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PAIN? FIND RELIEF THROUGH THE ART OF HEALING THE HEALING POWER OF ART The modern Science of Aesthetics offers a powerful new tool to cure a host of physical and mental afflictions, aches and pains. After only a few simple, easy treatments, patients can be pain-free. Therapeutic application of time-proven art masterpieces by trained aestheticians can give these clinically-proven results: • Back Pain Relief: “The Scream” by Edvard Munch • Ear Infections: “Self-portrait” by Vincent Van Gogh • Chest Pain Relief: “St. Sebastian” by Giovanni Bellini • Sexual Dysfunction: “Venus of Urbino” by Titian EXCITING NEW TREATMENTS! IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION Patients should discontinue Art Healing if they: • Experience shortness of breath • Develop color spectrum sensitivity • Undergo an irresistible urge to open a gallery arthealingministry.net ART HEALING MINISTRY TM
ONE YEAR IN THE LIFE OF A Non-conceptualist Sorry for my breaking English. I am an unwanted Russian artist. Maybe I am “the” unwanted Russian artist. It is difficult for a (the) Russian like me to know whether I am “an artist” or “the artist.” There is no choice between definite and indefinite articles in Russian, because there are no articles. In Russia everything is indefinite, but there is still no choice. This is why I decided to emigrate from Russia a year ago. Everyone says in Russia that if you are either “the” or “an” artist, you should live in London. But in London, every artist says that there are too many artists in London. My Polish employer says I shouldn’t listen to all this nonsense: It’s good for London to have many artists. Too many artists are maybe not very good for art, he says, but they are very good for estate agents and pro-petty developers. He is a pro-petty developer himself. Some estate agents actually pay artists to go to very ugly and poor areas of London where everything is ugly and cheap and there is no underground transport. They occupy old ugly buildings and open big beautiful studios in them. They find ugly derelict houses and they sit squatting in them. Their music friends join them and play music in pubs and bars, so ugly pubs become full of beautiful customers drinking vodka and dancing, cocktail bars and cafes open to serve them vegetarian bacon and organic marijuana with a tequila sunrise every morning. Then transgender multiculturalists and poly-amorous metro-men create exotic clubs and fancy restaurants are opened every day and night, everything becomes jolly and gay from dusk till dawn. By Zinovy Zinik Drawings by Andro Semeiko Story This gradually makes rich, swinging people – city wizards from the bonking system and corporate executioners – want to live in an (the) artistic neighbourhood with a lot of sex, drugs and rocking Rolls-Royces, because they don’t have time for art, so they want to live next to it, rubbing shoulders with art without getting bored of it. Then the pro-petty developers move in, buy ugly derelict houses, do them up and sell them to corporate wizards with 100-percent housing benefits. That’s what happened here in Shoreditch and Hoxton. Prices are sky-high here. Artists are good for business, my Polish employer says. That’s how he made his fortune – by employing illegal immigrants like me. When asked where you are from, I don’t say I am Russian. I am not sure, am I “a Russian” or “the Russian”? Sometimes I wish I could drop definite and indefinite articles altogether. England is a free country, let English people put in any article they like. Just in case, I say I am Polish. (I never heard anyone Polish say “I am a Polish.”) Also, British people know who the Polish people are, so they don’t ask more questions and don’t think of me as an (the) oligarch. I am oligarch inside, my soul is very rich, my heart is big and my God is great, but British people don’t know it, because they judge everything with no inside knowledge. The Polish developer is not British and he knows that I am not Polish but Russian. He knows I am not oligarch. I thought I would call myself Polish because I came to this country via Poland in a truck loaded with cardboard boxes. They had the strange shape of a 3-dimensional triangle. I was underneath these boxes. I paid a lot of money for 47
Page 1 and 2: LAWRENCE WESCHLER Tree nuptials, st
Page 3 and 4: g a l l e r y VOHN GALLERY serves a
Page 5 and 6: INFECTIOUS MUSEUMUCUS From the Foun
Page 7 and 8: Contributors • David Adler | Mr.
Page 9 and 10: By Lawrence Weschler Tales of contr
Page 11 and 12: LAWRENCE WESCHLER, right, speaks du
Page 13 and 14: ism. But when he finally heard abou
Page 15 and 16: foot of Table Mountain (talk about
Page 17 and 18: IMAGINE growing up in a culture of
Page 19 and 20: tion? Absolutely nothing. Now, 13 y
Page 21 and 22: Scene IN KEEPING WITH my commitment
Page 23 and 24: Art, a Higher Hat My quest for the
Page 25 and 26: As the silk plush 9 covering decaye
Page 27 and 28: The Associated Press Despite or bec
Page 29 and 30: Although it has no comics collectio
Page 31 and 32: Sunset semiotics These abstracted,
Page 33 and 34: semiotic fault lines in hybrid text
Page 35 and 36: will summarize succinctly the infor
Page 37 and 38: collaborators, many of them his stu
Page 39 and 40: younger brother when he failed to f
Page 41 and 42: BABY GRAND The author, as a toddler
Page 43 and 44: perceived dualism, light and dark,
Page 45: GOING NORMATIVE Creating a statisti
Page 49 and 50: cold and miserable. But I clench my
Page 51 and 52: starved and exhausted. Ms. Cunst to
Page 53 and 54: and not come back. “Why wouldn’
Page 55 and 56: Poem On angels and ladders Rome, pi
Page 57 and 58: L’Uomo Vogue: The writings of Kar
Page 59 and 60: A Day in the Life: On Kawara By Ale
Page 61 and 62: AIR OF IMPORTANCE ARTETYPES By Anon
Page 63: Closer Untitled By Nick Wadley 63 S

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