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Pandora’s Aquariumwww.PandorasAquarium.orgVolume 1, Issue 1A New Year and a New Era– Letter from the PresidentMarch 2009Inside this issue:New Programs 2Book Review 2Survivor Creativity 2Member’s Corner 3Staff Corner:Interview4Take 5: Q&As 5Support Article 6Healing Exercise 6By: ShannonThis February marked thefifteenth anniversary ofwhen I was raped atage 15. This is a new era forme - as of last month, I havespent the majority of my lifeas a rape survivor. Fifteenyears ago, I couldn't havespoken the words out loud.Now, I am willing to tell afriend or a televisionaudience. I thought my lifewas over; it turns out that ithadn't yet begun.As this new yearcommences, I am proud tolead an organization thathelps thousands of rape andsexual survivors realize thattheir lives are far fromover. In 2008, nearly 5,000people registered newaccounts at the Pandora'sAquarium message board,and thousands more foundsupport through a quarter ofa million new posts. Welaunched the Sexual AssaultLending Library to ensurethat all survivors have accessto resources. And to providethe framework to improveand expand our programseven more, Pandora'sAquarium received 501(c)(3)status from the IRS.In 2009, we hope to reacheven more people in need ofsupport. At this time, werely solely on donationsfrom individuals to cover alloperating expenses. Weespecially thank those of youwho donated in 2008.Whether you gave $5 or$100, your donation trulymade a difference.Now that the 15thanniversary of my rape haspassed, I am thankful for thisnew era – I am glad thatresources exist now thatweren't availablewhen I was assaulted, andthat a survivor only needs acomputer and internetconnection to find acommunity ofcompassionate and caringindividuals who simplyunderstand. Though wecannot end rape andsexual abuse today, we canhelp all survivors find thetools they need toheal. Each volunteer andmember is an important partof that goal, and togetherwe can truly make adifference.Never doubt thata small group ofthoughtful,committedcitizens canchange the world.- Margaret MeadNew ProgramsBy: JesIn the eight years I’ve beeninvolved with Pandora’sAquarium as a memberand moderator, it hasgrown from a smallmessage board and chatroom into an innovativenon-profit organizationstaffed by a team of 50volunteers, dedicated tooffering members a varietyof services. Pandora’sAquarium has developedan extensive array ofprograms for survivors ofsexual violence and theirloved ones. Within thepast year, guest speakershave been introduced, aninternet-based lendinglibrary has been launchedand this October,Pandora’s Aquarium issponsoring its first everhealing retreat.Guest SpeakersAt least quarterly, the chatroom hosts guest speakerswho provide informationand field questions abouttheir areas ofexpertise. These popularchats are geared towardsexual violence recovery,and speakers have includedhealing inspirations,authors, and activists.Continued Page 2

Volume 1, Issue 1 Page 4Staff Corner: Interview with KatyObviously, aswith anything,there arelimitations towhat thiscommunity canprovide for itsmembers. If I wasto have a magicwand, I wouldlove to have achat room thatcould bemoderated 24/7!By: Stephanie*Katy has since become aboard moderatorFirstly can you tell as a bitabout yourself?I am a survivor of prolongedsexual abuse between the agesof 7 and 27 – and alsoacquaintance rape as a youngadult. I have tried hard not tolet my abusive experiencesdefine who I am, butundoubtedly theseexperiences are a part of mylife which I cannot and shouldnot deny.In my life, I work hard and Iplay hard! I have worked forthe past ten years as an RN inthe NICU where I have hadthe opportunity to care formany special babies andfamilies. When I am not atwork, I spend much of myspare time with my girlfriendof five years, and my twopampered pooches - mychihuahua who is somewhatof a diva, and my westie whois the more refined of thetwo! My passion isphotography and travel, andas anyone who knows me willtell you, my suitcase is alwayspacked awaiting the nextadventure!How did you findPandora's Aquarium andhow do you feel the boardhas contributed to yourhealing?Before coming to