Sober and Well August Edition

THE FIRST SOBER LIFESTYLE MAGAZINEwww.newmethodwellness.comAugust 2015

TABLEOF CONTENTSALetter fromUs 3The Funnies 4featuring You Might be Sober When...Gratitude 5Favorite gratitudes from the NMW Gratitude ListHowto be a Better Friend in 10 Simple Ways 6Are you struggling with your sober relationships?Sober Activities 10Glamping on a BudgetComing Back After a Relapse 12Relapse as experienced by Emily M.The Bookshelf 16Books that discuss our lifestyle.Newon Our Blog 17Check out our latest blogs.Contact Information 18Who is NewMethod Wellness? 19

ALETTERFROMUSTo Our NewFriendsWe love sobriety, we love sobriety, we love sobriety. Did we mention we lovesobriety? There are a lot of us who do this happy, fun recovery in SouthOrange County. And we love to share with anyone who is willing to have it.Welcome! Come see what true sobriety is about. This is what a sober lifelooks like: what we think about, talk about, and what we do. We are glad tohave you.Love & Peace,NMWSTAFF

1. You think you're freakishly productive when youget up and go to work on time.2. You open your first bank account at the ripe ageof 32.3. You poop on a daily basis.4. Your sobriety date marks the start of major happyactivity on your Facebook page, and you have ahundred new friends (your last selfie got 79 likesand comments like "did you lose weight?something's different...").5. You remind your Probation Officer to drug testyou because it's fun...to drug test (so weird).6. Laying on the couch watching TV for more thanan hour feels...dirty...and strange.7. It's like you just won the lottery when you foundout you got that part time job at the dog kennel.8. You really don't know what to do with your firstThe FunniesYOUMIGHTBESOBERWHEN...paycheck.9. When filling out forms at the doctor's office youwrite your sobriety date instead of your birthdate. (The doc is like, "You're three?")10.You wake up and remember where you put yourkeys and who you went to bed with.11. You're immediate reflex when you see that cop isall smiles instead of turning right into the gasstation.12.You find yourself with an iPhone not a flip phonefrom the grocery store.13.You figure out that the bill due date is notactually when the power gets shut off.14.You stress out...and you just stress out, nohandcuffs or hookers or anything!15.You start to like sharing your story, and youbecome grateful to be an alcoholic or addict.

GratitudeA gratitude list is a daily effort used to direct our attention toward what we have. Addicts and alcoholicshave a common behavior trait--we want more! We need daily gratitude to stay focused and satisfied, and tostay sober. The following is a list of some of our favorite gratitudes from our Facebook "New MethodWellness Gratitude List":Today I am grateful for:- Friends who show up.- Being tired because I'm working too much notbecause I'm dope sick.- Seeing transformation in everyone around me andmyself.- My new positive perspective on life.- The way sober people come together when thosecritical times come.- Friends who send me messages, which puts a hugesmile on my face.- Choices- To be okay with the unknown.- For the ability to relate not compare.- Sober suggestions and attitude adjustments.- Being in touch with my feelings.- That we each have an opportunity to do whatever wewant in life. We are so lucky to be here.- I am trustworthy, reliable and a good friend,daughter, sister today.- That rejection is always gods protection.- Drive-thru workers with a sense of humor.- All of the people who've paved the road ahead of me.Thank god for them.- Never forgetting what it was like.- For my story, every sad horrid detail, that helpsothers today.- Learning to speak my truth, even when it isuncomfortable.Email Karin atkarinl@newmethodwellness.comto join our closed daily gratitudegroup. With over 500 sobermembers it's like nothing else.

