Page 18THE OSCARlOCTOBER 2013TUNDRA REVIEWBy Chris WhiteheadFinally, the fall is here - not the fallof civilization unfortunately (I feelthat all my gaming experience - especiallythe hundreds of hours spentplaying Fallout 3 - means I woulddo well in a violent post-apocalypticfuture) - rather, it’s that time of yearwhere, after months of stewing fromStar Trek: Into Darknessthe heat, my brain starts workingfluidly again and I become marginallyless grumpy... and my cynicismand sarcasm become significantlysharper. It’s also when almost everyTV series made in the last year getsreleased, so if there’s a show you’vebeen waiting for, just relax, it’ll beout sometime in the next few months(or MARCH - that’s when Gameof Thrones, season 3 will probablybe released). Just to throw outa few titles, I wrote these reviewsafter adding the following pile ofTV series to the store’s ever evolvingcollection: Revolution, season 1;Homeland, season 2; Luther, series3; Da Vinci’s Demons, season 1; TheBorgias, season 3; Spartacus: War ofthe Damned; and Big Bang Theory,season 6. That’s just the start, we’llbe getting an average of four seriesa week until the end of November.Of course, I’m not reviewing anyof those here - so many TV showscome out that I won’t finish watchingthem until February - but I havemanaged to squeeze in a few moviesbetween my episode binges. Who canreally just watch one episode withoutstarting the next one. So here be myreviews - and please remember tosupport your local movie rental store(Tundra) by getting your TV series ormovie fix from us: your local purveyorsof popular culture addictiveness.Pain & Gain - I generally encourageanyone to avoid absolutelyanything by Michael Bay, the cinematicallyinept director that broughtus the absolutely disposable Transformermovies, a pile of pointlessblockbusters (The Rock, Armageddon,Bad Boys 1 and 2), and variousother mindless and poorly craftedcinematic atrocities (although TheIsland was interesting). There is,however, an exception to every rule.This movie was... just... really damngood. Bizarre, hilarious, with abovepar performances from all its leads,this based-on-actual-events movie isabsolutely engrossing from beginningto end. It’s the story that drives theentire film - a story that proves theold adage that truth is stranger thanfiction. This is a film that will haveyou shaking your head at the absurdityof the human condition, and if ithad come out of France, arthouse fanaticswould be going on about howbrilliant and meaningful it is. Worthwatching, never boring, and not yourtypical Hollywood fare, this filmwas an enjoyable change of pace andpossessed an unpredictability thatarises from its non-formulaic story.It should go without saying: this filmis not suitable for children - which isprobably what made it good.Star Trek: Into Darkness - Thebest summer blockbuster I’ve seen inyears. I am stunned by how good ajob JJ Abrams has done re-energizingthe Star Trek franchise, offeringsomething completely new while atthe exact same time, paying continuoushomage to the original TV series.The film is more intelligent than theaverage summer release, but neverforgets that primarily the cinematicexperience is about entertainment- and damn if this film isn’t thoroughlyentertaining. With amazingspecial effects to support a wellcraftedstory, and a great balancingof characters (although I feel McCoycould have used more screen time),I was absorbed from beginning toend. Of course, by the end I yearnedfor a new Star Trek TV series, andthere doesn’t seem to be one on thehorizon, so I’ll have to make do withre-watching the various series (mostof which we conveniently have availableat Tundra!)Hammer of the Gods - I don’tknow what kind of crazy sprinklessome moron put on his wackadoodonut, but they must have been prettystrong to think that the script for thisstory was worth turning into an actualmovie. I guess when the producerswere told “it’s, you know, like,Apocalypse Now, but with, umm,Vikings”, the dude who’d eaten thedeep-fried ring of insanity, jumpedup and shouted “eureka”. This moviewas awful. Well, the scenery wasgorgeous, and the cinematographymade me want to move to Scotland.Other than that: nothing. The actingwas blah (although I don’t think itwas the fault of the director or actors- I think they all knew the script wasawful). The story was meanderingand tedious. The fight scenes wereactually embarrassing to watch (nobudget for