Michael BerberichMy Side of Paradise (continued)Now that I was thinking deeper thoughts I started asking myself much deeper questions, startingwith, “Does God have a sense of humor?” Most people never think about God’s sense of humor or if MontyPython is going to hell for giving us the Life of Brian. Besides, God invented sex and what could be funnierthan that? Not that I’m complaining or anything, but, seriously, there could have been much simpler ways tomake babies. I mean, there’s the ways we do it, or you can go on YouTube and watch giraffes do it. You endup thinking “no wonder giraffes are going extinct” and then wonder how they ever made it this far in the firstplace. But then again sometimes you wonder that about the whole human race, too.So I think God has to have a real funny bone if that’s what he set up for all creatures great and smallto have to go through to get it on. I considered calling the 1-800 number and asking if there were any reallygood jokes in the Bible. I can’t recall any, probably because I don’t read it that much. It’s nothing personalagainst God. I just don’t read anything that much, to tell you the truth, except for the sports pages onMonday and the fishing report on Friday. I could picture Jesus reading the fishing report, though. He wasthat kind of guy. And Mattie, she likes the coupons. I’ll have to ask her when we talk about religion if shethinks Mary full of grace would have been a coupon clipper. Probably.It was at the end of the show that I had, as they say in the biblical world, an epiphany. Maybe youknow that gospel song “Jesus Hits Like an Atom Bomb.” It was sort of like that. It hit me all at once andI accepted the word of God into my soul. With just a few minutes before my football game came on, thepreacher quoted St. Paul’s letter to the Philippians. In Philippians 4:8 St. Paul writes, “if there is anythingworthy of praise, think about these things.” So I did.Naturally the first two things that came to mind were beer and sex, not necessarily in that order. Thenthere’s football. I began to realize that maybe religion had been getting a bum rap. I thought who’s reallyto say what’s right or wrong? The U.S. Supreme Court, for crying out loud, hardly ever agrees on what thewords mean. I discovered that’s actually one of the things I like about religion. Everybody is free to justhave their own way of seeing things. This is America. If you’ve got a problem you just settle it with a vote orwalk away and start your own religion. It’s a free country. And you get a tax break to boot. I liked that linein Philippians so much I had it tattooed on the inside of my right arm. Since then it’s made me feel totallyrighteous and at one with the word of God. It’s a good feeling, to tell you the truth.Following my atom bomb epiphany moment, I felt the Holy Spirit guiding me to my Raiders - Ramsgame, so I switched the channel. The Holy Spirit put me in such a good spirit I called Turnip out of hisroom. “Go get me another beer and bring us a bag of chips. You can sit on my lap and we can watch thegame together now that you’ve quit your sniveling.” The little twerp dragged his arm across his nose andran happily off to the kitchen to fetch me another beer. He’s a good kid, basically. Minds me most of thetime—unlike his mother who has, as they say, a mind of her own. But she’s worth keeping, too. Familytogetherness, that’s what I call it. Better backsplash and peace in the valley. That’s the name of the gamethese days, the meaning of life.Now I know I may not exactly be a biblical scholar, but there’s one thing I can tell you: God loves asinner. It’s a good thing to know.36
An Interview with Charlie BaylisA Young Man of PromiseErin O’Neill Armendarez, Aji Editor in Chief, went a coupleof rounds with poet and critic Charlie Baylis in search of Puck’smagical flower. Earnest questions, dubious replies,and (one might assume) a fair amount of ginproduced the following interview. Enjoy!Erin: How and when did you realize youwere a poet?Charlie: I am not a poet. Nor wouldwelcome being called a poet. Ithink young writers need torealize just how much workprofessional poets put intobecoming what they are. Oncethe label ‘poet’ slipped on the glasstiles of the internet suddenlyany fool with a keyboard and atwitter account became a ‘poet’.I don’t think that’s fair. Pleasecall me a poet in 20 yearswhen I’ve achieved somethingin poetry, for now just call mea social worker (it’s my fulltime job) and a young manof promise.Erin: How and where doyou find your inspiration?Charlie: I find it comesin all shapes and sizes.Movie stars in glossymagazines, being drunk,Miley Cyrus videos,Tennessee Williamsand F. Scott Fitzgerald,Paris and Rome, Cubanpop art, the surrealist37
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