Howt o be aBetter Friendin10sim plew ay s

We l o o k a t e a c h o t h e ra n d s e e s o me t h i n gb i g g e r t h a n o u r s e l v e sWritten By Karin LindgrenWhen I was out there drinking and using my relationships suffered. My establishedrelations with friends and family puttered out into zero communication, and there were no newfriends. I went for long periods of time without sharing what was really going on in my head.And I had a lot of thoughts going on, my mind was tornado of ideas, quick fixes, andmanipulations all revolving around one subject? me. Although I was not the loud, brash,look-at-me type of egomaniac, my world had shrunk down to only revolve around an axis ofmyself. I was surprised when I became sober that this seemed to be a common link among us.So, how does the egomaniac sober person suddenly become a solid, loyal friend to others? Weare unpracticed and sometimes incapable of sharing, listening, and being courteous to anotherindividual. Having an interest in others without a specific benefit is foreign coming out of aworld where we consistently used people for their drugs/money or their ability to join us in ourgluttonous substance abuse.The following is a list to lure your intentions in a better direction, toward being a lovingcontributor to others.

1.Don?t wait for people to be friendly, do it first.2.This can be viewed as the first step in findingfriends. Friendships are formed by attraction, andthe attracting qualities should be good ones. Ifyou want a good friend, you have to be a goodfriend from the beginning. This action works forany quality? if you want friends who are humble,be humble first. If you want friends who do funthings, do fun things and invite people.3.?Say more about that.?This command can be used all thetime! This is the perfect thing to saywhen we don?t quite know how torespond to something. This is also agood way to continue listening and notchange the subject back to ourselves.There are always opportunities to helpour friends dig a little deeper into howthey feel about something, furtherdeepening the relationship.This is how we get to know each other!Releasing those embarrassing thoughts not onlyhelps to get over them, but shows the friend?the real you? AND the side that knows andunderstands better than to act on ridiculousthoughts. The friend will begin to know youwell enough to point out crazy behavior, whichholds us accountable.Ask howhis/her day was before youtalk about your day.This can clearly get complicated if youare both working on doing this, but theidea is to listen and respond before youquickly unleash your own drama. Byputting yourself second, you areperforming the act of friendship andhumility. And sometimes, our problemsseem a little less grand after hearingsomeone else?s.5.4.Share as totally true ridiculous thoughts, to even yourself.those you dismissRemain friends despite the other?schoices, i.e. support the person not thedecision.6.Be happy/proud of the other?s gains and achievements.Envy and jealousy are definitely not friendly qualities, butthey do happen. Friends need to have equality in therelationship, but frequently exterior stuff (money, stuff, jobs)is not always equal. If envy begins to rise up ask yourself aquestion. ?What is it about my life I don?t like?? Lowself-esteem usually coincides with envy. Action can combatboth ailments, including gratitude lists, support groupmeetings, seeking a better job, or acknowledging anddiscussing the jealous feelings.This is tough, and can be viewed asadvanced level friendship. Our friendsmay frequently do things we do notexactly agree with (?I would never dothat?). By remembering that everyonelearns in a different way and that ourexperiences are all different, we can letgo of criticizing our friends. There is away to gracefully point out riskybehavior, without sounding judgmentalor like an ?I told you so? is just aroundthe corner. Generally speaking, the resultof someone else?s actions is unknownsince we are not psychic fortune tellers,and something good may come fromsomething that you initially frown upon.

7.8.9.10.Showup?it?s something you can never pretend to do and is a genuine act of friendship.Showing up, particularly when it is inconvenient, is how we show our friends that we care.This is essentially ?how to be a friend?. You have to be there, physically present. There are ofcourse times when you are unable to be there to support your friend, but in general, over time,your presence should consistently be there.Stop giving advice because you are not an authority on anything.Being an authority in the relationship can imbalance equality. There are always situations wehave gone through that the friend has not, and we can share what happened to us. But providingadvice on what to do or what not to do creates expectations in the relationship and can alter thelearning process. Have faith that your friend will come up with a good conclusion from talkingabout his/her problems and listening to other?s experiences.Small gestures go a long way in making someone feel special.Phone calls, appreciations via text, gathering a pile of fabulous clothes that you don?t useanymore, buying coffee, showing up when not expected, and remembering to follow-up on pastconversations are all great gestures to promote quality friendship. These inconvenient, surpriseaffections will make both friends feel good. It feels good to show how much you care aboutsomeone! Particularly when you see the smile on their face after the surprise!Tell your friends the truth at the risk of losing their friendship.In a gentle way, always be honest. This usually requires us to think and pause quite a whilebefore unleashing the honesty. The hardest part of being honest with our friends may be whenwe have to apologize after making a mistake. We have to be willing to share what is going oninside of our minds with our friends, despite what we assume they are going to think about it.The main idea of all this is to be a good friend, regardless of others. We get so caughtup in "well, they did this, so I'm going to do that back"! We may never be able to find thatperfect friend, but we can strive to be one ourselves. My experience in sobriety is that we getwhat we put in toward being sober and having a better life. When I started working towardbeing a better friend, in my own imperfect way, my friends rose up around me. Just the act oftrying to be more attentive, loving, open, and willing has created a group of friends around methat I wouldn't trade for anything.spr ead t he f r iend ship

