married and loving it! - WWME Encounter Resource Library

MARRIED AND LOVING IT!PLANNINGANDPREPARATIONMANUAL

TABLE OF CONTENTSSECTION 1PageIntroduction and Acknowledgements 2Initial Planning and Preparation Guide 3Sample Informational Letter to Pastor 5Sample Proposal Letter to Pastor 6SECTION 2Sample Bulletin Announcements and Flyer 7Sample Registration Form 9Sample Couple testimonials for promotions 10Sample Enrichment Day Schedule and Logistics 11Sample Nametag and Label Template with Logo 12SECTION 3Leader Presentation and Testimonial GuideI. Introduction 13II. The Basics of Our Passionate Journey 14III. Our Journey of Self 15IV. Our Journey As A Couple 17V. Our Journey With God 19VI. Our Passionate Journey Continues 20VII. Final Sharing and Closing Ceremony 20SECTION 4Couple Packet ContentsFour Fast Facet Facts 21Couple Evaluation 22Couple Booklet (Under separate cover)MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME) Manual© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 1

SECTION 1INTRODUCTIONThe MARRIED & LOVING IT! (MOST OF THE TIME) Program is a one day, parish basedmarriage enrichment for couples of all ages. The primary objective of this program is tostrengthen and enrich couple relationships through shared experiences and personal coupletime. The format includes positive reinforcement for a passionate, sacramental lifestyle andprovides opportunities to discuss topics such as communicating in the safe zone, couple decisionmaking, increased marital passion, win‐win confrontation, couple prayer, and service in theChurch as a couple.A lead facilitating couple covers the basic concepts in six, 10 minute presentations.Each presentation also includes testimonials from other couples, followed by private coupletime, short exercises in the couple booklet, and small group interaction. In a structured, but veryinformal atmosphere couples learn practical ways to enhance their communication, family life,and friendships with other Catholic couples. This program is sponsored and presented byWorldwide Marriage Encounter couples in conjunction with Catholic pastors.The second objective of this program is to inform and encourage couples to continueenriching and deepening their relationship through attendance at a Worldwide Marriage EncounterWeekend. The Married & Loving It! Program is not a replacement for the WorldwideMarriage Encounter Weekend but is based on the universal concepts taught on the Weekendand is designed to promote healthy, happy, Christ centered marriages.ACKNOWLEDGMENTSThe Married & Loving It! enrichment was conceived in 2004, with the guidance of thelate Bishop Jack Kaising, Auxiliary of the Archdiocese of Military Services. We created the programin response to many requests from pastors to offer in‐parish marriage enrichment, and weare deeply grateful to Fr. Dennis Hughes and Fr. Arthur Proulx of the St. Petersburg Florida Diocesefor their faith in us and their vision for strong Catholic marriages.Our special thanks also go to the Tampa Bay Worldwide Marriage Encounter Community,and in particular, professional educators and fellow team couple Randy Rebman and LoriFitzpatrick—their counsel during the writing and design process was invaluable. We developedthis program as a Worldwide Marriage Encounter enrichment experience , and were encouragedand inspired by our WWME Area Coordinators, Terry and Laura Lewis, as well as Tony andCathy Witzcak, the United States Secretariat Coordinating Couple. In addition, OE and MelObasi, Richard and Kolleen Spinelli, Richard and Michelle Howe, Charles and Gayle Gaither andButch and Kitty Miller became our “Passion Team.” Without their commitment and willingnessto think outside of the box, this program would never have succeeded—our sincere thanks tothese dear friends.MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME) Manual© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 2

INITIAL PLANNING AND PREPARATION GUIDEESTABLISH THE DATE and timing for presenting the enrichment. We recommend atleast 45 days for planning and promotion. Page five is a sample proposal that can be changed to reflectyour facts and presented with other materials to the pastor. Experience has proven that this program ismost adaptable when scheduled on a Saturday since parish facilities are usually more available than onSunday. Presenting the program on Sunday is also probably workable if it could be started by very earlyafternoon. The program takes about six hours.TIMING of the program is approximately six hours in duration including initial welcomingwith continental breakfast and lunch. We have arranged the day to coincide with the Saturday vigilmass—parents pick up their children and all attend the vigil Mass while the Passion Team prepares for afamily dinner right after Mass. Although it is preferable, the dinner is optional when parish activities precludeuse of the facility.CHILD CARE is one of the most important elements of this program, as most parents todaydon’t use the traditional babysitting system. We highly recommend that the pastor offer “on campus”child care in parish facilities that are totally separate from the adults. Some parishes have hired theregular day care personnel to staff the pre‐school facilities or nursery, as well as hiring other parishionersto offer “friend‐care” for older children. It is not necessary to have a formal program, but the focusis on having something entertaining during the six hour period. Meals and snacks are also provided bythe Passion Team and are included in the registration fee.FACILITIES REQUIREMENTS include a large enough space to seat couples at tablefor eight. Round tables are great, but rectangular are very acceptable. A large parish hall or cafeteriaseems to work well. In a large space we usually set up one end as the presentation space, and the otherfor eating and snacks. Other facilities needs include a place for childcare and informal space for coupleprivate time—we used the parish gardens and a few of the spaces in and around the parish or school.We number the tables and pre‐assign couples to tables in order to have a mix of couples married shorterand longer times. Each table of couples stays at that table for the entire day, and we try to have at leastone ME couple at each table as well.FOOD options are numerous, depending on the cooking or service kitchen that may be availableand the number of couples attending the program. For continental breakfast and snacks goodchoices are the traditional coffee service along with bagels, pastries, fruit salad, juices, milk etc. The localdiscount warehouses are usually the best resources for bulk food and beverages. For lunch and/ordinner, good choices are sandwich trays or rings that are pre‐made, lasagna trays or catered dinnersfrom Boston Market or other local restaurants. Experience has proven that the Passion Team also enjoysdoing some preparation of one or more of the meals. In addition, coffee, tea and paper productsare usually supplied by the parish in order to hold down the cost per family for the enrichment.MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 3