choreography I suspect).The sad part is that on such a lowbudget they could have still made agood film: it was the script that wassmack-dab at the centre of this film’sdownfall. I wanted to like this film- I like most things with swordsand trekking across the countrysideon a quest - but by the fifteenminute mark I was already shreddingthe film in my head. If you’restill tempted to watch the film doso soon, because this movie is notmaking it into our long-term collection.Olympus Has Fallen - Okay,I know this film is stupid, but Iloved every bullet-through-theskull-of-an-evil-North-Koreanterroristsecond of this insanely(and inanely) violent action film.The premise is so over-the-top thateverything that happens seems fine,because the absurd starting pointcan never really be trumped, so it’seasy to just sit back and enjoy theblood-soaked ride. This is a film thatharkens back to the action-hero filmsof the ‘80s and ‘90s, which I haveto admit I sort of prefer to the superheromovies of today. The idea that ahighly trained individual is capableof super-human feats is somehowmore interesting (inspiring even) thanthe idea that someone needs a superability(or vast amounts of wealth...perhaps the Batman and Iron Mancharacters are actually about convincingus that not all the one-percentersare evil) in order to stand up againstwrong-doers. There’s an interestingsubtext there that someone should explorein a Master’s Thesis... not me,though, I’m too simple-minded. Backto topic: this movie is great weekendfare, mindless excessive violencefrom beginning to end and lots of funto watch.The Colony - As a fan of anythingpost-apocalyptic (I imagine sucha future to be very quiet for somereason) I was eagerly awaiting therelease of this entry into the genre.Of course, as with almost everythingin life that I’ve ever been eagerabout, I was brutally and crushinglydisappointed. Bored. I was flat outbored by this film, such that I endedup wandering away around the halfwaypoint to do some dishes. It’s apseudo-horror film set in a frozenwasteland (so, good setting) populatedby entirely one-dimensional characterswho seem to overwhelminglylack anything remotely like commonsense.The pop-psychology at thecentre of the story could be re-writtenby any ingrate who’s watched morethan a season of Criminal Minds. Thestory that unfolds is overly simplisticand yet, strangely, doesn’t reallymake sense. Oh, it’s straightforwardenough, but it’s more a problemof “Wait, why are they doing that,that’s the dumbest thing they coulddo...” This is a problem common tothe horror genre. This movie wasa disappointing waste of time. Thepremise is interesting enough (andI’d actually like to see a TV seriesset in a similar world - albeit writtenby people who progressed beyonda first-year psychology course), buteverything is downhill from there.Skip it.As always, these films areall available for rent at Tundra(located at 435 Sunnyside Ave) aseither single-item rentals or partof our unlimited movie-watchingmemberships, so rent local andsupport small business. We also havean ongoing sale of buy 2 used DVDsget a third free, so feel free to comeby and peruse the movies we’ve gotfor sale.
THE OSCARlOCTOBER 2013Page 19CLAMBAKEThirty-Fifth Annual Brighton Avenue ClambakeBy Gabriela M. AlbarracinFrom 7 to 10 pm, the bonfire was goingstrong at one end of the park, andat the other side of the park, stargazersenjoyed the clear night. Kids, andnot-so-kids anymore, were runningaround wearing their glow in thedark necklaces. Before all this, it wasa fun evening of gathering, “clamming”(shucking and eating clams)and catching-up with old and newneighbours. Salads, baked beans anddesserts were delightful!Thanks to all the organizers andparticipants as this year’s clambakewas yet another success.PHOTOS BY TOM ALFÖLDIClams are prepared and quickly consumed.Audience participation in a kids’ sing-along.TAKECAREOF THESPINEYOUHAVE.GLEBEchiropractic clinic +massage therapy centrenew patients welcomebook your next massagewith us online!99 Fifth Ave., Suite 7, <strong>Ottawa</strong>(inside Fifth Avenue Court)613.237.9000www.glebechiropractic.comwww.glebemassage.comEverybody helps out in the preparations.<strong>Ottawa</strong> Valley Weavers’and Spinners’ GuildExhibition and SaleNov. 1, 2, 3, 2013Fri. 4-8, Sat. 10-5, Sun. 10-4Glebe Community Centre175 Third Avenue, <strong>Ottawa</strong>www.ovwsg.com
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