Sober Activities: Glamping on a BudgetWhat is "glamping" you ask? Glamping is the glamorous and comfortable side of camping.This is not the hiking, backpack with a frying pan hanging off of it, water lugging, getting lost, rustic formof camping. This is the pack your car full of the conveniences of modern living, pull into a beautiful place,build a campfire, and hang out in nature. There are differing levels of glamping, from getting take-outChinese food and going to the local state park, to renting a treehouse, yurt, or tipi in such places as JoshuaTree, Lake Tahoe or Monterey. Some glampers even rent vintage VW camper vans to get them anywherethey want to go. For more information about all kinds of glamping vacation options check outwww.glamping.com. This is a good source for ideas if you have a little money to spend. But for those ofus who are short of funds, here are some general planning ideas for local South Orange County glampingon a budget.WHERE TO GOCrystal Cove State ParkBeach8471 N Coast Hwy, Laguna Beach, CA 92651(949) 494-3539www.crystalcovestatepark.org for moreinformation.San Clemente State Beach225 Avenida Califia, San Clemente, CA 92672(949) 492-3156www.parks.ca.gov/?page_id=646 for moreinformation.InlandRonald W. Caspers Wilderness Park33401 Ortega Hwy, San Juan Capistrano, CA92675(949) 923-2210ocparks.com/parks/ronald/ for more information.O'Neill Regional Park30892 Trabuco Canyon Rd, Trabuco Canyon, CA92678(949) 923-2260ocparks.com/parks/oneill/ for more information.Make a reservation! Campsite reservations for all these locations can be found on the websites listed or atwww.reserveamerica.com along with many other camping areas across the country.

WHA T TO BRINGSober FriendsAs many as possible, but most local campsites limit 8people per campsite (any more and you have to reserve agroup campsite).CookingCooler with iceKnifeWater/Beverages/Iced coffeeChips/Cookies/SnacksPre-cut fruitTake-out food of your choice for dinner/lunch (you canprobably even get pizza delivery)Yummy pastries for breakfast (and perhaps go to a localdiner for bacon and eggs)Garbage bags- If you want to do some of your own barbecuing thislist will be longer and more expensive.SleepingTent (Does someone have one you can borrow?)Air mattress or foam mattressSheets, warm blankets, and pillowsFurnitureBeach chairsFoldable table with tableclothRugs or mats to sit onClothingShorts/PantsSweater/Long sleeved shirtSwimsuitFlip flops/Tennis shoes and socksPajamasLightingLanternFlashlightCandlesFirewood with kindling/newspaperMatches/LighterPersonal ItemsSunscreenBug repellentToilet paper/Wet wipesHand sanitizerMirrorTowelsShower stuff, if showers are availableEntertainmentRadio and cameraCards/GamesInstrumentsFavorite sobriety book or meditation booksAdditional Resources for Glamping Ideas and Planningwww.glampinggirl.comwww.inspiredcamping.comwww.barebonesliving.com/getoutside/ www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=glamping

Coming BackAfter a RelapseWRITTENBYEMILYM.Let?s talk about relapse. What is relapse? (Other than a ?4-letter?[sort of] word,in recovery). Relapse is when a person gets drunk or high, after a period of time ofbeing clean and sober. It?s the thing they warn you about, and it can be absolutelydevastating. People relapse for all sorts of reasons, but I can really only share myexperience and opinion, so that is what I will do. At 2 and ½ years clean and soberoff of drugs and alcohol, I found myself right in the middle of my recoverycommunity. I had built a strong ?picket fence?around myself by gaining a solidfellowship of friends, attending 12-step meetings regularly, taking commitments,working with others and sharing my experience, strength and hope. For all intensivepurposes, I was doing the deal. So what happened, right?