Pandora’sAquarium, I had searchedmany times for online helpand support – and it was onlywhen I stumbled upon Pandysin September 2006 that I trulyfelt I had found somethingvery special. Since then,Pandy’s has become anintegral part of my dailylife – because the innatesense of value, acceptanceand understanding that thecommunity promotes, hashelped me to get throughsome very tough times. Ithink most importantly,Pandy’s gave me a voicewhen I felt I didn’t haveone – and learning to usethat voice has enabled meto go back to therapy, toask for help and supportfrom my loved ones, andto get some control backin my life.Can you tell us aboutwhat your role aschatterator involves?I assumed the role of“Chatterator” in January2008. I lead a fantasticgroup of chat mods, andcollectively we strive toensure that the chat roomis kept safe and secure forall who want to use it.There are many survivorchat rooms online, but Ibelieve that the dedicationshown by the chat modteam contributes tomaking our chat room oneof the most supportive. Inaddition to this, I help toensure that we haveseveral moderated topicchats every month wheremembers can discusscertain aspects of theirhealing in a more detailedand structured manner. AsChatterator, I wouldalways encouragemembers to contact me ifthey had a concern,comment or query aboutthe chat room.The experience of beingchatterator has had its upsand downs, but I do notregret accepting thisposition for a second andfeel very honoured to beable to give somethingback to a community thathas helped me so much.If there were nolimitations what dreamaddition would youmake to the board?I believe there are reallyexciting changes andadditions to Pandy's goingon at the moment and, asPandy’s is growing, Iwould love every survivor,wherever they are in theworld, to know about thePandy’s community andhave the chance to be apart of it!Obviously, as withanything, there arelimitations to what thiscommunity can providefor its members. If I was tohave a magic wand, Iwould love to have a chatroom that could bemoderated 24/7! I alsolove the concept thatPandora's Aquariumsurvivor camps couldbecome a reality for allmembers.What are your personalhopes for the future?I hope that my lifecontinues to ascend in thesame positive way that ithas for the past few years.I spent the vast majority ofmy early life feeling afraid,ashamed, and alone – andnow, in my mid thirties, Ihave suddenly felt that Ihave a life worth living. Ihope to be happy – andit’s as simple and ascomplicated as that!

Volume 1, Issue 1 Page 5Take 5: Questions and Answers with Haullie FreeBy: Shannon1) You've done a lot of work forsurvivors, beginning with Voices ofStrength. Can you tell us more aboutyour new project, Survivor Radio Cafe?I'm glad you asked! This is an online radioshow hosted by author GingerGillenwater and myself. This show isgeared toward survivors of any trauma.This could include sexual abuse, domesticviolence, self-injury, mental illness,cancer, chronic illness and so on. We hostsome fantastic shows, interviewingauthors, poets, musicians, pioneers in thesurvivor community and anyone who ismaking an effort to empower the lives ofothers. The radio show airs every Sundayat 7:00PM PST and we've had so manyinspirational guests and topics thus far.Guests like Lynn Tolson, Angela Shelton,Rosalie Malter, Liza Lee & LawrenceDoochin. We've also had some "edutainable"topics on the show; such as selfinjury,borderline personality disorder,Child & teen trafficking, male survivors, alive festival show and survivormeditation. Every show will keep thelistener coming back to educate and healthemselves one gifted person at a time.We believe hope needs a voice. TheSurvivor Radio Cafe is a piece of thatworld-wide voice that is growing everyday.2) What made you decide to becomeactive in raising awareness aboutsexual abuse?It all started when I was about 16 yearsold. I read a traumatic book that mademe see that what was going on in my ownlife was not "normal" at all. The book wascalled 'A Child Called It' By: David Pelzer.It was the tragic yet inspirational story ofa young boy who suffered his first 13years of life through some of the worstchildhood abuse and neglect