Issue 1: October 11/12 - Warringah Cricket Club

Men In Green – Issue #1Friends IndeedBy Steven J BoomchuckFacebook is a wonderful thing, re-uniting old friends, school mates andfamily members from across the globe. However it can deliver personalblows to the individual on occasion as some people are found tobecome too involved in the online network. One of Warringah cricketclubs senior players has a very graphic and brutal recollection of suchan incident.Rewind back to season 2010/11. First grade ‘keeper Brad “LB” Lewisrecalls how great the feeling was amongst the young club.“We had just launched our Tim Creer 5 th grade side made up ofyoungsters, it was great to have them around, so much energy.” Lewisrecalls.Alexander - Calculated“A lot of them were quite nervous as they were new to the club and seniorcricket so the best way to get them involved was have a chat to them at trainings and stuff and ofcourse, become facebook buds.”Before he knew it Lewis has many new friend requests flooding in from the young players, it was allhappening, his friend list was expanding by the 10’s and things were good.Little did he know that his friend count would soon start plummeting the other way.Enter Sam Alexander, the man at the centre of the scandal. “Essay” as he is known down atWarringah is a cool kid, the life of the party, the funny man and the one that the youngsters look upto. Lewis recalls that he and Alexander became facebook friends back in 2009.“Essay had his first year at the club and did great things, such a little champion on and off the field, agenuinely funny young kid.”“I instantly knew there was only one thing to do, add him as a facebook friend. Having him on mybooks is a huge asset, always delivering the lols with his witty updates and comments on peoplespages, and although I didn’t understand half of what he and his mates were saying it was great tohave him as a facie friend.Fast forward to 2011. Alexanders popularity was on the rise, now trialling at Manly in the hope ofmaking the grade for the upcoming season, he had somewhat of a cult following with many of theyoung juniors looking up to the local funnyman.LB recalls the day his world tumbled down.“I was having my usual check of facebook on my phone while on the toilet at work and I noticed aconversation on Sam Gainsfords wall, the boys were chatting about getting their first facial hair orsomething, anyway not important.”www.meningreen.com.au

Men In Green – Issue #1I noticed Essay had chimed in with his usual comedy gold one linerand I clicked on his name as I wanted to check out his page as Ihadn’t done so in a while, then it hit me.”Lewis stared at the 3 little words on Alexanders page for whatseemed like an eternity in shock and dismay.Add as friend“What?! I couldn’t believe it, I thought there must’ve been a mistake,maybe facebook was experiencing an error or something so I shutdown the app and restarted it only to find the same thing, it wouldn’teven let me see his wall.” Lewis said, holding back tears.LB – shocked and dismayed Lewis then realised what had happened. With Essay’s risingpopularity and a cap on facebook friend limits Alexander had clearly performed a “friend cull” withLewis unfortunately not making the cut.“It just hurts man,” Lewis stated.“I mean I thought we were close enough to warrant an unblemished facebook friendship.”With the loss of Alexanders friendship Lewis went on a friend campaigning spree to try and boost hisnumbers with little success.“I tried every trick in the book, trying to add friends of friends, distant relatives, anyone, but I didn’t getmany positive responses.”MIG approached Alexander for comment only to be denied, however he did mention that Lewis’sconstant posting of pictures of his dog “webber” didn’t help his case.As it stands Alexanders friend count has ballooned out to a whopping 25,674 friends while Lewis’scount is languishing at a mere 53 friends.“He was my big fish, the one I wanted to retain but now I just don’t know what point there is incontinuing my facebook journey.”“I immediately re-requested his friendship hoping that he had just mistakenly deleted me orsomething.”The friend request is still pending……….Scotty and Pecar’sNew Music CollaborationThey took me on a gingerjourney – Rolling StoneWho would’ve thought tworeds make a right –MixmagIN STORES NOW!!!MIG Player # of Manly Daily MentionsCraig Rupert 5Brett Curry 3Matt Butcher 2Steve Ware 1Roger Curry 0www.meningreen.com.au

Men In Green – Issue #1Green men to be treated to another Tabrett signingClub spokesman Nigel Jobsman is proud to announce that Warringah will bewelcoming first grade opening batsmen Dan Tabrett’s brother Jason to theclub. Formerly a Mac Uni lower grader, Jason will be welcomed to the clubwith open arms.Reasons why the Tabrett signing was so highly sought after by club PresidentRory Nigel Wightley are hazy however it is believed Marg “Tabby treats”Tabrett has something to do with it.“I keep hearing how awesome Mrs Tabby’s treats are and that the first gradeboys get all the spoils.” Wightley stated.Bassett – Treat farmer“Apparently Mrs Tabby spends one week with MIG 1 st grade watching Danplay and the second week with Mac Uni watching her other son Jason play and there are Tabbytreats a-plenty being distributed to both teams.”Sources can reveal that once Jason is picked at Warringah, Rory plans on having a word to secondgrade skipper Freddy Bassett where the pair will hope to find a spot for Tabby #2 in the team.With their cunning plan is appears that the boys in second grade will also have a consistent supply ofthe sumptuous Tabby treats for the rest of the season.Burwood cricket clubs online math calculator estimates that Bassett and Wightley will consume up to1248 treats each by seasons end. You can do the math on the calories but it is a situation which hasWCC’s resident personal trainer Brett “butter chicken” Curry licking his lips.Thankyou to all our sponsors!!!www.meningreen.com.au