What happened was I had a really unreliableconcept of a higher power. The ?god?that I hadbelieved in my entire life, was a god that wouldpull the rug from underneath my feet, just wheneverything seemed to be going well. The truth ofthe matter was that I had been pulling the rug outfrom my own feet all of those years. In other wordsI would self-sabotage and self-destruct, just likemany alcoholics do, and then blame ?god?for themess I created. Or life would happen, (the way itsometimes does), and I would allow it towrongfully cosign an old story I had been tellingmyself for years and years; that I was somehow notworthy of a happy life.During that time, I was struggling with some otherpersonal demons and I had a sudden realization at 2years sober, that I did not believe I could ever berelieved of said demons. Simultaneously, I had aboyfriend who was still getting loaded and it wasthe perfect storm and opportunity for me to jumpship. And boy did I jump in.My famous last words were, ?I know where to go ifit gets bad enough?, as if I could just drink and gethigh on the weekend, and then come back onMonday. I underestimated my addiction. I not onlygot in the ring with my own alcoholism, but with hisas well. It got ugly fast. I spent the better part of twoyears drunk and high. Only this time, I knew aboutthe better life that existed on the other side ofrecovery. I knew about the miracles, the hope, theunconditional love and the freedom. I had bouts ofsobriety in that two year span, but it never stuck andI always ended up loaded again. My ego wouldn?tallow me to get humble enough to surrender and Ilived in a world where I was in acceptance of myown misery.The wheels finally came off of that relationship I wasin, and I found myself still getting loaded even after?he?was gone. I could no longer tell myself that hewas the problem, because left to my own devices, Icontinued to get drunk and high. So I went back to?the last house on the block?(figuratively speaking),and started going to recovery meetings again.

I was full of ego and full of fear, when I walked through those doors. There werenew faces and old faces, and they all had more sober time than me now. I feltunknown and intimidated, and I had a chip on my shoulder. I was broken and outof ideas, however, which gave me the willingness to keep coming back.What I found was that people were happy to see me. They were warm andwelcoming, rather than judgmental and cruel. They genuinely just wanted to seeme get well. I experienced kindness from my fellows and they loved me eventhough I could not love myself.I kept showing up to the meetings, but I continued to get drunk afterward. Thiscontinued for three months. I finally gained a willingness to get involved andsocialize with other sober people. It was often uncomfortable and awk-weird, butI showed up anyway. I went to coffee before the meetings, dinner afterward andattended the sober functions in between. Something started happening. I startedputting days together, and then months. I wasn?t sitting at home alone in mythoughts anymore, rather I was a part of something again.WEDON'TSHOOTOURWOUNDED

©Karin LindgrenAs I started to accumulate more and more time, I had a moment of clarity thatI was experiencing the grace of something bigger than me--a higher power; agod. In that moment, I just knew intuitively that such a power could not be apunishing power if it was helping me stay sober. I suddenly had come tobelieve in a higher power that wanted me to be happy, joyous and free, (andsober). And as I continued to stay sober, I was able to understand that withoutthat seemingly horrible and dark relapse, I may have never come to thisrealization.What has happened since September 25, 2009, is that I have come to practicerelying on and believing in, a higher power that is not only bigger than myproblems, but one that I can ?do business?with. That?s not to say that somedays I don?t have the fearful thought of, ?What if god can?t??It?s just that Iam able to remind myself that today that I believe in a higher power that can.Today, I believe in a higher power that is bigger than my problems.Coming back from a relapse was one of the most excruciating times in mylife--I literally felt like I had to claw my way back. However, that darkexperience has now become one of my greatest assets. Relapse doesn?t haveto be a death sentence. It?s not that I recommend relapsing, but just know thatit doesn?t have to be the end of your story.Questions about relapse? Contact Karin atkarinl@newmethodwellness.com

