Whats-Consent-Full-A41

3. Findings > 3.5. Scenario 4. Michelle & BenThese participants highlight the expectation that, in a relationship, it is reasonable to expect some explicitdiscussion to occur before moving into a new phase of sexual intimacy:RESP 2: …you always say “Look, do you want to do this?” or “Do you want to do this now?” or “Do you wantthis to…” like I think that’s not…and, you know, in general, if you’re going home someone from a night outthat that conversation doesn’t happen but they’ve never had sex before…RESP 3: Yeah.RESP 2: …so I think, because they’re in a relationship, that’s…that would…it’s the respectful thing to do.RESP 4: It’s big deal, like it should (F1)In this extract there is little credence given to the idea that Ben would be remorseful. His premeditation is indicativeof a rapist mentality, however one group member describes the possibility that he might mature over time:INT: And how do you think he might have felt about it afterwards, looking back in hindsight?RESP 3: Well, the fact that he was…that it was premeditated kind of makes me wonder as to whether reallyhe’d be that remorseful.RESP 2 & 4: Yeah.RESP 4: It doesn’t seem like he would be.RESP 2: Yeah, I have my doubts as well.RESP 3: Do you know? If…if it’s something which…it completely sounds like it’s something that he had planned so…RESP 2: I think he’s…he’s…like, it’s not an excuse but when you’re young as well, or that age, he might be lesslikely to kind of sit down and have a real think about himself and his role in it, you know, than he might be ina few years time, whereas I think the most likely scenario is she’s broken up with him, he’ll just be like “Oh…”RESP 4: “What can you do?”RESP 2: “…what can…”RESP 4: “Next”RESP 2: Yeah, next. (F1)Several of the reasons typically cited for Michelle’s uncertainty in labeling the event are described here –that she was in a relationship with Ben and that he did not have vaginal sex with her:INT: Eh…why do you think she feels uncertain about what to call what happened to her?RESP 8: She might think…RESP 9: Maybe because they’re in a relationship.SEVERAL RESPONDENTS: Yeah.RESP 2: It could be that eh…she’s…she’s not sure does this constitute rape. I think it does because he’s put hispenis inside her so I think it is rape like.INT: Do you reckon there’d be confusion arising from the relationship thing or would that make a difference?RESP 5: Well I mean I suppose there’s the expectation about if you’ve been going out with somebody that, youknow, you’ll have sex or whatever. But, I mean, just because expectations are there, like you know, there’s still…consent is still part of that negotiation but the fact is that there’s no, again like, there’s no consent there. (M2)Similar views are expressed in this female focus group:INT: And why do you think it is that Michelle feels uncertain about what to label what’s happened to her?RESP 7: Because she was technically in a relationship.RESP 2: Mmm.RESP 6: Yeah, it wasn’t a stranger.RESP 1: Because she…she didn’t really say no either so she’s probably confused.RESP 7: Well she did try to push him off.RESP 4: And because it wasn’t…she said it wasn’t…they never said anything about it being, like, full sex, thatmaybe she doesn’t see it as rape because it was only oral sex. Not only, but like, you know? (F4)Research Report : January 28th 201455