TEENAGE SEX: What Should Schools Teach Children? Published ...

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Teachers rarely discuss sex itself, let alone how to have a satisfying sex life. They don'tpromote the idea that sexual rights are human rights, and never support the right of youngpeople under the age of consent to make their own choice about when they are ready for sex.Education about emotions and relationships is almost entirely absent.Homosexuality and bisexuality are likewise often neglected - leaving many lesbian, gay andbisexual pupils feeling isolated and confused, and without of any specific advice on HIVprevention for same-sex relations. Sexual prejudice, and the teasing and bullying of pupilswho don't conform to gender stereotypes, passes unchallenged in many schools.Given the widespread concern about sexual abuse, it is particularly disturbing that mostyoung people never get taught sexual assertiveness and how to deal with unwelcome sexualattentionThese failings point to the need for a radical overhaul of sex education to help resolve themany sexual and emotional problems experienced by young people - problems that oftencontinue into adulthood, causing lifelong personal distress. This essay argues that schoolsshould affirm the value and pleasure of human sexuality, empowering pupils with theknowledge, skills and confidence to make responsible choices that enable them to enjoy ahappy, healthy sex life.Mutual Respect, Consent and FulfilmentSchools cannot be moral-free zones where anything goes. There has to be some kind ofmoral framework for sex education, otherwise teachers would end up sanctioning all kinds ofdangerous, destructive behaviour: coercive and unsafe sex, domineering and violentrelationships. A moral framework is not, however, the same as a moralistic one. Both impartethical values but they differ in one very significant respect: a moralistic framework excludes,whereas a truly moral one is inclusive of different people with diverse backgrounds andlifestyles.Until very recent times, all sex education was overwhelmingly biased towards promotingheterosexuality, marriage, parenthood and traditional family life. Anything outside thisexclusive framework was either ignored or condemned. Knowledge of the full range ofconsensual sex and love was systematically suppressed. Young people who did not abide bythe prevailing sexual orthodoxy - such as gays and bisexuals - were marginalized and oftenended up feeling inadequate, guilty, rejected and self-loathing.This old-style monocultural sex moralism is now totally out of sync with our modernmulticultural society where there is a great diversity of cultures and communities, lifestylesand love-lives.Acknowledging these social changes is, however, no reason to lapse into anarchic moral
elativism. Instead, we need a new moral framework for teaching sex education that canencompass diversity while also giving young people guidance on how they are most likely tofind erotic and emotional happiness.This new moral framework involves three very simple principles: mutual respect, consent andfulfilment. In others words, when it comes to lust and love, treat others the way you would likethem to treat you. Don't have an egotistical, selfish, me-first attitude. Be thoughtful and caringtowards the other person. Never coerce or pressure a partner into doing something they don'twant to do. Make sure both of you get physical and psychological enjoyment. That's it!Simple, inclusive and moral - without being moralistic.These three principles constitute the basis of ethical sex and relationships. Partners shouldrespect each other, act with shared consent and give one another mutual fulfilment. Thisapplies universally, regardless of whether people are heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual;regardless of whether they are married, cohabiting or living apart; regardless of whether theyhave one partner or many partners; regardless of whether they are into one-night stands orcommitted relationships: and regardless of whether they have sex for love or sex for pleasure.The idea that sex within marriage has a monopoly of morality is untrue and offensive, and notjust to long-time cohabiting couples. Moral goodness can exist even in casual sex - providingthat is what both partners want, they treat each other respect, and give one another otherenjoyment.Basing sex education on this new moral framework of sexual and emotional mutuality givesyoung people many options. Instead of straight-jacketing them within an old-style moralismrevolving around wed-lock, each different individual is free to make their own choices basedon their own particular feelings, needs and desires. That is how it should be in a pluralistic,multicultural sexual democracy, where the right to be different is a treasured human right.All Sexualities Equally ValidWithin this new moral framework, sexual orientation is no longer an issue, since all sexualitiesbased on mutual consent, respect and fulfilment are equally moral and valid.Until now, however, sex education has been always premised on the doctrine of straightsupremacism and sexual apartheid. Heterosexuality has been presented as natural, superiorand worthy of exclusive legal privileges, such as the right to marriage. Conversely, ifmentioned at all, homosexuality and bisexuality have tended to be seen as inferior - if notdownright immoral - and therefore denied full acceptance and validation in the classroom.The legacy of this heterosexist bias has been the negation of the desires and affections ofqueer pupils, leaving many with feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness that oftencontribute to depression, truancy, academic under-performance and even attempted suicide.Teaching about sex has an ethical responsibility to challenge the prejudice that wrecks thelives of lesbian, gay and bisexual teenagers. While schools should not promote any sexualorientation, they certainly should encourage understanding and acceptance of other people -heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual.This means presenting the full facts about all three sexual orientations in a straightforwardand sympathetic manner. It also involves challenging homophobic attitudes in the school
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