imaginableby the hands of his Mother. After readingthe book; returning it to the library feltwrong, I felt connected to this boy. I feltin some way my eyes were finally openedand that I did not have to feel responsiblefor the bruises and abuse I had sufferedfrom as a child growing up in manyviolent homes, from a family that knewnothing but how to beat their children inorder to gain superior authority andcontrol. In an instant I felt separated fromthis proverbial womb of violence and I hadbroken out...slowly. Yet for so many yearsstill I had to keep myself silent and so Icoded many of my feelings in lyrics andpoetry. I also listened to a lot of Tori Amos, Icried silently or alone in those teen years,only when it was time to go to bed and thelights were out; and so the story goes. Yet Ifound inspiration in those little things likemusic, lyrics, and in living dreams whichthankfully but awkwardly was encouragedout of me by my abusers.In 1999 I saw a 20/20 documentary thatfeatured Tori Amos, Shannon from Pandysand Kellie Greene from SOAR. It inspired meto visit the web site, 'Welcome To Barbados'.For the first time I felt propelled and inspiredto do something for survivors. Even if it wassimply by telling my story and showingothers that they are not alone. But what wasI searching for? Deep down I was looking foranswers, I wanted to know if I was trulyalone.3) What tips do you have for othersurvivors who want to take action to raiseawareness?•Definitely check out Stewards for Childrenif you are a parent or guardian. I believe thisprogram for parents and children'spreventative measures education andawareness is just the key for making ourfuture a better, more safer one for children.The program is set up by Darkness to Light(darkenss2light.org).•Communicate to congress and help pass orchange laws. Oftentimes all it takes is a massletter writing campaign. Pay attention whenthe news calls for action and do your part todo whatever it takes for this cause.•Create a website or blog; it's the biggestthing since reality TV! Except a whole lotmore functional. There are a plethora ofwonderful web hosts out there, learn how todesign easy web sites or set up a blog tohelp raise awareness.•Create an E-Magazine or newsletter; theonly way to stay connected is to get theword out.•Visit outdoor functions for survivors.Although there is a huge amount ofinformation on the internet today as wellas a lot of opportunity to speak out. It isvery healthy to get out and broaden yourhorizons. You can: visit a retreat forsurvivors, host a RAINN party event tohelp raise money for their nation-widehotline or your favorite charity, visitsurvivor art galleries, host documentaryviewing parties, book sharing parties, visithigh schools and crisis centers and speakout....or listen! The world is your oyster,you can shine!4) Who or what has been your biggestinspiration?I would have to say atthis point in time itwould have to bePlanet Earth from thedistance of the moonstaring back. It's quitebeautiful and majesticand yet still full of ahistory that is scarred with pain and“We believe hopeneeds a voice. TheSurvivor RadioCafe is a piece ofthat world-widevoice…”agony. Yet there is so much beauty I can'teven conceive of it's beauty, it's too big. Ihave had many inspirations, singers,friends, my husband, animals in theirnatural state of being...etc. However Ithink when I look back at an image of ourEarth I wonder sometimes what she'scontemplating. Does she feel safe yet?5) If you could tell survivors one thing,what would it be?Challenge yourself! Give yourself manychances, as many as it takes to dowhatever it takes for your healing. Neverlet anyone tell you that they know youbetter than you know yourself. You canheal the wounds from within. You mayalways remember, and sometimes it won'talways be easy, but it can get better. That Ican sincerely promise. You have apurpose; keep dreaming and keepemerging into the light.Haullie Free is 29 years old and lives inSunny California, Planet Earth. Learn moreabout her at www.voicesofstrength.org. Totune in at Survivor Radio Cafe, find out moreinfo here:voicesofstrength.org/survivorradiocafe ORwww.blogtalkradio.com/survivorradiocafe.