INITIAL PLANNING AND PREPARATION GUIDE Cont’dPROMOTION is another must for planning and preparation, and a variety of advertisingmethods is recommended. Advertise the date of the enrichment 45‐60 days ahead of time—this canbe done by either an announcement or flyer in the bulletin or some posters put in strategic places. InSection 2 of this manual there are sample bulletin announcements, information flyers, registrationforms and a combination flyer with removable registration form. These templates can be personalized/changedto reflect each enrichment’s date, times etc. We have also given three minute witnesstalks at all the masses two weeks before the enrichment and in another parish the pastor spoke personallyat all of the masses to invite couples to attend.REGISTRATION AND FINANCIAL It is recommended that the parish handle theregistration process with members of the Passion Team being involved in order to plan for the packetsand food. If the parish uses “Parish Pay” or some other on‐line donation/registration process, itwould be advantageous to have the registration taken on‐line as well as by traditional methods. Theregistration fee is usually $25 or $30 depending on the meals offered and the availability of paperproducts from the parish. Sometimes it is necessary to take the registrations by phone and the couplepays the fee at the door—we also advertise that scholarships are available. The Passion Team usuallyhandles the purchase of the food and also prepares the Couple Packet materials. A purchasereimbursementagreement between WWME and the parish seems to work best.THE PASSION TEAM Organizing the Passion Team will require some discernmenton the part of the WWME Community. The Facilitating Couple should be chosen for their love and enthusiasmfor marriage and couples. They should also be self‐starters who have a very positive perspectiveabout marriage and how couples are doing their very best to make their marriage a greatone. The presentations should be simple, clear, crisp and full of many POSITIVE personal examples.In addition to writing the presentations, the Facilitating Couple should be very confident and practicedspeakers, who can think on their feet and be adaptable to whatever may happen during the enrichment.This couple should be so familiar with the materials that they can present without readingevery word. One caution—this is not a Weekend so we do not use ME jargon in our presentations.There are also four of the presentations that include a five minute sharing from aTestimonial Couple. These testimonies are short additional witnesses that provide further examplesto the attending couples of positive strategies that have worked in their relationship. It is importantthat each couple who does a testimonial ties in their experience of the WWME Weekend as a part oftheir growth. After all, we are inviting couples to the Weekend. The Testimonial Couples should writeout their presentation and they should be reviewed by the Facilitating Couple to ensure that there isno repetition. The Facilitating Couple should be prepared to change their examples if this happens.Other members of the Passion Team include couples to help with registration, meals, setup,table leaders, promotions and any other administrative arrangements that may be needed.MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 4

DateDear Pastor,We are Dave and Lucy Snyder, representatives of Worldwide Marriage Encounter (WWME) and coordinators of an excitingnew marriage enrichment program—MARRIED & LOVING IT! (MOST OF THE TIME). This program was developed in answer tothe many requests for marriage enrichment opportunities in the parish, and it has the potential to reach all of your marriedparishioners so that they will be encouraged in their Sacramental lifestyle. MARRIED & LOVING IT! is a one‐day experiencefilled with positive reinforcement for a Catholic couple’s relationship, as well as the presentation of tools to enhance communication,family life and friendships with other Catholic couples. A side‐benefit of the program is the opportunity to inform andencourage couples to continue enriching and deepening their relationship through attendance at a WWME Weekend, and indeed,most of the couples who attend this program go on to make a Weekend.This is not a mini Marriage Encounter Weekend, but is based on the universal concepts we teach on the Weekend, and designedto promote healthy, happy, Christ centered marriages. The MARRIED & LOVING IT! Program is structured so that you,as the pastor, would sponsor the program with WWME as the co‐sponsors and facilitators. We have attached a sample proposalthat gives you more details, but in a nutshell, we provide everything except the facility and childcare for the couples,which we ask you to arrange through your in‐parish system. We try to keep the couple cost down to $25 or $30 per couple andfamily, which includes all materials as well as breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner. We have a team of couples who organize,prepare and serve the food and they also ensure set‐up and clean‐up of the facility.All of the “marketing” of the program is also provided by WWME including bulletin announcements, flyers, registration materialsetc. In the last eighteen months we have piloted MARRIED & LOVING IT! at three parishes in the diocese. Our pastor, Fr.Arthur Proulx, and his Faith Formation staff at Nativity have been a tremendous support in the initial stages of developmentand to date over 150 couples have attended the enrichment in the diocese. We also presented the program at St. Stephen Parishin Valrico and Transfiguration Parish in St. Petersburg. (As a result of our experience at Transfiguration, the Couple Booklethas also been translated into Spanish and will be available whenever needed.)As a pastor we know that you are very dedicated to your people and their needs. In light of this we are presenting you thisprogram as a way to offer your married couples some very substantive, reachable, in‐parish marriage enrichment. We wouldbe delighted to speak with you about what dates would be open at your parish during the next year to schedule the MARRIED& LOVING IT! Program. You might also consider combining with one or more surrounding parishes to sponsor the programsince some parishes may not have a facility available for an entire day. We will follow up by phone and/or email in the nextmonth to set a time to get together with you, and we so look forward to working with you to present the MARRIED & LOVINGIT! Program.Please feel free to call or email us at any time to get additional details about MARRIED & LOVING It! Thank you for your considerationin this matter and God bless you in your priestly ministry.Sincerely in Christ,Dave and Lucy Snyder813‐684‐6579NOTE: The parts of this letter in red will change and be personalized by your area. This is a SAMPLE letterthat can be changed to fit the circumstances, but is a concise explanation of the enrichment, andwas mailed with the SAMPLE PROPOSAL to every pastor in the 78 parishes in the St. Petersburg Diocese,Tampa Bay, with great success. We followed up with attendance at Deanery meetings throughoutthe diocese at which time the pastors heard the message again and several of whom signed up.Do not include the copyright information in the block below.MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 5

MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)PROPOSED ENRICHMENT: MARRIED AND LOVING IT! (MOST OF THE TIME) at “your” parishSYNOPSIS: A day long, in‐parish workshop sponsored by Worldwide Marriage Encounter for married couples of all ages. Theformat includes short presentations, writing exercises, private couple time, and small group sharing and is presented in a relaxedand non‐threatening environment. Concepts provide positive reinforcement in the areas of personality styles; intimatecommunication; listening with the heart; affection in and out of the bedroom; couple decision‐making; confrontation; coupleprayer; and service in the Church as a couple. Each couple receives a packet with individual booklets and Catholic prayer resources.SUGGESTED SCHEDULE:9 a.m. Gathering and Continental Breakfast Childcare begins (if this is provided at the parish)9:30 – 12:00 Presentations and Sharing12:30 – 1:30 Lunch1:30 – 3:30 or 4:30 p.m. Presentations and SharingMass in parishFamily Celebration DinnerFACILITY REQUIREMENTS:Large space (Social Hall) with eight person tablesPodium and microphoneChildcare facility removed from conference spaceService or Preparation KitchenCoffee Service and Paper Products for Meals and SnacksHUMAN REQUIREMENTS:Parish Staff to take registrations and provide coordinationwith Married & Loving It! facilitators“Passion Team” (Couples from the WWME Community) toplan and facilitate the enrichment dayPROGRAM AUTHORS AND CREDENTIALS:Dave and Lucy Snyder were married in 1967, have three grown children and seven grandchildren. Both hold a certificate of Master Catechist fromthe Archdiocese of Baltimore and the Archdiocese of Military Services. Lucy has served as a Director of Religious Education and Liturgy for 25 plus years inboth military and diocesan parishes throughout the United States and overseas, and has been a licensed instructor for Parent and Youth Effectiveness Training.After attending a Worldwide Marriage Encounter (WWME) in 1977, and extensive formation and ministry training experiences, the Snyders havebeen in service to couples in the church in various capacities, including adult Sacramental preparation and RCIA. They have developed and presented numerousseminars and workshops for couples, and currently are serving as a National Cadre Team, responsible for the formation and training of couples and prieststhroughout the United States who present Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekends.The Snyders have served on the National Board of the US Secretariat of Worldwide Marriage Encounter, and have been speakers at national andinternational conventions and conferences. Three years ago the Snyders organized a special outreach to active duty military couples, and serve as the NationalCoordinators and Resource Team for WWME and the Archdiocese of Military Services.Dave, a retired US Army officer, currently works as the Contracts Director for Hillsborough County Public Works Department. Lucy, a small businessowner, is a textile artist and interiors consultant for corporate and liturgical spaces.NOTE: This is a SAMPLE PROPOSAL and the times will change according to your own schedule.It is advisable to include the credentials of the facilitating couple(s) so that the pastors can be assured of the quality of this program. You may use our credentialsas the “authors” of the program, but certainly your own background in WWME and ministry experience is the real qualifier for presenting thisprogram, and the most important element to include in this section.Do not include the copyright information in the block belowMARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 6