The BookshelfFavorite books to give us power in the battle to stay soberTweak: Growing Up on MethamphetaminesBy Nic Scheff (2009)Nic Sheff details his own story of addiction, relapse, and recovery in this honest book.Scheff started using young, at age 11, and wrote this book by age 22. Although he relapsedafter this memoir, and wrote another memoir since (Nic Scheff, We All Fall Down: Livingwith Addiction, 2012), this is a good look into trying to get sober young.(www.barnesandnoble.com, $9)?None of them seem as crazy obsessive about everything as I am. It's strange 'cause I had thesame feeling in high school that I have here. It's like, well, it just seems so easy for everyoneelse and so difficult for me. I turn from these extremes of feeling on top of the fucking world- to feeling so despondent. They don't have to struggle like I do - or maybe that's just mecomparing my goddamn insides to everyone else's outsides. But I swear to God, I just seemto wrestle with everything more than anyone else.? --Nic Scheff, excerpt from TweakBeautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son'sAddictionby David Sheff (2008)David Scheff writes about being Nic's Dad (the author of the above listed book) during hisaddiction. Although, a sober person may at first consider this a good read for their parents,this book gives us insight into the kind of pain and problems we caused others in our activeaddiction. (www.barnesandnoble.com, $10)?Every time the telephone rings, my stomach constricts. Long after the euphoria from methis no longer attainable? Tennessee Williams described the equivalent with alcohol in 'Cat ona Hot Tin Roof': ?I never again could get the click?? addicts are agitated and confused, andmost stop eating and sleeping. Parents of addicts don?t sleep, either.? --David Scheff, excerptfrom Beautiful Boy

Read More About Sobrietyon Our Living Sober BlogFollowour active blog to read more about issues relatedto sobriety and howto keep on track in our daily lives.www.newmethodwellness.com/blog/?Keep your best wishes, close to your heart andsee what happens? ?- Tony DeLisoRead more at:www.newmethodwellness.com/fun-things-to-do-in-sober-part-2/?A day without laughter is a day wasted.?- Charlie ChaplinRead more at:www.newmethodwellness.com/10-relatable-sober-memes/

I t feelsgood to beLostin theRigh tDir ect ionDo You Have Questions or Comments About Our Magazine?We love feedback and new ideas!Contact Kari n Li ndgren at New M ethod Wellnesskari nl@newmethodwellness.com

SOMETHINGDIFFERENTAt NewMethod Wellness, substance abuse treatmentis tailored to each individual client.We consider all aspects of recovery when setting our clients up for a life of sobriety. We seekto provide the best possible guidance and tools through a range of therapeutic methods. Thisis how we offer a personal, effective experience to each client.Our treatment focuses on medical detoxification, counseling and process groups, but alsoincludes yoga, acupuncture, massage therapy, art therapy, equine therapy, nutrition, and familyoutreach (to name a few of our methods).Our center is located in San Juan Capistrano in Orange County. Our safe, quiet, upscaleresidences are located in the oceanfront communities of San Clemente and Capistrano Beach.We accept PPO insurance plans for full payment and will gladly process your claim.We also have financing available to help with treatment costs.

NEEDHELP?New Method Wellness is a substance abuse center located in Orange County,CA. NMW takes a holistic approach to recovery, providing affordablemedical detox, primary care, dual diagnosis, trauma treatment, extendedaftercare, outpatient treatment, and family outreach. Whatever your needs,we will accommodate to make your recovery process as comfortable aspossible.NewMethod Wellness31473 Rancho Viejo RoadSui te 101San Juan Capi st rano, CA 92675866.951.1824i nfo@newmethodwellness.comwww.newmethodwellness.com