were too frustrating <strong>for</strong> theofficers to travel. The trip from Ox<strong>for</strong>d aloneinvolved trekking over the Yocona River <strong>and</strong> atwenty-minute drive through hay fields <strong>and</strong>cow pastures just to arrive at Tula, an outlyingcommunity in the <strong>for</strong>est we referred to as theS V2 6“Big W.” And once someone got there, notmany people knew of our farm still twentyminutes further into the woods. Surrounded bythous<strong>and</strong>s of pines, three near-empty catfishponds, <strong>and</strong> two rundown home places, wewere at the mercy of the l<strong>and</strong>. I missed thatmercy.Next it was my turn. I had somehow drawnRonnie’s attention from my wheezing mother,though I <strong>for</strong>get how. Instead I remember thesudden intensification of horror that overwhelmedmy senses as he turned towards me.How can anyone imagine his mother beingchoked to within an inch of her life, <strong>and</strong> thenimagine becoming even more afraid? My barefeet slapped the cold concrete floor as I racedaway, but I didn’t have far to run. He corneredme in my room, pushing me to the floor as heraised the butt of my shotgun <strong>for</strong> a strike. Myarms were crossed in defense: one blow couldsurely finish me, but he enjoyed observing me,watching me scream <strong>and</strong> cry in terror <strong>and</strong> painas I pushed my face into the hard floor. It wasicy against my flesh, <strong>and</strong> it shimmered with thereflection of his towering figure. Momma <strong>and</strong> Ihad spent weeks staining that floor, swirlingthe wax to create just the perfect imitation ofMexican tile, a mélange of browns <strong>and</strong> reds.Our move from the country to the city hadbeen a challenging one, <strong>and</strong> she tried so hardto make it a home. We had planted azaleas <strong>and</strong>poppies <strong>and</strong> wildflowers to make it feel morelike “the old house,” hung our hummingbirdfeeders, <strong>and</strong> unleashed our pets. But alcoholcuts through wax, <strong>and</strong> bloodstains overpowerany wildflower, no matter how resilient thepetal’s hue.I’m not sure how, but Momma’s screamssaved me. Managing to recover herself <strong>for</strong> themoment, she appeared in front of my curledbody with raised arms. “He was just scared <strong>for</strong>his mother’s life!” Her pleas fell upon adamantears as Ronnie kicked <strong>and</strong> stomped. He swiftlybrought the shotgun down upon the concretefloor, shattering the butt <strong>and</strong> suddenly exposingthe room to the stiff scent of gun oil. Iguess the realization of what he had just donesurprised him. He’d given me that shotgun as agift a few years be<strong>for</strong>e, <strong>and</strong> it was one of thefew guns in the house that he didn’t keeplocked up in his gun-safe. He loved that vault,filled with his treasured rifles <strong>and</strong> pistols. It washis trophy, a trophy he killed with, a trophy heused to claim his other trophies: deer, <strong>and</strong>
eavers, <strong>and</strong> our obedience. He almost loved it asmuch as he loved our fear.We managed to make it to the car, Momma <strong>and</strong>I. His h<strong>and</strong>s were grabbing at her head through thewindow, <strong>and</strong> as we sped away he hurled a weedeatertowards us. A sigh of relief…wait, it wasn’tover yet. My little sister was still there, unable to getto us in the frenzy of our escape. We had to goback. My mother’s purple mascara dripped from hercheeks as she puffed ferociously on a cigarette. Thequick loop through the neighborhood proved to beuncom<strong>for</strong>ting. We were surrounded by his family<strong>and</strong> his friends, <strong>and</strong> a few miles down the roadmarked the beginnings of a city we didn’t know ortrust. “Jeremy, we’re just going to go back <strong>and</strong> takeour whoopings. We’ve got to get your sister. Wecan’t leave her there. We’ve just got to be brave. Justtake your whooping.”It wasn’t the first time I had taken my whooping,<strong>and</strong> it wouldn’t be the last. Sometimes whoopingsare the only way. I did what I had to do, keptmoving. Couldn’t stop. Else I’d get caught, getdrawn into the unmotivated mindset that claims somany of my southern neighbors. I took whoopingsto get my sister back; I took whoopings <strong>for</strong> beingdisrespectful; I took whoopings <strong>for</strong> being a countryboy in the city; I took whoopings to teach me a lesson;I took whoopings <strong>for</strong> being different. I mighthave been beaten, but I didn’t lose. I kept trying,<strong>and</strong> with each punch <strong>and</strong> each prod I got a littlestronger, my objectives became a little clearer.These days, my advanced courses at the<strong>Mississippi</strong> <strong>School</strong> <strong>for</strong> <strong>Mathematics</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Science</strong>issue my whoopings. The rigorous course load,matched by my numerous extracurricular activities,provides an impossibly busy schedule. Balancing APCalculus with Yearbook <strong>and</strong> Literary Magazine editorialduties, as well as maintaining my position asStudent Government Association Vice-President,can be rather difficult. As one of the few membersof my family to value education, whoopings alsotend to come in the <strong>for</strong>m of destructive criticismconcerning my academic priorities. However, thatdoesn’t stop me from pursuing my classes <strong>and</strong> mydreams to their fullest. The ceaseless battle <strong>for</strong> myrights only spurs my motivation. I may take a fewwhoopings along the way, but I’ll come out of theordeal with something to show <strong>for</strong> it: an A inphysics, an underst<strong>and</strong>ing of college-level chemistry,a successful year as the President of the MSMSSenate, a place to call home, or my little sister in thesafety of my arms.“Celestial”Photograph, Laura Beth MooreA MomentThe sun begins to setNo fear a new dawn awaits us yetThis chapter has come to a closeWe can only guess what the future holdsA timeless adventure that awaits us allNo fear we must take a step be<strong>for</strong>e we canfallFriends <strong>for</strong>ever our paths once crossedWe’ve grown <strong>and</strong> now must partThose who are always with you are thosethat touched your heartWe will all venture out full of hopes <strong>and</strong>dreams <strong>and</strong>Someday a long time from now we willremember back to these yearsAnd think fondly, smile softly, shed tearsWe remember yesterday, live today, <strong>and</strong> hopetomorrowMonica CookFlowers at DawnBeauty unfolds,Its tender petals caressedBy a gentle breeze,Its faces upturned,Waiting <strong>for</strong> a kissFrom the early morning dew.Addie LeakHonorable Mention, Poetry Competition