SECTION 2SAMPLE BULLETIN ANNOUNCEMENTSMARRIED & LOVING IT! (MOST OF THE TIME) Calling all married couples.Would you like to hear about TALKING IN THE SAFE ZONE, or how to have AFFECTION ALL DAY, or how toCONFRONT SO EVERYONE WINS? Then you will want to attend (parish) new one‐day enrichment to beheld on (day and date) in the church social hall. This is a special time for couples of all ages to focus onthe STRENGTHS in your marriage, and to learn new tools to keep you tuned in to each other, as well astuned up for smooth running. For more information, call the (Faith Formation Office or other contact inthe parish) Complimentary child care will be provided by the parish, but spaces are limited—please makeyour reservations as soon as possible. The ($fee) for the day covers all meals and materials.JUST TWO MORE WEEKS TO SIGN UP FOR the MARRIED & LOVING IT! Programto beheld on (Day, Date and Times) in our (place). Come away for a day and refresh your marriage.Take time to just be a couple without all the distractions of your busy lives. Learn from other coupleshow to make your marriage shine, how to make your family shine. Child care will be provided and mealsand materials are all included in the small fee of ($fee). Sign up today—registration forms are located atthe church office and couples will be in the social hall to take your registration as well as to answer anyquestions you might have.ALL MARRIED COUPLES Spend the day learning and laughing together just like youdid in the “old” days—whether that’s last year or 50 years ago! Join other married couples for a specialday of enrichment in our parish on (day, date and time). The MARRIED & LOVING IT! (Most of the time)Program is a great opportunity to look at the positive side of your marriage, and learn new techniques tobe a great spouse and a great parent. Sign up today after mass, or call the church office (phone #) tomake your reservation. Complimentary child care will be provided and the fee for all materials and mealsfor the entire family is ($fee).COUPLES OF ALL AGES RENEW YOUR DREAMS Our parish is sponsoring avery special day of enrichment—MARRIED & LOVING IT! (MOST OF THE TIME). On (day, date and time) in(location) we will have a wonderful opportunity to learn new ways to increase the passion. Being ahappy, fulfilled couple IS POSSIBLE. Being a great spouse and a great parent IS POSSIBLE. Spend a dayjust for the two of you—complimentary child care is available and the cost for the entire day is only ($fee)for everything. Register by phone at (phone number) or pick up a registration form at all the church entrances.MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 7

REGISTRATION FORMMARRIED & LOVING IT! (MOST OF THE TIME)NAMES ______________________________________________________________________________TELEPHONE #___________________________ EMAIL ___________________________________STREET ADDRESS _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________CITY/STATE/ZIP _____________________________________________________________________REGISTRATION FEE _______CASH _______CHECK #_____________CREDIT CARD ______VISA ______MC ______AMEXCC#_______________________________________________________EXPIRATION DATE: _____________________________________ KEYCODE __________SIGNATURE____________________________________________________________________CHILD CARE NEEDED ______YES ______NONUMBER OF CHILDREN _________AGES ________________________________________MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 9 (DO NOT INCLUDE THIS COPYRIGHT BLOCK WHEN REPRODUCING THIS FORM)

COUPLE TESTIMONIALS FOR PROMOTIONS“We have a good marriage, but the Married & Loving It! experience is taking our relationship to the nextlevel.” Ron and Stephanie (7 years)“Being around other couples who share similar experiences and exchanging our ideas with them helpedus to really grow in our marriage.” Rick and Debbie (14 years)“Every couple needs a refresher course to keep up with things. We learned to keep God as the center ofour marriage.”Wagner and Geraldine (3 years)“We learned that we are each other’s unique gift from God to travel together on our journey to heaven.We realized that we love each other just as God made us.”Richard and Kolleen (3 years)“This enrichment helped us realize that we love each other and our marriage—we can make it rich andfulfilling with God’s help.” Rick and Michelle (37 years)“This is just what we needed! It is too easy to get caught up in the everyday hustle of work and family.Sometimes we lose focus on the importance of the gift we have in each other and our marriage. This enrichmenthelped us to realize the importance of making time for each other and God every day.”John and Andrea (7 years)“This is a strong, fun experience where you get the chance to meet both new and old married couples,and to listen and learn from them.” Carlos and Edilla Rivers (25 years)“This program put new light on our marriage—we are so grateful that we had some time alone, and thatwe met some other Catholic couples who have our values.” Nelson and Gloria (20 years)“Attending Married & Loving It! has renewed our love and commitment to our relationship. Realizing ourrelationship is so deep and strong makes our differences seem small. Bill and Denise (25 years)“We found out that our personalities are good and help us to be complements to each other. We renewedour love for each other and our faith in God.” Bill and Lisa (7 years)“We had a wonderful day—we met great people, the speakers were insightful and inspirational, and welearned that praying together as a couple can make us even closer than we are already.”Ron and Linda (20 years)“We learned to see ourselves as a couple, and to work together as a couple to build each other up, and tobuild up the church too.” David and Ivette (14 years)MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 10

