spotlight - The Taft School

E N D N O T Erupt racism more than we’ve been taughtto interrupt sexism. Racism exists, butwe’re much more alert to it. The boyswould shut up after a while because Iwas a really tough player, but it’s unfortunatethat because I was a girl theythought it was okay to make fun of me.When I came here to Taft I discoveredsomething that helped me in thisstruggle at the time, and that was alcohol.I liked the way drinking made me feel,because then I was out of my body and Iwas somewhat more free, at a time whenI didn’t like my body and what I was toldmy body meant as a girl in society.So one of my first weekends at TaftI drank a fair amount and blacked out,and my friends were trying to take care ofme and make sure no teachers saw mewhen we ran into this boy who told myfriends: I know how to sober her up,don’t worry, trust me. And he locked mein the piano room with him and his wayof sobering me up was by touching meand kissing me all over. My friends werepounding on the door, saying let her out,let her out, and it wasn’t until they saidthey were going to get my older brotherthat he finally decided to. And that wasmy initiation into Taft.While here I met many other boyswho were like that. And I also had experienceson the soccer team going for a runas a team around the football field andhaving the football team moo at us, ortrying to stand up to make an announcementin Bingham, being nervous andhaving all the boys go “tee-hee-hee, teehee-hee”when I would try to speak. Ialready didn’t feel very powerful about“[AtTaft] We shared power,[boys] respected me for my athletic ability,they respected me for my voice,they respected me for what I had to say.”my voice. I already felt it wasn’t strong,and to hear that only made it worse.But also when I came here, for thefirst time I had some amazing friendshipswith boys in my class. We sharedpower, they respected me for my athleticability, they respected me for my voice,they respected me for what I had to say.So while here I also gained confidenceand had relationships with men that Ihadn’t had before.What I want to say to some of theyoung men is, when you hear people talkabout sexism or feminism or dating violenceor date rape, or any of those things,not to get defensive, and not to feelblamed. It’s not your fault we live in asociety that is somewhat sexist, but toknow that as a man you have moreprivilege in this world than I do as awoman and with that privilege comesresponsibility, the responsibility to listento the voices of the women in your life.I’ll bet that every young man herehas some women in his life that he caresabout. Whether it’s a sister, a girlfriend,a mother, an aunt, I can guarantee youthat every single one of those women hasbeen the victim of sexual harassment.One out of three will be sexually assaultedbefore she’s 18. One out of threewill be the victim of dating violence—emotional, physical, or sexual control.One out of four will have an eatingdisorder before she graduates from college,and probably every single one ofthose women in your life has been on adiet at some point in her life or tried tochange her body. So as a man, you havea responsibility to try to listen to themand support them.What I want to say to young womenhere is to trust your instincts and to trustyour voice and not to be in competitionwith each other.What I want to say to the teachers isnever underestimate the power you havewith the lives of the young people thatyou are in contact with every day. Neverunderestimate the power of what you sayand how that will have an effect on them,but also what you don’t say and how thatwill also have an effect on them.“…trust your instincts,trust your voice and don‘t be incompetition with each other.”Christy Everett is the daughter of facultymembers Jol and Susan Everett. She livesin Portland, Maine, and is coordinator ofthe young adult abuse prevention programat the Family Crisis Center there.38 Summer 1999