Men In Green – Issue #1Want a massive triangle torso? Keen to havestupidly big lats that look like wings? Thenlook no further! Resident roid monkey Ethan“Lat wings” Collett provides his step by stepguide on how to get beefed up for thesummer ahead.“Hey green men! Yes I have massive arms and stuff but the lat wings are where its at now! Big lats and traps arethe new biceps baby! That Tabby homo can do bicep curls all he wants and although curls get the curls, big latscrack blokes fats! Follow my personal back weights routine and in 6 weeks you’ll be ready for summer with yourtriangle torso looking so fine that no one will notice your chicken legs! Yeah buddy!”Deadlift – A cracker of a back exercise, this one worksyour entire back and legs including your lats and trapswhich is where we want the gains. Load up that barbellwith a heavy enough weight for 8-10 reps and get crackingfor 3 sets. Admire your lats in the mirror during rest breaks.You jelly of my lats brah?Bent over Barbell Rows – A classic lat builder! Grab abarbell hands shoulder width apart and bend your back toa 45 degree angle to the flow and lift the bar up straightto your stomach. Squeeze your back muscles for asecond at the top to maximise peak lat contraction. Gofor 3 sets of 10 reps. Whats that? You mirin’ my latsbrah?T-Bar rows – similar to the bent over row this will hit yourlats and traps in a big way. Load up the bar with a weightyou can move comfortably for 8-10 reps across 3 sets.Really squeeze those lats at the top of the movement, don’tbe surprised if your lats start popping out the side of yoursinglet after this one, giddy up!!Lat Pulldowns – The granddaddy of lat exercises, I can safely saythat I wouldn’t have the enormous lat wings that I have today withoutthis exercise, love it!! Attach the straight bar and take a wide grip andpull down to your chest. Work for 3 sets of 10 reps at a mediumweight, however if that hot chick you’ve been perving on in the gymwalks past always be sure to put the pin down a few notches so itlooks like you’ve just smashed out a set at a really heavy weight –she WILL be impressed.Wide grip pullups – Another massive lat gainer, one of the best as it’s a purebodyweight exercise. With a double overhand grip grab onto a chin up barwith a wide grip and perform 3 sets until fatigue, each time try and go a fewmore reps, these days I normally max out at 2500 reps but just do your best.Any time you see a bar when you’re out and about don’t miss the opportunityto jump up and do a set of pullups, great way to give yourself an instant latpump! In fact just the other day I was walking past a playground and kicked akid off the monkey bars and busted out 150 reps, you mirin’ my pullups brah?www.meningreen.com.au

Men In Green – Issue #1Garth ManganNickname/s MangoesCricket Skills Top order bat and wicket creeperOccupation Nurse (not the naughty fishnet wearing kind)StrengthsCan talk the ear off a leper, happy go lucky chapWeaknesses Won’t let go of his camera, possible peeping tomFavourite food MangoesFavourite TV Show ER, Greys Anatomy, Dr Phil, A country practiseFavourite Movie Meet the Parents, Meet the FockersFavourite Song Take a dirty picture – Taoi CruzMarital Status SingleCatchphrase “Yeah man, awesome man, sounds good man, man!”Favourite Pastime Taking pics of naked wome… err nature and cricket shotsWill ShawNickname/s Jack Vidgen, Willy, Golden RetrieverCricket Skills Opening bat, wicket creeperOccupation School kidStrengthsVocal ability, chasing balls out of the netsWeaknesses Chasing parked cars, needs a haircutFavourite food Any thing mum cooks (except the brussel sprouts)Favourite TV Show Australia’s Got TalentFavourite Movie The BodyguardFavourite Song I have Nothing – Whitney HoustonMarital Status Going out with a hottie in year 9Catchphrase “Thankyou Australia for all your support!”Favourite Pastime Singing, writing songs, vocal exercisesAnthony CarusoNickname/s Adam Sandler, Happy Gilmore, Bobby Boucher JrCricket Skills Opening bowler, lower order tonksmanOccupation Motivational speakerStrengthsTentatious, intense, talks crapWeaknesses Too intense, talks crapFavourite food SubwayFavourite TV Show Saturday Night LiveFavourite Movie Happy Gilmore, Billy madison, Click, WaterboyFavourite Song But it all was bullshit – wedding singerMarital Status Girlfriend (been with her for one glorious year)Catchphrase “That’s quality H 2 O” “You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?”Favourite Pastime Playing golf with a hockey stickGeoff TuckerNickname/s Tux, maximus, mud gutsCricket Skills Slow dibblesman and top order batOccupation Fixer of poo jobbiesStrengthsFunny touretts outbursts, swearsman, good drinkerWeaknesses Swearsman, hiding half drunk beers in potplantsFavourite food Sober – meat n 3 veg, Drunk – 3 Big macsFavourite TV Show Footy showFavourite Movie Eddie Murphy “Delirious”Favourite Song Dr Feelgood – Motley CrueMarital Status MarriedCatchphrase “F$&&%^$ing C%(*^%^ F&^%$*&%ers”Favourite Pastime Burgling charity golf comps, watching Manly grandfinal win re-runs on tellywww.meningreen.com.au