SAMPLE ENRICHMENT SCHEDULE AND LOGISTICSSCHEDULE8:30 ‐ 9:30 Gathering and Continental Breakfast9:30 ‐ 9:45 I. Introduction (Nuts & Bolts)9:45 ‐ 10:00 II. The Basics of Our Passionate Journey10:00 ‐ 11:00 III. My Journey of Self11:00 ‐ 11:15 Break11:15 ‐ 12:15 IV. Our Journey As A Couple12:15 ‐ 1:00 Lunch1:00 ‐ 2:00 V. Our Journey With God2:00 ‐ 2:15 Break2:15 ‐ 3:00 VI. Our Passionate Journey Continues3:00 ‐ 3:30 Wrap Up, Couple Sharing and EvaluationsMassFamily Dinner and WWME Weekend Info Talk(Note: The times for the enrichment can be changed in order to accommodate the parishvigil mass.)LOGISTICS* Arrange for a podium, and microphones* Set up registration table near entrance* Set out Couple Packets, Name Tags, Pens and Registration Materials* Set up Breakfast and Snack Tables with Coffee and Drink Service* Set up tables with Table Number Cards and candy dish for each couple* Set up Shrine with Candle, Rosary, Statue or Cross and Bible* Arrange for food for children to be prepared and taken to child care* Arrange with Pastor for recognition and blessing of couples* Gather all receipts and follow up with parish staff for reimbursementMARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 11

MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 12 (Delete this block and banner at top to print these labels)

SECTION 3LEADER PRESENTATION AND TESTIMONIAL GUIDE(Recommend the Facilitating and Testimonial Couples use this guide to write the presentations out in full)I. INTRODUCTION (10 MINUTES)FOCUS of this presentation is to provide a warm welcome, to introduce the facilitating Passion Team,to go over the administrative details, and to state the purpose and objectives of the MARRIED AND LOV‐ING IT! Program. (Facilitating Couple alternates speaking to the points of the presentation.)A. WELCOME AND OPENING PRAYER (Sample Prayer: God our Creator, we gather herein love. We ask your blessing on each of us, on our relationship, and on our family. Open our hearts andminds to Your Love this day. Grant that what we say and do may strengthen our marriage. We ask thisthrough Jesus Christ, Your Son our Lord, and Your Most Holy Spirit. Amen.)B. INTRODUCTIONS1. Facilitating Couple introduces themselves giving the particulars of their marriageand family such as years married, number of children and grandchildren if applicable,parish, and years they have been in ministry to couples and priests through WorldwideMarriage Encounter.2. Facilitating Couple introduces the Passion Team and explains how they will be availableto help the group throughout the day.3. Attending Couples introduce themselves at their tables of four couples, giving theiryears married, children, and parish they attend.C. ADMINISTRATIVE DETAILS1. Explain the Couple Packet including two personal booklets, and other handouts that willbe explained later in the day.2. Explain the schedule for the day.3. Go over the particulars of the facility including restrooms etc.4. Explain child care if that is being offered during the program. Stress the need for thecouples to have private time and allow their children to have fun in their own setting.5. Explain the guidelines for sharing—sharing is optional, but what we share is very helpfulto other couples listening; sharing is confidential; let others share without interruption;end sharing with amen or some other means to let others know we are finished.D. PURPOSE OF THE ENRICHMENT1. To strengthen and enrich married couple’s relationship through shared experiences andprivate couple time.2. To learn positive, practical ways to enhance our relationship, family life and friendshipswith other Catholic couples.3. Inform and encourage couples to continue deepening their relationship.MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 13

SECTION 3LEADER PRESENTATION AND TESTIMONIAL GUIDE (Continued)(Recommend the Facilitating and Testimonial Couples use this guide to write the presentations out in full.Husband and wife alternate covering the points of each of the presentations.)II. BASICS OF OUR PASSIONATE JOURNEY (15 Minutes)FOCUS (Page 2, Couple Booklet) This presentation lays the groundwork for the day by settingforth some basic beliefs about ourselves as loveable persons andour commitment to our marriage. Theconcept of sharing feelings is introduced as an important part of our daily communication along with the“safe zone” where we agree to share feelings openly with our spouse without blame. The presentationends with two questions in the couple booklet.A. WE ARE MARRIED AND LOVING IT MOST OF THE TIME. We all have our upsand downs, but we are committed to making our marriage the best it can be. We got married withthe intention of creating a happy, fulfilling relationship.B. EACH OF US IS LOVEABLE, AND EACH OF US IS DEEPLY LOVED—by God,by our spouse and others.C. AS HUMAN BEINGS WE LIVE, WORK AND LOVE USING BOTH OUR HEAD(INTELLECT) AND OUR HEART (EMOTIONS). In order to experience depth and intimacy in our marriage, we create a safe zone where we are free to share our emotions—ourfeelings. When we communicate our feelings, we are making a journey from the head to heart—we are communicating in the safe zone. This helps us to live, work and love with passion. This isthe PASSIONATE JOURNEY.D. WE ALL HAVE FEELINGS AND OUR FEELINGS ARE NEITHER RIGHT NORWRONG. Our feelings are the base of all our communication—our conversation, lovemaking,our confrontations, and even our silence and non‐verbals. Our feelings are our own—they comefrom inside us and they reflect what is in our hearts. Because of this we don’t blame others forhow we are feeling. In fact, the real key to intimacy in our marriage is our on‐going, practicedand honest sharing of our feelings with each other—not just our thoughts or opinions.E. THERE IS AN EASY WAY TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEENTHOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. A feeling statement begins with “I feel” or “I am” followedby a feeling word such as happy, sad, afraid or angry. On the other hand, a thought statementbegins with “I think” or “I believe” or “I judge” followed by the words that or like. If you hear thewords “I feel that” or “I feel like” it is NOT a feeling, but rather a thought, judgment, belief oropinion.F. LET’S TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO DO A SHORT EXERCISE. On the bottom ofpage 2, the sentence begins with, “Right now I’m feeling_________________” Take a minute tofill in the blank with one or two words that express how you are feeling inside right now. Thenshare this feeling with your spouse. Remember that feelings are neither right nor wrong.MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 14