Volume 1, Issue 1 Page 6Reaching Out for SupportHealing Exercise: Drawing JournalBy: Jackie and JesSupport is very important to the healingprocess. Some survivors are lucky enoughto receive tremendous support after anassault, while others receive little or nosupport. Others may find that the strongsupport they initially receive wanes as thehealing process becomes longer. In onethread on our message board, we posed aquestion about support to our members:What is good support? What did you anddo you need from people? What did youneed them to know? What do you needthem to know? What can people do totruly be helpful?One thing that I wish people knew wasthat the process is not something thatis over and done with in a night or aweek. Sometimes I feel like peoplewatch SVU and think that the wholeshebang is seriously done in a week.My court process took THREE longYEARS. The interviews, phone calls,depositions and all that was involvedwere emotionally draining and reallykept my anxiety alive. Yet peopleseemed surprised that "it's still anissue." I wish people knew that youneed support sporadically as theprocess ebbs and flows.- A survivorI also wish people knew that PTSD isnot something that simplydisappears and sometimes thingshappen (like court, triggers) that canset it off or exacerbate it. I managemine really well and no longerneed support around it, butthere were times when it wouldhave been super nice if peopleunderstood more about it.- A survivorUnfortunately, it can be hard to findsupport for a variety of reasons.• Sometimes you know you want toreach out, but it is hard to say thatyou were assaulted and you needhelp to heal from it.• Many people have a difficult timeunderstanding sexual assault andthe issues surrounding it.• Some people may feel embarrassedor ill-equipped to talk about it.• Many are quick to blame victims ofsexual violence as a way of feelingsafer themselves, saying "Oh, well Iwouldn't have done x, y, or z so itwon't happen to me."To heal from sexual violence,supporters not only need tounderstand issues that presentthemselves to survivors, they alsoneed to be able to support thesurvivor for the duration of the healingprocess, which can be quitelengthy. When you are reaching out, itcan help if you tell the person exactlywhat you need. If you find yourselfstruggling to communicate your needfor support, consider providing yoursecondary supporter with thefollowing passage or writing your own.Sometimes there are experiences and feelingsthat we have that simply defy words. This iswhere other mediums come in to save theday (so to speak!)Materials needed:Unlined Journal or 7 sheets of unlined papercrayons or colored pencils or pastelsblending tool (optional)For one week, take five minutes each day tomake an entry into your drawing journal.Time yourself to ensure that you spend nomore and no less than 5 minutes on this.For the five minutes that you are working letcolor flow out onto the paper, however itwants to, to capture your thoughts/feelings/experiences. It is not about drawing a perfectpicture, rather it is about sensing what color/syou are drawn to and how it wants to comeout on paper. Let go and allow yourself toreally sense this. Simply allow your hands toflow with the color. Some of you may have apicture, some may have scribbles, some mayhave blended designs.At the end of the week review your sevendrawings. They will tell a story about you,about your week, about where you are.Reflect:1. What the experience was like for you?2. What story did your drawing journal tell?3. What did you discover from doing theexercise?*More healing exercises are available inPandy’s ‘reclaiming our lives’ forum.For Secondary Supporters:I survived something terrible and to heal from it, I need your support. What I needed right after my assault might not be whatI need now or two years down the road. Despite the way it is depicted on television and in books, healing is a lifelong processand doesn't always come with a tidy resolution.Healing is a process and often a very long one. During this process I will experience a wide range of emotions and strugglesand despite a desperate need for it, I may not know how to ask for support. In fact, I may push away the very people that Ineed the most. Don't let me! I may get angry and project that at people I love, but I don't mean it. I just don't know what todo with it. I may even seem fine or even tell you I am fine. Please care enough to find out if I really am.Sometimes I blame myself and worry that others will do the same and that prevents me from reaching out. Remind us that itwasn't my fault and that nothing I could have done would ever justify someone hurting me.Learn about my healing. That will help you support me because you'll know that PTSD is real and it can prevent me fromsleeping or eating. It can mean I'll cry because I heard a name, smelled cologne or saw someone who reminded me of whathappened. Understand that what happened was life changing and will be with me on some level for me entire life. It'll helpme feel like I'm not crazy and alone.Most of all, remember that it's still me. Don't be afraid to talk to me or hug me if I ask for it. Feel sorry that I've been hurt, butdon't pity me. What happened was horrible but it doesn't have to change who I are. It doesn't have to change myrelationship with you. I want more than anything to feel "normal" again. You can help me. I can do this alone but it would bea whole lot easier with you.