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informed Family To smack or not to smack When one mother is caught smacking, Emily Jade discovers what other punishment mothers use At my mothers’ group a few weeks ago the subject of discipline was discussed after the TV program 60 Minutes aired a story on smacking. I’m pretty sure every mothers’ group discussed the exact same thing that day because the story was both disturbing yet heart-breaking. In case you didn’t see it, the story showed a single mother in Brisbane repeatedly smacking her four children and she defended her right to discipline them that way because she was their mother. Many saw her as an abuser; I saw a stressed-out single mum who needed a loving helping hand, and quite possibly a few hours of peace and quiet. Around a hot thermos of tea at the Roma Street Parklands we started discussing our methods of discipline for our kids. Me? With a child only nine months old I’m still in the denial stage that my sweet Millie Valentine will ever disobey me, but who am I kidding? 24 bmag.com.au I Read Brisbane’s Best The reality is that one day she will and so I listened intently to the mothers who have gone before me for some tips. Most agreed that confiscating a favourite toy was a lot more scary to a child than a swift smack on the backside, and sitting in the naughty corner was a good way to calm both the child and the parent before sitting down quietly to discuss the naughty action and the reason for the punishment. All agreed that the amount of time in the corner should be relevant to the age of the child and the same for how long a beloved toy is taken away. But the real key to the discipline was to address the behaviour and how it made you feel, such as “that was a naughty thing you did. When you do that it makes me sad/angry/scared” instead of comments like “you are very naughty!” or “why are you so naughty?” My friend Kristy, who works in therapeutic behaviour, insists the latter type of comment is more damaging to the child’s self-esteem and that praising good behaviour immediately and constantly is the most important thing to remember to do. For most children praising can be as small as smiles, kisses and words of encouragement or you can take it a step further with a marble jar to fill with a marble every time your child does something good. When it is full your child receives a treat of their choice. It’s equally good as a method of punishment, a marble may be taken out for bad behaviour, as long as it can be won back with an apology or better choices next time. However, all the mothers admitted that they were not immune from lashing out with the odd smack here or there, but in the end the only person it really hurt was them, as they felt terrible afterwards. Then one mum shared her dear old nana’s tip on smacking: if you are going to smack, always use a utensil like a wooden spoon and not EMILY JADE New mum and media personality your hand; that way the child associates the painful punishment with the stick and not the hand which is attached to the person they love most. I’m quite happy to leave the wooden spoon method in the ’70s where it belongs and let Millie associate cooking utensils with gleefully banging my Tupperware, and instead take advice from my mother who raised five children and now works in childcare. Establish what is willful disobedience over plain curiosity first because, let’s face it, we mainly discipline kids to keep them from harm’s way. Then, whatever your method, remember when punishing a child just bend their will a little but never break their spirit. Do you have a parenting question, topic or story to share? Email me at emilyjade@bmag.com.au
gorgeous FASHION + BEAUTY + HEALTH Top gear Brisbane’s fashion festival will showcase some of the nation’s best and brightest talent. Laura Nolan reports More than 50 big-name and emerging labels, retailers and designers will converge on Queens Park in the city to showcase their latest spring/summer collections over nine group shows at Mercedes- Benz Fashion Festival (MBFF) from 25 to 31 August. Last year around 20,000 people attended the festival and, as a result, the designers involved enjoyed a communal revenue spike of $1.6million. The festival has been hailed as a great platform to promote and support local talent and boasts a fantastic mix of emerging and experienced designers – some have taken part since the first festival in 2006. Loyal stalwarts Julie Tengdahl, Easton Pearson, Sacha Drake, Paul Hunt, Maiocchi and Pia Du Pradal all will be making their seventh appearance at the festival, an event not to be missed according to Lydia Pearson of Easton Pearson. “It’s Brisbane and it’s where we’re based and we want to show support for the local industry and we’ve had our whole professional lives here – so if we can’t support it who can?” Pearson and her design partner Pamela Easton are gearing up to show off two new ranges from their main collection as well as their youth collection, EP by Easton Pearson, both inspired by a modern, bright and “James-Bond looking” 1960s themed villa off the coast of France where the designers once stayed. There is also plenty of new talent at this year’s festival, which has crossed the river from South Bank to an official marquee in Queens Park hosted by Treasury Casino and Hotel. Making their MBFF debut are labels including Wil Valor, Ginger and Smart, Begitta, Molly and Polly Swimwear, Urbbana and Trelise Cooper. At almost two metres tall (six foot five inches), former National Basketball League player Mark Ferguson is the man behind tailormade menswear label Wil Valor. Milton-based Ferguson turned to fashion designing seven years ago out of necessity, after struggling to find clothing that fitted him and looked good. He’s hoping the fashion festival will help take the name Wil Valor to a wider audience after relying on word-of-mouth so far to drive business from his single studio outlet. “It’s time for us to get out and let people know about us,” he says. “[The collection] is very bold, it’s bright, it might not be everyone’s style but it’s a bit more of a catwalk style and a little bit more flamboyant.” Easton Pearson’s collections (examples pictured above) will feature at both group shows on 25 August starting 6.30pm and 8pm. Wil Valor will appear on 25 August at the group show starting 8pm. For program and tickets see www.mbff.com.au Read Brisbane’s Best I bmag.com.au 25
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