SECTION 3LEADER PRESENTATION AND TESTIMONIAL GUIDE (Continued)(Recommend the Facilitating and Testimonial Couples use this guide to write the presentations out in full.Husband and wife alternate covering the points of each of the presentations.)III. OUR JOURNEY OF SELF(60 MINUTES including 10 minute presentation, 5 minute testimonial, two 5 minuteexercises, 15 minute couple private time, 20 minute group sharing)FOCUS (Page 3 and 4 in Couple Booklet) The presentation is designed to help each personsee their uniqueness and loveability, and to identify their specific qualities and traits. In the personalityprofile four gem names are used—Pearl, Emerald, Ruby and Sapphire to help individuals describe the elementsof their personality that are strongest in their marital relationship. The concept of each couple beingcomplementary in their personalities is introduced, and both the challenge and the attractiveness ofthe different facets of their unique personalities. This presentation lays the foundation of CHOICE in ourmarriage—that we can choose to be passionate about the unique, loveable person God created in us—we can choose to embrace each other’s uniqueness and develop a one of a kind couple personality.A. WE ARE ALL CREATED BY GOD as beautiful, one of a kind individuals with a veryunique combination of qualities, strengths and values that we call our personality. Our personalityshapes our perspective on life, and our positive self‐image is important for healthy and growingrelationships.1. Our personality is neither right nor wrong.2. We don’t choose our personality since it is God given, but we do choose our behavior.3. We are precious in God’s eyes—like the jewels we use as analogies for our personalityprofile.4. Each of us desires a happy and fulfilling life, but we arrive at adulthood with a sense ofunworthiness or self‐doubts that limit us.5. We have the choice to discover and embrace our personality (positive self‐image) for thesake of our relationship with our spouse and others. We can’t love anyone else unless wecan love ourselves.6. We each have a dominant part of our personality that motivates us in our relationships.7. EACH OF US IS LOVEABLE AND DEEPLY LOVED BY GOD, OUR SPOUSE AND OTHERS.B. PERSONALITY PROFILE EXERCISE Introduce the Personality Profile Exercisewith something like: Each of us is a unique combination of qualities and we bring these qualities toour marriage. We have used the names of gems to distinguish one set of traits from another. As youdo this exercise select the traits that best describe you, and relate to you in your marriage. When youare done, identify the gem that has the most traits marked under it. Remember that one quality ortrait is not better than another, so we ask you to please identify your qualities based on who you are,not who you would like to be or who you think you are expected to be.MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 15

SECTION 3LEADER PRESENTATION AND TESTIMONIAL GUIDE (Continued)(Recommend the Facilitating and Testimonial Couples use this guide to write the presentations out in full.Husband and wife alternate covering the points of each of the presentations.)III. OUR JOURNEY OF SELF (Continued)B. PERSONALITY PROFILE EXERCISE (Continued)1. PEARL: Highest Value is Knowledge. Analytical, Logical, Rational, Objective,Problem Solver, Researcher, Planner, Visionary, Thinker, Factual2. EMERALD: Highest Value is Relationship. Empathetic, Peacemaker, Nurturing,Compassionate, Spiritual, Intuitive, Good Listener, Helper, Cooperative, Sympathetic3. RUBY: Highest Value is Order. Responsible, Achiever, Organized, Faithful,Committed, Conservative, Punctual, Traditional, Dependable, Rule follower4. SAPPHIRE: Highest value is Freedom. Adventurous, Risk Taker, Skillful, Creative,Artistic, Generous, Enthusiastic, Spontaneous, Free Spirit, Out of the BoxC. FACILITATING AND TESTIMONIAL COUPLES talk about their spouse’sgem that is dominant in their relationship. They also talk about their personalities beingcomplementary with something like “This wonderful personality that we each have adds agreat source of richness to our relationship, often adding dimensions or traits that we may belacking, or reinforcing a commom trait between us. Each of us has a unique lens on the worldwhich can be confusing to our spouse at times. But most importantly, our qualities are highlyattractive to our spouse, and a continuing source of discovery and joy in our marriage. Bysharing and reflecting on all of our unique qualities we can see how wonderfully God createdus. In our marital relationship we can choose to discover more about each other as we sharethe different facets of our personality.)D. COUPLE EXERCISE AND PRIVATE TIME Introduce the exercise on page 4of the Couple Booklet. Give the directions as in the booklet and set up the private coupletime. Ask the couples to share their responses to both of the exercises and take some timeto plan for the small group sharing by deciding which gem is their spouse’s strongest intheir relationship, and what are the qualities that they are most attracted to in theirspouse.E. SMALL GROUP SHARING Have each spouse share with the group theirspouse’s gifts and qualities that make up their unique, complementary couple personality,as well as their spouse’s gem that shines the brightest in their relationship.BREAK (10 MINUTES)MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 16