Men In Green – Issue #1Winning EntryWhat’s worse than cracking one through the covers, cracking two into your pants – Rory WightleyRunners Up Pecs was really shitting himself out there in the middle – Sam Alexander Poosman Khawaja – Paul Dolby “Waiting, one there, oops actually number two there” – Matt Anderson Whats Pecs full Name? Craig Roger Andrew Pecar – Bob Rollins Pecs knew it smelt like runs, just not sure how many – Rory Wightley "Yep definately runs there" – Rory Wightley Pecs was a true tri-colour player, a red haired man playing for the green men with brown jobs inhis pants – Richie Benaud “Great Shart!” – Tony Greig Pecs followed through beautifully on that one – James Trickey Runs! – Nigel Jobsman “I’m touching cloth!” – Austin PowersNext Weeks Caption Comp!Spot theDifferenceSend entries to LB on facebook!www.meningreen.com.au

Men In Green – Issue #1The boys in first grade have been the lucky recipients of two batches of Tabby treats thus far, in thisnew MIG featurette we will provide a snapshot of the goodies that have been baked up by Mrs T.Round 1Jersey Caramel Cookie - Moist traditional soft biscuit with amelted Jersey caramel on top. Serve with a cup of tea andpreferably eat at least 20-30 minutes prior to batting. Sensational.Choc coconut crunchie slice - Chocolate and dessicatedcoconut combined with chunks of crunchie bar. The chocolateand coconut is a match made in heaven but the addition of thehoneycomb takes this treat to the next level. Sensational flavourson the palate. Waiting....yum!Round 2Berry banana bread - A Tabby tweak on the traditional bananabread with added raspberries. The super moist loaf just melts inyour mouth (similar to the loaf that melted in Pecs pants lastweek). A top fibre rich treat, gigitty deliciousMint rocky road - Another Tabby tweak with mint jellies added toa traditional rocky road with yummy results. Served ice cold out ofthe cooler bag, this one is a great treat to devour while watchingMIG batsmen plunder a woeful Georges River bowling attack toall parts of the ground.Wedding Singer for Hire!!!If you have an upcomingwedding or bar mitzvahthen we have your man!Call him today on 1300-CARUSOLOOKSLIKEADAMSANDLERNeed a lift to the airport?Struggling to find a cab whileboozed in Mantown at 3am?Had a bingle and need sometransportation?Look no further! WCC has itsown resident cabbie VincentRehaan ready to go at yourservice!Give Vinnie a call on0410490728 to arrange ataxi booking!If you have no money that’scool, just be prepared tosupply a tasty nippleRehaan – Not justanother dodgy cabbiewww.meningreen.com.au

Men In Green – Issue #1"We can win without Shortus"WCC club coach David Gainsford remains upbeat about his clubschances of winning the Club Championship prospects, despiteonce again not having the services of Mark Shortus.David was quick to point out that while WCC does not have theRyder-esque built firebrand, none of the other Shires clubs havehim either."I am happy with the Clubs progress this season and to be honest Iam not thinking about Mark at this stage."FutureMark Shortus yesterday denied reports his playing hibernation hadended.Shortus - Queen of Tarts?He may have never picked up a bat in his life, but that did not stophim dispatching claims that he had been offered incentives to play at WCC this season over the cowcorner fence for six!But he did hint that he was in discussion with contacts at the club regarding a possible part time rolein the canteen.DenialWCC President and fellow pastry fancier Rory Wightley, has slammed suggestions that Queen ofHearts Mark Shortus has been offered a paid role within the Frank Gray Canteen.Noting that he himself has a ban (imposed by wife, Louise) on canteen duties due to his expandinggirth and the proximity to sausage rolls which comes with the job, Rory told reporters:"While we would welcome Mark's christian values to the club, it would be madness to put a man ofthat size in such a small canteen, and a good result for either party would be extremely unlikely."Dates To RememberFri 2 nd of December – WCC Golf Day$100 per person, includes breakfast,lunch, prizes and entertainment, getentries into LB ASAP!!Sat 10 th of December – WCC XmasPartySat 17 th of December – Back to WeldonDay for T20 round (1’s and 3’s at home)www.meningreen.com.au