SECTION 3LEADER PRESENTATION AND TESTIMONIAL GUIDE (Continued)(Recommend the Facilitating and Testimonial Couples use this guide to write the presentations out in full.Husband and wife alternate covering the points of each of the presentations.)IV. OUR JOURNEY AS A COUPLE(60 minutes including 15 minutes for presentation, 5 minutes for Couple Testimonial,20 minutes for Small Group Sharing, 20 minutes for Couple exercise)FOCUS (Page 5 and 6 in Couple Booklet) This presentation is about the married couple’s journeyfrom courtship to present day. Facilitating and Testimonial Couples share their story of romance, engagementand wedding day including their hopes and dreams. Participants then share at their table theirstory of their romance and wedding. The Facilitating Couple continues with a sharing of how they havegrown as a couple by handling the challenges of life together. Focus is on the positive strategies used tokeep the passion and dreams alive. The exercise helps couples identify the ways they have worked together.The couple then has private time to develop a plan for couple growth.A. WHEN WE GOT MARRIED we become something special and different—we become acouple, and we each have a unique story and relationship. Just as there is no other person just likeus, there is no other couple just like us.B. WE BEGAN OUR JOURNEY as a couple during our courtship. We were attracted toeach other both physically and emotionally. We discovered each other’s qualities and shared thesame values. We were full of passion for each other and our relationship. Facilitating andTestimonial Couples share their romance, engagement and wedding.C. SMALL GROUP SHARING Couples take 20 minutes to share with others at their tablethe story of their romance, engagement and wedding.D. WE GROW AS A COUPLE by rising to the challenges of marriage that we encounter inour own unmet expectations, as well as the pressures of skewed social thinking. Each of us havedealt with these challenges in our own way—we followed our basic good instincts about love andrelationship. We found ways to work through our differences, and the stresses of work, finances,children etc. We found ways to keep communicating in the safe zone and have some level ofintimacy. Some days, months and even years were better than others, but we have hung in therebecause we love each other and are committed to make our marriage the best it can be.MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 17

SECTION 3LEADER PRESENTATION AND TESTIMONIAL GUIDE (Continued)(Recommend the Facilitating and Testimonial Couples use this guide to write the presentations out in full.Husband and wife alternate covering the points of each of the presentations.)IV. OUR JOURNEY AS A COUPLE (Continued)E. FACILITATING COUPLE CONTINUES with a sharing of the strategies they haveused over the years to keep their relationship passionate. Testimonial Couple also shares theirstrategies and tools as well. This sharing should include all strategies listed and others as needed.1. Communicating feelings in an honest and loving way (talking in the safe zone)2. Making decisions based on what is most life giving for the relationship (win‐win)3. Staying physically close and affectionate outside of the bedroom, so that activity in thebedroom is really lovemaking.4. Fighting for our relationship and fighting fair (includes list of tips for fighting fair—especially staying close physically. Touch on the need for listening and patience to avoidfrustration.5. Making daily choices to love our spouse despite how we may be feeling at the moment.6. Making daily choices to ask for and give forgiveness.7. Being each other’s biggest supporters, fans, best friends and encouragers.F. COUPLE EXERCISE AND PRIVATE TIME Give directions for completing theexercise on page 6 in the Couple Booklet. Have couples use their private time after the exercise tomake their own list of strategies they have used during their marriage to stay passionate. Suggestthat the couples share about these strategies during their lunch break.MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 18

SECTION 3LEADER PRESENTATION AND TESTIMONIAL GUIDE (Continued)(Recommend the Facilitating and Testimonial Couples use this guide to write the presentations out in full.Husband and wife alternate covering the points of each of the presentations.)V. OUR JOURNEY WITH GOD(45 minutes including 10 minute for presentation, 5 minute Testimonial, 15 minutecouple exercise and private time, 15 minute group sharing)FOCUS (Page 7 and 8) This presentation is about how we have invited God to be a part of ourmarried journey. We share how He provides us with the perfect example of unconditional love. We recognizethe gift of our Sacrament of Matrimony and its graces. The concept of “choice” is developed, andwe share the specific ways we keep God in our marriage. The importance of prayer is presented andthere is a teaching on the rosary and other prayer forms that can be done as a couple. The presentationconcludes with the couples developing a plan for enhancing their couple spirituality and share their planat their table.A. IS GOD IN OUR MARRIAGE? This presentation begins with a recognition that at sometime or other every married couple has invited God to be a part of their marriage. It might havebeen unspoken or taken for granted, but every couple present would not be there unless this hadhappened sometime in their married journey.B. WE ARE LOVEABLE AND DEEPLY LOVED BY GOD He loves us so much that Hemade us in His image, and he has given us the perfect example of total unconditional, passionatelove. God knows that intimate and responsible relationship is the only road to true, fulfillinghappiness, so He gives us His special graces in our Sacrament of Matrimony to help us on ourjourney of passion.C. WE MAKE DAILY CHOICES TO LIVE PASSIONATELY in our marriage and thatmeans that we make our marriage our absolute first priority. All of our other relationships flowfrom our unity as a couple. God doesn’t want us to lose our identity, but to bring our full, lovingindividuality to our relationship.D. WHEN GOD IS PART OF OUR MARRIAGE, we become equal partners, equallyresponsible for the quality of our relationship. We are on the same path, working towards thesame goals of intimacy and passion. We know that only God loves perfectly, but we are striving tolove each other unconditionally—to be the best couple we can be.E. COUPLE PRAYER—praying with and for each other—is a vital tool in our marriage.Testimonial Couple gives teaching about rosary and other prayer forms to build spiritual intimacy.F. FACILITATING AND TESTIMONIAL COUPLES share about the tools they use tocreate passion and intimacy using list on page 8. Couples have 15 minutes to do the exercise andshare with each other. Couples share their Couple Plan in small groups.MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 19

SECTION 3LEADER PRESENTATION AND TESTIMONIAL GUIDE (Continued)(Recommend the Facilitating and Testimonial Couples use this guide to write the presentations out in full.Husband and wife alternate covering the points of each of the presentations.)VI. OUR PASSIONATE JOURNEY CONTINUES(45 minutes including 10 minutes for presentation, 5 minutes for Testimonial, 15minutes exercise and private time, 15 minute small group sharing)FOCUS (Page 9 in Couple Booklet) This presentation is about how couples share their love.Couples are reminded of their calling in their Sacrament of Matrimony to share their love and gifts withothers. The challenges and rewards of working together are discussed. The Facilitating and TestimonialCouples share personal examples of how they reach out as a couple and the obstacles they overcome todo that. Couples are given an opportunity to develop their couple plan for reaching out as a couple.A. WE ARE NOT JUST A COUPLE FOR US—we are a Sacrament for others. We haveto share our love with others because “love isn’t love until you give it away” We are called by Godto use our gifts as a couple to infect our little part of the world with our passion and love. Thismeans that we have to be involved with others in spreading Jesus’ love.B. IT IS CHALLENGING TO WORK TOGETHER—it takes longer, and we may havevery different styles. But when we rise to this particular challenge we are increasing the passionand intimacy in our marriage, and it is twice the fun.C. FACILITATING AND TESTIMONIAL COUPLES share how they reach out as acouple, and the specific ways that their relationship has grown because of their efforts. Thisincludes the involvements in community, but also the small ways we learn to do things as a couple.D. COUPLE EXERCISE AND SMALL GROUP SHARING Couples complete exerciseand share responses with their spouse privately. The group sharing focuses on a “Couple Plan” forreaching out as a couple.WRAP UP AND PASSION CEREMONY The wrap up includes some large group sharing onsomething significant that has happened in their relationship during the enrichment day. This time is alsovery useful to complete the Evaluation included in the Couple Packet. The Passion Ceremony includes aspecial blessing of couples and presentation of prayer cards or some other memento of the day. (Veryoften the Passion Ceremony takes place in the Saturday evening Vigil Mass in order to save time.MARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 20

FOUR FAST FACET FACTSEXCAVATION OF SELFWE ARE ALL UNIQUE INDIVIDUALSWE ARE ALL A BLEND OF THE FOUR FACETS OF PERSONALITYWE ARE ALL LOVEABLEAPPRECIATING OUR OWN UNIQUE CHARACTERISTICSHELPS US TO SEE THE BRILLIANCE IN OUR SPOUSE AND OTHERSBUFFING OUR COUPLE RELATIONSHIPLOVING MY SPOUSE IS A CHOICE I MAKE EVERY DAYIN DISAGREEMENTS, STAYING PHYSICALLY CLOSE LETS LOVE WINCHOOSING LOVING WORDS SHOWS MY SPOUSE RESPECTAPOLOGIZING ISN’T ENOUGH—ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS IS EVERYTHINGPOLISHING OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD’S PRESENCEMARRIAGE IS A GIFT FROM GODGOD WANTS TO BE IN THE CENTER OF OUR RELATIONSHIPGOD WANTS US TO BE THE BEST COUPLE WE CAN BEGOD WANTS US TO BE “MARRIED AND LOVING IT!”SETTING OUR RELATIONSHIP IN THE COMMUNITYOUR SACRAMENT IS AN EXAMPLE TO OTHERS OF GOD’S LOVELIVING IN LOVE MODELS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPFOR OUR CHILDRENGIVING BACK TO THE COMMUNITY AS A COUPLEHELPS OTHERS TO EXPERIENCE GOD’S LOVEWHEN WE ARE “MARRIED AND LOVING IT” OTHERS WANTTHAT FOR THEIR MARRIAGE TOOMARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 21

EVALUATION(Please complete this evaluation as a couple)1. What are the most important things we learned about our marriage as a result of our time together today?2. Would you recommend this program to your married friends and family?3. If your answer is yes to question two, what would you say in testimony about the MARRIED AND LOV-ING IT program to encourage others to attend?4. Using your first names and number of years married, would you be willing to have your testimonyshared in a printed brochure to invite others to the program? If so, please provide this information below.FIRST NAMES AND NUMBER OF YEARS MARRIEDMARRIED & LOVING IT!(MOST OF THE TIME)© 2006 David & Lucy Snyder for Worldwide Marriage EncounterPage 22